01x07 - Blueprint for m*rder

[bunniefuu]

Mr. Williamson...

Where is he?

He's not in.

He's there, isn't he?
I don't believe you, ma'am.

You can't go in there!
Mr. Williamson.

It's incredible, isn't it?

Williamson City... that's very
impressive.

Doesn't it make you feel proud?

Mr. Williamson! Mr. Williamson!

I said where is he?

At the construction site.

Where's Markham?

He's up there.

Markham, up there?

Who?

Markham, Markham.

He's not up here. I think he's over on
the bridge.

Hey, Mr. Markham, Mr. Markham.

I saw him five minutes ago...

...when he came in... what are you
yelling about?

Thank you, thank you.

Boy, that guy's sure in a hurry.

Yes, he is.

You wanna talk about the
dedication later, Mr. Markham?

No, Carl. I wanna talk about it
right now.

What time is it scheduled to start?

Nine o'clock in the morning, sir.

And you've got the seats facing
East?

East? Oh, is that East? Oh, yeah.
That's East.

We don't want the people looking into the
sun, do we? Carl.

No, sir. I'll rearrange the seats,
Mr. Markham.

Thank you, Carl.

Bo! What a pleasant surprise.
Didn't know you were here.

When did you get back?

Just in time, it looks like!

What's the matter?

Williamson City, that's what's the
matter.

Oh, you spoke to your wife.

No, I didn't speak to my wife.
I just got back from eight weeks...

...in Europe and I find she's off at
some phoney health farm.

Well, maybe I better explain.

You don't have to explain anything.

You know what else I found? A bunch
of letters between you and her and...

...about a mile-high stack of
blueprints.

Oh, it's the most revolutionary
concept I ever had.

Jennifer and I assumed you'd be
delighted.

Delighted? Let me tell you. Nobody
throws a lasso around my...

...money without my consent,
that includes my wife.

And you had better believe it!

Well, you were in Europe. There was
no way to get in touch with you.

You could've waited.

We were positive you'd agree.

Agree? Forget it, boy.
The joyride is over!

But the machinery's already been
set in motion.

Well, then you unset it! And I'll
tell you something else.

Don't ever speak to my wife or me
again.

She's too young to recognize
a con man when she sees one.

Can I suggest you consider what
you're saying. You're not talking...

...to one of your underlings.

Oh, listen. I know exactly who I'm
talking to.

But Bo, listen, listen. This
project can give you immortality.

As long as that city stands
your name will be remembered.

Name? I'm gonna tell you something
Jackson boy! My wallet is a lot more...

...important to me than my name.

You really are a Philistine,
aren't you?

What?

All you care about is money. You
wouldn't reconize art if you...

...fell over it. We have a chance to
do something extraordinary here...

and you're trying to ruin it.

That's right. Quite right! And if
you're on some kind of an ego trip...

...you find somebody else to pay
for it.

Bo, I have a thought.

Would you commission me to design
your burial vault?

That would be about your speed.

You really would like to see me
dead, wouldn't you?

But I'll tell you something.
It wouldn't count for much.

Well, maybe your wife might have
other ideas.

Don't mean a thing... because when I die
all of my money goes into trust.

Jennifer'll get her share every
year, you can count on that.

But there won't be any cash to
build cities with. If you're...

...thinkin' of any uglies... forget it.

Mr. Markham, Bo Williamson was here
and...

Get his wife on the phone, right away.
She's in Palm Springs...

...at some health farm.

Golden Dunes retreat.

That's the one. Get her.

She is there, isn't she?... I see.

Well, when will she be available?
All right, thank you.

Williamson do that?

Yes, sir. He just barged right in.
When he saw it he...

Never mind. Did you reach Jennifer?

They won't put the call through to
her. The guests aren't allowed...

...to have telephones.

Call her back. It's important.

I'm sorry, but they said the guests
can't make or receive calls...

...during their stay.

I see...

Then she's virtually incommunicado.

No telegrams, no outside visitors.
Just wheat germ and push-ups.

When does she get reprieved?

Oh, she'll be back in time for the
dedication ceremonies.

Thanks, Miss Sherman.
I think I love you.

I needed that.

Beautiful! Beautiful! Hey, Freddie!
That is absolutely beautiful.

Bring that beauty back here.

What have you been doing to him,
anyway?

He's improved a lot since...

I can see that. I can see that.

Thank you, sir.

Listen, you keep working him like
that, and I'll be back in a few days...

to check him out.

I'll take him back to the barn and
cool him off.

You better. You better.

Hey, hey, beautiful!
I don't believe this.

Hey, cool him out easy.

Hello, Bo.

Surprised?

What're you doin' in my car?

Waiting for you.

Get yourself k*lled that way.

Or the reverse.

Get out.

Over there.

Thank you. Sit down, please. Thank
you very much. Well, as usual...

...I feel like an expectant father.
But contrary to the norm, each...

...one seems to get more difficult
for me.

I'm just grateful I have so
many wonderful friends... you know...

...I'd like to also take this...

Hey! Where're you going?

Over there.

No one's allowed in there.

What do you mean no one's allowed?
I see 30 people down there.

No one's allowed in there without
an invitation. You have an invitation?

No, I don't have an invitation.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

You have no invitation.
So... Out.

Actually, I'm a Lieutenant in
the police. My name is Columbo.

Oh, Lieutenant? Oh.

You know, I came here. I'm just
coming here to look for somebody.

Who you looking for, Lieutenant?

A Mrs. Williamson?

Well, I'll tell you, Lieutenant,
lotta people here.

Why don't you wander around.
Maybe you'll bump into her.

I see. Thank you very much.

OK.

Bye.

...let me give you some details
about this building?

You've heared this before, but you
understand that it's a fantastic...

...building, really.

Yes, you see, it's to be 32 stories
high. It's revolutionary...

...in concept really... because it
won't be offices so much as...

...living modules, almost cocoons
where a man can coordinate his...

...activities outside the context
of mere business.

In fact, if he chooses, it can become virtually
a second home, a remarkable place...

...of mobility and freedom. I don't
know how the wives will feel about that.

In any case, these units will be
for sale for all those who qualify.

You were asking me about the price earlier,
we've been...

...we haven't quite figured it out.

We've been dickering around somewhere
between 30 and...

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Something you want?

Well, I didn't mean to interrupt like this
and barge in, but I'm...

...looking for a Mrs. Williamson...

I'm Mrs. Williamson.

Mrs. Bo Williamson?

That's right.

And who might you be?

Lieutenant Columbo.

You called the police.

I did?

Well, that's what they told me.

Lieutenant, I may not be the brightest
lady in the world, but I do know...

...whether I made a phone call
or not.

Obviously some kind of mix-up.

Well, I'd like to get this thing
straightened out. Can anybody...

...tell me where Mr. Williamson is?

I don't know.

You mean he's missing?

To be absent is not necessarily
to be missing, Lieutenant.

I assume you understand the distinction.

It's just that he's out of town on
business.

And really, Lieutenant, I didn't
call the police.

This is very very weird, because they
told me they got a call from...

...a Mrs. Williamson and she said that
her husband was missing...

...and he might even be dead.

Oh... that's ridiculous.

Wait a minute... Goldie.

Who's Goldie?

My husband's first wife.
She must've called you.

Why would she do that?

I guess because Bo's been out of
the country for eight weeks.

And he came back on business for
a day and I suppose left again.

She gets a little tense
when the alimony checks are late.

That's hardly a reason to call the
police.

Well, Goldie's a little possessive.
Is that the word?

They've been divorced a long
time.

But she still can't give up the ghost.

Mr. Williamson is a globetrotter,
sometimes he takes...

...off at a moment's notice, doesn't
even tell Jennifer.

No kidding? Just...

I'm sure he'll show up in a
few weeks. If you'll excuse us...

...if you've covered everything.

Say, did you build this?

No, no. One of my staff did that.

Oh.

Come on. Do you want some?

Yes.

Excuse me, please.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

A little on the slow side here.

Ah, forgive me a moment.
I just wanted to stop by and...

...tell you that's a terrific building.
I mean it. I know a lot of people like...

...the old-fashioned stuff, but
I figure you got to keep...

...an open mind.

You have a new fan.

Yes.

Oh, absolutely. It's just marvelous.

Tell me how did you two meet?

Mr. Markham designed a summer
house for us. It's incredible.

Really, it's a work of genius.

Jennifer tends to get carried away,
Lieutenant.

But you are a genius. And when
everyone sees your plans for...

...Williamson City you'll be buried
in commissions.

What is Williamson City?

Now I'm a superstitious guy, let's
not talk about our project till...

...it's hatched.

You'll have to excuse us, Lieutenant.
One of the obligations of...

...the trade... have to mingle.

Oh, sure. Listen, sorry to bother you.

No bother at all.

Oh, don't worry about my husband,
Lieutenant.

Believe me, he's very much alive.

He's dead, I tell you! I can feel it
in my spine. A little lower, honey.

Ouch, that's it.

I know more about Bo Williamson
than that little lady'll...

...learn in a lifetime.

Yeah, but...

Lover, take my word for it. He has
shuffled off this veil of tears.

How do you know that?

Because he always calls me before he
leaves town. This time he didn't.

Yeah, but if he didn't call you,
how'd you know he left town?

I spoke with the child bride.

You mean Mrs. Williamson?

The current Mrs. Williamson. I call
her the next-ex. Don't get me...

...wrong, lover. She's half my age
and twice as pretty but I like her.

Bo reached the point where he thought he
needed a younger woman, and she's...

...better than most.

I gotta say this for you, you
a pretty healthy attitude.

I can afford it. He pays, you know.

I tell you, lover, if gold lame was
legal tender, I'd rule the world.

That's enough for today, Miko. I'll see
you tomorrow.

Say goodbye to the Lieutenant.

Dozo yoroshiku. Columbo-san. Anata
wa suteki desu. Anone, watakushi wa...

...anata suki desu.
Anone, dewa mata. Sayonara.

Sayonara. See.

She's a lovely girl.

She is a lovely girl.

Very polite. I don't know what she's
said...

but it sounded like she liked me.

Lieutenant, would you like to turn
around? I don't want to corrupt you.

OK. You can turn around now.

Oh, fine. The point is this,
Mrs. Williamson.

My friends call me Goldie! And
since I'm standing here practically...

...naked with you, you'd better be my
friend.

Would you mind repeating that last
sentence?

I don't think I quite understood.

I said, since I'm standing here practically
naked with you, you better be my friend.

And my friends call me Goldie.

Oh, I see. Well, Goldie.

Let me ask you this.
Don't you think it's possible that...

...your ex-husband could've
slipped up and left town...

...without calling you?

No way. He never forgets.

Does Mrs. Williamson know this?

Why ruin a lovely relationship?

You mean to tell me that your
ex-husband's closer to you...

than he is to his current wife?

Lieutenant, we were married for
22 years.

We never had any children.

So we spent a lotta time
getting to know one another.

Jennifer gives him youth. For
the rest, he comes to me.

Now, even if he leaves town
for just a few days,

he always lets me know. Every time.

Yeah...

It's for you.

Oh, thank you very much.

Hello, yes, oh, all right.
I'll be right down.

Thank you.

They found Bo Williamson's car.

You see? What did I tell you?

At the airport.

I'm gonna go down and check it out, but
it really looks like he left town.

Honey, I've got gold-plated
instincts and I trust 'em.

I am worried sick.

But his clothes are gone, his passport,
his suitcase. And his car is...

...at the airport. What more proof
do you need?

Excuse me. Did I hear you say that
he took his passport?

Well, it isn't here. And he spends
a lot of time in Europe.

Oh, yes. That's right. Globetrotter.
That's what Mr. Markham called him.

I noticed that he likes
country and western music.

Does a bear like honey?

I've tried to broaden his tastes
a little, but it's impossible.

That noise is all he listens to.

Tell me something... do you ever drive
his car?

Me? No, I have my own.

What's all this guff about cars and
music and passports? I feel like...

...the original voice in the
wilderness. Don't you two understand?

Bo's gone and nobody gives
a hoot!

Who's Dr.Moss?

What?

I see in your husband's appointment
book, "Dr.Moss, 10:45".

...the 11th of the month.
That's tomorrow.

You see? He'd never leave town
if he had an appointment...

...with his heart specialist.

Oh? He had a bad ticker, did he?

He has a pacemaker and his heart
works perfectly. The fact...

...that he's missing the appointment
proves it's unimportant.

Hey, look at this... Blueprints.

What's he doing? Building a bigger
house?

Those are the preliminary plans
for Williamson City.

Williamson City?

Williamson City? I remember that.
You mentioned that down at the...

...construction site. What is that
exactly?

It's an entire community. Churches,
schools, everything planned...

...from fireplugs to skyscrapers.

Mr. Markham. Did he design that?

That's right.

I can't imagine Bo's bringing hard
cash for something like that.

Well, there may be some things
about him you don't know.

It's possible he's a bit more
complicated than you think, Goldie.

The day he came back, he saw those
plans and Elliot said he loved them.

Oh, then Mr. Markham saw your husband
before he left town?

They had a meeting the day he came
back, and Elliot told me all about it.

Are you a policeman?

Yes, ma'am. My name is Lieutenant
Columbo.

Excuse me for just one moment.

I was out at the construction site,
I don't know if you remember me or not.

Well... is something wrong?

Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. I wanted
to speak to Mr. Markham.

Is he in there?

I'm sorry, Lieutenant, he
isn't in.

Well, maybe I could speak to him
at home.

He only goes there to sleep. If you want
him, you'll find him at the university...

...giving a lecture to his students.

Oh, really?

He teaches too, huh?

Mr. Markham feels he has a
responsibility to share...

...his knowledge.

I'll tell you something.

It's a wonder the man finds all the
time, right?

Pure energy, Lieutenant. He's a
dynamo. A man like that throws off...

...sparks and never slows down.
Most of us can't keep up with him.

But we love it, naturally.
I mean...

everyone likes to feel he's participating
in something important.

He's an unusual man. Tonight's
lecture for instance,

on Egyptian architecture. Pyramids,
tombs. Things like that.

He gave up his dinner hour to verify a
date. Not the year, mind you, the date.

Lieutenant? Lieutenant? Lieutenant.

Is this where he works?

Yes, it is.

Just wonderful.

Marvelous office.

Yes, it is.

Spacious.

Yes, it is.

Conference room?

Yes, it is.

Very handy, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Wonderful. I mean everything, the décor,
the paneling

I'm glad you like it, Lieutenant.
But really Mr. Markham doesn't...

...permit anyone in his office.

I see he likes music.

Yes.

He has it right here in the office, huh?

Yes, he does. He plays it while he's
designing.

Classical stuff?
My favorite. Just love it.

Really, Lieutenant, it's getting late.

And I have to meet someone for
dinner.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
hold you up like that. Forgive me.

It's just when I start hearing this stuff,
I could just listen for hours.

I'm sorry.

Yes. Well, if there's nothing else...

No, I don't think there's anything else.
Thank you very much. Good night.

Good night.

What happened here?

An accident.

Isn't that something...
Williamson City?

If you ask me, he doesn't deserve it.

Who is that?

Bo Williamson. I know I shouldn't
be talking about this...

...but it's a shame Mr. Markham
has to work for a man like that.

You mean Mr. Williamson did this?

Yes, he just barged right in here the other
day and smashed it all to smithereens.

Guess he didn't like it, huh?

People like that don't know what
they like.

All they care about is what it costs.

Too expensive, huh?

Mr. Markham has a saying, you can't
put a price tag on genius.

These were built over the course...

of a generation by an endless supply
of sl*ve labor.

Oddly enough, the pharaohs of the
time, much like ourselves,

were greatly concerned
with the crime rate.

The tombs were particularly vulnerable
because the Egyptians buried vast caches...

...of treasure along with their dead
royalty.

So, aside from being visually impressive,
with their bulk and simplicity,

the tombs were also a marvel of
engineering skills,

built to withstand the onslaught
of thieves.

By the way, it's said that some of
the engineers who built...

...the pyramids were sealed up in
their own creations to protect...

...the integrity of the tomb.

Fortunately, today's architects are
spared that particular indignity.

Lights, please.

Next week we'll move rapidly
into the Baroque period,

and even more rapidly
into our first exam.

Those of you with failing grades
will be permanently entombed...

at least as far as this class is
concerned. Thank you.

Didn't know you had an interest
in scholarly pursuits, Lieutenant.

Well, actually, I just came by to ask you
a few questions. Say, that stuff about...

...burying those Egyptians.
Is that true?

According to some experts.

Gee... I find that interesting. I
mean particularly for a fella in...

...my line of work.

Why?

Well, you know, the idea of burying a
body in a place where you can't find it.

If I ever m*rder*d anybody,
that's what I would do.

Not many people have access to
the pyramids, Lieutenant.

Oh, you wouldn't put 'em in the pyramids
today.

No, today, you'd have to find another
place like... gee, I don't know.

You'd have to...

Like the foundation of a building?

You know, now that you mention it,
that would be a terrific place.

I mean, you put a body under a building,
you would find it for a hundred years.

I'll keep that in mind, Lieutenant,
in case I k*ll somebody. Now...

...if you'll get to your questions...
I haven't had any dinner.

Gee... you know, neither have I.
I can offer you some raisins.

No... no, thank you.

I'll tell you why I came by...

Would you get that board for me?

Oh, certainly.

I came by because I'm still looking into
the disappearance of this...

Bo Williamson fella.

Disappearance? So Goldie's got you
convinced now.

No, not necessarily.

By the way, I stopped by your office
because I wanted to talk to you.

I couldn't help noticing
that smashed-up model of...

...Williamson City.

What about it?

Nothing. I was just wondering
how it got broken.

Why? Why do I have the feeling...

...you already know the answer to
that question?

Well, your secretary did say something
about Mr. Williamson coming in there...

...and she said he was kinda mad
and he kinda threw things around.

There's a perfectly simple
explanation, Lieutenant.

Bo was angry. And for good reason.

We went ahead on the project without
his permission.

It was very undiplomatic of us.

I see. Us... Oh, you mean you
and his wife?

Yes. Well, Jennifer is an admirer of
my work.

Yeah, she told me that.

In any event, Bo came back from
his trip and he saw the plans.

It took him by surprise. Bo's a
volatile Texan,

and when he gets angry, it shows.

Fortunately, when I explained the
project to him he was delighted.

I see. Happy ending?

But won't his disappearance interfere
with...

...your plans to move ahead?

Are we really back to that?
Lieutenant, all the evidence...

...indicates that he simply left
the country.

Well, we did find his car at the
airport.

There you are. That should prove it.

It should. But we checked out every
flight list,

and there wasn't one Williamson
on it.

Lieutenant, Bo is a... he's a
high-powered tycoon. He's got...

...exotic business interests all
over the world. Now isn't it just...

...possible for reasons not known to
us that he might occasionally...

...fly under a different name?

Yes, that is possible.

Then I wouldn't worry about it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, a very
hungry architect would like to...

...get himself some dinner.

You know, what's a funny thing about
that car. Car's got a tape...

...machine in it and the glove
compartment is full of cassettes.

Every one of them is country
and western music. That's all.

And his wife tells me this man doesn't
listen to anything else.

Nothing unusual about that.

No. Except the radio dial was set
at 52, classical station.

Turned it on, classical music.

I see.

You wanna half a candy bar?

No.

Anyway, it seems that whoever
was driving that car must've...

...been listening to classical music.
It's confusing.

I'm sure you'll find an answer,
Lieutenant.

I'm certainly gonna try. Anyway,
thanks for your time.

Oh, as for your designs...

Mr. Williamson did give you his
approval, didn't he?

I already told you, Lieutenant.

As soon as he got over his anger
he gave me his full support.

Right. Thanks very much.

You know, that's some coincidence.

What is?

That music thing. You're a great
classical music fan yourself, aren't you?

I saw your record collection down
in the office.

Guilty, Lieutenant. I like classical
music.

Along with a few hundred thousand
other people in this city.

Me too. I like it myself.
Enjoy your meal.

Yeah, yeah, I know him. He's that
Texas guy. What's his name...

His name is Williamson. He's a very
close friend of Mr. Markham's.

Friend?

Well, weren't they friends?

Not the last time I seen that guy. The
last time I saw that guy...

he looked like he was ready to wrap
a two-by-four around Mr. Markham's neck.

No kidding? When was that?

Hey, look, Lieutenant, I got
a building to put up, all right?

I'll see you around.

Yeah, OK. I don't want to
interfere with your work.

But look, there's one other thing.

Talk to Mr. Markham. I'm just in charge
of the nuts and bolts around here.

Then you know about those columns.

Not columns. Piles.

Oh, piles. So that's what they're
called. Well, tell me about them.

Well, Lieutenant. First we sink a
hollow steel cylinder in the ground.

Then we fill it with cement, and when
it hardens, we got a pile.

That's what a pile is.

That's right.

That's interesting.
What do you do? You keep a record...

...when you put 'em in the ground?

Have to. And which ones first.

You mean, you can tell me exactly what
day each one of these piles was sunk?

The day, the time, how long it
took...

...and how many men I had on the job.

Lieutenant, still obsessed with
pyramids?

Well, it must've been that lecture,
Mr. Markham.

I never really noticed buildings before
but I'm interested in them now.

Carl, you gotta check on those HVAC
estimates for me?

Yes, sir. I'll see you around,
Lieutenant.

Hey, tell me the truth, Lieutenant.

Are you interested in buildings
or builders?

What do you mean?

Well, let's look at your itinerary.
You showed up at my office...

...at my lecture, and now at
my construction site.

Well, actually, I just happened to some
have spare time...

Perhaps you should spend your time
a little more productively.

You're supposed to be tracking down
Bo Williamson.

Now, surely you don't think he's here,
do you?

Well, no, I don't see how he could be.

Well, if you'll forgive me I'll go back
to my work.

Certainly.

I assume I can look forward to
another visit in the near future?

Well... if anything interesting turns
up, I'll surely get in touch with you.

I'm sure you will.

Say, do you have the time? I think
my watch is out of order.

10:30.

I don't wanna be late. I got an
appointment at the doctor's.

Doctor, really... I never intended
to have an exam.

Just a moment.

Blood pressure's a bit low.

Well, that's normal for me.
Look, Doctor, really...

I know, you came here to ask me
questions. But a checkup never hurts.

Now, do you get enough exercise?

Well, I walk a bit. Doctor, listen.
I just had a police physical...

Can't have too many, Lieutenant.

The human machine is a delicate
instrument.

There we go.
Now... you were saying?

Yeah, this is what I want to know.

Look, it's 11:20...

Mr. Williamson hasn't shown up
for his appointment.

Now, was this just another routine
checkup?

When you have a heart condition that
needs a pacemaker, no visit is routine.

You can roll down your sleeve.

What I mean is this, was this particular
appointment any more or any less...

...important than the others?

Let me put it this way. If Bo
Williamson doesn't get to me...

...or any other specialist,

...he's running a grave risk with
his health.

Why is that?

This is a pacemaker.

You mean, it's that big?

It runs on miniature energy cells.

It's sort of like an electric watch?

Exactly. It regulates a heart that
can't keep a steady b*at of its own.

Now, every year or so, these energy
cells have to be replaced...

...or the pacemaker becomes erratic,
causing the heart to malfunction.

In other words, you could die.

Put simply, yes.

Is this a big operation?

No, but it is a surgical procedure.

Could another doctor besides
yourself perform it?

Naturally. But knowing Bo
Williamson, I seriously doubt...

...if he'd put himself in the hands
of another stranger...

...no matter how competent.

Hmmm... I see, all right, Doc.

Listen.I want to thank you very much
for the time...

and for the checkup.

It wasn't much of a checkup but
you're welcome.

If you locate Mr. Williamson, tell
him to contact me immediately.

I will. I'll do that.

Are you looking for something?

Do you have a lighter?

You won't find one here,
Lieutenant.

And let me give you some free
medical advice.

Stop smoking those things.

Well... I've been trying.

Trying isn't good enough.
Remember... I deal in pacemakers.

Well, lover, are you satisfied?

Goldie! What are you doing here?

Same thing you are. Checking up on
Bo. He didn't show up, did he?

No.

Columbo, the man is dead.

He would never miss an appointment with
a doctor.

He was always very nervous about
his health.

That may be, but there's no proof,
there's nothing solid to go on yet.

Columbo, what does it take to
convince you that I'm right.

His body?

Please, slow down.
You're running me ragged.

That's the object of the game.

Isn't there anything you do badly?

Yes. Lose.

I don't believe it.
Have you ever lost?

Come on. You're doing beautifully.

It's just that I don't get my arm back
in time.

Ready or not, I'm serving.

Oh, that's embarrassing!

Listen, your problem is you're getting
your racket back a little late.

Throw me a ball.

Can't. We hit them all out.

I'll get it.

No, let me. I'm getting embarrassed
to face you.

In Cannes they have trained dogs to
retrieve tennis balls.

I'll tell Bo somebody's got
something on him.

Elliot!

What's the matter?

Jennifer! What's the matter?

It's Bo's hat.

A battered, blood-stained hat by
itself means next to nothing.

Well, it looks kinda strange though,
don't you think?

We don't even know if he was
wearing a hat... if he was k*lled.

We don't. But the question is where
did it come from?

When will the police lab have
a report?

Pretty soon. I told them to rush it.

I got them.

Good.

What did you ask her to get?
His army dog tags?

Yes.

Do you want a drink, Lieutenant?

No. Thanks anyhow.

What I could really use is a cigar.

Beg your pardon?

Here they are, Lieutenant. I finally
found them in the attic.

But why you want them...
I don't know.

You see, army dog tags usually have a
blood type on them. Here it is. B positive.

Sure glad he saved these.
Lotta guys usually do.

I still think this is
an exercise in futility.

We don't even know if it's his hat.

It has to be. It wasn't new,
but he had a lot of them around.

And the brim is fixed just the way he
always wore it.

Besides, it was custom-made, so the
label will be easy enough to check out.

Yes? Just a moment.

Lieutenant, it's for you.

Thank you. Hello? Uh-huh... Uh-huh.

That's what I figured. Thank you.

Blood type, B positive, it's the same as
your husband's. I'm sorry, ma'am.

Then something did happen to him.
He is dead.

Jennifer, you're jumping to
conclusions. Don't be hysterical.

Lieutenant, tell her that blood on
a hat doesn't necessarily...

...mean that Bo is dead.

Well, that's true. It doesn't.

But I'd say we have got a whole new
ball game.

Sorry. Strict orders.
He doesn't want to be bothered.

He's playing that music awfully
loud. Bad mood?

He doesn't have bad moods.
Let's just say he's been happier.

Miss Sherman?

Miss Sherman?

Yes, sir.

Would you get me Mrs. Williamson, please.

Yes, sir.

Yes?

Mrs. Williamson is on the line.

Hello?

Hello, Jennifer. How are you?
Feeling any better?

I'm not sure how I feel.

I just keep thinking about that hat.

Well, that's what I called you about.

I may have an explanation for you.

What?

Well, I've got to check on a few things
before I tell you anything.

Do you think you can arrange to have
Bo's will sent over?

Bo's will? What on earth for?

Just trust me.

Get out of there!

That won't help, Goldie, I've already
seen them.

You said you wanted to talk and
suddenly I find you...

...poking around in my closet!
You've got no right!

Two of Bo's old hats left over from the
old days.

I got a hunch there were be
three on that shelf.

I don't know what you're talking
about.

Don't you? You planted that hat.
You manufactured the whole show...

...just to back up your story that
Bo's was dead.

You're reaching, mister.

Now, what's that?

It's Bo's will.
It's an interesting document.

It shows why you're so eager to
prove he's dead.

Mister, you're farther out than your
buildings.

According to this, the minute Bo
Williamson is officially dead...

...you inherit 25% of his estate.

And that's a lot of gold lame... much
more than you'll ever see in alimony.

Now you listen to me!
You're after me for some reason...

...and all I'm trying to do is to point
out what's plain as...

...the nose on your face.
That will doesn't prove a thing.

Suppose we call Lieutenant Columbo?
We'll leave it up to him.

Uh... Listen, now. I can save yourself
the trouble.

Ah... The omnipresent constable.

What are you doing here?

Well, your maid let me in. She told me
you were up here with Mr. Markham.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

How long were you standing there?

Oh, not very long. I guess
I did hear the tail end of...

...what you were saying.

Well, then I guess you know what
kind of fertilizer this boy is...

...spreading around.

You know, actually, Mr. Markham is making
pretty good sense.

He'd almost make a detective. That stuff
about the will, that's good police work.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

I thought you were my friend.

Goldie, I am your friend.
And because I'm you're friend,

I'd like to give you some advice.

I think it would do you a lot of
good if you told the truth.

I am telling the truth.

Are you? You see, I just spoke to
that nice Japanese girl that...

...gives you the massages.

Miko?

We had a little trouble understanding
each other. But we finally made it.

She told me she noticed a bandaged
cut on...

...the back of your leg this morning.
It wasn't there yesterday.

Pure coincidence. I cut myself
shaving.

I also went down to the Bureau of
Records and dug up...

...your marriage license. It turns
out you and Mr. Williamson...

...have the same blood type...
B positive.

Very good, Lieutenant. Obviously she
took one of...

...her husband's old hats, added some
blood from a self-inflicted wound...

...and left it near the tennis court.

Anything to make it look as if Bo
had been m*rder*d.

What about it, ma'am?
Oh, and another thing.

The lab tells me the blood is only 24
hours old.

All right, all right... I did it.
I planted the hat.

I was just trying to get everybody off
the dime.

I guess I'm in trouble, huh?
Falsifying evidence?

There's no real harm done.
Surely she didn't break any laws.

Your help I don't need.

Like Mr. Markham says, there was no
harm done.

As far as I'm concerned, I think
everybody can forget about it.

Well now I'll be going.

Mr. Markham! May I borrow that will
for an hour or two?

I'm afraid it isn't mine.
It belongs to Jennifer.

Why don't I take it back to her?

I'm sure dropping it off will take
you out of your way.

Suit yourself.

Let me ask you this question.

Is this the first pile iron you sunk?

That's pile D-3. We did that the
day of the dedication.

You were here, remember I saw you
coming in.

Well, what happens then?
You just dig a hole...

...and you just plop the stuff in?

We usually dig 'em the day before.

I see. Then you have this big hole
sitting there all night.

It's not a safety hazard, Lieutenant.
Don't worry about it.

I see...

Mr. Markham.

The Lieutenant was looking for you,
Mr. Markham.

I'm sure he was.

I see you have our building records.

Yes, sir... but he wanted to
take a look.

Now, listen. I didn't think you'd mind.

No. Of course not.

I wouldn't dampen your new
interest in architecture.

All right, Carl. Thanks.

Lieutenant... anybody ever tell
you...

...you're very much like an arachnid?

A what?

A tick. They're quite common, but
excessively tenacious.

They hang on and they let go only
under extreme prodding.

I never heard of 'em.

There it is.

There's what?

Pile D-3.

What do you mean?

Let's dig it up.

What?

Come on. You know you want to.

I don't know what you're talking
about?

Well, it's such a marvelous place to
hide a body.

A crew comes in and digs a hole.
The hole sits there overnight.

If I were a m*rder*r...
hypothetically speaking...

...of course, it would be made to
order.

I'd just drive up and dump the body.

The next morning the crew comes in and
fills the hole with concrete.

Neat, clean, foolproof.

Wait a minute. If you were a
m*rder*r... hypothetically...

...like you say, you're not gonna
tell this to the police.

Why not? You'd never be able to
dig it up.

Besides how do you know I'm not a victim
of my own bravado?

How much would it cost? I mean,
to actually dig up pile D-3.

Just for the sake of curiosity.

A great deal more than your bank
account, Lieutenant.

To say nothing of the permits,

...assuming you got permission,
which is doubtful.

Hmmm... probably be a mess wouldn't it?

It's a lot of concrete...

Yeah, sure is.

You really believe that Bo
Williamson...

...met with foul play, don't you?

Astonishing. There's no body,
no proof.

Aside from Goldie's pathetic
attempt at fraud, no motive.

Well, actually there is a motive.

Oh?

Oh, yes. It's in Mr. Williamson's
will.

You see, before I dropped it off at
his wife's house, I stopped by...

...to see my brother-in-law.
He's an attorney.

Nothing big, you understand,
but he's pretty good.

You've been very busy.

Well, it's just part of the job.

Anyway, he tells me there's a very
interesting clause in that will.

It says that if Mr. Williamson dies,

his wife Jennifer doesn't gain
control of the estate.

Is that so?

Yes. Aside from Goldie's 25 percent,
the entire thing goes into a trust.

And the wife, all she gets is the
income from the interest.

How nice for her.

Yes, it's lotta money...

...but it's a lot less than it takes to
finance your city.

You're proving my point,
Lieutenant.

I have no interest in seeing Bo dead.

I want the city built.

Yeah, but if he's dead and
it can't be proved,

...then legally he's considered
alive...

...which means his wife can spend
the money without restrictions.

She can go right ahead and
bankroll your city.

Quite a lawyer, your brother-in-law.

Yeah. The whole family, we're kinda
proud of him.

As long as he's giving you so much
free counsel...

...I hope there's one other point
that he made.

What's that?

A man can be declared legally dead
without a corpus delicti.

But if you really want to make a case
against someone...

...it might help if you found a body.

Yeah, I know.

See, I figure I gotta come up with
something concrete.

I... uh... need some information
about...

Just a minute, please.

Yes.

I want some information.

How do I go about getting
permission to dig up a pile of...

...a building that's already under
construction?

I beg your pardon?

A pile of a building that's
under construction.

I want to dig it up.

Regular size pile?

Yeah...

Ten thousand pounds?

I would think so.

Ah... Section 346-B... Foundations.

Do you know how much a thing like that
would cost?

No. How much?

See 581-D...

Here we are.

What's your connection,
by the way? Contractor, owner?

No, I'm from the police. Lieutenant
Columbo.

Well, you'll have to have a
departmental approval...

...under regulation 613 of the
Municipal Code.

I see... that's...

613?

613.

Now, once you get that, you file your
permits, your requisition slips,

and if the Mayor's office
approves of that, then you're set.

Been to the Structural Engineering
Department?

What for?

Lieutenant, you have to show the
exact foundation to be torn out...

...so we can make our estimates.

Where do I do that?

Room 316. Down the hall.

All right. I'll be right back.

I got 'em.

Good.

Well?

Lunch hour.
Come back at 1 o'clock.

OK!

How long have you been digging
here?

Since about 8 this morning.

And how much is this going to cost?

I don't know.

Inspector? How much is all this
going to cost?

Uhh...

He won't tell you. I'll tell you.

It's gonna cost considerable.

Hi, Lieutenant. You know, you can
still stop it before it's too late.

You know I went to so much trouble
to get the permission...

...I think I'd better go ahead.

Well, that's up to you.

I hope you realize how much work...

...you're causing for a great many
people.

Well, it's a lot more than I expected.
I'll give you that.

You should have dressed for the
occasion.

What?

They're taking a picture.

You're gonna be a celebrity on
the 6 o'clock news.

All right. Come on!
Give me a break, huh?

I wanna apologize for the press.

I didn't realize they were gonna
be here.

I had nothing to do with it. Must've been
a leak down in the department.

No, I invited them.

Hope you don't mind.
I intend to make...

a statement when you're finished.

You do?

Maybe I'll have a statement of
my own.

Well, you're clutching at straws.

Carl. You're keeping a record of
the delay...

...in construction time, aren't you?

Yes, sir.

All right. Fine.

Lieutenant,I want you to know
I admire you.

Really?

You've got the courage of
your conviction.

That's an admirable trait, misdirected
as it may be.

Lieutenant! There you are.

You just stay right there because
I am gonna love you to death.

We could have used you at the Alamo.
You've got guts!

Oh...

Jennifer called and told me
about this.

Then she pulled the covers over
her head...

...which is her way of dealing
with problems.

But I'm here to give you support.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Are you getting a little nervous,
Mr. Markham?

Should I be?

Well, it depends on what's down there.

The usual, Goldie... bedrock and
cement.

Hmmm... I wonder.

So does the Lieutenant.

But he'll have his curiosity
satisfied soon enough.

Mr. Markham. Can I see you a moment,
please?

Don't be intimidated.
I think he's scared.

If this looks all right to you,
can I bring in the crane?

All right. Bring her in, take her up.

What's happening?

Another half an hour.

Another half hour.

Nervous, Lieutenant?

Yeah, a little.

Why not? You're learning
architecture the hard way.

Take her up!

OK, fellas. Let's forget it, huh?

Nothing here, Mr. Markham.
Not even a button.

Well, Lieutenant Columbo?

I guess I was wrong.

I consider that an accurate
statement.

Do you have a moment?
I'd like to talk to you.

Nothing I'd like better.

Mr. Markham, I think I owe you
an apology.

Is that all you have to say?

Not much. Good night.

Carl. Fill up the excavation and
sink another hole.

We'll pour the concrete
in the morning.

Lieutenant, you say you owe me
an apology?

Well, you owe me a great deal more
than that.

There's not a trace of a body.

Not a bit of clothing, not a ring,
nothing.

Now I'm not a police officer, but
the conclusion seems to be obvious.

You didn't find Bo Williamson
because he isn't here and he never was.

Stop gloating.

What's the matter, Goldie?
You should be delighted.

It means that Bo is still alive.

The only one who's suffered here
is the Lieutenant. And me.

Why you?

Well, I've been suspected of m*rder,
my work has been delayed...

my relationship with Bo and Jennifer
has been jeopardized.

Lieutenant, I'm sure you have a lot of
explaining to do to your superiors.

So if you'll forgive me,
I'll be off.

Here, put this on.

I'm sorry, lover.

That's okay, Goldie.

No, it's my fault. I put the bug
in your ear.

They're going to suspend you,
or something?

I don't know.

I'll buy you a drink.
I'll buy us both a drink.

No, that's OK.

Thank you, Goldie, you go ahead.

I owe you one. I'll see you later.

License and registration, please?

That was real nice, sir.

What?

That was a real nice piece of
driving you did back there.

The way you panned it, the way you
pulled it over.

Oh, thank you.

Left front. Could've been hairy.

Yeah, it could've been... well,
there's no real harm done.

Thank you for stopping. I appreciate it.

Open up.

What?

The trunk. You might as well get
your keys,

and I'll help you out with the spare.

Isn't that ridiculous!

What?

My spare... no air. It's useless.

I've been meaning to get it filled,
but you know how it is.

Well, why don't I call a tow truck?
They'll bring out a pump.

Oh, yeah. That's great. Thanks a lot.

Good night now.

Good evening, Mr. Markham.

Bo Williamson?

Ahead of me all the way,
weren't you?

Well, I kinda had a hunch.

You see, you kept trying to finesse me
into digging up that pile.

And I had to ask myself why. I mean,
you're not a dumb man, Mr. Markham.

You wouldn't lead me right to the body.

Then why did you dug it up?

I had to play along, didn't I?

You see, I figured you had the body
somewhere.

But what you really wanted was a fool
proof hiding place.

Now... what's better than a place
that's already been searched...

...at considerable cost and
my embarrassment.

Officer.

No, no. Don't bother.

You will admit it was a clever
idea.

Oh, yeah. It was perfect. Who would
look in the same place twice?

I should have left it where it was.

Mr. Markham, curious about that.
Where was it?

It was in the equipment shed
at his stables.

You never can be sure about
those things.

You know, bodies have a funny way of
surfacing.

No, this was brilliant.

Eventually you would've had a whole
building over the grave.

Yes, brilliant.

It was just that music thing that
bothered me.

Carnegie Hall and Nashville,
they don't mix.

No, no they don't.