03x07 - We're All Mad Here

[bunniefuu]

- [Joe] Previously onYou:
- Get your hands off me!

- I'm Ryan Goodwin.
- Go.

- If something's wrong, tell me.
- I'm buying a vineyard.

My dad is a lot worse than I thought.
I went into his office.

And he has
all this insane conspiracy sh*t,

including you and Joe.

We are a team.

The best team.

[Joe] Marriage is a game.

["Feel Good" playing]

When things are going well,

my wife and I are on the same side,
an unshakable team.

♪ Sometimes you just wanna ♪

- ♪ Feel good, feel good ♪
- ♪ You know I like to ♪

- ♪ Feel good, feel good ♪
- ♪ I love it when you ♪

- ♪ Feel good, feel good ♪
- ♪ Hit it ♪

- Love in the Time of Cholera?
- You got it.

- Oh, my God! That is impossible.
- Yeah!

- Go do it. Be better.
- Okay, I got this.

- [Joe] Right now, my game...
- We are so good at this.

...is being a good husband... No, no.

No, the best husband,

so Love doesn't get suspicious
about what's really going on.

That I can't stop thinking about you,
Marienne.

It's been two days
since our sprinkler-soaked night.

You haven't texted, but I know better
than to overplay my hand.

[all laughing]

[cell phone chimes]

All right, so far, so good.
He's gonna meet me to talk.

[Joe]
If I wasn't so in love with you, Marienne,

I might find this more upsetting,

but as it stands,
I have to play just jealous enough.

You had to deploy your lace bra for that?

Yeah.

I know it's all a bit spooky, but...
It also kind of feels like no big deal.

[Joe] Is it just me
or doth the lady protest kind of a lot?

The sooner we find out
what Matthew could have on us,

if anything,
the sooner we can fix it, right?

[Joe] She might be more attracted to Theo
than she's willing to admit,

but she's also right and distracted,

which is necessary to keep her
from Spidey-sensing you. Speaking of...

Oh, the library fundraiser is coming up.

My boss asked me to stay late
the next couple of nights.

Uh, I would have said no.

But I think that will make her
even more irritable than usual,

so I hope that's okay.

Yeah. I mean, of course. Should I...?
Should I put it in my calendar?

[Joe] And have you both cross? No, no, no.

It'll be pretty boring.
I wouldn't want to inflict that upon you.

How'd I end up
with such a thoughtful husband?

[Joe] This game is tricky.

Juggling you and Love won't be easy.

But if this is the game I have to play
to get closer to you, then game on.

[Joe] Though you haven't texted me back,
Marienne,

I know you felt what I felt in the rain.

This seems elaborate.

Yeah, and Alice in Wonderland,
a story dear

to friends-of-the-library chairwoman
Sherry Conrad, which is fabulous...

[Joe] You feel it right now.
You're pretending you don't.

And don't get me started
on how the friends of the library

only visit the library
when there's a gala.

[Joe] You're cautious about us,
which is smart.

But it means
I need to be a little bit bold.

I thought about you all weekend.

Really?

Um...

'Cause I couldn't stop thinking
about those goats that faint

when they're startled.

You know, like, what the f*ck, Darwin?

- I thought about you too. A lot.
- [Joe] I knew it.

- But it can't happen again.
- [Joe] And here's the speech.

Look, I gave it a lot of thought,
and for so many reasons,

- first and foremost being you're married...
- That's true.

But it's not that simple, I promise you.

I understand.

...that if I push too hard,
I risk losing you.

Mommy.

Hey, no running, remember?

Ryan surprised me
by dropping her here this morning,

but she's having so much fun helping out.

- Aren't you, mon petit chou?
- [Joe] I didn't think it was possible,

but in her presence,
you are even more exquisite.

You must be Juliette.

Hmm?

- Look what Dante found for me.
- Oh.

Is that Hans Christian Andersen?
Let me guess. Little Mermaid fan.

Hey, Dante.

Hey.

Aw.

- Why aren't you wearing your glasses?
- Yeah. Someone was doing cartwheels.

Okay, we're going to have
to get these fixed before your dad sees.

I can cover for you.

Thanks, but my car is in the shop.

Let me take you.

Does he have to come?

[Joe] Ouch. What'd I do to her?

Sorry. Yes, that would be great.

- Thank you.
- [cell phone buzzes]

Hey. I'll get back to it.

- Hey.
- Mom still hasn't shown up

and she won't answer my calls.

Isn't today the meeting
to finalize her divorce?

Yeah, three hours ago. I mean, she flaked.

Classic Dottie.

[sighs] Any chance you could watch Henry?

[Joe] Me, you and our kids,

it's not exactly the quality time
I had in mind today,

but what would the perfect husband do?

Sure. I'll be there soon.

- Okay. Thanks.
- [knocking on door]

- Hi.
- I'm sorry to pop by like this,

- but I just heard something terrible.
- What?

My caterer, for the library fundraiser,
got frostbite.

- Too much infrared sauna.
- Oh, my God.

So she's out.
Then I realized, you could fill in.

Oh.

I mean, that's really flattering,

but I haven't catered in a long time.

Don't be silly.
I'm sure it's like riding a Peloton.

I have to develop a menu.

- I'd have to hire people.
- I will handle staff and logistics.

You do the food,

collect the compliments,
get exposure for your business.

Don't make me beg.

- Okay.
- Mm! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Mm...

- What?
- You have a glow about you

and I noticed it on game night too.

Yeah, I mean...

I took your advice.

- About choosing your soul mate.
- Mm.

Joe has been so attentive lately.

I love that. And the sex life?

Back on track, I assume?

[tsking] No. I don't mean to pry.

No, Joe's just been really busy with work.

No judgment. Have you seen the studies

on how quickly
our sex parts get bored of each other?

But, you know,
it doesn't have to be an issue.

You are so hot, Love.

- Just hack your sex life.
- Like...

with supplements?

A lot of ways to increase Joe's libido.

Tap into his fantasies,
really make him feel like a man.

It's what I've done with Cary,
and my vag*na has never been happier.

Look, I'll send you a post
I wrote about it.

Along with an RSVP list of the guests

- with food allergies.
- Okay.

Thanks again.

[chuckling]

Whoo!

- Oh, my God.
- Sorry. Sorry. I know, I'm early.

- Yeah. Thank you for meeting me.
- Yeah.

Oh, that's...
That's not why I asked you here.

Okay.

Um...

Sorry, I feel like there's mixed signals,
'cause, like, first, we have sex.

- Can you...?
- It's all right. And then you know...

You say that it can't happen again,

and then you're, like,
stripping at your window,

asking me to meet in secret.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right. I'm a mess.

I guess this is what happens
when your parents get divorced

and you see how easily
your own marriage can fall apart.

- Are you and Joe...?
- Oh, no, no, no.

- I shouldn't have said anything.
- Hey.

You're not alone.

Honestly, like,

we're friends.

I'm your friend, if you need anything.

Okay.

I mean...

- if you really wanna help...
- Mm-hm?

Could you find out
what your dad has on me and Joe?

What...? What do you mean?
What does he have?

- I don't know. That's the thing.
- Okay.

Then... Then why?

I... I mean...

We've talked about this.
My family's in the public eye.

My parents are chopping off
each other's heads in this divorce.

- It shouldn't make my family interesting...
- If it's not like a literal crime,

- he's not gonna show anyone.
- But this is a major trigger for me.

I can't help but worry
when people have information on my family.

- I know it's not rational...
- It doesn't have to be.

I get it. I do.

- People are f*cking vampires.
- [chuckles]

You know, that can scar you for sure.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

You get it.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, well, you know,
I'll sneak into his office.

See what I can find.

Thank you.

[Joe] What's your favorite fairy tale?

- [Marienne] Jack and the Beanstalk.
- No.

Yes. Hell, yes. Jack was a little badass.

I wanted to be him. Screw princesses.
I know I wanted to...

[Joe] How do I make you see
I could be your happily ever after?

Hey, can I say something?
And you don't have to say anything back.

It's been a long time
since I have felt this happy.

This feels so easy.
So I just wanna say thank you.

Can we go back to the library?

Baby, your glasses aren't ready yet.

You wanna play a game?
We can play "I Spy."

Okay.

Uh, I spy with my little eye...

something that begins with the letter M.

- It's Mommy.
- Yeah.

Good job, baby.

[Joe] You're thinking what I am.
Is this the family we were destined for?

[cell phone chimes]

What's wrong?

Um, it's... It's Ryan.

He's giving me a heads-up

that Channel Three is making
a sizable donation to the library

and he will be at the fundraiser
to present the check.

You don't think it's a coincidence?

No, I mean, he's furious
that I'm reopening custody.

It's a power move.

He wants to show me
he can hurt me, even at my job.

Do you think he's watching us?

He feels ownership over me, okay?

Sick as it is. And you stood up to him.

So he's never gonna let that slide.

So this, you and me, we can't.

If Ryan finds out that I was
with a married man, however innocently,

he'll use it and I'll never get custody.

[Joe] You're right. Ryan is a problem,

but there are always problems
in love stories.

I'll find a way to solve this one,
for you.

[Ryan] One time, I needed a fix so badly

that I broke my molar
with a pair of pliers,

knowing that they'd give me Oxy for it.

That's where this disease took me.

I couldn't wake up without Adderall.
I couldn't go to sleep without Oxy.

[Joe] Interesting.

Let me tell you what I've learned
about your ex, Ryan Goodwin.

He's not a morning person.

He wears tighty-whities.

He's obsessed with protein shakes
and his workout regimen.

It's like he's training
for the assh*le Olympics.

His mom, Harriet Goodwin,

who's also his private chef,
maid and nanny, by the looks of it.

It's not okay, Marienne.

He's gaslit his way to full custody,

when he doesn't even give
your daughter the time of day.

He leaves Juliette to his mom

while he works out with Wes,
his "best friend."

Wes makes Ryan feel superior.
So that tracks.

Ryan is technically sober.
But he's an emotional powder keg.

He's transferred
his addiction to dr*gs and alcohol

to an addiction to his body and status.

Ryan's sobriety is hanging by a thread.

You put a pebble into the machine
and wait for it to fail.

f*ck. How many shakes does one man need?

- [door opens]
- [Dottie humming]

Grandma's home.

Where have you...?

- Hey, you okay?
- Oh, I'm fine.

Especially after how royally
your father f*cked me in the arbitration,

considering that I'm sober as a saint.

One would expect the prenup
to f*ck me out of Anavrin,

despite the fact that I created it.

It's the part where he found a way
to get around my lawyer

and take my second-act vineyard,
my second act, for spite.

I'm sorry.

Sorry doesn't even cover it, Love.

I did everything I was supposed to do.

This is what happens
when you marry the wrong man.

- Do you disagree?
- About Dad?

No, he treated you horribly.
That's why I don't speak to him anymore.

Then why are you being so quiet?

I feel...

sad.

I know it's the right thing.
I'm glad that it's over.

But it feels like a...
Like a kind of loss.

You're right and it's sad.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

That's not what I'm saying.

No, I should have known
the marriage was over two years in

when your father stopped
wanting to do a**l.

I don't need the details.

Don't be such a prude.
I'm doing you a service.

You need to know what to look out for

- in your own marriage.
- My marriage is nothing like yours.

So you're not sleeping
with the neighbor's son?

I'm not discussing this with you.

Mom!

It's enough.

Where are you going?

sh*t.

I am calling a Lyft.

Excuse me for hoping
my daughter would lend a sympathetic ear.

- [door opens, then closes]
- [cell phone chimes]

Knock, knock.

Mm. Leez. Hi. Come on in.
Please. How long has it been?

- Gosh, couple years, right?
- Yeah, couple of years. That's right.

Thanks, Theo. I'm hearing great things
about your work on the corporate side.

The team loves you. You've come
a long way from the cocky, young coder

- who hacked my e-mail.
- My assh*le days are far behind me.

Here's the thing. Not too far, I hope.
I need your help with something. Please.

[ominous music playing]

This looks...

like a lot of security camera footage.

Yes. It is. It's every perimeter camera
and doorbell cam in Madre Linda.

Live feeds and cloud archives,
there's all of it.

Not gonna ask how you got it,

but what do you need me for
if you already have access to these?

I need you to help me sort it.

I'm drowning in footage
from a million cameras.

I need the ability to look
at particular people on particular dates.

- You want my facial-recognition algorithm.
- I do.

I had a scary meeting
with the FBI after that one.

No, no, no. They'll never know.

What you want will take a long time.

Oh, I don't think it will,
not if you're involved.

And I'm prepared to dramatically overpay.

Plus, you'd be doing a service
to the world.

How so?

Finding a m*rder*r.

So you're Cary's friend?

Yeah, I'm sorry, how old are you?

I don't need to define myself
by something so arbitrary as a number.

Okay.

Don't worry, this isn't a sting.

So, FYI, I do this as a service,
someone's gonna deal,

so I serve as a means
of medicating the public,

protecting communities
likely to be profiled by the police.

I donate all my proceeds to NAMI.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness.

[Joe] I'm beginning to think
this generation may just save us all.

That'll be $ , . .

I only take Bitcoin.

[Joe] The lengths I will go to for you,
Marienne...

including sneaking in while Ryan's at work
and Juliette and Grandma are at ballet.

I hope Ryan enjoys his new shake recipe.

Adderall in the morning
and Oxycontin at night

to reintroduce small amounts
into his system.

All in an effort to fire
his neurotransmitters

that are predisposed towards addiction,
thus inciting the phenomenon of craving.

If the combo of cravings
and emotional dysregulation

don't trigger a relapse,

then disrupting his morning routine will.

He'll be off the beam
by your next custody hearing.

And we can thank my son's toys for that
never-ending supply of drained batteries.

I should go but not before I unearth more
about my nemesis.

Does this man own a book not written
by Tim Ferriss or Tony Robbins?

What's this?

It hurts me to leave these here.

He doesn't deserve any part of you,
but it's temporary, Marienne.

I'm gonna fix it for you.

Fix him.

♪ Freak like me ♪

♪ You want a good girl
That does bad things... ♪

[Joe] What happened to my wife?
Am I in trouble?

You look nice.

How was your day?

[Joe] She smells like The Body Shop.

- It was good.
- Yeah?

Yeah. What's going on?
Planning to cook for an army?

Um... [laughing]

Sort of?

The caterer for the library fundraiser
dropped out.

So Sherry asked me if I would pitch in.

That's amazing.

You and my wife in the same place.

I've got six people at the bakery

setting up this insane stove situation.
I'm gonna be up all night.

I know your boss is picky,
so I hope I'll make her happy.

I'm sure you will.

I just wanted to make sure
that I made you a nice dinner first.

Okay.

Something is up with her.

Did she k*ll someone else
and she's trying to distract me?

I have a little less time.

[pants unzipping]

- Okay.
- A little you time, actually.

[Joe] Oh, no.

This isn't happening.

sh*t! I have nothing left.

After you.

- Just maybe not right this second.
- Oh.

- Just maybe not...
- God. I'm sorry.

- I don't know what I was thinking.
- I've had a long day.

- It was a good idea.
- Yeah, of course.

I don't know why I'm trying to blow you
the second you walk in the door,

that's silly.

[Joe] I did not anticipate this.

Love is unpredictable.
I'm gonna have to fix this.

["Super Duper Party People" playing]

♪ Super duper
We're the party troopers ♪

♪ We don't need no bad advice... ♪

[Joe] Thank you, shitty batteries.

f*ck.

[Joe] Thank you, Taschen.

Turns out, playing Amélie is kind of fun.

[Ryan] Well, you gotta be sh1tting me.

[Joe] Considering you just ingested
a megadose of stimulants,

the dragon is unleashed.

No, no, no.

f*ck!

[screams]

f*ck!

Are you okay? I'm sorry.
I was coming by to update you,

and then I heard screaming, so I entered.

I just b*rned a bunch of f*cking almonds.

I've got, like, other things
I need to do right now. So...

Okay.

So then it's not a good time
to tell you that I couldn't figure out

what my dad has on you and Joe.

Yet, yet.

It's fine.

I will.

Also, while I'm being honest,

it's really hard to stand here
and have a conversation with you,

as though I'm not totally distracted
by how much I want you.

Okay.

All right, let's forget
that I said anything.

[Love sobbing]

Oh.

f*ck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just...

Was it the dad thing
or the hitting on you?

I don't...

I don't know
what the f*ck is wrong with me.

Hey.

No, I used to have my sh*t together.

Hey. Hey, stop it.

Don't be stupid, okay?

Are you sure? Oh, okay.

Oh, f*ck.

[Joe] He called his shithead buddy
to help with the tire.

Hopefully he won't be too helpful.

Brutal, man. Brutal.

Yeah.

[Joe] And just like that, Ryan Goodwin
takes one small step off the wagon...

Today's already so f*cked.
I'm calling in sick so we can get blasted.

- ...and one giant leap toward rock bottom.
- Let's do it.

[Joe] You're welcome, Marienne.

[kettle whistling]

You like it?

No.

I love it. It's been sold out everywhere.

It was my feeble attempt at an apology
for last night's misfire.

I know that I've been off 'cause of work.
I've been distracted and I'm sorry.

- I should be saying I'm sorry.
- Wait. There's more. Just open it.

[gasps] Oh, my... Where the f*ck
did you get Donut Pal?

It's the magic of my love for you.
No, they opened in Berkeley.

So I paid a kid to stand in line
and courier them over here.

The look on your face
when you bite into one of those...

Doughnuts aren't objectively sexy,

but you make them
the hottest thing on Earth.

Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.

I...

I thought
you didn't find me attractive anymore.

[Joe] f*ck. I've been so single-minded
in my pursuit of you.

Tonight my focus will be on Love.

It has to be,
because if Love is not happy,

we will never get the chance to be.

You know, I...

My mom was just in my head.
Their marriage was so toxic.

Yeah. No, I guess, it's understandable.

But we are not them.

Yeah. Yeah.

[cell phone ringing]

Oh, this is her.

Um, I should get this.

- You should go get changed.
- Yeah.

Okay.

- Hey, hey, Mom.
- I know I'm late.

I just took a little siesta and forgot
to set an alarm. I'll be there soon.

What are you talking about?

Don't you need me to watch Forty
while you're at the fundraiser?

Oh. No, we got a sitter.
You just take care of you.

So now I'm not good enough
to watch Forty? Is that it?

- Have you been drinking?
- What?

- I need to see Forty.
- You're drunk.

I am not.

You're just mad at me
for bringing up the neighbor boy.

- Okay. I have to go.
- You're keeping my baby from me.

- Don't drive.
- Please let me see Forty.

- I can't deal with you right now.
- He's all I have left.

Little bitch!

Little bitch.

Sweetie, can you help me
set this table up?

No mat.

[Joe] When the guests arrive,
it'll be packed in here.

That'll keep you
and Love apart, right? sh*t.

Love is not stupid. This could be bad.
Why did I agree to this?

Okay. Okay, I need a plan.

I need to keep Love
as preoccupied as possible.

Great. Bye.

[Joe] Gotta hand it to you, Marienne,
you have outdone yourself.

You think I should just check in on them?

I'm just being neurotic, actually.

[Joe] Always. But is it too much
to hope she stays back there

- and you two never meet?
- Whatever you think.

There you are.

Undeniably you.

Original, haunting, real,
never mind Alice and the Queen.

You're the red rose herself.

Yeah, I'm just being neurotic.
Thank you so much.

I was looking for you.

- Big problem.
- Yeah.

I forgot to note everyone's
food intolerances on the seating chart.

- Can you...?
- Yeah, of course.

Okay. Um...

You, come!

- We can do this fast.
- Okay.

[Joe] And just like that,
our fairy tale turns dark.

I should make a disaster
in the kitchen truck,

turn up the oven, scorch the quail,
but it's too late.

It's like I'm watching my own execution.

[Cary] My man!

- Things work out with Taschen?
- It was great. Yeah. Thank you.

Better than great, actually,
no sign of Ryan means

he's probably in hour eight
of a drug binge with his buddy.

[stammers] Baby, baby.

I'm sorry, you must be Love. I'm Marienne.

Joe's told me so much about you.

- You're Joe's boss?
- Mm-hm.

- It's so great to meet you.
- You as well.

He's probably told you
how much of a taskmaster I am.

No, I wouldn't say that.

It's true. I do have exacting standards,

which is probably a euphemism
for being a bossy pain in the ass.

No, no, he really...

He really loves working here.

Good.

Even if there's late shifts.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's a gem.

He never complains
when I ask him to stay and lock up and...

I'm, um...

I'm seeing someone.

We're in that "hang out
as much as possible" phase,

so Joe's been picking up my slack.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That's so sweet.
Yeah, no, he doesn't seem to mind at all.

Oh, that's very good to know.

[Joe] Whatever you're saying
seems to be working for now.

Hey, hey, heads up.
Fifty grand coming through.

[Joe] What the f*ck?
He should be out of his mind.

How is he even standing right now?

Here we go.

- Not a fan?
- He's my ex.

Hello. You both look lovely.
What should I do with this?

Don't want it out
before the big unveiling.

Let me show you.

Excuse us.

Hey, Dante.

That guy is the f*cking worst.

[Joe] Oh, Dante,
one cannot even begin to fathom.

He seems smug, I suppose.
But recovery can't be easy.

Recovery? That prick's never been sober.

His AA stuff is all for show.
There's dr*gs in his protein shake.

- Like, today?
- Always.

I took a sip on accident once.
I got so tweaked, I couldn't sleep.

And then I realized,
he pounds that stuff all day. Every day.

[Joe] I have been played.

I couldn't dose Ryan

because he's been dosing himself
the whole time

and his tolerance is through the roof.
How did I miss this?

Dante! How's it hanging, buddy?

So much better now that you're here.
Will you excuse me?

Joe Goldberg, right? I'm Ryan Goodwin.

We met the other night
when I wasn't being my best self.

That's right. It's good to re-meet you.

You f*cking cockroach.

Oh! f*ck!

That's meat. Where are you from?

- New York.
- The city?

Brooklyn.

- How's the wine?
- It's okay, I guess.

You know, it's interesting.

I've seen you,
lurking in the back of meetings,

pretending like you're invisible.

But given the way
you're nursing that drink,

you don't strike me as someone
who has a drinking problem.

[Joe] f*ck, how much of me did he see?

You gotta try this.

It is, like, Iberian or some sh*t.
Yeah, give it a taste. Come on.

Come on, taste.

[Joe] What is this?
A sociopath's power play?

I don't know what you're up to,
but I bet my d*ck, it's about Marienne.

Stay away from her.

Enjoy the party.

[Joe] I lost this round,
but this isn't over.

Not when you are at stake.

This looks amazing. Unh!

I am so good.

Unh. I knew you'd do me right.

Thanks.

I can't wait any longer. This is t*rture.

Do you and Joe wanna play
with me and Cary?

What?

Didn't you read the post I sent you?

Yeah, that really spun me out, Sherry.

The biological importance
of making your man feel like a man?

I...

I just don't think
I'm one of these hot wives.

Oh.

You should've kept reading.

Okay...

Hot Wife is a term...

Right.

...for women in open marriages.

Like me. Cary and I are polyamorous.

Love, please, tell me you got the part
where I sent you a post I wrote.

As in, that's my secret sex blog.

Oh, I do not think
that I picked up on that.

Well, now you know.

And the more time
we spend with you and Joe,

well, we can't stop thinking
about the two of you.

We would love...

to take our relationship to a new level.

Would you be game?

- [cell phone chimes]
- Oh.

Sorry, it's my babysitter.

What the f*ck?

- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.

[cell phone ringing]

Let's hang up on your mother.

We don't need to speak to her.

Thank you.

Stephanie, what a pretty name.

Oh, don't worry, he's not a baby.

No, no, he's the reincarnation
of my son, Forty,

and he loves a good taco.

Don't you, baby? Yes.

My daughter's trying to keep him from me.
She's selfish like her father.

I think we're missing
a couple of "gordatas."

Uh...

- They're coming right out.
- Bless you, Persephone.

- You're a good person, aren't you?
- I guess.

I just want Love to understand
where I'm coming from,

but she refuses to listen.

No one will listen.

Except you.

- [car horn honks]
- I'm getting my gordatas.

Chrissake.

No, I need my power back.

I need justice. I need karmic retribution.

- Do you want hot sauce?
- I want all the hot sauce and a lighter.

Excuse me?

I'll give you...

dollars for a lighter.

Thank you for listening.

Let's go.

[rock music playing over speakers]

[sirens wailing]

Oh, yeah.

The bastard wanted the vineyard.

- [Henry crying]
- Oh, oh!

Hey, hey, hey. You're okay.

[Joe] Note to self,
if you take a baby on a drunk joyride

to go burn down a vineyard,
make sure you're a rich, white lady

whose lawyer can get you
in a fancy rehab instead of jail.

- Thank you for...
- What the f*ck were you thinking?

Just put him to bed, okay? I've got this.

You can sleep here tonight.

Tomorrow, Joe will drive you to rehab.

You'll never see me.

And you will never see Henry ever again.

- You don't mean that.
- I do. With every fiber of my being.

Love, please. I made a mistake.
But I've been punished...

You could have k*lled him!

You had your family...

and look what you did.

You let your husband destroy
your self-worth.

You neglected your children.
You didn't protect Forty. I did that.

Oh, that's rich.

You liked him broken

- 'cause it gave you purpose.
- Maybe.

But I have a new purpose now
and that's protecting my family.

- From you. [laughs]
- How can you say that? I'm your mother.

Having no mother would be better.

You think you're so much better than me?
You're just me years ago.

One day, you will lose everything too.

And then you'll see
how cruel you really are.

Oh. Hey.

Did you get it done? Whatever it is.

Yep, just finished up.

So, what were you doing?

He totally passed out.
Think he really needs some rest.

Look, it's none of my business,
but your dad is not okay.

He needs help.

I'll let myself out.

[door opens, then closes]

["Numb" playing]

[Joe] I should be in bed with you,
tracing and drawing on your arm.

Instead, I'm driving an Uber
shuttling Medusa-in-law to rehab.

Bet you're happy
you won't have to see me anymore.

I always thought
we had a good relationship.

I have something to tell you, Joe.

I see how hard you're trying
to make your marriage work, just like me.

I did everything
to keep my family together,

including lying to myself
about who my husband was...

and who my daughter is.

[Joe] Is this where Dottie tries
to poison me against Love?

Her final act of revenge?

How much do you know
about Love's first husband, James?

Um...

I know they were in love. Married young.

He got cancer and then he d*ed.

Not quite.

When James became ill,
he and Love were already having problems.

After he went into remission,

he asked for a divorce.

And the next thing you know, he was dead.

[Joe] Surely, she's not suggesting...

I have no proof, of course.
Just a mother's intuition.

You probably think I'm crazy.

[Joe] I might, if I hadn't seen
what Love is capable of, many times.

This must be hard.

You're loyal.

That's what makes you a good husband.

But Love has no loyalty
for anyone but herself.

If anything were to happen to you,
I'd never forgive myself.

Like a young Gregory Peck.

[Joe]
Could Love have k*lled her first husband?

I've been so worried about her hurting you
that I failed to remember:

I am also fair game.

[Joe] But we should be together, Marienne.
I will find a way.

It's risky, but love requires
a hint of madness.

We're all mad here, right, red rose?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Is everything okay?
- No.

Juliette told Ryan
that we spent the day together.

He's threatening to use it against me.

What? We're just colleagues.

We're not. And you know that.

And besides, it doesn't matter

because Ryan will make it look
as bad as possible.

[Joe] f*cking Ryan. I'll destroy him.

- We can fix this.
- We?

What are you talking about?
You're married.

Your marriage doesn't seem strained.
Your wife is lovely.

[Joe] Lovely, yes. With a mild habit
of murdering women I care about.

I hated having to lie to her.

I slid into old patterns
and I feel disgusted.

I...

It's not good for my recovery.

I'm at a point where I'm supposed to live
with integrity. I can't be a home-wrecker.

Of course not.

But there has to be another way.

There isn't.

Hey.

I care about you. I do.

And, yeah, there's chemistry.

[Joe] But...

But, no, I have to think of Juliette.

And I promised myself,
my next relationship would be...

Would be aboveboard and honest.

I'm sorry.

[Joe] Aboveboard and honest.

How do I give that to you?

You good?

Yeah, yeah, I'm just... I'm tired.

Can I get your opinion on something?

Yeah, of course.

- What do you think about this?
- What is this?

Sherry sent it.
It's from her secret sex blog.

- Sherry and Cary are in an open marriage.
- Hmm.

And... they wanna sleep with us.

Yeah, I thought it was a joke too.

So...? So why are you showing me this?

As a joke, obviously.

Oh.

You don't really look at me the same.

You don't seem interested
in having sex with me.

That's not true.
People go through rough patches.

I don't wanna become...

like my parents.

They couldn't stay in love.

Maybe we need to shake things up.

It sounds crazy, but I read that article.

[Joe] Opening our marriage.

This loophole cannot be falling
into my lap.

I don't even know how I feel about it.

Sherry just said it was the greatest hack,

and I guess...

Sherry and Cary would be a safe first try.

[Joe] I'd rather take
a chain saw to my thigh,

but hopefully, that's negotiable.

Sorry, I'm just being stupid.

Love, Love, stop, stop, stop backpedaling.

You can come to me with anything.

That's what this marriage is, right?

No idea is too crazy?
We talk things through, right?

And we make decisions together.

I love you.

[Joe] And I love you.

[door locks]

[ominous music playing]

[theme music playing]