07x13 - Bob and Carol and Larry and Terri

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ [theme]

[Man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[Woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waiting for you ♪

♪ We've been waiting for you ♪

[Both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendez-vous ♪

♪ Down at our rendez-vous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendez-vous ♪
♪ Down at our rendez-vous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

So if you and Bob are interested,
I got this terrific car for you.

It's only two years old.

Thanks, but we're thinking
of buying a new car.

A new car?

With that new car smell? Yick.

Oh, hi there. You're
looking mighty cute tonight.

Well, thank you.

I was talking to Carol.

Thank you, Mr. Furley.

Oh, did my husband speak
to you about our light switch?

No.

Well, he tried to fix it, but
he just made matters worse.

When will you tenants learn
not to go lousing up the building?

That's my job.

Care for a drink? That's what
I'm here for. I'll have the usual.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Furley.
We're all outta root beer.

Oh. I'll have a
beer then. All right.

So how was your
trip to Lake Tahoe?

You're never gonna believe what
happened. What? What happened?

Well, Bob rented a
boat and took me sailing,

and wouldn't you know, just
as we're miles from shore...

What kinda boat?

Just a small sailboat.

Anyway, everything
was going okay

until we got to the
middle of the lake.

How small?

What?

How small was the
boat? 14 feet? 20 feet?

What's the difference?

Six feet.

Who cares?

Well, if you don't care,
why'd you ask me?

Will you let her finish?

All right! Go ahead.

Anyway, there we were at
the deepest part of the lake...

How deep?

Never mind.

And the rudder
broke off. [whistles]

Bob was doing everything
he could to get it back on,

and just as we were about
to be washed up on the rocks,

some waterskiers threw
us a rope and towed us in.

Wow, that was some close call.

Will you let her finish?

I am finished. Oh.

Well, that was some close call.

But with Bob there, I
was never really worried.

Some more white wine, Carol?

No, I've gotta run.

Oh, Mr. Furley...

I don't suppose you could
take a look at the light switch?

Now? But I haven't
finished my... Please.

Okay. Bye, Larry.

Oh, uh...

could I have a
doggy bag for this?

Guess not.

Mike, gimme Penny's
check, would ya?

What was all that about Bob
and Carol getting stuck in a lake?

Well, from what I hear, some crazy
waterskiers got their rope caught

on Bob's rudder, it broke
off, he couldn't get it on,

and the boat wound
up on the rocks.

Oh.

That's terrible.
What's terrible?

Oh, Bob.

He's all broken up over
what Carol did to his boat.

Because she was looking
at some waterskiers,

the rudder broke off, and
he couldn't get it back on.

What? Yeah. And
that's not the worst part.

[Terri] All right. Hi, Larry.

Hey. [Jack] Good to see you.

[Jack] There's Mike the
bartender. What's happening?

Hi.

Terri, come here. Hi,
Penny. Excuse me.

Terri, you are not gonna
believe what happened.

What? Well... So what
are you gonna have?

Three white wines, Mike, and...

I'd like to buy Larry
here something to drink.

Oh, no, thanks. You
can just pay for these.

Thanks very much. I
appreciate that, seriously.

Oh... Well. Hello there.

Did you see the way she
came onto me? Hold on a sec.

Larry... Gosh.
Thanks a lot, Mike.

Would you put these
on Larry's tab, please?

Here, Terri. Oh, no.

What's the matter?
It's Bob and Carol.

What about Bob and Carol?

Their marriage.
It's on the rocks.

Oh, no. What happened?
What happened?

Well, I don't know exactly.

Something about Bob or
Carol caught Carol or Bob

getting it on with someone.

Who?

A waterskier.

Oh, my God. And now
they're breaking up.

Terri, the hospital
just called for you.

Oh, thanks, Mike.
I have to go, guys.

Oh, guys...

If I were you, I wouldn't
mention this, okay?

I mean, you know
how gossip starts.

Terri, come on. You're
right. I lost my head.

I'll see you later.
Bye-bye. Mum's the word.

Bye.

Can you believe it?

Bob and Carol? That was one
marriage I thought would last forever.

Yeah. It's like they were
the perfect couple. I know.

Ohh... That Bob.

Why'd he have to go
fooling around, anyway?

Yeah. Why'd he have to go and...

Wait a minute, Jack.

Why do you automatically assume
it was Bob who was cheating?

Well, I-I don't know, I just...

Don't you think that
women look at men?

You think it was Carol
that was fooling around?

Oh, that's right,
Jack, blame her.

You... I didn't... Hey,
you were the one...

Just stop trying to make
excuses for him, okay?

We have to something about
getting them back together.

[gasps] There's Bob now.

Why don't you go talk to him?

Me? Why me?

Why not you? Who
introduced them? You.

Who's the one who arranged
their whole honeymoon? You.

Who found 'em an
apartment in our building? You.

Then haven't I done enough?

Come on, Jack.

You go talk to Bob,
and I'll talk to Carol.

But, Janet, what am I gonna say?

Well, just be fair.
Don't take sides. Yeah.

And I'll try to keep Carol from
dumping the two-timing louse.

Hello, Bob. Hi, Janet.

Yo, Bob.

Jack, how are ya? Fine, great,
can't complain, you know how it is.

I can see you're busy, so why
don't I come back some other time.

I'm not doing
anything. Sit down.

Sure. No problem.

Uh, Bob... Hey, listen...

Do you mind if I talk about
something personal? No.

I was afraid you
were gonna say that.

Bob, this-this isn't
gonna be easy, but...

Oh, after all, you know, we're
both adulterers... I mean adults.

We're not... kids
anymore, are we?

[chuckles] Yes?

[in high-pitched voice] Well,
Bob, I was wondering... I was won...

I was won... Excuse me.

There.

Boy, that was
some mess in there.

I never saw wire so tangled up.

Bob tried so hard.

That's okay. The old pro here
got everything straightened out.

Thank you. Hey, how
about a cup of coffee?

Sounds good.

[chuckles]

Okay. Now to light her up.

[doorbell rings]

Just a second.

[doorbell rings]

Coming!

[doorbell rings]

Will you hold your horses?

Mr. Furley,

I think you got
the wires mixed up.

What? That's impossible.

When the day comes that
Ralph Furley doesn't know

the difference between a
light switch and a doorbell...

I think there's
someone at your door.

Hi, Carol. Hi,
Janet. Come on in.

Oh. Hi, Mr. Furley. Hi, Janet.

I was just getting coffee.
Make yourself at home.

Oh, thanks.

Gee, I hope I'm not
interrupting anything. No, no.

Carol's just got a
little problem here.

A problem?

Yeah. It's not
her fault, though.

Bob's the one to blame.

He shouldn't have gone fooling around
someplace where he doesn't belong.

So it was Bob.

Of course it was Bob.

Poor Carol.

Don't worry about her. I'll
have her bell ringing in no time.

What?

Well, Bob couldn't do it.

Mr. Furley!

Mr. Furley, shame on you.

I think you better
just get outta here.

Take your tools with you. Go on.
Shame on you. What's the matter with you?

Oh, he's gone. Yes.

Would you like some coffee?

Oh, Carol. I don't
know how you do it.

No big deal. I just throw
in the coffee and plug it in.

Oh, Carol...

It doesn't help to keep it
bottled up inside of you.

Keep what bottled
up inside of me?

Bob.

Bob and the other woman.

Bob's seeing another woman?

There. Doesn't it feel
better to get it off your chest?

No.

Oh, right. Of course it doesn't.

But, Carol... Look, I'm sure she
doesn't mean anything to him.

This is just a
momentary weakness.

Oh, is that what
it is? Yeah, sure.

And you know what you should
do? I'm thinking of a few things.

Have a talk with Bob.

That's not one of them.

He's down at the Regal
Beagle right now. Thanks, Janet.

Sure.

Oh, Carol...

Well, do you want me
to come with you? No.

You've done enough. Ohh...

What are friends for?

You see what I'm
getting at, Bob?

Yes, Jack, I do.

And you don't mind
my telling you? No, no.

Good.

'Cause what you've got is
too valuable to risk losing.

So you think I ought to
get more fire insurance.

Absolutely.

Okay, I'll get more fire insurance
and see my doctor once a year,

and I promise I won't
mix regular tires with...

[Both] radials.

That it?

Uh... yeah.

No!

Yeah... No! No. No.

No, Bob, there is
one other little thing.

Oh?

[clears throat] Bob...

When a man's been
married for a while,

it's only natural that
he get a little restless

and wonder what
he's been missing.

What are you trying to say?

Don't throw away your
marriage over some waterskier.

A waterskier?

Well, the woman
you've been... seeing.

I'm not seeing another woman.

No? No.

Oh.

Well, Bob...

when a woman's been married
for a while, it's only natural

that she get a little
restless and wonder what...

Wait a minute, now.

Are you saying...
Don't go blaming Carol.

Carol! She has hungers,
desires, needs of the flesh...

Carol! Here I am, Bob.

Huh?

I think we oughta
have a little talk.

Yeah. What a good
idea. There you go.

I'm glad to see
you're back together.

Jack, how's it goin'?
See for yourself.

Oh, gosh, don't they look sweet?

And we did it. Aren't
you proud? Mm-hm.

Me cheating! You're
the one who's cheating!

Oh! I never wanna see you again!

Well, the same goes for me!

Wait, wait, wait. [Janet] Bob!

[cries] Carol!

What the hell's
going on in here?

Bob found Carol getting
it on with a waterskier.

No, Jack, it's the
other way around.

Carol found Bob.

Are you talking about the
waterskier who towed them ashore?

[Both] What? Yeah.

The rudder fell off their boat
and they couldn't get it back on.

If it hadn't been for that guy, they
woulda broken up on the rocks.

Broken up?

On the rocks?
[Janet] Ohh... Ohh...

An hour ago, they
were as happy as clams,

and now they're splitting up.

They are? Oh, Jack.

We've gotta do something about
getting them back together again.

How are we gonna do that?

I know. [Both] What?

Why don't you kids
have a talk with them?

Now, lemme get this straight.

Bob and Carol weren't
ever planning on splitting up?

Not until the Happy
Homewrecker here got into the act.

Hey.

Who told who that Bob
was cheating on Carol?

Whom. You.

No, who told whom.
That's what I said.

No, you didn't, Jack.
You said, "Who told who."

Who told who? Oh,
forget who told who.

Whom!

Janet, I don't believe this.

A marriage has just been destroyed
and you're worrying about grammar!

God, Janet.

Look, Jack.

It's not really your fault,
and it's not my fault either.

Then whose fault is it?

Whoever told you this
malicious gossip in the first place.

Yeah. Wait a
minute, wait a minute.

It was you!

Yeah, that's who!

Whom!

Terri, come on. All right, it
doesn't matter whose fault it is.

You've just got to go up
there and straighten things out.

Yeah, Terri, you're right.

Go ahead, Jack.

Me? I'm not... I'm not... I'm
not going up there. Jack...

No, hey, listen... I-I have
to take a walk. Excuse me.

Oh, Jack, you are such a coward.

Hey, hey, hey!

Don't spread it around.

Hi, Larry.

Furley told me what happened
between Bob and Carol.

You must feel awful.

Oh, Larry, I do.

You should. You
really screwed up.

Thanks for your help, Larry.

Janet. Oh, Larry, please.

I know, you want me to
change the subject. Yeah, right.

I don't blame you. Having
something like that on your conscience.

Thank you for changing
the subject. Any time.

Boy, I don't know, Terri...

If you say one more word about Bob
or Carol, I'll... The subject is closed.

I was just wondering what
idiot started the whole thing.

Larry, you really know
how to empty a room.

Carol! Can I use your phone?

Well, sure, but... I'm calling my
mother to tell her I'm coming home.

Larry, you have
got to talk to her.

I don't know her mother.

Talk to Carol. Now, we've
got to get them back together.

Where are you going?

To talk to Bob.

I'll explain when
I get there, Mom.

Bye.

Where's Terri? Huh?

Oh, she just stepped out
for a little while. Carol...

I think you and I
should have a little talk.

This isn't about
that used car, is it?

[laughing] No,
no, of course not.

Unless you're interested.

Larry. No, right,
right. No, you're right.

We can talk about that later.

What do you wanna talk about?

I wanna talk about you and...

And that no-good,
skirt-chasing two-timer?

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, look...

You and Bob have something
that most people never know.

Love.

No, I'm not talking
about the kind of love

when two people
meet in a singles bar

who wind up having
a cheap, sleazy affair.

Although that can
be wonderful too.

No, no, no.

I'm talking about true love.

And that is something far
too precious to be thrown away

because of a stupid
misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding?

This all happened
because of a rumor?

Yeah. Now, don't
you feel silly? Yes.

I bet you wanna go downstairs
right now and apologize to Carol.

How can I face her
after the things I said?

Bob.

The same thing
happened to me once.

You know, I was going with
a guy who had everything.

And then one day, we
got into this great big fight,

and we broke up over some
silly little misunderstanding.

I called him every
name I could think of.

But you patched things up?

No, I never heard
from him again.

What?

I don't know why he didn't call.

I waited by the
phone for three days.

I couldn't eat...
I couldn't sleep.

It was awful.

What can I do?

Nothing. I don't even know
where he lives anymore.

No, I mean about me and Carol.

Who?

Oh, yes, you and Carol.

Well, I'm going down to your
apartment and beg her to forgive me.

I'm right behind you, Bob.

You really think
Bob'll forgive me?

Hey. I know he will.

Oh, Larry, you're a real friend.

I just came up to...
Oh, excuse me.

Larry! Carol!

Oh, Mr. Furley, we
were just... Never mind.

Uh, I didn't see a thing.

Where you going?
Into my apartment.

Uh... no, you can't.

Why not? Bob wants to see Carol.

No, he doesn't.

[Bob] Is anything wrong? Wrong?

Wha-wha-wha-what makes
you think something's wrong?

By the way you're acting.

Oh, that? Oh, th-tha... that comes
and goes and comes and goes.

It's gone now.

Mr. Furley, may we please go
into my apartment now, thank you.

Carol... Oh, Bob...

I was so wrong. So was I.

[yells] [yell]

What's the matter with
you? He's gonna k*ll her!

What! What!

Larry, Carol, Bob... He
didn't know! Now he does!

Mr. Furley, will you calm
down. Take it easy. Relax.

Calm down, relax...
Yes. Yes. Right.

All right? Easy. Okay. Okay.

Now, are you all calm now? Yes.

What did you wanna tell us?

Bob... and Carol...

[yelling] are in your
apartment and they're gonna...!

Shh. Easy, easy.

Aw, isn't that sweet?

Yeah.

Does it give you any ideas?

Yeah.

I wish I had a guy
like Bob I could hug.

Well... what's wrong with me?

Larry, if you have
to ask... Huh?

Let's give them their
privacy, shall we?

[sighs]

Oh! Ow! Oh... What's the matter?

Oh, it's my neck.
It's all this tension.

Well, I know how
to take care of that.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Uh-huh, right
th... Oh! Ow, ow...

Ah... Ah... Ooh.

No! [yells]

My God, he's gone crazy!

Get down!

What's going on?

Bob was choking Carol!
[Larry] Choking Carol?

Are you nuts?

He was massaging my neck.

See! He was massa... massa...?

I thought he was k*lling you.

Why? They're
back together again.

What? [Terri] Yeah.

They made up? [Larry] Yeah.

Ohh... Thanks to me.

What about me?

I was the one that split
'em up in the first place.

Whoops.

It's okay, Terri. It's okay.

You got us back together again.

Oh, Bob... Thanks
again, Larry. Hey.

Janet... Huh?

I gotta thank you.

For what? I'll
think of something.

Oh, my God.

If this keeps up, I'll
have to get a scorecard.

You know, I still don't
see how that story

about Bob and
Carol got so distorted.

Well, Terri, people
just don't listen.

It happens all the time.

Well, not all the time.

You wanna bet? What?

Hey... I got, uh, $2 right here

that says I can tell the simplest
story to any guy at the bar

and by the time it comes
back it'll be completely different.

Hey, you are on. Put your
money where the table is.

Be right back.
'Kay, if I have it.

[Janet] One... two.

[chuckles]

[clears throat, chuckles]

Well?

What did you tell them?

Oh, nothing.

Just that you needed some extra
money, so you're working overtime.

Oh. Hustling on
the Sunset Strip.

What! Are you out of
your mind? Relax. Easy.

By the time it comes
back to this table,

they'll have you
running for Congress.

Shh. Watch. Watch.

Oh, boy, Terri.

It's a shame the way they've got you
working all that overtime at the hospital.

They really keep you
hustling there, don't they?

Oh... yeah. You see?

Oh, and Janet.

Yeah? You better watch out.

What? The vice squad
is out in force tonight.

What! You win!

♪♪ [theme]

Three's Company was videtaped
in front of a studio audience.