Man: get this on the twix,
will you, nell?
I've said it once,
I've said it a hundred times!
I know, d.j.
Now, about seattle --
Don't miss the meeting
on the rd.
Woman: mr. Mulrooney,
- the boston plane is on time.
Then I'd better be going.
Can't keep these people waiting.
How about
the henderson deal?
I wanted you to okay this,
d.j.
Oh, not another electronics
company, paul.
Well, we can pick it up
for a song,
And since we've gone
into plastics so heavily --
Plastics, toys,
electronics -- what next?
There's one thing
you young fellows
Seem to forget --
we are in the lumber business.
We started out in lumber,
and lumber is still number one.
Of course, d.j.
But if it'll make you happy,
go ahead and buy it.
Well, thank you, sir!
Oh, not that one, gregg --
the rolls.
The rolls -- right, sir.
May I have your undivided
attention for seconds?
Yes, ralph.
I can't emphasize enough
the success
Of the seattle deal
depends on your being there.
Well, I'll do my best
to make it,
But in case I miss,
you've got all the facts.
They don't want me
or logan or winkler!
They've been promised
d.j. Mulrooney.
They want that , acres
of timber! That's our bait!
But if you're not
in seattle,
The whole deal
goes down the drain.
I'll be there, ralph.
Now, will you please
stop worrying?
Ah, there she is --
As beautiful as the day
I first brought her home.
We had just put together
that sagatuck lumber deal.
And all the profits
went right into this car.
I remember perfectly.
That was in the days
when I only had $ million.
You still
have to impress people.
I'll be doing my own driving.
Yes, sir.
Special occasion.
I'm meeting
some very important people.
You've only got a half an hour
to get to the airport.
Don't worry, I'll make it.
I always do, don't i?
[ Tires screech ]
Five minutes early!
Why don't you run
your planes on time?!
It was the tail wind,
mr. Mulrooney!
Well, it's very important
That I should be here
to meet them.
Where are they?!
Where --
Grandfather!
Hi, grandfather.
Hi, rodney.
My goodness,
but you've grown!
And elizabeth...
You look more like your mother
every time I see you.
How is she?
Fine. She told me
to give you her love.
And dad said he'll bring you
champagne from paris.
That's the sort of
son-in-law I like.
How were these passengers?
Well behaved, I hope?
The perfect travelers.
It was a pleasure to have them.
Goodbye, elizabeth.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye, rodney.
[ Chuckles ]
Where are we going,
grandfather?
I thought maybe we'd
head up the redwood highway.
I used to take your mother there
when she was your age.
Then we'll follow our noses
on up to seattle.
Seattle!
Can we go on the yacht?!
I've got a new one now --
, horsepower diesel.
Does knots
if she's pushed.
Oh, boy!
Cost nearly
$ million dollars.
Well, how come
if you're so rich
You drive a funny old car
like this?
Funny old car?!
I tell you, young man,
this is a fine car!
You won't find its like
anymore.
Well, it's certainly
a pretty car.
Yes, but how fast
does it go?
Oh, fast enough
to get us there.
When I get a car,
it's gonna be a maserati.
Rodney, you're always
talking so big!
There's no harm
in that, son.
When I was a young lad
in ireland,
I always dreamt of owning myself
a jaunting car.
A jaunting car?
Never heard of that make.
Well, rodney, my boy,
It was the maserati
of its time -- real cool.
Hot stuff -- one horsepower.
One horsepower?!
Yes, sir!
¶ In me jauntin' car,
me jauntin' car ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
¶ I'm the handsomest sight
by far ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
[ Whistles tune ]
¶ Oh, the seats are leather
and face to face ¶
¶ The wheels go 'round
at a merry pace ¶
¶ And given a horse
that loves to race ¶
¶ I'll bet I could win
the steeplechase ¶
¶ In me jauntin' car,
me jauntin' car ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
¶ I'm the handsomest sight
by far ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
[ Whistles tune ]
¶ I called
on jennifer jane magee ¶
¶ To come along
on a jaunt with me ¶
¶ Traveling merrily
near and far ¶
¶ She fell in love
with me jauntin' car ¶
¶ In me jauntin' car,
me jauntin' car ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
¶ I'm the handsomest sight
by far ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
¶ In me jauntin' car,
me jauntin' car ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
¶ I'm the handsomest sight
by far ¶
¶ Joggin' along
in me jauntin' car ¶
[ Laughing ]
Lunchtime.
Great!
Where's the restaurant?
Right here -- I thought
it would be fun
To have our first meal together
in the open air!
Look, rodney!
"Mulrooney grove."
Grandfather, are these
wonderful trees all yours?
Every single one of them --
Mine, yours, everybody's.
What did you do,
buy 'em?
All that sign means is
that I had the privilege
Of seein' that
they'll always be here.
Just for people to look at?
Exactly.
My, they're big!
Must have taken
a long time to grow.
, Years
for some of them.
Tuna...
Ham...
It's so beautiful...
Like being in fairyland.
Now, don't go
too far away now.
Rodney's hungry,
and there might not be
Anything left
when you get back.
There's no peanut butter
and jelly.
Oh, dig down.
They're probably
down there in the bottom.
You know, she --
she could be the one.
I wouldn't if I were you.
Don't do it.
Well, but of all of 'em
I've seen,
She's the one
I think I could trust.
You can't trust any of 'em.
That's right, that's right!
But I have to talk
to someone.
Talk to me...
Any time.
And us --
Just as much as you like.
I have talked to ya --
all of ya --
And there's not one of you that
can help me with my problem!
Don't do it, jasper.
Only mean trouble.
what trouble?!
Gnome hunters, that's what!
Gnome hunters
all over the place!
Our woods will be full of 'em!
And none of 'em
can keep their mouths shut!
Blab, blab, blab!
No peace for any of us
anymore.
No peace at all.
No peace at all.
My mind's made up.
Aah!
I, uh, didn't mean
to frighten ya.
Oh, you didn't.
But I'll bet you're surprised
to see a gnome.
Oh, not really.
I was just thinking
What a lovely place
this is for gnomes.
Are there many of you
living here?
Well,
that's my problem.
If it weren't for that,
I wouldn't be showin' myself
to a doo-deen.
A doo-deen?
That's what we call
you big people.
Am I the first doo-deen
you've ever spoken to?
Yeah, yeah.
All my friends
advised against it,
But I had to talk
to someone!
If I'm the first doo-deen
you've ever spoken to,
How should you speak
such good english?
Uh, english?
The language
we've been talking!
Well,
don't that b*at all?!
And here
I've been wonderin'
How you spoke
such good gnomish!
And me father no more than took
his eyes off the leprechaun
For less time
than it takes to say,
"Seanny o'shannon's shillelagh,"
when woosh!
The little creature
up and disappeared on 'em.
You don't really believe
in that silly stuff,
Do you, grandfather?
There's still
no peanut butter.
Oh, they probably
got the labels mixed.
Grandfather, come quickly!
I promised him we'd be back!
Promised who?
The gnome!
- The what?!
The gnome, and he's got
a simply awful problem!
Oh, not just a gnome,
but a gnome with a problem!
Now, that is something!
Hey, I found one!
Grandfather, he's waiting
to talk to you!
But why me?
Because I told him
If anyone could help him
with his problem, it was you!
He's waiting!
Well, come on, rodney.
We got to go talk
to a gnome.
Now, elizabeth...
On the possibility
this fellow isn't there --
About inches high?
Taller than that.
Little yellow cap
and buckles on his shoes?
His hat was green.
In all the stories
about leprechauns --
I didn't say
he was a leprechaun!
He said he was a gnome!
Oh, a gnome!
Well, that's different!
That's the place!
I'm here -- I've brought him!
Yoo-hoo!
Jasper!
His name's jasper.
Oh?
Jasper!
Jasper!
Jasper!
Jasper!
Jasper!
Jasper!
The girl -- all right.
I maybe could go along.
But how about him?
You ever seen
a fiercer-lookin' critter?
He, uh --
He does look awful shifty
about the eyes.
Jasper! Jasper!
Maybe this is
the wrong place.
Forests can fool you.
But, grandfather,
this was the place!
It could be
the little lep-- gnome
Had second thoughts --
on seeing me, I mean.
Now, a little girl --
that's one thing,
But an old curmudgeon
like myself...
[ Crying ]
And it could be
in her imagination, too.
I didn't imagine him!
I did see him!
Of course you saw
a gnome, darling,
But not with these eyes --
these up here.
That's where
all the little folks live,
Like gnomes, elves,
leprechauns.
But, grandfather,
honest, I talked to him!
Jasper, jasper!
They're makin' her into a fool,
and all on account of me!
Come on, darling,
we best be getting back.
Now, you must be
really hungry --
But he was right there!
He was right there!
I can't let it end
like this.
Hey, you!
She did, too, see a gnome!
Who said that?!
I think it's him!
Uh-oh.
Now you done it!
Come on out
and show yourself!
Don't do it, jasper,
don't do it!
What kind of a trick is that
to play on a little girl?!
Come on, darling.
Oh, grandfather.
Hold on, you!
Jasper!
Seanny o'shannon's
shillelagh!
There, grandfather, you see?
Why, uh...
Yes...
A gnome.
You see him, rodney?
I still think
it's elizabeth's imagination.
Jasper, this is
my brother rodney
And my grandfather.
Glad to see you, jasper.
Say hello to him, rodney.
Hi.
Is this the wizard --
the one with all the solutions?
So, you're the gnome
with the problem.
Tell him what you told me!
Well, instead of that,
Since seein' is believin'
with you doo-deens,
Follow me!
Come on!
Well, there's my problem.
My old grandpa just lies there
growin' more see-throughish
With every passin' hour.
What's making him
so see-throughish?
Well, I'm not
an authority on gnomes,
But if they're anything
like leprechauns,
They live on and on...
But only if they want to.
You mean
they just fade away?
Jasper, have you any idea
What made him lose
his will to live?
[ Sighs ]
Grandpa's given up all hope
of ever seein' me married
And havin' younguns
of my own.
Why is that?
Well...
Grandpa and me,
we're, uh...
We're the last of the gnomes.
There's no gnome maidens
for me to marry up with.
Well, now, that is
a serious problem.
Jasper...
Jasper, boy...
Is that you I hear?
I-it is, grandpa.
I'm, uh -- I'm talkin'
with some friends.
Oh...that's nice.
That's nice.
I'm happy for ya.
T-they're, uh...
Doo-deen friends.
Mmm, good, good.
Now, go a-- doo-deens!
Now, grandpa,
they mean to help us!
You gone plumb
out of your senses?!
It's doo-deens that's been
the cause of all our trouble!
These big ones
are different!
There ain't no such a thing
as a different doo-deen!
That's why
in all my years,
I never let one of 'em so much
as lay an eye on my boot!
Now, grandpa, if I may --
Not one step further!
Ailin' I may be,
but not enough
To let you get ahold of me
without puttin' up a fight!
But my grandfather
just wanted to help.
Help?! Sayin' you could help,
why would you want to?!
Because you've got a problem,
And my grandfather is good
at solving problems.
Well, you don't say.
Jasper told me that there
are rumors about gnomes
Living in other forests.
Ah, idle cluckin'
of gossipy animals!
And grandfather's got
a wonderful car,
And he'll drive you anywhere,
won't you, grandfather?
Now, just a minute, darlin'.
And what about the yacht?!
Oh, please, grandfather!
Well, dear, i do have to be
in seattle.
Supposin' I was
to go with you --
I hear tell how you big ones
Treat free things
in the forest --
How you put 'em in cages
and sell 'em as curiosities --
Exhibit 'em
to other doo-deens!
Oh, we'd never do that,
would we, grandfather?!
We'll give you our word
we won't mention
Your existence
to another soul!
Nobody'd believe us, anyway.
It's our only chance,
grandpa.
What do you say?
Not that I got any hopes
of findin' gnomes, mind you,
But you do got somewhat of an
honorable look about your eyes.
Yahoo, we're going!
Yahoo!
Oh, grandfather,
you're wonderful!
Yippee!
We're going!
Well, if I may coin a phrase,
He's jumpin' out of
the fryin' pan into the fire --
Yes, sir, smack into the fire.
[ Whistling tune ]
¶ The gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Hunting for gnomes
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Sooner or later,
we feel that we'll ¶
¶ Find where they are
with the gnome mobile ¶
¶ In the gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Hunting for gnomes
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Sooner or later,
we feel that we'll ¶
¶ Find where they are
in the gnome mobile ¶
[ Whistles tune ]
¶ As we ride along
through the countryside ¶
¶ We're keeping our peepers
open wide ¶
¶ Looking to find
where she may hide ¶
¶ The beautiful gnome
for jasper's bride ¶
¶ In the gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ We're hunting for gnomes
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Sooner or later,
we feel that we'll ¶
¶ Find where she is
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ The gnome mobile
is a grand machine ¶
¶ The like of which
I have never seen ¶
¶ But you're goin' too fast,
you big doo-deen ¶
¶ When I look where I'm goin',
that's where I've been ¶
¶ In the gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ We're hunting for gnomes
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Sooner or later,
we feel that we'll ¶
¶ Find where they roam
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ In the gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ We're hunting for gnomes
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Sooner or later,
we feel that we'll ¶
¶ Find where they roam
in the gnome mobile ¶
[ Whistles tune ]
Well, I must say,
jasper was right for once.
You doo-deens are different.
Thanks, grandpa.
You don't have to
keep callin' me grandpa.
The name's knobby.
Knobby, just call me d.j.
Everyone does.
D.j. -- Don't come
much shorter than that.
Grandfather, where do we start
this gnome hunting?
I figure the most likely place
would be a virgin forest.
Now, I happen to know
of a , -acre patch of timber
That's never been touched by --
by doo-deens.
Is it very far?
We can't make it tonight.
We'll have to stop over
somewhere.
But we'll make it easy
in the morning.
Jasper, what happened
to all the other gnomes?
Well, I was too little
to remember much about it,
But I've heard it said
that they migrated.
Weren't that at all!
What about
the food gettin' scarce?
I don't care what you heard!
I was there!
It was the choppin' down
of the trees
That made
the gnomes disappear!
I remember it
like it was yesterday!
Everything was so pleasant
and peaceful --
Everybody mindin'
their own business.
Then, all of a sudden,
"Timber!"
Trees started
a-comin' down, a-fallin'.
And a-crashin' like giants,
they come down!
It was "timber!" On the right
and "timber!" On the left,
And the gnomes a-panickin'
and a-runnin'
And a-fallin' down
and a-bumpin' into each other,
And comin' right behind 'em
all the time
Was the big axes a-slashin'
and a-cuttin' and "timber!"
Grandpa, I remember --
You don't remember nothin'!
You weren't no bigger than that!
I grabbed you
and started to run!
And right behind me I hear,
"timber!"
And I looked back
over my shoulder,
And here come one of them giants
fallin' right at me!
How did you escape?
I didn't!
It landed right on me!
Did it k*ll you?!
Nope. I ducked
down a rabbit hole.
But I was under that tree
for days and nights!
And when I finally
dug myself out,
There were dead trees
everywhere
And nary a gnome in sight!
How awful!
Oh, the carnage!
And them infernal
axe-swingers --
They wouldn't give up!
They kept a-comin' and a-comin'!
And the worst of 'em all
was that mulrooney outfit!
Mulrooney!
- But, grandfather!
Shh! Don't interrupt
while he's talking!
I never seen
the blackguard himself,
But I seen them henchmen
of his often enough --
A-slashin' and a-cuttin'
and a-destroyin'!
"Mulrooney's marauders"
we called 'em!
Now, just a minute!
It so happens
that my grandfather is --
In complete accord
with you, knobby!
Any vandal who cuts down trees
indiscriminately ought to be --
Well, he ought to be taken out
and horsewhipped!
Yes, sir,
thoroughly horsewhipped!
Well, here we are.
Everything secure
in the gnome department?
Oh, please keep down,
knobby!
You don't want the other
doo-deens to see you!
Packed us in here like we
was a couple of sandwiches,
And me at my age!
I'll take this.
Thanks.
Hey, you! You can't
park that thing there!
I won't be staying long!
The name is quaxton
Of "quaxton's academy
of fantastic freaks."
Brilliant show --
don't miss it!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ rock-'n'-roll music playing ]
Hello, sport.
You look like an intelligent
patron of the arts.
Here...
Accept these free tickets
with my compliments --
The rare opportunity
to enlarge the experience
And broaden the mind.
Two bedrooms and a sitting room
in one of the cottages.
You are the lucky one.
There's one left.
Knobby: oh!
Aah!
I'm very sorry, sir,
But dogs are not allowed
in the hotel.
But they're not --
They're geese!
geese!
Grandpa, shh!
Aah!
And very well trained, too.
I'm very sorry, sir,
but the rule is unbreakable --
No pets of any kind.
Who said anything about pets?!
These happen to be
business investments!
Royal abyssinian geese --
And very rare!
You do not seem
to understand, sir,
This hotel does not permit
any animals
Of any kind whatsoev--
Oh! Mr. Mulrooney!
Oh, I am so --
Knobby: mulrooney!
The marauder himself!
We've been trapped!
Let me out of here!
[ Screaming ]
Let me out!
- Grandpa, be quiet!
[ Screaming continues ]
[ patriotic march playing ]
Here -- show mr. Mulrooney...
Let me out!
Let me out!
[ music continues ]
A little action, please!
Quick, quick, quick!
Hey!
Mulrooney!
Let me out of here!
Pardon me, sir.
Are those voices --
Correct -- the peculiar trait
of abyssinian geese.
They make sounds
just like people.
Knobby: you hear me?!
Answer me!
Open this infernal contraption
and let me go!
[ music continues ]
Knobby: why did I ever leave
the redwoods?!
This is all my fault!
Callin' us abyssinian geese!
Abyssinian geese, my foot!
That's fine, that's fine.
Thank you -- set it down.
Thank you, sir.
That's all right.
Whew!
All right, rodney, you
can turn off the music now.
[ Music stops ]
Let me out!
Let me out!
Mulrooney, you connivin',
double-dealin' --
Settle yourself down!
How can I settle myself down
when I find myself travelin'
In the very company
of me own worst enemy?!
Knobby, that is not so!
Unscrupulous, lyin'
prevaricator --
Gettin' us to leave
our redwood sanctuary
Under false pretenses!
Ooh, but he's a schemin' one!
He did it for you!
We'd rather be in seattle!
Oh, don't give me
none of your 'druthers,
You mulrooney-in-the-makin'!
D.j.: Enough of this
yelling, now!
You want to arouse
the whole neighborhood?
Jasper: grandpa, even sayin'
what you're saying's true --
Knobby:
of course, it's true!
Are you insinuatin'
your grandfather's a liar?!
I'm only askin' you to give
mr. Mulrooney a chance!
I ain't listenin' to nothin'
that one's got to say!
Mulrooney's lyin',
cheatin', schemin'!
Knobby, calm down now
and listen a minute!
I'm only tryin' to help!
Oh, no, you don't!
I fell for that line before!
I'm a little different
from a lot of other lumbermen!
You can say that again!
You're the worst!
You want to find gnomes,
don't you?
Not with you, I don't!
Supposing that everything
you say is true --
Then you admit it!
I do not admit anything!
I'm only sayin' that
even if it were true,
That's all in the past!
Yesterday!
Let's talk about tomorrow.
whose tomorrow, yours?!
No, yours, you rock-headed
little mule, and jasper's!
We're doing everything we can
to help you!
And I told you
I don't want nothin' to do
With no help from you!
Just hear mr. Mulrooney out!
Try to trust him!
I'd rather trust
a predatory vulture
With a hungry eye
and an empty belly!
All right, I've had it!
I've tried everything
In the hope
that you'd see the light!
Hope is all you've got left,
you stubborn, old donkey!
Tomorrow morning, we're going
back to the redwoods!
And we're gonna drop you off
and be free of ya!
And from that moment on,
as far as I'm concerned,
You never even existed!
And that goes for me, too!
Elizabeth: but grandfather!
Now I'm gonna get
the car serviced,
And I don't want to waste
a minute tomorrow!
Can I come with you?
Yes, come on.
Without a doubt,
The most exasperating,
ornery gnome I ever met!
Then do we go
right on to seattle?
And the yacht, and the sooner
the better, son!
Where's the nearest
service station?
At the corner
of elm and grange.
Man on television:
here in nature's kingdom
dwell the regal giants
of the forest --
the great sequoias,
monarchs of all they survey...
Pictures, grandpa,
from right out in the air!
Take a look --
it'll make you feel better!
I ain't gonna feel better
till I get out of here!
...older than written history
itself,
they tower
above their surroundings...
Look, it's the redwoods!
...yet, in man's
scheme of things,
these great trees
have practical use
as well as aesthetic value...
Well, what do you know?
My redwoods!
...from these forests,
selected trees are taken.
and when the lumberjack's cry
of "timber!"
echoes through the woods...
Aaahhhh! Ooh! Ooh!
Them bloody, blackhearted
blackguard doo-deens!
Ohhh! Ohh! Ohh!
...timber!
another giant comes down...
Aah! Aah!
Ohh! Ohh! Aah! Aah!
Now, settle down, grandpa!
[ Click ]
Shh!
Now, calm yourself!
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello?
Yes?
I'm sorry to tell you,
but there's been an accident --
A bad accident.
Oh, no -- not grandfather?!
I'm afraid so. It's your
grandfather's rolls-royce.
Is he hurt?!
Well, he can't talk to you
right now.
But where is he?!
Where did it happen?!
At the corner
of elm and grange,
And he wants you
to come right away.
I'll be right there!
They don't make 'em
like this anymore.
These new jobs are
all right on the highway,
But a car like this --
it's built to go places.
That'll be $ . , Sir --
out of $ .
Keep the change.
It's nice to talk to a man
who appreciates cars.
Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!
[ Tires screech ]
Grandfather,
you're all right!
Of course
we're all right, darling!
They said there'd been
an accident!
Who told you?!
Someone on the telephone!
In the car quickly!
[ Engine turns over ]
Watch out, sir!
[ Vehicle approaches ]
Yeah...
All right, thank you.
Only what I expected.
Nobody saw anything.
Why don't you call the police?
No, not the police --
tell the police,
And the next thing,
the papers will be full of it.
That's just what we
promised knobby wouldn't happen.
This is a job
for my own security staff.
I can trust my own team, and
that's just what we need now.
[ Dialing ]
Operator...
Person-to-person
san francisco --
Mr. Ralph yarby.
How am I doin', doc?
[ Telephone rings ]
I only hope d.j.
Checks out as well --
if I can ever
get him up here.
Oh, yes, he's here.
Mr. Yarby...
It's for you.
D.j.'S on the line.
D.j.?
D.j., Where are you?!
We've been trying
to reach you for --
Ralph, they're gone --
missing.
Gone! Not --
That's right -- kidnapped.
Well, have you notified
the police yet?!
They're the last ones
I want to call now!
Good thinking, d.j. --
The press get ahold of this,
The kidnappers get scared,
and the children have had it.
Who said anything
about children?!
Now listen, ralph...
This is gonna be hard
for you to accept,
Do you understand?
Well, i always understand,
d.j.
Well, it's the gnomes
who've been kidnapped!
The gnomes!
Uh, d.j., Something
seems to have gone wrong
With the phone.
Would you mind
repeating that last?
Can you hear me now?!
You're coming through
clear now.
I said a pair of gnomes!
Little people!
- There's not a minute to lose!
I want you to put out
Security people on this
right away,
And I mean right now!
Security --
right now -- right away.
And remember,
nobody's to know about this
Besides our own people,
Or there's no telling
what might happen!
You couldn't be
more right, d.j.
Look,
where are you right now?
"Cedar creek lodge."
I'll fly up there
and meet you there tonight.
All right, goodbye.
Get me security.
This isn't a case
for security.
What d.j. Needs now
is a psychiatrist.
You mean you think
he's lost his marbles?
I'll get in touch
with conrad ramsey.
He's got a place
not far from there.
D.j. Will never sit still
for a psychiatrist.
Suppose he thinks he's meeting
a private detective --
An expert
with a great organization
For handling cases
such as this.
Well, yes.
Yes, I think that might work!
[ Barks ]
I still wish you'd brought
A couple of our own
security men along.
Our men are good, d.j.,
But as you just said,
This is a special case,
and it needs a special man.
But this ramsey -- has he
handled cases like this before?
One after another.
Funny --
I never heard of him.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to five oaks.
Thanks.
This ramsey must do all right.
This layout
makes brink's and pinkerton
Look like
a couple of pikers.
In all honesty, d.j.,
You can't even put them
in the same category.
Now, don't say
it can't be done!
Yarby tells me that you
often work on cases like mine!
Yes, all the time!
Locating lost gnomes?
Well, gnomes, no,
But we have uncovered
some strange things in our time.
Very well, then.
Back to the little men --
You say you first saw them
in the redwoods.
We took them
as far as cedar creek.
That's where
they were kidnapped.
Where they disappeared --
I said kidnapped,
and I mean kidnapped!
Yes, yes, yes...
During the trip,
did anybody see them
Besides you
and your grandchildren?
Someone else
had to see them, of course,
Or how would they
have gotten kidnapped?!
Well, that's a good question.
And that's one that you
have to find the answer to!
Everything you said thus far
leads me to believe
That you did see gnomes.
What do you think
I'm doing here?!
But not with these eyes --
with those up here.
That is where
all the little people --
The gnomes, the gremlins,
Or whatever you like
to call them -- live.
[ Buzzing ]
Ralph, this guy
thinks I'm nuts!
I say he thinks I'm nuts!
He thinks I'm nuts!!
Not nuts, mr. Mulrooney --
Just, shall we say,
overfatigued?
What is this, ramsey?
Who are these fellows?!
Uh, my assistants.
Would you come with me,
please?
Yarby, what have you done?!
Yarby, you double-crosser!
I ought to break you
in a dozen pieces!
Let go of me!
Yarby, you're fired!
You're fired!
[ Door slams ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]
[ g*nshots ]
Don't you think it's
about time for bed, children?
We'll wait up
for grandfather.
He's liable to be tied up
for a long time.
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello, grandfather?
Oh...
It's for you.
Thank you, rodney.
I'll take it in the bedroom.
Wait just a minute.
You can hang up now,
rodney.
Thank you.
Rodney, that is not nice!
Mr. Yarby, am I glad
to hear from you!
Yarby:
how are the children?
Fine, only...
Well, I'm sure
they suspect something.
I was afraid they might.
Are you free to talk?
Yes.
Here's the way things
shape up from here.
It's much worse
than we thought.
D.j. Got violent.
Oh, how awful!
I'm afraid he's gonna be here
for quite some time.
Now, dr. Ramsey's fixed up
a room for me
Next to d.j.'S,
so if you want me for anything,
At least for
the next couple of days,
You can call me
at this number --
Ramsey's five oaks...
Klondike- ,
Room .
Got it?
Got it.
Fine.
Thank you, mr. Yarby.
Goodbye.
[ Receiver clicks ]
[ g*nshots continue ]
Gee,
it must be getting late.
I'm bushed.
Me too.
Guess we might just as well
get to bed.
That does sound like
a good idea, doesn't it?
Good night.
Good night, rodney.
Good night.
Good night, elizabeth.
[ rock-'n'-roll music playing ]
They've got grandfather
locked up!
They think he's nuts!
But they can't!
What are you doing?!
We're going to rescue him!
But we don't know
where this five oaks is!
It's down the road.
I saw it as we came in.
Come on!
Do you really think
we should?
Sure -- why not?
But you haven't got
a license.
Of course not!
- I'm too young to have a license!
And what if you get caught?
Look, it's
grandfather's car, isn't it?
And we're taking it
to him, aren't we?
And it is an emergency,
isn't it?
[ Engine turns over ]
Now then...
[ Groaning ]
You'll have to help.
Get down by the pedals.
Push that one down.
Now...let it up!
Well, let's try
another gear.
Get ready to stop...
Now!
What are you taking
those for?
To make sure that I'm ready
for anything.
You stay here.
Grandfather and I
will be back soon.
How will you be able
to find grandfather's room?
You just can't ask.
I won't have to.
I know it's on the third floor.
I'll just listen.
No one's got a snore
like grandfather.
[ Snoring ]
[ Muttering ]
How is he?
Is he all right?
Relax, mr. Yarby.
He's sleeping like a baby.
Listen.
[ Snoring continues ]
[ Door opens, closes ]
[ Snoring continues ]
[ Dog barking ]
[ Barking continues ]
Quiet, boy. It's nothing.
[ Barking stops ]
[ Snoring ]
Grandfather...
Psst!
Grandfather...
[ Snoring continues ]
Grandfather!
[ Snoring continues ]
Rodney!
Why, you little rascal!
[ Silence ]
[ Snoring ]
[ Snoring ]
I don't sound that bad,
do i?
Well, let's start
snoring off this bar.
[ Snoring and sawing ]
[ Snoring and sawing continue ]
There.
Now then,
in the old days,
I used to bend a bar
twice this size.
[ Groaning ]
[ Snoring continues ]
I'll get it
on the next exhale.
[ Snoring continues ]
It's not scary as long
as you don't look down.
Young man,
I was climbing trees
And topping them out
before you were born.
This is the difficult part.
Don't worry
an old high-climber like me.
You just be very careful.
Oh, sure.
[ Chuckles ]
Timber!!
[ Crashing ]
Grandfather, you hurt?!
Nope, son...
It's the old mulrooney luck.
Fall in a glasshouse
and come up smellin' like a...
Petunia.
Let's get out of here.
[ Alarm blaring ]
what's wrong?!
He's gone!
D.j. -- Oh, no!
Faster, grandfather!
I'm goin' as fast as I can!
There he is!
Come on!
After him, duke!
[ Dog barks ]
Up over the tree!
Watch out, grandfather!
[ Barking ]
Come on, grandfather!
Grandfather!
[ Blaring continues ]
[ Growling ]
Come on, grandfather!
D.j., Come back!
Come back!
Help me!
[ Engine turns over ]
You shouldn't have done it, d.j.
Anybody on our tail?
Nobody in sight.
What do we do now?
Can't say, darlin',
but one thing's for sure.
Whatever it is,
we do it alone.
Sure can't count
on that mulrooney team.
The first question is,
Who could have seen
the gnomes?
The desk clerk?
I doubt it.
Maybe the bellboy!
I know! The fellow
with the fantastic freaks!
Fantastic freaks?
He was in the lobby
putting up posters,
And he gave me these.
Uh-huh --
"quaxton's fantastic freaks.
"Highway ,
South of homerville," huh?
Rodney, my boy,
you've just hit
On a very possible
possibility.
D.j.: Here it is.
Rodney: sure is
a crummy-looking place.
Elizabeth: oh, i do hope
they're all right.
You two wait here.
This shouldn't take long.
Quaxton!
Hold it, you!
What's happenin', cha--
Breakin' and enterin',
looks like to me!
Breaking and entering?!
Look -- "five oaks"!
Ain't that some kind of
a nuthouse or somethin'?!
I'm perfectly sane,
and I can explain all this!
Get on the phone, etta.
Call the cops.
I'll keep the loony covered.
If you tell me where I can find
quaxton, I'll be on my way!
Etta, call the cops!
Grab 'em, men!
Freeze, mister!
I don't care whether
you believe me or not.
I wanna know where
this quaxton feller is!
There's no time to argue!
Two lives are at stake!
And I'm warning you,
I you hold anything back
and anything happens
To those two --
to those two lives,
I'll personally see to it
that both of you
Are arrested as accomplices!
Look, mister, we only work
for quaxton!
You don't believe this loony?!
I believe almost anything
about horatio quaxton!
And that phone call --
Quiet!
Quaxton's up to somethin',
and you know it!
What phone call?!
Five or six hours ago,
He said we was to run things
till he got back.
Got back from where?!
His mountain cabin, probably.
I told you to keep quiet!
Where is it?!
Somewhere around homerville --
A road called "old willow."
But we ain't sure
he's there, mind you,
But he could be.
Well, in case
we don't find him there,
And you hear
from him again,
There's double that
in it for ya.
[ Car door closes,
engine turns over ]
Oh, charlie, look!
"I owe you $ , --
d.j. Mulrooney."
Huh!
Told you he was tetched.
Fill 'er up.
Hold it a minute.
How much money
you kids got?
... ... ...
Cents.
How about you, elizabeth?
Um, a quarter
and two nickels.
Better make it gallons.
A man named quaxton
has a cabin around here.
Do you know where it is?
Nope.
Do you know him?
Nope.
Well, I know he has
a place here.
Well, that puts you
one up on me, don't it?
How about the old willow road?
Do you know where that is?
Yep.
Well, where?!
About two dirt roads
back.
Thanks.
That's cents.
Here's --
keep the change.
Last of the big spenders.
[ Rattling ]
Knobby: oh, why did I
ever leave my redwoods?
This is all my fault,
jasper.
Jasper: I'll get you
out of here.
If I had sense enough
to stay where I belong,
We'd never be
in this mess.
It's no use, jasper.
Now, grandpa,
we'll get out of here,
But we got to do it
before he gets back.
Don't bother about me.
I'm only a burden to ya.
I'm too old.
Now, grandpa...
Endin' up
cooped up like this!
Oh!
Come on, grandpa.
[ Groans ]
Oh, me poor legs!
I can't even climb out
of here, let alone escape.
You leave that to me.
Maybe if you go
with that quaxton fella
And be in his show,
you'd make out.
Never.
I wouldn't spit on
a doo-deen like that quaxton.
Well, maybe so.
Do as you like.
I'm wantin' to fade away
and call it quits.
That's enough
of that kind of talk.
We're gettin' out of here.
Supposin' we do escape.
What good's it gonna do us?
We're the last of the gnomes,
you and me.
This is the --
It's the end of the line.
Grandpa, there's a beautiful
forest down the road.
You'll feel more yourself
When we get you back
where you belong.
[ Vehicle approaches ]
Quick -- that's him!
I keep tellin' ya, boy,
I'm too old!
[ Key rattles in lock ]
There -- there we are, gents.
Gnome burgers --
Hey, you sneaky, little weasel!
Come back here!
Keep goin', grandpa!
I'll catch up with you
later!
Oh, no, you won't!
On, no, you don't!
Aw, now look, little fella,
You and me have great things
ahead of us --
Great things!
Oh, you have no idea.
Oh, I got idea enough.
Oh, now,
don't be like that!
Ha, ha,
well, well, well,
Aren't you the lively,
little fellow, though, huh?
Which is more than can be said
for your old grandpa.
Oh, but never mind him.
Don't you see? We don't
have to cut him in on this.
It's just you and me
and $ million --
One whole cool million dollars
Waiting for us
to come and pick it up.
Unh-unh.
Stand back, quaxton.
I'm -- I'm warnin' you.
Come one step closer,
and I'll sh**t!
Oh, come on, now,
little fellow.
I'm not trying
to hurt you.
Besides, the g*n
isn't even loaded.
[ g*n hammer clicks ]
See,
what did I tell you, huh?
No, you should, uh --
should learn to listen to me
Once in a while.
You shouldn't have done that,
little friend.
You just might have hurt me.
Fact is,
you might have k*lled me!
All right, quaxton.
Care to try again?
Ow!
Uh...gotcha!
Don't fight it!
Ah!
[ Laughing ]
Oh, back you come!
Ooh!
[ Laughing continues ]
Quaxton: I'm warning you,
now, don't make me mad!
When I get mad,
I get dangerous, and I'll wring
your neck if I have to!
Now, remember, young fella,
I can make as much money
with a stuffed gnome,
So from now on,
I think you better
play it my way, huh?
I mean it!
This is your last chance!
I'm through being nice!
Now, you hold still,
Or I'll break you in pieces!
Jasper,
are you all right?!
Yeah, but grandpa's gone,
and I'm worried about him!
He's wantin' to fade away!
You skunk!
- No, no, no --
You low-down,
unmitigated scoundrel!
Just watch your language!
You unscrupulous doo-deen!
I wasn't tryin' to hurt them.
I was only tryin'
to make a little deal!
Wait just a minute!
He's my gnome!
You said you wanted
nothing more to do with them!
Where's knobby?
There's a forest down the road.
I said I'd meet him there.
Mr. Mulrooney,
you're a businessman.
I have a proposition
to make you on a good thing!
Listen,
you're missing a bet!
Now, there's a fortune
in it for all of us!
Mulrooney!
[ Crying ]
Have you seen anything
of an old gaffer
And a couple of kids
in a rolls-royce?
Rolls-royce...
Like that one?
Yes, like that one.
Hey, that's it! What are we
waiting for? After him!
Hey!
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Bell dinging ]
Oh, no!
Oh! Oh!
[ Whimpering ]
Ohhhhh!
Grandfather, there's
somebody tailing us.
Anybody we know?
It's mr. Yarby.
Mr. Yarby?!
Well, well, well.
Keep out of sight,
jasper.
All right, mr. Mulrooney.
But why, grandfather?
Why not stop
and let them see him?
That would prove
you weren't crazy.
Not on your life, honey.
It'll be a cold day
in the tropics
When d.j. Mulrooney
does anything
Just to prove to ralph yarby
that he's got all his marbles.
Faster, man, faster!
Yes, mr. Yarby.
They're gaining on us!
They won't for long.
Let's see how well
they keep up
When the going gets rough.
Jasper, I thought I told you
to keep out of sight.
I'm tryin' to,
mr. Mulrooney!
Oh!
Look where you're going!
I can't see the road
for the trees!
Don't stop, stupid!
Get going, get going!
Get that hood closed!
We can't see where we're going!
I know, mr. Yarby,
but how?!
Give 'er the gas!
Full speed ahead!
I said ahead!
put on the brakes!
Maybe you'd care to try.
They're with us again!
Well, let's see
how they are on cornering.
Hold tight, everybody!
Whee! I take it
all back, grandfather!
This is some car!
Oh!
Just some fenders --
nothing to worry about.
Turn, turn, turn!
Mr. Yarby,
would you care to drive?!
I --
Aah!
What did we lose now?!
Only the rear wheels!
Look out, ralph!
They don't make 'em
like they used to, huh, ralph?
Grandpa!
Grandpa!
D.j.: Knobby!
Children: knobby!
Yoo-hoo, knobby!
Knobby!
Where are you?!
Grandpa!
Grandpa, show yourself!
Knobby!
Grandpa!!
You don't think
he's faded away?
Oh, no -- knobby!
Knobby!
- Where are you?!
Shh! I think
I hear something.
Yahoo!
Yippee!
Yahoo!
Yahoo! Yippee!
Grandpa,
what's gotten into you?!
Mulrooney, you were right!
We ain't the only gnomes
in the world!
Yee-hay!
Rufus?
- Yes?
Come on out and meet
my doo-deen friends!
Any friend of knobby's
is a friend of ours!
Hello, doo-deen.
Welcome.
Well, thank you.
It's nice to be here.
Hi.
And is this the young one
Who would like to meet
some other gnomes?
Yes, sir, I sure would.
Good.
Well, all right.
My boy...
If you were afraid you
were the last of the gnomes,
Take heart.
There's lots of us,
and here's the proof.
You needn't ever be
lonesome again.
Somethin' the matter
with you, boy?
Ain't you glad
to find more gnomes?
Well, yeah, grandpa,
only, uh, uh...
Well, w-what about
the, uh, uh...
Well, you know
what I mean!
All right, out with it!
What do you mean?!
Knobby...
I think the boy's tryin' to say,
"are there any girl gnomes?"
Well, of course!
How stupid of me!
Rufus here has more girl gnomes
than he knows what to do with!
Right, rufus?
Oh, and you know I have!
My goodness,
have I got girls?!
I got big girls,
and I really mean big ones,
And little girls
if you want a little one.
I got medium-size ones.
Have I got girls?!
Why, I've got some --
I'll show you.
Girls?!
Girls?!
Come on out, girls!
The eligible gnome is here!
[ Screaming and giggling ]
Hold it, hold it!
Now, don't lose
your heads, girls!
Back there, back there!
Go line up. Line up, now.
Girls are so silly!
Don't you think so?
No.
Which one do you like,
grandfather?
Well, now, it's
kind of hard to say.
I like 'em all.
Well, don't stand there
like a stump, boy!
You come lookin' for a bride!
Get goin'!
Go on, go on!
This is no time
to be bashful!
Knobby: go ahead, boy!
Go ahead!
That one's poppy.
And the next --
that's petunia --
Named after a flower,
you know.
That's heather...
And that one is morning glory.
That's a lovely name.
Oh, jasper,
that's snapdragon.
By the way, she's
my niece, jasper.
She's the one
I think he'll like.
[ Giggles ]
She's the one
I think you'll like.
Oh, that next one --
that's buttercup.
That's daisy -- daisy --
That's a pretty name.
Yeah.
He must be getting old --
And thistle down...
And that's primrose.
And there's dewdrop --
dewdrop --
So pretty, that --
azalea...
And that's pearblossom.
Pearblossom --
that's two words
Made into one, you know.
And last but not least,
Poor violet, there.
A bit bashful,
I'm afraid.
Uh...
H-hi.
Well, come on, boy!
If that's the one,
go ahead and take her!
Rufus: oh, no, you don't!
And why not?
He picked the one he wants!
"The one he wants!"
Oh, my goodness! It's not
the male that picks his mate.
It's the she-male
that picks the date.
It'll all end out all right.
It's the oldest law in nature.
I never heared
such nonsense!
What are you talkin' about?
You know that whenever
We have a bumper crop
of females,
We like to give
every maiden a chance.
Well, you mean he's stuck
with whoever picks him?
Now you're getting it.
Prepare the eligible gnome!
[ Female gnomes giggling ]
What are they doing
to jasper?
It's just
a little complication.
I thought of it myself.
It makes it a little more fun.
Fun?!
[ Laughing ]
[ Splashing ]
[ Indistinct talking ]
[ Laughs ]
A greased gnome.
- A what?
It's like
a greased-pig chase.
The one who catches him
gets to keep him.
It's not very romantic.
Form your circle!
All right, girls!
You all know the rules!
You've got to hang on
to your gnome
For a count of !
Is that clear?!
On your mark...
...get set...
Go!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
[ Rumbling ]
Ooh! Ha ha!
Ooh! Ha ha!
Ah, keep quiet!
Run for it, jasper!
Head for the tall timber!
Watch it, boy!
They're tricky!
For a man to win this game,
He's got to have eyes
in the back of his head!
[ Shouting ]
What's happening?
Where's jasper?
He's escaped.
Hey, look!
[ Rustling ]
over there!
[ Shouting continues ]
Psst!
Violet!
Catch me!
Good girl, snapdragon!
How'd you like
that snappy catch, knobby?
Oop!
Get in there, violet!
It's anybody's gnome!
Catch me!
Now's your chance!
Well, hurry up!
Grab me before it's too late!
Now, girl, now!
Go on -- go ahead!
[ Shouting resumes ]
Grab him!
Oh, no! Did you ever see
such a backward female?!
Attagirl!
Reminds me of the time
I was chasin'
this greased pig --
There ain't gonna be
much left of the boy
When whoever gets him
gets him!
[ Whistles ]
Dodge 'em, son!
Dodge 'em!
Look below you, boy!
Below you!
Come on, violet,
get in there!
Get in there!
Jasper!
She's got him!
Hold on!
Ooh, hold on!
How do you like that,
you old coot?
Hang on, violet!
You've got your gnome!
Start countin'.
One...
Two...
Three...
Faster!
Stop interrupting me!
You know I always get flustered
when I get stutters!
When I get stutters, I mean --
look what you -- f-four...
F-five...
What comes after five?
Six!
- Oh.
S-six...
Seven!
Oh!
Oh, no!
There he is!
Violet!
Knobby: she got him!
who's got him?!
Well, start countin'!
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Five...
Six...
Seven!
It's violet!
It's violet! It's violet!
It's violet!
Violet is
the official winner!
By the power and authority
vested in me
By the gnomish
council of elders,
I now pronounce you
gnome and wife.
Well, go ahead, boy,
kiss her!
Do I have to do everything
for you?
Folks, folks,
May I have
your attention, please?
To honor
this memorable occasion,
Sort of as a wedding present,
I am deeding to the gnomes
, Acres
of virgin redwoods...
[ Murmuring ]
...to be yours for eternity...
And even longer.
Any and all
young married couples
Who want to come along
and start a new colony --
There's a gnome mobile
leaving immediately.
Three cheers
for d.j. Mulrooney!
Hip, hip!
Hip, hip!
Hooray!
Hip, hip!
Hip, hip!
Hooray!
Hip, hip!
Hip, hip!
Hooray!
¶ In the gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ We're rolling along
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Oh, what a wonderful
way to feel ¶
¶ Rolling along
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ In years to come,
I can guarantee ¶
¶ A dozen grandchildren
at your knee ¶
¶ And every one of 'em
proud to claim ¶
¶ "Mulrooney is
me middle name" ¶
¶ In the gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ We're rolling along
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Oh, what a wonderful
way to feel ¶
¶ Rolling along
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ In the gnome mobile,
the gnome mobile ¶
¶ We're rolling along
in the gnome mobile ¶
¶ Oh, what a wonderful
way to feel ¶
¶ Rolling along
in the gnome mobile ¶
[ Whistling tune ]
Gnome-Mobile, The (1967)
Moderator: Maskath3