08x10 - Now You See It, Now You Don't

[bunniefuu]

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are
hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Come on, Ter, it's your move.

It's open, Larry!

Hi. Listen, I need
a quick answer.

My date just cancelled on me.

I made such big plans.

How would you girls like

to have an exotic
dinner with me?

Exotic dinner? Sure!

Yeah, sounds wonderful.

That's great. I just spent 6
bucks on Chinese takeout.

I hate to see it go to waste.

Ohh!

Hi, Jan, Ter, Lar.

Woo! Woo!

Please, please, please, please,

please, please,
please, please, please.

What, you got a date
in a store window?

What did you do,

just fallen off a wedding cake?

No. It just so happens

that I'm going to a
charity party tonight

with Miss Jessica Barrish.

Not the Jessica Barrish?

That's right...

Queen of the jet-setters.

So what if she's rich?

I'm willing to
accept her faults.

What is she doing
with you, slumming?

That's funny.

She happens to enjoy
my company, Lawrence.

Oh, yeah? Which company
did you tell her you owned,

AT&T or just IBM?

That's funny. Listen, Shecky,
I got a favor to ask you.

Can I borrow your
car for tonight?

Sure. Can I borrow
Jessica tomorrow night?

Larry... I'll get the keys.

Come here.

Yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

Of course, Janette,
darling, anything.

Does she think that you're rich?

Well, she knows that
I own a restaurant,

among other things.

What other things?

We didn't go into details.

She thinks he's rich.

Jack, you are getting
in over your head,

pretending to be
something you're not.

Terri, I... look, I...

Jack, let me ask you something.

Don't you feel silly
trying to keep up

with her and her rich friends?

Janet, I can keep up with
that rich crowd just fine.

Now let me ask you something.

Can I borrow $30?

What?

Well, look, it costs
$50 per person to get in.

I paid Angelino the rent
money, so I'm a little short.

Short? Okay, you can
borrow my high heels.

Would you... Janet, please.
I'll pay you back Thursday.

Please, please.

Give it to him, Janet.

I can't stand to see
a grown man cry.

Okay, okay. Okay.

All right, all right, all right.

Thank you so much.

I've only got a
couple of 20s, Terri.

You think you have change?

Let me just take a look.

You guys are
great. You see that?

You're real friends, you know?

Surprise.

Jessica. Uh, hi.

Uh, you were supposed to
meet me at my restaurant.

Well, I got there early,

and I couldn't wait to see you,

so I asked your helper
where to find you,

and here I am. I
hope you don't mind.

Well, uh...

You don't live here, do you?

Yes. What?

Yes, I don't live here.

Oh.

I thought not.

Okay, Jack, here's your money.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Uh... and if you're ever
late with the rent again,

it's sidewalk time.

What?

You heard me.

Did I tell you

I also dabble in real estate?

Oh.

Give these tenants an
inch, they'll rob you blind.

Well, well...

My, my, my. Who's
this vision of loveliness?

That's Miss Barrish
to you, Lawrence.

And out of uniform again.
Look at this. My chauffeur.

He's, uh... You'll have
to excuse his manners.

He's totally lost when
he's not behind the wheel.

I'm so sorry, sir.

I... I got carried away.

No problem, Lawrence. Very good.

We won't be needing
you this evening.

We're going to use
Miss Barrish's car.

Very good, sir.

Oh. About tomorrow, sir.

Will you be using the
Caddy or the Rolls?

The... The Rolls.

Very good, sir.

The blue or the green?

It doesn't matter.

Top up or down? Get out!

Whatever you say, sir.

So hard to get decent
help nowadays, isn't it?

Oh, dear. Shall we go?

Uh, Mr. Tripper, sir, may
we have a word with you?

Oh, that's all right.

I'll let you finish
your business.

I'll wait downstairs.

I... I hate to leave my Jaguar
alone in this neighborhood.

Lordy, I know what you mean.

What?

So, Muffin...

now we're just tenants.

Yes, Binkie.

A minute ago, we
were his friends.

I didn't know what to tell her.

Try telling her the truth,
Jack, that you're not rich.

Yeah, she's bound to
find out sooner or later.

Then I don't have to tell her.

Oh, Jack!

You'd better tell
her the truth tonight.

Okay, okay.

I'll tell her that I don't
have any money,

because you tenants
are robbing me blind.

Oh, Jack! Come back here...

Number 6 a winner!
Number 6 a winner!

There she goes.

Where she stops nobody knows.

Okay, number 28
black is the winner.

Number 28.

Sure. Here you go, Barry...

15,000 in chips.

15,000?

That's what everybody gets

with the price of admission.

Too bad it isn't real money.

Ha ha! I wouldn't be
giving it away then.

Sign here.

For play money?

We've got to
keep a strict count.

Whoever wins the most
at the end of the night

wins the prize.

Oh. All right.

Good evening, Miss Barrish.

Hello, Evelyn.

Hello, Evelyn. I'm Jack Tripper.

Here's my donation.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

Wow! Your father lives here?

Yes.

It's, uh... nice.

Now that he's all alone,

he really doesn't
need a big place.

Champagne?

You got any beer?

Beer?

It's just for later so I
can shampoo my hair.

That's okay, Jack.
I like beer, too.

You know, that's
what I love about you...

You're so down-to-earth
and unpretentious.

Well, it's just something I
picked up at prep school.

Champagne?

Mm.

My pleasure.

Oh, I have such
exciting plans for us...

Opening night at the opera,

the Grand Prix in Monte Carlo,

skiing the slopes of St.
Moritz in the springtime.

St. Moritz?

You will be able to
get away, won't you?

Get away.

Uh...

Jessica, there's
something I have to tell you.

It means a lot for me

to be able to share these things

with a man who's
going to be my lover.

Jessica, I'm not
real... Your lover?

Yes.

Well, now, the prospect
doesn't bother you,

does it?

No, no, not at all.

Now, what were you going
to say about St. Moritz?

I'll start waxing
my skis tomorrow.

Jessica, darling, how are you?

Oh, hello, Bradley.

Jack, this is Bradley
and Veronica Hastings.

Delighted.

Brad. Veron.

Hello.

They're Hastings Tissues.

Hastings Tiss-yues? Oh, yes.

I use them quite
regularly, I must say.

I see all your commer-see-als.

How do they go? Uh... uh...

♪ All Hasting Tissues
are two blows thick ♪

♪ So reach for a Hastings
when you are sick ♪

Pppt-ppt, ppt-ppt!

Whoop!

Whoops!

That's marvelous.

Love to have you
come down to the house

and sing that for Daddy.

He wrote the damn thing.

Where have you
been hiding this one?

I'm not talking.

Well, you must bring him
to our party next Friday.

See you then.

Wonderful. Nice
to meet you, B, V.

Take care.

You made a hit.
My friends like you.

Well, I must have them
come up to my house

and play a polo match.

We can all horse around
or something like that.

Jessica! I didn't
see you come in.

Hi, Dad.

Is this the thief? Huh?

The one who stole
my daughter's heart?

Oh, Dad.

Jack, this is my father.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.

Don't be too sure.
You don't know me yet.

It seems like a
nice turnout, Dad.

Yes, everything's
going just fine.

A couple of the
waitresses didn't show up,

so I've been filling in.

Well, it's better than
filling out, isn't it?

Oh, that's a good one!

Jessica, you've
finally picked a winner.

Hyah! Oh.

Jack, it's good to
have you with us.

Thank you.

You wouldn't believe

some of the phonies
she's brought home.

Oh, I knew you'd like him.

Well, you're not gonna make
any money standing around here,

so come with me.

Sure.

We'll set you up.

Okay.

Here's 15,000 in chips. Enjoy.

$15,000?

Fiftee... f-fitty thousa doll...

$15,000? $15,000?

Something wrong?

$15,000? $15,000.

No, it's just that I thought

this was gonna be a real game.

A real game!

I like him. Sign here.

Huh?

We've got to keep a record,

so sign your real name.

Oh. Here we go.

Thank you very much, sir.

Look at this... $15,000.

Enjoy!

My chip.

Oh, sorry. Those are my...

Hey, freeze!

Oh, I'm sorry.

No problem. I don't...

I don't want you to
exert yourself, you know.

I'll get... Those? No,
those are yours, okay.

Let the chips fall
where they may.

Let's play some roulette.

Number 7 red is a winner.

Number 7 red.

Well, there goes another 10,000.

But as long as
you're having fun.

That's what I always say.

Well, what shall we bet?

Uh... well, I'll bet
a dollar on, uh...

That's a hundred
dollar chip, sir.

A hun...

Uh, do you have change?

$100 is the minimum bet, sir.

Oh! Oh, yes, of
course, of course.

You don't have any
micro-chips, do you?

Little ones? No?
Okay, let's see.

Uh, 8's my lucky number,

so why don't we do...

Wait. Hang on one second.

You know something?

17. That's my
birthday, the 17th.

Can't go wrong
there. One second.

What month is
September? 9, right?

Let me do 9 for sure. Where's 9?

There. Little 9.

Jack. Yeah?

You're holding up the table.

Maybe... You know something?
Let me do 100 on the red.

No problem.

And, uh, to play it safe,

100 on the black.

Betting on both colors?
You can't win that way.

Oh. Then, uh, why bother?

Spin it.

Maybe you'd like something

a little more exciting.

Oh, I would, I would.

Craps is much more fun.

Oh. Craps.

Number 3 the winner, number 3.

We're looking for a new sh**t.

Right here.

Reach for the sky.

Oh, I see. Oh, me?

Uh... okay.

Come on, 7-11.

You have to place a bet first.

Oh, I knew that.

Just, uh, being jocular.

Let's see, uh,
eeny-meeny-miney...

Uh, why don't you
let me place the bet?

I feel lucky.

Sure, go ahead.

Bet it all.

All?

Snake eyes. You lose.

I didn't mean... Wait a minute.

No, no. That was a mis...

Sir, could I
speak... That was...

Lose all your money?

The man took the mon...

Well, easy come, easy go!

Isn't this great?

Yeah. Nothing like
eating out of a paper box.

Actually, Larry, when you
asked us out to dinner tonight,

I was kind of hoping we'd
get out of the apartment.

Well, if Terri doesn't mind,

you and I could take
this stuff up to my place.

Just a thought.

Hey, Jack!

Hi, guys. What's happenin'.

What are you doing
home so early?

Oh, it's just that the
party was so boring.

Oh. Why don't you
come join us? Come here.

No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

All right, girls.
Now for some fun!

It's fortune cookie time.

Oh, enough, Larry.
You're spoiling us.

No, no, no. This
came with the dinner.

Let me see here.

"A fool and his money
are soon parted."

"True love has no price tag."

"Confucious say:

"man who has money to
burn makes an ash of himself."

Jack, what's the matter?

Come on. What's the matter?

Come on. Oh, Janet.

The party wasn't
boring. I snuck out.

I didn't even say
goodbye to Jessica.

Why not? They
had gambling there.

Oh, yeah? How'd you do, pal?

I lost $15,000.

$15,000?

You don't have $15,000.

I know, but Mr. Barrish
made me sign for it

and now I have to
come up with $15,000.

Don't look at me. I just blew
my whole wad on this dinner.

Larry!

Jack...

I lost every...

Wait a minute. What's this?

Oh, I forgot about these.

Hey, hey! We're
back in business!

Larry, this is only $400.

That's all we need to
win your money back.

Are you crazy? That's how he
got into the mess in the first place.

Don't you see?

He didn't know
what he was doing.

But with me by his side,
we'll win all his money back.

How can I do that?

I have a system!
He has a system!

No time to talk, Janet.
Larry's gotta get changed.

You got a tux? Got a tux.

He's got a tux and
he's got a system.

Work with me, Larry.

Do you think they'll
win his money back?

Are you kidding?

Okay. Then it's up to us.

We're gonna have to
talk to Jessica's father.

We'll tell him that
Jack got carried away

and he doesn't really
have that kind of money.

Do you think he'll buy that?

Terri, this is a charity affair.

All they want to do
is raise some money.

They don't want to
get anybody in trouble.

Oh, I don't know
if it'll do any good.

Would you rather leave it up
to the Chinese takeout artist?

Let's go.

Seven. A winner.

Oh, wow. Look at this place.

Just a moment. Huh?

Where are your tickets?

Oh, um, we're not guests.

No, no. We just have
to see Mr. Barrish.

Oh, you should have
been here hours ago.

What?

The kitchen's back that way.

You'll find your
waitress uniforms there.

Waitress uniforms?

No, you see, we're...
We're, uh, changing.

Changing right
now. Come on, Terri.

What did I tell you?
Look at this place.

Well, hello again, Evelyn.

Welcome back, Mr. Tripper.

Nice to be back. Thank
you, thank you. Evie.

Excuse me, sir. Do
you have a ticket?

How much are they? $50.

Even for the press?

Oh, are you with a newspaper?

You better go in
without me, Jack.

I should be covering that party
at the Western White House.

Oh, wait, please.

Mr.? Scoop Dallas is the name.

Mr. Dallas, could you
give us a few minutes?

It's a very, very worthy cause.

Well, if it's for a
worthy cause...

Do you have any
complimentary chips?

Excuse me. Come on, Scooper.

Now how do we find out
which one Jessica's father is?

We'll ask somebody.

Why didn't I think of that?

Excuse me, sir.

Well, well.

A tasty dish
carrying a tasty dish.

I don't know which
one to try first!

Try this.

Four, four! A field roll four.

Hurry up, Larry. How long does it take
for this system of yours to get started?

Jack. What do I bet on?

I'm working on it. Let's see.

First a five came
up, then a nine.

Then a craps, then that
gorgeous redhead passed by.

Larry, would you
get on top of this?

Okay, all right.

Bet it all on 11.

Maybe it's nine. What?

11.11 a winner! 11!

I won! I won!

You see, my system
works every time.

Larry, look at that. I
doubled my money!

We'll never find
him at this rate.

I know.

Oh, there's Mr. Barrish
now. Oh, Good.

Wait! I'm not done!

Oh, here.

Hors d'oeuvre?

No, I'd rather have
something to eat.

Wow. People really seem
to be having fun at this party.

Well, that's the idea.

Yeah, but it probably
wouldn't be too much fun

if somebody lost a whole
lot of money gambling.

Why not? Well...

You know, if they
couldn't afford it.

Couldn't afford it?

We're not playing
with real money.

You're not?

No, this is for fun.

Now who would be stupid
enough to think this was for real?

I won again!

Look at this, Larry.

I won back everything I
lost. We can go home now.

Whoa! When you're on
a roll, let it ride. No, no...

Guaranteed, Jack.
Jack, I'm telling you...

Let... Yikes!

11! Another winner!

See, you just have to know
what you're doing, you know?

Okay, talk to me
again. Make it work.

Move it, mama! Aye!

Seven, a natural!
Seven! A natural.

But that's $30,000. Ahh!

Pssst!

Leave him alone. He's hot.

Luck, you'd better be
some kind of lady tonight.

Seven! Another winner! Seven!

I did it again!

Partners. Remember, partners.

I have to talk to you.

Not now, he's on a roll.

Hum baby, hum
baby, hum baby, hye...

Yo, 11! Yo, 11!

Look at this.

Excuse me, who
needs your tissues.

From now on, I'm
gonna blow my nose

in $100 bills. Excuse me!

Jack.

You came back. Oh, did I ever.

Look at all this money I won!

Ya-ya-ya-ya-yahoo!

Jack, you're making
a fool of yourself.

You know perfectly
well this isn't real money.

Maybe not to you, but
to a poor guy like me,

this is a fortune.

Poor? Well, I was,
but not anymore.

You mean you lied to me?

Just a little bit. I will make
it up to you in St. Moritz.

Okay, come on. Yap yap
yap, yap yap yap. Ah-ha!

Seven! Another winner! Seven!

Jack! There is
over $100,000 here!

I'm rich! I'm rich!

We're rich! We're rich!

God, look at this. Look at this.

Jack! Jack!

Janet, Terri, what
are you doing here?

It's about the money.

Oh, yeah. Your $30.
Here you go, sweetheart.

Keep the change. Interest.

Give something to the
blonde woman, Larry.

There you go. There's
more where that came from.

Well, you're certainly
the big winner tonight.

You said it, Pops, and
you can say it again.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the big winner tonight
is Mr. Jack Tripper.

There you go. Thank you.

Uh, sorta empty isn't
it? Where's the money?

The cup is the prize.

Is this worth $100,000?

Of course not.

Wait a minute. Huh?

Don't tell me you thought you
were gambling for real money?

Listen, everybody!

He thought he was
playing for real money!

Jessica, listen. I...

Come, Jessica. There's
someone I want you to meet.

Gladly.

See that, Larry?

Everybody's walking out on me.

You talking to me, stranger?

Oh, Jack.

This is the worst
night of my life.

Come on. It's not that bad.

Yeah. Come on. Cheer up.

Ch... Terri.

I lost my girl, I lost
my self-respect,

I lost my play money.

The only consolation is, I
don't have anything else to lose.

Wait a minute!

It was my system, it's my cup.

Okay.

Hi. Hi.

You wanna go home now?

I'd like to go into a deep
hole and never come out.

Oh, come on. At least you
learned a lesson from all this.

That I did. Yeah.

Don't try to be
something that you're not.

And don't ever
lie about yourself.

Try to remember that.

Excuse me.

Didn't we meet in the Bahamas?

No.

Sorry.

I think it was Monte Carlo.

See you back at the beach house.

Ta-ta!