01x11 - Former Neighbors

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn on the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up in
the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
it's you and me, baby ♪

♪ Ain't nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece of the pie ♪♪

Weezy, honey, I know
how you hate me...

Inviting people to dinner at
the last minute, but this is special.

I know you'll understand.

No, you won't.

Mr. Jefferson,
what a nice surprise.

You keepin' bees
in your apartment?

Bees? Oh, oh, no, I'm sorry.

I was just trying on
my new fencing mask. Oh.

Can I use your phone?
Oh, certainly. Come in.

Thanks.

Here. Oh, mr. Jefferson,

This is far too much
for one little phone call.

You shouldn't have.

I didn't. I just want you to hold
it for me till I make this call.

Oh. Then your phone
is out of order? No.

I don't understand. That's
'cause you ain't married.

It's not for want of
trying, I assure you.

I just haven't found miss right.

Oh, there have been several
miss rights, lovely girls,

But there was always one little
drawback to our relationship.

Yeah? What was that?
They didn't like me.

Weezy, honey, look,

I know how you hate
me inviting people to

Dinner without giving
you an advance notice,

So I'm calling you now to tell you
that I invited someone to dinner, okay?

Good. Huh? Oh, you
got plenty of time.

He won't be there
for a whole half hour.

But, weezy... But,
but, but, but...

Now you listen to me,
woman. But, but... But, but, but...

Hold on. She'll k*ll
me if I hang up on her.

Let's get something straight, george.
I am not your servant. I'm your wife!

And I won't stand for
it! But, weezy, look...

Don't interrupt, george. A
half-hour's notice is no notice at all.

Do you hear me, george? I
hear you, weezy, I hear you.

Now don't you walk away
from me when I'm talking to you!

What are you doing here?

Trying to get a word
in edgewise. But i...

It's okay, bentley. You
can hang up now. Thanks.

That was a rotten trick
you played on me, george.

- I did it for both of us.
- You did what for both of us?

See, this guy I invited to
dinner could do us a lot of good.

You remember me talking
about a coleman harris?

The man who owns
the supermarkets?

That's right, and he also
owns the real estate company...

Who owns the land where
he built the supermarkets,

And he owns the finance
company who lent him

The money to buy the
real estate company.

And the dog that ate the cat that
swallowed the rat that ate the cheese.

Quit joking, weezy.
Fun and money don't mix.

Then coleman harris must be a
real barrel of laughs. Probably.

He's going into the catering
business now, citywide,

And it's gonna be the biggest
thing since afro sheen.

This guy is filthy rich, and now
he's gonna make another fortune.

Good for him. I'm
always happy to hear...

That somebody who's filthy
rich is about to get even filthier.

Yeah, but some of this
filth is gonna rub off on us...

Because I'm gonna get the cleaning
contract to his catering business,

Even if it means you cooking
him the best meal he ever had.

Okay, george. It just so
happens we're having roast beef.

Great. And baked
potatoes in their jackets.

Oh. Maybe you should put
little collars and ties on them.

This guy's real classy.

All right, george.

You gave me a surprise,
now I have one for you.

You will never guess
who I ran into this morning.

That's right 'cause I
ain't gonna even try.

Where's the corkscrew,
weezy? This is a $14 bottle of wine,

And the guy told me I
gotta let it breathe.

For $14, it should've come
with its own oxygen t*nk.

The corkscrew's right
there in front of you.

Oh. Okay, who'd you bump into?

Someone we knew when
we lived up in harlem.

Somebody black? And beautiful.

Oh, then it couldn't be
anybody from your family.

It wasn't family, george.
I'll give you a hint.

♪ You gotta shake
rattle and roll ♪♪ simms?

- Roy simms?
- Right! And his wife natalie.

Well, how they doing? Fine,
but roy misses you, george.

He says it's no fun
singing duets by himself.

He remembered, huh? I think the
whole neighborhood remembers.

When you and roy did your
stuff at a party, it was a ball.

A wrecking ball.

Yeah. We condemned more houses
than the building inspectors.

Yeah, I really dug that cat.
But roy simms is one in a million.

He'd lend you the
shirt off his back.

Yeah, I remember when he
lent you the shoes off his feet...

Because the pair you owned
had more hole than sole.

Yeah, and I had to walk downtown
in all that slush, looking for a job.

Ooh, he had some big
feet on him, didn't he?

I had to take two steps
before those shoes moved once.

You know what? I could put wheels under
one of them and use it as a skateboard.

And you got the job, remember?

Mm-mm. And how's natalie?

Just as sassy as ever.

How that woman
could make me laugh.

You remember when she got the
landlord to send the exterminator?

No. Oh, sure, you do.

The landlord came for the
rent, and she gave him a rat.

And he said, "where's the rent?"

She said, "inside the rat.

They eat up everything
around here."

The exterminator
was there the next day.

Oh, yeah, them two were quite
a pair. Where they living now?

Oh, same old place. Things
haven't changed for them.

Oh, that's too bad.

It sure would be nice
to see old roy again.

It would? Sure, it would.

Oh, I'm glad 'cause
that's my surprise.

I invited them to
dinner tonight.

Hey, hold it. Freeze.

Tell me I heard
you wrong, weezy.

You heard me wrong, weezy.

But I didn't, did i?

That's right, you didn't.
They're coming to dinner tonight.

They can't. Why not? You just
said you would like to see them.

I would. Tomorrow or yesterday.

Any day but today. I told you I
already invited coleman harris.

So? Look, you don't
understand, weezy.

Harris is the top dog in black
society. He's one of the 400.

Well, you just said
roy is one in a million.

Roy and natalie are
meat and potatoes.

Harris is the upper
crust. Real fancy.

He's coming here to see if I got enough
class to go into business with him.

What's he gonna think
when he sees the simms?

Well, if he's as
brilliant as you say he is,

He'll figure out there's
two more people for dinner.

I'm gonna call 'em right now and
tell 'em to come another night.

- Okay, george.
- What's their number?

- It's unlisted.
- Since when?

Since they haven't got a phone.

This came for you, mr. Jefferson.
Too big for the mailbox.

I thought I'd bring
it up personally.

Oh. Thanks, ralph.
Oh, thank you, sir.

Will there be anything
else, sir? No, that's it.

Oh, wait a minute. Look, we got
some people coming up, name of simms.

I want you to tell them something
that's not exactly the truth.

Like what, sir? Like
we suddenly d*ed.

Only something they'd believe.
You know, just get rid of them.

Offhand, I wouldn't know
what I could tell them.

I'll think of something.

That is, if they show up
in the next 30 seconds.

I'm going off duty
now. Oh, well...

But I have been known to hang
around an extra ten minutes or so.

Or until they show up.

Oh, yes, sir, until they show
up. Good. So as soon as they...

There he is! Old george!

Well! Roy and natalie!

I was just telling the doorman to
show you up as soon as you got here.

Ralph, you won't
have to do that now.

But I still haven't
done that job yet, sir.

You told me to
tell them... Oh, right!

Thank you, sir.

♪ Shake, rattle and roll ♪♪

Weezy, roy and natalie are here.

Ooh-whee!

You sure got it made.

Dig this!

You're so high up, you
can't even see the muggers.

Hi! Oh, I'm so glad
you could make it. Oh!

I'd have made it with two
broken legs and a rubber crutch.

Well, what do you
think of the place?

Louise, I always dreamed of
living in a lovely apartment.

This place is so beautiful, it makes
my wildest dreams look rundown.

Come in the kitchen
with me, natalie.

We'll talk while
I'm fixing dinner.

George, why don't you
make roy a drink? Come on.

George, as long as one
of us was gonna make it,

And it wasn't me,
I'm glad it was you.

So am i.

I'll tell you one thing though. I'll
never forget how poor we used to be.

Man, things were so bad, when
my father came home with a job,

We didn't even
know what that was.

I know what a job is.
A job is something...

That the white dude
behind you just got.

Hey, I tried so hard to get a
job, I even lied about my color.

You told 'em you was black, huh?

Well, how you like it?

Well, it ain't
muscatel, but it'll pass.

♪ Shake, rattle and
roll hey, shake... ♪♪

Come on, george.
What you waiting for?

Uh, roy, look, I got a
little favor to ask of you.

Name it, porky.

Porky. Ain't it funny how all
of a sudden it come back to me...

How we used to call you porky 'cause
you were so crazy about pig knuckles?

Right, but, uh, about
this favor, roy,

You see, we got this rich society dude
coming over here tonight for dinner too.

You know, an
important deal and...

A rich dude coming
here tonight? Yeah.

What's the matter, roy? Well, you
know how me and natalie are, porky.

Just plain folks.

We ain't dressed so good and...

Yeah, I know how
you feel, old buddy.

I remember the first time I had to spend
an evening with some rich society dude.

Man, I wished I was
anywhere but there.

You did, huh? I would've given
anything to get out of that place.

You would, huh? I never felt so
much like a dummy in all my life.

Man, I was so miserable.

Only thing I could think of was to
go, leave, split, vamoose, anything.

George. Yeah, old buddy?

Would it burn your nose if me and natalie
was to leave and come back some other time?

What do you wanna
do that for? Natalie!

I mean, you ain't gonna
take no offense, are you?

Well, you know, if you
insist. Yeah, yeah, I insist.

- Yeah, roy?
- We're gonna leave now and
come back some other time.

Huh? George, did
you say something?

Me? I'm trying to get
him to stay, ain't i, roy?

That's right,
louise, that's right.

Then why are we going?
I'll explain it to you later.

You sure you won't
stay, old buddy?

Thanks, old buddy,
but some other time.

Make it real soon, man, 'cause I feel
real bad that you ain't staying now.

Yeah, well, you know,
some other time, old friend.

Bye. Come on.

George, what happened? Did you
say something to make him leave?

No. We was just
talking about old times.

Maybe he got homesick for home.

Homesick for ho...
He just left there!

Well, if you wanna find out, you invite
him to dinner tomorrow night and ask him!

Actually, it couldn't have worked
out better if I had planned it that way.

Now there's nothing to mess up
my meeting with coleman harris.

Hear that, weezy?

There's the future
knocking at our door.

I got to thinking,
porky, old buddy.

You was looking so sad
when I said we was going,

I got to feeling real
bad about you feeling bad.

So... Guess who's
staying for dinner!

You know, george, this wine ain't
too bad once you get used to it.

Yeah, well, don't get too used to it. I
gotta save some for coleman harris.

Oh, yeah. I get
butterflies in my stomach...

Every time I think about
mixing with that dude.

There's no need
to feel that way.

He can't help how he feels.

Look, man, there's still plenty
of time to split if you still wanna.

Oh, no, george. I know
how bad you want us to stay.

So what if I feel stupid?

Like I was telling
natalie in the elevator,

George wouldn't mind being
stupid for me, would you, old buddy?

No. George is very good at that.

sh**t, roy, maybe you're
worried about nothing.

Well, I heard that some rich
people can be as nice as poor people.

Yeah. Look at me.

But I don't wanna spoil
things for george.

I mean, this big sh*t dude
coming here to talk a big deal.

What if this fancy fat cat
was to ask me what line I'm in,

And I gotta tell him
the unemployment line?

Unemployed?

See? How's that gonna
make george look?

Like a man who chooses his
friends for what they are...

And not for what they've got.

Well, it seems to me
if this harris man...

Is the kind who'd look down on
anyone just 'cause they ain't rich,

It could be fun pulling
the wool over his eyes.

What's coming up in that
head of yours, honey?

Well...

Stand back, everybody,
she's thinking!

Give her headroom
to work. Go, baby, go!

Well, when you ain't
unemployed, what's your job?

Let's see. It's been
so long, I forget.

You're a waiter.

That's it. Which means you're
in the restaurant business.

George, I got me a hunch I'm
about to move up in the world.

Right on, 'cause you've just become
the owner of a beautiful new restaurant.

Don't be chintzy, natalie.
Only one restaurant?

Give him three or four.

Yeah. It's about
time I expanded.

Then do it up right. You got a whole
chain of them from coast to coast.

You got more restaurants than
gerald ford's got "win" buttons.

Friends, it was a long hard
road, but it was worth it.

I finally became a millionaire.

Roy, you're so rich, now
you can lend oil to the arabs.

Are you kidding?
He's so rich, if he d*ed,

They'd need an extra
coffin for his wallet.

You jivin'. I'm so rich,
I can't afford to die.

What's the matter, honey?

Well, I got rich so fast, my mouth
ain't caught up with my money.

What do rich people talk about?

Well, first let me tell you
what they don't talk about.

They don't talk about the
three r's: roaches, rats and rent.

They also don't talk about
welfare, being broke and unemployed.

What else is there?

Money. They talk about
how to make more money.

And then they talk about how they
can get away without paying taxes on it.

- Yeah, man, the government's
k*lling us with them taxes.
- Is that what they say?

No, that's what I say. Look, you work,
you sl*ve, and where does it all go?

Taxes. It's just one big
headache after another.

Maybe you better get rid of
some of your restaurants, roy.

Maybe you better get rid of all of them
'cause I don't think this is gonna work.

See, y'all don't know
this coleman harris.

And I don't think I'd want to.

Don't worry about a
thing, george, old buddy.

I'll do just like you told me.
I'll talk rich, money and taxes.

And nothing else. If he asks you
something you don't understand...

- I'll say I don't understand.
- No, man, that's
a dead giveaway.

If it's something you don't
understand, you just say,

"I'll have to sleep on that."

That's right up roy's alley
'cause he can sleep on anything.

Shh. There he is.

All right, everybody
look classy.

Jefferson. Mr. Harris.

Oh, thank you. Oh,
I'd like you to meet...

Thank you. Good evening.
I'm coleman harris.

I'm roy simms.

How much taxes did you screw
the government out of this year?

I beg your pardon?

Uh, mr. Harris, I'd like
you to meet my wife,

Mrs. Jefferson, how do you do?

And two of our very dear
friends, roy and natalie simms.

How do you do?

Mrs. Simms.

Mr. Simms owns a
chain of restaurants.

- Oh, restaurants.
- Coast to coast.

What's your setup? Huh?

Is it a corporate proprietorship,
or do you franchise?

I'll have to sleep on that.

He's such a kidder, like all
of you eccentric millionaires.

Simms. Simms.

Strange I haven't
heard of you before.

That's because his restaurants
go under a different name.

Oh, what's that? Sambo's.

Oh, really?

Well, tell me, simms, you
have any trouble getting help?

I've been having trouble
getting help for years.

So you do have labor problems.

No, roy, don't go into
labor. That's my problem.

His wife is eccentric too.

George, I'm sure mr. Harris
would like a drink.

Yes, thank you. A little
wine would be nice.

Oh, sure. Have a seat, please.

Do you have any
children, mr. Harris?

No. No time for that.

What a shame. A man
should have some hobbies.

There you go. The
best. Thank you.

You know, simms, the trouble
with the working class...

Is that they don't
wanna work anymore.

I don't know about you, but I'm having
a lot of trouble getting colored help.

Yeah? What color
you looking for?

Now, you know what I mean.

A lot of our people not answering
the door when opportunity knocks.

How much are you knocking with?

- What do you mean?
- I mean how much
are you paying?

Well, what difference
does that make?

With all the people out of work, you'd
think they'd be glad to get anything.

But no, they'd rather sit at
home, living lazy on welfare.

Living lazy on welfare? Let me
tell you something, mr. Harris.

How do you like
the wine, mr. Harris?

'68, Isn't it?

No, it's burgundy.

I mean the vintage.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Ah, very nice for an off-year.

Off-year?

Nice apartment, huh? Charming.

A charming little place you
have here, mrs. Jefferson.

Little?

Thank you. We like it very much.

But we're thinking about looking
around for something bigger.

Well, if you want
something really nice,

I could try to get
you into my building.

Well, that is if your
references are acceptable.

Yeah, well, thanks.

Well, they just
don't let anybody in.

Anybody? Who are
you calling anybody?

- I beg your pardon?
- George ain't just anybody,
and don't you forget it!

Cool it, roy. Come on,
natalie, we're leaving.

- Roy, wait.
- Sorry, louise.

We better split before I
mess things up for george.

Oh, please, don't go. Look,
honey, I know roy real good,

And I wouldn't
push it if I was you.

Jefferson, I don't understand
your friend's behavior at all.

You don't? Then
I'll explain it to you.

Uh-oh. Here it comes.

I'll explain it slow
so you understand,

And I'll do it loud so
you don't miss nothing.

Tell it like it t-i-is!

Okay, baby. Now hear this.

You're only here five minutes, and you
ain't done nothing but put my buddy down.

Maybe I'm just an
unemployed waiter...

Unemployed, huh? That figures.

That's right! Unemployed!

But I know how to conduct myself
proper when I'm in a man's house.

You oughta take some
of that money you got...

And buy yourself
some good manners.

You oughta be proud
that a real classy dude

Like porky is gonna
be in business with you.

Well, we'll be going now.

George, louise, thanks for a
lovely evening. Come on, natalie.

Uh, george?

Isn't there something you
want to say to our friends?

There sure is. Hold on
there, roy. You ain't leaving.

He is. What?

When you learn how to conduct
yourself proper in a man's house,

Like my friend here, you give
me a call, and I'll think it over.

I'll think it over
for you, jefferson.

- We've got a deal.
- What deal?

I'll tell you what deal. I won't call
you, porky, and don't you call me!

If I did call you, chump, you
wouldn't like what I call you!

Oh, I'm so proud of you, george.

That was fun!

I guess I told him, right? Yeah.

You didn't stop to think for one
minute how much it was costing you.

You just told all
that money to get lost!

And you just took
all the fun out of it.

Then let's put a little
fun back in there, george!

♪ Let's shake, rattle and roll ♪
come on, george.

♪ Shake, rattle and roll ♪

♪ Shake, rattle and roll ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Shake, rattle and roll ♪

♪ Shake, rattle and roll ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Shake, rattle and roll ♪♪

Ooh, that feels good.

Not there, george, it tickles!

That was some party, huh, weezy?

Yeah, I haven't danced
so much in years.

I don't know about
you, but I am pooped.

Well, you ain't as
young as you used to be.

Oh! Come on.

Boy, that was fun. I'd
sure like to see them again.

You will. Sooner
than you think. Huh?

Roy left his skateboards.

The jeffersons was recorded on
tape in front of a studio audience.