07x06 - Paul Revere Rides Again

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bewitched". Aired: September 17, 1964 - March 25, 1972.*
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Samantha falls in love with and marries Darrin Stephens only for him to find out that his new wife is one of a secret society of powerful witches and warlocks and that a twitch of her nose brings magic.
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07x06 - Paul Revere Rides Again

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪]

Sam, why do I get the feeling

you're trying to bring
Salem home, piece by piece?

Everything I bought
was a real bargain.

When you go broke,
it doesn't matter

if you overpaid
or got bargains.

Oh, hi. A package just arrived
for you, special messenger.

I set it on the table.

Thank you.

Just what we needed,
another package.

Here.

BELLHOP:
Thanks.

Oh, Darrin, look at the darling
teapot that Larry sent us.

Larry. By special messenger?

I wonder what his angle is.

Does there always
have to be an angle

There have been times
when he's done something nice

without an ulterior motive.

When?

I wonder what his angle is.

ESMERALDA:
Hello, Samantha, Mr. Stephens.

I'm sorry to bother you, but--

Esmeralda,
you're not all here.

She's not all there either.

Darrin.

Oh, dear, I always do that
when I'm rushing.

Is anything wrong at home?

Oh, no.
Everything's fine.

How's the vacation?

Excuse me
for raising the point,

but, uh,
who's with the children?

Oh. I got Aunt Hagatha
to sit with them

while I checked with you.

I was worried because Tabitha
wants to change the baby.

Well, what's wrong
with that?

She wants to change him
into a rabbit.

Absolutely not.

I didn't wanna be
too permissive.

Well, I guess
I'd better get back

and relieve Aunt Hagatha
before Mrs. Tate gets there.

Uh, Mrs. Tate?

she'd drop in and check on
the kids from time to time.

What's all this?

That's Samantha's
famous parlor trick.

She takes a month's pay

and turns it into
a lot of packages.

And that's before lunch.

I'll just take them
back with me.

Oh, no, don't bother,
Esmeralda.

It's no trouble,
Samantha.

No, no, Esmeralda.
Please, don't.

Sam, since the subject of change
has come up,

I'd like to propose one.

Sweetheart, Esmeralda may not be
the greatest,

but she is neat.

And the children adore her.

Oh, there are
other possibilities.

There's Serena and Uncle Arthur
and Mother and Daddy.

Like I always said,

there's nothing wrong
with Esmeralda.

Right.

[♪]

[♪]

NARRATOR:

[♪]

Sweetheart, I've planned
the whole afternoon.

After the Peabody Museum,

we'll go visit
the Pioneer Village

and then we'll drive
to Sturbridge and--

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello. Larry.

Don't let him
talk you into anything.

By the way, Sam and I
wanna thank you

for that teapot you sent us.

We both think it's-- Oh?

It's not for us?

Well, that old teapot
may help us swing

the greatest deal
since the Alaskan Purchase.

Larry, where are you?

He's still in Boston.

I thought you were going back to
New York.

I decided to stay over,

because I've run into
a wonderful opportunity for you.

Larry, I hate to point this out,

but when one is on vacation,
and one starts working,

one stops being on vacation.

Okay, okay. We'll discuss it
next time I see you.

Fine. In the meantime,
I'll send you a postcard.

Bye-bye.

I'm proud of you.

I don't know.
He gave in too easily.

Boston's only a half an hour
from here.

We'd better get going.

[♪]

Oh. I have to get
my purse.

[GASPS]

Just as I thought.

Trying to pull a fast one
and sneak out.

But being a bit sneaky myself,
I was one step ahead of you.

I called from the lobby.

Larry, whatever it is
you're up to, forget it.

Oh, don't turn me down
without a hearing.

I appeal to you, Sam.
Reason with him.

Larry is
absolutely right.

Listen to him,
then turn him down.

All right.
I'm listening.

I'll give it to you
in three words:

Sir Leslie Bancroft.

That name doesn't
ring a bell?

I don't even get
a tinkle.

You get any vibrations from
British Imperial Textile Mills?

He owns it.

Lock, stock and dividends.

Sir Leslie's just in
from London.

And do you know why?

Darrin doesn't care why.
Do you, sweetheart?

That's right.
I don't care why.

Why?

To find the proper agency
to devise a tasteful campaign

to introduce his product
to the American market.

And I think
I've convinced him

we're the ones
to handle his account.

And how did you do that?

That's where the teapot
comes in.

The old silver fox
found out

that Sir Leslie's
a Revolutionary w*r buff.

Can you imagine how grateful
Sir Leslie will be

when you present him with
an original Paul Revere teapot?

That's an original?

That's an authentic
original reproduction.

That's original.

Forget it.
Sam and I have plans.

So have I.

And they include
our joining Sir Leslie,

who's waiting in the park
right now.

Forget it.

You mean you intend
to persist

in this stubborn, hard-nosed
attitude of yours?

I do.

All right. I don't need you.

I'll take my teapot and go.

I don't mean to be impatient,

but I'd like to have my teapot,
please.

Uh, the truth is, uh...

[CHUCKLES]

...it's not here.

That's the truth, all right.

Exactly where is my teapot?

That's a good question.

Oh. Uh...

I-I'll bet the maid
p-put it in the bedroom.

I'll go look for it.

I'll help you.

Well, just hurry it up.

Esmeralda must have taken it

when she took
the rest of the packages.

You stall.
I'll pop home and get it.

First make sure
Louise isn't there.

Okay.

Yes?

I-I'd like to speak
to Esmeralda.

One moment, please.

What do you mean,
you haven't got it?

It's in the hotel storage room,
for security reasons.

Then I'll go
down there and get it.

Which won't be open
for 15 minutes,

so why don't you and I

have a little chat
with Sir Leslie in the meantime?

I knew you wouldn't let me down.
You son of a g*n.

[♪]

[BEEPING]

Stephens residence.

E-Esmeralda,
is Mrs. Tate there?

Yes, she's out on the patio
with the children.

Uh, well, I was calling
to find out

if you took back one
extra package by mistake.

It's a square box

and it has an antique
Paul Revere teapot in it.

Oh, wait a minute.
I'll look for it.

Oh.

Here it is. Check.

I found it and I'll send it
right back to you.

Maybe you'd better
do that.

But, Esmeralda, that's a very
special Paul Revere teapot,

so please, please
be careful.

Let me see, now.
How does that go again? Um...

Oh, yes.

Pheasant, finch
And a fat white gander

Add a spotted salamander

Season, baste
Add dragon's ear

Return the pot
Of Paul Revere

Tallyho, to Salem you go

[♪]

[SHRIEKS]

Oh, good grief.

And who are you, mistress?

A-and what manner of place
is this?

Uh, M-Mr. Revere, please.
Uh, be patient.

I-I-I'll explain it all
in just a minute.

Hello. Hello, operator.
Operator.

Get me Esmeralda, quick.

LARRY:
Sir Leslie,

this is Darrin Stephens,
my associate.

DARRIN: How do you do?
How do you do?

I've heard some rather splendid
things about you.

Heh-heh. Larry's always
exaggerating.

Your country owes a great deal
to Roger Conant.

DARRIN:
I'm well aware of that
heroic English seaman.

His band was the first
to settle in this area.

I see you're
a history buff yourself.

Well, ever since
I was a little boy.

You weren't exaggerating
about your young man,

not in the least.

Now, sir, I'm most anxious
to hear your ideas

on how to introduce my product
to your country.

Well, I, uh, haven't worked out
anything in detail.

Uh, so let's go back
to Darrin's suite and chat, hmm?

He has an early American teapot
he's anxious to show you.

Young man,
how old is your teapot?

Oh. It's old.

It could have been
made by Paul Revere.

Jolly good.

Well, let's pop along

and have a look at it,
shall we?

You're a what?

A witch.

But a good witch.

I see.

So according to you,

it's 200 years since
the British were driven out.

We now have machines
that fly in the air

and boats that sail
under the water.

I've forgotten the moon.

Surely we've flown
to the moon.

Well, as a matter of fact,
we have.

You are either
a demented liar

or the most artful
of British spies.

That's not true.
I'm a loyal colonist.

DARRIN:
Sam, I'm back with Larry
and Sir Leslie.

Sir Leslie? So you are in league
with the British.

I must ride to warn
my countrymen.

Oh, but beli-- Believe me,
uh, Mr. Revere,

there is no need for you
to ride at this time.

Now, y-you stay here.
Trust me.

I'll let you know when it's time
to make your ride.

It will go ill with you
if I am betrayed.

Don't worry.
I'm ill already.

DARRIN:
Sam?

Excuse me.

Oh, Sam. Uh, Sir Leslie,
this is my wife, uh, Samantha.

H-h-how do you do?
Sir Leslie Bancroft.

How do you do?
It's a great pleasure.

Hi.
Well, did you get the teapot?

Are you ready for a joke?

They lost the key
to the storage room.

You'll excuse me if I don't
collapse with laughter.

But it'll be here as soon
as they make a new key.

There's no point in getting
into a flap about it.

We'll just wait.
Oh, well, sit down.

Ah, thank you.
As a matter of fact,

this will be a good time to hear
some more about your ideas.

About what?
Oh. Oh, the campaign.

Uh, well, I'd really like
to surprise you with the idea

when it's more
fully developed.

LESLIE:
Well, I'm warning you,
it's got to be good.

Because my people tell me
to expect stiff competition

as we inv*de the American market

and establish British Imperial
as top dog for all time.

[♪]

Calling any helpful goblin
Elf or dryad, solve my problem

Get the pot to go from here
And Paul Revere to disappear

Oh, dear. What's the use?

I'm tired, and I've got
a splitting headache,

and my throat
is getting hoarse.

[♪]

A saturation campaign
will capture the American--

[HORSE NEIGHING
AND HOOFBEATS]

You'll never succeed,
Britisher!

Don't point that at me.
He's the Britisher!

You'll be opposed by every man,
woman and child, sir.

Uh, uh, Sir Leslie,
I-I'd like to introduce Mr.--

Revere, sir.
Paul Revere.

Yes, of course.
Delighted, I'm sure.

Who is this, anyway?

It's Paul Revere,
isn't it, Sam?

Y-yes.
As a matter of fact, it is.

Uh, c-courtesy of Esmeralda.

Who?

Well, a-actually,

uh, M-Mr. Revere is the head
of a rock group.

He lives his part.
Surely you've heard of them?

Paul Revere
a-and His Sons of Liberty.

Yes, I've heard of the group.
I thought they were younger.

Uh, well, yeah, th-they were
w-when they first started.

But, uh, well,
if you've heard their music,

you know how it can age you.

I've heard enough.

You don't think I'd sit idly by

and listen to
your treasonous plans.

Open the door or lose it!

Excuse me.

Uh, you too.

[♪]

The British are coming!
The British are coming!

SAMANTHA:
Oh, no, no, wait, Mr. Revere!
No, wait a minute.

Oh, my stars. Don't worry,
Darrin, I'll catch him.

REVERE:
The British are coming!

The British are coming!
To arms! To arms!

[♪]

[♪]

The British are coming!

The British are coming!
To arms! To arms!

The British are coming!
The British are coming!

To arms! To arms!
SAMANTHA: Whoa! Oh!

Follow that horse!

I would hope there's
a reasonable explanation

for Mr. Revere's behavior.


I doubt it. Heh.

But go ahead,
have a whack at it.

A-all right.
Here it is.

He's a symbol.

Paul Revere
alerting all America

that the British
are coming.

I'm afraid I don't
quite follow.

Well, that is-- Heh-heh.

British Imperial Textiles
is coming here.

Taking the country by storm.

I see. Then this whole thing
was an advertising stunt.

What'd I tell you
about this boy?

There's your campaign
in a nutshell.

You'll have the public
eating out of your hand.

Sir Leslie?

Why are you putting on
your hat?

I always do that
when I'm leaving.

I run a business,
not a circus.

You and your wild ideas.
"The British are coming."

Small correction.
The British are going.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

REVERE:
To arms! The British are coming!

To arms! To arms! To arms!
The British are coming!

To arms! To arms!
Right on.

[TIRES SCREECH]

The British! To arms!

Who's the joker
we're chasing?

Paul Revere.

Lady, if you don't wanna answer,
just say so.

W-well, I-I'm sorry.

Uh, th-this is a run-through
for a peanut butter commercial.

Yeah, that's about
what I figured.

To arms! To arms!
The British are coming!

To arms! To arms!

To arms! The British are coming!
To arms!

The British are coming!

The British are coming!
To arms! To arms!

I'll say this much about the
Chamber of Commerce around here.

They put on a great show.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[SIREN WAILING]

A fraternity initiation stunt?

He's getting a little old for
that sort of thing, isn't he?

Well, uh,

actually, sergeant,

Uncle Charlie
is a little eccentric.

A little? Hmph.

You're right.

He's getting worse.

The truth is that, during
the Revolutionary days,

there was an organization
called the Sons of Liberty

that was headed by Paul Revere.

Uncle Charlie takes that
organization very seriously.

You mean, he thinks
he's Paul Revere?

You mean, he's--?

Oh, dear. Tsk.

Just a moment,
Miss Stephens.

Clancey!

Did you call me?

Uh, let the lady
have a couple of minutes

with that weirdo we just--

I'm sorry.
With Mr. Revere.

[♪]

You've come to laugh at me.
Go ahead. I don't blame you.

No. No, Mr. Revere.
I am not going to laugh at you.

You were telling me the truth.
The world has moved on.

A world filled with all
the marvels you talked about.

All I did was to play the fool.

Don't say that.
Your ride is history.

There was just no reason
for you to ride again.

Would you send me back now?

Oh, I can't.

Esmeralda's working on it.

But before she does,

there's something
I'd like you to see.

Take my hand. We'll make
a quick trip to Boston.

Sorry, folks,
but you'll just--

How did you let 'em
get past you, Clancey?

I didn't. I opened the door
and they disappeared.

What am I talking about?
You saw them disappear.

I didn't see anything.

I'm gonna have to make
a report on this, Clancey.

But--
And it's not gonna look good

for you at all.

[♪]

SAMANTHA:
Look familiar, Mr. Revere?

[GASPS]

That's me.

"Paul Revere."

[SAMANTHA READING PLAQUE]

"--and fused these
lovers of liberty

into an emerging nation."

[BELL TOLLING]

And the Old North Church.

After all these years,
it still stands.

One if by land,
two if by sea.

Aye. That was the signal,
all right.

Ah. I-I can't get over it.

A comely miss like you,
a witch.

Well, we're not all hags,
you know.

How strange.

Uh, no, not--
Not really.

It just means that
Esmeralda's spell is working.

This is the first leg
of your journey back.

No, no, no. This teapot.
I made it.

It has endured all these years.

I beg your pardon, Mr. Revere,
but it's a reproduction.

You see, it doesn't
bear your mark.

But of course not.
You'll read no mark at all.

This is the teapot
I was working on

the night
I was called to ride.

I couldn't expect
my country to wait

while I put my mark
on a teapot.

In the days that followed,
there was much confusion.

Somehow it disappeared.
Here. Allow me.

[♪]

For you, dear lady.

Oh. Thank you, Mr. Revere.

You may call me Paul.

Well, y-you'll be
leaving any moment.

It was a great pleasure
meeting you, Mr.--

Paul.

[GIGGLES, SIGHS]

Esmeralda,
for once in your life,

your timing was magnificent.

[♪]

Of all the dimwitted,
lamebrained ideas--

You're repeating
yourself, Larry.

Yes, and I'm going to keep
right on repeating myself.

Thanks to your lamebrained,
dimwitted i--

Sir Leslie. Sam.
Sam.

Well, h-how about this
for a coincidence?

Sir Leslie and I met
in the lobby.

L-Larry, wait a minute.
I think there's something--

I want you to have this,
Sir Leslie.

A gift from me to you.

But, Larry--

But I thought it was
Mr. Stephens' teapot.

That's right.
A gift from Stephens to you.

What is it, Sam?

Oh, uh, n-nothing important.

This is very kind of you,
Mr. Stephens.

Now, I've been thinking
about that idea of yours.

Oh, forget it.
It was all a mistake.

I was running a high fever
at the time.

It's too late. I've already seen
the full-page ad.

The full-page ad?
What full-page ad?

You know,
the one Sir Leslie saw.

LESLIE:
And loved.

"The Mystery
of the Daylight Ride

of Paul Revere."

You know,
the more I think about it,

the more I realize

that this ad is exactly

what the doctor ordered.

Paul Revere on the highways
and the byways,

on the wireless,
on the telly,

in the newspapers,
informing the American public

that British Imperial Textiles
is coming.

It's truly an inspiration.

No, I don't think
that's quite the word.

LARRY:
Of course that's the word.
An inspiration.

I never doubted it for a minute.

I knew you'd come through,
sweetheart.

And the chap
that played the part.

He was a perfect Paul Revere.

Yes, he wasn't bad,
was he?

Uh, perhaps
we could--

Uh, Mr. Revere

is in retirement,
permanently.

Pity.

Great Scott.

This is a genuine Paul Revere.

Well, naturally.
You don't think Stephens would--

Genuine?

No doubt about it.

Oh, I can't accept this gift.
It's worth a fortune.

Well, in that case--

You keep your teapot,
Mr. Stephens.

Now, I shall be getting
back to Boston.

Will you be handling
the business elements?

Uh, yes, but--
Well, let's you and I

get back to my hotel,
Mr. Tate,

and start working out
the details of our deal.

Yes, but--
Mrs. Stephens,

so nice meeting you.

Sir Leslie.

Thanks again, young man.
Oh, my pleasure.

[GRUNTS]

Sam, would you like to explain
how that ad got in the paper?

How?

Sam.

Sweetheart, witchcraft
got you into this mess.

I saw no reason why witchcraft
shouldn't get you out of it.

Besides,

we got a genuine Paul Revere
teapot in the bargain.

Can we keep it?

Why not?

It was a gift from Sir Leslie.

[♪]

[♪]
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