04x09 - Love Means Having to Say You're Sorry

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch". Aired: September 27, 1996 – April 24, 2003.*
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Based off the comic book series, Sabrina a magical witch and her black talking cat Salem navigate the teenage years together.
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04x09 - Love Means Having to Say You're Sorry

Post by bunniefuu »

- Good morning, Sabrina.
- Morning.

HILDA: What will it be?
Egg-white omelette or oatmeal?

- Aah!
ZELDA: Okay, have a Pop-Tart.

No, it's your faces.
You all have Harvey's face.

Even the cat.

SALEM:
I am Harvey and I need bucks.

I'm attracted to all of you,
yet I'm repulsed.

Oh, make it stop.

Oh, honey, sometimes
when a witch really loves someone

and can't stop thinking about them,

they literally see
the object of their affection

in other people's faces.

Yeah, happens to me all the time.

- Hi, baby.
SABRINA: Help.

All you have to do to make it stop

is say out loud
how you feel about Harvey.

I really love and miss Harvey.

Oh, much better.

- You want my mayonnaise?
- No.

Harvey would have.
He always liked my condiments.

Sometimes
he'd even eat my garnish.

Oh, just take it.

There's Harvey.

- No Colette. Go talk to him.
- All right, I'm going.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So how have you been?

Hi, guys. Oh, Harvey,
you left your chemistry book.

You forgot it in my locker.
Oops. Forgot napkins.

Oh, you're sharing lockers now?
Well, I got a new plant.

A green one?

Oh, Harvey, my mom wants to know

if you could bring a pumpkin pie
to Thanksgiving dinner.

But we always have Thanksgiving
at your--

- It's a philodendron. Excuse me.
- Can I have your mayonnaise?

COLETTE:
Sure.

- Sabrina, shouldn't you be in school?
- Oh, I just slipped away to shop.

You know,
I've always wanted a fine timepiece.

What happened with Harvey now?

He's gonna go to Colette's
for Thanksgiving.

I always went to his house.

Now where will I go?
What will become of me?

But I thought you always said
Mrs. Kinkle's stuffing

tasted like lumpy spackle.

Yes, but with gravy and Harvey,
it was pretty good.

How could I have been so stupid?
I wish I had never kissed Josh.

I know. I wish I had never kissed
Estes Kefauver.

I wish things weren't so messed up
with me and Harvey.

It may not be over between you.

Sometimes people just need
a little time apart.

Try to remember, whatever happens,
if it was meant to be, it will be.

And everything happens
for a reason.

And safety first.

Okay, I need to work on my clichés.

One decaf cappuccino,
coming right up.

[FOAM HISSING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[PEOPLE APPLAUDING]

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

[FOAM HISSING]

This is our new drink,
the foam-accino.

Harvey, I was just
not thinking about you.

- Hey, listen, we need to talk.
- Really?

Yeah, but it's pretty busy in here.
Maybe it's not a good time.

[SPED-UP CHATTERING]

I guess I didn't hear
the ice-cream truck.

So, what did you wanna talk about?

Well, last night I was looking
at all this stuff that I have

that reminds me of you.

You were? I was too.

So you agree
that now that we're broken up,

we should give all that stuff
back to each other?

Absolutely,
that's just what I was thinking.

Well, look at the crowd.
I should get back to work.

Hey, aren't those the people
that just left?

They check out the competition,
they always come back.

[SALEM SOBBING]

- His letterman's jacket.
SALEM: No.

Pictures.
The hat he made me in wood shop.

Please just talk to him.
He's good people.

He's moved on. We've moved on.
There's nothing left to talk about.

- You want me to talk to him?
- No.

Harvey's just not the right guy
for me.

Oh, so you still wanna date Josh?

No, but the whole thing with Josh
made me realise

that, well,
what I want is a college guy.

Yeah, a college guy.

Yeah, somebody cool, and...

[SCOFFS]

Harvey's just not that cool.

Oh-ho. I always thought I'd be
Harvey's best man at your wedding.

[SOBBING, KNOCK ON DOOR]

SALEM: Hilda, Zelda, it's so sad.
- We have a surprise.

We're going to cook
Thanksgiving dinner.

Turkey, stuffing and gravy?

- Lots of gravy?
- Mm-hm.

You never
celebrated Thanksgiving before.

Well, we've decided
to put our hard feelings

towards those poopie, old,
witch-hating Pilgrims aside.

Now, Hilda.

We realise that it was more important
to cheer up someone we love

than to hold a grudge,
against those poopie old Pilgrims.

You guys are the best.

We're doing this for Sabrina.

If it involves gravy, you can do it
for Moms Mabley for all I care.

Well, here's your stuff.

Yeah, here's yours.

Oh, my Hootie & The Blowfish CD.

Oh. Here's your lip gloss.

Guess my books won't smell
like Strawberry Swirl anymore.

Thanks.

Well, I guess that's everything.

Yep. So see you.

Yeah, see you.

Bye.

Bye.

I can't believe it wasn't meant to be.

[FRAME THUDS]

He's keeping her picture.

So guy, Dreama, I can't believe
he actually kept her picture.

[SQUEALS]

That means he totally still likes her.

But Sabrina doesn't think
Harvey's cool enough.

Please, she's my friend,
but she just doesn't get it.

Don't tell her I said that.

Girlfriend, it's up to you.

Put a magic thermometer spell
on Harvey and make him k*ll.

I'll do it.

Not before you rinse me. Gah.

"Reach hand in cavity, loosen
and remove giblets and gizzard."

- Go ahead, Zellie.
- You go ahead.

I unwrapped the foul fowl.

Who came up with this stupid rule

that witches have to make
Thanksgiving dinner by hand?

Stupid witches.

They're just trying to discourage us
from celebrating Thanksgiving.

Well, it's working.

Come on,
we have to do this for Sabrina.

- Let's just leave the gizzard.
- Mm.

What's next?

"Salt and pepper to taste."
This is hard.

Okay, Harvey, be cool.

[BELL RINGS]

I am so out of here.

Cool.

Sabrina, you have to talk to Harvey.

Oh, man,
you're like a dog with a bone.

Harvey and I have given back
our relationship stuff.

We have closure.

- Trust me, Harvey's changed.
- We have closure.

Why'd he keep a picture of you
in his locker?

Closure.

He kept my picture?

Did I also win a Nobel Prize
you didn't tell me about?

I've gotta talk to him.

Oh. Hey, Harvey.

- Yo, Brina.
- Brina?

Look, do you think we could talk?

What do you call
what we're doing right now?

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

It's the Kink Man.

- Harvey just blew me off.
- But isn't he cool?

Are you responsible
for the rebel without a clue?

I guess, but I thought
you wanted him to be different.

No, I was just rationalising to get
through this lonely, desperate time.

Oh.

[SODA CAN DROPS]

[IMITATES THE FONZ]
Hey.

Gotta stop him
before he starts looking for Potsie.

Okay, okay, I'll warm him up.

I don't want no stinking fish sticks.

Too hot.
You've turned him into a hothead.

Hey, what are you looking at,
freckle boy?

Oh, it's time I take matters
in my own finger.

Wait, Clarence.
You dropped your Pokémon cards.

There. Perfect temperature.

COLETTE:
Hi, Harvey.

Oh, hi, Colette.
Mind if I walk you to class?

I'm so glad I arranged that for her.

These recipes are so involved.

Why don't we make our own
traditional Thanksgiving foods?

Great idea.
How about microwave popcorn?

Yes, we'll put it in a casserole

and melt miniature marshmallows
on top.

It's too bad you're being sarcastic
because that sounds kind of good.

Okay, lunch is almost over,
so I don't have much time.

I was wondering if you knew
a fix-a-broken-love spell?

Oh, sure, honey. It's filed right next
to the make-life-perfect spell.

Oh, I could use that too.

Sabrina, you know
you can't use magic for love.

- Oh, what can I use magic for?
ZELDA: Trust me.

In matters of the heart,
the mortal way is the magic way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's always so satisfying
when I get through to her.

Check this out
in the witches' cookbook.

"Have a homemade
traditional Thanksgiving dinner

with all the fixings
in just one easy step."

ZELDA:
Wonderful.

We'll have an authentic
Thanksgiving dinner made by hand.

Just not our hands.

Okay, Harvey, we need to talk.

- Colette, we need to talk.
- Sure, what is it?

You're really nice,

but this relationship
doesn't feel that comfortable to me.

And I think it would be better
if we stopped seeing each other.

Yes.

You're breaking up with me so you
can get back with Sabrina, aren't you?

- Yes.
- It's not that.

I mean,
I still love and care about her,

but I don't know if I can ever
forgive Sabrina for what she did.

No.

If you want him to forgive you,
just say you're sorry.

Look, I totally betrayed him.

I can't just walk up to him
and say, "Sorry."

- But if you--
- You don't know how he said it.

Look, I'll just show you.

[SPED-UP TALKING]

I don't know if I can ever
forgive Sabrina for what she did.


Ouch.

Harvey's never said
anything like that before.

HARVEY:
Colette, I never meant to hurt you.

Oh, I really need to remember
to turn off my radio soaps.

I hope our kitchen meets
all your culinary needs.

Mother, my eyes vex me.

We should never have partaken
of that evil weed.

Yes. Wretched tobacco.

Now don't be vexed.
How about I get some tea for thee?

The mortal way. They're Pilgrims.

Of course. Hot tea coming right up.

[MICROWAVE HUMMING]

BOTH:
Witch, witch.

They don't exactly think
outside the box, do they?

There's got to be a spell
to make Harvey forgive me.

SALEM: Sabrina, maybe you should
listen to your aunts' advice:

- "The mortal way is the magic way."
- Here's one.

"If you've done something wrong
in a relationship,

start over by going back
to the drawing board."

Or you could just ignore the cat.

All I need to do is fill in our thought
bubbles with what I want us to say.

Let's see, I'll say,
"Can you forgive and forget?"

And Harvey will say,
"All is forgiven and forgotten."

Now we'll all live happily ever after.

SABRINA:
Wish me luck.

Hey, you should try
to get on The Simpsons.

Harvey, can you forgive and forget?

All is forgiven and forgotten.

I'm sorry, I forgot. You are...?

- Sabrina.
- And I am...?

Okay, back to the drawing board.

Let's see, to err is human,
to forgive, divine.

This one will work.

So to err is human.

Why, these fish sticks
are simply divine.

I must forgive the lunch lady

for wreaking havoc with my waistline.
Hmm.

Sabrina, your outfit, divine.

Apparently, with this board, you have
to choose your words carefully.

So something simple and heartfelt.

Harvey, let go and let God.

- Yes, my child?
- sh**t. Oh.

Sorry, Father.


Okay, I got the perfect idea.

[LEAVES RUSTLING,
BOARD THUDS]

Hey, I was gonna use that board

to mend the rift between me
and Yvonne De Carlo.

John, Mary,
aren't we overreacting just a bit?

- You're witches, admit it.
- All right, if you insist.

Oh, merciful heaven.

You know, for people who crossed
the Atlantic and fought Indians,

you're kind of fraidy-cats.

Come on, we just need you
to make Thanksgiving dinner.

It would mean so much to our niece.

So if we prepare a feast for you,
you'll send us home?

Quicker than you can say
cornucopia.

Aunt Hilda and Zelda,
I need to talk to you.

Away from
Mr. and Mrs. Quaker Oats.

Wait, somebody has to watch
the Pilgrims.

BOTH:
Witch, witch.

Pilgrim, Pilgrim.

John, Mary, this is our very friendly
talking cat, Salem.

He'll help you get started.

If he tries to repress
your freedom of religion,

just spray him with a water bottle.

I realised that I can't use this
spell to make Harvey to forgive me.

So are you gonna try it
the mortal way?

No, I wanted to know if I could borrow
your magic lost-in-time clock.

Have to admit, she's tenacious.

I wanna go back to that night.

I won't kiss Josh
and Harvey won't be hurt.

Please,
I really need a second chance.

I am the most powerful
of all witches.

And I will only be appeased
by gravy.

Stir faster or I'll turn you into toads.

- Unleash not your anger.
- We stir, sir.

Well, I'm off to right a wrong.
Now, how do I do this?

"You make a left turn at yesterday
and then go forward toward the past."

If you need me,
I'll be on our porch two weeks ago.

Good luck.

Well, I guess while we're waiting,

- I could look at your bookkeeping.
- What bookkeeping?

Cool. Oh, so, what was I saying?
If everyone would just buy a goat,

then we could eliminate leaf blowers
and stop global warming.

Well, here we are.

- Thanks for helping me study.
- You're welcome.

And you can admit
I'm right about the goat thing later.

Sorry, Josh, but I have
a really wonderful boyfriend, Harvey.

And if I kiss you,
that will hurt Harvey

and that would ruin
our relationship forever.

I wouldn't want you to do anything
you may later regret.

Thank you
for being so understanding.

- You don't look sick to me.
- Harvey, wait.

I'm rewriting history here.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

This stupid clock is broken.

I went back in time
and it still ruined things with Harvey.

Oh, honey,
when the past refuses to change,

it means what happened
was meant to be.

Why would that be meant to be?
What good could come of this?

We never said something good
would come of it.

So it's really over
between Harvey and me?

Oh, you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just gonna do some stuff
on my school paper

and bury myself in my work.

I don't need love.

Tsk. Mm.

I hope she still needs turkey.

Oh, right. Turkey.

I wonder how Salem's doing
with those Pilgrims.

I must taste everything.

Nothing leaves this kitchen
until it passes my lips.

Mm-hm-mm. A little too spicy.

Mm. Yee! Too bland.

Mm. Not just right.

Need I remind you the penalty
for displeasing me? Toads.

Then be done with it.
We prefer that to this oppression.

Go ahead, use your magic, witch.

Uh-oh.

[SOBBING]

You don't wanna cook me.
I'm awful gamy.

Okay, this is not how we left things.

He is an abomination.

Oh, so you've had time
to get to know each other.

More importantly,
how's the meal coming?

Hear ye, hear ye. We quit.

Wait.

Look, maybe we've asked of you
without giving anything in return.

Yeah, if you cook for us,
we'll zap you anything you want.

A new horse? A winter coat?

[HORSE WHINNIES]

BOTH:
Witch, witch.

Yes, we've established
that we're witches.

- So do we have a deal?
JOHN: Good wife.

Look at the strong haunches
on that horse.

You know,
we could use a new feather bed.

And a bed warmer.

I want a real pewter one
like the Joneses' next door.

They're awfully greedy for Puritans.

We'll give you whatever you want.
Just cook.

This shall be a Thanksgiving
like no other.

Absolutely. No dysentery this time.
Heh-heh.

Okay, we'll get out of your way.

Hey, isn't someone
gonna untie the cat?

Oh, sorry.

Are you sorry?

Yes, very.

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

I'm so glad to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't say
I was sorry sooner.

But I'm sorry.
None of this would have happened

if I hadn't of taken you for granted

and spent all my time
with Brad and the guys.

I'm sorry I thought
I wanted to date Josh.

I'm sorry I dated Josh.
I'm sorry to keep bringing it up.

And I'm sorry for saying I'd call at :
but I didn't call till : .

And I'm sorry I ate
the last Milk Dud at the movies.

- Boy, I've really missed you.
- I've missed you too.

You know,
I thought I couldn't forgive you,

but sometimes I feel like
I'm under your spell.

[CHUCKLES]

I guess sometimes the mortal way
is the magic way.

- What?
- You don't have to agree with me.

So do you wanna come over
for a traditional Thanksgiving?

I thought your aunts
don't cook Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh, that's the tradition.

So will you do me the honour
of taking back all of my junk?

If you'll take mine.

Hey, you varnished it.

Yeah, my dad sprayed it,
so no termites.

I thought of another way for you
and Harvey to get back together.

Never mind.

I knew there was someone
I was supposed to call.

Thanksgiving dinner is served.

Oh, boy,
your caterers really go all out.

I know why that thing with Josh
was meant to be.

It made me appreciate
how much Harvey means to me.

And I know another reason why
the whole Josh thing was meant to be.

I found out I really like Thanksgiving.

ZELDA:
Come on, you two.

Everyone, please enjoy.

BOTH:
Witch, witch.

Sorry, habit.

Okay, let's go around the table
and say what we're thankful for.

Okay, I'm thankful for family.

I'm thankful to you guys
for doing this.

[MUFFLED VOICE]
More yams.

Did your cat just say, "More yams"?

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Come on, you guys, dance,
loosen up.

It's not immoral. Just fun.

Oh, come on.
It will help you digest your food.

Live a little. It's a holiday.

Go, Pilgrims. Go, Pilgrims.
Go, Pilgrims. Go, Pilgrims.
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