02x05 - Marionettes

[bunniefuu]

[news vendor]

Queen's critic is at it again!

Peer att*cks the Queen!

[man] Thank you.

Queen's critic!

Queen's critic is at it again!

-Good morning, Jack.

-Good morning, sir.

I'll take one of each

this morning, please.

-And the Sunday as well.

-Oh, a bit of light reading, eh?

That's right.

Queen's critic is at it again!

Peer att*cks the Queen!

No, I shan't have anything.

Sorry, dear.

[chattering]

-I think he's right.

-Do you?

Yeah. Now I think about it,

she is a bit priggish.

-[couple laughs]

-[bell dings]

[chattering]

Here he comes, here he comes.

[man] There he is.

-[policeman] Please, gentlemen.

-[policeman 2] Don't push.

-Lord Altrincham?

-Yes.

[crowd gasps]

You traitor!

[crowd chattering]

[ticking]

Really?

Really?

Really?

Well, I shall certainly let

Her Majesty know. Thank you.

[ticking]

Time and tide, Mr. Conservator.

[chuckles] Wait for no man,

Private Secretary.

-[Adeane] Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon, sir.

[door opens]

[footsteps approaching]

[sighs]

[door closes]

What is it now?

Lord Altrincham has been struck.

Dumb, I hope.

Better than that, ma'am.

In the face.

Quite forcefully, I'm told.

By whom?

Which gallant and chivalrous individual?

Afraid we don't have

those details yet, ma'am.

The incident occurred

outside the television studios,

and the perpetrator is now on his way

to the Bow Street Police Station,

where we expect him to be released

without charge.

How very gratifying.

Yes. Very.

Which television studios?

The Independent Television

Network Studios, ma'am,

where Altrincham had

just recorded an interview.

For what?

A program appropriately called Impact.

When will it air?

Tonight, ma'am. Nine o'clock.

[clocks chiming]

[ Impact theme music plays on television]

[announcer on television] Tell the people.

Tell them on television.

Questions in the public mind,

answered by people in the public eye.

This is Impact,

the program that examines

the most important matters of the moment

-and brings the debate to you at home.

-[Philip] Sorry I'm late.

[announcer] Robin Day puts the questions.

It's just starting.

Tonight, we have a man who,

because of press activity in recent days,

probably needs no introduction,

Lord Altrincham.

In the space of just a few days,

his inflammatory

and deeply personal att*cks on the Queen

in a periodical of which

he is also publisher,

have become the most pressing issue

of the day

and caused something

of a constitutional crisis.

So, I'd like to begin by asking

Lord Altrincham a simple question.

She's our head of state,

loved, respected and admired

throughout the world,

so why do you hate her so very much?

[news vendors shouting]

[news vendor] National

and English Review, two shillings!

Your National and English Review!

-Morning, Fred!

-Good morning, sir.

National and English Review,

two shillings!

[Altrincham] ...far too long.

People are beginning to notice,

and that is why the...

And that is why the ending

of doctrinal tests

and the introduction of women priests

is the only viable solution

for saving the Church of England,

an institution that is becoming

increasingly outdated and irrelevant

hour by hour.

Who's got a thousand words

for me on that?

-[Humphrey] Hello, Patricia.

-Would anyone like some toffee?

Bring it over here, Patricia darling.

-Oh, divine.

-Much like Patricia herself.

Come, come, my dear. Be seated.

Right. If no one's keen

on the church story,

I can knock something up.

Now, a piece on

reforming the House of Lords.

Dermot, you were going to look at that,

weren't you?

-Something nutty about it?

-Mm, molasses.

And Europe,

we need to work out our official stance.

Are we for or against

a single European market?

Are we in or out?

-Toffee, John?

-Oh, you must try some, John.

I'm afraid I have a thing against toffee.

Why didn't I know that?

You can't know everything about me.

It's not the taste I object to so much.

I just have... painful memories.

As a child, I was sitting

in a dentist's chair

because of a piece of toffee I ate.

Mm.

Oh, Lord.

Not again.

Sorry.

[mumbling] I've...

[Adeane] "Perhaps you don't understand

that on your steadfastness

and ability to withstand

the fatigue of dull, repetitive work,

and your great courage in meeting

constant small adversities,

depend, in great measure,

the happiness and prosperity

of the community... as a whole.

The upward course of a nation's history

is due, in the long run,

to the soundness of heart

of its average men and women."

Um...

Working men and women?

It has a touch more dignity, uh...

[Adeane] No, I think "average" is fine.

Thought you might be interested

to see this.

It's a draft of the speech the Queen's

going to give in a week's time.

I don't mind telling you

I felt a bit uneasy about it.

Sir.

[sighs]

[Adeane] Yes?

Sir, forgive me if I'm interfering

beyond my station...

-Tommy.

-Martin.

You were about to interfere

beyond your station.

Uh, [stutters] it's concerning the speech

the Queen is due to give next week

at the Jaguar car factory.

-What about it?

-[Charteris] I was just... wondering

if you were happy with it.

Well, obviously I'm happy with it,

or I wouldn't have shown it

to Her Majesty

for the approval

which she immediately gave.

-Did the Queen read it?

-[Adeane] She didn't need to.

She merely asked if I was happy.

I replied in the affirmative.

-That was good enough for Her Majesty.

-[Lascelles] Hm.

[Adeane] But I can see that

the really important question is,

is it good enough for Colonel Charteris?

You don't think it strikes

the wrong tone?

In which sense?

[exhales] In its... uh, paternalism.

May I?

Thank you.

[stuttering] I suppose

if I had a concern...

it would be that, post-Suez,

in this new climate...

in this new Britain...

the tone of the speech is... somewhat...

Somewhat what?

Old-fashioned.

And would leave her open to att*ck.

-[Lascelles] From whom?

-The newspapers.

People.

If I had a shilling for every time

someone of a progressive

or liberal disposition had warned

needlessly of a popular att*ck

against the Crown, I'd be a rich man.

The British people adore their sovereign.

It is what constitutes, indeed defines,

being British.

No, the worst I've ever encountered

is, uh, apathy,

where people simply accept

the King or Queen

as they accept

the sky above their heads.

But it's a long way

from apathy to insurrection.

Now, as regards the newspapers,

the Crown can count on their support

for two reasons:

first, there is nothing to att*ck.

That's the advantage

of a constitutional monarchy.

They have no power

so there's nothing to complain about.

And even if they wanted to,

they'd always let us know first.

The palace would then

thr*aten them with a boycott

on the next major royal event,

causing the newspapers immediately

to back down.

Because the very people you fear

will hate the Queen

are the same ones who buy copies

in their millions.

Why? Because they love her.

So I'm worrying unnecessarily?

Martin, I shall leave the drawing

of that inescapable conclusion to you.

[sighs]

I'm going to take it in

a little shorter, ma'am,

-and rounder at the back.

-Lovely.

[Handel's "Zadok the Priest" playing]

♪ Zadok, the priest ♪

♪ And Nathan, the prophet ♪

♪ Anointed ♪

♪ Solomon king ♪

Thank you. I-- I... like it very much.

[train whistle blows]

[chattering]

[Elizabeth] Ah.

Thank you.

I thought you were hoping

for more children from me.

I am.

Then why on earth would you do

something like that to your hair?

What's wrong with it?

-[train whistle blows]

-I thought it was tidy and... sensible.

Adjectives to stir the loins.

Apparently it's very à la mode.

All the regimental wives

are wearing their hair like this now.

-[Philip] Really?

-Yes.

[Philip] Well,

it's certainly very practical.

And should you ever feel compelled

to ride a motorcycle,

it could always double as a helmet.

Well, I like it.

[Philip laughs]

[Philip] No, I have nothing

against it personally.

-[Philip laughs]

-Stop it.

Sure it will provide ample protection

against any falling masonry.

[laughing]

But... if enlarging the family

and enticing your husband

to procreate is the goal...

It is.

...then you might take a look

at Jayne Mansfield...

or Rita Hayworth.

Ooh, Rita Hayworth. [chuckles]

[clamoring]

[man] Sir William Lyons, Your Majesty.

-Welcome, Your Majesty.

-Thank you. Hello.

How do you do?

It's very, uh, spacious.

This is our research and development area.

[Philip] Splendid. Now we're talking.

May I introduce you, ma'am,

to Nigel Willoughby?

He sketches all of our prototypes.

You studied drawing, did you?

Lovely. Very good to see it.

-And that's the chassis.

-It is, indeed.

A finished MK-1, Your Majesty.

Ah. It's lovely.

With top speeds

of over 100 miles per hour.

Quite the thing.

I've always been interested

in the red leather.

Is it horse or cow?

Hello.

[Elizabeth] I wish first to express to you

my very great pleasure

at being here today.

My husband and I

have been most profoundly moved

by your hospitable welcome

and would like you to know

how very grateful we are to you all...

-Thank you.

-...for the work that you do.

We understand that in the turbulence

of this anxious and active world,

many of you are leading

uneventful, lonely lives...

where dreariness is the enemy.

[murmuring]

Perhaps you don't understand

that on your steadfastness and ability

to withstand the fatigue of dull,

repetitive work...

depend, in great measure, the happiness

and prosperity of the community

as a whole.

The upward course of a nation's history

is due, in the long run,

to the soundness of heart

of its average men and women.

May you be proud to remember

how much depends on you,

and that even when your life

seems most monotonous...

what you do is always of real value

and importance to your fellow...

[John Barry and The Seven's

"Let's Have a Wonderful Time" playing]

[chuckling]

♪ Come on, everybody

Let's have a wonderful time ♪

Lord Altrincham?

Evening edition! News Chronicle!

Evening edition!

Ah. I need a favor, some typing.

Oh, you're going home.

I don't need to be.

I've just heard a ridiculous speech

by the Queen,

and I want to write an immediate response.

No, I'll... I'll find someone else.

No, no, it's no trouble.

I had nothing else planned.

Thank you.

[upbeat music playing]

[typewriter clattering]

-I've had another thought.

-Super.

A rather heretical thought.

I got the idea

from something Walter Bagehot said

about the first duty of royalty

being to inspire.

[train whistle blows]

[bagpipes playing]

[clamoring]

[crowd cheering]

Hello.

I trust you had a safe journey,

Your Majesty.

-Yes, very lovely.

-Good to be back.

[Elizabeth] Well, let's hope

it brightens up later.

[stags grunting]

[clicks]

[g*nsh*t]

[stag grunts]

Good sh*t, ma'am.

[news vendor] National and English

Review! National and English Review!

Thank you. Two shillings

for National and English Review.

Thank you, sir. Morning.

-Thank you, madam.

-[coins clink]

National and English Review.

Two shillings, thank you very much.

There we go, sir.

Thank you very much. Two shillings.

I see.

Right.

Well, thank you.

[car door closes]

Sorry to disturb, Your Majesty,

Your Royal Highness.

Just to say it might be worth

avoiding certain newspapers this morning.

Why? What's your sister done now?

Nothing to do with

Princess Margaret, sir. Uh...

It's an article written

by Lord Altrincham.

Never heard of him. You?

Taken originally

from his own publication...

The National and English Review.

Never heard of that, either.

Which several newspapers have chosen

to run, partially or in full.

What kind of article?

It's quite a critical article, ma'am.

What gives him the right?

Tell me honestly, Mommy...

is there any part of you

that agrees with him?

Certainly not.

And that's not just your mother

saying that.

The palace press secretary called me

an hour ago to say

the vast majority of the country

not only disagrees with Altrincham

but is disgusted by him.

It's an irrelevant article

written by an irrelevant man

for an irrelevant publication...

only picked up because it's August,

people are on holiday,

government is in recess,

and there's nothing to write about.

Today, 85% of the country

is against him.

By tomorrow, it will be 95%.

That man's going to wish

he'd never been born.

[crowd shouting]

-[man] Traitor!

-[man 2] Coward!

[crowd shouting]

[Humphrey] Excuse me!

Excuse me. Thank you.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Thank you.

I asked you to come because

I had a phone call an hour ago

from a television producer,

inviting me to record

an interview this afternoon.

Which program?

Impact. With Robin Day.

I wish it weren't Day.

We all wish it weren't Day,

he's terrifying.

[Patricia] Don't be silly.

The fact that it's Day

is what makes it valuable.

You don't think I'm walking into a trap?

You walked into the trap

when you wrote the article.

Now you're the most unloved individual

in Britain.

Ironically, Day is the one person

who could help you.

Why? [scoffs]

You've seen how he interviews people.

He dismembers them.

Tears them to shreds.

Yes, but keep your cool

under his scrutiny...

make your case politely,

respectfully, intelligently.

It could turn people around.

[Altrincham] Thank you very much.

[reporters chattering]

-Lord Altrincham. How do you do?

-How do you do?

-Shall we?

-Yes.

[producer] This way. Thank you for coming.

[Altrincham] Not at all.

How long do we have until we start?

[producer] We'll pop into makeup quickly.

We should start in ten minutes.

-Just here, if you will.

-Right.

-Help yourself to water.

-[Altrincham] Thank you.

[producer] Shouldn't be too long.

-All good?

-[cameraman] All good.

[producer] He's standing by, sir.

-[Day] And he's prepared?

-[producer] Ready as he can be.

[Day] Let's make a start.

You've been told how all this works?

Recording now, transmission tonight?

-[floor manager] Stand by, studio.

-Yes. Thank you.

-[bell rings]

-[floor manager] Five, four, three...

[Day] Tonight, we have a man who,

because of press activity in recent days,

probably needs no introduction.

Lord Altrincham.

In the space of just a few days,

his inflammatory

and deeply personal att*cks on the Queen,

in a periodical of which

he is also publisher,

have become the most pressing issue

of the day

and caused something

of a constitutional crisis.

So, I'd like to begin by asking

Lord Altrincham a simple question.

She's our head of state,

loved, respected and admired

around the world,

so why do you hate her so very much?

I... I don't.

Then why criticize her like this?

[stutters] That's like asking

an art critic why he criticizes art.

I'm a passionate monarchist

who believes constitutional monarchy

is Britain's greatest invention.

[scoffs] Do you, indeed?

Yes, I do.

I believe that monarchy provides clarity.

A symbolic head of state,

transcending the self-serving interests

of the egocentric

and self-motivated politicians

who go in and out of office,

who, as King Lear wonderfully says,

"ebb and flow by the moon."

But when working at its best,

monarchy can rise above such matters

and unify a society.

It can set the tone and become

the embodiment of the nation,

of national character.

But the problem is, at the moment, it's--

It's not doing that.

It's doing very little right,

as far as you're concerned.

No, that's not true.

You would like to see Her Majesty

endowed with superhuman powers.

It's not superhuman

to be a little spontaneous.

Judging from your article,

you'd like the Queen to have

the qualities of a wit, you'd like her

to be a better orator, a TV personality,

in addition to being a diligent,

dutiful and devoted monarch and a mother.

All I'm suggesting is that,

in her public speeches

and in her appearances,

she should be more, uh, natural.

Her style of speaking is, quite frankly,

a pain in the neck.

She sounds strangled.

I had the misfortune of hearing

one of the Queen's speeches

in a dental waiting room recently.

I was horrified

by the indifference and inertia

with which the speech was greeted.

[Day] But you'd accept that being Queen

and head of the Church of England

is not an easy job or a simple one?

If you'll forgive me,

it's arguably a harder job

than editing a small periodical.

[laughs] No, I quite agree. Her Majesty

has a seemingly impossible task.

She has to be ordinary and extraordinary,

touched by divinity and yet one of us,

but being ordinary doesn't have to mean

bland or ineffectual.

Or forgettable.

[Day] And against whom do you lay

the main charge? Her courtiers?

[Altrincham] Well, in the end, if the

court is wrong, if the setup is wrong,

you have no choice

but to criticize the boss.

The Queen?

Yes, because only the boss

can get rid of the bad servants.

She hires them.

She alone can fire them.

Now, they may be bad, I believe

some of them at the moment are.

They're quite dreadful, but it is

her responsibility, it's not theirs,

in the sense that they

are just hired hands.

And so the personal att*ck

on the monarch continues.

[Altrincham] Let me just say this.

To criticize the monarchy,

to criticize Her Majesty, personally,

gives me no satisfaction.

But we have to remember that,

since the Second World w*r,

since Suez, Britain has changed

beyond recognition.

And yet the monarchy continues

its pre-w*r routines

as though nothing has happened.

I believe it would serve the Queen

and her courtiers well to remember

that until recently, monarchies were

the rule and republics the exception,

but today, republics are the rule

and monarchies very much the exception.

[Day] Lord Altrincham, I have

to terminate the interview.

I'm obliged to you

for answering my questions.

Next week at the same time,

there will be another edition of Impact.

Good night.

That went very well.

-Thank you again, Lord Altrincham.

-Thank you. Good day.

Thank you.

I thought he was even scarier

in real life than I, uh...

-Lord Altrincham?

-Yes.

[crowd gasps]

You traitor!

[man laughing]

-[man] Is that him? It is, isn't it?

-[man 2] Well done.

-[man 3] Congratulations.

-[man 4] Well done. Well done, sir.

-[Altrincham] A glass of white?

-[man 5] Well done.

Or something stronger?

What about a brandy?

Why not?

Well done.

Humphrey.

Well done. You looked incredibly calm.

-Really?

-Man of the hour. Really.

-Your Majesty.

-Yes, what is it, Michael?

There have been some reactions

in the newspapers

to last night's television interview,

and to the as*ault upon Lord Altrincham.

[stuttering] I'm afraid it's not quite

as we'd hoped.

[Elizabeth] Why not?

Uh, well, the man that

struck Altrincham, it turns out,

is a member of the extreme right

League of Empire Loyalists,

which is a pressure group that campaigns

against the dissolution of the Empire

and has a clear doctrine

of English racial supremacy.

Oh, dear.

And it seems that most people

have decided,

having watched Altrincham

on the television,

that he is eminently reasonable.

Now, almost half the country appears

to agree with his sentiments,

and there are new polls to support this.

Letters to the Daily Mirror

are running at four to one

in Altrincham's favor...

and even the normally conservative

Daily Mail...

changed its tune this morning.

Um, in addition,

and this, I believe,

reflects on his growing concern

at some of the telephone calls

he has been receiving...

the Prime Minister has suggested that

he come up a week earlier than planned,

in order to discuss it all

with you in person.

Goodness! A constitutional crisis.

Well, I hope you're going

to apologize to Mr. Macmillan, too.

[Adeane] Ma'am?

You're not going to deny this whole mess

springs from a badly written speech

which I gave, unquestioningly,

because I trusted you.

Perhaps Altrincham's right.

Perhaps I should surround myself

with younger, more dynamic people

with one foot in the real world!

Thank you, ma'am.

And you believe it's now

a government matter?

I do, ma'am.

Ambassadors from all around the world

have been calling me, concerned.

Her Majesty will hardly need reminding

a great many other countries

have overthrown their monarchies

and become republics in recent years.

Egypt, Bulgaria, Italy,

Tunisia only last month.

Of course we're not at that point.

Not at a red light.

We're not even at an amber.

But we'd hate it to become amber.

And so, it is my view,

the government's view,

that it would be wise

to contain this as soon as possible.

-And do what?

-The obvious thing.

Altrincham is a fire

which needs to be put out.

[Charles] Got you! [laughs]

-[both laughing]

-Got you!

[Charles] Got you!

The palace has offered up

a chap called Charteris.

To meet. I looked him up.

He used to be

her principal private secretary.

-Well, there you are.

-Before the King d*ed.

-When she was princess.

-And now?

He's assistant private secretary,

so not quite a pawn,

but certainly not a bishop

or knight, either.

Go.

Go, in order to be fobbed off?

Go in the spirit of openness

and wanting to work together.

If they wanted to work together,

-they would have sent someone higher up.

-Go.

All right.

And take a list of suggestions.

Recommendations.

Don't go empty-handed.

Not yet! John!

Your tooth! John!

Sorry.

[clamoring]

-[reporter] Do you have a comment, sir?

-Sorry.

[reporter 2] Lord Altrincham!

Lord Altrincham?

-Yes.

-[equerry] This way, please.

Good to know I'm seeing the top man.

In one sense.

Here we are, Lord Altrincham.

Colonel Charteris

will be with you shortly.

-Thank you.

-Sir.

[door opens, closes]

I see we have something in common.

[Elizabeth] And what would that be?

Your Majesty.

[stuttering] I was referring to the photos

of Eton and Sandhurst.

Hm. Which you attended too, I gather.

Yes.

Going on to become

an Officer of the Guards

at both St James's Palace

and Windsor Castle.

It doesn't quite fit the profile

of a revolutionary.

It's the assumption everyone has made.

Because I dare offer an opinion,

I must be trying to burn the temple down.

On the contrary,

I'm trying to make sure it survives.

Well, those of us in the temple

are very much looking forward

to hearing what it is we must do

in order to survive.

Shall we begin?

[Altrincham laughs]

Is my voice all right?

You can understand me?

-[stutters] Yes.

-Not too strangled?

Not too much a pain in the neck?

-No.

-Good.

So, what is it that

you'd have me change?

It's not so much

what I'd have you change,

just an acknowledgment

that it has changed.

-What?

-Everything.

And to prepare yourself for the fact

we now live in a time where...

people like me--

-Can say exactly what they think.

-Yes.

-In any way they want.

-Yes.

And, remind me, why is that, exactly?

Because the age of deference is over.

And what is left without deference?

Anarchy?

Equality.

How can it be equality

when I cannot return the fire?

You can.

But I struggle to think of a moment

in history where it has worked

to a monarch's advantage

to return fire on their own people.

But you have managed to think

of how this monarch

might do something to her advantage.

I have.

And that same monarch

is sitting before, forgive me...

a failed politician

and an unrecognized journalist...

and taking his advice

on how to do her job.

The situation is as baffling to me

as it is to you, Your Majesty.

-Ah. You've got a list.

-I do.

As you might know from my article,

I made a series of observations,

recommendations of things to change,

but for the purposes of this meeting,

I chose to limit those recommendations

to, um, six.

Six?

Three things to start

and three things to stop.

-Well, let's start with the "stops."

-Very well.

Ah, yes. Putting an end

to the debutantes' ball.

The idea that young women of a certain

class are presented to the sovereign,

and women who are not of that class

are not presented to the sovereign

and somehow not acceptable.

This is the sort of inequity

that should have d*ed out

with our grandparents' generation,

certainly after the w*r.

Next.

Uh...

Allow divorced people to move more freely

in royal circles.

Why?

The sovereign is head

of the Church of England,

and the Church does not recognize

divorced persons.

It's unkind. Discriminatory.

Quite possibly unlawful.

Next.

Uh...

I would recommend getting rid

of an entire generation of courtier.

The old school, stuck in the past.

Ostriches with their heads buried

in the sand.

They're stopping the palace evolve

in keeping with the rest of the world.

Those "ostriches" provide

an indispensable function of monarchy:

the preservation of tradition.

You asked for my recommendations,

ma'am.

I'm respectfully passing them on.

What would you have me start?

Open up, ma'am.

Lower the drawbridge.

Let people get to know you.

I don't wish to be known.

Televise the Christmas speech.

Become more transparent, accessible.

-And finally...

-Oh, finally.

...spend time with normal people.

Not just courtiers

or the great and the good,

but real people, average people.

Working people.

Open the doors.

Make it more inclusive and egalitarian.

Let normal people get to know you, too.

Would you mind stepping out

into the corridor for a moment?

[stutters] Not at all.

And would you ask

my private secretary to come in?

Of course.

Your Majesty.

[door closes]

[Altrincham] Colonel Charteris?

[Charteris] Your Majesty.

[door closes]

[door opens]

Lord Altrincham. Please.

[door closes]

[Altrincham] When I went back

into the room, she was gone.

Vanished into thin air.

Do sit down.

[Altrincham] Charteris then went on

to tell me that

no one can ever know that I met the Queen,

and that should I ever claim that I did,

the palace would robustly deny it.

They will, however,

concede that I had an appointment

with Her Majesty's

assistant private secretary,

and that concessions might be made

to one or two of my recommendations.

May I ask which ones?

Let's get these lights in.

Quickly. Easy with that camera.

[man] Right-o.

[producer] This one next. Well done.

Now, let's have the rest of the cables.

[sighs]

I feel like an actress.

A common little showgirl.

Don't be silly.

In what way am I different?

Memorizing lines and remembering angles,

wearing makeup?

Well, you're the Queen

of the United Kingdom for one thing.

[Elizabeth] Yes, who's memorizing lines

and remembering angles

and wearing makeup.

[knock on door]

[producer] Your Majesty.

Right.

-Where do you want me?

-This way, please, ma'am.

[producer] Ma'am.

[inaudible dialogue]

[floor manager] Five, four, three...

Happy Christmas.

Twenty-five years ago,

my grandfather broadcast

the first of these Christmas messages.

Today is another landmark,

because television has made it possible

for many of you to see me in your homes

on Christmas Day.

My own family often gather round

to watch the television,

as they are at this moment,

and that is how I think of you all now.

I very much hope that this new medium

will make my Christmas message

more personal and direct.

It is inevitable that I should seem

a rather remote figure to many of you,

a successor to the kings

and queens of history,

someone whose face may be familiar

in newspapers and films

but who never really touches

your personal lives.

But now, at least for a few minutes,

I welcome you into the peace

of my own home.

That it is possible for some of you

to see me today

is just another example of the speed

at which things are changing

all around us.

I would like to read a few lines

from Pilgrim's Progress.

'"And though, with great difficulty,

I am got hither,

yet now I do repent me

of all the trouble I have been at

to arrive where I am.

My sword I give to him

that shall succeed me in my pilgrimage

and my courage and skill

to him that can get it.

My marks and scars I carry with me

to be a witness for me

that I have fought his battles

who now will be my rewarder."

I hope that 1958 may bring you

God's blessings

and all the things that you long for.

And so I wish you all, young and old,

wherever you may be,

all the fun and enjoyment and peace

of a very happy Christmas.

[producer] And we're off air.

Congratulations, ma'am.

[chattering]

-[Margaret] Ah, hello.

-My, my.

You look pretty. I like the dress.

-Thank you.

-And the hair.

-Very unregimental.

-Mm, yes.

Tony knew the top person, of course.

The only stylist who could be trusted.

Does he have a name, this stylist?

I want to say Victor Gabon,

but that's not quite right.

Um...

Vidal Baboon?

-Vidal Baboon?

-Yes, I think.

Well, anyway, he talked endlessly

about hair as a geometric art form.

-It looks jolly pretty.

-Thank you.

If you happen to have a number for this

Baboon, I might pass it on to my wife.

Is that appropriate, by the way,

that a red-blooded man

should know the correct hairdresser

for a woman?

There's almost nothing

that's appropriate about Tony,

but he's made it his mission in life

to improve me.

[Philip] Mm.

-Your very own little Altrincham.

-Yes.

Just rather better in bed, I suspect.

-Oh, dear God.

-Look at them.

[chattering]

-There it is.

-[man] Thank you very much.

Who do you suppose that is?

It could be Mr. David Smith, a car dealer.

-[Elizabeth] And that?

-[Queen Mother] I believe...

that is Harry "The Hammer" Jones.

A boxer from the Old Kent Road.

Rounding up the numbers,

we have a local restaurateur,

a bus driver,

a bank clerk...

and a woman policeman.

All to open things up.

Yes.

Bring us more in line with the real world.

Democratize us.

And so it goes.

The stings and bites we suffer

as it slips away.

Bit by bit, piece by piece.

Our authority, our absolutism,

our divine rights.

[footsteps approaching]

[footman clears throat] Ma'am?

[Queen Mother] The history

of the monarchy in this country

is a one-way street of humiliation,

sacrifices and concessions

in order to survive.

First, the barons came for us,

then the merchants, now the journalists.

Small wonder we make such a fuss

about curtsies, protocol and precedent.

It's all we have left.

The last scraps of armor as we go

from ruling to reigning to--

-To what?

-To being nothing at all.

Marionettes.

-Right, gloves on.

-Ah.

I told the master of the household

to rotate the guests between courses,

so if you get a dud, don't worry,

it'll be 15 minutes at worst.

[Queen Mother sighs]

Mr. and Mrs. David Smith.

-Ah, David. Lovely to meet you.

-Ma'am.

-Hello.

-Very nice to meet you.

-Mr. and Mrs. Patel.

-[Elizabeth] Hello there.

Thank you for coming.

-Mr. Harry "The Hammer."

-[Elizabeth] I've heard so much about you.

-Thank you for coming.

-You look absolutely beautiful.

Mr. Martin Jones.

[speaking indistinctly]

-Sergeant Ethel Danmyer.

-Ah, hello there.

-Such a pleasure to have you here.

-[corgis barking]

Oh, here they come, dog-dogs.

There they go. [laughs]