08x11 - The Charming Stranger

[bunniefuu]

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are
hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Oh, Janet,

I just ran into the most
terrific guy in the laundry room.

And I was so flustered,

I just knocked his
laundry all over the floor.

Couldn't you have
just said hello?

Oh, you should've heard
him. He was so charming.

Ooh, why? What'd he say?

He said, "Sorry."

"Sorry?" That's it?

Oh, it was the way he said it.

Yeah, sure. Listen, Terri.

I'm really starving. You wanna
go down to the Beagle with me?

No, thanks. I have
too much to do.

I have to wash my hair, do
my nails... Come on, Terri.

Excuse me.

I'm afraid they're not my size.

Oh, um, Leslie, this
is my roommate Janet.

Janet, Leslie Bennington.

Hi.

First Terri, now you.
Mr. Furley was right.

About what?

He said these apartments
were beautifully decorated.

Well, don't just stand there.

Come on in.

Would you care to sit down?
Oh, thank you very much.

Um, do, uh...

Do I detect a slight
English accent?

Slight? And I've
worked so hard on it.

I mean being born
in London and all that.

Oh, Leslie.

How long have you been here?

Well, I arrived a few days ago.

Saw an ad in the
paper, and got the flat

right next to yours
as luck would have it.

As luck would have it.

So...

you both live here?

Yes, with another roommate.

As lovely as you two?

Well, actually...

♪ Let's go surfin' now ♪

♪ Everybody's learning how ♪

♪ Come on the safari with me ♪

Hey, girls! Girls, you
missed all the fun.

Oh, hi. Hi.

Your roommate?

As luck would have it.

Jack, this is Leslie Bennington.

Oh. Nice to meet
ya. How do you do?

Leslie just came
here from England.

Oh, really? Yeah.

And he was kind enough
to return Terri's underwear.

From England? Boy,
Terri, you really get around.

I lost them in the
laundry room, Jack.

When we bumped into each other.

Must have been some collision.

Lose anything else
that you know of, Terri?

A little joke, sort of a joke.

Jack, Leslie just
moved in next door.

Do you mind?

No. Hey, you can live
wherever you want.

It's a free country.

No, I meant the pipe.

No. No, of course not.

As a matter of fact,
I think pipes are so...

Well, they're so...

Smelly?

Manly. Oh, yeah. That, too.

So, Leslie, what are you
doing here in the colonies?

Well, a little of
this, a little of that.

Hope you get a job soon.

Jack! What?

Aren't you gonna
be late for work?

It's my night off.

Too bad.

Leslie, I was just thinking

about going down
to the Regal Beagle.

Would you care to join me?

The Regal Beagle?

Yes, it's like an English pub.

Oh, well, maybe
I'll try it anyway.

Well, I'll just knock up
and we'll pop over there.

Pop? Good.

Leslie Bennington? How droll.

That guy is a phony.

Oh, come on, Jack. I
think you're just jealous.

Yeah. Jealous? Me?

Why would I be jealous
of a guy like that?

Pip, pip. Jolly good.

I'm terribly sorry that I
burped before the Queen.

I didn't realize
it was her turn.

Ha ha. Pip, pip. Toodle-oo,
and all that sort of...

Julie Andrews, right?

Let's go.

Yes, I'm starved.

I thought you had
all those things to do?

This is one of them.

Are you joining us, Jack?

Uh, I really should
take a shower.

Yeah, you really should.

Shall we?

Cheerio. Cheerio.

Wheaties. Rice Krispies.

Coco Puffs.

Oh, Leslie, what a
wonderful evening.

Oh, and thank you, Leslie,
for making it so wonderful.

I had a marvelous time myself.

And why wouldn't I, with
such charming company?

Oh, Leslie, you're
such a flatterer.

He was talking to me.

What do you say, Les?

How'd you like the Regal Beagle?

It was marvelous.

The first time I've been in

an English pub
that serves tacos.

That's so funny.

Isn't that funny, Jack?

A riot.

Well, it's late.

I must be toddling off.

Oh, must you toddle?

Yes, I have things to do.

Anything I can help you with?

No, no, I just have a
little straightening up to do.

Oh, I'll go with you.
I'm good at that.

No!

Thank you very
much, but it's, uh...

it's something I
have to do alone.

You do understand, don't you?

Oh, of course I do. Of course.

But anytime you need any help,

I'm right next door.

We both are.

Well, thanks again.

You're welcome.

Good night.

Good ni...

What got into you tonight?

What do you mean?

The way you
behaved around Leslie.

You were so pushy.

Pushy? Uh-huh

Who was throwing herself at him

in the Regal Beagle?

Well, who was throwing her
underwear at him in the laundry room?

Janet! Terri!

Butt out, Jack!

Hang on. I got
a question for ya.

Hold it, hold it, hold
it. Jack, what is it?

What do you think it is that
your friend Leslie is trying to hide?

What do you mean?

Did you see how upset he
got when Terri offered to help?

"No!"

Well, I guess he just
had other things...

Then what kind of a
dumb excuse is that?

"It's something I
have to do alone."

I told you before,
this guy is a phony.

He is not.

Yeah. There's absolutely
nothing wrong with Leslie.

Wow, he's really got you
girls fooled, doesn't he?

Everyone liked
him at the Beagle.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, except for
Mike the bartender.

Yeah. Leslie kept paying
him with £5 notes. Ha ha!

£5? American money's
not good enough for him?

That's all he had. Yeah.

And, Jack, you should
have seen him playing darts.

You could have gotten
some pointers from him.

Look who you're talking to.

You're forgetting who holds
the record at the Beagle.

Not any more.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Well, let me tell you
something. What?

Good night.

I love your dress.

You can borrow it.

I don't want to borrow it.

Then don't dream of it. Ha ha!

Come here! Girls!
Quick! Come here!

What do you want? Into my Room!

What?

Jack!

Shh! Listen! Listen!

What is going on?

It's Leslie. I heard voices
coming from his apartment.

And one of them's a woman.

How long have you been
hearing voices, Jack?

Really, Jack. You poor thing.

We are gonna have
to keep an eye on you.

Girls, will you wait a minute?

Janet, I tell you, I heard a
woman laughing in my bedroom.

I bet it wasn't the first time.

I...

Aaahhh!

I tell you, it's
sickening, Larry.

I mean, these girls are
making total fools of themselves.

This guy Leslie's been
in town for three days.

He's already got them
sipping tea, nibbling crumpets,

and talking like My Fair Lady.

I gotta go now, pal.
Somebody's at the door.

Yeah. Yeah, right.
Talk to you later.

I say, old chap,
have you seen Leslie?

I can't believe
it. Not you, too.

Oh, somebody else
is looking for him?

He's down at the Regal
Beagle with Terri and Janet.

What do you want to see him for?

Oh, I wanted to ask him about
this ad in the London Dispatch.

You bought the London Dispatch?

No!

Leslie threw it away.

I picked it up, you see.

Amusing paper.
Listen to this ad.

"Attractive widow from
Kensington, financially independent,

interested in meeting handsome
and debonair gentleman."

What did you want to ask Leslie?

How'd she hear about me?

Here's one for you, Jack.

"Lonely nurse,
artistically inclined,

loves ballet and long romantic
walks in the moonlight."

His name is Cecil.

Okay, Mr. Furley...
I tell you, Jack,

these English people
really have class.

Even their crooks have titles.

I don't care... Titles?

Yeah. Listen to this.

"Duke and Duchess score again.

Elusive couple rob racetrack."

Yeah, Mr. Furley, that
doesn't interest me.

What really does interest me is what
do you know about this guy Leslie?

I mean, what kind of
a job does he have?

Is he here on vacation or what?

Jack, what do you
take me for, a snoop?

What Leslie does until 3:00 in
the morning is his own business.

3:00 in the morning?

Well, that's what time
he gets home every night.

Not that I've been
keeping track or anything.

Wait. Mr. Furley...

Have you ever seen
him with a woman?

Oh, I sure have. I knew it!

Sometimes it's Terri
and sometimes it's Janet.

No, I didn't mean...
And sometimes it's both.

Will you forget it!

I wanted to, but
you kept asking!

Damn!

"The Duke and Duchess,

"as Scotland Yard calls
England's most notorious thieves,

got away with £1
million in £5 notes."

£5 notes?

Oh, hi, Jack. Oh, hi, Jack.

Evening, old chap.

Hi, Duke... Luke...
Lando... Los... Leslie.

Thank you, ladies,

for a most enjoyable evening.

Oh, won't you
come in for a while?

Oh, I'd like to, but I
have some work to do.

Alone, again?

Unfortunately.

Good night, all.

Cheerio.

You didn't give me a chance
to get a word in all night.

Well, why didn't you say something
while you were nibbling on his ear?

Nibbling on his ear?

Girls, girls!

Let's not fight over the Duke.

What Duke?

That's what Scotland
Yard calls him.

Scotland Yard?

Yes, I think you'll find this
part especially interesting.

"The Duke and Duchess are
believed to have fled the country

with over £1
million in £5 notes."

Oh, Jack, you don't think...

That's his trouble,
Terri. He never thinks.

Oh, yeah? Try this on for size.

The Duke steals £1 million

and them leaves England
and comes over here

looking for a hideout
in Santa Monica.

And then he starts
throwing £5 notes around.

And why not? It's not his money.

Jack! I can go on.

Oh, really? Well, in
that case, Sherlock,

if he is the Duke,
where is the Duchess?

Where? Mm-hmm.

Where? I'll tell you where.

She's in there with him!

Remember the voices?

Oh, here we go
again with the voices!

Okay, if that's your
attitude, I'm gonna go to bed.

I'd wish he'd get
off of Leslie's back.

Yeah, I wish you would, too.

What?

But then again, if you're
gonna be nibbling on his ear...

I told you I never nibbled
on anybody's ear...

Girls! Quick!
It's Leslie! Hurry!

Get over there. Just
get over there and listen.

Jack, will you stop with this!

Listen! Listen!

Don't you dare
talk to me like that!

I mean it!

That's Leslie.

What do you expect me to do?

You're arguing with me!

And that's a girl.

That's no girl.
That's the Duchess.

Oh, really, Jack!
You're being ridiculous!

The Duchess? Yeah, ridiculous.

Okay, so who was that
woman he was arguing with?

Probably just his girlfriend.

That's right.

Oh. Oh.

Now, look, if the
Duchess is his girlfriend,

you two can stop
fighting over him.

We weren't fighting over him.

Oh. Anything you say, slugger.

Knock it off, Jack.

Yeah.

Don't take it out on me
just 'cause there's something

fishy about your friend Leslie.

Oh, Jack, one more
word from you...

Janet... That's the word!

Where you going?

Out to get some fresh air.

Oh. Leslie. Hi.

Oh. Hi.

Uh, going on a trip?

Trip? Oh, no. No. No.

Then why the suitcase?

Oh, uh, just a little
errand, that's all.

Oh.

Well, then I guess, uh...
your work is all finished?

Uh, uh, my work?

Oh, right! Yes, it's,
uh, it's all finished.

And you did it all alone?

Yes, I did. Good night.

He lied to me.

He just out-and-out lied to me.

It's worse than that.

He lied to me.

He's just been stringing
us along all the time.

Oh, Terri! Oh, Janet!

Girls, come on.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come here. It's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay.

There, there.

Here, here.

Take it easy. Uncle
Jack is right here.

It's not worth it to
get upset over Leslie.

Don't mention that name!

Yeah, I never want to
hear that name again.

Okay, you won't hear it from me,

and you won't hear
about the reward.

What reward?

The reward for any evidence
leading to his capture.

£50,000.

Wait a minute,
Jack! Wait a minute!

Tell us what we have to
do to get our revenge... Uh...

our reward.

Okay, here's what we do. What?

We watch this guy for
the next couple of days.

We watch him like a hawk.

Right! Watch him like a hawk.

What are we watching for?

Evidence. Anything
leading to the money. Oh.

Yeah, but in the meantime,
we gotta get some sleep.

We're gonna need it.
We're gonna need it.

You know, I just can't
get over that Leslie.

Yeah.

The way he had you fooled.

Me? Wait a minute.
What do mean, me?

So, anyway, Mr. Furley,

we've been watching this guy
Leslie for the past three days,

but we haven't come
up with any evidence.

Yeah, and that's where
you come in, Mr. Furley.

Will you help us?

Gee, I'm sorry, kids,

but I just can't buy the
idea that Leslie's a crook.

There's a big reward.

But I've had my
suspicions for some time.

Did you say something
about a reward?

Yes. £50,000.

Wow!

50,000 pounds of what?

Money, Mr. Furley.

We're talking English currency.

Yeah. We can get the reward
if we find the money he stole.

All right. Count me in. Great.

Now, we've seen
him leave every night

with this big suitcase.

He's never without it.

That's it. What's it?

The suitcase.

The day he moved in here,

I offered to help him
carry that suitcase upstairs,

but he wouldn't let me touch it.

Boy, was he upset.

Well, that's where
he's hiding the money!

Look! Leslie's going out.

Oh, the big rat!

I wonder who he's
gonna meet this time.

Who cares about that.

The important thing is he
doesn't have his suitcase with him.

And the apartment's empty.

All right, now's your
chance, Mr. Furley.

Right! Right!

To do what?

To use your pass key to
unlock the door to his apartment.

But that's immoral.
That's illegal.

What about the reward?

That's why I'm gonna do it.

You wait here. All right.

Jack, Jack...

what about that woman
in the apartment?

Who, the Duchess? Yeah.

I haven't heard her since
that last big argument.

Maybe Leslie dumped her.

You thinks so?

Sure. He dumped
you girls, didn't he?

Jack! He did, didn't he?

Shh! It's open!

I'll keep watch.

Now, if he comes back,
I'll whistle like this...

Oh, I'll just scream!

Come on, girls, let's go.

You guys go ahead. I'll wait
her in case he comes back. Janet!

Jack!

Oh, look, girls.

Somebody left their
door open accidentally.

Uh, maybe we should go in and
make sure everything is secure.

Jack, I don't think
this is a good idea.

I think it's a good
idea, Janet, Terri.

Shh!

Look! There it is!

All right, girls.

Are you ready to see
what £1 million looks like?

Just hurry up, Jack.

Don't tell me what to...

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

You're right, Janet.
That wasn't a good idea,

Jack...

who do you think that was?

What do you mean,
who do I think...

It was... it was the Duchess.

Are you kidding me?

They probably had a
falling out over the money.

So when she wasn't looking...

Aah!

Who is it?

It's me. Mr. Furley.

Oh, God.

Wait!

How do we know it's him?

Who'd lie about
being Mr. Furley?

I got impatient,

so I went over to
Leslie's apartment

to see how you kids were doing.

Did you lock his door?

Of course I locked his door.

Oh, good.

But not before I
grabbed the loot.

Aah!

I don't see how you kids
could have missed this.

Mr. Furley!

It was right there in
the middle of the room.

Take it back, Mr. Furley!

I thought you wanted
to see what's in it.

We know what's in it!

So...

you found me out.

No! No! No!

We don't know anything.

We don't even know that much.

Well... it's time you did.

We don't wanna
know what's in there.

I do.

Aw. Isn't she cute?

Say hello to the
nice people, Pamela.

Certainly.

Where are they?

You're a ventriloquist.

Actually, I'm the ventriloquist.

Leslie just moves his mouth.

Pamela, you're pretty good.

So that's where you've
been going every night.

To perform? Yes.

Why didn't you tell us?

Pride. Stupid pride.

I don't understand.

Well, once you've played Command
Performances before the Queen,

you don't boast about being
the opening act in a strip joint.

So she's the voice we
heard through the walls?

Yeah, Sherlock.

So much for your
Duke and Duchess.

Duke and Duchess?

England's infamous
team of crooks?

Don't tell me you
thought Pamela and I...

Actually, it was
Janet and Terri.

What?

And... and me a little bit.

I tried to talk 'em out of it,

but you know some people.

Once they get the
smell of money...

Oh, Leslie, I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, Leslie, so am I.

Oh, that's all right, ladies.

Actually, I'm quite flattered

at being taken for a
dashing, international criminal.

Actually, you are a criminal.

He hasn't paid me for years.

Yes, well, before Pamela
tells you anything else,

I think I better say good night.

Oh, do you have to go so soon?

Yes. It's time I
put Pamela to bed.

Good night.

Good night. Good night, all.

Good night.

Well, I think it's time you two
girls put your dummy to bed.

Oh, sure...

"And with the success of this
engagement in New York City,

"it looks like Pamela and
I are on our way again.

Love, Leslie."

Aw. Isn't that nice?

Yeah, at least I don't have
to face him in Los Angeles.

Oh, come on, Jack.

You're not still
feeling bad, are you?

Yeah, just 'cause you
made a fool of yourself.

You ought to be
used to that by now.

Yeah, I know, I
know. I had it coming.

I'm just surprised that Leslie didn't
ask you to come along with him.

Who? Yeah, who?

Gee. I mean, if you don't know
which one of you he fell for.

Jack, it's okay to say it.

Janet, don't put
him on the spot.

He doesn't want
to hurt your feelings.

He was talking about me.

Oh, Janet. Janet. Janet, dear.

Don't "Janet, Janet,
Janet, dear" me.

Well... good night, girls.

Janet, it doesn't mean
you're over the hill...

yet.

Over the hill?

I said "yet."

Why, Terri Alden, I would
have never told you...

Oh, come on!

Girls! Girls! Hey! Could
you please keep it down?

My walls are thin, and
I'm hearing voices again.

Oh, Jack! Oh, Jack!
You'll never get me.