03x03 - Chapter Three: The Case of the Missing Lifeguard

[bunniefuu]

♪ You must be an angel ♪

♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪

♪ Full of wonder and surprise... ♪

Oh, you found Ralph Macchio.

- Macchio?
- Yeah, he's the Karate Kid.

Hai-yah!

He's so hot, right?

I bet he's an amazing kisser, too.

Hey, uh...

is Mike a good kisser?

I don't know.

He's my first boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

Hey, don't worry about it. Okay?

He'll come crawling back to you
in no time, begging for forgiveness.

I guarantee you, him and Lucas are, like,

totally wallowing in self-pity and misery
right now.

They're like,
"Oh, I hope they take us back."

God, what I wouldn't give
to see their stupid faces.

What is it?

Is this really gonna work?

Holy sh*t, this is insane.

- Max.
- Yeah, quiet. I'm sorry.

What's wrong with me?
What did I do wrong?

Nothing.

What did I do wrong?
What could I have done wrong?

Do I have to
go through this again?

I see them.

What are they doing?

Eating.

I just don't understand what I did
to deserve this.

Nothing. Nothing.
That's my whole point.

You are the victim here.

I know. It's just,
why is she treating me this way?

- I don't know.
- Mike...

What did I do wrong?

- What did I do wrong?!
- Mike, stop.

Relax. Just relax.

Okay? Stop asking rational questions.

I know, I know, you're right.

- Yeah.
- Because women act on emotion

- and not logic.
- Precisely.

It's a totally different species.

They say we are "species."

- What?
- "Emotion, not logic."

What?

Guys, it's ready.

- Will, not right now.
- They broke up with you.

- What else is there to talk about?
- Tons.

Yeah, we're trying to solve
the great mystery of the female species.

Dude, you can smell the nacho cheese.

- I got that b*at.
- What?

- Oh, no.
- No, Lucas, no.

No!

Lucas! Lucas!

What happened?

What...

What? What happened?

Hey!

Hey!

When I say three inches, three...

Do you knock? Jeez!

Yeah! Jeez!

Oh, hey.

I'm sorry.

- I thought that, uh...
- Mike's not here.

Max wanted to have...

a sleepover.

Is that... okay?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Your parents know about it?

Yup.

Uh, yeah, it's cool.

Yeah.

That's... That's really cool.

Did you need something?

No, no.

Uh, I'll leave.

I'll just let you... I'll leave you...

Holy sh*t,
I can't believe we're really doing this.

- Ready?
- Ready.

Mr. Wheeler.

Ugh. Boring.

Yeah, boring.

Spin again.

Against the rules?

We make our own rules.

Billy.

Okay, look, I should just warn you,

if he's with a girl
or doing something gross,

just get out of there right away
before you're scarred for life.

- Max...
- No, I'm just saying, I'm serious.

- He's really gross.
- Max!

Okay, shutting up now.

I found him.

What's he doing?

I don't know.

Don't be afraid.

He's...

on the floor...

It'll be over soon.

Talking to someone.

Just stay very still.

Billy!

What is it?

What happened?

Yes!

- What are you doing?
- Yeah, Will, can you turn down the music?

Please address me by my full name.

- What?
- My full name!

Oh, my God. Okay, Will the Wise,

can you please turn down the music?

That is not music.

That... is the sound of destiny!

I have seen into the future,
and I've seen that today is a new day,

a day...

free of girls!

What is happening right now?

Will, come on.

A tribe of villagers are under thr*at
from an evil force

from the swamps of Kuzatan.

Will, it's so early.

Is it?

Is it early, Michael?

Tell that to the villagers
crying for your help,

the children so frightened,

they cannot sleep.

Are you truly going to let them perish?

Or are you going to come to their rescue

and become the heroes
you were always meant to be?

Uh...

Can I at least take a shower first?

Oh, God.

Hopper? Are you there?

Oh! Look who it is!

We need to talk.

Yeah, we do.

I haven't been stood up like that
since Alice Gilbert in the 9th grade.

What are you doing?

Joyce.

- Hello?
- Just watch.

Okay, you're freaking me out.

- You slipped on this, remember?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it fell in the night.
It lost its magnetism.

- Oh, did it?
- And the same exact thing happened

at my house the day before.

- Wow.
- And I thought, "Okay, that's weird."

Right? Why are all these magnets
suddenly losing their magnetism?

- Uh-huh?
- So, I went and saw Scott.

Scott.

Who's Scott?

- Scott Clarke.
- Your child's science teacher?

He's pretty brilliant, actually.

And I asked him, "How is this happening?"

And he built this magnetic field
using an AC transformer

and plugging it into a solenoid.

And... And with that solenoid,
which basically...

Slow down, slow down.

I just want to get this exactly right,
okay?

You stand me up...

no phone call, no apology,

because you had to go
to Scott Clarke's house.

Yeah.

You've outdone yourself, Joyce.

You really have.
No, you've outdone yourself.

Oh, come on, Hop,
you're not even listening to me.

Scott was able to demagnetize
some of the magnets, and he thinks...

I don't care what Scott thinks!

He thinks that a large-scale
magnetic field could be built

using some sort of machine
or... or experimental technology.

He's brilliant, isn't he?

He's really brilliant. Is he single too?

What if it's them?

To build a machine like this,
you need resources.

You need scientists, you need funding,

- tens of millions of dollars.
- Joyce.

It can't just be a coincidence, Hopper.

It has to be them.

Joyce, stop.

It has to be the lab.

It is impossible.

- Well, then, prove it to me.
- Prove it?

- Yeah, take me back there.
- To the lab.

Yeah, I wanna go back.

Because some magnets
fell off your fridge.

Yes.

Okay, makes sense.

Thank you.

It makes sense.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little busy right now,
bu t maybe we can meet up there,

like tonight, like seven o'clock?

You know, of course,
unless something comes up

- which, you know, it will.
- You know,

after everything that's happened,

this is no joke.

No, I don't think it's a joke.

I think that when I asked you out,
I think you got scared.

I think you got scared, and now,
you're inventing things.

You're inventing things
to get worked up about

so that you can push me away.

Because God forbid

any of us

move on!

Because that...

that would be...

I mean, that would be
too much, right, Joyce?

You know?

That would be too much,
wouldn't it, Joyce?

Wouldn't it, Joyce?

Joyce?

Joyce!

- What the hell are you doing?
- I need to borrow these.

No, you're not going back there.

Joyce...

Joyce, you're not going back there...

Son of a bitch!

It's gonna start pouring soon.

We should be at the mall
or, like, watching a movie or something.

You don't believe me?

I believe you saw some
super weird stuff, totally,

but you said Mike has
sensed you in there before, right?

So maybe it was just like that.
Maybe Billy just...

sensed you somehow.

- But the screams.
- Yeah, I know, but here's the thing.

When Billy is alone with a girl,

they make, like, really crazy noises.

- They scream?
- Yeah, but, like... happy screams.

- Happy screams? What is happy screams?
- It's like...

I'm just gonna lend you
my mom's Cosmo.

His car's not here.

You really want to do this?

Why do I get the feeling we're gonna find
all kinds of wrong in here?

Ugh!

Gag me with a spoon.

Max?

Ice. It's just ice.

Probably for his muscles or something.
He works out like a maniac.

El, what is it?

You sure about this?

You really are your mother's son,
you know that?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means...

you worry too much.

- Huh.
- I got this, okay?

Okay.

So, what exactly are we looking at here?
Is this the Driscoll lady's stuff?

No. No, see, that's the thing. I mean,

listen, I thought she was crazy too, but...

She told me Johnson k*lled Kennedy.

But, it turns out, she's not alone.

Blackburn's Supply, Hawkins Farming,
the Crawleys,

they've all had some supplies go missing,
all in the past few days.

And it's not just fertilizer.

It's pesticides, cleaning supplies,
diesel fuel.

And that's just from one day
of calling around. I mean...

there's gotta be more.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Let me get this little...

story of yours straight.

So, little rodents have gone cuckoo
in their furry little minds

and they're running around
the town of Hawkins,

dining out on chemicals.

I know how it sounds, but...

But you've got proof!

I mean, fellas, you gotta admit,
it's a hell of a headline, right?

"Hawkins Rodents Prefer Poison:
Nutjob Tells All."

Guys, that's enough.

I think this is...

big.

Bigger than one article.

In fact,
I think this has got to be a book.

The Mysterious Case
of the Missing Fertilizer,

a Nancy Drew mystery.

Next time a call comes in,

do what you were hired for,

and let us know, yeah?

Ah...

We'll decide what's a story
and what's not.

Okay.

Bye-bye, Nancy Drew.

Hey, it's okay. Nancy. Nancy!

Excuse me.

Ahoy!

I'd like to try the peanut butter
chocolate swirl, please.

No. No more samples today.

Why not?

Because you're abusing our company policy.

Where's the sailor man?

Sorry, he can't help you. He's busy.

Busy with what?

Spycraft.

You see anything?

Uh, I guess I don't totally know
what I'm looking for.

Evil Russians.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know
what an evil Russian looks like.

- Tall, blond, not smiling.
- Mm-hmm?

Also, look for earpieces,

camo, duffel bags,
that sort of thing.

Right, okay, duffel bags.

- Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
- What?

Anna Jacobi's talking
with that meathead Mark Lewinsky.

If you're not gonna focus,
just gimme the binoculars.

Aw, Jesus Christ,
whatever happened to standards?

I mean,
Lewinsky never even came off the bench.

Dude, you are the worst spy in history,
you know that?

- Stop, hey. Stop.
- Give me those.

I don't get why you're looking at girls.
You have the perfect one in front of you.

- Seriously, if you say Robin again...
- Robin.

- No, don't. No.
- Robin, Robin, Robin.

- Stop, no, no, no.
- Robin. Robin.

- Robin.
- No.

- Robin.
- No!

No, man, she's not my type.

She's not even...

in the ballpark of what my type is,
all right?

What's your type again? Not awesome?

- Thank you.
- Hm.

For your information,
she's still in school. And she's weird.

She's a weirdo. And she's hyper.

I don't like that she's hyper.

And she did drama.
That's a bad look.

And she's in band?

- No.
- Now that you're out of high school,

which means you're technically an adult,
don't you think it's time you move on

from primitive constructs
such as popularity?

Oh, primitive constructs? That some
stupid sh*t you learned at Camp...

Know... Nothing?

Camp Know Where, actually.

- And no, it's sh*t I learned from life.
- Hm.

Instead of dating somebody
you think's gonna make you cooler,

why not date somebody you actually enjoy
being around?

Like me and Suzie.

Oh, Suzie.

Yeah, you mean,
"hotter than Phoebe Cates."

Yeah, that Suzie.

And, uh, let's think about

how exactly did you score
that beautiful girlfriend?

Oh, yeah. With my advice.

Because that's how this works, Henderson.

I give you the advice, you follow through.

Not the other way around,
all right, pea-brain?

Do you guys hear that?

It sounds like... thunder.

But, no, wait. That's not thunder.

It's...

a horde of juju zombies!

Sir Mike, your action.

What should I do?

att*ck?

Okay, I att*ck with my flail.

Whoosh!

You miss.

Your flail clanks the stone, the zombie
horde lumbers towards you, and...

the juju bites your arm. Flesh tears!

Aah!

Seven points of damage.

Oh, no, my arm.

Lucas, look, my arm.

Sir Lucas, the zombie horde roars!

Do you fight back or do you run?

No! It's a distraction!

A trap. Do not answer it.

What... No!

El?

No.

Sorry, not interested.

Telemarketers.

Maybe we should just call them.

We can do that?

- I think so.
- Yeah, but what would we say?

We'll say nothing! The Khuisar tribe
still needs your help.

All right, then.

I'll use my torch to set fire
to the chambers, sacrificing ourselves,

k*lling the jujus, and saving the Khuisar.

We all live on as heroes
in the memories of the Kalamar.

Victory.

Okay. Fine.

You guys win.

- Congratulations.
- Will, I was just messing around.

Hey, let's finish for real.

- How much longer is the campaign?
- Just forget it, Mike.

No, you want to keep playing, right?

Y-Yeah, totally.

- We'll just call the girls afterwards.
- I said forget it, Mike, okay?

- I'm going home.
- But...

- Come on, Will.
- Move!

Will, come on.

You can't leave. It's raining.

Listen, I said I was sorry, all right?

It's a cool campaign. It's really cool.

- We're just not in the mood right now.
- Yeah, Mike. That's the problem.

You guys are never in the mood anymore.

- You're ruining our party.
- That's not true.

Really? Where's Dustin right now?

See? You don't know
and you don't even care.

And obviously he doesn't either
and I don't blame him.

You're destroying everything,
and for what?

So you can swap spit
with some stupid girl?

El's not stupid.

It's not my fault you don't like girls.

I'm not trying to be a jerk. Okay?

But we're not kids anymore.

I mean, what did you think, really?

That we were never gonna get girlfriends?

We were just gonna sit
in my basement all day

and play games for the rest of our lives?

Yeah.

I guess I did.

I really did.

Will.

Will!

Will, come on!

Excuse me.

No one in the water
until 30 minutes after the last strike.

And don't try and argue with me.

You wanna get electrocuted,
go climb a tree.

Yeah, we don't care.
We're not here to swim.

Or get electrocuted.

We found this.

Does that belong to anybody?

Oh, yeah.

That's Heather's.

I'll get it back to her.

We could give it back to her.

You could.

'Cept she's not here.

Bailed on me today.

What is this?

You girls want a reward or somethin'?

No.

We're just...

Good Samaritans.

Heather.

Do you think you can find her?

No way!

What do you see?

A door.

A red door.

Help me.

Help me!

No!

What happened? El!

Hello?

Anybody home?

We come in peace.

No!

No!

Let's go!

Joyce.

You okay?

I'm fine.

You want to wait in the car?

I said I'm fine.

- Target acquired.
- Where?

- Ten o'clock. Sam Goody's.
- Give me that.

sh*t.

Duffel bag.

Evil Russian.

Slow down.

We're losin' him.

- You're getting too close.
- Watch it, dickwad.

Hello. Yes. I am fine.

How are you?

All right, everyone, listen up!

I just have one question for you.

Who...

is ready to sweat?

That's right!

Okay! Let's start it nice and easy now.

Let's move our thighs. Yeah!

Yeah, ladies, warm it up.

Bring it down to your hips.

Start feeling that burn,

everywhere, down in the loins, right?

Come on, ladies, show me what you got.

Slow now. Just isolate.

Ooh, tip that up. That feels good!

"The week is long."

The silver cat feeds
when blue meets yellow in the west.

"A trip to China sounds nice
if you tread lightly."

"Tread lightly"?

- Delivery for you.
- Thank you.

- Have a nice day.
- Yeah, you too.

Silver cat.

Silver cat.

You're not gonna believe
who Dustin thought was a Russian.

- You did too.
- No, I did not.

- Yes, you did.
- No, I did not.

"A trip to China sounds nice."

A trip to China sounds nice.

A trip to China sounds nice.

A trip to China sounds nice.

A trip to China sounds nice.

"If you tread lightly."

If you tread...

If you tread...

If you tread lightly.

"When... When blue and yellow
meet in the west."

When blue meets yellow...

in the west.

Robin.

What are you doing?

- I cracked it.
- Cracked what?

I cracked the code.

Oh-ho-ho! Oh!

There it is!

Careful! It might have rabies!

Better get that thing outta here.

You don't want it eatin' the tires
off your car.

Come on!

What...

- What's this?
- Proof.

Proof?

They said they wanted proof, right?
So let's give it to 'em.

A rubber rat?

No, the real rat.

Driscoll's rat.

You said yourself it looked sick.

We can take it
to an animal control center,

they can run some blood tests on it,

- figure out what's wrong with it...
- Whoa, Nancy, slow down.

Tom didn't ask for proof.

He asked us to drop the story.

That's because he didn't believe us.

Nancy.

I'm right.

That's not the point.

Then what's the point?

You should've thought about that
before you talked to them.

All right? They're assholes, okay?
I get it.

But it's just some stupid story.

Oh, it's stupid?

It's stupid to get fired over.

No one's going to fire us.

Look, if you don't want to go,
that's fine.

Just...

give me the keys.

You're relentless, you know that?

Come on.

Nobody's home.

All the cavities
have been filled.

I watched 'em do it, Joyce.

Will!

It's over.

It's over.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

You're not losing your mind.

Not any more than I am.

You know, the other day,
I almost sh*t Betsy Payne's dog

because it came rushing at me
from behind this fence, and I...

I swear to God, I thought it was
one of those things.

You know that I'm keeping
a close eye on things, right?

- Yeah.
- Because it's important to me.

It is important to me that you feel safe.

That you and your family feel safe.

I want you to feel

like this can still be your home.

What?

You didn't think I'd find out about that?

Gary called me.

He said he's fixing up your house
to put on the market.

The kids know yet?

After Sarah...

I had to get away.

I had to get the hell out of that place,
you know?

Outrun those, uh...

those memories, I guess.

I mean, why do you think
I ended up back in this sh*thole?

But you have something that I never had.

You have people that know
what you've been through.

You have people that care about you.

Right here.

In Hawkins.

You mean...

You mean, people like Scott Clarke.

That was a joke.

Mm.

What's that?

Wait here.

Will!

Will, I'm sorry, man, all right?

I was being a total assh*le.

Please, can you just come outside
and we'll talk?

Will!

Hey, Will!

Come on, man! We're sorry!

Will!

Something is coming,

something hungry for blood.

- What is it?
- What if it's the Demogorgon?

Oh, Jesus, we're so screwed
if it's the Demogorgon.

It's not the Demogorgon.

- Will, your action!
- Fireball!

Fourteen!

Direct hit! Will the Wise's fireball
hits the thessalhydra!

- ♪ Who you gonna call? ♪
- ♪ Ghostbusters! ♪

- Egon!
- Venkman!

Stupid.

So stupid.

So stupid.

Stupid.

Mrs. Driscoll?

Oh, she must not be home.

She's an 80-year-old woman
and it's pouring.

Where else would she be?

- Whoa, what are you doing?
- Maybe she fell.

Or something.

Nancy...

Mrs. Driscoll?

- Seriously?
- Mrs. Driscoll?

It's Nancy.

From The Hawkins Post.

Mrs. Driscoll?

Mrs. Driscoll?

Look for Imperial Panda
and Kaufman Shoes.

They're with that whistling guy,
ten o'clock.

- What do you think's in there?
- g*ns, bombs?

Chemical weapons?

Whatever it is,
they're armed to the teeth.

Great.

That's great.

Hey, what's in there?

It's just more boxes.

Let me check it out.

- No, I'm still looking.
- Lemme see it.

Hang on!

Duck!

Stay here.

Watch the door.

Well, I think we found your Russians.

This is Hawkins Chief of Police!
Come out with your hands up!

You hear me? Hands up!

Hopper!

Hopper!

Hopper!

Hopper! Hopper!

Is this it?

- This is her house.
- What?

Heather's house.

Isn't that cute, huh?

He's so funny.

Max.

We didn't mean to... barge in.

We tried to knock, but...
maybe you didn't hear us over the storm.

I'm sorry, who is this dripping
all over my living room right now?

I'm sorry.

Janet, Tom,

this...

is my sister, Maxine.

Oh!

What on earth are you doing here?

Is something wrong?

We just wanted to make sure
everything was okay.

Okay?

- Why wouldn't it be okay?
- Where is she?

I'm sorry.

Where is who?

Well, they're a little burnt, I'm sorry...

Heather! This is my sister, Maxine.

And, I'm sorry,
I did not quite catch your name.

El.

El.

Now, what is it you were saying, El?

You were looking for somebody?

I... I saw...

- I saw you...
- Your manager. At the pool.

He said you guys didn't come in
to work today, so we got worried.

Heather wasn't feeling so hot today,

so we thought we'd take the day off
to nurse her back to health.

But you're feeling just fine right now,
aren't you, Heather?

I'm feeling so much better.

Do you girls want a cookie?

They're fresh out of the oven.

Will!

Will!

What happened? Are you okay?

He's back.

♪ He was singin' ♪

♪ Bye bye Miss American Pie... ♪

Is everything all right?

Yes.

Everything's fine.

Your sister really didn't want to stay?

No, she's just not...

you know, really a people person.

Well, I just don't like the idea of them
out there in the storm like that.

Oh, they'll be fine.

Oh!

I told you to slow down on that wine,
Janet.

Yes, darling.

Are you okay, Mommy?

Yes, I'm... I'm just...

feeling a little lightheaded is all.

Hm. It's all that wine.

I'm sorry. Um, if you'll excuse me,

I'm just gonna go upstairs
and lie down for a bit.

Janet?

♪ ...half-time air was sweet perfume... ♪

Janet? Janet?

Janet!

Janet! Call 911!

Call 91...

♪ ...never got the chance... ♪

I'm really sorry about this, Daddy,

but it'll all be over soon, I promise.

♪ ...we started singin' ♪

♪ Bye bye Miss American Pie ♪

♪ Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry ♪

♪ Them good ol' boys
Were drinking whiskey and rye ♪

♪ Singin' this'll be the day that I die ♪

♪ This'll be the day that I die ♪

♪ Oh, and there we were all in one place ♪

♪ A generation lost in space ♪

♪ With no time left to start again ♪

♪ So come on Jack be nimble ♪

♪ Jack be quick ♪

♪ Jack Flash sat on a candlestick ♪

♪ 'Cause fire is the Devil's only friend ♪

♪ Oh, and as I watched him on the stage ♪

♪ My hands were clenched
In fists of rage ♪

♪ No angel born in Hell ♪

♪ Could break that Satan's spell ♪

♪ And as the flames climbed high
Into the night ♪

♪ To light the sacrificial rite ♪

♪ I saw Satan laughing with delight ♪

♪ The day the music d*ed ♪

♪ He was singin' ♪

♪ Bye bye Miss American Pie ♪

♪ Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry ♪

♪ Them good ol' boys
Were drinking whiskey and rye ♪

♪ Singin' this'll be the day that I die ♪

♪ This'll be the day that I die ♪