02x10 - Jenny's Grandparents

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Jeffersons". Aired: January 18, 1975 – July 2, 1985.*
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Spinoff series from "All in the Family" is about literal upward mobility of couple George and Louise Jefferson who move into a swanky high-rise building.
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02x10 - Jenny's Grandparents

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪

♪ In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't Nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ We're movin' on
up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪♪

More coffee?

Huh?

I said, more coffee?

No. I got to run. It's
Saturday. My busy day.

Give me another napkin.

All right, sir.

Now I'll give you your check.

That's two eggs, toast...
What are you doing?

You treat me like a
waitress, I'll act like one.

You know something?

Breakfast was more
fun when we were poor.

We used to sit at
the table and talk.

We had to talk, we
ain't had nothing to eat.

And now that you
can afford the food,

you never take time to eat.

That's because rich people
don't get as hungry as poor people.

Say goodbye to Mama for me.

Okay, soon as she gets back.

Back from where?

Tom Willis' Uncle Bertram
took her for breakfast.

I wish she'd stop
going out with that guy.

What have you got against him?

He's pushy, he's a
loudmouth, and he's...

Finish it, George.

And he's white.

What if he was pushy,
a loudmouth and black?

Well, I could settle
for one out of three.

Got to run.

Wait a minute, what do you
want me to tell your mother?

About what?

She wants you to go with
her to church tomorrow

and hear that new
pastor, remember?

Oh, yeah. Well, tell her
I have the 48-hour flu.

That's what I
told her last week.

Tell her it flew back in again.

Make sure I sound good and sick.

But, George... I don't
have to go to church,

because I believe
God is all-knowing.

Huh?

He knows where I
am if he wants me.

Don't strike him down.

He's not much,
but he's all I've got.

Sorry, I only take
requests on Sundays.

Oh, Lionel!

I thought I told you to get
rid of those raggedy jeans.

Get rid of them?
Ma, look at these.

They just getting broken in.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

They're already so broken in,

your rear end is breaking out.

Is George still here?

No, he just left.

Okay, Bertie.
The coast is clear.

Thanks, toots.

I feel like the spy that
came in from the cold.

Hi, Bertram. Come on in.

You two have a hot
date today? Lionel...

At our age, every date is hot.

If you turn off the burner,

you might not get
the pilot light on again.

Oh, Bert, you're such a card.

I'm a whole deck, toots.

You two sure had
a long breakfast.

We didn't just eat,

we took the boat to
the Statue of Liberty.

We walked all
the way to the top.

You walked to the top
of the Statue of Liberty?

No. To the top of the boat.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

And tomorrow, we're going

to the Museum
of Natural History.

Yeah, the old fossils are
going to look at the old fossils.

Hey, stuff.

Oh, you're so crazy.

Hi, everyone. LOUISE: Hi, hon.

Lionel, I just talked to
my Grandpa Douglass.

He's in town. How would
you like to meet him?

Hey, it's about time.
When's he coming over?

Well, he's not. We have
to meet him at his hotel.

At the hotel? Why
doesn't he stay with you?

Yeah? Because he took a vow.

What vow?

The same vow my
idiot brother made.

He's her other grandfather.

"I'll never step
foot in your house

as long as you're
married to... one of them."

Yeah. Ain't that deep?

One grandfather's black,
and the other one's white,

but they both made the same vow.

And you don't
see either of them?

Once a year at Christmas.

When we all get together
at Howard Johnson's.

Oh, that's terrible.

And stupid.

You don't have to
be any special color

to be a jackass.

What's going to
happen at our wedding?

I mean, whose
family is going to be

sitting in the back
of the church?

Jenny, why don't you invite
your grandfather over here?

To your apartment?

Yeah. I'd like to meet him too.

Well, I could ask.

He might come over
to this apartment.

It'd be nice to see

if we could get both of
your grandfathers over here

and try to talk some
sense into their heads.

Even Kissinger couldn't
get those two heads together.

I can get that bird-brained
brother of mine over here.

How?

By telling him the one thing

he wants to hear more than
anything else in the world.

What's that? That
your mom and dad

are getting a divorce.

You mean, you would tell
him something like that?

Sure. I'm mean enough.

But it'll be risky.

Why?

Because if he
finds out the truth,

the disappointment
will k*ll him.

Uh-oh. We forgot something.

And what's that?

Your father. If he
walks in on that meeting,

it will be like dropping a
match into a box of fireworks.

Don't worry about George.

I'll take care of him.

You?

Sure. He always
believes everything I say.

So?

So I'll lie to him.

Uncle Bertram, Tom
and I have been trying

for years to get
our fathers together.

Believe me, it's hopeless.

Mama, nothing is hopeless.

I mean, we're family.

We just have to
start acting like one.

You know, the hardest
part of being a publisher

is deciding whether a
manuscript is just bad,

or if it's bad enough
to be a best-seller.

Daddy, guess what?

Grandpa Douglass is
coming over tomorrow.

Your father is coming here?

No, but he's coming close.

Downstairs to the Jeffersons'.

How about that?

Well, you can count on me to
make sure he has a good time.

What are you going to do?

Stay out of his sight.

Henry's coming too.

Henry, who? My brother.

My father?

Well, that's what your
mother always told him.

But... It's his idea.

My father and Helen's
father in the same room?

That's really
asking for trouble.

I don't know about
Helen's father,

but your father's
my brother, Tom,

and if he gives me any trouble,

I'll handle it just like I
did when we were kids.

How's that? I'll take
away his skate key.

Just keep your
fingers crossed, Helen.

Lionel and Jenny
have already left

to bring your father over here.

No, I don't know
how Mother Jefferson

is going to get rid of George.

And then at the
end of the movie,

this little guy suddenly
appeared out of nowhere.

Yeah, you guessed it.

Uh, yeah. Bye.

Who was that?

Helen Willis.

I hope she ain't
coming down here.

This one Sunday I
don't want no visitors.

I just want to plop
out and rest my bones.

I ain't moving all day.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

That should be interesting.

Oh, hello, Mother Jefferson.

[WHISPERING] He's
going to stay in all day.

You leave him to me.

Oh, poor George.

Oh, hi, Ma.

Oh, no, no, lie down.

Louise told me
all about your flu

coming back on you again.

My flu? Oh, right. My flu.

I don't know how them
Asians can stand living

with something like this.

Yes, yes, yes. It's a
shame you had to miss

Reverend Perry's
sermon this morning.

Yeah, a real shame.

I told him how sorry
you would be about it.

Oh, thank you, Ma.

Yeah, I really wish I could
have heard him, all right.

I know, son.

That's why I told the Reverend

to come right over here
and tell you what he said.

Say what?

And he agreed like a sh*t.
Wasn't that nice of him?

Yeah, but I'm afraid I
won't be here, Mom.

I almost forgot I got
to run up to the store

in the Bronx and look
at the new machine.

George, do you think you should
you go out in your condition?

That's one of the penalties
of being the boss, Weezy.

Your health comes second.

Oh, George, Reverend
Perry will be so disappointed

he didn't meet you.

I'm all tore up about
that myself, Ma.

Well, maybe he'll come here

and wait for you.

No, it's going to
take me all afternoon.

Just tell him to pray for me.

You did it! Now all
we have to worry about

is what happens when Jenny's
grandparents get together.

Well, it'll be a lot easier
without George around.

You know, Mother
Jefferson, you're too much.

The way you got rid of him!

How did a nice little lady
like you ever come up

with a dirty, low-down
idea like that?

Oh, it was easy.

I just thought of
all the excuses

George has been giving
me for for not going to church.

You knew he was making them up?

Of course I did.

And he thought
he was fooling you.

And he got just
what he deserved.

It's not nice to fool
Mother Jefferson.

So I said to him:

"Look, either you want
the property or you don't.

"Now, you better get off the pot

because somebody
else wants your seat."

But Grandpa, weren't
you taking a chance?

Yeah, he could have
walked out on you.

Not him. He would have
tripped and fallen flat on his face

before he got to the door.

Trip? On what?

His tongue. He wanted
that property so much

it was hanging right
down to the floor.

Listen to that.

It's hard to believe
that Jenny's grandfather

is such a problem.

There you go, Louise,
jumping to conclusions.

He's a fine gentleman.
Very intelligent too.

Well, he certainly
sold you in a hurry.

Nonsense, he's hardly
said two words to me.

Yeah, but those two
words were, "Mrs. Jefferson,

you look as youthful as
a woman half your age."

How can you hate a man
just for telling the truth?

I wonder what's
keeping Tom's father.

Don't worry about
him, leave him to Bertie.

Bertie will get him here.

Haven't you finished
my bloody mary yet?

Here you are.

What's the matter?

Weez, you made it too strong.

I never put in that much vodka.

Sorry, I'll pour it out
and make you another.

No, no, no. That's all right,
I'll make do with this one.

I always say,
"Waste not, want not."

Yes, Butakes
Industries is booming.

Our next project
is a country club

for blacks only.

Oh, but that's discrimination,
keeping whites out.

Well, who's keeping them out?

We'll need caddies, you know.

Well, I'm glad to see
you're enjoying yourself.

Yes, indeed. I'm really
happy I came this afternoon.

That's nice.

[QUIETLY] Hope you feel
that way two hours from now.

Oh, George! George,
what are you doing here?

You told me you
were going to work.

I'm sorry, Ma. I lied to you.

George, shame on you.

There should be no lies
between mother and son.

I know. That's why I came back.

That's all right,
now, I forgive you.

Now, go out and enjoy yourself.

Mom, I don't want
to enjoy myself.

I want to meet Reverend Perry.

After all, you went to all
this trouble to get him here,

the least I could
do is say hello.

I'll give him your regards, now
go out to a movie or something.

Mama, stop being so good to me.

You went to all this
trouble, I can't let you down.

Hi. You must be Reverend Perry.

No, I mustn't. My
name is Douglass.

Sure got a fast turnover
at that church, Ma.

Well, I'm sorry,
Reverend Douglass.

I thought you were
Reverend Perry.

Pop, this is Mr. Douglass,
Jenny's grandfather.

Jenny's grandfather? Well, well.

Pleased to meet
you, Mr. Douglass.

My pleasure.

Mama, whatever happened
to Reverend Perry?

I can't stay and talk
now. I got to help Louise.

Louise, George is back.

What? We got to
get him out of here

before Tom's father arrives.

I don't need you
to tell me that.

What are we going to do?

I'm getting a dizzy spell.

Oh, no, not now!

Now's the best time.

Huh?

Louise, close your
mouth and listen.

You know something Mr. Douglass?

You and me got a lot in common.

How do you mean?

Well, you're in real
estate and I'm in cleaning.

We both deal in dirt.


Yes, I guess you're right.

You know something,
Mr. Jefferson?

For a new building,

this is really well constructed.

Haven't you ever been here? No.

Mr. Douglass won't set
foot in Jenny's apartment.

That's right, not as long
as my daughter is living

with Rudolph the
red-nosed h*nky.

Hey, I got to remember that one.

Oh... Oh... Mama, what's wrong?

Nothing, George.

Just one of my
severe dizzy spells.

Here, Grandma, sit down.

No, Lionel. I think
I'd better go home.

Home? You feeling that bad, Ma?

Well, it came over
me all of a sudden.

Maybe you'll feel
better if you lie down.

George, I want to go home
and I want you to take me.

Are you sure? Yeah, okay.

Weezy, call a cab.

I'm real glad you
decided to come, Henry.

Are you joking? My
son is getting divorced.

Wild horses wouldn't keep me
away from such a happy occasion.

I knew you'd be upset.

Not that your news
came as any surprise.

Didn't I always say mixed
marriages don't work?

It was just a matter of time.

Henry, Tom and Helen have
been married for 23 years.

See?

There's just one thing

I forgot to tell you
about their divorce.

What's that?

There isn't going to be one.

Huh?

[DOORBELL RINGING]

On second thought,
maybe you're right.

I ought to lie down right now.
Just help me to the bedroom.

But Mama...

George, don't argue
with a dizzy woman.

You'd better stay
with her for a while

to make sure she gets to sleep.

What do you mean,
there's no divorce?

Hello, Mrs. Jefferson.

This is my brother,
Henry Willis.

Henry, Louise Jefferson.

How do you do? I'm so
happy you could come.

Well, that makes one of us.

Willis, what are you doing here?

Leaving. Come on, Henry.

Let the stuffings out
of your shirt for once.

What's the big idea, Bertie?

You always were the
corkscrew of our family.

Well, now I think
you've popped your cork.

Grandpa Willis, please.

I want you to meet Lionel.

How do you do? Hi.

Well, at least you
two picked right.

What's that supposed to mean?

Just a compliment. A compliment.

That's the trouble with
your kind, Douglass,

you're too touchy.

Won't you sit down?

No, I won't be
staying long enough.

What do you mean, I'm touchy?

I mean you're
always thinking color.

Not like you, of
course. That's right.

I mean, I never had
anything against you

or your colored daughter.

I never wanted my
daughter to marry your son.

And I never wanted my
son to marry your daughter.

Oh, look. Why must
you two always argue?

We're not arguing.
We're agreeing.

I can't understand
you two dummies.

Can't you sit down and
talk like human beings?

Please?

How you been?

The same.

And you?

The same.

How's business?

Never better.

Good. Well, I've got be going.

Oh, no. Come on, you
haven't really talked.

That's right, and we're
going to keep it that way.

Oh, no, come on
now, give it a chance.

It's just a waste of time.
We have nothing in common.

Now, stop that, that isn't so.

The two of you
have a lot in common.

Name one thing. Just one thing.

All right. I'll name one
thing you have in common.

Me!

Well, your... Your
blood is in me!

Well, you're my family
and you're part of me and...

Whether you want
to admit it or not,

if it hadn't been
for the two of you,

well, I wouldn't be here.

Jenny.

Jenny, I'm sorry.

I wasn't thinking.

We both weren't thinking.

Maybe it's not my
place to say this,

but you two already
found one thing in common.

If you would just
talk to each other.

You might find much more.

Jenny, you're a smart girl,

and I think I'm a
pretty smart fellow.

Maybe you can help
me figure this out.

Why do we have prejudices?

I don't know.

Maybe for the same
reason we've got trash cans:

So we can unload
all our garbage.

Say, that's very
bright. Thank you.

Yeah, I must remember that.

Uh, can I get you two a drink?

Love it. Love it.

Can I help?

I'll mix them. You
two just keep talking.

Hey, would you all hold it
down! Mama's in there trying...

Who's this?

This is Jenny's grandfather.

How many she got?

This is Mr. Willis, Pop.

We invited him and
Mr. Douglass over

to try and get them together.

Oh, you did, huh?

Where'd you get off
using my apartment

for bussing in grandparents?

Now wait a minute, George!

I want them out of here.

If you two want to fight
the Civil w*r all over again,

go to Gettysburg.

Did you hear that, Douglass?

That's the kind of talk

that gives your
people a bad name.

He's not my people. He
just lucked into that color.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

See, George? Bussing can work.

How's it going?

I think it's working.
Come on in.

Look who's here.

Hi, there. Hi, Daddy.

Good to see you, Dad.
It's good to see you too.

Well, how've you been, Tom?

Why... Why, fine. Thank you.

And you, Helen?

Oh, very well, thank you.

Well, if we're going to
have a family reunion,

why don't we go
up to your place?

That's a good idea.

You mean that?

Sure we do.

That's wonderful.

You better not get to
close, I've got a cold.

Sorry.

Come off it, Dad,
you don't have a cold.

See, girl? That's what you get

for trying to
butter up to whites.

Daddy!

I think the bus
just ran out of gas.

This has all been
very interesting,

but I really have to go.

So do I.

Oh, no. Don't.

The two of you were doing
so well. Why stop now?

It's got nothing to
do with you, Jenny.

I don't know about him,

but you know how
much I care for you.

What do you mean you
don't know about him?

I'm her grandfather
too. Same as you.

I get it.

Equal but separate.

You're young, son.

But an old leopard
can't change his spots.

I'm afraid he's right.

You can lead a
horse to water, but...

Well, you know the rest.

Yeah, there's no
fool like an old fool.

Sorry, kids. At least we tried.

I guess we'll just have to
count on the next generation.

Hiya, toots.

What happened? How's it going?

The whole thing was a disaster.

Yeah. We should have
left well enough alone.

Don't feel bad, son.

You just saw one
of the facts of life.

Black and white
just don't go together.

He's right, Lionel.

Mom!

Just look around you.

Black and white
don't go together.

Yes, it never works out.

I hear you.

It's a simple fact of life.

People should
marry their own kind.

Pop, would you object

to a Frenchman
marrying a German?

Not if the two guys
loved each other.

George!

Look, all I'm saying,

if God wanted blacks
and whites to marry,

he would have mixed
them from the start.

Starting with Adam and Eve.

He did.

Eve was black.

Say what?

Eve had to be black. She
came from a rib, didn't she?

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.
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