03x06 - King Cobra

[bunniefuu]

Mail call.
Santa's here, fellas!

- Putman!
- Thank you, Sergeant.

Johnny.

Ooh, Johnny, Johnny!

- Man, you weren't kiddin'. She is a beaut!
- All right. Come on. Give it back.

- Hey, Twig, come look at this.
- Do you have to call me that?

Yeah. Get a little muscle
on those tree branches, we'll talk.

- Yeah. He's got a point, Twig.
- Wow. Who's that?

- Johnny's girl back home.
- Ooh.

Mmm.

- Smell that perfume?
- Ooh.

Yeah, that's the smell of America.
Tell her to send one for me, would ya?

In your dreams, pal.

- Kreese.
- Yes, Sergeant?

Command tent.
Some captain's in there asking for you.

- Uh-oh.
- Oh, good luck!

Captain.

At ease.

So you must be Kreese?

Yeah. Well, your CO tells me
you're a real go-getter.

Volunteerin' to walk point.

Joinin' ambush teams.

You got a death wish, kid?

Not wishin' for it, just not afraid of it.

- Is that right?
- Some people can't tell the difference.

You have any idea
how many men we have in this hellhole?

- In 'Nam?
- Yeah.

Probably half a million.

Most of 'em don't make
a damn bit of difference.

But you…

You can make a difference.

- That's why I'm here, sir.
- Mm-hmm.

Defend my country.

Be a hero.

Be a…

That's good.

That's good.

'Cause I'm formin' a team.

We'll work out of CCN.
Direct action missions into north Vietnam.

This is the real w*r.

We'll go sterile
into triple canopy jungle.

No insignias, no ID.

The team will be you, me,
and a few specialists.

- I know a couple guys, sir.
- I'll train you myself.

Guerrilla tactics, demolitions,
hand-to-hand combat.

What kind of hand-to-hand, sir?

You wanna defeat your enemy,
gotta fight like your enemy.

I learned Tang Soo Do
during the Korean w*r

under Master Kim SunYung.
You'll learn the same.

- If you think you can handle it.
- You're g*dd*mn right I can.

Sir.

All right, you make it through,
you'll get your beret…

…a few scars,

maybe even
a b*ttlefield commission to boot.

If I don't make it through?

Well, then you'll show up
on some MIA list in 30 years

when they declassify all this sh*t.

I'm asking you to become more
than just a soldier, son. Understand that?

If we're gonna do this,

we need the absolute best.

Yeah! Whoo!

We need strength.

Yes!

- We need determination.
- What?

We need brutality.

Yeah!

All you have to do is say yes…

…and I will mold you
into the ultimate w*apon.

So…

are you in or not?

All in, sir.

Excellent.

"Hey, Johnny.
It really has been a long time.

I don't even want to think
about how many years.

But I'm still glad
we went to high school in the '80s.

- We had the best music."
- Hell yeah!

"Life has taken me in all kinds
of directions since then.

I've been blessed
with my family and career.

And I could probably still
kick your ass at air hockey.

It's crazy how things change.

I remember we used to see
each other every day."

Hmm.

"Now I don't know
the first thing about you.

Who are you now?

Your profile is pretty bare.

What are you up to these days?

Ali."

What are you up to these days?

I'm home!

The conquering hero has returned.

Hey, wait till I tell you
what happened over there.

- It was truly amazing.
- Oh.

And I come bearing gifts.

I got this randoseru bag for Sam

and these crazy Kit-Kats for Anthony.

Soy sauce as a Kit-Kat flavor!

I know, I know.
It shouldn't work, but it does.

I thought next weekend we could go
to wine country. Just you and I.

- Hey, guys. Come down.
- Uh, the kids are at your mother's.

Oh. My mother's? Why, what happened?

John Kreese.

Man, it was so sick!
Tory was just kickin' ass.

I took care of Chris.

Hawk got that beta Demetri
in an arm bar like Chris Jericho

and just…

Cold-blooded.

- No mercy!
- Way to go, Hawk.

I didn't think
you were actually gonna do it.

They got what they deserved
for what they did to Miguel.

- Still haven't seen him, have you?
- I don't wanna talk about it.

Look at this freak. What kind of girl
would ever kiss this sh*t?

Class.

Welcome our new students.

I'm gonna call you guys…
Chodenose and Taintbreath.

- What the hell did you just say?
- Oh, uh, nothing.

It's just this thing we do
around here sometimes.

OK.

Sensei, I don't think
these guys are Cobra Kai material.

Weren't you the one saying
that we should get new recruits?

Well, yeah. But… Look, I know
some of these guys and they're...

Natural athletes.

Which is exactly
what's been missing in our dojo.

Everyone, fall in.

Joining Cobra Kai is a privilege.

It's not a gift.

Which is why our recruits must earn
their position in this dojo.

Prepare yourselves for combat.

Only the strong will survive.

Are you ready, or what?

I hate this. This is ridiculous.

- What's ridiculous about it?
- I look like a giant baby!

The way you're whining and not walking,
you might as well be a baby.

Isn't there a more badass way
we can do this?

You think tapping your foot at a concert
makes you ready for badass training?

Your legs are still pussies!
Now, you ready to stand?

- Yes.
- OK.

One, two...

three, go.

All right. Better fall that time.

Let's take five.

You know, uh,

Mom's been talking about you
a lot recently.

Oh, yeah?

She says thank you
for taking me to that concert.

She say anything else?

No.

You writing a novel?

Oh. No, it's a Facebook message.

That? To who?

I, uh...

- Babe from high school.
- Oh.

Ali.

Ali? Like, the Ali?

This is huge. This is huge!

This is so… But I mean,
you're not gonna send that, right?

You cannot send her that message.

- Why not?
- Because it's, like, 80 pages.

In all caps.

I have 35 years' worth of stuff to say,
all right?

OK, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But shorter messages are way cooler.

Like, this just looks desperate.
And a little creepy.

Sending her this would be like if you…

like if you liked all of her photos.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

What the hell, man? I enjoyed the photos!

And there's a button for that,
why wouldn't I click it?

Because she can see that.

All right, I got amped-up, OK?

Look, she put a smiley face.
It's even got little red cheeks.

Is she gettin' hot? Feelin' hot?
What am I supposed to do with that?

I think it's just a smiley face.
Let's see.

OK, she says she wants to know
what you've been up to.

Good. This is good. We can salvage this.
Let's just make you a kick-ass profile.

You'll be sending your message
from a position of strength.

Uh… First we need to get some pictures.
Do you have any photos?

- Yeah, photos?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, don't move.
- OK.

I said "don't move!"

I can't believe
you went over to that dojo.

Are you OK? I mean, is Sam OK?

She's shaken up. How could she not be?

Honestly, I'm shaken up too

with a Cape Fear level karate psycho
terrorizing the neighborhood.

See? It sounds crazy
when you say it out loud.

No. Sounds crazy
when other people said it.

But now I'm saying it.

Look, the man is sick.

He's got weapons on his walls.

And his students broke Demetri's arm.

Wait, wait, wait. They did what?

- I'm going over there.
- What, are you gonna hit him?

Look, It's that kind of insanity
got us into this mess.

And sanity will get us out, OK?
We're gonna stop him. We have to.

- But we're gonna do it my way.
- What's your way?

Going to the police.

Class, prepare for combat.

- All right.
- Pet snake! Legit! Yeah.

Holy sh*t! You remember?
Look, it's the kid with the lip!

- Yo, I thought he moved.
- Oh, sh*t. You're right! Right.

- Dude!
- Whoa!

The hair kinda distracts you from it.

All right, class.

Let the games begin.

- You.
- Ooh!

All right, bro. You got this.

You.

Man, I'm so pumped!

Ready?

Ai!

Now you're dead.

Finish him.

That's rough.

Ooh!

Yo, lights out, baby.

Where you going?

To my spot.

You lost to an untrained fighter.

- He's going to take your spot on the team.
- All right!

Sensei,
Assface has been loyal to the dojo.

I'm afraid he's not…

Cobra Kai material.

I told you, only the strong will survive.

Combat! Ready? Fight! Come on, k*ll me.

You lose concentration on the b*ttlefield,
and you're dead meat! You understand?

- Yes, Captain. Sorry, I just thought...
- Don't think!

Your enemy wants you dead,
you have two choices. k*ll or be k*lled.

No hesitation,
no second thoughts, and no mercy!

- What if they surrender?
- Never trust your enemy.

You can leave all that peace and love crap
for the college sissies back home!

Now, gentlemen,
we have a mission tomorrow. Are we ready?

Yes, sir.

- You better hope so.
- Captain.

Now go get some rest.
You're gonna need it.

Hey, Herman. Over here.

Captain Turner took
that hit though.

Jesus.

Not a word of this to Kreese, understood?

A distraction like that
could get him k*lled.

I'll be home soon, doll face.

Those are my only photos.
Don't have much after high school.

Oh, OK, um...

Do you have any
where you're wearing a shirt maybe?

Yes.

- Here you go. How's that?
- OK.

Uh, that's, um…

You know, we're probably just better off
going with some new photos.

Yeah, like present day?

Mmm.

Not sure I want you
to grease me up right now.

Baby oil gets over everything.

I'm not gonna grease…

I was just thinking maybe we could go
with something more contemporary. Yeah?

Yes! We'll look at what Ali's into,
take pictures of me doing the same stuff!

- Not exactly what I meant.
- I'm not doing yoga.

- No.
- I will pet a dog.

Mm-hmm.

Think the aquarium will let me
get in with the dolphins?

I don't know.

You know what? We could Fotomat it.

- What?
- All right. Let's go, Hot Wheels. C'mon.

Right, let's do it.

All right. So, you're lookin'
to file a complaint against a…

- John Kreese?
- Yeah, a restraining order, that's right.

Hmm.

Something wrong?

An emergency protective order
has already been filed.

Really?

Oh, uh...

- Well, good.
- No. It's against you, ma'am.

What?

Looks like Mr. Kreese came in
and gave a statement.

Says here you showed up
at his place of business

after hours, enraged.

OK, I was not enraged.

It was a perfectly measured response
to a man inciting v*olence.

- And you struck him?
- That's ridiculous. He's a liar.

- Honey?
- This story is missing a lot of context.

You hit him?

- The man's a menace. He's deranged!
- Says here he's a Vietnam veteran.

Green Beret, Silver Star.

Oh, my God.

Those guys suffered a lot of turmoil.
The mental health stigma is real.

- You oughta be more considerate.
- I don't care if he has 50 Purple Hearts.

I still wanna file a restraining
emergency protection thing against him.

OK, but it'd just be the same thing.
You can't be within 500 yards of him, so…

This is a joke.
Are you gonna take his word for it?

It's up to a judge to sort out.

Sign here to acknowledge
you've been served these papers.

Thanks for coming in.
That makes it a lot easier.

Oh, sure. Glad we could
make it convenient for you.

I have another idea.

But it's the nuclear option.

I hate it with every fiber of my being.

- You chipped my tooth, bitch.
- You needed braces anyway.

Good job, Nichols.

You know the drill. Off the mat.

Damn, girl!

You see that?

You. Big boy.

Oh, yeah!
All right, who's going down next?

- Come on.
- Let's go.

He's mine.

Get him, Lip!

OK, all right. Let's see
if I can fix that lip of yours then.

Dude!

Wait. Stop.

Finish him.

All right, class.
I think we can call it a day.

Somebody pick him up.

- All right. You get it?
- Got it.

Let's see.

All right, looks good. Let's go.

♪ Girl, pick your face up ♪

♪ I wanna see you move
Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Turn the lights down
It's gonna get loud ♪

No! Don't touch it!

- Sir, excuse me?
- Wha… Yeah, sorry. Didn't know.

Yeah.

- That's one way to do it.
- What the hell is this sh*t?

It's a dragon roll.

So basically, you have some fresh avocado,
some chopped up cucumber,

some snow crab, and unagi on top.

- What? "Unagi"?
- Yeah, it's freshwater eel.

- Eel? People actually eat that crap?
- It's very popular.

Just have an open mind.

- Just take the picture. Ready?
- Yeah.

Just… yeah.

- Yeah, there we go. All right. Yes.
- Mmm!

- Oh, OK. OK, got it.
- Mmm!

- Got it?
- Yeah.

All right, I'm gonna go wash my mouth out.
You want that?

No, not anymore.

Miguel?

- Tory.
- How'd you know I worked here?

I didn't.
I thought you worked at the roller rink.

No, that's at night.

I gotta work two jobs now.
Mom's not doing well.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

I know that I should've come to see you.

I just didn't know how to help.

So you did nothing.

I felt guilty about everything.

But we're doing everything we can to
get back at Miyagi-Do for what they did.

As Sensei Kreese says,
"If one of us gets hurt, we all get hurt."

Nobody else got hurt, Tory.

- I'm the one in a wheelchair.
- Yeah, I just meant...

I know what you meant.

I never cared about Miyagi-Do or Kreese,

I cared about us.

Did you?

Or were you just going out with me
to get Sam's attention?

- Is that really what you think?
- I saw you with her.

- I didn't have a choice.
- Yes, you did, Tory!

I know you're helping your mom, but…

you need help.

You think I'm crazy?

- I didn't say that.
- No, that's OK. Everyone does.

I don't give a sh*t.
All that matters is who wins in the end.

Nice seeing you.

We're so happy
you could join us, Armand.

- Sorry your wife couldn't make it.
- She had a… zumba mumba class.

I don't know. Bunch of bullshit.
This stuff is good!

It's Daniel's mother's famous
chicken cacciatore.

You should try dipping your bread in…

the sauce.

Mmm. Yeah. Very good. So…

why am I here?

Well, we just wanna talk
a little business.

You know we don't talk business.

I don't trust car salesmen,
so I can't make a deal with you.

Well, how about you do a deal with me?

Ah!

Got a proposal for me, darling?

Just a business proposal,
not the indecent kind.

Ah.

All right. Tell me. What?

I want you to evict a tenant
in your Reseda strip mall.

Is this about the snake karate?

Why would I evict him?
He's an excellent tenant.

Much better than the last guy.

No, he's a danger to our community.
He's unstable.

- He's unpredictable.
- So?

His rent is predictable.
He pays on time all the time.

OK, and just out of curiosity,
how much is that rent exactly?

I can't tell you that.

It would be, how you say…

unethical.

We'll double it.

Amanda!

Nuclear option.

No, I want triple.

Look, all we want is Kreese to be gone.

Then you can rent out the space
to another tenant.

Ah.

The double-dip.

Mmm. I like the double-dip.

Mmm.

Deal!

- We want him out by tomorrow.
- All right. No problem. Tomorrow.

Anyway,

it was great doing business with…

one of you.

- I have eyes on the target.
- Status on air support?

No response.

Damn it. This goes south
and they don't know where we are,

it's on you.

- Ponytail's in position.
- All right, we're live.

- Please work.
- Kreese, when he clears, you light 'em up.

Oh, sh*t!

Blow it. Blow it now!

- I can't!
- Take 'em out so we can get outta here!

- He's still there, Captain.
- Then he's dead. Blow it!

No!

You son of a bitch, Kreese!

We had 'em. You k*lled us!

I... I couldn't.

Johnny, I'm…

Oh, God, he's dead because of me!
It's my fault. God!

Shut your g*dd*mn mouth, Silver!

I told you not to hesitate,
and now look what you did!

Look at him, Kreese! Look!

What do you want?

Look, you pay your rent on time,

but, unfortunately,

I got a much higher offer for this space.

So, uh…

you can't rent here anymore.

- What about our contract?
- All my contracts have escape clauses.

And I have eviction papers.

Uh, so...

you have to leave today.

That's not happening.

Erik! Grigor!

My nephews are going to help you leave.

Whether you like it or not.

I just cleaned the blood off that mat.

Oh, well.

Focus!

Come on, this is worse than yesterday!
You aren't trying. What's the problem?

You saw your ex. Big deal.

Big deal? Dude, look at you. We spent
all day doing bullshit for your ex,

making you look like someone you're not.

At least
I told my ex how things really were!

Done with your little hissy fit
or are you just giving up?

- No, you are.
- What'd you say?

You're the one giving up.

- I don't know...
- Quiet!

You let Kreese take your dojo.

You let Hawk, Tory, and everyone else
think you're weak.

Because it was a mistake to begin with.

I shouldn't have brought back Cobra Kai,
look what happened.

What happened is you helped people
then walked away like a p*ssy.

You're a sensei. It's who you are.
If you can't see that, you're blind.

- Miguel…
- What?

Huh.

- Am I doing it?
- You're doing it.

- Holy sh*t! I'm doing it.
- You're doing it!

- Thank you.
- Nah.

No, thank you.

I look ridiculous.

Ali. You're right.
It's crazy how things change.

For a long time,
I didn't have much direction in my life.

But then, things got better.

I met a kid who needed some help.

So I got back into karate,
became a sensei.

- Oh, yes!
- There were ups and downs.

I even gave up for a while.

But I can't give up anymore.

I have a long way to go
to be a better man, a better father,

a better teacher.

But I can make
a difference in these kids' lives.

It's a tough world out there,
and I can help them be ready for it.

That's what I've been up to.

That's who I am.

I'm a sensei.

Nah, too long.

Thank you again for your business.

While your car's being serviced,

I wanna hook you up
with an Enterpise rental, very classy.

My man Anoush is gonna help you
pick out something special.

He's new and a little slow,

so forgive him
if he's not as polished as me.

I trained you. You were the garbage man
in the break room.

See, this is what I'm talking about.

He's the owner's cousin, so…

Right this way.

Looks like our ducks
are finally in a row.

The dealership's back on its feet,

Kreese is out of our lives.
How shall we celebrate?

I was thinking maybe, like, a banner

that says "I told you so."

Uh-huh. All right. Go ahead.
Get it out of your system.

I don't know, babe.

All I'm saying is if I was around in '84.
You may not have as many stories to tell.

- Uh-huh.
- I b*at Cobra Kai in, what? One afternoon.

All right. I did save the dealership
though. Don't I get a little credit?

You get more than a little.

I can't believe it's over.

- Here we go.
- Oh, put it on speaker.

- Hey, Armand.
- LaRusso. The deal is off.

What? We had an agreement.

No, no, no, no.
I can't get out of contract.

Hello, Danny boy.

Nice try.
But you can't end a w*r with diplomacy.

So I suggest
you prepare your students for battle.

Because now,

it's open season.

On them…

and you.

Snake. Snake!

- Oh, God, I hate snakes!
- Dude. Stop being a little bitch, OK?

Oh, sh*t, I think it touched me!
I think it touched me!

Oh, my God!