07x14 - The Mother-in-Law of the Year

[bunniefuu]

DARRIN:
"Wanted: Contented secretary.

"Money no object.

Reward: A box of
Bobbins Bonbons."

"Bobbins Bonbons?"

That was Mr. Bobbins'
contribution.

Oh. Hm-hm. Well, I think
it's a great idea.

We're also gonna work it
into his television show.

Good morning, Samantha.

How nice to be alone

with you for a change.

Mother, don't look now.

Abut that's Darrin
standing in front of you.

Oh?

Oh! Ha-ha.

One-dimensional objects
tend to disappear

into the background.

She's a laugh a second.

Uh, just relax, sweetheart.

I'll do better than that.

I'll go.

Good luck on
the Bobbins account.

He'll need it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Would you like to hear
an absolutely brilliant idea

that just occurred to me?

Since you asked, no.

Giving secretaries candy

is one of the worst ideas
I've ever heard.

Now, this is my idea.

I have observed
the mortal custom

of giving a box of candy

to mothers on Mother's Day.

Now, why not do the same thing
on Mother-In-Law's Day?

Because there is no such thing
as Mother-In-Law's Day.

Well, start a fad.

That makes as much
sense as saying,

if we celebrate
Washington's birthday

why not Benedict Arnold's?

[♪]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪]

[♪]

And thanks to you,
ladies and gentlemen,

for tuning us in.

We'll see you again tomorrow

when Bobbins Candies

once again presents
The Sweetheart Parade.

Oh.

Bobbins' Sweetheart Parade
is a good show, right, Tate?

Right. It's got
a lot of class.

And it gets good ratings, right?

Over 37 percent of the audience.

Okay. So the show is good,
it gets good ratings,

but Bobbins Candies
are not selling.

Which means I picked
a good television program,

but you guys come up
with lousy commercials.

In all fairness,
Mr. Bobbins, I'm sure...

And don't blame my candies.

You guys should
come up with commercials

that make people
want to buy Bobbins Candy,

whether they like it or not.

Mr. Stephens is my top man,

and I'm sure he's doing

his level best
to come up with...

Where is Stephens?

Or aren't geniuses
supposed to be on time?

Uh, I'm sure he'll be here
any minute, Mr. Bobbins.

It's still a little early.

As far as progress is concerned,
I'd say he's a little late.

[LAUGHS]

Say, that's very good.

You do have a way with phrases.
[DOOR OPENS]

Good morning,
Mr. Bobbins.

You're late.

I thought I was
five minutes early.

Wasn't the meeting scheduled...?

It's just a joke, Darrin.

What Mr. Bobbins
means is

it's late for him
to be getting ideas,

which should be...

How did that go again?

Forget it.

Tate tells me you've finally
come up with an idea

that's workable.

Yes. And I, uh,

hope you'll share my enthusiasm.

We all hope so.

We know that Bobbins
already occupies

a unique position

in the confectionary world.

So it's been quite a challenge

to come up with an arresting
ad campaign.

I hope you're leading
up to something.

I hear more harebrained ideas.

Do you know what my nephew
came up with yesterday?

Listen to this:

"Buy your secretary a box
of Bobbins Candies."

Did you ever hear a worse idea?

Oh, well, my nephew
is my problem.

You were saying?

I was?

Oh, yes. I, uh...

Well, here goes.

Sprig of myrtle Dash of lime.

Let the spell begin
At the sound of chime.

Pinch of basil Splash of wine.

The voice will be dum-dum's
The idea will be mine.

Well, go on.
Go on.

Oh, yes.

Well, uh, the idea I had was...

[BELL RINGS]

What's the matter with him?

Well, you know
these creative geniuses.

Very high-strung. Ha.

Go on, go on.

That Bobbins create a national
Mother-In-Law's Day

and on that date,

remind everyone to honor
their mother-in-law

with a box of Bobbins Candy.

A Mother-In-Law's Day.

Darrin, I think from now on,
it will be necessary for us

to collaborate
a little more closely.

That is a sensational idea.

Like we did on this idea.

A national Mother-In-Law's Day.

This was worth waiting for.

Just how do we do it?

Why, we...

[LAUGHS]

Tell him, Darrin.
You're pitching.

Mr. Bobbins,

you just put your finger
right on the reason

that this idea does not work.

What?

Stephens is obviously
suffering from overwork.

Uh, the point is,
uh, we can't create

a national
Mother's-In-Law Day.

I mean, it would take a...
An act of Congress

legislation, et cetera,
et cetera.

So why don't we just forget it?

Forget it? I like it!

But it's my idea,
and you can't have it.

[♪]

Why is it all these creative
geniuses have a screw loose?

Larry's been phoning
all afternoon.

He wanted you
to call him as s...

Uh-oh.

You struck out, huh?

On the contrary.

I knocked the ball clear
out of the park.

Mr. Bobbins liked the idea
about the secretary?

He hated it.

What he loved was my idea
about Mother-In-Law's Day.

Your idea?

That was zapped into
my head by your mother,

who was playing her usual
game of dirty pool.

Well, sweetheart,
w-why are you so upset?

I-I mean, even if she did do it,
it was only to help you.

Which, apparently, she did.

Who asked her for help?

Uh, Darrin, will you stop
being so irrational?

I will...

if you'll stop being so logical.

Where were you all afternoon?

I was in the park,

wrestling with my conscience.

I-I realize
you must have a...

A little conflict

about using Mother's
idea, but...

Not a little conflict.
A great, big one.

What are you gonna do?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'm gonna answer the door.

[♪]

And then work on it.

Mother?

Yoo-hoo, Mother.

I'd like to have
a little chat with you.

About what, dear?

Dirty work at the crossroads.

Yours.

Come on in.

We've solved
your problem, my boy.

Tell him, Tate.
It was your idea.

LARRY:
Okay.

Darrin, we found a way to...

We found a perfect way

to make your
Mother-In-Law's Day work.

Since we can't create
a Mother-In-Law's Day,

Bobbins Candy will create
the Mother-In-Law of the Year.

Tell him how.

What we're going
to do is find...

Find a suitable model

and present her as Bobbins'
Mother-In-Law of the Year.

Tell him where we're gonna
make the announcement.

Heh. Where else?
On the Bobbins'...

Bobbins' candy show,
Sweetheart Parade.

Uh, that's really a...

great idea.

Great idea? It's
a stroke of genius.

And you can thank Tate for it.

Thank you, Tate.

Once and for all,

I want you to stop
meddling in his affairs.

[♪]

Mother-In-Law
of the Year.

What a wonderful idea.

How you gonna find her?

That's what I pay
these fellows for.

My job is to make
a better bonbon.

Spiders and bunnies
That hippity-hop.

When my name Is mentioned.

Bobbins' heart will
Flippity-flop.

Mercy.

I never dreamed you had guests.

Well, I'll just run right along.

Well, if you have to
run right along, you have to.

Ah, Mother.

Hm? You remember
Larry, of course.

Oh, yes.

Nice to see you again.

A-and this is
Mr. Bobbins.

How do you do?
Uh-heh...

Don't let us keep you, Endora.

Endora.

[♪]

What a beautiful name.

Now I know how you got your idea

for Mother-In-Law's Day.

It's obvious this lovely

and charming lady inspired you.

Didn't she?

You could say that.

And you wouldn't be wrong.

There's something
I've got to say.

Yes, Mr. Bobbins?

Please, call me Bernard.

I want you for Bobbins'
Mother-In-Law of the Year.

ENDORA:
Me?

Little me?

Oh. Oh, I'm so flustered,

I... I... I don't know
what to say.

How about a short, pithy
nonacceptance speech?

Why, Sam? She's a natural.

Endora, you know
you don't have time for...

Time...?

Oh, I didn't realize
it was so late.

Will you be a dear
and call a cab for me?

A cab?
Not bloody likely.

I'll be happy to
personally drive you

to the ends of the earth.

I'll be glad to drive her
even farther, if necessary.

Come, dear.

Ta-ta, sweets.

M-M-Mother?

Nice meeting you,
Mrs. Stephens.

Yes. Mother.

Uh, since we came
in the same car,

I'd better be going too.

See you tomorrow,
Darrin. Ciao, Sam.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, he's just dropping
me off at my place.

It's... It's just
right down...

[GROANS]

Bye, Sam.
Darrin. Heh.

Sam...

what evil do you suppose lurks

in the mind of your mother?

Darrin...

maybe she doesn't have
an ulterior motive.

M-maybe she really
is trying to help.

It doesn't make sense.

Why would she suddenly
turn her back

on everything she stands for
and do something nice?

Darrin, you are talking
about my mother.

I admire your loyalty.

But do you really believe,

sincerely, in your
heart and soul

that your mother has
my best interests in mind?

Would you rephrase that, please?

I'd like to be able
to answer without lying.

Sam.

Well...

LARRY: I know, I know.
You're right.

Thanks for your cooperation,
Marvin.

Uh, Larry, this whole thing
with Sam's mother.

Sam and I have been
discussing it,

and, well, it's not feasible.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I'm not gonna
let you use my idea

without taking full advantage
of its potential.

Darrin, are you
out of your tree?

Your secretary said
to come right in.

Mr. Bobbins. Heh.

Stephens and I were
just buttoning up

a few loose ends.

Good morning, Stephens.

May I call you Durwood?

No.

What?

My name is Darrin.

Oh. I thought
Endora said that...

Yes, she has a hard time
remembering my name.

Ah. Uh, Mr. Bobbins...

She was kind enough to accept
my invitation to dinner.

I tell you, she's really
an enchanting woman.

Uh, Mr. Bobbins, for reasons
I won't go into

I'm asking you to cancel

the whole
mother-in-law campaign.

He's rambling.

It always happens around
this time of the year. You know.

It's his hay fever.

Ha-ha.

Mr. Bobbins has already
set the wheels in motion.

We've decided that
Endora will be crowned.

Mother-In-Law of the Year

on The Sweetheart Parade
tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

That's right.

Ah, Mr. Bobbins, y-you don't
know the real Endora.

Um, she's very shy.
Neurotically so.

Once she sees the audience,
the cameras,

she'll fall apart.

Look, I know what
you're concerned about.

You think if she comes
off badly,

it will reflect on you.

Don't worry about it.
And one thing more.

I had a lovely evening with her,

and I can tell you something:

She is not shy.

[♪]

[♪]

Sam, why did you
let me sleep so late?

Just look at the time.

Oh, yeah.

We're due at the studio
in half an hour.

You should have awakened me.

Why? So you could worry
a little longer?

You didn't sleep half
the night as it is.

You mean I slept half the night?

It's hard to believe.

Well, now, don't
worry, sweetheart.

Mother promised me.

She should be arriving
just about now.

I have a rule.

I always keep my promises.

You look half dead.

I suppose half
isn't good enough.

[CHUCKLES] Well, it's a start.

I may deliver the other half
after the television show.

What television show?

What?

Mother...

what are you doing
in that ski outfit?

I'll give you a hint.

I'm not going
deep-sea diving.

Endora...

I got very little
sleep last night,

and I'm in no mood for jokes.

Darrin.
Yes?

She's not joking.

Mother, y-you cannot do this.

I have to.

I promised Peabody I would.

You remember him.
He invented thunder.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Be right with you, Peabody.

No. Endora,

you're not gonna
get away with this.

You engineered this whole thing.

You're gonna stay here
and do that TV show.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Coming.

Oh. Peabody is
so impatient.

Ta-ta.

Oh, I... Oh.

Oh.

[GROWLS]

Sweetheart, you're not gonna
do anything foolish?

'Course not. There's
a simple solution.

I'll just call Larry
and tell him

your mother can't make it
because she's sick.

And believe me, there's nobody
sicker than your mother.

Darrin.

I think I have a solution

that will satisfy everyone.

What?

No, you won't like it.

Of course I'll like it.

I haven't heard it
and I... And I like it.

What?

I could go on that television
show as Endora.

Follow me?

I do, and forget it.

[RINGS]

Hello?

Where the devil are you?

And what's more important,
where's Endora?

We've got to rehearse
her, you know.

And the director's having a fit.

Ah, Larry, there's
a little complication.

I've got him on the phone.
They're leaving right now.

Right?

Right.

[SIGHS]

Honey, as a good wife,

how would you like to be
my mother-in-law?

[SAMANTHA'S VOICE] How's
that for service?

Well.

How about a little
kissy-poo?

Hmm?
[KISSES]

[LAUGHS]

Forget it.

Look, we... We better... There's
only two minutes to air.

We'd better cut that
mother-in-law spot. Huh?

Well, I-I can replace it
with some other piece.

I could fill with the Bobbins
Buttery Bonbon bit

we did last week.

Look, I don't know, Jim.

Excellent.
Excellent.

Yeah, beautiful, baby.
Get the Buttery Bonbon bit.

Jim, you'd better look it over.

This is really
unforgivable, Tate.

It's not like Stephens at all.

[♪]

Oh, here they come.

Do you know the panic
you caused?

It's less than
two minutes to air.

American beauties

for the most beautiful
American of them all.

Me? Why, thank you,
Mr. Bobbins.

Now, you promised
not to be formal.

I mean Bernard, of course.

Mr. Bobbins, sir,
if you will excuse me,

there's just no time for this.

Ma'am, do you suppose
you could read

your speech off cards

without a rehearsal?

Don't worry. I'm sure
I can handle it.

Oh, well, good.
Let's go.

And remember, there's
no second chance.

Please, over here.

k*ll that Buttery Bonbons bit.

We'd better get into
the client's booth.

Come on, Darrin.

Camera 1, give me a head sh*t.

Camera 2, waist.

All right, would you
just sit right down here?

Here, you take these. Oh, yes.

Now, the announcer will say,

"And here she is,
the Mother-In-Law of the Year."

Music, music, music,
and you're on.

Then there's a lot of applause.

Then you just read
your speech off the...

Off the cards.
Cards?

You'll read your speech
right off these cards.

These are the cards?
These... They won't be here.

They'll be over there,
where the cards are.

You can read them?

Yes, I think I can.
Good.

Now, where it says on the cards,

"She takes a piece of candy,"

you take a piece of candy.

Right...?
From there.

Right from the Bobbins
uh, "bonny-bonny" box.

Got it?
Yes, I do.

All right,
minute-30 to air.

Minute-20 to air.

Psst. Psst.

DIRECTOR: What's going
on out there, Leo?

W... Will you get her
back on camera?

Where is she?
What's the matter?

Oh, well, I... I told you
she was the nervous, shy type.

She probably got stage fright.

Mother, what are you doing here?

Frankly, I resent
your effrontery

in trying to imitate me

when, as everyone knows,
I'm inimitable.

You're also a couple
of other things,

which I won't mention.

DIRECTOR: Leo. Leo,
can't you do something?

We're 35 seconds to air.

Mother, will you get lost?

I will not, Samantha.

If you insist on playing me,

I will play you.

[GROANS]

Who are you? What
are you doing here?

[NERVOUSLY] Why, uh...
Why, she's my daughter.

[SNIDELY] Yes.

I wanted to be with my mommy.

Well... Do you realize
we're a live show?

We've got 20 seconds
to get on the air.

Would you get out of here?

Come on. Wanted to be
with your mommy.

Come on, please.

Just sit right down.
I know.

Look, now it's 20 seconds.

Read the cards.
All right, all right.

Oh, let's hope she stays there.

Yes, let's hope so.

[♪]

[LAUGHING]

[ENDORA'S VOICE] Oh,
Endora, you're too much.

[LAUGHS]

[SHOW MUSIC PLAYING]

Folks, we're taking
a few minutes

from Sweetheart Parade

to pay tribute,

long overdue, to
a truly unsung heroine.

Bobbins Candies proudly presents

the Mother-In-Law
of the Year.

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

Thank you.

I can't tell you what
a thrill it is for me

to be here with you today.

As a simple, average
mother-in-law,

I'm especially thrilled

that this honor
has been accorded me,

and I want to particularly

thank the Bobbins Candy Company,

who made this all possible.

Mmm.

And Bobbins Candies
are so delicious.

And so fattening.

Uh, wh... What happened?

But only if we piggy it up.

What's your wife doing there?

And what's she saying?

Uh, shh. Be quiet.

You'll make Mr. Bobbins
miss the surprise element.

But... But...
Shut up, Tate.

I don't wanna miss the surprise.

And then somebody better
explain the surprise.

Yeah. And that
somebody is you.

So a suggestion to
all you sons-

and daughters-in-law.

Pick up a box of
Bobbins Buttery Bonbons.

If you can afford
the ridiculously high prices.

Uh, naturally,
Bobbins Candies cost more

because only the finest,

costliest ingredients are used.

I can't believe this.

You can't believe it?

Shh.

A final reminder.

If you honor your
mother-in-law this one day...

You can forget about her
for the rest of the year.

[LAUGHING, APPLAUDING]

[LAUGHS]

Uh, nothing like levity
to spice up a commercial.

But... But...
You're gonna miss it.

But a mother-in-law
who is forgotten

the rest of the year

can become very angry.

Look, uh, check
your montage amplifier.

That's the part I didn't
want you to miss. Ha-ha.

But a good
daughter-in-law

will always remember
her mother-in-law

on Mother-In-Law's Day

with a box of Bobbins Candies.

I, uh, had them
use a special lens

on that technical
stuff. Heh.

Something I read about
in an electronics manual.

Why didn't you
mention this before?

Yeah. Why didn't you
mention this before?

Well, I told you, it was
designed as a surprise.

From that point of view,
it was a smash.

Darrin, I suggest you have
a long talk with Samantha.

And then have an even
longer talk with me.

That was a disgrace.

I thought it had impact.

A disgrace with a lot of impact.

It raised some negative ideas,

but it sh*t them down
with positives.

I hope you'll forgive us
for our little surprise. Heh.

Why not?

I think it was one of
the most effective

commercial messages
I've ever seen.

You've got guts, Stephens.

Well, thank you, Mr. Bobbins.

But, uh, I had a lot of help.

Thank you, Darrin.
[SLAPS KNEE]

Well, let's go congratulate

your wife and
mother-in-law.

Don't you want to see
the rest of the show?

I've seen the commercial.

That's the only part
that interests me.

[♪]

Camera 2 to Studio B
for production number.

Sam...

you were terrific.

I was?

Oh, uh, Mr. Bobbins,

I have a, uh, little
confession to make.

The surprise element
in the commercial, heh,

was actually something

that Samantha and
her mother cooked up.

My dear girl, you and
that mother of yours

are to be congratulated.

Ordinarily, I don't
like surprises,

but this one certainly paid off.

Oh, well.

I especially liked the part

where your mother-in-law
turned into your wife.

Yes, that was
my favorite part too.

Where's Endora?

Oh, uh, I-I can't
imagine.

She was here a minute ago.

I-I guess maybe
she had to leave.

Not without saying goodbye?

Of course not.

We'll find her.

Bye, Sam.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

I don't think they'll find her.

I think she went back
skiing with Mr. Peabody.

[QUIETLY] Thanks, Mom.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Well...

[♪]