05x02 - Double Time

[bunniefuu]

Yes! Evil waffle-iron, you finally make your match.

Your reign of tyranny has finally...

Look, jokes. I mean that's the way I like it.

Breakfast is ready!
Miles, Morgan, Roxie!

Breakfast!

C'mon, people.

Free food.

Fine, have it your way.

I heard crowing.

Is my mother here?

Feds, illegal search and seizure!
Please help me to hide these films!

Sorry, sorry! It was just me practising my barrier call.

Look, I've made us a first day of college life doesn't get any better
than this breakfast.

Look, old McDonald, it was very hard to make sure

my first class doesn't start until .
Good day and good night!

That's funny because I totally had you beg
for a morning person.

Miles, what are you doing?

I made us waffles, and bacon, and eggs.

Do you have any idea where bacon and eggs come from?

Pigs and chicken butts?

Government subsidized farms.

They fed chemicals and hormones.
It's not natural.

Sorry, Sabrina. My body is my temple.

So, you're filling it with secret sugar barms?

It's turning milk purple.

Don't let them bother you, Sabrina.

Your enthusiasm for college is exactly what we need around here.

Thank you, Morgan. At least someone appreciates me.

Put me down for a French toast tomorrow.

Put me down for a year, right?

Well, Foghorn, I guess it's just you and me.

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
S E - Double Time

You know, as sad as I'm about Sabrina beeing off for college

I love having time to feel my life with new meaning.

What do you think about acrylics?

Oh, I like them. But I'm proud if I'll get some.

Watch the dewclaw.

Too bad Zelda is not coping like I am.

For her, the world begins, middles, and ends with Sabrina.

Sabrina, where've I heard that name?

Oh, yes, Audrey Hepburn. Wonderful film.

Knowing Zelda, she will be moping around for weeks.

I got it!
I got it!

You are looking at a new Associate Professor of Quantum Physics.

Yeah, she's a wreck cove.

Where are you gonna be teaching?

Adams College.

Adams College?

Ah, this sounds familiar?

Oh, I know!
That's Sabrina's college.

How pathetic is that?

I know it looks like I took this job to be near

Sabrina but I've always dreamed of being a teacher.

I'm moving on with my life, Hilda. And so should you.

Already way ahead of you.

Really? So, tell me how do you plan to spend your time after the clock shop's gone under.

Oh, please, there aren't many hours in the day.

I'm more productive now that I've ever been.

If you'll excuse me I have to prepare Salem a bath.

Are you insane, woman?

My nails aren't dry.

I can't belive I'm actuall here.

Sabrina Spellman, college student, coed,

independent woman in the world.

I feel celebratory will hook coming on me.

Sabrina, you are a very lucky freshman.

You have at your disposal this school's most knowledgeable tour guide.

Well, until she shows up why don't you give me the tour?

Oh, do you know where the Psychology Building is?

No idea.

What about History?

Got me again.

Do you know where anything is on this campus?

I know that a men swim team has lunch

on a quiet every afternoon.

But you've got to get there early 'cause you could see it's filled out fast.

Don't know where my classes are but I know where I eat lunch.

I can't tell you how excited we are to have you on our faculty, professor.

Yes, that's what you've been doing for the last minutes.

Aunt Zelda?

Oh, Sabrina?
Will you excuse me, gentlemen.

Ha-ha.

Sorry to interupt your little singles mixer but

what's going on here?

Men, you can take the Nobel laureate out of a boy,

- but you can't take the boy...
- No.

I mean what are you doing here?

Please tell, professor is just an exotic nickname you're trying out?

Sabrina, I know how this must look.

Like exactly what it is.

I'm supposed to be embarked on a journey of independent sub discovery

but there is no aunt in independence.

There is an aunt. But that's another story.

Obviously, honey, my new job has nothing to do with you.

Yeah, right here I'm trying to go to college like a regular mortal.

But my other realm aunt thinks I can't handle it on my own.

Well, I've got news for you. I can and I will.

Sabrina!

And while we are at school we don't know each other.
Is that clear, aunt Zelda?

Very clear.

And it's Professor Spellman to you.

Good. And it's

Sabrina to you.

Hey, congratulations of a new job!

Thanks, I'm really excited.

Gotta get one of those book bags of wheels.

Oh, maybe a pack mule.

What's wrong perky?
First day of Sabrina's wonderful life's hitting a brick wall?

No, not at all.
It's very wonderful.

I've only been in college for hours and already I get to read

chapters of Plato, write a -page essay, and catch a small arthropod to disect.

Maybe, I ought to rethink my definition of the word "wonderful".

Hey, college girl. How was the big first day?

Bigger than I expected.

But still wonderful.

Josh, this is my roommate, Roxie.

Hi, Roxie.
Great name.

You know I had this girl at school named Roxie.

I used to call her Foxy Roxie.

And today you're wiping tables for living.
I'm shocked.

Nice to meet you too.

Don't mind her. She's a way a little pranky before...

She's just cranky.

Sabrina, Emerson's having a huge kick-off party tonight.

They've party on Monday night?

This is college. They've parties every night.

After I leave your name at the door.

Oh My Gosh!
Oh My Gosh!

A college party.
I'm so excited.

Whatever will I wear?

I think she was being sarcastic.

Yeah, I got that.

Anyway, you'll be there, right?

I can't.

I've got tons of work to do.

I'm falling for the behind as we speak.

Oh, so what? There's always something to do.

Just have to learn how to juggle your priorities.

Hey, Roxie, could you do something with that music?

Oh, sure.

Actually, by "do something" I meant to turn it off.

And again we are in the mess.

Why were you sticking to pick up a fight?

I'm not fighting. I just can't study with the music on. That's all.

And I can't study with it off.

So, what are we gonna do?

Well, since you woke me up for first class breakfast I think you owe me.

Well, getting to make you lunch I'm being in debt forever.

Hey, you're stuck to those Plato's dialogues too?

Do you have any idea what the first was about?

I'm not sure but if you think the first word

of each paragraph. It makes the sentence.
"Mine enemy goes in green shoes."

Maybe, we should read quietly to ourselves.

For your gastrointestinal pleasure, another delicious Helda Spellman's original recipee.

Guess, what's in it?

I don't care.

Guess, what I like in you, Salem?

You're a culinary adventurer.

So much nicer than a big fat pig.

What an invigorating day!

Feeling eager young minds with the knowledge,

challenging debates. I mean the whole game done

at the T.G.I. Friday's for margaritas and crazy fries.

Oh, I feel so alive.

Hildy, make the big scary lady go away.

Zelda, would you mind taking your self-absorption for a walk?

Hilda, what on Earth are you doing?

Don't tell me you spent your entire day doting on that cat.

I haven't been doting.

I say I gave him a few beauty treatments.

Read to him, cooked for him.

And made a delightfully amusing puppet show.

Listen, Hilda.

Sometimes when a person experiences a loss,

say, a loved one goes away to college.

They project their feelings on someone else.

Say, a worthless cat.

They do this as the way of sublimating anxiety.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

You mouth moves, sound comes out, and yet, nothing.

Okay, I've gone through understanding Plato and understanding understanding Plato.

Now what I need is Plato for dummies.

Oh, better yet. Plato.

Look, Plato, I know you are the foundation of western thought and stuff.

But you seem to be talking in circles.
Can you help me out here?

I wrote this to empress someone I was seeing.

It'd better be Olympics.

A Vestal Virgin.
Yeah, right.

Do you have any nectar?

Greeks, conceive lucky, bad explanations.

Oh, you want an explanation.
It's all about reason.

You've got a power of reason and a couple of drachmas

in your toga. You're sitting pretty.

Ugly enough but helps.

Thanks, Plato.

Okay, that made Plato.
Next step's my -page essay

on Franco-Prussian w*r.

I was just gonna throw this away. The syrop is hard as a rock.

But then I thought it may have some kitschy sentimental value for you.

Do I look like I have time for dishes right now?

I'm overwhelmed with work and it is only my first day.

Relax. Every freshman goes through this.

It's just the college as a way
of getting rid of the weak.
Calling her. Wow!

You've got invited to the Emerson party?

Yeah, but I can't go.

The guy I cheated an Ethics class has a brother who goes to Emerson.

My friend put me and Roxie on the guest list.

But I've got studying to do.

Sabrina...

As a resident adviser,
I must tell you that Adams College

values life experience as much as does the academics.

The last thing that you wanna do is neglect the social arena.

I've got a lot of work to get done.
But I don't think college get mad

on me on not partying enough.

The key here is balance.

It's o'clock. Why don't you go for an hour?

In fact, why I don't go with you?

And then you'll come back fresh, rejuvenated

and ready to att*ck the academics.

You don't think that'll be too distracting?

Sabrina, it's my job to advise you.

What I steer you wrong?

Well, like the college lads like to say:
Party! Party! Party!

I can't believe I've almost missed this.

I know. If you miss the Monday party

there's nothing to talk about
at the Tuesday party.

But then Wednesday. You'll never catch up.

Sabrina!

Hey, finally!

I didn't think we are gonna make it.

Yeah, I have to do some studying before I could got loose.

Oh, I'll go with party first, study later.

Wow! You're an animal. It's already : .

Well, you're not me...

: ?

I've got to do a paper in hours. Gotta go.

Oh, oh! I've just got here!

Sabrina, you can't leave until you introduce me your friend.

Morgan, Josh.
Josh, Morgan. Is everybody happy?

Yeah.

Very.
Lucky freshman's

coming through.

Hey, I can do this.

Just type about that bad w*r and we are in business.

No problem.
Morgan was right.

I just feel refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to att*ck...

Sabrina?

Sabrina!

What's going on?
Am I finished?

I didn't wanna wake you. But drool tends to short your keyboard.

Oh, I'm glad you did.
I've a paper due...

in minutes.

All I've done is typed my name.

Sardina Smellman?

It's getting near.

Focus.

Okay, you can do this.

No, I can't.

Oh, I can't zap a paper. That would be cheating.

But maybe I can use a magical pick me up.

Faster, speedy, quick.

Glad you're here.
Maybe, you can roll me over.

I wanna get that source.

Salem, what happend to you?

I've got life.
La dolce vita, baby!

Apparently, the life doesn't come in a low-fat version.

I think I can read well.

I don't think you can even be carried out of this room.

Okay, here's something about a double-time spell.

It helps you get your work done twice as fast.

Speaking of fast.
I ordered fry minutes ago.

Hilda!

Shhh, quiet. I don't want them to think I can't handle college

because I can.

It's just the social and the academic part I'm having trouble with.

Okay, here it goes.

Step lively, step quick, make me move lightning slip.

Gentlemen, start your engine.

Save and print.

I could choose a listing faster. C'mon.

Excellent! And I still have seconds to get to class.

Of course, Professor Flanagan. I'd love to discuss your theories.

And just don't think the travelogies are in a proper environment.

That blur looks strange and familiar.

Alright, half a pound hand-ground organic dark-roasted brew.

You're a life saver, Josh. I looked all over town for this.

Well, there were only once.

Unfortuantely, most people aren't that picky about what they drink.

Well, Salem is not most people.

Isn't Salem a cat?

Your point being...

No, I just think it's a little weird to buy a gourmet coffee for a cat.

Any weirder than a tall brown man in a little red apron

grinding roasted seeds. So, strangers can catch a bus.

Don't judge me, bean boy!

The blur looks strange and familiar.

Oh, Sabrina, you startled me. I didn't see you come in.

What do you want me to do?

Oh, I hate to ask but the bathrooms could use a good one sober.

Hey, what do you think about the party last night?

I though it was by far the most amazing party...

Done.

Also amazing. Well, I just must observe zone down there for a minute.

I'm going on my break.
Can you cover for me?

Anything else?

Sabrina, there're dozen people here waiting for...

I had a little down time, so I polished the espresso machine.

Well, I guess if you wanna cut out early then...

Man, what a gift to be again!

Sorry, I'm late. It took forever to find the beans.

And bad news.
The video store was out of "Space Balls".

Quit murmuring, start cooking and get some

quotes on the double wide litter bags.

Alright, this has gone far enough.

Sorry, Zelly, I can't talk right now.
I don't want Salem to get mad.

You don't wanna make Salem mad?

If you don't leave immediately I'll be forced to set on you!

What you need is a healthy doze of reality.

What did you do that for?

Uhm, lemony?

How can't you realize that you displaced your emotions

for Sabrina onto Salem?

And that he is taking a horrible, horrible advantage of you.

You're right. What's become of me?
I don't even like being

in the same room with him. Today I fostered by hospice.

Try finding something to fill

the void left by Sabrina.

Something that you're passionate about.

That's legal in the state of Massachusetts.

Step easy, step slow, make me stop this go-go-go.

Great spell. But tough on a high tops.

Little help for a bloated feline.

Okay, I had the most amazing date.

I partied till AM, still managed to finish my paper,

do all my reading for the week, work, go to gym.

I think I got a perfect spell.

What's with slow and mow?

Miles?
Miles, what's wrong with you?

Good morning.

I'm late for class.

You haven't been in class yet?

Roxie, you're just goofing around, right?

You didn't do that double time spell, did ya?

Of course, I did it. You were sprawled on the bed when I did it.

Sabrina, where do you think the extra time comes from?

You sucked it right out of them.

Why couldn't I sucked it from something useless

like a spleen or a pounds of fat cat?

I've got to try to get them back to normal.

It's not working.

Oh, no! If they don't get to class then it'll be an academic probation.

It's all my fault.

Morgan.
I can explain.

If you can explain that top with those pants,

you're a better woman than I am.

Stupid, stupid spell.

I gotta find the way to speed them up.

I'm officially out of ideas.

I've got one. Call your aunt Zelda and have her

get you out of this mess.

I can't. I told her I didn't need her help.

Told I can handle everything on my own.

To quote the great philosopher Rene Descartes:

"Liar, liar, pants on fire".

- So, if take A to be the atomic mass...
- What if A is unknown?

So now you want my help.

That's kind of what I looked for in a teacher.

I thought you could handle everything on your own.

I admit I have a cocky side.

But I've never said I knew everything.

Alright, apology accepted.

Thanks. Shall I be more careful next time?

I think I put too much supersonic tonic in that last fadge.

Two drops of vital fire should bring them back to normal.

Quick! I think they're carving out the floor.

Have you done anything between Road Runner and Nurtle the Turtle?

Time spells can be incredibly complicated.

They require very precise measurements.

This could take days.

I don't have days.
By then they'll be...

Right where they are now.

Why don't you always make such a production of everything?

A small sip of espresso and a little magical punch of a heart.

Usually does the trick.

What's going on?
How do I get out here?

Who are you people? Staring out

for probing.

I can explain everything.

Which one do you like better?
Overslept or alarm clock didng' go off?

- Both classics.
- Can't go wrong in either way.

Oh My God! I overslept!

Ah! My alarm clock didn't go off.

I thought I split the difference.

Nice touch.

Outta my way. I've got paper to turn in.

Wait your turn, alien prank. I just overslept my future.

Maybe, I could use a little magic to help them with their late assignments.

No need. I'm sure I can work some my own magic on the professors.

And I won't have to point.

Thank you guys for helping me out...

And for getting me out this mess...

And for not loading much.

My! You've only been to college for days.
It takes a while to learn how to balance your time.

She speaks from experience.

And I have to admit,
it's nice to know you have no problem with your aunties.

Well, at first I was a little annoyed
when you got a job at the university.

But now I'm glad you to be so close-by.

- Were you real mean that?
- Yeah!

Well, then you'll be doubly glad.

Why? You didn't get a job there too, did you?

I think you both at school might force me to join the army.

No, I didn't get a job at school.

I bought the coffee house!

I'll see you at work!

Maybe, I should do in the navy. I do look better in blue.

: . All study's ended up.
And lots of places to go.

Guess what? I finished all my work. I understood at least half of it.
And now I'm free to party wity you.

Great! Put up your streamers, take a chair and watch me to do

logarithms. The first day took us? hours in the morning.

Just to clear this whoo-hoo.
It's... whoo-hoo!

Have fun at the party.

Oh, I wasn't invited to a party.

I was just trying to find some fun to do.

Hey, what's more fun than logarithms?

A wild one, Spellman.

La dolce vita, baby.