01x06 - George's Skeleton

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn on the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up in
the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
it's you and me, baby ♪

♪ Ain't nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece of the pie ♪♪

♪ Every time it rains it
rains dollars from heaven ♪

♪ Don't you know
each cloud contains ♪

♪ Dollars from heaven ♪

How can you be so happy...

With it so wet and
miserable out there?

Don't knock it, weezy. When you own your
own cleaners, there's money in the mud.

Ahh! I don't want you getting
money all over the rugs.

So take the rubbers off.
The weather's been beautiful.

It's been raining
for three days now.

I been to all four stores
and business is boomin'.

Mm, whoopee for you.

But if I have to stay cooped
up in here one more day,

I'm gonna go off my rocker.
What are you talking about?

How can living in a beautiful
apartment like this drive anybody crazy?

Louise, we've run
out of tea again.

Hello, george. Hi,
mama. How you feeling?

Oh, just fine, considering that I've
been cooped up here for three days...

With no one to talk to.

Mother jefferson, you
could always go home.

And take a chance
of slipping on the ice?

I didn't see no ice out there.

That's the worst kind,
when you can't see it.

Well, since I can't
have a cup of tea,

I'll just have to
have a cup of sherry.

Weezy, if mama's getting on your
nerves, I'll send her home in a cab.

No, george, let her stay.

You know how old folks are.

They're afraid if they fall they'll
never get back up on their feet again.

That's sweet of you,
weezy. And smart too. Huh?

If she walked out there and slipped on
the sidewalk, you know who she'd blame.

She'd say I pushed her.

Louise, did you put fresh
towels in the bathroom?

- Yes, mother jefferson.
- I mean today.

- Yes, mother jefferson.
- And what about my wild
rose beauty bath?

- It's there.
- Good. Then I can
take my bubble bath.

She's so sweet.

Well, what else has been
happening around here?

Well, the willises invited us to
a cocktail party saturday night.

No way.

But I'd like to go. You know
tom works for a publisher,

And there'll be some
famous authors there.

There'll also be the famous
vanilla-and-chocolate willises there.

So forget it. Wasn't there
anything else? Any mail?

Just bills. Nothing interesting.

Oh, but you did get a call...

From a... Richard davis.

Richard... I don't
know no richard davis.

Well, that's interesting. He
said you were his best friend.

- You two grew up together.
- I don't remember growing up
with no richard davis.

Well, he said that you and he and
steamy robinson and your cousin velma...

Used to meet in the
pigeon coop on the roof.

Monk davis called? Why didn't
you tell me it was monk davis?

Because he said his
name was richard davis.

Monk davis is richard davis. Don't
be so dumb. What did you tell him?

I told him you'd be home later.

What'd you do a dumb
thing like that for?

If he calls again, don't answer.

I don't understand you. Why don't
you wanna see your best friend?

He ain't my best friend. I didn't even
like him enough to be my worst friend.

You must have
liked him a little bit.

You fixed him up with your
cousin in the pigeon coop.

Fixin' monk up with velma
meant I didn't like him.

We didn't call her oink
jefferson for nothing.

Ah, mrs. Jefferson. I'm
so glad we caught you in.

Uh, "we," mr. Bentley?
Yes. Dee dee and i.

Oh. Come in.

Thank you. Isn't she a
beauty? She's a dieffenbachia.

And you call her dee dee. Yes.
Isn't she something, mr. Jefferson?

Yeah. We'd ask you
two to stay for dinner,

Except we don't have
enough fertilizer for dee dee.

Thank you, but
we've already eaten.

I was wondering if you
could plant-sit for a few days.

Plant-sit? Yes, it
would be such a favor.

Dee dee and daphne
just don't get along.

Who's daphne, your
chrysanthemum?

Daphne would be a
silly name for a plant.

Daphne's my girlfriend.
She's visiting for the weekend.

She's insane about me,
and I can't say I blame her.

Of course I'll
look after dee dee.

It'll be nice taking care of
something that can't complain.

It feels a little dry.
I'll get her a drink.

Come on, dee dee.

Ain't nobody home.

How are you feeling,
mr. Jefferson?

I feel great. Why shouldn't i?

You're sure everything is okay?

Of course it is. What
you asking that for?

Well, we seem to be pacing. Yeah, I
always do that when I got problems.

Ha. I thought you said
everything was okay.

Yeah, everything's okay with me.

But this friend of
mine, he's got a problem.

- I'm sorry to hear that.
- So am i.

See, he got into some trouble
when he was a kid in harlem.

His family was so poor, his
mother had to hold down two jobs...

Just so they could
afford to starve.

- Goodness.
- One day he heard his mother...

Bragging to this other lady
that no matter how bad times was,

Her youngest son always came through
with a fine christmas present for her.

That really tore him up
'cause he knew damn well...

He never gave her no
christmas present and

He knew she wasn't
gonna get none this year.

- That's sad.
- Anyhow, he had
this buddy, see.

And this buddy didn't
have no money neither.

Only it didn't matter with his buddy
'cause he also didn't have a mother.

So they got the idea of boosting
something from bloomingdale's.

- I beg your pardon. Boosting?
- Yeah. Shoplifting.

That's the ghetto
christmas club.

So, anyway, he and his buddy...

This buddy... I mean,
this guy loved pancakes.

I mean, fat ones, thin
ones, dollar-sized.

This will take care of doo doo.

Oh, dee dee.

Sometimes he'd have 'em
with syrup or strawberry jam.

Or maybe have 'em with bacon.
He was just crazy about pancakes.

I think I'll take dee dee into the
kitchen where she can get more sunlight.

The only thing he liked better
than pancakes was waffles.

Now you've hit upon something. I'm
very partial to waffles, especially...

So anyhow, they decided to steal
a couple of christmas presents.

Wouldn't that be rather messy,
stuffing waffles into christmas stockings?

What waffles? Why are
you talking about waffles?

The kids got busted with a couple of
watches and $50 worth of french perfume.

Ah, yes. The store
detective saw them, I suppose.

The store detective
didn't see nothing.

The top came off of one
of the perfume bottles...

And the man knew they didn't
smell that way when they came in.

That's sad. So the lad never got to
give his mother the christmas present.

Not that season. When they got in
front of the judge with no lawyer,

He gave 'em a year
in the slammer.

I see. And you feel that
louise and lionel will

Lose respect for you
if all this comes out.

Yep. Wait. Hold it. Where did you get
the idea that I was talking about me?

I said I had this friend.

Yeah.

Yeah. If louise and
lionel ever found out...

I just can't let that happen.

Well, mum's the word.
You can depend on me.

Yeah, I can also
depend on my buddy.

He's in town and you can
bet he's out to hustle me.

- Really? How can you be sure?
- 'Cause he did it once before.

The day louise and I got
married, he threatened me.

Cost me 11 bucks, plus my argyle
socks and my speidel watchband.

What an unscrupulous dastard.

Is that the way you
pronounce it in england?

My uncle desmond had
a similar experience,

Only he was too smart for the
fellow who had the goods on him.

- What did he do?
- He decided the only way...

To deal with a blackmailer
was to pull his fangs.

So he made a full
confession to the police,

His wife, the other
woman and the bank.

How did that solve anything?

Well, the blackmailer
got absolutely nothing.

- And uncle desmond is able
to live with himself.
- Oh!

Which is fortunate because
his cell is only five by seven.

I admit it's not a
perfect solution.

Perfect? I think it stinks.

But today uncle desmond can
look himself in the eyes and say,

"Only 14 more years to go."

I'll get it.

On second thought, why don't
you get it on your way out?

Gladly. And say good-bye to dee
dee for me, will you? I hate scenes.

Ah, mr. Willis, this
is quite a surprise.

Really? Not for me.
For mr. Jefferson.

He's hiding in the coat rack.

If you've come to ask about the
cocktail party, the answer is no.

And if it's about something
else, the answer is still no.

Come on, george. You'll enjoy
meeting the group we've invited.

Some of the best crime
writers in the business.

I ain't got time to be meeting
no goofy crime writers.

These people are
anything but goofy.

It takes a real brain to
write a good crime story.

They get their
heroes in such trouble,

You'd swear they could
never get them out of it.

But somehow they always do.

- They do? Sit down.
- I beg your pardon?

Relax. Make yourself
at home. Well, thank you.

I've been meaning to
ask you for weeks,

You being a big-time
book editor and all that.

You ever run across a story about a dude
who committed a crime a long time ago...

And a rat who knows about it
begins to hound him and hound him?

Well, that sounds like les
miserables by victor hugo.

Les who?

Les miserables by victor
hugo. Oh. How's it go?

Well, the hero, jean valjean, was
relentlessly pursued by his tormentor.

- But he finally
found his freedom.
- How did he do that?

- The villain k*lled himself.
- That's nice.

So the good guy got away
and lived happily ever after?

- No. He drowned in a sewer.
- He did what?

Man, get out of my sight. What?

And I don't wanna go to your party.
And you can tell that victor hugo...

That drowning is a dumb way
to get somebody out of trouble.

Well, I'll tell
victor if he shows up.

- George, who just left?
- Mr. Vanilla.

And we still ain't
going to his party.

- Get the door.
- Why can't you
answer the door?

- 'Cause I ain't home.
- What do you mean
you ain't home?

- It's tom willis, george.
- What do you want now?

Nothing. I'm just helping
this man find your apartment.

George jefferson! Baby,
you sure lookin' good!

Gimme some skin.
Gimme some skin. Whoo!

- What you doing here?
- I was just passin'
in the neighborhood.

That is, if you consider harlem
a part of this neighborhood.

Hey, mama.

Baby, you doin'
better than I expected.

Ain't you gonna ask me in?

And, uh, who is the pretty mama?

This is my wife louise.
This is my buddy monk davis.

We're just on our
way out to the movies.

What movie? The movie claudine.

We saw claudine.
We didn't see it twice.

And twice is what we're
gonna see it tonight.

George, look here. I was hoping
the two of us could sit down and rap.

I got a little proposition
for you. You know what I mean?

Well, I hate to miss out
on an opportunity like this.

But I'm sorry, monk. Like I said,
we're going out to the movies.

George, what's the
matter with you?

Dinner is practically
on the table.

And I'm sure whatever mr. Davis
wants to talk about doesn't include me.

- Isn't that right, mr. Davis?
- Well, now,
that'd be up to george.

Uh, excuse me.

Hey, baby, you don't
know how lucky you are.

If I hadn't passed a store
that said, "jefferson cleaners,"

I wouldn't have
known you was alive.

Now, how about the two of
us getting down to business?

You look real healthy. What
did you do, get a little taller?

No. It's 'cause I'm wearing
shoes. Not like in the old days.

Why don't we sit
down and get to it?

- No sense in b*ating
around the bush.
- Yeah, right.

How's bessie? On
top of the world.

That's great. No, it ain't.
The heifer divorced me.

Took everything.

Man, it's amazing how
much a skinny gal...

Can carry off in one afternoon.

The only thing she didn't
take was the door to the john...

And that's because she didn't
have the right kind of screwdriver.

Thing like that... Can
knock a man down.

Give it time, monk. You can't expect to
get over something like that overnight.

When did it happen?
January the 15th,

Well... 1945.

But now I got me a classy woman.

A foxy lady.

But the only thing is,

She's, uh, expensive.

Here it comes. Okay.

I hate to take advantage of a
brother, but I ain't got no choice.

Well, you know, brother,
you ain't got to feel bad.

What is a friend for if you can't
come to him when you got a need?

Right, baby.

As long as we both understand
this ain't gonna become no habit.

Mm-hmm.

Yep, I hope you'll
both be very happy.

I hear chicago's a
nice place to live.

I ain't gonna leave new york
now that I found my old buddy.

Two hundred measly dollars.

What you doing? That's a wedding
present for you and the fox.

What makes you think I'm gonna
pay you anything more than that?

'Cause I know you,
george jefferson,

Like the taste I wakes
up with in the morning.

You got your family.
You got your business.

You got all of this.

But most of all, you got pride.

Monk, why don't you lighten up?
I ain't never done nothing to you.

And I figure your
pride is worth,

Oh, a thousand dollars to start.

Hey, pop.

Hey, son.

Oh, this your son, george?

Why, that sure is a fine boy.

I bet he's real proud of you.
Ain't you gonna introduce us?

He ain't got time to
be introduced. I don't?

- He's gotta go help
his mother in the kitchen.
- I do?

You do.

Pop's amazing. He always
knows exactly what I'm gonna do.

He saves me a lot of time 'cause
I don't have to think for myself.

Yeah, I know, june bug.

Your daddy and me, we did a
lot of amazing things together.

There's one little disappearing
act I remembers in particular.

- Lionel.
- I know. It's time
for me to disappear.

Nice boy you got there,
george. And he sure respects you.

Now, gettin' back to the money. This
thing can be real simple if you just...

Oh! Doorbell. Sorry.

Terribly stupid of me. I completely
forgot about elizabeth and essex.

Well, they ain't here.
No, no, no, my birds.

Oh, it's you, mr. Bentley.

Yes, mrs. Jefferson, could
I presume one more time?

You see, daphne is terrified
of anything with feathers.

I had to buy new
pillows and everything.

Could you look after
them for the weekend?

If you promise they
won't bark at night.

Very rich. Oh, uh,
how do you do?

This is my friend monk davis.

Monk? Oh, that must be
a fascinating way of life.

Tell me. Do you get out of
the monastery very often?

Only when we need funds.

What kind of birds
are they, mr. Bentley?

Oh, they're budgies,
australian lovebirds.

Okay, but don't be surprised if
they're arguing when you pick 'em up.

Actually, they're not
really lovebirds, poor things.

I found out they're
both the same sex.

You should have been
there when they found out.

Well, they are kind of cute.

Okay, bentley, we'll keep 'em
alive until you get back. Bye.

Just water them at
the same time as dee dee.

We'll handle it. Bye.
Here's the birdseed...

And their cuttlebone... Right.

And their tweety-treat... Yeah.

And, uh, their
little ferris wheel.

It's such a pity that daphne
can't get used to them.

It's so difficult when your
bird doesn't like your birds.

Man, that sure is a weird dude.
You know some funny white folks.

I'd rather have his kind of
weird than your kind of weird.

Hello again.

I forgot to mention they're very
partial to the national enquirer.

George, did mr. Bentley say what
I'm supposed to feed these things?

Give 'em some of that
spaghetti. That looks like worms.

I'm serious, george. They
look like they're hungry.

- I'll be right there.
- George, you quit stalling.

Either we get this thing
straight right now...

Or I'm gonna go in there
and talk to louise too.

Look, stay here, monk. Just
cool it for a minute, okay?

Well, hurry up. You don't wanna
keep your new partner waitin'.

Don't worry. I promise when I come
back, we'll settle everything. Solid?

Solid.

Hey, who's that with
pop? He's an old friend.

Louise, lionel, I got something
important to talk about.

You see how hungry they look?
Their little beaks are all drawn in.

Here. Let them
lovebirds fight over this.

Now, this isn't gonna
be easy for me to say.

You see... Maybe you
shouldn't tell us, pop.

And your interrupting ain't gonna
help none. Just be quiet and listen.

And that goes for
your dumb birds too.

George, what are you getting so
angry about? Lionel was just asking if...

And that goes for you too! Once
and for all, be quiet and let me talk.

Okay, okay. I'll be quiet,
but this better be good.

Look, I love you, louise.
Hear that? I love you.

And what's more... Oh, george.

There goes that big mouth
again. I'm still talking, woman.

Sorry.

What I'm getting to is, on top
of loving you, I respect you.

I mean, I like what
you are, louise.

All the years we been married
ain't changed my mind about that.

Oh, george, that's beautiful.

If you say any more, I'll cry.

Well, that ain't gonna happen 'cause
I'm through talking to you for now.

I'm up to you
now. Lionel. Uh-oh.

You're my son and I love you.

In 22 years, you have never
given me one day's bit of trouble.

What about that time...
Will you be quiet and listen!

You're as bad as your mother.

What I'm trying to
say is, I'm proud of you.

Even if you wasn't my son, even if
you was a stranger that I'd just met,

I'd say, "that's a fine young
man. I wish that was my son."

Thanks, pop. And if you
was a stranger I just met,

I'd say, "I wish he was my
pop." Don't be too sure.

Would you mind telling
us what brought this on?

I just wanted to tell you
how proud I am of both of you.

- We're proud of you too, pop.
- Hold it. Wait till you hear
what I got to say first.

I never told you this before because
I didn't wanna lose your respect.

But when I was 15 years
old, I was sent to jail.

You mean reformatory.

Reformatory. Jail. What's the
difference? I was sent up for robbery.

Shoplifting.

- Shop... How do you know?
- George, I've been knowing
about it for years.

Yeah, me too, pop.

What?

- How did you know? Who told you?
- What's the difference?

- It's all in the past.
- Because I wanna know.

I wanna know who the dirty
stool pigeon was that told you.

Your mother.

Mama dropped a dime on me?

She wanted to be sure I knew
the real reason you did it...

To get her a christmas present.

You mean I've been worrying
about this all this time...

When I could have been
worrying about something else?

That's right.

Has all of this got something
to do with your friend in there?

Yeah. I want you two
to hang here for a while.

I got some business to
discuss. Let me get him, pop.

Thanks, son, but taking
out the trash is my job.

Now, monk, you came over here...

To discuss something of great
importance to both of us, didn't you?

Hey, baby, hold it down. They'll
hear you. Say what? Oh, yeah.

Now, about this proposition.

I just reached my decision.

You got me cornered,
so obviously you win.

Now we gettin' somewhere.
When do I get my thousand?

Monk, I'm a little low
on cash right now,

But there is something in this
room more valuable to you than that.

The tv-stereo combination? Nope.

Dining room set? More
personal than that.

Hey, wait a minute. I don't see nothing
around here looks that valuable.

- That's because
you're sittin' on it.
- Where?

There!

What's the matter
with you, n*gga?

You flipped?

I'm giving you a chance to
save your butt. Now, get out.

I ain't leavin' here
empty-handed. That's right.

Because first I'm gonna
give you a knuckle sandwich.

If that don't do it, I still got
my foot. And if that don't work...

You're crazy!
You're crazy, n*gga!

Now you gonna force
me to tell your family.

Too late, sucker.
I already told 'em.

Why did you go and do
a dumb thing like that?

Look, chump, just
get out of here.

It's people like you...
Blabbermouths...

That ruin the
blackmail business.

♪♪

♪♪

The jeffersons was recorded on
tape in front of a studio audience.

♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪♪