07x27 - Laugh, Clown, Laugh

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

What got you up so early?

A very unhappy client,
who's coming in this morning

for the express purpose
of blowing his top.

Oh?

I have a feeling, unless
I come up with a brainstorm,

McMann & Tate is about
to part company

with Mount Rocky
Mutual Insurance.

And the feeling
won't be mutual, right?

Sam, it's too early for that.

What would you like
for breakfast?

If you've got any brain food,
I could sure use it.

Oh. While you're here,

what do you think of
this layout for Mount Rocky?

"Insure with Mount Rocky

and guarantee
a future that isn't."

Guarantee a future
that isn't rocky.

I'll see what I have
in the way of brain food.

[♪]

[ANIMAL SNORTING]

[SNORTING]

I'll pass up my three guesses.
What is this all about?

If it was anyone but you,
Durwood, it would be obvious.

I was playing sand polo
in the Sahara.

How do you play polo
from a camel's back

with such a short mallet?

Tall ball.
Ha-ha-ha.

Samantha, will you kindly
get this beast out of here?

And the camel too.

I don't say you have
no sense of humor,

but the one you have is sadly
in need of replacement.

Endora, first of all,
I never laugh

when I see something tragic.

And secondly, while
a living room may be

a funny place for a camel,

it's not so funny
when it's our living room.

And thirdly, if...

Sweetheart, why not
just leave it at "secondly"?

Okay.

And I hope you won't
misunderstand

if I skip breakfast.

It's just that,
when your mother arrived,

my appetite left.

[♪]

Face it, Samantha.

That man simply has
no sense of humor.

Just because he doesn't
find you amusing?

Does a turkey laugh at an a*?

Half of that comparison
is revolting.

What is revolting
is your treatment of Darrin.

It is unforgivable,
detestable and inhuman.

Thank you, my darling.
You've made my day.

What's the use? Oh!

[NARRATOR READS
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Betty, be sure and notify me
just as soon as Mount Rocky...

I mean, Mr. Jameson.

Arrives.

[MAGIC CHIMES]

[ENDORA LAUGHING]

We simply must do something

about your abysmal
sense of humor.

It isn't fair for my daughter

to be saddled
with such a glum-dum.

To avoid the shock Of sudden wit.

We'll start from scratch,
Bit by bit.

A chime will cause
Your brain to whirl.

Your jokes will cause
Their hair to curl.

Ah, Mr. Jameson just arrived.
He's in with Mr. Tate.

Oh, and your wife
said to tell you

she'd be out shopping
for a while.

My wife? When did she...?

[MAGIC CHIMES]

Speaking of wives,
you know why they call them

the better half, don't you?

When they ask you for shopping
money, you'd better have it.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

That's what a wife is:

Someone to spend with
the rest of your life.

[CHUCKLES]

But a wife is a great comfort.

When you've got all
the kind of troubles

you never had as
a bachelor. Ha-ha-ha.

[MAGIC CHIMES]

If you're wondering
who to blame this on, uh,

w-w-we were watching a comic
on television last night.

And, uh,
my mother-in-law insisted...

[MAGIC CHIMES]

My mother-in-law has one
terrible habit: Breathing.

[CHUCKLES]

Mr. Stephens,
what's gotten into you?

[MAGIC CHIMES]

My mother-in-law.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

Yes? Yes, he is.

It's Mr. Tate.
He sounds mad.

Tell him... Tell him
I'm not here.

I just told him you were.

Oh.

Uh, hi, Larry. What's up?

What's up? You are.

Look, uh, Larry,

I'm not feeling too well.

I was wondering if
it wouldn't be wiser

for you to carry on alone.

Let me put it this way: No.

I'll give you 30 seconds
to get in here.

Personally, I think
you're making a mistake

keeping Stephens on my account.
He's too flighty.

Insurance is a serious business.

You think Stephens
isn't serious?

I don't have a man in the place

who takes his job
more seriously.

Ah. Sorry I'm late.

Well, how are you, Mr. Jameson?

Well, aside from my bursitis,

which is k*lling me,
not so good.

Can I get you anything?

Uh, a drink of water
to wash these down.

[MAGIC CHIMES]

Drink. Speaking of drinking,

I know a guy who
can really drink.

He comes back
from lunch so loaded,

they make him use
the freight elevator.

If there's a nip in the air,
he even tries to drink that.

[DARRIN LAUGHS]

[MAGIC CHIMES]

Mm. Ah. Just a few jokes
to lighten the occasion.

Boy, have you got
the wrong occasion.

Water, Tate, quick.

Darrin, when was the last time
your doctor gave you a checkup?

I... Not too long ago.

What about your psychiatrist?

[MAGIC CHIMES]

Psychiatrist?

Anyone who goes
to a psychiatrist

ought to have his head examined.

You were right, Darrin.

You're sick.

Take the rest of the day off.

Two friends meet at
a psychiatrist's. One asks,

"Are you coming or going?"
The other one says...

And the other one says,

"If I knew that,
I wouldn't be here."

[LAUGHS]

[GROANS]

[♪]

[DOOR SLAMS]

That was either
an earthquake or Darrin.

DARRIN: Sam!
Or both.

Hi, sweetheart.
What's wrong?

Your mother.

Oh, dear. Did she do
something mean?

[MAGIC CHIMES]

Mean?

Your mother is so mean,
she has a testimonial award

from Attila the Hun.

If you were drowning,
she'd throw you the whole rope.

[MAGIC CHIMES]

Are you beginning
to get the picture?

Mother! This is,
without a doubt,

one of the meanest things
you've ever done to him.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello? Oh, hi, Larry.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Oh? He left the office?

He hasn't come home yet, huh?

W-Well, we had a little
misunderstanding earlier.

I'm sure he'll tell
you about it.

I'm sure he will.

Tell Darrin I've been saving
his neck with Jameson.

I ad-libbed his ideas,
and by some miracle,

the client is still interested.

But I need Darrin's layouts,
and he took them with him.

Tell him he's to bring them
right back to the office.

Right back. Got it.
Bye-bye.

[♪]

Sam, what am I gonna do?

I can't go back to
the office with this...

This affliction.

I'll tell you one thing.

Your mother is
going to pay for this.

I was only trying to give him
a sense of humor

and make things a little
more pleasant around here.

And that is the truth.

Just take the spell off him.

Oh, all right.

There.
Thank you, Mother.

Endora, someday you're
going to go too far,

and it won't be
soon enough for me.

Darrin.

Oh, Sam, call Larry
and tell him I'm just leaving.

And, Endora, if you don't
stay out of my life,

I'm going to call in
an exterminator.

[♪]

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Life isn't just one big joke.

Perhaps not. But he is.

Ooh!

Ugh!

Ooh, you're driving me
out of my tree.

[♪]

[MAGIC CHIMES]

[LAUGHS]

Your view of life
I find quite sick.

This spell will change
What makes you tick.

At serious things
You'll laugh and giggle.

The graver the note
The more it will tickle

[LAUGHS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[♪]

Uh, hi, Mr. Stephens.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Kravitz.
How are things?

Oh, just heard from my sister,
the one in St. Louis,

she's gonna have an operation.

An operation?

[LAUGHING]

What's so funny?

It's just...

Just, ahem,
something I thought of.

What's the matter with you?

Believe me, I'm not
laughing at you.

I'm laughing at myself.
Ha-ha-ha.

Uh. Excuse me, there's something
I forgot in the house.

[♪]

[♪]

Larry, I-I told you,
he left a few minutes ago.

He should be there soon.

[♪]

Unless he gets
held up. Goodbye.

Sweetheart, what's wrong?

She did it to me again.

Mother? What'd she do now?

She's fixed it so that when
I hear something sad, I laugh.

Oh, that's awful.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, you poor thing.

[LAUGHING]

Oh. Oh, Darrin...

Sam, please, stop.
Don't say anything serious.

Just call Larry
back and stall him.

Now, I'm going in the den,
and close the door

so I won't be able
to hear anything.

And if I'm lucky,
I won't be able to think either.

N...
Sam, if you love me,

don't talk to me.

[♪]

[BUZZES]

Yes? Put her on.

It's Stephens' wife.

What's happening, Sam?

Came back home? Why?

Well, uh, Larry,

he was feeling a little bit
under the weather and...

LARRY:
What?!

Larry, you're screaming.

[CHUCKLES]

If you were in
my position, so would you.

Let me ask you something, Sam,
how sick is he?

Well, he really
isn't well at all.

That makes two of us.

Well, okay, Sam, goodbye.

Stephens is very sick.

That makes three of us.

I think I'll go back
to the hotel,

pick up Mrs. Jameson
and take an earlier plane out.

You can't do that.
I beg your pardon?

I-I mean, you made
the trip out from Denver.

It would be such a waste
if you didn't at least...

Why don't I drive you
and Mrs. Jameson to the airport?

Stephens' house is on the way.

We can stop, I'll show
you his layouts.

I thought you said he was sick.

Yes. But I don't think
he's unconscious.

[CHUCKLES]

Mother?

Mother, I'm sure you're here,

because I know how much
you love your work.

Haven't you had enough fun?

[TICKING]

"No. And give my regards
to laughing boy."

Oh, Mother, you're
absolutely heartless.

[TICKING]

"Flatterer."

Oh.
DARRIN: Sam?

Don't say a word.
Just, uh, shake your head.

Do you have anything to report?

Did you contact your mother?

Is she gonna do anything
about this?

I could have answered
that myself.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[♪]

It's Mrs. Kravitz.

I'd better clear out.

With her bad news,
she'd keep me in stitches.

Hi, Mrs. Kravitz.
Hi.

Where's your cup?
Cup?

Don't you wanna
borrow some sugar?

Oh, no. I just stopped by
to ask, how's Mr. Stephens?

I saw him before,

and he acted very, very strange.

He just kept laughing
and laughing.

Well, you know,
they say that laughter

is a sign of health.

Only if there's something
to laugh at.

If you need the name

of a good psychiatrist,
I have one.

I'm sure you do.

Well, I'd better
be running along.

Sam, I've been thinking.

With all these new countries
emerging in Africa,

maybe it'd be a good place
to start an advertising agency.

The weather's mild, and...

Oh, Mrs. Stephens.
I... I forgot something.

Yes, Mrs. Kravitz?

I just remembered.

I could use that cup
of sugar after all.

One cup of sugar, coming up.

Incidentally, did you hear about

the accident over
on Elm last night?

It was a four-car cr*ck-up.

[MUFFLED LAUGHING]

No.

[MUFFLED LAUGHING]

What's that?

What's what?

[MUFFLED LAUGHING] That.

I don't know.

Mice, maybe.

Mice?

And, Mrs. Kravitz, if you wanna
be a good neighbor,

you won't tell a soul.

Oh, you know me.

Uh. W-What about
your sugar?

What about it?

Oh, that.

Oh, well, if you don't mind,
I'll be back later.

Oh, hi.
LARRY: Hello.

Oh, Mrs. Fremont!

Oh, hi, Sam.

Hi, Larry. What are
you doing here?

I'm driving the Jamesons
to the airport,

and I wanted to stop by
and get Darrin's layout.

Mr. and Mrs. Jameson,
Mrs. Stephens.

SAMANTHA & JAMESON:
How do you do?

Unh! Ow!

What was that?

Darrin! What happened?

Ah.
I was just resting.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, how are you,
Mr. Jameson?

I'm sorry we've been
having so much trouble

getting together.

Uh, Darrin, this
is Mrs. Jameson.

Darrin Stephens,
one of my young geniuses.

Erratic, but talented.

How do you do,
Mrs. Jameson?

Well, have you been enjoying
your stay in town?

Not especially. I have
a miserable migraine.

Oh, that's a shame.

[LAUGHING]

Well, I'm glad you think
my migraine's funny.

[LAUGHING]

I don't know what he's got,
but I hope it isn't contagious.

Now, don't get too close,
Martha, he's sick.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]

Oh, my. Ha-ha.

Did you two eat
anything for lunch,

or did you just drink it?

I'm sorry, Larry,

but that neighbor
lady that just left,

well, she is such
a terrible gossip.

And I said to Darrin:

"She certainly has
a keen sense of rumor."

[CHUCKLES]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Yeah, yeah. She's on spiking
terms with everybody.

That is funny.

[LAUGHS]

Well, I guess it is contagious.

Tate, what are we waiting for?

Darrin?

The layouts.
Uh, right.

Please, come in and sit down.

Well, just for a minute.

Tate, we're thinking
of starting a whole new line

of coverage this year.

Pollution insurance.

Yes, that's very interesting.

Insure people against
damage from smog,

water pollution, oil spillage...

[LAUGHING]

Don't tell me you think
pollution is funny too?

No. No, on the contrary,
I think it's deadly serious.

Are you putting us on?

Oh, Larry. Larry,
you guessed it.

Darrin was actually trying
to drive home a point, right?

Right. I guess
I made a wrong turn.

Oh. Ha.

[DARRIN & SAMANTHA LAUGHING]

Well, the point I've been
trying to get across is...

Well, see these layouts?

Hm?

Darrin, what are you doing?

I'm throwing out the old
and bringing in the new.

Mr. Jameson,

I-I feel that Mount Rocky's
approach to the public

is a little too serious.

[LAUGHS]

Insurance is a business

that deals in catastrophe
and disaster.

[DARRIN LAUGHING]

You may ask, why am I laughing?

I'll bite.

Darrin's idea

is to use laughter
as a form of release.

Now, we all know that laughter
is a sign of health.

Mr. Jameson, I don't want
you to miss your plane.

Just a minute,
let's hear him out.

Yes, Darrin, let's hear you out.

What have you got in mind
specifically, Stephens?

Well, uh, specifically...

I'm not prepared to...

Oh, Darrin.
Hm?

Don't be so modest.

I think he had a terrific
idea for a slogan.

What's that, Darrin?

What's that, Sam?

"Put a little laughter
in your disaster."

[LAUGHS]

That is very funny.

Is that sensational?

Do you think so?

What do you think?

Keep going, Stephens.

Keep going, Stephens.

Well, here's another one
I've been kicking around. Uh...

"Keep your mother-in-law
at home,

where most
accidents happen."

[BOTH LAUGH]

That's funny.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, Harold. Stop being
such a wet blanket.

If you'd learn
to laugh a little,

it might help your bursitis.

And even if it didn't help,
it certainly wouldn't hurt.

And besides, I'm sick
of hearing you

complain about your bursitis.

What about you
and your migraine?

Where do you think
I get my migraine?

[SAMANTHA & DARRIN LAUGHING]

SAMANTHA:
Oh, that's cute.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, that reminds me
of an uncle of mine

who's always complaining.

When he gets up,
the first thing he says is,

"Good moaning."

Mrs. Stephens, that's
very funny. Ha-ha.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Her uncle has such a long face,

his barber charges him
double for a shave.

[LAUGHING] Oh, that's so funny.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

I worked for a grouch
like that once.

Before he'd fire you,
he'd give you a raise

so you'd be losing
a better job. Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, Larry...

[ALL LAUGHING]

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

My bursitis is gone.

Oh, that's wonderful,
Mr. Jameson.

Laugh and the world
laughs with you.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[♪]

[♪]

Mrs. Stephens?
Yeah.

Oh, thank you.
And this.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Bye-bye.

Who's that from?

Wait a second.
Let me look.

"Thank you for a most
rewarding afternoon.

Mr. and Mrs. Jameson."

Hm.
Seems to be for me.

"So you'll never forget

the health-giving
quality of laughter."

[♪]

"Put me down for a laugh."

[MAN LAUGHING ON RECORDING]

[LAUGHING]

[♪]

[♪]