02x23 - Tennis Anyone?

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Jeffersons". Aired: January 18, 1975 – July 2, 1985.*
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Spinoff series from "All in the Family" is about literal upward mobility of couple George and Louise Jefferson who move into a swanky high-rise building.
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02x23 - Tennis Anyone?

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of
tryin' Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't nothing
Wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪♪

How's it going, Florence?

Oh, just fine, Mrs. Jefferson.

I sure do like this
new oven cleaner.

You just spray it on,
let it sit for six hours,

and wipe it off.

Wonderful.

But Florence, you won't
be here in six hours.

That's what I like about it.

Now, look, Florence...

GEORGE: Weezy? What is it?

I've got a surprise for you.

Oh, I'm in here.

Okay, I'm coming in.

But first you've got to promise

to close your eyes.

Okay. Got them closed?

They're closed.

Okay.

Lord have mercy.

Can I open my eyes now, George?

If I was you, I would
keep them closed.

And if I was you, I
would get back to work.

I am working.
Would you believe it?

Right now I'm cleaning the oven.

What'd you do, fall asleep?

Open your eyes.

Mmph.

George, what are you
doing in short pants?

What?

This is my new
tennis outfit, Weezy.

Jazzy, ain't it?

I'm going to get
you one just like it.

I'd never get in it.

Come here. I want to
show you something.

But George, I don't know
the first thing about tennis.

Don't worry about it, Weezy.

I'll teach you.

George, you don't know

the first thing
about tennis either.

Look, I grew up
playing stickball.

Now, if I can hit a
ball with a broomstick,

I know I can hit it
with this big old thing,

and besides, I
already signed us up

for tennis lessons.

Uh, George, I don't understand.

You've never been interested

in tennis before.

Well, Weezy, see,

I've been doing a
lot of thinking lately,

and I'm always busy at work

and we don't see that
much of each other.

This way, we can
spend time together.

Oh, sometimes you
can be so sweet, George.

Ain't it the truth?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Florence, get the door.

I can't.

Why not?

It's against orders.

Whose orders?

Yours. You told me to get
back to work, didn't you?

Well, my work is in the kitchen.

How come every
time she follows orders,

I got to do the work?

The trouble with her, her
busiest part is her mouth.

Oh, George, I'm
glad you're home.

Ah, glad to see you. Come on in.

You see, I forgot my
keys, Helen is gone...

I wonder if I could
use your phone.

Sure.

Thanks.

Notice anything different? Hmm?

Oh, you asked me to come
in. You were glad to see me.

That ain't what I meant.
Take another look.

Uh, you put on a
little weight, right?

Wrong. What's the
matter with you, Willis?

You ain't never seen me
in tennis clothes before.

Oh, yes. Tennis.

Uh, when did you
start playing tennis?

Tomorrow.

We're both going
to start tomorrow.

Oh, hi, Louise.

That's a good idea.
Tennis is a great sport.

Great exercise too.

I think it's time I got
me some exercise

before it's too late.

Before it's too late?

Well, you know what
happens to guys our age.

They let themselves go,

then they wind up
with a big pot belly.

That's right. There's
no excuse for that.

I used to play in college,

but these days, it's almost
impossible to find a court.

Oh, well, see, we
don't have that problem,

because our club
has plenty of courts.

Club? What club?

[EXHALES]

The one we're joining, Weezy.

I mean, where did you
think we were going to play?

But there are plenty of
courts in Central Park.

They ain't no good.

You either die of old
age waiting in line,

or else you get mugged,

and then somebody
steals your place.

Weezy, you and I
are about to become

the newest members of
the Windsor Tennis Club.

Hey, that's a
pretty fancy place.

I thought you had to be white

to get in a club like that.

The only thing
that's got to be white

is your sneakers.

And there are no
color restrictions?

Just one.

You've got to have a
dark green bank account.

And if I decide to become
a permanent member,

it'll cost me 5,000 bucks.

$5,000?

Maybe you had better
go back to stickball.

I'll sell you a
broom real cheap.

George, how did you
hear about this club?

Through one of my
customers, John G. Markel.

Judge John G. Markel?

That's him.

Yeah, he said his tennis club

was looking for people like me,

so I met him today
at the club for lunch,

and within five minutes,

he introduced me
to three big wheels

from Wall Street.

Oh, I get it, George,

trying to work out a
few business deals

between backhands, right?

I should've known
you had other reasons

for wanting to join that club.

There ain't nothing wrong
with business with pleasure,

ain't that right, Willis?

Oh, yes. One of the
biggest deals I ever made

was on a golf course.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

You hear that, Weezy?
Listen to the man.

My caddy paid me $5 to go home.

Judge Markel.

Hello, George.

Oh, come in, come in.

Oh, thank you.

Hey. Weezy, look who's here.

It's Judge Markel.

Your Honor, this
is my wife, Louise.

It's a pleasure meeting
you, Mrs. Jefferson.

Thank you.

George was just telling
us about your club.

Oh, well, it's not my club,

but I like to think I'm
an important force in it,

especially when it comes

to bringing in
delightful new members

such as you and your husband.

Oh, thank you again.

I'd like you to meet
a neighbor of ours,

Thomas H. Willis.

How do you do, Mr. Willis?

Pleased to meet you, sir.

Well, this really is
a pleasant surprise,

you dropping in on me like this.

Well, I was downstairs
picking up these suits,

and I just thought I'd drop by

and find out if
you'd like to join me

in a game of tennis tomorrow?

Me? You want me
to play with you?

That's right.

Oh. I'm only a beginner.

I ain't no competition for you.

Oh, I'll be the judge of that.

Hey, that's funny.
Did you hear that?

The judge is going
to be the judge.

Get it?

I got it.

Oh, would you have
time for a drink, judge?

Well, perhaps a quick one.
Bourbon and water, thank you.

Ah, look, I'll take these.

Why don't we all
sit down and relax

and make ourselves comfortable?

Florence?

Would you come out
here a minute, please?

What? What's the
matter? What happened?

Nothing, why?

You said "please."

She's a great kidder.

Would you get my friend here,

Judge John G. Markel,
a bourbon and water?

Thank you.

Are you a real judge?

Yes.

A "Your Honor, here
comes the judge," judge?

That's right.

Oh, so that's where
the "please" came from.

You ought to hear him
when ain't no judge around.

Get the drink, Florence.

See what I mean? Mean.

Get the drink.

Hey, can't you sue
somebody for meanness?

Florence!

Oh, won't you have a seat?

Oh, thank you. Yes.

Well, Mr. Willis, what
line of work are you in?

He's a bookmaker. Ha ha ha!

George...

He's the vice president
of a publishing company.

Oh, really?

Well, do you play tennis?

I used to.

Perhaps you'd like
to start playing again.

Why don't you come
around the club with George?

We have a few openings,

and we're always looking for
distinguished new members.

Well, that lets me out.

Oh.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Yes, and if you're married,
bring your wife along.

I'm sure she'd love it.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

Oh, hi, Helen. Come on in.

Hello, Louise.

I thought you
would be down here.

Forgot your keys, huh?

Wow, George, you
really look tres chic.

Don't start nothing.
We've got company.

Helen, I want you
to meet someone.

Judge Markel, this
is my wife, Helen.

How do you... your wife?

I'm so... uh...
happy to meet you.

George is going to
start playing tennis

with Judge Markel,

and he's invited us
to visit the club too.

Oh, we used to love tennis.

Maybe we ought
to start it up again.

Well, uh, Mr. Willis, I...

We may have some openings.

But you just said there
were plenty of them.

Yes, well, what I
meant was that I, uh...

I hope we have some openings,

but with this new drive on,

they may all be filled by now,

but tomorrow, tomorrow morning,

I'll check it out and
I'll let George know.

Judge, you wouldn't
by any chance

be taking back your offer

because my wife happens to be...

Oh, I didn't say

I was taking anything
back, Mr. Willis.

Well, what did you say, Judge?

Well, I just said that, uh...

I will look into it
and let you know.

Here's your drink.

Oh, thank you. Oh,
I'm terribly sorry.

I have so many things to
do, I really must be running.

Goodbye, everybody.

Uh, forgot my suit.

Uh, you clean them beautifully.

Well, I guess I just
have to throw this out.

Well, Tom, I guess we know

where the good judge
was coming from.

Yes, I don't think they go
in for real mixed doubles

at his tennis club.

Let's go, dear.

You know, I've got to admire

the way the two of
you held your tempers.

We've had to cope

with people like him before.

And we've learned
how to handle them.

We just ignore them,

because they
deserve to be ignored.

Yes, we just let it
roll off our backs.

Whenever I meet
somebody like that judge,

I say to myself,

"He's nothing but
a stupid old bigot."

What are you laughing at?

Those initials
fit him perfectly.

What initials?

Stupid Old Bigot.

Bye, y'all.

George, what was
the matter with you?

Why didn't you say
something to that judge?

You're absolutely right, Weezy.

I'll call him as soon
as he gets home.

Good.

I've got to find out

what time we play tomorrow.

Good game, Arthur Ashe.

Next time, I'll teach
you my backhand.

Hey, good morning, Weezy.

You still mad at me?

Mad?

Of course not, George.
I'm very proud of you.

Oh, you are?

Sure.

How many women have a husband

who can put both
feet in his mouth

and still say enough

to make himself
look like a damn fool?

Come on, will you
stop acting like that?

Give me a break, will you?

Get your racket off the table.

That's no good either.
It'll scratch the counter.

Okay, where do you
want me to put it?

Look, just because

Judge Markel don't
like the Willises

ain't no reason for us

to lose out joining the club.

That judge is prejudiced
and so is his club.

No, they ain't. They
got black members.

He invited me
to join, didn't he?

Then why did he
act the way he did

when Helen came in?

Look, you got it
all wrong, Weezy.

It ain't her. It's them.

Look, I have learned
to live with the Willises

and their zebra marriage,

but everybody
ain't liberal as I am.

That's for sure.

Let's face it.

Most people, black and white,

ain't ready for mixed marriage.

Maybe you've forgotten, George,

but not too long ago
there were a lot of people

who weren't ready for us.

Don't you think I know that?

I remember when the only way

I could get near a tennis club

was by setting up
a shoeshine stand

outside the door,

and now that I'm
getting my invitation,

I ain't about to lose it

just because the
Willises got problems.

It's people like Judge Markel
who have got problems.

You're the one
that's discriminating.


You against them
people at the club,

you ain't even met them yet.

I met one, and that's a-plenty.

Look, if there was an
all-black club like this,

I'd be glad to join.

What am I supposed to do?

You're supposed to stand up

for what you believe in.

I am.

I believe in any high-class club

that feels I'm good
enough to be a member.

Hey, what's happening?

Hello, George.
Welcome to the club.

Oh, thanks, Judge.

I wish this locker
was as friendly as you.

Oh, here, let me give it a try.

They're sometimes
a little temperamental.

There you go.

Oh, thanks.

I hope I can do you
a favor sometime.

Oh, well, that may come
sooner than you think.

There's a reporter
on his way over

to do an article on our club,

and I thought it
might be a good idea

for you to talk to him.

Me? Why me?

Well, being a new member,

you can give him a fresh slant

on, you know, what
the club feels like to you.

Oh, oh.

Oh, uh, is it okay if I
mention my stores?

Oh, sure.

You know, for the wife.

Yes, I understand.

Like I said, I'm
glad to help out.

Fine, well, I'm going to
warm up for our game.

Doggone it.

Gotcha!

Hey! What are you doing?

What are you doing, man?

I'm going to call the police.

You'd better get up
off my clothes, turkey.

Who you calling turkey, turkey?

What's the big idea,

grabbing on me like that?

You go ripping off
a locker like that,

what'd you expect
me to do, chump?

Give you a key?
No. I already got one.

Where did you steal that?

What are you talking about?

Look, this is my
key to my locker.

Your key?

Man, do you expect
me to buy that?

I don't give a
damn what you buy.

All I know is I'm trying
to get into this locker.

Hey, you ain't jiving, are you?

No, I ain't jiving,
the locker's jammed.

I ain't talking
about the locker.

I mean, you really are a member.

Look, my name is
George Jefferson,

and I'm here to play

a very special game
with Judge Markel.

Man, ain't that something?

Beg your pardon?

Nothing, Mr. Jefferson.

I'm sorry that I
grabbed you like that.

I thought you
were breaking in...

and come to think
of it, I guess you are.

Thank you, uh, Carl.

Uh, here you go, Carl.

Take this for your troubles.

Oh, no, sir, you
don't have to do that.

I was just doing my job.

Now, if you need clean
towels, you just call for Carl.

Fish got to swim
and birds got to fly.

And you've got to eat
or you're going to die.

Come on, bro, I know
how it is, I've been there.

All right, sir. If you insist.

Oo-ee, old Andy Jackson.

Looks like they found
themselves a rich one too.

Say what?

I said you're a rich
brother, ain't you?

What's so strange about that?

All the brothers around
here are rich, ain't they?

All the brothers?
Who you talking about?

The brothers that
work in the kitchen?

Well, what are
you talking about?

Man, you really
don't know, do you?

Know what?

Why you're here.

Yeah, I know why I'm
here. I'm here to play tennis.

Mm-hm, and you're going
to be playing on center court,

where everybody can see you.

Why would anybody
want to see me?

I ain't that much
of a tennis player.

Because if they don't see you,

you ain't much
good to this club.

Look, I'll give it
to you straight.

A couple of other
clubs in this town

are being hassled by the press

because they don't
let minorities in,

so the dudes that run this club

decided to get themselves
a house n*gg*r. Dig?

Oh, you mean, uh...

Come on, man, I
don't believe that.

Well, you'd better believe it,

because I ain't joking... token.

Carl, get me a fresh
towel, would you, please?

Yes, sir, Judge,
right away, sir.

You'll love Carl.

He's one of the
best boys we've...

Employees. One of
the finest employees

we've had.

Uh, George, I'd like you
to meet Robert Phelps

from the Daily Journal.

Mr. Jefferson's our
newest member.

How do you like the club so far,

Mr. Jefferson?

Oh, I've got to say
I'm real surprised

at the way I'm being treated.

Yes, well, we like to think
we're firmly in the 20th century

around here.

Here you are, Judge.
Oh, thank you, Carl.

Now, how about a picture
of Mr. Jefferson and myself

for the paper?

That's what I'm here for, Judge.

Is that all right with you?

Oh, whatever you say, Judge.

Good.

Why don't you gentlemen
stand right over here?

All right, fine.

Really worked up a
sweat, huh, Judge?

When I say "three," I
want you gentlemen

to give me nice
great big smiles.

Okay?

Okay. One, two, three.

Wow, I really got
myself a good picture!

Wait, wait, wait!

Louise, if you don't
stop pacing like that,

you're going to wear
a hole in the carpet.

Good.

What's good about it?

Because if I make it big enough,

it'll match the one
in George's head.

I understand George.

Business is very
important to him.

He could make some
contacts at that club.

Contacts, my foot.

Friends and principles

are more important
than contacts.

Weezy?

Don't talk to me, George.

I'm not interested in
anything you have to say.

I figured you might want to
hear all about how I quit the club.

Well, you're wrong.

I don't want to hear nothing
as long as you're a member...

You quit the club?

Of course I did.

You ought to know
better than to think

I would join some
jive outfit like that.

How come you didn't
say that yesterday?

Well, I would've,

but I was waiting
for the right time.

What time was that?

When I could find out

where that judge's head was at,

and I found out where that was.

Where?

Right near the ice water. Ha ha!

Huh?

Weezy, I wish you'd been there.

So you figured out
the judge was all wet?

No, I figured he
wasn't wet enough.

For someone who's
talking so much,

you ain't saying nothing.

That's because you
ain't listening, Weez.

Look, that judge
took me back 35 years

to when my old man
used to work for that Paddy.

Paddy?

Old Man Parino.

What kind of Irishman
is named Parino?

Tom, Paddy just
means a white man.

That's because they always
patting you on the head

for good luck.

Every time Papa saw
Old Man Parino coming,

he'd say, "Uh-oh,
here comes the Paddy."

Oh, Papa hated
having his head rubbed,

but he finally broke
him out of the habit.

And how did he do that?

Well, one day Old Man
Parino started his rubbing act,

and the next day he d*ed.

Papa said, "That'll show him."

Being at that club today
taught me a whole lot.

Now I know how
Papa really felt...

like a thing, not like a man.

They wanted to
use me as a trophy,

like the ones down
in the lobby. Ha.

I know the feeling.

You felt out of place and
uncomfortable, didn't you?

You should've realized

Tom and Helen felt
the same way, George.

I do now, and I wouldn't want

nobody to go through
what I've just been through,

not even them.

George... Never mind, Louise.

I think I know what
George means.

I also think

he just learned
something about prejudice.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Who are you talking
to about prejudice?

If there's anything I
hate, it's prejudice.

That's why I try to stamp
it out wherever I find it.

Even in the case
of Tom and Helen?

Sure. Everybody should
be treated the same.

Oh, George.

Regardless of race, creed,

or the color of her husband.

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.
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