03x07 - Moondust

[bunniefuu]

You leave shortly for the moon,
a journey of 240,000 miles.

Now, if successful,
you will be the first men

to walk on the surface
of another heavenly body.

What exactly do you hope to discover?

I think
even more important than the answers

that we'll be able
to find will be the fact

that we get
a whole bunch of new questions to ask.

- Mr. Armstrong.
- Uh, Neil.

Neil! Marvin Miles, Los Angeles Times.

Uh, the descent onto the lunar surface
appears to be, uh, very challenging.

How far will you burn down,

and how low could you stage an abort
if necessary?

We have made some significant improvements

in the flight control system
in recent months.

The powered descent will be handled
by the computer to a large degree.

Colonel Aldrin,
after you land on the moon,

what do you anticipate
from those first moments?

Any expectations, hopes, anxieties?

Well, uh, immediately upon touchdown,

our concern is the integrity
of the lunar module.

Without that integrity,

we cannot safely continue
with the lunar surface work...

- Are those the astronauts?
- Hmm.

- You are humble men...
- Why are they in a box?

So as not to catch any germs.

And encapsulate
something deeply human.

Are you going to sit down
or just stand there hovering?

To, uh, push boundaries.

Without exploration,
without asking questions,

are we not destined
for sort of, uh, stasis as a species?

The American State Department
asked if I wanted to send a message.

- What kind of message?
- For the astronauts to leave on the moon.

They approached a handful of individuals
from around the globe.

A cross-section of human civilization

to provide a message
of a shared and common humanity.

What did you say?

"On behalf of the British people,"

I salute the skill and courage
that have brought man to the moon.

"May this endeavor increase
the knowledge and well-being of mankind."

One of your very best.

How will it be, um, communicated?

On a disc, apparently.

- What kind of disc?
- A silicon disc.

They sent a picture. A tiny disc,

with tiny, microscopic inscriptions
in golden lettering.

"From Planet Earth, July 1969."

Which they intend to leave
in a little white pouch.

- With an olive branch.
- An olive branch?

Yes, for the little green men
to wave about.

I'm going to bed.

Oh, and church tomorrow is
at nine, not ten.

Why do we do this?

Week in, week out. Like lemmings.

What does it do for you?

- Honestly.
- Church?

Hmm.

It's a chance to take stock.

Reflect on the past week.
Think ahead to the next.

You can use a diary for that.

- And to think of life's bigger questions.
- Except one doesn't.

One mainly thinks about

what a lot of dreary nonsense the dean
is talking and why doesn't he shut up.

He's been with us for nearly 20 years.

That might make him loyal,
it does not make him interesting.

- Shh!
- Hello there.

They have mouths,
but they speak not.

Eyes have they, but they see not.

They have ears, but they hear not.

Noses have they, but they...

Uh...

Uh...

Um...

- You see?
- Shh.

It's not a sermon,
it's a general anesthetic.

Ah, but they smell not.

They that make them are alike unto them.

So is everyone that trusteth in...

- That's it. That's the last time.
- Shh.

And so the Lord...

From now on,
on Sunday while you lot are in here,

I'm going to spend this hour
doing something useful.

But unto His name give glory,

nor to false idols, either.

Uh... ah.

- Michael.
- Ma'am.

Is it possible, do you think,
the dean might have reached...

How can I put this kindly?
The moment of his own obsolescence?

I noticed one or two people
struggling to stay awake.

We could discreetly start the search
for a replacement.

Could we? Someone with a bit of...

- Oomph.
- I think so.

- Zest.
- That's it.

- Pep.
- Yes, thank...

- Vim.
- Thank you.

And so, here at Cape Kennedy,
we're all off to the moon this morning.

- Are you watching, Anne?
- Anne! Play with us!

Mighty Saturn V,
the big Moon Express,

all ready to leave platform 39
here at Cape Kennedy,

on time in about 30 minutes.

This enormous event
which uniquely unites all the world

because all the world
can be interested in this journey,

and after this journey,
we on Earth can never be the same.

- Where is she?
- Who, sir?

If I say "she,"
and we're in Buckingham Palace,

who do you think I mean?

There you are. I've been looking for you.
Where have you been?

On the telephone, interviewing candidates
to become the new dean.

- Anyone good?
- Yes, I think we've found one.

- How old?
- Same age as you, I'd say.

- Really?
- And a good fit.

- For what?
- For the job I've asked him to do.

T minus 15 seconds. Guidance is internal.

Twelve, eleven, ten, nine...

Ignition sequence starts.

Six...

Five, four, three, two, one.

Liftoff. We have a liftoff.

Thirty-two minutes past the hour.
Liftoff on Apollo 11.

Extraordinary.

What men, what courage.

- Tower clear.
- We got a roll program.

Neil Armstrong reporting
the rolling pitch program, which puts...

11, Houston. Thrust is go,
all engines. You're looking good.

Roger, you're loud and clear, Houston.

We got skirt sep.

Roger, we confirm skirt sep.

- Tower's gone.
- Roger. Tower.

Neil Armstrong confirming
both the engine skirt separation

and the launch escape tower separation.

Apollo 11, this is Houston.

Slightly less than one minute to ignition
and everything is go.

Roger.

Ignition.

We confirm ignition, and the thrust is go.

It's looking good.

Apollo 11 has now completed
its trans-lunar injection burn,

meaning it is free of Earth's orbit,

and traveling at the colossal speed
of 24,200 miles an hour towards the moon.

The astronauts have now completed

what they call the transposition,
docking and extraction maneuver.

This rather risky procedure is when
the command service module, Columbia,

detaches from the rest of the spacecraft,
drifts forward a little,

flips over, then reattaches
to the lunar module, Eagle.

This new assembly then detaches
from the final stage of the Saturn rocket.

As I say, a hair-raising business,

but it all seems to have gone off
without a hitch.

Tuesday next week,
you will be in Cheshire

to visit the works
of British Salt Limited.

On Wednesday, it's Norfolk
to inaugurate a new gas terminal.

Then on Friday,

it's Macclesfield for the open day

of the Machine Tool Industry
Research Association.

That evening, there will be a dinner
given by the British Concrete Society,

where you have been asked
to present an award.

- May I interrupt, Your Royal Highness?
- What?

The newly appointed Dean of Windsor,
Robin Woods,

was wondering
if you could spare him a moment.

- He has a request.
- Fine. Just put something in the book.

Another highlight to look forward to,

along with the award show
for the British Concrete Society.

- Is that a joke?
- Afraid not, sir.

Uh, actually, he's here now.

Hello?

Your Royal Highness.

How can I help?

In the process of moving in,
my wife and I, we couldn't help noticing

that there were a large number
of buildings on the estate of Windsor

that appear to be empty and unused.

Specifically...

the old canons' cloisters,

one or two of the buildings
on Denton's Commons,

all the houses on the North Walls,
the old residences of the minor canons.

I-I realize this is quite...

forward of me, but I was wondering

if I could make a request
to use one of them.

Wha...
You don't like the home we've given you?

No...

this wouldn't be as a home.

For a long time now,
I've had a dream, an ambition,

to start an academy or conservatoire.

Uh... What for?

Personal and spiritual growth.

Something that has struck me,
from my own experience,

but also from observing it in...
well, in others,

is that you get to a certain age
and you hit a ceiling,

a crisis, if you will. You...

You lose perspective. Get into a slump.

It's quite common
among businessmen and executives,

and it's no different for clergymen.

We see a particularly high level
of dissatisfaction

- among mid-career clergymen...
- Yes.

And I thought one of these buildings,
in its idyllic setting,

would be a great place
for priests to come and recharge,

reflect, raise their game.

By doing what?

Talking, reading, thinking.

May I suggest that your concept is flawed?

You don't raise your game
by talking or thinking.

You raise your game through action.

Like this.
This is how you get out of a slump.

But if...
if one of those buildings is free,

and you want to fill it
with hot air and thought,

then be my guest.

Thank you, sir.

We don't have to wait
long now, 17 minutes and counting.

The landing craft has separated
from the command module

and has begun its descent
to the surface of the moon.

Armstrong and Aldrin
will now send the lunar module

into a sort of pirouette
to allow Collins...

- Nigel, will you wake the children?
- Yes, sir.

- And tell the Queen, please. Thank you.
- Sir.

Andrew, darling. It's time.

Edward.

Edward. Time to wake up.

Come on. Dressing gown on.

Come on, Edward. Hurry up.

Hold on.

- Let's go.
- Come on!

- It's a very exciting evening.
- It certainly is.

Are you able
to join us for a drink?

That would be very nice.
Thank you.

Not at all.

Michael Collins
left alone in the orbiter now,

meaning when it passes behind the moon,

he'll be entirely cut off
from the rest of humanity.

The loneliest man in the universe.

- Quickly, Andrew.
- Quick. Quick. Quick.

Try to sit still.

Come on, space hopper.

Only a couple of thousand feet

above the surface of the moon now.

Gosh.

Their landing site, chosen
for its smoothness, but not entirely...

Do take a seat, please.

Slightest impact with rock or crater
could disable the lunar module...

- Drink, sir?
- Robert, can you see?

- It's Robert's birthday.
- Altitude's a little high.

Houston, I'm getting a little fluctuation
in the...

They're about to land.

- What is that?
- I don't know.

Yes, hard to believe.

- John, hurry up, you're going to miss it.
- Shh!

What are they saying?

That he's gone to manual control.
Something's wrong.

- Doesn't look real.
- I know.

Three hundred and fifty feet.
Down at four.

What'll happen if they can't land?

No, they'll run out of fuel.
Quiet, please. Just, shh!

- Down two and a half.
- Shh. Please.

They're about to land.

What's happening now?

Houston, uh, Tranquility Base here.

- The Eagle has landed.
- Man on the moon.

- They did it!
- Man has landed on the moon.

- Did you see?
- Yes, Papa.

As we watch these images tonight,

we are united across the world in a...

- Extraordinary.
- uniform sense of wonder.

- Never before has the entire planet...
- Shall we fly to the moon?

No, don't, darling.
Mind his head. Mind his head.

Meteor.

To each of us, this is historic.

- The Eagle has landed.
- To some of us, this is even divine.

- Can you believe they're on the moon?
- And yet...

all of us, regardless of race, sex,
or religious belief,

we are united right now
in this singular human achievement.

OK, Neil, we can see you
coming down the ladder now.

I'm at the foot of the ladder.

The LM footpads are only depressed
in the surface about one or two inches,

although the surface appears to be

very, very fine grained
as you get close to it.

It's almost like a powder.

Down there, uh, it's very fine.

I'm going to step off the LM now.

That's one small step for man...

one giant leap for mankind.

It has a stark beauty all its own.

It's, uh, like much of the high desert
of the United States.

It's, uh, different,
but it's very pretty out here.

This is a powerful reminder

of our capacity for greatness
as a species.

Not simply the engineering triumph
represented here today,

but the triumph of human ambition.

The desire to reach
quite literally for the stars.

And I think this new perspective,
seeing the Earth from space,

in all our unity and cohesion,

is likely to inspire
an unprecedented shift in our thinking.

- Beautiful view.
- Isn't that something?

Magnificent sight out here.

Magnificent desolation.

Uh...

Mr. Governor, ladies and gentlemen,

esteemed members
of the Wool Textile Delegation.

I very much appreciate

the honor you have bestowed on me
by your invitation

to the mill of Thomas Burnley & Sons,
here in Yorkshire.

The groundbreaking work
you are doing here by embracing...

There comes a time,
a moment in everyone's experience

where dentures and other oral prosthetics
become an indispensable fact of life.

According to last year's
adult dental health survey...

May I?

- You have control?
- I have control.

What are you doing, sir?

- This isn't on the flight chart.
- There's no other traffic.

Sir.

Sir, the service ceiling for this aircraft
is 45,000 feet.

You and I both know
it can safely climb way beyond that.

Sir, you...

Come on. Come on.

God, isn't it beautiful?

I'm sure, but we're currently at the
very limit of what this aircraft can do.

Perhaps, but look.

We've also lived.

Just for a minute.

The first men on the moon

lifted off on the first stage
of their journey home

an hour and six minutes ago.

A new chapter in human history
has opened.

The race for the moon is over.

For the people of this planet,

what is the meaning
of this stupendous venture?

"We shall not cease from exploration,"

and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started

"and know the place for the first time."

Those words by TS Eliot
have never rung more true.

We stand at the dawn
of a new age of space exploration.

The promise of space
has never felt more real...

- Morning, sir.
- Morning, sir.

- Your Royal Highness.
- Oh, Christ.

Morning.

I wonder whether you might have a moment,
sir, to meet the new arrivals.

Ah, your concentration camp
for spiritual defectives?

- I prefer center of recovery and renewal.
- Well, I'm sure you do.

We have an interesting group of all ages
from around the United Kingdom.

- Will you join?
- Join what?

It's an academy
for blocked mid-level priests.

Correct.

Well, in case you hadn't noticed,
I'm not a priest.

Just to say hello.

- What, now?
- Why not?

Fine. Get in.

Do I need to show symptoms of despair?

Should I sigh and moan dramatically?

One does like to fit in.

I've brought our landlord,
His Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh,

to say hello.

- How do you do, Your Royal Highness?
- Good morning.

- Your Royal Highness.
- Good morning.

- Morning, sir.
- Morning.

- Good morning.
- Your Royal Highness.

So...

What, uh... what have you all been up to?

Apart from making
quite a mess of our house, I see.

We started by identifying
why each of us had chosen to come here,

and stating what we were
hoping to achieve.

Uh, perhaps we should recap
for His Royal Highness.

Michael.

Well, I'm-I'm here because, uh...

having recently reached a...
a particular age...

I won't ask.

I-I decided to give myself a score.

And... I felt I only merited a fail.

D minus.

- Oh, dear.
- And why was that?

Well, when entering the church,

I allowed myself to dream
that advancing age

would bring new revelations.

Insight.

A deepening of my faith.

A growing flock.

But instead I-I find myself
in a small rural parish

with a dwindling congregation.

- Lowering attendance.
- Right.

And this has left you
with a sense of disappointment,

of underachievement and directionlessness.

Yes.

That sense of directionlessness
and redundancy is...

Well, it's something that chimed
with one or two others here.

Because of how the public
has turned away from us.

Turned away from the church.

It's clear we are failing
to connect with people.

More and more people are finding
their spiritual needs being met...

elsewhere.

Where, for example?

The moon. I...

The moon. Yes, sir.

Five hundred million people
watched the lunar landing.

- Yes.
- Five hundred million people

getting from televisions
what they used to get from the church.

A sense of coming together,
a sense of community, of awe, of wonder.

Well, that was part of a wider shift too,
we agreed,

from religion to science.

The greater
the achievements in science,

the more mysteries are explained,

the more questions are answered,

the less need there is for a god
to provide answers.

I'm remind of Keats.

"What is there in thee, moon,

that thou shouldst move my heart
so potently?"

Now we know what the moon is.

Nothing.

Just dust.

Silence.

Monochromatic void.

We see no God
behind those rocks and space dust,

simply an unknowable vastness.

"When I consider Thy heavens,
the work of Thy fingers,"

the moon and the stars
that Thou hast ordained...

what is man that Thou art mindful of him?

"And the son of man
that Thou visitest him?"

Any thoughts, sir?

Me?

I'll tell you what I think.

I've never heard such a load
of pretentious, self-piteous nonsense.

What you lot need to do
is to get off your backsides,

get out into the world,
and bloody well do something.

That is why you are all so... so lost.

I believe that there is an imperative
within man, all men, to make a mark.

Action is what defines us.
Action, not suffering.

All this sitting around
thinking and talking...

Let me ask you this.

Do you think those astronauts up there

are catatonic like you lot? Of course not.

They are too busy
achieving something spectacular.

And as a result,
they are at one with the world.

At one with their God.

And happy.

That's my advice.

Model yourselves on men of action,

like Armstrong, Aldrin, Collins.

I mean, these men score A triple plus.

They've got the answers.

Not a bunch of navel-gazing underachievers

infecting one another with gaseous doom.

If you do opt for action, you can start
by cleaning up this bloody floor.

Oh, not again.

Around the same time we were asked
by the American State Department...

It's the second time this week.

If we'd send that message to the moon
on a silicon disc,

we were also asked another question.

On how many occasions
is the British royal family

- forced to eat venison each year?
- No.

Honestly, I think if I eat
any more of this stuff

I'm going to start growing antlers.

- Are you listening?
- Yes.

I'm all ears. Little brown furry ones.

Well, provided they make it back to Earth
in one piece,

and if after all their tests
they're still standing...

Would we like an audience
with the astronauts?

What? Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins?

- Here at the palace?
- Yes.

They're being sent around the world
on a victory tour.

Shall I go back with a yes?

My God. Yes, please.

I thought that would cheer you up.

It does.

Do I need cheering up?

A little.

They're scheduled to arrive
at Heathrow Airport at 2:00 p.m.

From there they will be taken directly to
the American Embassy at Grosvenor Square

for a meeting with the US ambassador.

From there they will come
to Buckingham Palace

for an audience
with Her Majesties the Queen,

Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother,
His Royal Highness Duke of Edinburgh,

Princess Margaret, Princess Anne,
Prince Andrew and Prince Edward.

- And what time will that be?
- Around four o'clock, ma'am.

Will we give them anything? Tea?

Probably not. We thought it good
to keep things moving. No sitting down.

I quite agree.

No more than half an hour
from arrival to departure.

Right.

I'd like to make a request.

- If I may?
- Sir.

Instead of being herded in
with everyone else,

I was wondering if I might be allowed
some time with the astronauts alone...

in a separate, private meeting.

Uh, airman to airmen.

Pilot to pilots.

I'll speak to the ambassador,

but I'm sure it would be possible our end.

Would 15 minutes be enough?

Fifteen minutes?

They are on a very tight schedule,
I believe.

To discuss mankind's greatest achievement?

No.

It's nowhere near enough.

I can see it's all I'm going to get.

Landing at
London Heathrow Airport from Berlin,

the Apollo moon men begin a hectic
twenty-two-and-a-quarter-hour visit

that demands the same sort of precision
and timing as their mission in space.

The world-famous "Man on the Moon" team

of Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin
and Michael Collins,

accompanied by their wives,

received one of their warmest welcomes
yet from the British people.

The astronauts admitted
that they are starting to feel the strain

of their 22-nation world tour.

Here man from the planet
Earth first set foot upon the moon.

July 1969.

And I can see everything quite clearly.

The light is, uh, sufficiently bright,

backlighted into the front of the LM,
that everything is very clearly visible.

- Beautiful view.
- Isn't that something?

Magnificent sight out here.

The American astronauts
are now arriving at Buckingham Palace.

The world-famous team of Neil Armstrong,
Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins...

Your Majesty, Mr. Neil Armstrong.

Hello. Welcome.

- Pleasure to meet you.
- And you.

- Mrs. Armstrong.
- Hello.

- Colonel Michael Collins.
- Hello.

- Pleasure to meet you.
- Great pleasure to meet you.

Great pleasure to meet you, young man.

Sir.

Please don't tell me
you want to talk about children.

- Have they been waiting long?
- No, only a few moments, sir.

Mr. Neil Armstrong,
Colonel Michael Collins

and Colonel Edwin Aldrin,
Your Royal Highness.

- It is a great, great honor, gentlemen.
- Sir.

- Congratulations one and all.
- Sir.

Please, do, uh... do sit down.

Um...

There's no need to sit so closely.

As you can see, there's plenty of space.

I notice you instinctively
sat in the same positions

as the, uh, command module.

Anyway, I don't, I don't know
if anyone told you,

but, uh, I am, uh,
actually a pilot myself.

And I was...

- Are you all right?
- Yes, sir. I just have a cold.

- Here.
- I...

- It's clean, I promise you.
- Thank you.

My, you've, uh,
you've, you've all got colds.

Yes, we do.

Well, here we are. Hmm.

I just want to say
how much I admire what you've done.

It's just remarkable.

But also to say how much I identify
in some way with... with who you are.

- Bless you.
- Sorry.

I, um...

I wrote down some questions.

And...

You see, I initially imagined
that I wanted to ask questions of you

on a technical level.

You know, what is the physical experience
of G-forces of that magnitude,

and so on, but...

You see, I...

I realize now that...

the questions
I actually want answering are...

You're all too young to understand,
I think, but...

There comes a time in life
when one first really starts to evaluate

what one has accomplished.

And because of the position
that I've ended up in here,

who I've become...

Um...

Who I'm married to...

Uh...

I've...

Well, I've not been able to achieve
the things I would have liked to...

as a man, as a...

as an adventurer.

And watching you three heroes at work...

it was like watching a dream.

Which is why I-I leapt at the chance
to meet with you,

even if it is just for ten minutes,
that I might ask...

What your thoughts were...

out there.

Neil?

Well, uh...

obviously a sense of relief
that we ex*cuted the mission successfully.

No, of course.

And we certainly got some amazing views,
didn't we?

- Yeah, we did.
- Yes, extraordinary.

I think I'm not talking so much about...

the views in that sense, as...

perspectives,

observations of...

of our place.

Uh...

To be honest,
there wasn't much time for that.

Um...

As a pilot, you'll know
what they drill into you above all else

- is protocol and, uh, procedure.
- Hmm.

- You've got to stick to the rules.
- Yes.

- Well, as an astronaut, it's double that.
- Hm-hmm.

We pretty much spent our entire time
with lists in our hands,

ticking things off.

Tick, check, tick, check.

Eyes are glued
to the mission protocol to such a degree

you never really get to look outside.

- That's how busy they keep you.
- I see.

Tight leash.

Not to mention
most of the time you're so darn tired.

No matter how hard you practice,
you never get used to the sleep.

Sleep.

Neil, uh, why don't you tell
His Royal Highness

about what happened after the moonwalk?

- I would love to hear.
- He wants to hear it.

- Well, after I completed the moonwalk...
- I-I watched it all. Every step.

I got back into the module,

and knew we only had a few hours

to get some rest
before we took off again, so I...

- I got my head down, I closed my eyes...
- Wait for it.

But all I could hear was this noise.
Bang, bang.

Bang, bang.

- What?
- Bang, bang, bang.

What, from outside the module?

- I know. You know what it was?
- What?

The water cooler.

It was making this noise.
Bang, bang, bang.

The greatest engineers in the world
design a rocket that takes us to the moon,

but they can't even get us
a decent water cooler.

So you were right.

- It was full of surprises.
- Hmm.

I see.

Were there any other questions
you had for us?

No. No, it's...

Well, in that case, would you
mind if we asked you a few questions?

No, of course.

What is it like?

What is what like?

Living in a place like this.

Because we heard you had a thousand rooms.

And that if you add the lengths
of all the corridors together,

- it comes to... four miles.
- Uh, well...

Is it true you have a bagpiper
for an alarm clock?

And how many staff
do you have here anyway?

And how many palaces? We heard... it's 12.

And do you know all these people
in the pictures?

Are you related to those people?

Do the dogs sleep in the room with you?

That's mine. Thank you.
Race you to the top.

Go!

No!

- Yes!
- It was a close call.

One, two, three.

Cheese!

One more.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I expected them to be... giants, gods.

In reality,
they were just three little men.

Pale-faced, with colds.

I have some sympathy.

The very qualities
that made them perfect for the job.

But their lack of flair or imagination.

Their sense of duty,
and modesty and reliability.

Total absence of originality
or spontaneity.

But that's what makes them
perfect in a crisis.

And entirely anticlimactic
when you meet them in person.

I mean, imagine.

They go all that way to the moon
and stay healthy,

but one trip to London nearly kills them.

It's not their fault.

They never wanted to be public figures,

and now, because of one event,
they will be forever.

Hmm. They delivered as astronauts, but...

they disappointed as human beings.

They'll spend the rest of their lives
in goldfish bowls...

scared to open their mouths,

knowing it could reveal
who they actually are,

and that they will inevitably disappoint.

And for that, they deserve our pity.

Good job there were no little green men.

They could be forgiven for thinking, "If
that's all planet Earth has got to offer",

let's give the place a miss."

Hmm.

There wasn't a specific moment,
uh, when it started.

It's been more of a gradual thing.

A drip, drip, drip of... of doubt...

disaffection,

disease, dis... discomfort.

People around me have noticed
my general...

uh, irritability.

Um...

Now, of course,
that's... that's nothing new.

I'm... generally a cantankerous sort,

but even I would have to admit that
there has been more of it lately.

Not to mention,
uh, an almost jealous fascination

with the achievements
of these young astronauts.

Compulsive overexercising.

An inability to find calm...

or satisfaction...

or fulfillment.

And when you look
at all these symptoms,

of course it doesn't take a genius
to tell you that...

they all suggest
I'm slap bang in the middle of a...

I can't even say what kind of crisis.

That... that crisis.

And...

Of course one's read or heard about
other people hitting that crisis,

and, you know, just like them,
you look in all the usual places,

resort to all the usual things
to try and make yourself feel better.

Uh...

Some of which I can admit to in this room,

and some of which I probably shouldn't.

My mother d*ed recently.

She... she saw that something was amiss.

It's a good word, that.

A-Amiss.

She saw that something was missing
in her youngest child.

Her only son.

Faith.

"How's your faith?" she asked me.

I'm here to admit to you that...

I've lost it.

And...

without it, what is there?

The...

The loneliness

and emptiness and anticlimax

of going all that way to the moon

to find nothing,
but haunting desolation...

ghostly silence...

gloom.

That is what faithlessness is.

As opposed to finding...

wonder, ecstasy, the miracle of...

divine creation, God's design and purpose.

What am I trying to say?

I'm trying to say that...

the solution to our problems,

I think, is not in the...

in the ingenuity of the rocket,
or the science or the technology or...

even the bravery.

No, the answer is in here.

Or here, or wherever it is
that... that faith resides.

And so... Dean Woods...

having ridiculed you for what you

and these poor, blocked, lost souls...

Were... were trying to achieve here
in St. George's House...

I now find myself full of respect...

and admiration...

and not a small part of...

desperation...

as I come to say...

help.

Help me.

And to admit...
that while those three astronauts

deserve all our praise and respect
for their undoubted heroism,

I was more scared
coming here to see you today

than I would have been
going up in any bloody rocket!