07x16 - The Good Fairy Strikes Again

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Sam.

SAMANTHA:
Just a minute, sweetheart.

DARRIN:
How are you doing?

SAMANTHA:
Not so good.

Sam, you've gotta get rid
of those ridiculous wings.

Mary's being very obstinate.

She doesn't want to be
the Good Fairy anymore.

How are you doing?

You may find this
hard to believe,

but it's next to impossible

to concentrate on the campaign
for the Reducealator

when your wife is walking around
with wings on her back

and the Good Fairy's
in the kitchen with a hangover.

Well, sweetheart,

if worse comes to worse,

you can always use the slogan
I suggested. Remember?

No.
And please don't remind me.

Sam, if you wanna help me,

if you wanna save my
professional life and my sanity,

you'll talk some sense
into that miserable Good Fairy.

Oh, now, sweetheart,
don't get hysterical.

You cannot think creatively
when you're all stirred up.

I'll go have another cr*ck
at Mary.

[♪]

Mary, we have got
to be sensible about this.

Now, I didn't mind
substituting for you last night

when you were crocked.

Hold it.

Let's not besmirch
the name of the Good Fairy.

You gave me
a few drops of that...

What did you call it?

Brandy.

Yes.

I just had a few sips
to warm my bones.

And I got a little overheated.

You had four blasts
and you were crocked.

Mary, I simply cannot let you
unload your job on me.

In the first place,

it eliminates
my powers of witchcraft,

and more importantly,

I have a family
and a husband to take care of.

Speaking of your husband,
I think it was very mean of him

to lock up that brandy.

Mary, do you have any idea what
this is doing to my husband?

He is desperately trying
to work,

and you're not helping him
one bit.

You want me to help him?

Yes.

Tell him to unlock the brandy.

[♪]

[SNARLS]

Well?

What did Crazy Mary say?

I think the Good Fairy will be
a lot easier to deal with

if we give her
just one little drink.

I'll agree to anything,

if she'll agree to going back
to being the Good Fairy.

I think a little drinkie-poo
might just do it.

Okay. Here's the key.

[♪]

Mary, here's...

Mary?

Mary.

[♪]

Ooh!

There's Mrs. Stephens'
Aunt Mary

walking down the street
in a robe.

Abner,
maybe I should invite her in

and give her some
of my chicken soup.

Your chicken soup?
Yes.

Why, Gladys?
What did she ever do to you?

She went out?
What do you mean, she went out?

She can't go out.

What... What happens if...?
Suppose...

Suppose she runs into
one of the neighbors.

Uh, suppose she starts talking?

We'll be on the 6:00 news,
coast to coast.

And in Europe, via Telstar.

Well, she can't have gotten
very far.

You keep working.
I'll go look for her.

Sam, you go out like that

and we'll have to move
to a new neighborhood.

I take that back.

A new country.

Sorry. I lost my head.

[♪]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Mm.

You're right,
Mrs. Kravitz.

Chicken soup is fine.

But I've discovered,

there's nothing like
a nip of brandy

to really warm you up.

Darrin, Larry's on the phone.

[♪]

I know what he wants.

He wants to know
what I've come up with

on the campaign
for the Reducealator.

Well, I'll just have
to bull it through.

And you'd better do something
about covering up those wings.

I can't stand
looking at them anymore.

I-I-I'll find something.

[♪]

Hi, Larry.
How's it going?

Ha-ha. You took the question
right out of my mouth.

How you doing with...?

The campaign
on the Reducealator?

Larry, I-I'm on to something
so terrific,

that I don't even wanna stop
to talk to you.

So, uh, goodbye.

Wait a minute.

We meet Ferber tomorrow,

and he's not gonna be satisfied
with a train of thought.

He's paying us for brainstorms.

Now, when are you coming in?

I'm not.
I'm on a hot roll,

and I don't wanna blow it.
Goodbye.

Hold it. Can't you give me
some idea what it's about?

Larry, you're going to make me
blow my brainstorm.

Goodbye.

This better?

It looks ridiculous.

Uh, how about a little more?

Oh, I really,
really don't think I should.

[CHUCKLES] Do you?

Be my guest.

Why, I certainly wouldn't
want to offend my hostess.

I hope Mary
hasn't gotten too far.

Y-You...
You better take the car.

Okay.

[♪]

Y-You were
the Good Fairy?

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Well, excuse me.

Abner?

Did you hear what I just heard?

What?

You thought I was crazy, huh?

You know what she told me?

She used to be the Good Fairy,

but now Mrs. Stephens
is the Good Fairy.

Now what do you say?

Don't let her get away.

They have special rates
at the sanatorium

for double occupancy.

[♪]

Uh, Mary, I was think...

Mary?

Mar...?

[♪]

[COOING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Can we help you, ma'am?

Well, aren't you kind.

Yes, you certainly can.

Do you know what brandy is?

Yes.

And I have the feeling
you do too.

Would you happen to have
a drop on you?

Just to warm my bones.

What's your name?

Mary.
Mary what?

Mary. Just plain Mary now.

But I used to be
Mary, the Good Fairy.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, you don't say.

And I used to be
Charlie Prince Charming.

I think you better come
along with us, ma'am.

I will not go with you,
you fresh thing.

But I will go with you.

Fine.

We'll find a place that's, uh,
nice and comfortable.

And will I get something
to take away this chill?

We'll see what we can work out.

You are a dear man.

[♪]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[ENGINE STARTS]
[GASPS]

Sam?

No trace of Mary?

I searched
the whole neighborhood.

Now, what are we gonna do?

Well, I don't know.

We can't call the police
and report a missing fairy.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Oh. Oh, Mrs. Kravitz.

That's awful.

What's awful?

We don't have to worry
about calling the police.

They've already picked her up.

Terrific.

Uh, why do you suppose
the police picked my aunt up?

Do you know,
Mrs. Kravitz?

Oh?

Well, I wonder how
she got so much to drink.

Oh.

Well, you shouldn't have
done that, Mrs. Kravitz.

My aunt has a little problem.

What do you mean, that's not
the only problem she has?

Oh.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Uh, oh, yeah, well, all...

All that business
about her being the Good Fairy

is just a little joke of hers.

[LAUGHS]

Thanks for letting us know,
Mrs. Kravitz.

Goodbye.

What was she picked up for?

Probably drunk walking.

I better get right down
to the station

and see what I can do.

Maybe I could put on my shawl

and go down to the station.
You could stay here and work.

Never mind, Sam.

Besides, I told you that,
uh, we're not meeting

with Mr. Ferber
until tomorrow.

How thoughtful
of Mr. Ferber.

[♪]

[PHONE BUZZES]

Yes?

Mr. Ferber's here?

He can't be.

He is?

All right.

Ask him to come right in.

[♪]

Mr. Ferber, come in.
Come in.

What a pleasant surprise.

We weren't expecting to see you
until tomorrow.

Uh, Mrs. Ferber and I thought
we'd fly in a few days earlier.

Take in some theater.

Good. We can get you seats
to anything you wanna see.

Tate, if I want seats,
I'll go to a broker.

They rob you,
but they produce results,

which is more than
I can say for your outfit.

Heh-heh. Mr. Ferber,
in all fairness,

you are a day early, and, uh...

Yes, I know. I know.

It's just that we're all anxious

to get the Reducealator campaign
started.

And, uh, I wanted to see what
you fellas had come up with.

Yes.

Well...

So, what have you come up with?

As a matter of fact,

I was talking to Stephens
a little while ago.

And he's working
on an absolutely

sensational idea for you.

Really? Uh, what is it?

I don't know.

He wouldn't tell me.

Did you try coaxing him,
or offering him a lollipop?

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Well, you know how far out
these creative people are.

Ask him to come in.

I'm sure he'll tell me.

Well, that's the whole thing.

He was so caught up in the idea,

he didn't even want to take time
to drive into the office.

Now,
that's what I call enthusiasm.

I call it insubordination.

If you're really anxious,
I can have Stephens drive in.

What?
And stop the wheels of genius?

I wouldn't dream of it.

Good.
Then we'll wait till tomorrow.

No.

We'll drive out
to the genius's house today.

Fine.

I was just gonna suggest that.

[♪]

Okay, sir, she's released
in your custody.

Oh, thank you, sergeant.
And, uh,

we'll see that she doesn't
run around loose anymore.

Well, just make sure she doesn't
run around tight anymore.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You're so right.

Come on, Mary.

No. That nice officer
promised me

I'd get something
to warm my bones.

And I'm not leaving until I do.

Uh, Mary, this isn't a bar.

It's a police station.

[DARRIN CHUCKLES]

Uh, come on, Mary.
Hm?

Uh, I'm sorry if she
caused you any trouble,

but, uh, she's been under
a strain.

I understand.

I have the same problem
with my Uncle Otto.

[♪]

[♪]

Well, um...
No, I-I'm sorry, Millie.

He's not back yet.

Well... Well, he went out
about half an hour ago

on a little, um, emergency.

And, well... Oh, hold...
Hold on. Hold on.

Here he...

Uh, he... Here...
Here he is now.

It's Larry's secretary.

She's called three times.

[COOING]
Oh. Shh! Shh!

Uh, here.
Uh, come on, Mary.

You... We'd better
go upstairs and lie down.

[♪]

He... Hello, Millie.

Y-Yeah, I'm sorry, but I had
a little, um, emergency here.

Uh, what's up?

You're kidding.

You're not kidding.

Uh, well... Uh, look, Millie,
y-you've got to get to him

and tell him not to bring
Ferber out here because...

You...
They left 45 minutes ago?

Uh, g-good...
Goodbye, Millie.

Larry's coming here?

Uh, with the client.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ooh. Oh. Oh,
that can't be them.

Well, I suggest you don't, uh,
wait around to find out.

Just disappear.

Darrin, you know my witchcraft
isn't functioning.

Well, you've got
those dumb wings. Use them.

In broad daylight?

Some nearsighted duck hunter's
apt to sh**t me out of the sky.

Now, wait a minute.

Why...? Why are we panicking?

We just don't answer the door.

Later, you can tell Larry that
you didn't get back in time,

and I had to take
the kids to... To...

Ah. I thought maybe
you didn't hear the bell.

Uh, Mrs. Kravitz, we...

I, uh, saw you brought
your aunt back.

How is she?

Oh, she's resting now.

What have you got on
underneath that?

Uh, Mrs. Kravitz,
I hope you won't take of fence,

but my sense of privacy
is greater

than your sense of curiosity.

And we're expecting company.

Are you, uh, asking me to leave?

Oh, no.

I-I just don't want
to detain you.

[♪]

[CAR APPROACHING]

Here's your company.

I know you're in a hurry,
Mrs. Kravitz. I hope you can

come back sometime
when you can stay longer.

Goodbye.

And goodbye to you too.

Y-Yeah, okay.

Good luck.

Darrin, I tried to call you...
I know. I know.

Oh, how are you,
Mr. Ferber?

Well, considering the traffic,

and the smog we had
to cut through, not too good.

But Tate tells me you've got
a great idea in the oven.

I'm sure it'll perk me up.

Uh, w-well, yes. Heh.

B-But... But at the moment,
it's only half-baked.

If that's a joke,
I don't get it.

It's a bad joke.

Darrin,
are you set up in the den?

DARRIN:
Uh, yes, but I...

Come on, Mr. Ferber.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Ferber.

Uh... Uh, well,
I mean...

Well, I-it's...
It's against my principles

to show unfinished work.

And Mr. Tate
knows it. Heh.

It's just not fair to me,
and it's not fair to the ideas.

Did you drag me through
all that smog for this?

Uh, Darrin,
this morning you told me

you were on the trail
of a terrific idea.

And you didn't even want
to stop to talk.

What happened to it?

I'm... I'm still on the trail,

and I'm still not ready
to talk about it.

Is the traffic as bad
on the way back?

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Temperament. Heh.

Just remember,
I pay for results,

not temperament.

SAMANTHA: Darrin, is that
Larry you're talking to?

That's right, honey.

SAMANTHA:
Well, ask him to come in.

What?

She wants us to come in.

Oh.

[♪]

Sam.

FERBER:
Well, look at that.

Very good.

You sly devil.

Playing obstinate just to
build up the suspense, eh?

Mr. Ferber, you'll never guess

what's hidden under this
Reducealator of yours.

One of the loveliest ladies
I know.

Sam,
this is Mr. Ferber.

Oh, how do you do?
Oh, Mr. Ferber.

Uh, Darrin and I were just doing

a little research
on your product.

He always insists upon that.

Well, that's the first thing

I've heard today
that makes sense.

Yes, I-I frequently find
that actual use of a product

will inspire an ad campaign.

Well, on to the inspirations.

What do you have to show us?

W-Well...

Incidentally, Mr. Ferber,

uh, Darrin was explaining that
you can wear the Reducealator

while you do your housework.

Yes, that's the idea.

He said:

"You can whittle away the pounds
as you work."

Remember?

Oh, yes.

Uh, that's one thought I had.

"Whittle while you work."

Now, I know you fellas always
pitch your second-best first.

So, uh, let's not
waste time on strategy.

Ha-ha. Mr. Ferber,
you really know

every trick in the book,
don't you?

Okay, Darrin,
give him number one.

Right.

Number one.

Well...

Uh... M-My,
this heat certainly gets

into your bones, doesn't it?

Well,
I-I think I'll go about

my household chores.

Yes, I think that's a good idea.

FERBER: Well, uh, no.
I-I'd, uh, like to get,

uh, the woman's point of view
on this idea of your husband's.

If, uh, you don't mind,
Mrs. Stephens?

M-Mind?

Oh, heh, no, of course not.

I'd be happy to give you
my point of view.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, you have no idea
how stimulating this is.

Yes, sir, Mr. Ferber, you...

You certainly have
a hot little item here.

Well, now, you, uh,
shouldn't overdo, Mrs. Stephens.

Oh... Oh, no.

Uh, n-no, I'm fine.
Uh, really.

This is... Is sort of a shakedown
test on the Reducealator

to find out

j-just where
the breaking point is.

Well, that's hardly necessary,
Mrs. Stephens.

My Reducealator
has been thoroughly tested

in our research lab
by our top technicians.

Really?

Oh.

Well, d-did a-any of them

tell you how to get
this little knob back on?

Do you mean it's broken?

O-O-Only the part
that turns off the heat.

Come on, Stephens,
let's zip her out of this.

No.
LARRY & FERBER: No?

Did I say no?
What I meant was yes.

Uh, let's get her out of there.

[♪]

You should have spoken up,
Mrs. Stevens.

That's right, Sam.
I know you didn't want

to offend Mr. Ferber.
Offend me?

I'm not the kind
of a man that...

What...?

What's that she's wearing?

I don't get it.

Uh, w-w-well, uh, do you
wanna tell them, Sam?

No. It was your idea.

Well, o-okay.

[♪]

There.

W-Well, she's the Good Fairy.

What's the Good Fairy got to do
with my Reducealator?

I-I'm...
I'm coming to that.

Uh, here.

Picture this.

Uh, a-a pretty model,
uh, wearing your Reducealator.

Hovering over her head
is the Good Fairy.

And underneath, the slogan...

"Fly now, Reducealator."

Fly now?

You're joking, of course.

Not necessarily.

Uh, what exactly does it mean?

Well, uh...

If I... If I have to explain it,
I-I failed.

You failed.

But what exactly does it mean?

Well, uh... Uh, fly now.

Uh, heh-heh...
Uh, l-live it up.

Uh, eat all you want,
reduce later.

It makes a better mystery.

No, no, no.
It's an interesting notion.

It takes a second or two
to grab you.

I like it.

You know something?

It just grabbed me.

You have a mighty peculiar way
of doing business, Stephens,

but I've gotta hand it to you,
once you pitch,

you really make
an all-out effort.

You'd be surprised
how much of that

Sam is responsible for.

The way I feel about it is,

the family
that pitches together,

stays hitched together.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Well, that isn't one of my best.

[♪]

[♪]

I'd say I'm sorry

for barging in on you, Stephens,

but, uh, heh,
now I'm glad I did.

Oh, I'm glad you're glad.
Heh-heh.

We're going, Sam.

SAMANTHA:
Oh, already?

I just fixed some bloody marys.

Hey.
Mr. Ferber?

Oh, thanks, but I don't drink.

Larry?

[SCOFFS]

You must be joking.

You know I never
touch the stuff.

Nice to have met you,
Mrs. Stephens.

It's been a real pleasure,
a real pleasure.

Nice to have met you,
Mr. Ferber.

I'll see you out.
Bye, Sam.

Goodbye.

[♪]

MARY:
What's going on?

Why are your wings drooping?

Oh, they got a little steamed.

It's nothing to worry about.

They never looked like that
when I wore them.

What's that?

Bloody mary.
What's in it?

What do you care,
as long as it's fermented?

That's certainly not very...
Uh, Mary.

Uh, in all the excitement,
there was something

I forgot to ask you.
Yes?

Well, uh, do you think
it would be all right

if I started my rounds
a little earlier tonight?

Before midnight? Why?

Well, uh, last night

I couldn't get to the last two
children on the list.

You're joking.

Why didn't you mention it
this morning?

I, uh... I was ashamed.

You're not doing much
for the image of the Good Fairy.

I'll drink to that.

Isn't it a little early?

Well, it's almost 4...

[GASPS]

Now look what you've done,
clumsy!

So what?

I'll just toss it
in the washing machine.

Are you mad?

That dress is made
of spun milkweed.

You can't wash it
in a washing machine.

Then how do you clean it?

You find a field of young wheat

and you fly low over it,

just letting the tips
of the spears touch you.

And that brushes the dirt out.

Oh, I haven't got time
to go to all that trouble.

I'll just have to make do.

Make do? Make do?

You can't go out
looking like that!

I have a reputation to maintain.

Mary,
it is no longer your reputation.

It is mine.

And I will handle it
as I see fit.

No, you won't.

You're... You're fired.

Well!

If that's the way you want it.

It certainly is.

Huh. I've learned my lesson.

If you have a job you love,
you...

You have to do it yourself.

That's what I've been trying
to tell you.

Well, I'm convinced.

Let's switch.
Right now.

Oh. Uh, Darrin,
are you sure you don't mind?

I'll get over it.

[♪]

Ugh!

What a mess.

Ah, heh. Ew.

Samantha, send me
to the nearest wheat field.

[♪]

Mm.

Oh.

[♪]