04x04 - It's Agony and I'm Ravenous

Episode transcripts for the TV show "k*lling Eve". Aired April 8, 2018 to current.*

Moderator: kenny_stowton

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Two woman, Eve who is bored with her job that doesn't fufill her fantasies of being a spy and Villanelle, a talented k*ller are equally obsessed with each other, will go head to head in an epic game of cat and mouse.
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04x04 - It's Agony and I'm Ravenous

Post by bunniefuu »

VILLANELLE: I don't like the way I feel.

I want you to fix that.

EVE: Helene is as clueless as we are

about who sits at the top of The Twelve.

HELENE: She's young, she's
green, but she has potential.

- I need her ready to work quickly.
- I m*rder*d my brother.

(CRIES OUT)

There's been another att*ck.
A Russian agent in Cuba.

He must be a member of The Twelve.

I should've done this when we first met.

Done what?

EVE: I rose to your challenge.

- When are you free?
- Now.

('HER (k*lling EVE)' BY UNLOVED)

SONG: ♪ There were no candles lit ♪

♪ The room was dark as night ♪

♪ Just like the colours of my mind ♪

♪ I gave my heart to her ♪

♪ She has my heart ♪

♪ I rose to kiss her ♪

♪ And the flower fell apart ♪

♪ Fire glistened ♪

♪ And tore me apart ♪

♪ Where does love go? ♪

Hello?

♪ I said, "Wherever you are" ♪

- ♪ Ah-ah... ♪
- This is all far too creepy.

- (LOUD THUD)
- Oh!

You brought me all the
way across town for this?

HELENE: Hi, Eve.

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(BANGS ON WINDOW)

I want my phone call!

So...

when's the show start?

I own this.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

My dad used to bring me to
pantomimes here when I was a kid.

I loved it so much.

So he bought it for me.

Of course he did.

Of course he did!

- Well, shall we talk business now?
- Yeah.

So...

the name?

Oh, Lars Meier.

(DARK MUSIC)

He must be a big deal.

He was really hard to find.

Fernanda seems lovely, by the way.

Ah...

She's an idiot.

Oh, see, you didn't play her right.

I would've gotten her
to lead me to Lars.

I didn't say I was looking for him.

But see, here's the thing
I can't figure out.

Why would you need to go through
his ex to track him down?

Unless you don't know who he is.

- Do you not know who he is?
- My, my!

Your brain, it's like a
hamster on a wheel.

It must be exhausting.

(DARK MUSIC)

On the subject of exes,
I hear you've had a busy night.

You got her arrested.

Wow, I'm impressed.

Stop.

Ah! (INHALES SHARPLY)

(DARK MUSIC CONTINUES)

Fine.

It is Lars.

I'll race you.

Let's see who can find him first.

('DON'T BLOW YOUR COOL'
BY THE CARAVELLES)

(SEAGULLS CRY)

_

SONG: ♪ Whatever you do ♪

♪ Don't blow your cool ♪

♪ You never know what'll happen ♪

♪ To you ♪

- ♪ Never get mad... ♪
- (SIGHS)

♪ Don't even quarrel ♪

♪ Don't... ♪

- Should I come in?
- ♪ Blow your cool... ♪

KONSTANTIN: Yes!

♪ Don't get annoyed... ♪

(DOOR CLOSES)

Come in.

So this is where you'll be staying.

I expect you to be contactable
hours a day.

I call. You run. Get it?

Good. Just so you know,
we are not friends.

- Don't ever think we are.
- Okay.

Good. Sit.

(SIGHS)

So, tell me about yourself.

What do you want to know?

What are you good at?

Embalming.

(LAUGHS)

- Embalming?
- Yeah.

(LAUGHS) That's great.

Let's make this simple.

Have you ever k*lled?

- Once.
- (MOCKINGLY) Oh!

A real pro.

This is your new phone.
And keys. Get settled.

And meet me at the end
of the pier in an hour.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

EVE: Look what the cat dragged in.

(BOTH SIGH)

- I'm drunk, by the way.
- Oh, I can smell.

- Hey, guess what.
- What?

Helene doesn't know
what Lars looks like.

(GASPS)

- But we do.
- What?

, .

That is how many social media
posts this woman has.

And I trawled through
every single one of them.

This is the only picture of
them together anywhere.

- Damn, you're good.
- I know!

- Can we do facial recognition?
- Yeah.

But please have a heart,
let me eat something first.

- (BEGRUDGINGLY) All right.
- Yeah.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR UNLOCKS)

(HINGES SQUEAK)

HELENE: Surprise!

I just need a minute. Thank you.

It's good to see you, Villanelle.

You look well, all things considered.

So have you got all this...
out of your system?

Yes. Shall we go?

(HELENE INHALES)

Ah.

Hmm.

What shall I do?

I could try to intimidate you,
but that doesn't work.

I could stroke your ego,
but you know it all already.

Or I could offer you more money,
but you don't care about that.

So I'll just go for honesty.

No-one leaves The Twelve.

- Not you, not me.
- Wrong.

I want more money.

Lots more.

Can we go?

- SONG: ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh... ♪
- Yeah.

- (SIREN WAILS)
- ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
- ♪ All the better ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
- ♪ May the best man win. ♪

(DOOR CLICKS AND THUDS)

Your timing is impeccable as ever.

(DOOR CLICKS AND THUDS)

This... this is a sensitive one.

Fine.

Heathrow, please, Luis.

- (SIGHS)
- ('CALOR' BY PALITO ORTEGA)

(HORNS HONK)

('CALOR' BY PALITO ORTEGA CONTINUES)

_

_

(SPEAKS SPANISH) _

(SPEAKS SPANISH) _

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

('CALOR' BY PALITO ORTEGA CONTINUES)

(SONGS ENDS ABRUPTLY)

Hi.

At least you're punctual.

No, no, no. I want you
to go and push her in.

What do you mean?

Push the woman in the sea!

Why? She hasn't done anything.

There is no 'why'. There's only 'do'.

Go push her in.

No.

Yes!

Are you wasting my time?

Do you want this job?

Or do you wanna be a nobody?

(SPARSE, THOUGHTFUL MUSIC)

Are you stupid?

(LAUGHS)

For God's sake, answer me!

Go home.

- (SPARSE, THOUGHTFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)
- (ELECTRONIC BLEEPING)

- (SPARSE, THOUGHTFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)
- (ELECTRONIC BLEEPING)

(REGULAR ELECTRONIC BLEEPING)

(CLICKS MOUSE)

- Look! Is that him?
- Huh?

(EXHALES)

Wait, that's him, right?

- Older now, but...
- Yeah, that's gotta be him.

AnniePixiXOXO is selling
this picture for euros.

(READS) "'Der Revolutionar,'
Eugenie Allard, Berlin, ."

Eugenie Allard. A photographer.

Most noted for her sh*ts
during the Cold w*r.

Can you get her phone number?

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

(PHONE LINE RINGS)

ANNIE ON PHONE: Oui ?

(ENGLISH ACCENT) Oh, hello.
Do you speak English?

(LAUGHS) Unfortunately.

Fantastic.

I saw your listing online
for 'Der Revolutionar'.

It's such a beautiful image.

Might you know who the subject is?

Nope!

All right. Um...

Do you have any more photographs
of this gentleman?

Probably. I don't know.

Oh, do you think you could have a look?

(SCOFFS) Do you think
I have a bag of time?

Either place a bid or come.

- Pas Vraiment Ordinaire. (HANGS UP)
- (BEEP!)

CAROLYN: Good to see you awake.

I am sorry about the cuffs.

- (MONITORS BEEP STEADILY)
- I'd love a cigar.

Evidently, the FSB is aware that
you're a member of The Twelve,

so I need the names of your contacts.

How about that cigar?

Be a dear.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

(SIGHS)

Good girl.

Ah, you know your way around a cigar.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

(CHUCKLES)

(GRIM MUSIC)

I'll die before I grovel to a woman.

Well, now, that was silly, wasn't it?

SONG: ♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, hold on... ♪

(SNIFFS DEEPLY)

♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪

(GROANS AND SCREAMS)

(SEAGULLS CRY)

(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)

There's something niggling at me.

Andreas went to all that trouble
to get me the position as mayor,

and you just blow it all
up to bring me back here

to train up that little idiot nobody.

Are you losing your touch, Konstantin?

I'm just a realist.

There's nothing special about her.

And there's certainly
nothing special about me.

- So now I'm wondering...
- Wondering is above your pay grade.

Just get the job done.

You know what?
I really like my new life.

So how about this?

You put me back on a plane
to Russia and I keep quiet?

Or I can call Andreas,

check he knows about
whatever it is you're up to.

(LAUGHS) Oh!

- What?
- I know about Paul.

Paul who?

Oh, you must remember Paul.

Grey hair? Glasses.

You framed him for stealing
million euros from The Twelve.

Yeah, get the job done

before The Twelve find out what a
thieving little cockroach you are.

- (GRUNTS)
- (CUP CLATTERS)

('UNE LUNE ETRANGE' BY L'PEE)

SONG: ♪ The wedding moon ♪

♪ And I don't want to choose ♪

♪ Between the black and white ♪

♪ I don't care... ♪

(ENGINE RUMBLES)

♪ I don't care... ♪

- (CAROLYN THUMPS CAR)
- ♪ The storm is coming ♪

♪ Lord, have mercy ♪

♪ And I feel the same... ♪

If you wanted a cigar, you
could've just asked for one.

- ♪ I don't care... ♪
- (BOTH GRUNT)

♪ I chased the dragon in shiny vision ♪

- ♪ And I feel the pain... ♪
- (CAROLYN GROANS)

♪ I don't care... ♪

- (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
- (GRUNTS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

Oh.

It's you.

For future reference, I hate surprises.

Is it too late to offer you
the job you wanted or... ?

- (TOOL RATTLES)
- (CAROLYN SIGHS)

A wrench.

Oh, come on!

You're more inventive than that.
You've always been more inventive.

Even when you were a child.

I often wonder if you remember
the first time we met.

(GROANS) You know?

There was the time in prison, of course,

in Russia, but before that too.

At your orphanage, when
you were nine years old.

I never knew if you remember that.

I liked you instantly.

- (CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYS)
- MAN: Go! Let's go!

High Striker!

Who's got the strongest swing?

Mate! Yes, you.

Yeah, I'm looking at you, mate.

Oh, come on.

Oi! Do you want a go?

Yes!

Come on. Show us your muscles.

(PATRONS SCREAM NEARBY)

- (CLANG!)
- Whoo!

- (BELL DINGS)
- Whoa!

Oh, my...

What the hell... ? How did you do that?

I'm Darren, by the way.

- (POP MUSIC THUDS)
- (GATE SQUEAKS)

(PATRONS CHATTER AND LAUGH)

(ALARM WAILS)

Whoa. Uh...

Uh... Urhhh!

Whoa! Oh...

Huh!

(HYPERVENTILATES, THEN LAUGHS)

Wah!

- (LAUGHS)
- (ETHEREAL FRENCH MUSIC)

(SCREAMS JOYFULLY)

(ETHEREAL FRENCH MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SEAGULLS CRY)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

Prove it.

That was not pleasant.

I said prove it.

I'll need some painkillers.

There's some in the glove box.

Oh, good God, Villanelle.

(WAVES CRASH)

What's happened to you?

I thought you enjoyed
all this at least...

Talk.

You had a bracelet.
A cheap little thing.

With a ballet slipper
pendant attached to it.

I remember it because
of what you did with it.

There was another girl in the orphanage
who, uh, upset you somehow.

Stole your pudding or something.

So in the middle of the night,
while she was sleeping,

you took the bracelet off

and you tied it tightly
around her index finger

so that when she woke
up some hours later,

her finger was turning black.

The staff tried to cut it off,

but it was on so tightly
they just were slicing flesh.

She lost the finger in the end.

You remember that?

(EXHALES)

When you heard that
she had lost the finger...

(LAUGHS)

... you asked if you could see it.

(LAUGHS)

I was like this at nine?

Hmm, you were gifted from birth.

Evil from birth.

You know, humans are like a meze board.

The best of them have a
little bit of everything.

And if you think that your... (SCOFFS)

flair for m*rder, you know,

it speaks to a kind of lack of humanity,

wrong.

k*lling is primal.

It's what nature intended.

And who are we to quibble with nature?

Why waste your time being good

when you could just be good
at what you're good at?

That's what I think, anyway.

But what do I know? I've
just probably got concussion.

(EXHALES)

And I'm ravenous.

Fancy a sandwich before
you dash my brains out?

- After you.
- No, after you.

I'd like to keep you
where I can see you.

(RELAXED SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY)

Ah, buenas tardes, Benita.

Be careful. She's not house-trained.

BENITA: Ai yi yi yi yi!

- Any peep from next door?
- Nothing. Oh!

I need to clean that.

- Good idea.
- Ugh!

Come. Sit.

I cooked.

Oh!

Who's that?

It's Benita.

She comes with the house, apparently.

('JE SUIS UNE GO-GO
GIRL' BY THE LIMINANAS)

_

_

WOMAN: Oui ?

Are you AnniePixiXOXO?

Ah, let me guess. London lady?

So lovely to meet you.

You think this is lovely?

You must have led a sad life.

That's one way of looking at it.

Um, as I mentioned,
I'm interested in that...

'Der Revolutionar' photograph.

Might you know where
it was taken or... ?

My mother took it. She's dead.

Oh, your mother was Eugenie Allard!

She was so talented.

She was a pig.

Oh.

Right.

You said she might have
other photographs of him?

Take your pick. La.

(CHURCH BELL TOLLS)

Isn't it refreshing?

To eat in silence?

So many people are just bags of gas,

expelling air when they have
nothing of any great worth to say.

Just farting from their mouth.

Yeah, exactly.

Mmm!

- Good girl.
- Mmm!

I like big belly.

(WHISPERS) It's really good!

(CHUCKLES)


Despite being under duress,

I meant what I said.

What?

That we'd make a good team.

Hmm.

So...

are you going to tell me who sent you?

Don't I get a bribe or something?

Name it, you can have it.

But I think you'll tell me
because you like me.

That's presumptuous.

Helene.

Helene!

Is she behind these
att*cks on The Twelve?

Because I've been tracking att*cks
on members of The Twelve

and if she's not behind these att*cks,

she'd have been grateful to me for
trying to save them from some...

torturous m*rder*r.

Torturous?

Yeah. One of them survived.

I have the hideous toad here.

Next door.

You should meet him.

Might inspire you.

What happened to him?

'Him' has a name. Rustem.

- (MONITOR BEEPS STEADILY)
- (SCOFFS)

His toes were severed and
inserted into his nostrils.

Wow.

Nice.

May I?

(GASPS AND GROANS)

(LAUGHS ADMIRINGLY) Who did this?

As yet unknown. But a woman.

A beast.

Not like you.

- You're a thoroughbred. (GROANS)
- Oh, shut up!

(MONITOR BEEPS RAPIDLY)

Bilious man.

What do you want from him?

Who, why, what. Whatever.

Who are his contacts?

Why does Helene want him dead?

What's next? And failing that...

whatever you can get.

Okay.

You can go.

Good.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC)

(SQUELCH!)

- _
- (PHONE CHIMES)

(PHONE CHIMES)

- (CHIMES)
- _

_

Can I buy these?

(GROANS)

(MONITOR BEEPS STEADILY)

The hell are you doing?

How many toes did she get in there?

- Piss off!
- It's just impressive.

What was her name?

(SIGHS AND GROANS)

Well, it has got me
wondering what other...

large things can be
inserted into small places.

(MONITOR BEEPS STEADILY)

Cheese wire.

(SIGHS)

Are you sure you didn't get her name?

_

(GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)

(CONTINUES CRYING OUT)

(SOBS)

The left one or the right one?

Just k*ll me, if you're going to do it.

Okay.

(SCREAMS)

- What did she look like?
- (SPITS)

(SIGHS)

(SCREAMS)

- Tall! She was huge!
- And?

- She was evil!
- (LAUGHS)

Who were your Twelve contacts?

Please, I'll tell you. Just stop.

Quickly.

I don't have a name.

- Only a place.
- A place?

What place?

El Hombre de Dos Caras.

(MONITOR BEEPS QUICKLY)

(GROANS)

('L'AMOUR EST BLEU' BY VICKY LEANDROS)

(MONITOR DRONES STEADILY)

(PHONE BUZZES)

Yes?

PAM: Uh... I've just been mugged.

- What?
- Um, they... they got my keys.

My money. I think I
need to go to hospital.

Where are you?

(SEAGULLS SQUAWK)

(SIGHS)

(SHRIEKS)

('CALL ME WHEN YOU HAVE
A CLUE' BY UNLOVED)

(LAUGHS)

Yes!

That's more like it.

Don't underestimate me.

(SNIFFS)

(GUFFAWS)

It would help if we knew
what we were looking for.

I don't know.

I hope I'll know when I know,
if you know what I mean.

Let's play truth or dare.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Are you a born-again Christian?

How do you know everything?

(LAUGHS)

God is good.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Is it true your dad was a sexy gay spy?

It's true. Daddy did have
a penchant for the penis.

A penchant!

Truth or dare?

(LAUGHS)

Truth.

What intrigues you about Eve?

Well, I just met a therapist and...

he said I just like the
control I have over her.

Is that true?

It's not not true.

Well, therapists. What do they know?

I mean, you just pay them to repeat
your questions back at you.

That's what I said! Truth or dare?

(PATRONS MURMUR)

Dare.

('BABARABATIRI' BY BENNY MORE)

Hello.

I thought you were dead.

- Shall I chase him?
- Yes.

(PEOPLE GASP)

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(EVE SIGHS)

So, what's the news?

Are you in a rush?

I was about to have a bath.

(SIGHS)

Pour yourself a drink.

(SIGHS)

- (SULTRY MUSIC)
- (WOMAN VOCALISES WORDLESSLY)

You want to play?

I'll play.

Here.

Why do you do it?

What?

Your job.

I don't like weak women.

I don't want it for myself.

I don't want to see it in others.

So you take vulnerable
kids like Pam and then...

turn them into your army of... fembots?

Fembots?

Pew-pew-pew!

(CHUCKLES)

I take them from their sorry
little lives and I give them power.

Who's this all for?

Eve... you don't know what I do.

Or what I give to them.

So tell me.

(SULTRY MUSIC SWELLS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SQUEAKING)

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry.

Oh... um...

If you could just... Sorry.

- Ooh! Uh... Yeah.
- Yeah?

Mm-hm.

This is so uncomfortable.

I made soup. You want some?

I really do.

(SULTRY LATIN MUSIC)

So, how did you know that man?

He was an old flame.

Is he Twelve?

Problem is I've now given him
a chance to go to ground.

I think I'd better make tracks.

Berlin. You care to join?

(SIGHS) I didn't give you a dare!

Oh, go on, then.

Do air guitar.

No, that's pointless.

Well, dares are pointless.

The point of them is to be pointless.

- Come on.
- (SIGHS)

What? You look like you're
stroking a tiny gerbil.

Don't do that.

Give me more.

I need much more.

(EPIC GUITAR RIFF)

Yes.

(LAUGHS) That was...

That was amazing.

Ridiculous.

Goodbye, Villanelle. Be good.

Carolyn?

I'm sorry I tried to k*ll you.

(CHUCKLES)

(PHONE RINGS)

SONG: ♪ It won't be long ♪

♪ Till the summer calls ♪

♪ And the rain starts to fall ♪

♪ It won't be long ♪

♪ It won't be long... ♪

- (PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
- ♪ It won't be long ♪

♪ It won't be long ♪

- ♪ It won't be long. ♪
- (PHONE STOPS RINGING)

(WOMAN SPEAKS FRENCH ON TV)

HELENE: Oh, that guy is lazy!

He's going home this week.

Mmm.

Oh, um...

haven't told you the news.

Mmm.

I got Villanelle out.

- She's free.
- What?

I thought you'd want to know.

(TROUBLING MUSIC)

Do you know what passion is?

People think it's sex, excitement.

But the actual definition
of passion is 'to suffer'.

That's what it is about
Villanelle, isn't it?

You love this, don't you?

(CHUCKLES)

It delights you.

I think... it delights you.

This is what you want.

You have no idea.

(PASSIONATE MUSIC)

SONG: ♪ If you've ever been in love ♪

♪ You know how good it feels ♪

♪ How bad it hurts ♪

♪ Ever since ♪

♪ I've never been the same. ♪

CAROLYN: Do you ever think
what might have happened

if we hadn't done what we did?

Do you think we might have
had nice, normal existences?

- Do you have someone in there?
- What? No.

You totally do, don't you?

I know what you did.

I found a finger under the bed.

You threw me in the water

and now I have an ear infection.

VILLANELLE: You want to go shopping?

What really happened in Paris?

- I went to Helene's.
- HELENE: It is Lars.

He must be a big deal.

I'm going now. Do you wanna come?

(PASSIONATE MUSIC CONTINUES)
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