08x14 - Adam, Warlock or Washout

[bunniefuu]

Hi. This is
Elizabeth Montgomery,

inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.

[♪]

How do you like your
French toast, Daddy?

Before you answer,
guess who made it.

Tabitha made it.

Who asked you to tell?

It's very good.

I didn't even know
you could speak French.

What time is your golf date?

Oh, no special time.

Larry's in Chicago,

so our regular foursome
isn't playing today.

I have an idea.

Why don't you stay home

and spend the day
with this foursome?

I might just do that.

More milk, Mommy.

Oh, how about that?

He wants to drink
to your staying home.

Mmm. Tabitha,
it's delicious.

Thank you, Daddy.

[♪]

Emergency.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get that. You get the milk.

Hmm, got to put peanut butter
on the shopping list.

Yes, Mother?

What is Durwood doing here?

If you're referring to Darrin,
he lives here.

Ah, ah, ah.

Don't be impertinent.
It was you who suggested

that the testing committee
come on a Saturday

because that's when
It plays golf.

Well, this is
the wrong Saturday.

He isn't playing today.

Samantha, as chairman
of the committee,

I can't keep stalling
the other members.

Mother, don't put your foot
on that tomato.

You'll give it a soft spot,
and they're sky high these days.

Oh, now you're trying
to stall me.

The witches' council
has already asked me

why you're so reluctant
to have Adam's power shown.

Well...

Well, if you put it off
another time,

you might as well
come right out and admit

that so far he hasn't shown
the least talent for witchcraft.

But he's just a baby.

Oh, Samantha,
why pretend with me?

At his age, Tabitha was doing
all manner of witchcraft.

Now, you get rid of Durwood.

I'm not sure I can.

You'd better try.

You're aware that your father

is going to be here for
the test? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I think I'll try and get Dur...

Uh, Darrin, out of the house.

Here, Mother, have an apple.

It'll keep
the witch doctor away.

[♪]

ANNOUNCER:

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Who was at the door?

Oh, one of those survey people.

Sort of a testing poll.
I got rid of her.

Well, Tabitha,
if you are through,

why don't you take Adam upstairs

and get him dressed?

And then you two can run out
on the patio and play.

Okay, Mommy.
Come on, Adam.

Your room is messy, Tabitha.

Uh...

Sweetheart, I've been thinking.

Maybe you ought to
play golf today.

But you just talked me
into spending the day at home.

Well... Uh,

now I-I'd like to talk you
into playing golf.

Why?

Because you enjoy it,

because the exercise
is good for you,

because I want you to be happy.

ENDORA: This dialogue
is utterly depressing.

Endora, would you mind knocking
before you pop in?

I thought you were on your way
to play a set of golf.

It's a round of golf.
A set of tennis.

Oh, what a stimulating
revelation.

Sam, what's going on?

Darrin, trust me.

Go and play golf.

You know you like to play golf.

I like to play golf
when I like to play golf,

and I want to know
what's going on.

Well, if I tell you,
you'd just get angry.

I can't get angry, I already am.

Darrin, if you love me,

you'll go play golf.

If he loved you,
he'd never come back.

Endora, why don't you go play
with your snakes?

[HISSES]

[FLUTE PLAYING
ARABESQUE MELODY]

What on Earth is that?

It's nothing on Earth.

It's your father
announcing his arrival.

I'm gonna go play golf.

Thanks.

[♪]

[ARABESQUE MUSIC CONTINUES]

Girls!

"She walks in beauty,
like the night

of cloudless climes
and starry skies.

And all that's best
of dark and bright.

Meet in her aspect
and her eyes."

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

You and Byron
say the cutest things.

Maurice, this exhibition
is absurd,

childishly flamboyant,
and pathetically egomaniacal.

Thank you, Endora.
Your charm is ageless.

So sad about the rest of you.

[♪]

Tinkerbell, park the litter.

When is the rest
of the committee arriving?

Well, uh, D-Daddy,
I'm not sure,

and I know how you hate
to wait around,

so it's all right
if you want to leave.

What? And miss my grandson's
coming of age?

Not on your life.

Of course, he's going to pass
with flying colors, isn't he?

Well, it all depends
on what they ask him to do.

Where is the lad?

Well, he's upstairs
getting dressed, Daddy,

but I haven't had a chance to...

A little advance testing
wouldn't hurt, would it?

Uh, but...
But, Daddy...

[♪]

Oh, dear.

Hello, Grandpapa.
Tabitha!

How is my little princess?

Fine.

I can always tell your voice,
Grandpapa.

Yes, people say
it has a unique quality.

And it's so loud too.

[LAUGHS SCORNFULLY]

That reminds me,

someday we must fly north
to see the seals.

[LAUGHS]

[♪]

Now then, I've got something
for you to hear. Listen.

Listen very carefully.
What do your hear, Adam?

Is it the roar of the sea?

Do you hear the roar of the sea?

Yes. All right.

Now, I've got another
little game for you.

Look, you see this little fella?

See him?

Now, I want you to go
over there.

That's it.

Now, I want you to make him
come to you.

[TOY DOG BARKS]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, no, no, no, no, Adam.
That's the lazy way.

[♪]

I want you to do it like this.

[MAURICE LAUGHS]

Now, you can do that, can't you?

No, Grandpa.

Good grief.

Don't tell me
my grandson's powers

have been temporarily frustrated

by his unfortunate lineage.

However, nothing so serious
that Grandpapa cannot fix.

Oh, spirits on high,
I bid ye now,

this child of woe you must endow

with powers befitting
my descendant

and I will act as
superintendent.

Now, Adam, shall we go
for a short flight?

Ohh!

Bravo! Bravo!

[♪]

Rasputin.

Thank you, Rasputin.
You may leave now.

Hello, darling.
Good to see you.

Hello, my dear.
Nice to see you.

Enchanted, Samantha.

GRIMALDA: Now, where
is the little warlock?

Right here, ladies.

Oh!
Oh!

How enchanting.
How adorable.

ENCHANTRA:
How sweet.

Grimalda, you look ravishing.

Enchantra,

how do you keep
your girlish figure?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, Maurice, you're certainly
a hit with the ladies...

of the geriatric set.

What a comfort to know
you still care.

Now, stop it, you two.
I'm nervous enough.

Let's prepare the room.

[♪]

Please take your places.

Come, Adam. Come on.

Daddy!

Rest easy, my dear.

Adam was a little sluggish
at first,

but I gave him a few pointers.

Pointers?
What do you mean?

It's going to work out
all right.

[FORCED LAUGH]

We shall begin
with simple levitation.

Enchantra.

See the ball.
The ball is red.

Make the red ball fly to you.

Go ahead, dear. Try.

No coaching, please.

Go ahead, dear. Try.

I can't.

[BOTH GASP]

[BOTH]
He can't! Oh, dear!

I thought you said everything
was going to work out.

It will.

The problem is you're testing
him on too elementary a level.

Remember, he's my grandson.

And mine.

Well, he can't help that.

Ask the lad to fly, for example.

Fly?

He can't.
He's too young.

It's unheard of.

For ordinary warlocks, yes,
but not for my grandson.

I wish I knew
what you were up to.

"Oh, ye of little faith."

Proceed.

As you wish.

[♪]

Do you want to try to fly?

Okay.

Hi, Mommy.

Hi, Mommy.

Hi, Mommy.

I... I can't
believe it.

Neither can I.

Well, now that that's settled,
I suppose we can adjourn.

I second the motion.
Ladies, I'd love to stay,

but I have to referee
a flying-fish race

on the road to Mandalay.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So as Caesar said to Antony,

"Fare thee well.

"The elements be kind to thee

"and make thy spirits

all of comfort."

Mommy, where is Daddy?

He's playing golf.

I wish Daddy was here.

[♪]

Where did he go?

Where did who go?

Oh, my stars!

Sam, I demand to know
what's going on here.

Uh, sweetheart...

SAMANTHA:
It's Adam.

Well, he had a sudden att*ck
of wish-craft.

He wished you were here,
and here you are.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

[♪]

Since when did he start doing
any kind of craft,

wish or otherwise?

And who are those old...

[BOTH GASP]

Watch it!

It's something I thought
you'd be happier not knowing.

But, if you insist,
I'll fill you in.

I want to apologize
for all this.

It's just disgraceful.

Oh, yes, it is.
Absolutely.

I've never been treated like
this before in my entire life.

[♪]

You've got to be kidding.

Sweetheart, you don't know
how lucky we are.

When I come home and find
the house full of witches

I don't consider it lucky.

When you are married to a witch,

that's always
a possibility, isn't it?

I mean, it sort of goes
with the territory.

Yes, but the territory
has boundaries,

and as far as I'm concerned,

what's going on out there
is off-limits.

I want those old biddies
out of this house.

Here.
Well, oh!

[♪]

Mama.
Want to see me fly, Daddy?

See him fl...

Adam, I want you to go upstairs
to your room and play.

Adam!

Sweetheart, I think Daddy would
like it if you used the stairs.

Okay.

[♪]

Come on.

Zip on up there,
and I'll be up in a while.

Go on. There you go.

Something's going on
here, anyway.

We have to wait and wait...

[WITCHES MURMURING]

Ladies.

We simply can't.
It's ridiculous.

I know you have
other places to go.

Let me get your brooms.

Don't worry, Durwood.

We're leaving as soon
as we announce our decision.

What decision?

Since it's quite obvious
that Adam is a warlock

of incredible genius,

it is our opinion that he
requires special handling.

Therefore, we have decided
to remove him

from this dubious environment.

Oh, brother!

That's ridiculous.

There is no need to get
hysterical, Durwood.

We're not talking about
removing Adam permanently.

No, only for 20 or 30 years.

Sam, you better do something,

or I'll do something
I'll live to regret.

If I live.

I protest.

On what grounds?

[♪]

You tested Adam to make sure
that a mixed marriage

would not affect his powers.

Well, the results
should satisfy everyone.

Yes, but that was
before we discovered

what a prodigy he is.

Adam leaves this house
over my dead body.

The notion is tempting
but hardly necessary.

This is Adam's home,
and this is where he stays.

Young man, will you kindly
stop barking at us?

I will not stop.

I am Adam's father, and he's
going to be educated as...

[BARKING]

Oh, dear.

[BARKING]

Well, they did warn you.

It is time for us
to take our leave now.

Kindly get the boy.

May I be permitted
to say something?

No.

Not now.

Just two words?

Very well.

Daddy, help!

What's the trouble, my dear?

Daddy, they want to take Adam.

Take him?
Take him where?

As you know,
the child's a prodigy,

and the committee has decided
that he needs special care.

Special training.

Ridiculous.

[BARKING]

Who asked for your opinion?

Maurice, you saw the child fly.

You must admit, flying
at Adam's age is incredible.

[♪]

Ladies, what you don't
understand

is that Adam was only able
to accomplish that miracle

because of my presence.

The truth is, he has no power
of witchcraft whatsoever.

None whatsoever?

Then how do you explain...

I gave him a little help.

[BOTH GASP]

If the child
is completely mortal,

that leaves us
with no alternative.

None whatsoever.

The marriage must be dissolved.

[♪]

See? Every cloud
has a silver lining.

[BARKING]

Enchantra...

If Darrin promises
to restrain himself,

will you please
restore his voice?

As you wish.

Sam, tell me this is all
a nightmare.

Daddy, don't let them.

I don't want
my marriage dissolved.

Just calm down, my dear.

Ladies, as I once said
to Will Shakespeare,

and later gave him
permission to quote me,

"The quality of mercy
is not strained...

Hold it.

What has that to do
with what we're discussing?

Nothing, but now I have
your attention.

Let me tell you
what I think the problem is.

This child is being brought up
in an atmosphere

that has inhibited the growth
of his witchcraft.

You see, Samantha's husband,

that mortal lamebrain,

absolutely forbids the use
of witchcraft in this house.

No!
Yes.

No!
Yes.

No!

Why do you keep saying no
when I tell you yes?

Now, Samantha, my dear,
you are the child's mother.

It is up to you to provide
a fertile ground

for his natural growth.

Try that,
and Adam may surprise you.

I hope so.

Now, Sam, just a minute.
I have something to say...

Silence!

Adam!

Come over here, Adam.
That's right.

Give me the shell.

Shell into bell,
Bell into shell,

At knell of bell,
Be gone, oh spell.

[BELL RINGING]

Now, the little rascal's
on his own.

Sweetheart, maybe if I explain
something to you

in mortal terms,
then you might understand.

Now, if Adam had
an innate talent for,

uh, music, say,

and we forbade him to use it,

well, that would
not only be unfair,

but it could be harmful.

Witchcraft is a talent too.

Well, now, isn't that logical?

If you're married to a witch,
I guess it's logical.

Adam, watch the shell.
Turn around.

Now, watch this.

Here it comes.

Look at that.

Oh, now, I'm gonna
send it back, okay?

Now, you watch.

Back onto the table.
There.

Oh, boy.

One more time, watch!

Here it comes. Oh, wow.

Now you try it.

[♪]

It's okay.

SAMANTHA: There it goes.
It goes, oh, it's...

Oh!

He did it.
He did it.

That's wonderful.
Just wonderful.

Mine you are, grandson!

Bravo, Adam. Bravo!

Isn't that terrific?

Yeah. But the way
you're all carrying on,

you'd think he'd just
taken his first step.

But, sweetheart,
that's exactly what he did.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[♪]

Bye, Samantha.
Goodbye, Maurice.

Au revoir, au revoir.

Bye-bye.
Au revoir.

Very well,
Rasputin. Home!

[♪]

Well, thank goodness
that's over.

Two down and two to go.

I'm thirsty.

Bravo.

Very good, Adam.

Sam...

Uh, well, I... I'll have
a talk with him later.

Sweetheart, now,
why don't you take your milk

out to the kitchen, please?

Okay?

With both hands, now.
There you go.

Well, I must be off.

I'm due at the ballet
at Petrograd.

They're doing Penguin Lake.

Don't you mean Swan Lake?

No, it's an ice ballet.

They couldn't get
the skates on the swans.

Endora, shall I
drop you somewhere?

Over the Matterhorn, perhaps?

I get the point.

Thanks for your help, Daddy.

If it hadn't been for you,

I would've had a disaster
on my hands.

You still have a disaster
on your hands.

Young man, take good care
of my little girl

or I'll take good care of you.

I've managed pretty well
up to now.

I'll be the judge of that.

Farewell! Farewell!
A long farewell.

If it's going to be that long,
I'm not waiting.

Scene stealer.

What a character!

He is rather unique, isn't he?

Yeah, but his daughter
is even more unique.

[GIGGLES]

And prettier.
Oh!

[♪]

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Uh, I guess I'll have to have

that little talk with him
right now.

Adam, did you pop Mommy
into the kitchen?

Yes.

[♪]

Afterwards, you and I
can continue our little...

talk.

Good idea.

[♪]