03x02 - Louise Gets Her Way

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't nothin'
Wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪

Beautiful day, isn't it?

Just like Indian summer.

George, I know you don't
talk much in the morning,

but a friendly burp now
and then wouldn't hurt.

Uh-huh.

The least you could do is tell
me how you like the waffles.

Oh, yeah. Just as good as the
ones Momma used to make for me.

Hmm, that's better.

Which I hated.

Why are you so
grouchy this morning?

Because that dumb maid
Florence woke me up.

Florence?

She's not even
here yet. She's late.

I know, but every
Tuesday morning

she starts making noise at 8:00.

But this morning I didn't hear
nothing, and it woke me up.

Ah, do you want one lump or two?

I already put
sugar in my coffee.

I meant for your head.

Will you look at this syrup?

Them liberals
finally got their way.

They changed Aunt Jemima
so much she looks almost white.

She is white. That's
Vermont Maid.

Oh, yeah. Ha ha!

Now I know what's
wrong with these waffles.

They taste old.

I just made them.

I know, but you just made them

in that burnt-up
old piece of junk.

There's nothing wrong
with this waffle iron.

Get a new one.

Not while this one
is still working good.

It would be a waste of money.

See, that's your trouble, Weezy.

You don't think big.

My mother said the same thing

when I told her I
was marrying you.

All I'm saying is you don't
have to scrimp and save

like we was poor folks.

I don't scrimp and save anymore.

Oh, no?

Then why do you save

these little twisty things
from the bread wrappers?

Well, you never know when
they might come in handy.

I can tell you when they
come in handy. New Year's Eve!

Happy New Year's, Weezy! Whee!

Well, I'm glad you're
beginning to feel better.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, that must be Florence.

Oh, I just started
feeling bad again.

Where have you been?

Outside.

I pay you to work inside.

You should have been
here two hours ago.

Why? What did I miss?

One of these days you're
gonna come to work so late

you're gonna pass
yourself going home.

That's real smart,
Mr. Jefferson,

especially for a
man with your brain.

And if you had
any brains at all,

you'd stop getting so uppity.

I'm sorry.

Must be the company I keep.

I agree.

I ought to try working for
a better class of employer.

Say what?

Have a nice day, Mr. Jefferson.

Now, you listen, young lady...

Good morning, Mrs. Jefferson.

You finished with
breakfast already?

Yes, I am.

Uh, you know, Florence,

you shouldn't talk to
Mr. Jefferson like that.

I can't help it, Mrs. Jefferson.

Him and me is
like a Kn*fe and fork.

They both need each other,

but they're always scraping
up against one another.

Still, you must remember
this is his home.

You don't have to rub it in.

What do you mean?

Nothing.

Do you want me
to clean this floor?

I cleaned it myself yesterday.

Yesterday?

Well, honey, either you need
shorter legs or longer arms,

because your mop sure
ain't reaching the floor.

I only did it to save you work.

You don't have to save no
work for me. I got enough already.

But didn't I do a good job?

Sure you did. You spread
the dirt out all nice and even.

Uh, would you like a
waffle before you start?

No, thanks.

You sure? I made it myself.

No, thank you.

It'll only go to waste.

Then let it go to waste,

like everything else
goes to waste, damn it!

All I did was
offer you a waffle.

Is that all you
got to think about?

Waffles, waffles, waffles?

How do you feel about pancakes?

Oh, Mrs. Jefferson.

Florence, what is it?

Do you want to tell
me what's wrong?

I'm getting thrown
out of my apartment!

What?

They're tearing the
whole building down.

That's terrible.
Didn't they warn you?

Oh, sure, they warned
us. They said, "Get out!"

I'm sorry, Florence.

No wonder you're so
uptight this morning.

I've been uptight all week.

10 years I've been in
that lousy, stinking hole.

Well, if it's that bad, maybe
it needs tearing down.

Mrs. Jefferson, you're
talking about my home.

What are you going to do?

Honey, if I knew that,

I could put Jeane
Dixon out of business.

I don't know where I'm
going to find a new place.

Would you like to take the
rest of the day off to go looking?

I don't think that
would help. Why not?

I'll give you three why-nots.

I'm not a man, I'm not
white, and I'm not rich.

Yeah. Rents have
gone crazy, all right.

I can barely make ends meet
in the old lousy, stinking hole.

I sure can't pay
what they're asking

for new lousy, stinking holes.

You know...

maybe I ought to
become a streetwalker.

That's a terrible idea!

Why? Don't you think
anybody would want me?

Of course. You'd make
a wonderful streetwalker.

Oh, so that's what
you think of me, huh?

No. No. You'd make
a terrible streetwalker.

What's wrong with me?

Now, look, Florence.

If you're short of money,

you could work here more
than one day a week, you know.

You know Mr. Jefferson
wouldn't like that.

Oh, yes, he would.

Just a few minutes
ago he was telling me

I should learn how
to spend more money.

An extra day would
be nice, Mrs. Jefferson.

But I still won't be able
to find a new place to live.

Hey, wait a minute.

I just thought of
someplace great.

Where? Here!

Now, don't be making
fun of me, Mrs. Jefferson.

You know I can't afford to rent
a broom closet in this building.

No, no.

I mean here, in our guestroom!

You could be our full-time maid.

That way, you
have a place to live,

a good salary, and you'll
never be alone again.

Oh, Mrs. Jefferson!
You're so beautiful!

But what about Mr. Jefferson?
What's he gonna say?

Oh, don't worry about
that. I'll handle him.

Oh, thank you, Mrs.
Jefferson. I'm so happy.

I'm gonna work my
fingers to the bone.

I'll work nights.
I'll work weekends.

You'll see. I'm gonna be
the best maid there ever was.

I'm gonna finish these dishes,
and when I get through, I'm-

Uh-uh. Hold it, Florence.

We have plenty of time.

Why don't we have a
nice hot cup of coffee first?

That's a good
idea, Mrs. Jefferson.

But coffee jangles my nerves.

Make mine tea.

[HUMMING]

Weezy!

[HUMMING]

Weezy!

Oh, George, I'm
glad you're home.

I've got some wonderful news.

My news is better than
wonderful. It's good!

Remember how grouchy
I was this morning?

I didn't notice
anything different.

I know, Weezy. That's because
I try to stay cheerful for you.

But I was worried

about having to buy those
new vans for the stores.

And now you're not worried?

No.

Because I met a guy

who's going to
do me a big favor.

He's going to sell me three
practically brand-new vans

for half-price.

Why?

Because he needs the bucks.

See, I got the bucks,
he's got the vans.

So we make a
trade. Ain't that great?

Yes, that was a
lucky break for you.

Lucky break, nothing!
I make my own breaks.

When it comes to deals,
my eye's out there looking,

my ear's out there listening,

my nose is out there smelling...

And your tail is
out there wagging.

Say what?

You sound just
like a bloodhound.

That's exactly what I am

when I'm out there
chasing them deals, Weezy.

A bloodhound. Ha-ha.

Well, I hope you're housebroken.

Look, will you stop interrupting

and let me finish the story?

See, I heard about this
dude who had these vans.

And he was going to give
them to somebody else.

So I tracked him down, and
using my charm and intellect,

I was able to influence him
into letting me have them.

Ain't you proud of me? Ha-ha!

I certainly am.

And I think you're
gonna be proud of me too.

Oh? What did you do?

Well, I've been thinking

about what you
said this morning.

And you were right.

I do scrimp and save. Hmm!

But it's hard to break
habits of a lifetime.

You got to try, honey.

I will. I've just been so
silly about little things.

Hmm.

Have you noticed

the toilet paper
in the bathroom?

Only when it ain't there.

Well, I've been
buying the cheaper kind

just to save a few pennies.

But now I'm going to
buy the soft, fluffy kind.

Nothing but the best!

Mm-hm. So this
is your great news?

Buying fancy toilet paper?

No.

George, I've hired
a live-in maid.

Now you're talking!

You don't mind? No. I
think it's a great idea.

Anything is better
than that thing we got.

I just hope she's a good one.

Uh, George! Uh...
She better be good.

When I snap my fingers, I
want something to happen.

You got it! Here I am.

[LAUGHS]

Uh, will you excuse
us a minute, Florence?

I have something to discuss
with my wife in private.

Heh-heh-heh.

Thank you!

You must be out of your mind!

She ain't moving in with us!

But, George, I just hired her.

Then just unhire her.

But I thought

you liked the idea
of a live-in maid.

Ain't nothing
wrong with the idea.

It's the maid that's the drag.

I can barely stand
her once a week.

But she has no place to go.

Her building's been condemned.

I ain't surprised.
Look who's living in it.

That's no way to
talk about Florence.

Yeah, you're right, Weezy.

I don't even want to
talk about her no way.

Give me one reason
why you don't want her.

I'll give you three:
I don't like her,

she don't like me, and
we don't like each other.

You've gotta do
better than that.

Okay, she's nosy, she's bossy

and she don't do
nothing I tell her.

She's not nosy.

Are you kidding? She's got
more nose than an elephant.

George!

Look, Weezy, I am an
important businessman.

I need me a maid

who's gonna keep her ears
closed and her eyes shut.

She's gonna bump into
a lot of furniture that way.

You know what I mean.

Y'all want me to fix lunch now?

We're still talking, dear.

Can't you talk over
lunch? I'm hungry.

Not yet, Florence.

Well, talk faster, will you?

See? She's bossy!

I thought that was very good.

There's nothing wrong
with her wanting to fix lunch.

And when I said no, she
obeyed my order right away.

How about if I
start without y'all?

My stomach's so empty
it's beginning to echo.

Will you get back
in the kitchen?

I'm getting.

Look, the only orders
I want you giving her

are her marching
orders, understand?

[PHONE RINGS]

But, George... I'll get it.

No, no. George, let the
maid answer the phone.

That's one of the good
things of having a live-in.

She can screen
your calls for you.

Oh, yeah. That's
classy, ain't it?

Get the phone, Florence!

Florence!

I can't talk to you now.
I'm answering the phone.

See?

Make sure she says
"Jeffersons' residence"

every time she answers.

It's for you, Mr. Jefferson.

Oh, who is it?
How should I know?

He's your friend.

Hello, Jefferson speaking.

Hey! Owens! Hey, it's
good to hear your voice.

It's the guy I'm
buying the vans from.

Yeah, let's meet
over here, downstairs.

Get off the phone, you dummy!

No, no, no! Not you, Owens!

Sure! Before the banks close.

Let's say 2:00.

Good. Okay, ciao.

Did you see her
listening on the phone?

She ain't no maid.
She's the FBI!

She was only trying
to do a good job.

Excuse me, Mrs. Jefferson, but
there's something very important

I got to ask you about my work.

Oh, sure.

What is it, Florence?
What days am I getting off?

Is that all you got on
your mind, days off?

No, I'd like to talk
about my money.

Uh, Florence, you'd better
get back into the kitchen.

And stay there!

Give her a chance, George.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hold it, Weezy.

Give the maid a
chance, like you said.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Florence, answer the door.

Oh, no. You ain't
catching me like that.

You told me to stay in here!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'm coming, damn it!

She's only following
orders, George.

Oh, hello, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

Here's the bags.

I brought them up as
soon as they arrived.

I knew you'd want
it that way, sir.

Ha-ha! Thank you
very much, Ralph.

See, Weezy? This is
what I call good service.

Why, thank you, sir.

I know you always appreciate it.

These are very heavy bags, sir.

Put them right
over there, Ralph.

Yes, sir.

Very heavy.

There.

And, of course, the
elevator's not working.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ralph. Here.

Oh, you don't
have to do that, sir.

Well... Wait a minute!

Whose bags are these?

Why, Miss Johnston's, sir.

Who's Miss Johnston?

Your maid, Florence. A friend
brought them over for her.

Florence?

Yes, sir.

I must congratulate you

on making Florence
your full-time maid.

She's hard-working, charming...

She's a pain.

And she does get
on one's nerves, sir.

Did you tell her to have
her bags sent over?

Well, no, but I guess
she thought it was okay.

Well, guess what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking she's
got a lot of nerve,

moving in here
without my permission,

then listening in on
my private phone calls.

Fire her!

I can't do that!

Look, Weezy, I'm going
downstairs for a business deal

and when I come back, I
want to see them outta here.

Them?

That bag and her baggage!

I'm not gonna do
your dirty work.

If you want to fire her,
you'll have to do it yourself.

I don't have time. I
gotta meet Owens now.

You're scared to
do it, aren't you?

Me, scared?

Yes.

Huh!

I'll show you how scared I am.

Florence, you're fired!

Did I hear him say
what I thought I heard?

That man of yours

sure makes some
weird jokes, don't he?

Florence, he wasn't joking.

Come on in, Mr. Owens.
Oh, thank you.

That was real dumb of
me to forget my checkbook.

Oh, that's all right.

Louise! Louise?

Wonder where my wife's at?

Oh, she's probably out
buying something for me.

That woman's always
thinking about me.

Why not? You're
a real likeable guy.

That's why I'm glad
we're doing business.

You know, I could have sold
them vans to somebody else

for more than you're paying,

but what the hell!

And I can guarantee
you one thing.

My check won't bounce.

It might shiver a
little bit, but that's all.

Thank you. Thank you.

You're getting a real
good deal on those vans.

I wish I was as smart
a businessman as you.

Yeah, well...

I mean, I should
have known better

than to leave
myself short like that.

If I could have just... just
held out for another week.

Couldn't you go to a bank...

Sure, I could. And
I did, but they won't.

Well, my loss is your gain,

as the fat lady said
to the health club.

Hey, that's a good one!

Yeah. I tell you, though, this
worrying is giving me "yoorz."

What's "yoorz"?

I'll have a Scotch and soda!

It's an old one, but it
always works, huh?

Yeah, I gotta try
that one sometime.

Yeah!

You know something?
You're a nice guy yourself.

Thank you.

Yeah, that's one of my
secrets to my success,

my ability to pick out
nice people like you.

If there's one thing
I know, it's people.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hey, would you
mind helping yourself?

Pour me one too. Sure.

Hello, Jefferson speaking.

Who?

Oh, yeah! He's
here. Hold it, hold it.

It's your partner.
Oh, thank you.

Yeah?

No, not quite.

In a couple of minutes. Why?

Oh, fine, fine!

Oh, yeah, yeah, I agree.

Yes, I think we should
tend to that right away.

Yeah, um... How's
15 minutes from now?

I'll be there.

Yeah, bye.

My partner says
to say hello to you.

You know, he likes you too.

Ain't that nice! And I
never even met him.

Oh, we can have our drink now.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson,
if you don't mind,

could you make
out the check now?

Sure, no problem.

Something's come up.

I'm gonna have to leave
sooner than I expected.

You know, I feel kinda bad,

taking advantage
of you like this.

Hi!

Would y'all like to celebrate
your big business deal

with a bottle of champagne?

There's one open in the kitchen.

Florence, I fired you!

I know. That's
what I'm celebrating.

Well, what are
you still doing here?

I had to finish my cleaning.

Ain't no sense in Mrs.
Jefferson suffering

because you such a meanie.

And such a bad speller too.

Say what?

You spelled your name
wrong. That check ain't no good.

What are you talking about?

It says "George
Jefferson" plain as day.

That's what I mean.

It should say "George Pigeon."

Say what?

That's what his partner called
you on the telephone just now.

And I know, 'cause
I was listening!

How dare you?

Yeah, how dare you?

Why'd he call me a pigeon?

He didn't call you a pigeon.

Oh, no?

What else would
you call a turkey

that had just bought three vans

that had been sitting
underwater for two weeks?

Underwater?

She's crazy!

And his partner said some
other pigeons they sold vans to

was making trouble.

That's how come they got
to get out of town tonight.

She's a troublemaker. I
don't blame you for f*ring her.

Remember that flood they
had in Mississippi last spring?

Well, them vans you
bought couldn't swim.

You trying to sell me
damaged vans, Owens?

There's nothing
wrong with the vans.

You saw them yourself.

Did you check the
ashtrays for mud?

I was wondering why you
was letting them go so cheap.

Owens, you're a crook.

Now, now, wait a minute.

Are you gonna listen
to her? She's drunk.

Not drunk, just nosy.

I heard these crooks
trying to rip you off.

You trying to rip me off
and get away with it, Owens?

Get outta here.

All right, now, just
a minute, buster.

We got a deal and
you're gonna stick to it.

What?!

Okay, buster,

let me stick a few
left jabs in your eye.

[LAUGHS]

George, who was that?

That was Owens.
He was just leaving.

I could see that.

What I meant was...

Never mind that. Where you been?

Upstairs.

Oh, Florence, I've
arranged everything.

You can start working for
the Willises tonight if you want.

No, she can't.

George, you can't
stop Tom and Helen

from hiring whoever they want.

I can if I want the same person.

We're hiring
Florence back again.

Not for the same
money, you ain't.

I want me a
cost-of-living raise.

You got it.

What's going on here?

We got us a maid,
Weezy. We got us a maid!

We got us the nosiest maid!

Just a minute, Mr. Jefferson!
Let me tell you a thing or two!

Now, you got yourself a maid,
but I ain't that kind of maid.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

FLORENCE: Y'all awake yet?

We are now.

If you're asleep, I'll go away.

Oh, we're awake. We're awake.

Good.

Breakfast time.

Oh, isn't this nice,
George? Breakfast in bed.

Yeah, that's kind of classy.

There you are.

Eggs Benedict. Great.

Oh, I can't eat all this.

I'll just have toast and coffee.

There ain't no sense in
letting them eggs go to waste.

Skooch over, Mrs. Jefferson.

Pass me the salt, honey.

Mmm-mmm!

Ain't this nice?

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.

♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪