05x21 - Sabrina's Got Spirit

[bunniefuu]

Oh, good, I caught you!

Do I smell poi?

I'm making some Hawaiian munchies
for our luau tonight.

Tonight? Sabrina, it's the Other Realm
independence weekend.

Hilda and Zelda have already lef.

I'm not going.
I'm tired of the crowds,

exploding quasers
are the same every year

and there's always a traffic jam
at the event's horizon.

But I need you to film
the fireworks for me.

I'd do it myself
if I weren't a cato non grato.

Sorry, Salem, but my roommates and I
have organized the whole thing.

We even put
a down payment on a pig

and once you've ordered a pig
together, there's no turning back.

Well, if this damn luau is so important,
how about I stick around and film it for you?

My new mini-cam
can do all sorts of effects.

So can I. Do you prefer a dissolve,
or a switch-pan or a smash-cut?

You wouldn't.

How about the classic
fade out?

Very funny,
your regular Alfred Witchcock.

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
S E - Sabrina's Got Spirit

Subtitles:
Sara Garcia

sh**t!

I hope that's a raisin.

Aloha, luau central!
Oh, hi, Rox!

No, I've never bought
puka shells before.

Fine, I'll help you sh**t the pukas.

Oh my god!
The microwave!

What about it?

It was floating!

Really? I didn't know
it came with that option!

No indication of a power surge.
The cord looks fine.

How can a microwave float?

And more importantly,
how can it cook a whole salmon

in under seconds?
This things are wild!

I'm serious, Sabrina!
We just experienced a supernatural

phenomenon for which
we have no logical explanation.

Maybe we have a ghost.

A ghost? Wow!
I always wanted to hunt a ghost.

You know, I hear they're easy to bag,
but hard to strap to the hood.

Finally, my chance to go
mano a mano with a supernatural being.

Well, if anyone can frighten
a ghost, it's you!

So, how are your coconuts?

Well, firm, yet
surprisingly comfortable.

I'm so happy you came.

Oh, Josh! This is a surprise!

I'm so glad you could make it.

Hey, roast a pig
and I'm there.

Sabrina, what is
my ex-boyfriend doing here?

Um, he's my friend?
And, besides, you said it was ok!

I must have been tweezing
or waxing at the time.

You know that
you can't talk to me then!

Hi, who are you?

What do you mean by that?

Let me put this another way:
who invited you?

Stop cueing me,
who are you, the CIA?

Miles, your friend is here!

Garth, you made it!
Sabrina, this is Garth.

Hi, nice to meet you.
What's in the bag?

It's an Ectoplex
energy detector.

Can it detect when
we're on a dip?

I don't know, I'll check.

That was a joke.

After the flying microwave accident,
I asked for Garth's help.

The Ectoplex zeroes in
on paranormal energy fields

and supernatural phenomena.

Wel, that dump as hell goes nicely
with the whole hawaiian theme.

It will solve the mistery
that is going on in this house.

Find out if there are any poltergeist,
witches, extraterrestrial...

Witches?

Yeah, it's just clicks of
the dial from dopplegangers.

There's definitely something
not normal in this house.

You think?
I gotta go strengthen my point.

What a fantastic evening!

There's nothing better
for the ego than seeing

your ex-boyfriend tripping
over his grass skirt.

I can't believe nobody touched my poi,
although my coconuts were a big hit.

I checked all the
bedrooms and the closets,

And, Morgan, while you have
an interesting slash on hosiery,

I detect no supernatural activity.

You went looking for poltergeist
in my underwear drawer?

For your own protection!

Ok, playtime is over.
Put down the toy and start drying.

Wow! Major paranormal
activity in the kitchen!

Come on, Miles, that's just a
black Frisbee on a stick!

The thing obviously,
doesn't work right.

I mean,
it's going haywire!

That's because, according to the gage
it's close to the abnormality.

There's nothing abnormal about Sabrina!
Point it at Roxie.

Maybe Morgan is
the one who's not normal?

I'm getting nothing
from you either.

Oh, trust me, you never will.

This, this is creepy.

Ok. You know, Miles, if
you turn it off, I'll explain everything.

I don't know how to tell you guys this,
but, I'm... psychic.

Are you kidding? Half the time
you cannot find your own keys!

This has nothing to do
with being psychic.

There's a supernatural presence
here, and I'm guessing it needs

a human host to survive.
Or, in your case, hostess.

So, what are you saying?
That there's some paranormal

parasite leeching off Sabrina?

Exactly! But don't worry,
Sabrina, whatever this

other-worldly thing is,
I'm going to expose it, annihilate it

and blast out of this house forever.

That's so sweet! You know,
don't go to any trouble on my account.

Salem, I'm in serious trouble.
Miles has got his hands on

some paranormal energy detector
and he keeps pointing it at me!

Relax! Most of those
detectors are a joke.

There's only one
that really works.

- The Ectoplex ?
- That's the one.

It keeps going bezerk around me.
What am I going to do?

I mean, besides getting
exposed and vaporized?

I knew this day would come.
Sabrina, it's time for the talk.

Most girls get it from their mothers,
I get it from the cat.

Mortals with Ectoplex machines
are only interested in one thing.

You need to use protection.

Protection?

An anti-detection force field.

You can get it in the
Outer Realm drug store,

aisle , and don't let
the clerk intimidate you.

Ok, got my anti-detection force field.

To remove childproof cap
line and arrow,

squeeze, twist,
push down and...

I knew I should have
gotten the roll-on.

Here goes!

Tingly! Now it's time to give
that Ectoplex a plex!

Ok, if I were a paranoid
conspiracy nut hunting a ghost,

where would I hide
my detector?

Bingo!

This force field is perfect!

From paranormal to normal
in just one easy spritz.

Eh, looks like we have
a squatter in the ceiling.

Put that thing down!

Who said that?
You're not scaring me!

Ok, maybe just a little.

Who are you and
what are you doing in my living room?

Your living room?
I lived in this house for years,

and I've been here for .

So that would make you...

Dead. But still
alive way.

So, you're a ghost.

Excuse me!
I find that uncomfortable!

Sorry!
You should be.

If you hadn't used
your stupid magic

nobody would have been
looking for spirits,

and I could be floating around
in my underwear, watching the Celtics game.

How was I supposed to know
that there was a ghost here?

It's not like the housing ad
said three, plus two / , plus ghost.

All I know is that your friends
want to take somebody down.

There's not enough space for both of us,
so mark my words, missy!

If anyone gets blasted
out of here, it's you.

Whatever happened to the
concept of the "friendly ghost"?

Urban legend!

Listen up, and listen good, ghost.
I can't get blasted out of here.

All right, this is the only
good house left near the campus.

Wait a minute,
what am I worried about?

I have a forcefield
and roommates that like me.

Hey guys!

Oh, you're here.

We were just leaving.

No, no, no, wait, you don't have to go.
Everything's fine.

Whatever was making this machine
go up before, it's gone.

Look, see, huh?
Nothing.

Thank goodness!

I guess I should call that breeder
and cancel that Doberman.

And I can stop sleeping
with garlic and a cross.

You've got mail.

What are you doing?

I'm getting into impro.
I'm going to star in a one-woman show.

I'm going to call it
"Insane person opens mail".

Oh, I get the insane part.

What's with you, Spellman?

Nothing! I'm just going to put this here,
for safe-keeping.

You know, I...
need a soda.

On second thought,
water sounds really good.

I can't believe I'm going to say this,
but Miles is right,

there's something very weird
going on with you.

No, no, no, it's not!
Wait, who are you going to believe,

a cooc like Miles, or the most
level-headed person in this house?

Never buy hair conditioner
in a garage sale.

Paranormal extermination.

Here's one: "Gary's
Unwanted Energy Removal",

licensed and bonded in both realms.
Perfect.

Gary at your service.
What seems to be the phenomenon?

Got a ghost, Gary, and if I don't
get rid of him, I'll be

thrown out of this house and lose
the two best friends I've ever had.

Oh yeah. Aha. You've definitely
got yourself a ghost.

But don't worry,
you're in good hands with Gary.

At least you will be when
I come back Monday morning.

No, what are you talking about?
I need an exterminator now!

I'd love to help you out,
but it's the Other Realm's independence weekend!

Fireworks start in hours.
Family is waiting for me.

It's little Gary's st big bang.

Forget about little Gary,
what about me?

All right, ok!
Here's what I can do for you.

A kazoo? How is this gonna
help me to get rid of the ghost?

It won't, but I've always found
that in stressful times,

funny music can be
very therapeutic.

Hey, he's right,
this is kind of soothing.

Obviously you're not
a big fan of funny music.

Hey, Sabrina!

Hey guys! What's that?

Your salvation. This is the
E.X.T. paranormal ion eliminator.

With turbo.

Whatever is leaving inside you
it's going to get blasted to smithereens.

According to the manual,
you might feel a slight pinch.

Oh, well, as much as I want to be saved,
I think it can wait until Monday.

It'll only take a second.

She blew up the ion eliminator!

What kind of all powerful
supernatural force are we dealing with?

One that can
give us a nice tan.

Sabrina, you're brighter than
the core of a refinery!

But I don't want you to panic.
It's my job. Let's get out of here.

I think I feel that pinch
you were talking about!

That was me.

Now they are afraid of me
and I don't know what to do.

Are you even listening
to me, Salem?

You're talking on
the phone with your cat?

It's my uncle Salem.
Give my best to aunt Newport.

What are you wearing?

Anti-contamination gear.
We felt the situation wanted it.

We?

Aren't they darling?

Yeah, real cute.

Stand back. This suits
are guaranteed against

nuclear spells, not you.

Ok, this is ridiculous.

I'm the same Sabrina
I always was,

your roommate, your friend.

We pulled all nighters together.
We just had a luau, remember?

I made the poi, Miles you peeled
the papayas, Roxie you filled the pig,

Morgan...
you supervised.

We're friend with Sabrina, not the
evil spirit that dwells within her.

So, what's the deal?

Are you some kind
of goblin thingy

or an alien life form
trying to colonize Earth?

Is that why you
lend me your red sweater?

To collect my human DNA?

I never lent you my red sweater.

I withdraw the question!

What are you guys
going to do?

Wear those suits
whenever you're around me?

Thi is only a
stopgap measure.

- Until your cage arrives.
- What cage?

The one we'll put you in
until your bubble's built up.

I'm not living in a bubble!

Yet. In the meantime,
I've contacted a prominent

paranormal researcher
who's interested in meeting you

and perhaps dissect you.

I'm not a frog.

Can you prove that?

Ok, you know what? You guys
don't have to worry about being

contaminated anymore.
I think it would be better

for all of us if I just
moved back in with my aunts.

We still get
to keep the outfits, right?

Hey, Sabrina,
that luau rocked.

I'll tell you, there's nothing better
for the ego than seeing

ex-girlfriend jealous of
how great you look in a grass skirt.

That's great, Josh.

What's wrong? You don't
seem like yourself today.

You're not the first
person to say that.

Anything you want to talk about?

It wouldn't do any good.
There's somebody living in my house

who says that's
not big enough for both of us.

I hear you.
Morgan can be really selfish.

It's not Morgan and
who it is doesn't matter.

The point is, if I don't
figure out a way to deal with this,

I might never
live in that house again.

Well, Roxie is
a tough nut to cr*ck.

Why don't you just
sit her down and have a heart to heart?

It's not Roxie, and
I have a feeling that the person

I have a problem with
really isn't into heart to hearts.

Maybe the of you could discuss
your feelings, I'm sure

you can come to an
understanding with Miles.

Will you stop guessing?

I have to stop,
I just run out of roommates.

This person is impossible.
I tried to work it out,

but there's so much hostility
I'm dealing here with.

I'm not a psychologist,
but anybody that angry probably

has unresolved issues.

Unresolved issues,
there's a thought. Thanks, Josh!

Just tell me one thing.

Is this new roommate
male or feemale?

Well, he used to be a male.

He's got a lot of
unresolved issues.

Ok, Mr. Ghost,
we need to talk.

I'm indisposed!
And the name is Marv!

Well, when you've finished up
I'd like to have a word with you.

What do you want?

Marv, you know,
I don't mean to sound critical,

but you seem to have
a lot of pent-up frustration here

and I'm just wondering,
what happened to make you so hostile?

Well, if you must know,
I lost my wife.

I'm sorry. She d*ed?

No, I d*ed, stupid.
Keep up!

Oh, so she's still alive.

Yes. That's why I keep hanging on
out here, hoping that Betty

will get nostalgic for our life
together and come back.

So that's all that you want,
to see your wife again?

And to give her
the present I made for her.

It's been collecting dust
up in the attic for years.

Let me ask you something.
What if I found Betty,

brought her here
and gave her your gift?

I'd be eternally grateful!

Grateful enough
to leave this place forever?

Yes. The paranoid kid
with the ukulele is driving me crazy.

I bet this house brings
back memories for you.

What a dump!

Well, we find it quaint!
I mean, sure the molding's crooked

the windows stick and,
you know, there's a few leaky fixtures.

That's Marv for you,
thought he could fix everything himself.

He was all thumbs.

Well he kept the thumbs as they were.
And look what he built with those little chubby things.

I found this in the attic
and I think it belongs to you.

Looks like Marv's handiwork.
Painstakingly crafted with Popsicle sticks and gum.

Well, you know, it's not easy to make a
jewelry box without right angles.

Plus, it's the thought that counts.

What in the world? .
shares of the Microsoft Corporation.

Are they the baby powder people?

They're the people
who just made you rich!

I can't believe it.

Marv never picked a winner
the whole time we were married.

He picked you!

Thanks, doll. But don't think
you're getting your hands in any of my money.

Yeah, well, nice
meeting you too, Betty.

Now I know why
he loved you so much.

Thank you, Sabrina! I can't tell you
how good it was to see her again.

Isn't she an angel?

Ok.

Oh, well. A deal is a deal.
I guess I'll be moving on.

Wait a minute.
I need you to help me

fix things with my rommates.

I mean, they think I'm
some sort of supernatural freak.

Right. I have an idea!
What if they all had supernatural powers?

Then we could write
a comic book about them.

Oh, the living.
You guys k*ll me!

All right, everybody is home.
You ready to wreak some havoc?

My specialty.

I miss Sabrina, but it is nice
to have the house back to normal.

Anyone wanna split
a pig-salad sandwich?

I take back
what I said about normal!

Roxie, don't move!

I'm the only one
in the kitchen, right?

Yeah, except
the spirit possessing you!

Hey, I was going
to win that game!

It looks like
you're possessed too.

All you women are
freaks of nature! I knew it!

And I like it!

This is not good.

I have a very
sensitive inner ear!

Well. Looks like
my work here is done.

It's been a pleasure haunting you.

Thanks, Marv. You know, just
out of curiosity, were are you off to?

I have to see a man
about a bright light

right after I make a pit-stop.

Hey guys, what's going on?

We're getting out of here!
Grab all you can carry.

It turns out it wasn't just you.
The whole house is possessed.

And unlike
scantily clad teenagers

slasher movies,
we know when to leave.

My aunt Zelda explained
why all these strange things

have been happening.

She said it's due to
massive solar flares,

misalignment of the planets
and some inflamed asteroids.

So you're saying that there's
a rare celestial convention

that has disrupted
the magnetic field?

Exactly! And it's not going to
happen again for like another gazillion years.

So, it's going to be over soon
and we don't have to leave here?

That's right.

Oh, thank goodness! I was dreading
the thought of packing all my skin-care products.

I might as well
give this back to Garth.

I've got to say
I'm a little disappointed.

I was really hoping
to finally encounter

a supernatural entity.
I'm beginning to think

that it's never
going to happen.

Don't despair, Miles.
You know, I'll be willing to bet

you're closer
than you think.

Hey. I'm Gary, and
I'm here to flush out your ghost.

Unfortunately,
we never had a ghost.

Wow, that's a great rig you
got there, Gary. Where did you get it?

The Other Realm.

The Other Realm?
That's code for a

covert CIA operation
in Central America, isn't it?

Oh geez. You're not from
the Other Realm, are you?

No, but I'm
ready to sign up!

Don't call us,
we'll call you.

What do you know?