02x04 - The Good, the Bad, & the Hendy

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "You". Aired: September 9, 2018 - present.*
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A clever bookstore manager relies on his savvy Internet know-how to make the woman of his dreams fall in love with him.
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02x04 - The Good, the Bad, & the Hendy

Post by bunniefuu »

[woman] I take care of him
every single day.

All day long. And you're gonna bawl me out
for one night with my friends?

[man] You think I'm stupid?

- You think I'm gonna believe this sh*t?
- No. I think you're paranoid.

You need help.

[man] I'm not done talking to you.

- [woman] Don't touch me!
- Or what? What are you gonna do?

- [woman] Let go of me. You're hurting me.
- You think I'm a fool?

Is that what you think of me?

- Why can't you just do right...
- No, please!

...and love me
like you're supposed to, huh?

[arguing indistinctly]

[slap]

[Joe] It's been said
that dreams are illustrations


from the book
your soul is writing about you.


So why do I keep dreaming
about my childhood?


Dr. Nicky would have said
I have unprocessed feelings


about how my parents
didn't take very good care of me.


But now you do.

In so many ways.

Hey, you.

[Joe] You make me kinder,

more selfless.

You make me feel good.

So good, I forget whatever darkness
resurfaced in my sleep.


I lose myself in you,

find myself through you,

and when I'm with you,

we're the only two people on Earth.

[phone chimes]

It's Forty.

Can that wait?

No, I ignored him three times last night.

Okay. Hey.

Lovey, where you been?

[Love] Uh, Phone d*ed. What's up?

Ted Hope is what's up.

Ran into him at NeueHouse.

Told him I am this close
to attaching Hendy to my new project,


and he wants to see the full pitch.

Can you even process that?

That's great.

That's really great.

Now all I need to do is mind meld
with our idea machine, Will.

You haven't heard from him, have you?

He... um... hmm.

Yeah, you know,
I haven't heard much from him.

[breathless]
The guy must really not be feeling well.

Yeah, poor guy. Oh.

One other thing.

My inner Sasquatch is coming out,

so I'm gonna need you
to, uh, cut my hair before this meeting.

Yeah, okay. Tomorrow afternoon?

Yeah. Uh, why do you sound
so out of breath?

I'm on the elliptical, you know. Gotta go.

[Joe] Old me would be annoyed
by such an intrusion.


But new me

- wasn't even fazed by it.
- [both panting]

- [Joe] And you know why that is.
- Oh, right there!

Because I finally feel

like I'm becoming a better man.

[Love moans]

That's so f*cking good!

[Joe] And it's all because of you.

[theme song playing]

Didn't peg you for an outer space guy.

Oh, it came with the apartment.

Along with the pink, fuzzy pillows.

Hey, you can see my house from here.

- All the better to spy on you.
- [gasps]

[Joe] Not that I've needed to
since I trust you completely.


[phone buzzing]

Let me guess.

Forty?

When you text him back just...

don't tell him about us.

[Joe] But if your brother knew about us,
maybe he'd give us some space.


Remind me again...

why "us" is a secret.

Whenever I start dating someone,

Forty tends to feel threatened.

You know, he doesn't have
many people to count on

so he needs me.

And his sobriety is always
the most fragile in the first...

you know, right after he's slipped.

Let's just give him a week or two

before we, you know,

shove our euphoria in his face.

[Joe] Even your empathy is a turn-on.

If you're euphoric now, just wait,

just wait until Santa Barbara
this weekend.

I know.

[phone buzzing]

[Joe] And there goes Santa Barbara.

What if...

we take a rain check

on Santa Barbara?

The more time you spend with him now,
the cooler he'll be when we do tell him.

[Joe] Anything for you, Love.

[outbound text]

[phone buzzes]

I'm seeing him tomorrow night.

Okay.

Well, I guess that means
we'll have to make up for that

lost Santa Barbara sex some other way.

[both chuckle]

[Joe] So, this is what it feels like
to be nourished and at peace.


Um what do you think you're doing?

[Ellie] Working on a project?

What project?

I told you, I don't want...

I'm not hanging out
with Henderson anymore.

[pauses music]

Why? What'd he do?

He just drinks too much.
It's embarrassing.

[Joe] This explains why she hasn't
been texting Henderson all week.


Huge relief.

Goetz's dad's girlfriend needs a PA

for a short that starts sh**ting
next week.

Painfully derivative,
but a credit's a credit.

[Ellie] Till then,

I'm expressing myself through collage.

[Joe] I never thought I'd say this,
but I feel for Delilah.


She's only trying to protect her sister
from the same sleazeball


she fell victim to.

Just... do not ruin my walls.

Yeah, she so wants to be at power top.

- Tell me about it.
- Mm-hmm.

Can you believe she put
that spy software on my phone?

[Joe] sh*t.

- You sure it was her?
- Who else would it be?

So you're not gonna tell her you know?

Obviously not.

It's way more useful
if she thinks it's still working.

[Joe] This is what I get
for trying to out-tech a teenager.


It's a good thing I have another way
to keep tabs.


[Joe] Henderson's jacktop.

Even if he's realized
it's gone missing by now,


I've disabled Find My Friends,

and he hasn't been diligent enough
to un-sync his IMs.


Ellie hasn't fallen in line,

she's gotten craftier.

I could tell Delilah, but then
I'd have to explain how I know.


[phone buzzing]

Or I could take care of it.

The brave, good, right thing to do,

the kind of man you'd want me to be.

[phone buzzes]

People have secret rooms
to hide something shameful


and doubtless, illegal.

If I find what Hendy's hiding,

I can get him arrested and Ellie safe.

I'll make you proud.

With Hendy out of town,
perfect time to get back inside his house.


[phone buzzes]

But first, there's someone else
I have to take care of.


Eat it up.

I paid a lot
for those macrobiotic sea vegetables.

[Will inhales]

Okay.

Okay what?

Okay, let's have the conversation.

If I let you out...

then what?

Is this a joke?

[Joe] No, the only joke is me pretending
that keeping a man in a cage


is helping me be my best self.

No.

What's your plan?

My plan is...

to forget any of this happened...

and to live happily ever after
with Gigi in Manila.

[Joe] Gigi, Will's internet fiancée,

a.k.a. least promising plan of all time.

If you bring me the Beast Wars box
in my coat closet,

I can make a fake passport,

and you will never hear from me again.

I have an idea.

You like games.

Love 'em, in other contexts, dude.

Right.

I will let you out...

if you prove

you'll never turn me in.

Prove my loyalty?

And how am I supposed to do that
from inside a cage?

I don't know. You're smart.
I believe in you.

[Will scoffs]

Don't give up.

You need something
to get your brain juices flowing.

You need a project.

What do you need this time?

I need Henderson's home security disabled.

- [quietly chuckling]
- He's hiding something.

Sounds familiar.

You're gonna need a jammer.

Question is which kind,

so I'll need to know what system he's got.

Oh, am I allowed to touch a laptop

to help you...

help me help you do this thing?

[keys clacking]

Stop. That one.

Is that a sign by the hedge?

People put those signs around their house
to make them feel safe

because they are, respectfully,

idiots of the highest magnitude.

[Will] 'Cause it only makes it easier
for people like me


to find out which frequency
they're broadcasting on.


Once you jam the frequency,

all the sensors are disabled.

[electronic chirp]

[electronic chirp]

[Joe] Good ol' Hendy has obviously
never seen
The Bling Ring.

Okay, Hendy, where's the toy room?

What is this? Like a Narnia situation?

Oh, Mr. Tumnus.

Huh.

Wouldn't have pegged him
for a Dickens guy.


Oh, how very supervillain-y.

It's like Hendy's id
ate too much candy and p*rn


and threw it all up.

[beeps, whirrs]

[crashing]

[Joe] 'Cause nothing's worse
than a sex dungeon with dust bunnies.


[beeps]

Could he be more obvious?

Delilah was right.

He's a bad man
who deserves to be punished.


It's only fitting
that she break the story wide open.


[quietly gasps]

[Joe] Come on.

You can do this.

- Attagirl, get to work.
- [door slams]

[Joe] With Hendy being capably dealt with,

I can go back to my Love bubble with you.

[Lucy] No, you don't understand.

[all gasping]

- Oh, my God.
- [Gabe] Yes, please.

- [Lucy] That is crazy.
- {Love] Hey!

- Look who I ran into.
- Hi.

[lounge music playing]

[Joe] Old me might have been annoyed
by this coincidence,


but your friends are refreshingly chill
and easy to talk to.


I read in our Kundalini Cookbook
that golden milk is a life-changer.

Into Kundalini, okay.

[Joe] Actually, I'm not, but Gabe is.

Constantly retweets his guru.

I mean, I'm just curious, I'm a novice.

Oh, I can help you out with that.

- Will it help my stress-induced gastritis?
- What?

Oh, Emma showed up to set the other day
with her head and eyebrows shaved,

so I spent the last hours
emotionally blowing the director

just trying to get her, like, un-fired.

- What've you done about the tummy stuff?
- Ashita..

- Good.
- But she says it's a pitta imbalance,

Of course.

Yeah, but she refuses to do blood cleanse.

- [Lucy] Because it tastes like fresh anus.
- [all laugh]

[Joe] Did she just say "blood cleanse"?

Tell me you're doing reiki. Come on.

Or, you know, cupping will help.

This is great, but it's not
gonna work because, hello,

it's past life trauma.

Always.

[Joe] sh*t, that wasn't a joke. Say
something. Say something, anything.


Have you tried going to the doctor?

Like, a Western medicine doctor?

I'm kidding.

I'm obviously kidding.

[all chuckle awkardly]

- [Lucy] That's funny.
- [Sunrise chuckles]

I mean, everyone
has their own lens, right?

Of course.

[Joe] You're disappointed.

I flunked, I embarrassed you.
How do I fix this?


Okay, can we just tell 'em?

Okay.

We didn't accidentally run into you guys.

- We planned it!
- Yeah!

[laughing]

- [Lucy] Surprise!
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Well...

[Joe] If I didn't know you better,
I'd call that a sneaky,


insecure Beck kind of move.

Do I know you better?

Okay, so...

I just thought...

that if I was going to meet
your insanely tight inner circle,

you know, I would get in my head

and, like, research everyone, and...

I just wanted you
to be able to be relaxed.

[Joe] You did this for me.

Okay.

Then can someone please tell me
what the hell a pitta imbalance is?

- Oh, yes.
- [laughing] Oh, honey.

I thought you would never ask. Um,

it's usually stress-induced...

[mouthing] I love him.

[Joe] And just like that,

I'm part of the tribe.

No longer on the outside looking in,
thanks to you.


[knocking on glass]

[Lucy] Did you invite him?

No.

Hey, Forty, I thought it was your day off.

Just coming in for my green juice.

- Well, join us. Grab a bun.
- Yeah.

Wait, Love, weren't you checking out
agave wholesalers today?

Yeah, I was going to
and then we all ran into each other.

Mm-hmm.

Why don't you just sit down?

[Forty] Why?

So you can lie to my face right now?

Yeah, I've been knowing
that you two were hooking up.

And I was just waiting
for you to come clean.

And you don't even have the decency

to invite me to your coming-out brunch.

We can talk when I cut your hair...

No, you're not touching my hair!

Forty, this is not the time or place.
You need to stop it now.

Hey, hey. Just let him go.

[Joe] What Forty needs are boundaries.

- [phone chimes]
- Oh!

[groans]

It isn't him.

He's punishing me.

God.

[sighs] I hope he's not drinking.

I should... I should text his sponsor.

[Joe] Honestly, you could both
use some boundaries.


But I don't blame you.
Every one of us has a blind spot.


- No.
- [phone clatters]

I shouldn't.

[sighs] This is crazy.

I am... [sing-songy] crazy!

You're not crazy.

You are trying to be a good sister.

[Joe] Here is where old me would suggest
you need to distance yourself,


even if that meant pushing Forty
further toward the edge.


Then why do I feel so shitty?

[Joe] But new me, the me I'm becoming
because of you,


is going to make this better for you, me,
and Forty.


Forty wants to be...

Can you just...?

Forty wants to be included.

All right? So let's include him.

Standing Sunday brunch thing.

Beach day once a month.

- Once.
- [chuckles]

Yeah, I think he would really like that.

Starting now,
I'm gonna be a better friend.

I'm gonna help him come up
with a k*ller pitch.

[Joe] Busier he is with a viable project,
the less dependent he'll be on you.


I cannot ask you to do that.

You didn't. It would be my honor.

[panting]

[both moaning]

Aw, man.

That...

That was heaven.

[panting] That was medicine.

They should bottle you, Delilah.

They should.

[exhales]

You okay?

What? Yeah, yeah.

You sure? You seem...

kinda distant.

[chuckling] I'm sorry,
are we that kind of f*ck buddy now?

You know, we can talk about real stuff...

without violating
the f*ck buddy code of ethics.

It's... It's been done.

Okay. Um... [snaps tongue]

I am... dealing with a thing.

And I could actually use
some professional advice.

Like from... Yeah, of course.

But like so f*cking off the record,
it's not even funny.

Okay, OTR, I got it.

Okay.

Someone anonymously...

sent me some photos that I know for a fact

were taken by a certain
high-profile celebrity.

And some of the girls in the photos,

maybe all...

are underage.

That prick you've been trying to nail,
Henderson.

Maybe one of your sources
is trying to give you some more a*mo.

Maybe.

I want to write the exposé. I want to...

nail his one remaining ball
to the ceiling, but...

the more that I think about it...

I'm one of the girls.

Oh, no, man, Delilah...

And if I break the story,
and it comes out later

that the same thing happened to me,
then I lose all credibility.

The whole story just gets picked apart.

I could take the photos into Sex Crimes.

I'll say that I got them anonymously.

Yeah, so some star-fucker cops
can get paid off to bury them? Yeah.

I know the right people
to talk to, Delilah.

Don't you trust me?

Okay.

[man] Come on, people must have told you
you look like a model.

- We should get a drink sometime.
- You're single?

[woman] It's complicated.

I'm going out of town tomorrow,
but I could take you out tonight.

[woman] Tonight doesn't work,
but how about now?

Seems like you've got
your hands full already.

Oh, he's a big boy.

I'm gonna need you to stay here for a bit.

Read your book. I'll be back.

[Love giggling]

[Forty moans]

- Don't go too short like last time, okay?
- [Love] I'm not.

You asked me to do this.

[chuckles]

Top of the morning, will.i.am.

I hope we didn't wake you.

I hope we did.

So I can apologize
for losing my sh*t yesterday.

Oh, it's already forgotten.

You are one magnanimous m*therf*cker.

And we...

are going to make a great team.

Right. I told Forty that you said
you would help him with his project.

- [Joe] Only so I can have more of you.
- Absolutely.

Schweet.

I had to push the Ted Hope meeting
because I was irate after...

Well, we don't need to talk
about the brunch anymore.

Uh, but It's fine. I'll pitch him
when he gets back from South By.

Sounds like a plan.

But you and I should get started
this afternoon.

- Okay.
- Also, Lovey said something

about all of us going
to the beach later today?

Oh, right.

[Joe] Sooner than I'd care to, but...

Great.

But I need Love...

to go with me
to buy a new suit for the pitch.

Sure, let's go shopping.

No, like, just me and Love.

I get self-conscious
when I go suit shopping because of...

my thighs.

Forty, Will and I have plans.

It's fine. Will doesn't mind.

Do you, old sport?

[Joe] Your brother is a monster.

Not at all.

Happy shopping.

[Joe] Becoming a better person
is way more aggravating than I thought,


but I'm still going to find a way
to help your brother.


How's book one?

Margarita just rescued the r*pe victim
from eternal damnation.

So, uh, you know... light beach reading.

That's the book guy?

He doesn't play for your team.

No fair. You already have Hendy
so why do you get all the hot zaddies?

Okay, first,

Will is like a eunuch to me.

And Hendy?

He is not my zaddy either.

Which reminds me,

I'm going to his screening tonight.

Text me and invite me to sleep over
so D thinks I'm at your place.

[sing-songy] Thank you.

[Joe] Why hasn't Delilah
gotten Henderson arrested yet?


[heavy pounding]

[pounding intensifies]

[Joe] Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Stress food, very bad sign.

Management should really get that fixed.

What do you need, Apartment Three?

Just wanted to make sure
you got that envelope on your doorstep.

How did you know about that?

I saw a girl drop it off.

What'd she look like?

I saw her from behind.
She had a... hoodie.

Why?

Nothing.

Doesn't seem like nothing.

Hey, is someone harassing you?

No.

Delilah, I've seen the look on your face.
If someone is bothering you, just...

- Hi.
- Hi.

If someone is bothering you,
go to the cops.

- I'll go with you.
- Would you relax? Nobody's stalking me.

This is about Henderson.

The woman you saw dropped
his kiddie p*rn photos on my doorstep.

Well, this is great, right?

I showed 'em to a cop,
and he said they're useless

and he can't do sh*t with them
because Henderson's not in them.

And the backdrop's completely nondescript.

Bastard's smart.

- [Joe] sh*t. sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!
- So what are you gonna do?

Stick 'em in a drawer until somebody else
blows the whistle on him.

If the police had found them on Henderson
or in Henderson's house,

then they could've made a case,
but as it is...

whoever swiped them
bungled the sh*t out of this.

[phone buzzing]

[Joe] Double f*ck!

Promised to help your brother,
but now I have to make sure


Ellie doesn't
walk into the jaws of perversion.


I'll have to keep it short with Forty.

Sit down.

In the end,

our guy has to m*rder all three women.

It's like... the ultimate irony.

So what do you think?

[Joe] That it sounds like the most
anti-feminist horror film in history,


- which is saying a lot.
- I think it's really good.

You don't think it gets wonky
in the middle?

- No.
- You don't think we need to, like,

spitball that page sh*t?

[Joe] He's not going to let me leave
until I say...


Honestly, I think it's genius.

Okay...

don't throw the G word around
if you don't mean it, Will.

- I do.
- I knew it.

Man, I wish I could go
to South By Pitch Fest tomorrow.

It's fine.

Gives us more time
to work the dough, right?

I think we are on a roll.

I think... we should go all night?

[Joe] How do I get out now
without this six-foot-one baby


throwing a tantrum?

No, no.
You don't want to overwork the dough.

I think you should go to South By tonight.

Pitch it tomorrow.

- For reals?
- Take the red-eye.

You said Ted Hope is there, right?

Show him you're in demand.

Start a bidding w*r.

- f*ck yeah.
- f*ck yeah.

- I'm gonna do it.
- Good for you.

[man] Where you been?

[woman] At the market.

[man] For four hours?

[woman] You should ask your son.

He wanted to play hide-and-seek
and scare Mommy.

I'm gonna get the rest of the groceries.

[door closes]

You're old enough to know that your mom...

sometimes accidentally tells a little lie.

But I know you always tell the truth.

Come here, Joey.

Come here.

Pain, it can make people truthful.

[Will] Hey.

What you doing with that rope?

Don't worry, it's for Henderson.

Uh-huh...

And what exactly
are you planning to do to him?

Gonna get him to confess on video,

ruin his career, and get him arrested.

Why? What'd you think I was gonna say?

Someone else, not you...

a less stable person might see...

Hendy's depravity
as justification for k*lling him.

That's not me.

I know.

I know it's not.

You're thoughtful, controlled...

[chuckles softly]

The more I learn about you,

the more clearly I see
the answer to your question.

How can you...

be sure I'll be loyal once you let me out?

The answer is...

there is no answer.

No matter what I say, you will never
be sure if I'll turn you in.

[Joe] But I need to be sure, Love, for us.

Hold on.

I know you want to do the right thing

or you wouldn't have asked at all.

I've done business with bad people,
you're not them.

You...

do bad things when you feel trapped

or, key, to protect someone, which...

we all hope we would have the courage
to do that.

To me, that makes you more good than bad.

I think you're a good man.

You could k*ll Henderson,

but you're letting justice
take its course.

That's what a good man would do.

[Joe] He's biased, but I hope he's right.

But to really be good, Joe,

you have to let me out of here.

[Joe] Another impossible puzzle, Love,

but for you, I'll try to solve anything.

[phone buzzing]

[Joe] It's not the best time,
but you always come first.


Hey, you.

Did you tell Forty
to take a red-eye to South By?

I may have mentioned it, yeah.

I really wish you would have asked me.
Film fests are tough on his sobriety.

I didn't realize that, I'm sorry.

I appreciate that,
but it still feels weird,

like you were trying
to get him out of town

so that you wouldn't have
to deal with him.

[Joe] Being attracted to very smart women
is a double-edged sword.


- I would never do that.
- He said you used the words "bidding w*r."

[Joe] I should lie.

Half-truths just end up getting me b*rned
so I should lie.


Will, please do not make this worse
by lying to me.

[Joe] I have to because I can't tell you
the whole truth,


which happens to be I did it
to save someone helpless.


Speaking of, need to stop her, now.

[Love] Hello? Are you there?

[Joe] Yeah, I'm... I'm here. I'm here.

You're right.

I just wasn't thinking. I messed up.

And from now on, I'll do better.

I promise.

That is what I needed to hear.

Now I have to go.
I don't want to miss my flight.


- Your flight?
- Yeah.

I'm going to be Forty's sober companion
at South By.

[Joe] k*ll me now.
k*ll Forty, k*ll everything.


- Have a great trip.
- Call you from Austin.

[Joe] Perfect. Now I have to get Ellie out
of Henderson's, then get his confession.


I'm not sure how to do either.

What could go wrong?

[knocking on door]

- @Ellie-Eyeballs, hey.
- Hey.

So bad news.
Jonah's girl came down with the flu

and Jonah's the one with the print,

so no screening tonight. Sorry.

Here, I'll call you an Uber.

Wait, dude, I came all this way.

We can still hang.

I can show you my short.

It's still in progress, but...

Listen, we're friends and it's cool.

I mean, you're massively cool, but...

you're also ,

so we're not hanging out
in my house alone.

[Joe] What is his game here?

Okay, neurotic.

I'm not some random girl child.

And you said for weeks
you would watch my short.

All right, fine.

But you have to promise me
you won't tell anybody

that you were here alone with me, okay?
'Cause it's kinda...

I get it.

I'm a vault. Scout's honor.

[Joe] Oh, this is his clever trick
to make her feel safe,


like she chose.

[clapping]

- You're a filmmaker.
- [chuckles]

I saw some Rear Window
and a little bit of...

Florida Project, but with your own pathos.

I... I think you could've
held on the last image a bit longer.

That's what I was thinking.

I'm proud of you, Eyeballs.
Now I really wanna hear your feature idea.

Great. I've got a whole pitch prepared...

And I have, like, a super early morning.

Dude, ten minutes.

It's right up your alley
and I think you'll like it enough

to share it
with your producing partners, really.

Well, I never pitch without
at least one Scotch in me for luck,

so in your case, what do you want? Juice?

Uh, yeah, I'll take a watermelon.

Okay.

[Joe] No alcohol. Interesting.

And a twist of GHB
for roofie-ing the teenaged girl.


What the heck?

A little piece of advice: don't get a cat.

Here.

Cheers.

To making art.

[Joe] To his dose kicking in first,
which it will.


It's a hell of a lot stronger.

All right.

[speed metal blasting in headphones]

[music cuts]

What the f*ck. Hey.

Hey, hey.

Huh? What?

Easy, easy. You're gonna hurt yourself.

Who are you?

Untie me!

- [Joe] Oh, white male celebrity privilege.
- Help me! Help! Help me!

You know this room is soundproof.

- You built it to be soundproof.
- Help me!

Help me!

I'm going to help you after you confess

to what you've been hiding
in this little...

secret room.

Secret room? What...?

You mean this room
that everybody knows about?

This is just standard, mass-produced
Pleasure Chest kink.

It's not illegal.

[Joe] Hiding his real perversion
behind healthy fetishes is smart


and evil.

I'm not talking about kink,

I'm talking about your thing
for underage girls.

Like the one upstairs, for starters.

Ellie? I never touched her.

I don't have a thing for underaged girls.
This is insane!

The pictures in your cigar box
suggest otherwise!

Those aren't mine.

I'm holding them for a friend, all right?
He knows he needs help.

[Joe] I'm not gonna k*ll him.

Just scare him into telling the truth.

What are you doing?
No, what are you doing?

No, no no! What do you want?
What do you want?

- Ow!
- No, no! What do you want?!

You know what I want.

The truth.

Okay, okay!
They're mine, they're mine!

Okay, I... I never touched them, I swear.

They would fall asleep
and I would take their tops off,

snap a few photos, which I wouldn't
share with anyone, and then...

Who gets hurt? Nobody.
They don't even remember.

[Joe] Delilah remembers.

You're wrong.

And if you believe any
of what you just said, you're sick.

These are kids.

Listen, man,
if I did this to your girlfriend...

a long time ago or something,
I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry. I...

I can pay you both.

I don't want your money.

I want your confession on video.

What?

I can't do that.

That would destroy me.
I'd lose everything.

Oh...

You deserve to.

No, no, no! Okay, okay, okay!
I'll do it, I'll do it! Please.

Remember...

this is of your own volition.

Okay.

Don't look so scared. Take a breath.

[Joe inhales and exhales]

Now, look into the camera.

What do you want me to say? What, I'm...?

I'm a sicko?

Okay, fine, I'm... I'm bad.

All right, I'm disgusting.

What, do you think I like this sh*t?!

My stepdad, he... he touched me.

[Joe] Stop that.

When I told my mom about it,
she made me promise not to tell anyone.

- No, stop. I don't want stories.
- All this started when I was nine.

- I was only nine years old.
- Henderson... Henderson, shut up.

- This happened to you too, didn't it?
- No. No, no, no.

- That's why you're doing this?
- No.

[Henderson] You hate yourself
so you're trying to destroy me?

[Joe] I'm warning you.

- We're the same.
- No, no...

I'm nothing... like you.

I know you. You...

You're from my party, right?
You're Forty's friend.

You were trying to help him,
you were trying to be a hero.

Is that what you think this is, huh?

You feel like you're a piece of sh*t
so you're trying to be a hero.

- That's enough.
- Ruining my life is not gonna save you

from your demons, all right?
What we went through, this sh*t stays.

No amount of sex or dr*gs
or success or religion

or surviving f*cking ball cancer,

that's not gonna save you, okay?
Nothing can.

[Joe] He's trying to get in my head.

- Love can.
- [Joe] We're nothing alike.

Love is the biggest phony of them all.

You want something real?
An orgasm is real.

[Joe] He's desperate.

He's trying to win with words and ideas
that add up to nothing,


but the truth: he is bad.

Someone needs to stop him
and he knows it.


[Henderson grunts]

[both grunting]

[loud thud, cr*ck]

[Joe] No.

No, this isn't me.

This isn't me anymore.

I didn't want to do that.
I didn't do that.


Get it together.

A su1c1de.

He slit his wrist, regretted it...

went for help, fell going up the stairs.

No, no no no, can't have another
jar of urine scenario.


[loud clatter]

[Joe] sh*t.

Hendy?

[phone pings]

All right, later, loser.

I'm leaving.

[Joe] I just have to clean up my blood.

No, no, no!
That is my blood mixing with his.


[Roomba chimes]

[Joe] The robots are not our friends.

This can still look
like an ill-conceived su1c1de.


I just need to clean what got smeared

while leaving the rest alone.

[Joe] I can still be good.

Tonight was just a setback.
Everyone has setbacks.


[siren chirps twice]

Okay, okay. Be cool.

- Is there a problem, officer?
- You were illegally crossing, sir.

[exhales] A little late
to be taking out the trash, huh?

What's in the bag?

Stuff... for Goodwill.

[Joe] This is it, the end of our story.

Hendy was right, I was delusional
to think love could save me.


What the...?

These are limited edition.

They're too... big.

They're yours if you want 'em.

All right, here.

I was gonna write you up
for jaywalking, but, uh...

you can go.

[Joe] I've been spared.

I've been saved,
and there has to be a reason for that.


[siren chirps]

[Joe] Maybe it's because Hendy was wrong.

Love is real, and I have more to give.

[soft piano playing]

Hey, man, uh, can I get a Texas Trio?

And the bread, is that gluten-free?

Do you have gluten-free bread?
Could you work that out for me?

- [man] Yeah, we got that. No problem.
- [phone buzzes]

[man ] How are you, dude?

[Forty] Good. Just getting my grub on.

Gonna go on a a diet for sure.

[Joe] Maybe it's because I help people

who need someone to look out for them.

Growing up,

I felt unsafe.

Powerless.

I'm so sorry.

You kept Mama's secret.

Joey, you're such a good boy.

Do you want to know another secret?

One of these days...

I'm gonna k*ll that son of a bitch.

All your fake passport stuff,

everything you need.

You're...

letting me out?

[Joe] This might be the dumbest mistake
I've ever made,


but if Will's right,

it's also the one thing that will prove...

that I'm good.

I knew it.

I knew you'd do the right thing.

[exhales]

[melodic new age music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[Joe] I can rest now, Love,

knowing I'm the man you want me to be

and the bad is behind us.

- You ready?
- Yeah, but we need to buy another ticket.

I met this, uh,
total smokeshow at breakfast.

We were both reaching for the queso,

and it was, like, this...

insane destiny moment.

That's not like you.

I know. Um, I just...

Look, I've never felt
like this before, okay?

Just, like, instantly, like...
Oh, my God, there she is.

You look amazing.

Um, this... this is my sister, Love.

Hi.

I'm Amy. [chuckles]
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