06x14 - The Engagement Ring

[bunniefuu]

(upbeat music)

- Ha.

Ha.

- Do you have to do that?

- Do what?

- That ha.

- If I don't ha, they won't dry.

Ha.

- Look, could you do
that in the other room?

- No, my nails are in here.

Ha.

Ha.

- Well, if you don't mind, I'll,

- Well, here I am.

- Good.

- Say, Mister Douglas, I need
your opinion, how do I look?

- Well,

What difference does it
make, it's dark outside?

- You look very nice, Eb.

Where are you going?

- This is a very
important night for me,

I'm gonna ask Darlene if she
want to play it in my trough.

(audience laughs)

- What?

- If she wants to
get engaged to me.

- Oh, Eb, that's wonderful.

(frog croaks)

- What's that?

- Oh, that's my frog.

He's my good luck charm.

Aren't you?

(frog croaks)

(audience laughs)

- Why do you need
a good luck charm?

- In a situation like this, I
need all the help I can get.

I can't rely solely on my
sophistication and charm.

- That's right.

- Say, Mister Douglas,
what do you say to a girl

at a time like this?

- Very simple, you
just tell her you love her

and you want to marry her.

- I don't want to marry her,
I just want to get engaged.

(audience laughs)

- Well, there's no point
in getting engaged to a girl

unless you want to marry her.

- Leave it to you to spoil a
perfectly beautiful evening.

(audience laughs) (upbeat music)

- Ha.

♪ Green acres is the place to be

♪ Farm living is the life for me

♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside

♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Darling, I love you
but give me Park Avenue

♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air

♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife

♪ Good bye, city life

♪ Green Acres we are there

- Ain't it a beautiful
night, Darlene?

- Sure is.

(frog croaks)

Listen to that bullfrog

- If knew he was
gonna be that noisy,

I wouldn't have
brought him along.

- Oh, Eb.

(frog croaks)

- Quiet.

Darlene, how long have
we been going together?

- Two months.

- Are you sure?

It seems more like six.

- Eb.

- Oh, I didn't mean
that the way it sounded.

I meant that for every
hour I spend with you,

it seems like two.

No, that didn't
come out right either.

Well, what I'm
trying to say is that

we've been going
together for a long time and,

well, how would you
like to get engaged?

(frog croaks)

Not you.

Well, what do you say?

- I'd love to be engaged to you.

- Thank you, and
congratulations.

- Eb, can't you do something
more romantic than that?

- Like what?

- How about kissing me?

- First we have
to make it official.

I couldn't afford a ring.

- Oh, that's alright.

- But I do have something
I'd like you to wear.

It's one of my most
prized possessions.

- Your class pin.

- No, the watch fob I won

in the Pixley-Hooterville
bowling tournament.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, Eb, it's very nice.

- You can buy a chain and
wear it around your neck.

- I will.

And now that we've
made it official,

aren't you going to kiss me?

(frog croaks)

- She's talking to me.

- Well?

- Hold it.

What are you trying
to do to my daughter?

- Kiss her.

- You hippy.

- But Daddy, we're engaged.

- Engaged?

- Show him what I gave you.

- A watch fob?

(frog croaks)

- I won that for coming in
fourth in the bowling tournament.

I would have come in third,

but somebody plugged up one
of the holes in my bowling ball.

- Well, if you think you can
get engaged to my daughter

with a crumby watch fob,

somebody must have plugged
up the hole in your head.

Inside.

- But, Daddy, - Inside!

- But, Mister Wheeler,

- And if I ever see your
cheap face around here again,

pow!

(upbeat music)

(frog croaks)

- You're right, that's
exactly what he is.

- Oliver, would you like to
have some more coffee?

- No, thanks.

Look, where is Eb?

We've got work to do.

- Why, he's
probably still asleep.

He must be exhausted,

he was proposing
to Darlene last night.

- But he shouldn't stay out
late when he has work to do.

- Well, we used to
stay out half the night

when we were going together.

- Yeah, but, - We had
some wonderful times.

Remember the night in Paris

when you took me
up to your penthouse,

and you ordered champagne
and had an orchestra,

and we took we off our shoes
and we danced on the roof?

- I never had a
penthouse in Paris.

- Oh, that's right, that
must have been the count.

He was a big-shport
- Look, I'm not,

- He was also a very
good roof dancer.

(audience laughs)

- Fine, now, if
you'll excuse me.

- I remember the other time,

when you took me on the yacht
and you ordered champagne

and you ordered the orchestra,
and we took off our shoes,

and we danced all
night on the poops deck.

- I never had a yacht either.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, that's right.

That was the Greek
fellow with all the boats.

He was a bish-por, too.

- Look, I don't,

- And a very good
poops deck dancer.

Now as good a poops deck
dancer as a roof dancer, but

- I'll see you later.

(upbeat music)

It's about time you got up.

- I'm in no mood for your
early-morning hostilities.

- Oh, Eb, what would you
like to have for breakfast?

- Nothing, I'm never
gonna eat again.

- Good, then we can get to work.

- I'm never gonna work again.

- What's the matter?
- As if you cared.

All you think about is how
much work you can get out of me

without breakfast.

- What's the problem, Eb?

- It's Darlene.

- What happened,
she turn you down?

- No, her father did.

He didn't like the
engagement present I gave her.

- What did you give her?

- The watch fob I won
for coming in fourth

in the bowling tournament.

- A fourth place watch fob?

- Well, what's wrong with that?

It isn't the thought,
it's what he gave her.

- What he gave her
didn't take much thought.

The fourth place,
- Darlene liked it.

It was that father of
hers, he hates me.

- I knew he wasn't all bad.

(audience laughs)

- Like my father
the king used to say,

parents shouldn't
interfere with their kids.

- He was a fine one to talk,

he was always
sticking his nose in,

- What about your mother?

- What about my problem.

- Oh, Eb, don't worry about it.

These things have a way
of working themselves out.

- If I had only come in second,

I would have won
a silver shoe horn.

Maybe he would of liked that.

- Let's get to work.

(upbeat music)

- Hello, Mister Trucker.

- Hello, Mister
Douglas - Yeah, I,

- I understand
congratulations are in order.

- Congratulations?

- I heard about Eb.

- Oh, that.

- Yeah, I heard he came in
fourth in the bowling tournament.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, no, that was, -
Got a watch fob, huh?

- Well, that tournament was,

- I was never any
good at bowling.

- Oh?

- Wasn't any good at
pitching horseshoes either.

- Well,

- The iron claw machine,
that was my sport.

(audience laughs)

- The iron claw?

- You know, the
machine where you

try to pick up prizes with,

but most of the time all
you get is stale candy.

- Oh, yeah, I've seen those.

- I still hold the state
record for one grab:

12 jellybeans and
an alarm clock.

(audience laughs)

- Yeah, wow.

- Oh, hiya, Sam.

Well, if it isn't the big sport.

- What?

- Here's your freaky fob.

- That's not my fob.

- What do you think of a
tin horn who gives his kid

his fourth-place watch
fob to give to my daughter

for an engagement present.

- Well, I, - That's not my fob.

- Well, whoever it
belongs to, we don't want it.

I'm calling off the engagement.

- You're calling it off?

Why don't you let
the kids decide?

- Yeah, let the kids decide.

It's that kind of thinking

that keeps the
psychiatrists in business.

- What kind of a stupid
statement is that?

- You hear that, Sam?

- Well, I, (stutters)

- Let the kinds run wild, sure.

No wonder they're
all riding motorcycles.

(audience laughs)

- That doesn't make
any sense either.

- You understood
it, didn't you, Sam?

- Well, er, uh,

- Maybe you can understand this:

your kid is not getting
engaged to my daughter

unless he shows up
with an engagement ring.

Now that's clear, isn't it, Sam?

- Well, it's, - Look, Wheeler.

- And one thing more, it
better not be a cheap ring.

I don't want to be ashamed
when I show it around town.

So long, Sam.

- I, uh, oh,

- You know Eb
would be better off

if he didn't marry into that
family, don't you agree?

- Well, I, uh,

(upbeat music)

- You mean she returned it?

- She didn't, her father did.

- Does this mean that
Darlene and I aren't engaged.

- No, not according
to her father.

He wants you to give his
daughter an engagement ring.

- How much would one cost?

- Anywhere from
$200 up to 50,000.

- Can I borrow 50,000 from you?

(audience laughs)

- No.

- How about 200?

- No.

- How about
something in between?

- Eb, forget it, an
engagement ring isn't important.

- That sounds like
married man talk.

An engagement ring may
not be important to you,

but it's certainly
important to a girl.

- Did you get a ring
when you got engaged?

- Every time.

(audience laughs)

- Every time?

- How many times
were you engaged.

- Just a minute,
let me just think.

One, two, three,
four, five, six.

- Wow-wee, who gave you those?

- Well, this one
is from the count,

and this one is from the
Greek fellow with all the boats,

and this one is from the Sheik.

- What Sheik?

- The one I met in the desert.

The one who took
me into his tent,

and we had champagne
and the orchestra,

and we took our shoes
off and we danced

all night in the sand.

- You sure got a lot of
action with your shoes off.

- Eb, I want you to
have one of these

and give it to Darlene.

- Golly, they're all
so expensive looking.

Except this one.

Ha, the guy that gave this

must have been a
really cheapskate.

- Mister Douglas gave it to me.

(audience laughs)

- Well, you should have
taken the fellow with the boats

or the guy with the
sand in his shoes.

- For your information, I
paid $2,000 for that ring.

- Oliver, it doesn't matter
how much you paid for it.

As little as it is,
it's the only one

that meant anything to me.

- Thank you.

- You know, I
think this is the one

we ought to give to
Eb to give to Darlene.

- My ring?

Give him one of the others.

- Well, in Hungary,
we have a custom

where the mother gives her
engagement ring to her child,

and her child gives
it to the next one,

and that way it's passed
from one generator

to the next generator.

- Generator?

- Here, Eb, give it to Darlene.

- Thanks.

(upbeat music)

- Darlene, Darlene?

Darlene?

Guess what I've got.

- Shh, Daddy is inside,
and he's still mad at you.

- He won't be when
he sees what I've got.

- What?

- Your engagement
ring, he'll love it.

- Don't you think you
should show it to me first?

- Oh.

- Oh, Eb, it's beautiful.

- It should be,
it, it cost $2,000.

- 2,000?

- Yes, $2,000.

- That's an awful lot of money.

- I didn't buy it,
it's the family ring.

Mister Douglas bought
it for Misses Douglas,

and she gave it to me for you.

- Oh, isn't that sweet.

Aren't you going to put it on?

- Oh.

How does it look?

- On my finger, Eb.

- Oh.

Oops.

Where'd it go?

- I think it fell through
that cr*ck in the floor.

- We better find it.

(upbeat music)

(audience laughs)

- Get out of there.

- Mister Wheeler, we,

- I should have known it was you

dragging my daughter
under the porch.

Is that another
one of those tricks

you learned from your father?

- We were looking for the ring?

- What ring?

- This ring.

- Hey, let me see that.

- It cost $2,000.

- $2,000, huh?

Well, that's more
like it. (laughs)

Welcome to the family, son.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Hey, wait til I show
this around town.

- Boy, that ring
sure went over big.

- Good.

- Yeah, Mister Wheeler loved it.

- How about Darlene?

- I don't remember
what she said.

(audience laughs)

- Who are you engaged to,
Darlene or Mister Wheeler?

- Right now, Mister
Wheeler, he's got the ring.

- He's got it?

- Yeah, he's showing
it to all his friends.

- What for?

- Well, I guess if they
okay it, he'll let her wear it.

- Of all, look, Eb, why
don't you just forget him.

Now, come on, let's get to work.

- Oh, here you are you deadbeat.

- Wait just a,

- Not you, the junior deadbeat.

Here's your ring back.

- What's wrong with
it, don't you like it?

- I did til I had it appraised.

Do you know what that
hunk of junk is worth?

$8.

- Mister Douglas,
when you gave it to me,

you said it was worth $2,000.

- It is.

- Oh, you gave it to
him, I should have known.

- I don't know who
does your appraising,

but I paid $2,000 for that ring.

- Ha, Sam has won better
things on the iron claw machine.

- Mister Wheeler, I didn't
know he gave me a phony ring.

But I'll make it up to you.

- Forget it, and forget
the engagement, too.

From now on, just stay
away from my daughter.

- But, Mister Wheeler,

- Some family, a fourth
place kid and an $8 father.

(audience laughs)

- Ooh.

- Well, you did it to me again,
you ruined my engagement.

- I didn't.

- There's only one way
you can straighten this out.

- How?

- Give Mister Wheeler $2,000,

and let him pick
out the ring he likes.

(upbeat music)

- Mister Wheeler
didn't like the $8 ring?

- It was $2,000.

- Well, maybe they
overcharged you.

(audience laughs)

- Lisa, I bought that ring
from a very reputable,

- I think you ought to
go over to Mister Wheeler

and apologize.

- Apologize, for what?

- Tell him you're sorry,

and you wouldn't
have given him the ring

if you would have known

that he was going
to have it appraised.

- I'm getting
awfully tired of this.

I don't want to hear
anymore about that ring.

(upbeat music)

(knocking)

Come in.

Mister Kimball?

- Oh, there you are.

I was looking for
you in the other room.

- How are you, Mister Kimball.

- Oh, fine.

Well, not fine.

I got this back thing,

and, oh, it's more
of a hip thing, it's,

well, it moves around a lot.

Right now it's in my head.

- I'm glad you got
something up there.

(audience laughs)

What can we do for you?

- Do for me, hm.

Oh, I just came over to
see the $8 engagement ring.

(audience laughs)

- Look, will you,

- Say, you sure got a
lot of ring there for $8.

- Oh, no, this is my
Prince's ring, it cost $45,000.

- And you got it for eight?

Boy, that's quite a bargain.

- No, this is the $8 ring.

- Lisa, that's not, - $8, huh?

(laughs)

- Mister Kimball?

- No wonder Mister
Wheeler was ashamed

to show that around
town. (laughs)

- It's none of
Wheeler's business.

- He should leave
the children alone.

- Yeah, it seemed a
shame that Eb and Darlene

can't get married just
because Mister Wheeler

can't stand Eb.

Of course, my parents
had the same problem.

Yeah, my mother's father
couldn't stand my father.

No, it was my mother that
couldn't stand my father.

No, it was my father
that couldn't stand.

My mother always
had to hold him up.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, for,

- As a matter of fact, my
father nearly fell of the ladder

when he eloped with,

who'd he elope with again?

- Your mother?

- My father eloped
with your mother?

- Then you two must be related.

- Yeah, I'm his uncle.

- You never told me
that - Oh, look, Lisa,

- We'll, I've gotta be running
along, Uncle Oliver. (laughs)

(audience laughs) (upbeat music)

(knocking)

Well, I guess there's
nobody home. (laughs)

- Eb, there's a lot of
work to do, do you mind?

- No, I don't mind, you
go right ahead and do it.

- If you're gonna
take the day off,

you're not gonna get paid.

- What's money to a
man whose life is over?

Without Darlene I'm nothing.

- You're not too much with her.

(audience laughs)

Look, Eb, now stop
worrying, you'll work it out.

- There is no way out.

- You're wrong, my boy.

There is a way out.

- There is?

- Oh, wait, Mister
Haney, you shouldn't,

- My card.

- Haney's way out service.

- Way out, oh, - Now,
as I understand it,

you wanna marry Darlene,
but her father won't let you.

- Right.

- Then step right over
here, I have just the solution

for your de-le-mi-ner.

(upbeat music)

- Elopement, (snaps), that's it.

- Now, we have a
choice of services,

but I'm sure your
father will want

the deluxe package for you.

- I'm sure he will.

- I am not, - Now,
step this way.

Here we are.

Now, the basic item
of any elopement

is a good, sturdy ladder.

- What kind of a ladder is that?

- That'll be $18.

- Well, that ladder is not
gonna be long enough,

Darlene's room is
on the second floor.

- You'll need our second
story elopement ladder.

That'll be $42 extra.

- I am not paying,
- There you are.

As you can see, this is made of

genuine, imported coconut wood.

- It hasn't got any rungs.

- Oh, well, if you want rungs,

it'll cost you $67 extra.

- We'll take it with rungs.

(audience laughs)

- We're not taking anything.

- How much does your girl weigh?

- 105.

- Then you won't
need the assistant

to help you carry her down.

That saves you
a dollar and a half.

- Lucky me.

- Now, for the
complete set of luggage.

As you can see, this
suitcase is made of

genuine, imported
coconut leather.

- Coconut leather?

- How about that?

It matches the ladder.

- We think of everything.

- This is a looking, -
Don't touch that handle.

- Why not?

- That's where the
self-destruct button is.

- Self-destruct button?

- That's in case the girls
father catches you in mid-ladder,

all you gotta do is just
squeeze the handle,

and the elopement evidence
is destroyed in five seconds.

(audience laughs)

- Mister Haney, I
have heard enough.

- No, you haven't.

Now, look at it this way,

- Goodbye, Mister Haney.

- Oh, but Mister Douglas,

- Take your coconut
service and get out of here.

- But, - Out!

(slow, playful music)

- Well, you did it to me again.

That seemed like a great deal.

- Oh, that junk,

hey, Mister Haney.

(whistles) Hey, you
forgot your suitcase.

(upbeat music)

(expl*si*n)

Lisa, I'm going to bed.

- Aren't you going
to wait up for Eb?

- Why should I?

- He went over to see Darlene.

- Isn't he tired of having
Wheeler throw him out?

- I don't think he's going
to throw him out this time.

- Why not?

- I just have a feeling.

- Lisa, what did you,
- Misses Douglas,

Misses Douglas, it worked.

- I thought it would.

Oh, I'm so happy for you, Eb.

- I'll always be
grateful to you.

- For what?

- Mister Wheeler called
the engagement on again.

- He did?

- He's giving a big
engagement party Friday night,

everybody is invited.

He said even you could come.

- Well, that's darn nice of him.

- I gotta go call all
my friend an tell them.

- I guess that
takes care of that.

See you later.

(upbeat music)

- Just a minute, what made
Mister Wheeler change his mind?

- We had a little talk.

- About what?

- About the value
of engagement rings

and about the value of dowries.

I said we can
understand his concern

about the engagement ring,

but we are also concerned
about the size of the dowry

he was going to
give to his daughter.

- Lisa, you didn't.

- There's an old
Hungarian saying

that you have to
fight fire with water.

So after a couple of glasses
of fire water, we made a deal:

if he accept the watch
fob for the engagement,

the we'll accept the dowry
he was gonna give Darlene,

the imitation lace tablecloths
with the birch chair.

- Lisa, that's the,

- And I got to keep the
engagement ring you gave me,

because I really
didn't want to have to

give that to Darlene,

even though it
was worth only $8.

- Lisa, that ring cost $2,000.

If you don't believe it,
we'll have it appraised.

- Oh, that won't be necessary.

My father had it appraised
when you first gave it to me.

- Well?

- $8, including the box.

(audience laughs)

- Lisa, I must
have been cheated.

And anyway, if you've
known all this time

what the ring was worth,

why didn't you say
something about it?

- Well, it didn't make
any difference to me,

and I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.

- Oh, well, I guess that's
why I never said anything

about your dowry.

- And what was
wrong with my dowry.

98-piece sterling
silver service for 12.

- It was 22 pieces,
and it was tin.

- It was sterling silver,

and my father
paid $17,000 for it.

- It was worth $6.

(audience laughs)

- Oliver, my father,

- My mother had it appraised,
$6, including the box.

So I gave you an $8 ring
and you gave me a $6 dowry.

You owe me $2.

- What about the $2 I lent
you for our marriage license?

- Oh, yeah, yeah,
well, I guess we're even.

- What a nice way
to start a marriage.

(upbeat music)