04x04 - Bicephaly

[bunniefuu]

[Mr. Palmer] As you can see,
the West Valley High campus

is a lot larger than the middle school,

and when you become a freshman next year,

y-you'll have access
to some amazing facilities.

Our science lab is state of the art.

Well, at least it was.

- Did it get destroyed in the fight?
- Uh, no.

Uh, the district required us to remove

anything that could potentially
be used as a w*apon

in the event of another karate incident.

Okay, let's, uh...

Okay, so, this way's the cafeteria.

There actually was a fight there,
so it got ruined, but...

Hey, new kid. What do you think?

Me? What?

The high school? I heard it's haunted.
Do you think that's true?

Oh! Oh, definitely, yeah, yeah.

Uh, actually, I d*ed five years ago.

Well, ghost boy, you got strawberry
on your snake shirt. [chuckles]

You've been letting me
walk around like this?

At first I thought
it was part of the evil-looking design.

Then I realized you're just a slob.

- Oh.
- Don't worry though.

Nobody else can see you, right?

Yeah

I'm telling you, we had a moment.

Bullshit. No way
is Lexi DiMarco going out with you.

- She's a junior.
- [Nate] I know. She's a total J.I.L.F.

- [Bert] What's that?
- J.I.L.F. Junior I'd Like To...

Whoa!

Looks like someone's a little lost.

Yeah. What makes you think
you can wear a shirt like that here?

It... It's from my dojo.

- Maybe they started a kindergarten class?
- [laughs] Or a nursery.

[Bert laughs]

[distant laughter]

Look at him, running to mommy.
Bye, you little bitch.

[distant laughter]

[Kenny panting]

Thinking about striking first, huh?

- I...
- Yeah. Word of advice, kid.

Get out of Cobra Kai while you still can.

'Cause they're about to go down.
And it's not gonna be pretty.

[tense music plays]

[chuckling]

[Bert] Weako. I think he's gonna cry!

[Daniel] Hai.

Hai.

Hai.

Hai.

Hai. Hai.

Hai. Hai.

Hai. Hai.

Hai.

Hai.

- [Johnny] att*ck!
- [Samantha grunts]

That's it. att*ck!

[grunting]

- That's it.
- [Daniel] That's it. Hai.

Hai. Hai. Hai. Hai.

[Demetri] Oh sh*t!

Um, I'm not gonna
get in any trouble, am I?

All right, remember, one of the best ways
to get a point is to aim for the torso.

- [Demetri groans]
- All right, front kick, side kick. Ready?

- [Demetri] Huh?
- Go!

[Demetri mumbles through gag]

- [Demetri groans]
- Very nice.

- Sorry.
- [Demetri groans]

Nice kick, LaRusso!

Remember, whip that foot
through the target.

- Ready. Go!
- [Daniel] That's it.

[Demetri groans]

Let all your aggression disappear.

[groaning]

Oh!

- Oh sh*t. I missed. My bad, Meat.
- Very good. Suck it up. Tighten that core.

Good day. You guys showed toughness.

You sure you're okay?

Oh yeah. No, they're starting
to turn back to their normal color.

Diaz. You hungry? I'll make your favorite.

Spicy Manwich, side of steak fries.

I'm actually going with Mr. LaRusso.
We're finishing my mom's car.

Oh, okay. No problem.

[Miguel] Sensei.

Ready when you are.

[Kyler] Yo, guys.

My boy Rory, he got some free tickets
to the drive-in tonight.

They're going old school,
something called Bloodsport?

I know that movie.
My dad left an old VHS at our place.

It was the only evidence I had
that he existed.

I heard it's dope.
So, if you guys are in, let's do this.

Depends on how late
I have to work tonight.

My new boss put me
on the schedule for today.

Guy's a total creep.

You got a new job? Where?

- It's none of your business.
- Okay.

Look who made it.

What's up?

I was at the high school yesterday

and these older kids
started messing with me.

One guy told me I should quit Cobra Kai.

- Who was he?
- I don't know. He had this spiky red hair.

- We still owe that Judas some payback.
- Hell yeah.

[Kreese] Everyone fall in.

As you know,
our enemies are working together.

They are combining their styles
to b*at us.

But they are destined to fail.

Because there is only one way.

And what is that way?

[all] The Way of the Fist, sir!

Exactly.

However, that doesn't mean
that we can't double down.

Class,

meet Sensei Terry Silver.

Co-founder of Cobra Kai

and one of the most ferocious fighters
in the history of the sport.

Together, we built Cobra Kai
from the ground up,

and now he is here
to help you prepare for the All Valley.

Thank you, Sensei Kreese.

It's an honor to be here.

With two senseis,
you will receive twice the instruction.

That means twice the work.

And if you are not prepared
to put in 200%,

then you can leave right now.

But if you dig in and follow our lead,

we're gonna take you to the next level.

Maybe you're just tired.

I swear, this has never,
ever happened to me.

Of course not.

You know, working at the hospital,
I do have access to certain... medications.

What? I don't need pills!

I'm 100% all man.

Okay then.

What is it?

I just can't get
LaRusso and Miguel out of my head.

They spend all this time together
working out, fixing your car.

Yes, but Miguel spending
all that time over there

has given us a chance
to spend more time together.

Did you know LaRusso
showed Miguel Top g*n?

Oof, I love that movie.

Tom Cruise is so handsome.

Cruise is the worst in that.

Here you got the real deal, Iceman,
best of the best, abs for days.

In comes this new guy,
total dweeb, calls himself a maverick.

You can't call yourself a maverick.

Mm. No.

Guy didn't even earn a spot at Miramar.
Got his wingman k*lled too. Not cool.

Okay. [chuckles]
This is not about Tom Cruise.

This is about Miguel.

- Maybe it's time we tell him about us.
- I don't know.

I feel guilty sneaking around.

It's not good to carry secrets like this.

They wear you down.

What if it just makes things worse?

Miggy loves you.

How could it make things worse?

Kids can be weird
about that kind of stuff.

How about this?

You can tell him,
Johnny, when you're ready.

But I know it will make you feel better.

[Johnny sighs]

Never thought I'd know so much about
alternators and power-steering pumps.

I'm sorry you had to give up a Saturday
to work on a car.

Oh, uh, it's okay.
I mean, my mom will be happy.

She can go out on dates again. [chuckles]

- Maybe we shouldn't have fixed it.
- Ah, yeah, I can relate to that.

My mom used to call it
"lunch with a friend." I hated that.

One time, I caught her on a date
with Mr. Harris, my history teacher.

- That was, um... Talk about awkward.
- [Miguel chuckles]

But he gave me an A, though,
so there's an upside.

All right, this looks good.

Now,

it's the moment of truth.

- Get in, give it a try.
- All right.

Let's see. [sighs]

- Just start it up?
- Start it up.

[engine revs]

- Oh, success!
- Look at that! You're a natural.

[Miguel sighs]

Now, we gotta get to a party
and meet Amanda and Sam.

- I'm running late. Let's go.
- What? I don't know how to drive a car.

Oh, well, then I suggest
you back us out nice and slow.

Okay.

[upbeat music plays]

[Miguel sighs]

All right.

[engine squeals]

- No, you're doing great.
- Okay.

Doing great.

- [engine squeals]
- Oh, nope.

[children squealing]

Did I really have to come?

Uh, Sheila's worked for us for ten years.
She's practically family.

Anyway, you used to love
to babysit Cindee. Oh, hi!

This is just about the last place
I'd like to be spending my Saturday.

[Amanda] A lot of people
have it worse than you.

♪ Cinderelly
Bad b*tches wanna go ♪

♪ Glass slippers at the door... ♪

Relax!

Let's go, ladies. Time is money.

They're not gonna wait all day.

By all means, take their tips,
but be discreet about it.

Tammy, come on. More red lip.

It's Tory.

[boss] Well, whatever. Just hurry up.
Let's go, ladies! It's show time!

[pop music plays]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Underneath the bright light
Underneath the bright light ♪

Did I say the last place
I want to spend my Saturday?

I meant the first.

Are you guys gonna b*at up this Hawk dude?

Don't worry about it.
Focus on your combos.

Really use that speed. Let's go.

Yep. Again.

Told you I've been practicing.
Got all the moves down.

Oh really?

What?

[grunting]

Come on.

Over at Miyagi-Do,
I was taught you can learn all the moves,

but none of that matters
unless you have balance.

- Understood?
- Yeah.

[Silver chuckles]

It's... It's a Cobra Kai lesson.
I was just using a Miyagi-Do...

It's okay.

Balance is crucial.

A man can't stand,

he can't fight.

Give Mr. Keene and me a moment alone.

Yes, sensei.

[suspenseful music plays]

Sensei Kreese told me all about you.

You trained at Miyagi-Do, now Cobra Kai.

You'll have enough skills
to kick all our asses.

- I'll do whatever it takes to win.
- Good.

Show me.

[chuckles] What's the matter?
You afraid to hit an old man?

Come on. Show me.

Did I say take it easy?

Come on. No mercy.

[dramatic music plays]

[Robby grunts]

[Silver exclaims]

Good. Good.

[Robby panting]

Now it's my turn.

[dramatic music continues]

- [Robby panting]
- [Silver] Ha!

Hands up.

Ais!

Ais! Ais! Ais!

[grunting]

[wheezing, coughs]

Come on.

You've learned to channel your anger,

but you're afraid.

- I'm not afraid of anything.
- You lying to me or yourself?

If you wanna be a champion,

you need to dig out that fear
and face it, whatever it is.

Because if you don't,
it's gonna hold you back forever.

Understood?

Yes, sensei.

[Silver] Good.

[soft rock music plays]

Yeah!

Oh, yes!

[woman] Click here
to see videos of the hottest...

- Oh sh*t. What's that?
- ...doing everything.

[sighs]

[child] "You'll never get past me."

"Yes, I will. I'm an American hero."

Bang!

"That's what you get."

"The good guy always wins."

[Johnny's mom] Sweetie,
what are you doing up?

I called Mrs. Wilson,
she says she tucked you in.

I couldn't sleep.

Well... it's good you're up.

'Cause I got some big news.

Do you remember that man Sid
we went out to dinner with?

The fat, bald guy?

Don't say that.
He's a very accomplished man.

Guess what?

He proposed!

Isn't it beautiful?

- This means you're gonna have a new daddy.
- But I don't want a new daddy!

Trust me, sweetie.
Things are gonna be better.

No!

[door slams]

[melancholy music plays]

Johnny, please.

What do you have there?

You saved his things?

Johnny, you shouldn't hide this from me.

We have to move on.

I'm throwing it all away.

No!

- [Johnny yells]
- Johnny! Enough!

He left us!

You have a new daddy now. Now go to bed!

Now!

[Daniel singing along to radio]
♪ Well, it's not far down to paradise ♪

♪ At least it's not for me ♪

♪ And if the wind is right
You can sail away ♪

♪ Find tranquility ♪

This is pretty smooth. Who is this?

Oh, that's Christopher Cross.

He was huge in the '80s.

Sensei didn't tell me about him.

Yeah, well, not everything
from the '80s was hard rock.

There were some soft rock songs
that were just perfect.

Michael McDonald, Billy Joel, Chicago...

Who's Chicago?

I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.
It's a yellow light.

[engine revs]

When you see a yellow light
you're supposed to slow down.

Uh, sorry.
Usually with Sensei Lawrence we kind of...

It doesn't matter what he does.

If you're driving with my daughter,
you take the extra precautions.

Uh, yes. You're right. Uh, I'm sorry.

I was pretty shaky at first too.

Most of the kids my age
had their dads teach them.

But for me,

well, lucky I met Mr. Miyagi.

He made me realize
that just because I didn't have a dad

didn't mean there wasn't
someone who could fill that role.

The sad part is I have a dad.

You ever see him?

I don't know much about him.

He got caught up with something illegal.

My mom was pregnant
and tried to get him to stop and

he wouldn't.

That's why Mom and Yaya moved up here.

I looked him up.

It says he lives in Mexico now.

I haven't told my mom though.
She gets mad whenever I bring him up.

Miguel, I hated my mom
for moving us to LA.

I thought
she was only thinking for herself.

But, as I got older,

I realized

she was doing it all for me.

She wasn't just looking for a new career.
She was looking for a better life.

Sounds like that's what your mom did.

It may not seem brave,

but sometimes avoiding conflict is one
of the most heroic things a person can do.

The prince did everything
to climb the mountain,

but the dragon carried me there
so he could eat me alive.

But then the valiant prince
came to my rescue.

Is that the prince
that you stole from another princess?

The other princess
wasn't dating that prince anymore.

Anyway, uh, the dragon breathed hot fire
at the prince, melting his sword.

So now I had to save the prince.

Using what?

A w*apon like,

I don't know,
a spiked bracelet or nunchucks?

No, by singing a magic song.

Oh, and how did the song go?

Yeah, sing us the song!

[children] Yeah! Song!

♪ Beautiful dragon ♪

♪ Please go to sleep ♪

♪ Sunset is falling ♪

♪ Now time to count sheep ♪

Wow. And I thought
you were bad at fighting.[chuckles]

But the story doesn't end there.

You see, the song
didn't put the dragon to sleep.

Instead, it turned it into an evil witch.

And that witch has been spotted
at kids' parties all over the Valley.

And the only way she can be destroyed
is with a glitter b*mb.

And look! There she is now,
trying to blend in with the crowd!

Die, evil witch!

[dramatic music plays]

[rock music plays on radio]

♪ I'm gonna push it to the limit ♪

♪ I'm gonna take it over the... ♪

Not manly enough.

♪ I'm gonna push it, push it, push it
To the limit ♪

[knocking]

Hey, Robby.

What's going on? You wanna come in?

Hawk and some of your students
have been bullying this kid.

Tell them to stop or there'll be payback.

Payback. What the hell
is Kreese putting you up to?

He's not putting me up to anything.
I'm trying to help this kid.

If those assholes don't knock it off,
I'll do what I have to.

Don't do anything stupid.
You already got kicked out of school.

Miguel att*cked me.

I was trying to stop the fight.
He escalated it.

Look, I wasn't there. All right?

But I do know about Cobra Kai.

Kreese is brainwashing you,
just like he brainwashed me.

See, that's the difference
between you and me.

You put all your trust in Kreese.

I don't trust anyone anymore.

I'm just using Cobra Kai
to get what I want.

Yeah, I'm sure you think that,

but you're playing with poison.

- You don't know the whole story.
- I know enough.

And I know what's been holding me back.

For as long as I can remember,
I've been afraid.

Afraid that I would end up like you.

But I'm not gonna have that fear again,
because I'm better than you.

There's nothing left to talk about.

So unless there's something else,
I have dinner to make.

You did a nice job behind the wheel.

I say after the party,
we have a little cake, hit the DMV.

- Pick up your license.
- Okay.

- Hey, honey. Sorry I'm late.
- Oh. Mm-hm.

Interesting, uh, choice.

- You going for the, uh, disco ball look?
- [Samantha chuckles]

Hey. No breaks.

Tory, wait.

What do you want?

I'm sorry about Sam.

Yeah, tell that to her.

I will.

But you can't fault her for having
issues with you after what you did.

Look, I know the situation
with your mom is tough...

No. No, you don't know!
So why don't you just stay out of it?!

Okay. Okay, I will.

Just...

Just know that the world
isn't out to get you.

There's gotta be someone
in your family who can help.

No one I can trust.

But it doesn't matter,
I can handle my own sh*t.

Fine.

No one can help you if you don't let them.

If you ask,

you might be surprised.

[rock music plays]

[car door closes]

Hey, Miguel!

Come over for a bite?
Something I've been wanting to talk about.

Uh, yeah, sure. I just had an early dinner
with the LaRussos though.

Oh.

Yeah. We went
to this place called Katsuya.

Mr. LaRusso's friends with the chef,

so he brought out all this fresh fish.
It was so good.

Uh, but I'm stuffed.

I have to get ready.
I have this thing with Sam later, so...

It seems you've been spending
a lot of time with LaRusso lately.

Yeah, I guess. I mean,

he paid for my mom's car,
showed me how to fix an engine.

- Today he taught me how to drive!
- He did what?

I drove down Ventura with him.
It was so great.

How come you haven't told me
about Chicago?

What happened in Chicago?

No. [chuckles] The band.

You know, uh, "You're the Inspiration,"
"Glory of Love." Peter Cetera's badass.

Peter Cetera is the opposite of badass.

What happened to Scorpions? Slaughter?
Just out the window?

No. Uh, they're cool too.
It's just different, is all.

Yeah, very different.

[sighs] Okay. Look,
what did you want to talk about?

Oh, nothing. Do your thing.

Okay.

But, hey, look, let's do dinner tomorrow.
You can make those Manwiches?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Okay.

- [grunting]
- Hi-yah!

[grunting]

[laughing]

Hey, I'm feeling this movie, man.

This Jean-Claude Van... Damn!

Right in the nuts!

[Kyler shrieks with laughter]

Ha! Oh, man!

Not into the movie?

[Kyler laughing]

Oh, it's fine.

I just had a shitty day.

I'd ask, but it's none of my business.

- Here's your stuff.
- Hey, yo, bitch boy.

- What about mine?
- You said you didn't want anything.

I want some now. Get me
two buckets of popcorn with butter,

four large Cokes, two hot dogs
with mustard, no ketchup, and a pretzel.

But I can't carry...

And some nachos with extra cheese
and jalapeño poppers, all right?

Hurry up, man.

Hey.

Don't worry about him.
Hazing the new guy. It's a good thing.

It is?

Yes. Trust me, it's a lot less dangerous
than what I had to do.

Just keep your head up,
you'll earn respect. Got it?

And, um,

get me a Butterfinger.

[Nate] So Lexi
wants me to send pictures now.

- Dude, I think you're being catfished.
- [Nate] That's a risk I'm willing to take.

[Kenny] Not these guys again.

- [Hawk] Damn.
- [Kenny] I'm sorry!

That sucks!

[Robby] That piece of sh*t.

You should watch where you're going, kid.

Yeah, same goes for you.

Look who it is.

You betrayed Miyagi-Do. Traitor.

Oh, there's a traitor here for sure.

He's gonna get what he deserves.

I don't think so.

Not if I have anything
to say about it, Princess.

Hey, guys. Can you believe
that they have Mr. Pibb and Dr. Pepper?

Oh sh*t.

Not another rumble.

Careful, LaRusso. Your mommy
isn't here to play peacemaker.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Stop. We can't do this.

- We'll b*at 'em on the mat.
- [Robby] Oh really?

You remember what happened
the last time we fought, right?

Okay. Meet us
at the baseball diamond in 30 minutes.

And no weapons.

Yeah, we won't need 'em.

Yeah.

Let's go.

[tense music plays]

- You guys see anything?
- They'll be here.

They'd better be.

[Kyler] Whoa!

[Hawk laughs]

Dude, genius move!
We didn't even have to throw a punch!

[Demetri] My favorite kind of victory.

[Hawk laughs]

We can't let them get away with this!

We won't.

[dramatic music crescendos]

[Kyler] We gotta hit 'em back
with a home invasion.

- They hit us with a sprinkler?
- [Tory] This is total bullshit.

- Just shut up and let...
- Now you see what we're dealing with.

As long as LaRusso
and Lawrence are together,

our students have a target on their backs.

We have to strike back.

No.

[Silver sighs]

I agreed to come back

to do what we originally set out to do.

To turn kids into winners.

To bring Cobra Kai back
to its former glory.

But if we're gonna do that,
we have to learn from our mistakes.

What mistakes?

You had the entire Valley
in the palm of your hand and you blew it.

All because of the rivalry
you had with Miyagi.

He att*cked my students.

You weren't there.

I'll never forget that morning
when Johnny Lawrence, my champion,

he came into the dojo with a black eye.

And his confidence?

Shattered.

I wasn't gonna let that old man
get away with that.

I understand.

But now,

we're the old men.

And we should use
the wisdom we've learned.

Cobra Kai, it was never about revenge.

It was about building strength

by taking your fears
and turning them into a w*apon.

That's what we should be focused on.

If we're just gonna rehash the past,

history will just repeat itself
all over again.

So you're saying,
after they humiliated our students,

we just stand down and do... nothing?

I didn't say we'd do nothing.

Henceforth, Miguel Diaz
shall be known as The Rainmaker.

El Diablo de la Lluvia!

If they hadn't fallen for it,
we would've beaten them.

Maybe, but it could've gone bad.

What could've gone bad?

We were about to get in a gnarly fight
at the drive-in,

but Miguel saved the day.

Oh yeah? How'd you do that?

Told the Cobra Kais
to come to the baseball diamond.

Just in time for the grass to get watered.

So you picked a fight, you didn't show up,
and then you doused them with a hose?

Oh, it was sprinklers.

I'll go back to saying nothing.

You just poked the bear.
What do you think's gonna happen?

They're just gonna
leave well enough alone?

From everything I heard, it sounds to me
like Miguel practiced restraint.

Found a way to get out of a bad situation
without anyone getting hurt.

What did you want him to do,
get in a drive-in switchblade fight?

I'm proud of you.
You've taken Miyagi-Do teachings to heart.

Okay, LaRusso, we need to have a talk.

[dramatic music plays]

What the...

[young Silver] Wake up
and smell the coffee, Mr. LaRusso.

You're getting in that ring.
This guy wants to break you!

- Ow!
- Humiliate you!

- Hi-yah!
- Stomp you into the ground!

From now on,
when people say karate around here,

what they'll mean is Cobra Kai karate!

John Kreese's karate!

Gentlemen.

It seems we have a few things to discuss.

[dramatic music crescendos]

[upbeat music plays]