06x17 - Urban Plowboy

[bunniefuu]

[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Hey, Jack... Yeah.

Come here, I wanna
show you something.

It's very nice.

How do you know? I haven't even

gotten it unwrapped yet.

Well, I'm sure it will
look even better that way.

Ta da! Isn't it beautiful?
I bought it for us.

Gorgeous!

Thank you. What is it?

It's a copy of an
Incan fertility vessel.

Fertility vessel? Where do
you think we oughtta put it?

Anyplace but my bedroom.

Hey guys!

Guess what?

You tell them.

I have some
wonderful news for you.

Boy, this thing works fast.

Never mind him,
Cindy. What's the news?

You've all been invited to spend
the weekend on my aunt's farm!

Isn't that wonderful?

Jack, try to control
your enthusiasm.

It'll be fun, Jack.

We'll be getting there
right in the middle

of Celery Week.

[shrieks] "Celery Week"!

Ooh, boy o boy o boy!

Cindy, I'm sure it'll be fun

but personally, I am a city boy.

I like bright lights,
hot and cold running

water, things that
go "flush" in the night.

Jack!

Forget it, Jack. The
three of us will go,

and we will have
fun on the farm!

I'm sure you will, just be
careful where you step.

[doorbell rings] Wanna
get that, cityslicker?

Let's have coffee. Tell me
about it. You're gonna love it!

Hi Jack. Larry!

Can we have a little talk?

Sure, first how did your
date with Candy turn out?

Oh, I had a great time. But the
guy she's engaged to hated it.

You took out somebody
else's fiancée?

Just once! Only
once! Oh, is that all?

Well, he didn't like
me using his car either.

You took the guy's car?

Borrowed it. But it will
never happen again.

Are you sure?
Positive. I totalled it.

What! [phone rings]

Oh, boy, Larry, I think
you are in big trouble.

Hello? Yeah, this is Jack.

You're gonna do what?

Who is this?

I don't know any Wally!

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, hey, hey! Listen... Hello?

Sounds like he
was threatening you.

Yeah, this guy,
Wally, said he was

going to come over
here break my neck,

and tear me in half!

I think you oughtta
hide out someplace.

Why? I don't know
anybody named Wally.

He's Candy's fiancé. Well, now
that we've had this little talk...

Hold it!

Why was he threatening me?

I thought you'd ask
that. Try to understand...

Oh, no, Larry. You
didn't use my name again.

I knew you'd understand.

Understand?
Listen! I'm also dating

Candy's best friend
Linda. If they talk, I could be

in big trouble.

Larry, you are unbelievable.
You use another guy's name,

another guy's car. Couldn't
you use anything of your own?

Well... Larry...

This guy said he's coming
over here now to break every

bone in my body. Is this
Wally as crazy as he sounds?

Crazier.

That's it. I'm getting
out of here. But where?

I'm spending the weekend
with Cindy where I'll be safe.

[mooing, clucking]

And this is my aunt's barn!

Cindy, I love it!

Wow, it's so, so... barny.

Well? What do you think, Jack?

I think you could
use some Air Wick.

Jack, don't be
such a wet blanket.

I'll try. Can I go
to my room now?

This is it!

What?

Yeah. Cindy thought it'd
be fun if we all slept out here.

Yeah! When I was a kid, it was a
real treat to spend the night in the barn.

Some treat.

How you doin', kids?
Oh, hi, Aunt Becky.

Did you have enough
to eat for dinner?

Oh, yes, plenty. Thank you.

I've never had celery
soup before. It was great!

And I just loved
your celery pie.

Thank you. Thank you.

Are you gonna be all
right here in the barn?

It's not gonna be
too rough for you?

Well, Jack was worried
that... I was worried

about the girls. They're
not used to roughing it. I told

them I'd show them the ropes.

Well, then you know
your way around in barns.

What's to know? A barn is a...

For instance, that's
the feed chute.

Well, I can see you
girls are in good hands.

Ohh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think I'll turn in now.

Goodnight. Goodnight.

Uh, don't let the
barn bugs bite.

Barn bugs? What's a barn bug?

Good night. Cindy,
where are you going?

To the house.

What? I thought you
said when you were a

kid it was a big treat
to sleep in the barn?

Oh, it was. But it was a bigger treat
to sleep in the house. Good night!

I'm having so much fun.

You look good in grain.

Here's some horse
blankets. Oh, great!

Horse blankets! Oh, come on.

Do we really have to
spend the night out here?

Oh, Jack, stop
complaining already.

Yeah, why don't you
just get with it, Jack?

Just make the most of it. Yeah.

Good idea.

Ohh, yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm making the most of it.

Out!

Hey, Jack, there
is plenty of hay

right over there.

I can't sleep over there.

Why not?

And leave you girls
unprotected? Not a chance.

I wanna be here to comfort
you in case you get scared.

[owl hooting]

[screams] What was that?

That was an owl, Jack.
Now would you go over there

and go to sleep?

Owls can k*ll.

In that case, you have
nothing to worry about.

Owls like mice, not
chickens. Yeah, but...

Okay, if that's
the way you feel.

[owl hooting]

[Jack sighs]

Hey, Jack. Come on, Jack. Don't

go to bed mad.

If you want to apologize,
you know where I am.

That didn't take you long!
Oh, Janet! This isn't like you.

That tickles!

Oh, don't stop, I love
to have my ear nibbled.

Jack, who are you talking to?

Huh? Oh, then it's you,
Terri! You little devil!

I should have recognized
your hot breath!

Jack, what are
you talking about?

Huh? Then who... [pig squeals]

It ate my ear! Is my ear okay?

Your ear is fine.

God, it was awful!
What happened?

This vicious wild boar
came at me out of the dark!

It had this huge snout
and these sharp fangs!

Let's get out of here, Terri!

There's no need
to get out of here.

I caught your k*ller pig.

Get it away from me!

How can you touch that
thing, Janet? You don't

know where's it's been!

My ear! It gave me a pig hickey!

[rooster crows]

What a night. I feel great!

What's taking you guys so
long? The morning's half over!

Oh, well, Jack had a little
trouble sleeping last night.

Why didn't you try
counting sheep?

He couldn't. He was
too busy counting pigs.

[loud chicken squawking]

What's that?

I bet that's that weasel that's
getting into my aunt's chicken coop.

Well it sounds like
she got him now!

Weasels are
poisonous, aren't they?

[screaming]

Mr. Furley! Get in there you!

Aunt Jackie, wait!
This is our landlord!

Oh, oh, your
landlord. I'm so sorry.

I thought you were a weasel.

Well, it's a natural mistake.

I mean, what with
the noise and all.

Oh, I'm so sorry. You poor man.

Why don't you come
on up to the house

and I'll fix you a
nice hot cup of coffee.

Oh, well, thank you.
I don't believe we've

had the pleasure. Formally.

I'm Rebecca Madison.

And I'm Ralph Weasel... Furley!

Well, Ralph, how about that
"hot" cup of coffee? Okay.

I'll help. Mr. Furley, hang on.

He'll be right with you.
What are you doing here?

Ohh, I almost forgot. I just
did you a big favor Jack.

A real big favor.

What?

Some guy named Wally woke
me up at 6 a.m. this morning.

Banging on your door. Said
he wanted to get ahold of you.

Did you tell him where I was?

I did better than that,
I drove him up here.

He's looking for ya right now!

What!

No need to thank me, Jack.
Well, now for that coffee.

Can't keep Aunt
Becky waiting, right?

Jack, are you okay?

No, some guy
wants to b*at me up.

Why? There's no time to explain.

Just go in, tell this guy
Jack Tripper is gone!

I've d*ed, I've moved,
anything. Just go.

What? Just go!

But Jack... Hurry!

Oh, okay. All right.

Okay. Where is he?

[shouting] He isn't here!

I'm looking for Jack Tripper.

He isn't here either!

There isn't anybody
here... [screams]

This wouldn't be
Jack Tripper, would it?

[both] No!

No? Then who are you?

Hi, I'm Zeke!

Checking to see if
this here hay is dry...

Heck, it's all in a day's
work here on the farm.

You work here?

I'm busier than a
rooster in a three-story

henhouse, only I don't
like to crow about it!

Zeke is the hired hand.

Why should I believe you?

Because I... Because
she's his wife.

Yeah! Hoo-wee! Honeybunch,
you sure feel good!

Darlin', not in
front of company.

And not in front of your
little sister, Terri Lou.

Terri Lou, why don't you say
hello to the nice gentleman.

Well, hell-o!

Terri Lou, not overly friendly.

'Member what happened
with that travelin' salesman?

Well, uh sir, I gotta go on
down to the south forty now.

Terri Lou, Lupina!

Hold it!

You're not going anywhere
until I check out this barn.

Well, I got some chores to do.

Oh, well, do 'em here!
Why can't you milk

that cow over there?

Well, I can milk that cow! Who
said I couldn't? Jehoshaphat!

Darlin'! What should we do?

Why don't you clean
out that stall over there?

Okeydokey.

We'll clean out the
stall... Oh, my God.

What's the matter? These
cows are not housebroken.

Steady now, honey.
Steady, it won't take long.

Darlin', what are you doin'?

Just fixin' to milk
this here cow.

Honey, aren't you cute!
Trying to make us think

you're gonna milk "him".

[bull snorts loudly]

Oh, my God!

What's the matter!

Huh? Uh, I just remembered I gotta
finish stackin' this hay before dark.

We always like to rake
hay while the sun shines.

That's just a country sayin'.

Now, where did I put
that gol-durn rake?

There it is.

Stop fooling around!
Show me what's up there.

Up there? There!

And you two! Huh?

Stay where you are.

Hey!

Yes sir, we got
plenty of that right here

and right over here.

This here's my henhouse.

My husband built it for
me before he passed away.

Oh, you're a widow?
I mean, a widow.

Must be awfully rough
living way out here

all by yourself.

Alone.

Well, I try to manage, but
sometimes a woman needs a man.

Well, if this is one
of those times...

[sniffs] Here I am.

Well, Ralph. How sweet.

If you really
mean it... I do, I do!

Here! What? What's this?

Dinner!

You'll find an axe right there.

You mean, you
want me to... k*ll it.

Mr. Furley! What are you doing?

What the heck do
you think I'm doing? I'm

getting ready to k*ll a chicken!

Oh, Mr. Furley. I
could never do that.

You kiddin'?
There's nothin' to it!

I read once that
all you have to do is

stare into their eyes
and they'll fall into

a deep, painless trance.

You see, a chicken has one
of the smallest brains in the...

In the... the... Mr. Furley?

Yes?

[shouting] Mr. Furley!

Oh! Cindy! I can't do this!

Look at her! She likes me!

Oh, sure. Sure, Mr. Furley.

Listen, I'm going to see how
the others are doing. Good luck.

[Aunt Becky] Ralph?

Quick! You gotta
get out of here!

Go on, go away!

This is your chance!
What are you waiting for?

Fly!

Fly! Fly!

Ralph! What is taking
you so long to... to...

Ohh. I understand. Maybe
I better do this myself.

You wait on up at the house.

Are you kiddin'?
You think a little blood

will upset me? If you
wanna k*ll the chicken,

Here. k*ll the chicken.

Okay.

The chicken lives!
And that's that!

Hey guys. I thought of
something we could do!

I could show you
how to milk Bossy!

Oh. Hello!

Why would you have to show
your hired hand how to milk a cow?

Yeah, ha ha! You kidder
you! Ha ha! Always kiddin'!

Cindy, why would you have to
show your hired hand, Zeke there,

how to milk a cow!
[strained laughter]

Oh, oh! I'm kidding!
Always kidding.

Well, go ahead,
darlin'. Milk 'er.

Here you go, baby.

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo...

Do y'all have to watch?
This is kinda personal.

Milk! Yes, sir.

Sorry about this. Just
relax and trust me.

For your sake, I better
start seeing some milk soon.

Yes, sir!

Excuse me.

[loud moo]

Sorry 'bout the cold hands.

Oh, hi, Wally. I
see you found Jack.

What? Get the car!

Hey!

Larry! Larry, what
are you doing here?

Playing it safe. That goon Wally
was snooping around the apartment.

Now he's snooping around here!

Oh, come on, Jack.
Who you trying to kid?

[Wally] Tripper!

That sounded exactly
like th... [screams]

In here!

[chickens cackling]

Excuse me, that was mine.

Now I'm gonna collect
for my girl and my car.

Wait a minute. I'm the one
you wanna punch, not him!

Who said that?

Hold it! You're not
gonna hit anybody.

Oh, yeah? Just a suggestion.

Hey, listen! I don't
know who you are,

but I'm warning you...
leave them alone!

[screams]

Okay. I know you're
in there. And I'm gonna

teach you not to fool around
with another man's woman!

Now, come on out of there!

Mister Furley!

Aunt Becky!

We weren't doin'
anything, honest!

You don't have to lie
on my account, Ralphy.

Shh!

Honest, sir. If I had any
idea that she was your girl...

What? [Larry] Achoo!

Bless you. [Larry] Thank
you. [Jack] We're dead.

Well, well. Look what I found.

[screams]

Now. Just to make
sure I got the right guy,

I'm gonna take
care of both of you!

[both] Whaaat!

Hey, what are you
guys so chicken about?

There's only one of him
and there's three of us.

I mean, two of you.

One last request? Just
our farewell salute, okay?

But I want you to watch
carefully. All right, Larry?

And as for you...

Ohh, be careful, Janet.
Serves you right, Larry.

You are unbelievable. If
you hadn't used my name...

Then the four of us
wouldn't be up here together.

Come again?

Well, think of it.

A romantic barn. An inviting
hayloft. Two guys, two gals.

What! You know what?

He's right. I am?

Yeah! I am feeling kinda
romantic, aren't you Terri?

Oh yeah. Right.

[husky voice] I am.

Do you believe this, Jack?

Well, it's the country
air. It turns them on.

What do you say, Larry?

Are you ready to
sow some wild oats?

Ohh, am I!

Here they are! Okay!