08x13 - Itching for Trouble

[bunniefuu]

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are
hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Jack! Phone!

Ja...

Honestly.

Hello? Yes?

Yeah, he's here. Who?

Oh, no kidding?

Yeah, well I'll see if I
can get through to him.

Yeah, hang on, please.

Hey, Jack?

Jack.

Hmm?

Gee, uh, sorry.

You are wanted on the telephone.

Oh. And that is my stereo.

That's my towel.

Forget it. Answer the phone.

Just answer the phone.
Just answer the phone.

Who is it?

Um, some girl named Robin.

Robin?

Yeah, she said that she
went to high school with you.

Ro...

Robin? Is it really you?

It is really you.

You moved here?

Aaaaah!

No, no, are you kidding?

Of course, I didn't forget you.

Listen, uh... You'd
like to see me?

Your place or mine.

Will Rogers Park?

Uh, well...

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I... I know that spot.

A half an hour?

I'll see you there.

Ciao.

Whoo!

Boom-shaka-laka-laka.
Boom-shaka-laka-laka.

That must've been
some phone call.

Janet, Janet...

That was Robin Baxter.

I used to carry her
books home from school.

And now she wants 'em back?

She wants me back.

Janet she practically
begged me to meet her

at Will Rogers
Park in half an hour.

Oh, she sounds desperate.

Robin? Desperate? Ha!

Wait 'til you see her picture.

I am not holding my breath.

I got my high-school annual
in here someplace. Here it is.

Here's the yearbook.

Okay, okay.

Wait 'til you see this girl.

It can wait.

She was the head cheerleader.

Mmm-hmm.

What do you think?

Well, she's okay, if
you like gorgeous.

I do, I do.

Who is this great big
guy standing next to her?

Oh, um...

That's Francis Kirk.

I used to call him Mondo Moose.

He was all-state tackle.

Why is he pretending to blow
up a football with is mouth?

He wasn't pretending.

I better be moving.

Janet, I will talk to you later.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the park.

Oh, well have a good time
on your date with Robin.

Okay.

You're meeting
a girl in the park?

Uh... n... no.

Are you kid...
Perish. Forbid. A girl?

No, no, no, no. Janet
was talking about a bird.

Mr. Furley, don't you know
that this is the time of year

when all the robins come
back to Will Rogers Park?

And I ain't never
met a bird I didn't like.

You? I didn't know
you were a bird watcher.

You didn't? No.
That makes two of us.

Well, I'll be a white-tailed
double-breasted mudsucking condor.

Well, that's an amazing
coincidence, isn't it?

I'm going with you.

I wanna see that Robin too.

What? Yeah. Wait
until I get my binoculars.

Why don't you bring a
blanket too, Mr. Furley?

A blanket? What for?

Well, to keep the cold out.

Sometimes it takes hours
before those birds show up, right?

Right.

Under that blanket,
you and I are gonna be

warm as hot-buttered
cinnamon toast.

On, second thought,

I think I better take
care of that toilet.

Okay, I'll take the birds,
you take the plunge.

See you later, Janet.

Wait. Where are you going?

To the park. By myself.

I wanna see that robin.

But what about our toilet?

Oh, I've seen
that lots of times.

What?

Robin?

Robin? Robin?

Robin.

Jack.

Oh, Robin.

Huh.

It's... wow you...
you sure look great.

You haven't changed a bit.

Boy, you sure have.

Huh?

Well, I mean you just
look so much more mature.

Well, that goes without saying.

Would you care to
have a seat, Robin?

I wasn't sure you'd
even remember me.

I was... I was a little
nervous about calling you.

Nervous? Nervous? Tut-tut.

There's no reason
to be ner... ay!

Jack, are you all right?

Yeah, I gue...

Guess I just fell for ya.

Jack, I... I hope I
can count on you.

There's something I
want you to do for me.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Jack, I want you to help
me save my marriage.

Anything. I...

Marr... you're married?

Yes.

Oh. Well.

Married?

Well, you sound so surprised.

I am. It's just, you know, I...

I never thought that
big ox Francis Kirk

would ever let another
guy get close enough

to shake hands with
you, let alone marry you.

Oh, he wasn't that bad.

Whatever happened to that
overgrown moose anyway?

I married him.

You married him. Good.

Well, congratulations.

That Francis is one lucky
moose... goose... duck.

He's a lucky guy.
Terrific. Thank you.

Tell me, is he as
jealous as he used to be?

That's what I wanted to
talk to you about, Jack.

He's gotten worse.

Worse?

He follows me wherever I go.

Like I said, he's
one terrific guy!

Oh, the first couple
of years were beautiful.

And then he started
getting jealous.

And suspicious.

Would you believe that
he calls me from work

ten times a day?

Now, now, Robin, you know,

there are a lot of
husbands who do that.

Do they make their
wives carry a beeper?

A beeper?

I wouldn't have
bothered you, Jack,

but Francis said that
he was going to call you.

Call me? Why?

To talk about his cheating wife.

You?

Well, that's what
he thinks, anyway.

And now, he wants your advice.

M... Me? Why me?

Oh, because he respects you.

He thinks you're a real brain.

Me? A brain?

He says if it
hadn't been for you

he never would've made
it through high school.

Oh, no.

Well, every so often
when we'd have an exam,

I'd let him peek at my answers.

Well, a C is better than an F.

Anyway, when he calls,

would you please try to
talk some sense into him?

Talk to him?

Yeah, but whatever you do,

do not mention that
I came to see you.

If he knew that we'd
been here alone,

he'd snap you like a twig.

Hey, Robin. Hey.

Don't you worry your
pretty little head, okay?

I can handle myself.

Listen, I was in the Navy.

That's him!

Don't hit!

Oh! Jack?

Uh, I can explain.

Explain what? I've got two eyes.

I know a bird blind
when I see one.

Who's our fellow
bird watcher here?

Huh? Oh, hello.

Mr. Furley, I was so
busy looking for birds,

I never noticed there
was anyone here.

Come on, move over, Jack. Sure.

I'll whistle up a herd
of robins for you.

Robin, thanks for
giving me a lift home.

Appreciate it. You're welcome.

Can I get you anything?
Coffee? Soda? You know, rake?

No, thanks. I'd
just like to clean up.

Yeah, the bathroom's
right through there.

Good.

If Francis found just
one little leaf on me,

he'd go crazy.

Well, let's lose the
leaves then, shall we?

Oh, there you are, Jack. Hi.

Do you remember
an old high school pal

by the name of Francis Kirk?

Yeah, did he call?

I did better than that, Jack.

I'm here.

Mu... mu... mu...

Moose!

Francis, I never
expected to see you.

See, I told you
he'd be surprised.

Well, I bet you two
guys wanna be left alone.

No, no, no, no, no.

Ah, yes, we do.

BUt... but... Ah, Jack, I
wouldn't argue with Francis.

He's a big one. See ya.

Hope you don't mind
me barging in like this.

No, no, no.

It's a real treat
to see you again.

So, thanks for stopping by.

If you're ever in the
neighborhood again,

please drop by and wait there.

But I've gotta talk to you.

Talk? You wanna
talk? Let's talk.

Yeah.

You remember Robin Baxter?

Wasn't he the guy who used
to play on Mork and Mindy?

No, no, she lived next
door to you for ten years.

Oh, that Robin. Yeah.

Yeah, I married her.

You didn't!

Well, imagine...

Congratulations.
You're one lucky guy.

She's cheating on me.

I don't believe that.

Well, believe it.

When we first got married,

everything was great.

But lately, lately she's
been acting very strange.

Strange? Whattya mean, strange?

Some people think I'm strange.

When you say
strange, what kind of...

I mean, strange has
all sorts of ramifications.

She started to play tennis.

Listen, Francis,

I don't know if I should be
the one to lay this on you,

a lot of people play tennis.

I don't. Do you?

No, no, no, no. I never played.

Hate it. Can't
stand the "racquet".

See?

Yeah, she's using it as an
excuse to meet other men.

Now, hang on a second...

Jack...

Will you talk to
her? Well, I... I... I...

Please? Yeah, okay.

Let's go somewhere
where we can have a beer

and talk about this and
relax, you know, cool out.

And maybe let the circulation
go ahead in my arms here a bit.

Thank you. Oh, good.

We can go to a place
called the Regal Beagle.

It has real high ceilings so you don't
bump the o" noggin, okay, Francis?

Oh, Hi, Jack. How'd your dat...

Uh, no time to talk now.

We gotta go to the Regal Moose.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you even going to
introduce me to your friend?

Janet, this is
not just a friend,

this is Francis Kirk.

Francis Kirk?

Oh, oh, you're the guy

who used to blow up
footballs with your mouth!

That's me.

You got one that needs air?

No, but one of the tires
on my car's a little low.

I laugh at your jokes.

Janet, Francis here married
a girl from my high school.

A girl named Robin.

Robin? Robin.

Who's Robin?

Ask Janet. Come on,
let's go have a beer.

Move 'em out. Uh, wait a minute.

Hey, I got a better idea.

Why don't you drop by
my house tonight? Tonight?

Yeah, that way,
you can talk to Robin.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh,
I love that, Francis.

I promised the girls I was gonna
make dinner for them tonight.

You did? Yes, it
was a surprise dinner.

Tell ya what, bring
the girls with you.

I'll make dinner.

No, no, no. We wouldn't
want to impose, would we girls?

Oh, we'd love to go.

Then it's settled.

Hi, kids.

Oh, I forgot.

I invited our landlord
for dinner tonight too.

No problem, Jack,
bring him along.

I'll make enough for
everybody. Yeah, but...

Forget the buts,
Jack. I'm starved.

Well, then you're
in for a big treat.

I'm barbecuing. Mind
if I use your phone?

Please.

He's a tall drink
of water, isn't he?

Hello, this is Mr. Kirk.

Yeah, I'd like my wife to know
we're having guests for dinner.

Could you page
her on your beeper?

Yeah. Thanks.

I'll see you guys at 7:00.

What was that?

What was what?

Uh... you mean my alarm clock?

You keep your alarm
clock in the bathroom?

Well, sure. Come
on, use your head.

By the time I get in there
and turn the darned thing off,

it's too late to go back to bed,

so I just hop in the
shower and start the ol' day.

What a great idea.

I think I'll try that.

Well, I better go change.

Uh, see y'all later.

Okay. Bye-bye, Francis.

Is he gone? Yes.

Oh, good.

Who are you?

Hi. I'm Robin, the wife
you're going to meet tonight.

Jack, you must
really think I'm stupid.

I didn't even tell
you where I live.

Here's my address.

Uh...

But, Jack, I don't understand.

You don't have to
understand, Mr. Furley.

Just don't say
anything to Francis

about our bird watching, okay?

Why?

We just... he hates
birds, all right?

Huh, seems like he's not
too crazy about animals either.

And this is our den.

Oh, well, this is
just a lovely house.

Thanks. What do you
think of my trophies?

I bagged them all myself.

Uh, they look so, uh...

ferocious.

If you were hanging on
a wall, you'd be mad too.

And this is my favorite w*apon.

A crossbow.

Even his weapons are mad.

Get it? A "cross bow"?

Stop that. That is impolite.

I can't help it, Janet, I think
these things gave me fleas.

Listen, everybody, my wife
will be down in a minute.

Meanwhile, why don't you go on
the patio and have some drinks?

Oh, good. Thank you.

I'll be the bartender.

You need somebody who
knows what he's doing.

Great. I'll have a
scotch and soda.

Sure, what kind of soda?

Orange? Grape? Cherry?

Uh, not you, Jack.

What? I've got the proof, Jack.

I've got the proof.

She's cheating on me. What?

Robin said she was
gonna play tennis.

So? But instead,

she came home with
a case of poison oak.

Poison... oh.

When I find the
guy she was with,

I'm gonna... You wouldn't.

Oh, yes, I would!

You know, we just moved to town.

Who could it be?

She doesn't know
anyone here except you.

And that would be ridiculous.

Yeah, ridiculous.

Uh, l-look, Francis.

I... I can't believe
she's cheating on you.

Oh, you can't, huh? No.

I mean, she loves you.

And I know that deep in
your heart, you love her too.

Yeah, but, Jack...

No, I know, I know.

You've got that feeling
in the pit of your stomach.

Feeling?

The feeling that just
grows and grows.

Hey.

What happened to you guys?

Yeah, did you start
your own party?

I'm sorry, I'm
being an awful host.

I better see how
the fire's coming.

Jack, what is the
matter with you?

I've got poison oak. What?

Yeah, Robin and I
must've picked it up

when we were in the
bushes together this morning.

Oh, and you said you
weren't messing around.

No, I was... I swear it.

But if Francis sees
me scratching...

your head will be up there
with all the other animals.

Jack, you better
get out of here.

I'm gone. Bye.

Jack! Where are you going?

Huh? Nothing. I'm just
checking out your door.

Gotta get one like that myself.

Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

Uh, Robin, you remember Tripper.

And these are Janet
and Terri, his friends.

Hello.

Nice to meet you.
Sit down, please.

Oh, thank you,
we'd be delighted to.

Well, it's been a long time.

Yes, you sure have
changed since I saw you last.

Yeah, it seems like I've gotten
just a touch of poison oak.

How have you been?

Exactly the same.

Well, Jack I suppose
you'd to be alone with Robin.

No, no, no.

Don't you old classmates
have a lot to talk about?

Talk, talk, yeah, talk.

Well, food's on the fire.

What's the matter?

Darn mosquitoes.

They're really biting tonight.

We don't have any
mosquitoes here.

Oh, hi there.

I didn't expect to see
you again so soon.

You know my wife?

Sure, we spent the afternoon
together in the bushes.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'll k*ll him.

No, no, no, Francis.

You heard him! He was
in the bushes with my wife!

Bird watching. Bird watching?

What else do you think she'd be
doing in the bushes with this guy?

Come on, look at
him. What do you see?

I see a smooth-talking swinger.

A guy used to having
his way with women.

Thanks.

I couldn't have said
that better myself.

I'm gonna k*ll you.

No! No! Wait a minute!

We were just bird watching.

Honest! If you don't
believe me, ask Jack.

Jack?

I found him in the bushes
with Robin, so I joined him.

Mr. Furley.

I'm sorry, Jack, it
was either you or me.

Well, I better check the fire.

You. You!

Take it easy, Francis.

Take your hands
off of our boyfriend!

Your boyfriend? Yes.

Oh, Terri, he thinks that
Jack has been cheating on us.

Isn't that ridiculous?

Yean, ridiculous.

I know, as if he had the time.

Or the strength.

You mean that you,
and you, and you...?

That's right, and I'll
tell you something.

These babes are quite a handful.

But they keep me "hoppy".

Yeah, I didn't know, I'm sorry.

Well, you're sorry.

I'd like to apologize
to you two girls.

I should never had
gone bird watching

without your permission.

Well, just for that, Jack,
tonight you are sleeping alone.

Oh, no!

Oh, yes.

Well, I guess I could
actually use a night off.

And from now on, Jack,

we've decided you're
gonna have to carry a beeper.

How 'bout some grub?

That's what they always say.

Well, let's eat.

Yes, let's eat.

Poor Jack.

But could you imagine living
with someone as jealous as that?

Oh, I can't imagine.

I guess we're just lucky.

If you people want
your hamburgers,

they're up in a tree.

You know Francis hasn't been
this sweet and understanding

since the day we were married.

Oh, well, let me
tell you something,

that's what old
friends are for, right?

And that was some act the
three of you put on for Francis.

That was no act.

It wasn't? No, no.

Do you mean that
you and Janet Terri...

Yeah, that's right.

They can't keep
their hands off me.

But, uh, don't tell either
one of the girls that I said this,

because they'd probably
do something crazy like...

Like what, Jack?

Like, uh, like... may I?

Thank you. Like this.