02x13 - Any Sport in a Storm

[bunniefuu]

[chirps]

[chuckles] Yeah.
It does look good as new.

And I have no idea
what I'm doing.

[knocks]

"My duties are
keeping me busy.

I entrust you to lead the Coven Heads today.
Consider this a test."

Hmm.

Good.
You're all here.

We can get started.
Hey... [grunts]

Wha... Where are you...
[grunts]

I said wait!
Come back here!

Darius, Eberwolf,
why is everyone leaving?

We're scheduled to have
a recruitment meeting.

[sighs] Good morning to you too,
little prince.

We've decided to reschedule
the meeting.

So go play arts and crafts
or whatever it is you do.

Oh.

Looks like you've already started.
[grunts]

[chuckles]
This is impressively bad.

Wait. Is this
the old Golden Guard sigil?

Of course it is.
And this is no way to treat the emperor's...

Nephew?
I knew your predecessor.

He was my mentor.
One of the strongest witches I've ever known.

But you... Hmm.

But Belos says
I don't need magic to serve the coven.

And I say you don't deserve
to wear that patch.

Wait. What should I do?
How do I earn it?

[groans]
Sweet mother of Titans.

I-I don't know.
Find new recruits for the Emperor's Coven.

The best and the brightest witches
in all the land.

Then, maybe, you can
get this back.

I'll do it.

Of course you will.

You're very good at doing
exactly what you're told.

[title music]

[exhales repeatedly]

[Willow] After years of thinking
I wasn't good enough,

I finally found something
I can be good at.

Something I wanna be good at.

Switching to the Plant Track
was just the beginning.

I'm on my way to becoming
the witch I wanna be.

I can do this!

Right?

Eye of the Liger, girl.
Knock 'em dead.

[clattering]

[screams]
[grunts]

Back, back, back!
[screams]

[growls]

[Luz, Gus groans]

[growls]

Thanks, Willow.

And that's why we try
not to keep our lunches in the lockers.

So... ready for
the club fair, Willow?

Mayhaps you'll join me and Amity
in the Azura Book Club.

- Owie.
- Thanks.

But I'm interested in
something with a little more drama,

flare and face paint.

I'm so excited to hear
the next words out of your mouth.

Flyer Derby!

[commentator] Only Stabitha Jenkins
and Old Gory are left.

Who will win?

And it's Stabitha Jenkins
with the winning flag!

Ever since our Grudgby match,
I've been playing it at home.

Today I'm starting Hexside's
first Flyer Derby team.

Yeah!
Woo-hoo!

[chattering]

[purrs]

Journey with us to a world of magic
unlike any other.

Well, uh,
a bit like this world,

except toned down
for ages six to .

Why isn't anyone interested?

The art doesn't do it
any favors.

Not judging a book by its cover
is a baby rule even babies know.

Plus, you don't read Azura
for the art.

There's so much magic
in the words.

"Twice have I tarried
at Tanabrack.

Yet e'er have I kept my troth
to thee, Azura."

Okay, the prose can
be ornate.

But it's also
the crackling emotions,

the convoluted magic system,
the smell of the pages.

[sniffs, snorts]

Luz! [pants]

I heard that...
[pants]

Spill it, hermosa.

The author of Azura
is having a signing

this afternoon
at the Book Nook.

Huh?

You are much less excited
than I imagined.

Uh, excuse me,
I'm still here.

I'm just confused.
The author is human.

[chuckles] No, she's not.
She's from the Demon Realm.

How do you think
I got my books?

How do you think
I got mine?

Look.
Hey!

[Luz] See. Human.

Can the author
of Azura...

...travel between
realms?

Get off me!

You guys aren't cute!
I still have more friends than you!

Look at all these
potential recruits.

[chirps] Sure. I've never actually
spoken to witches my age.

Teens are probably into
the same things as me.

Like authority
and rules.

Classmate, ignore the fact
that we've never met.

What if I told you all
your dreams could come true?

And you'd just have
to leave your home, friends, and family forever?

[groans]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]
Woo-hoo!

You think these
are cool?

Not as cool
as the Emperor's Coven.

I hear you get
to sleep in till : a. m.

[coughs]

You! How would you like
to rise to the top by joining
the Emperor's Coven?

Eh. Not interested.

You aren't?

I mean, do I wanna study different kinds of magic?
Heck yes!

But why is joining
the Emperor's Coven my only option?

When I get older
I'm gonna give this system a long-overdue update.

What are you
talking about?

[gasps]
[growls]

It's okay, Puddles.
No, he didn't mean it.

[squawks]
No, no, no, no! No, Puddles, no!

Let out your inner flying freak.

Once the Flyer Derby club
is approved,

we'll travel all across the Isles in rocking outfits
and working as a team.

[Hermonculus]
Good luck with that.

[Willow]
Professor Hermonculus.

I'm overseeing club approvals
this year,

and I just don't think
Flyer Derby is worth investing in.

Just because it's not
as well-known as Grudgby doesn't mean...

You misunderstand me.

I'm shutting it down
unless you step down as captain.

I just don't think quitters
make good leaders.

You're just mad
that she dropped your class.

Give her a chance.

Okay.
Put together a team

for a friendly game
of Flyer Derby after school.

If you can lead
your team to victory,

maybe I'll approve
your club.

[sighs]

You can do this,
Willow.

Don't let him
b*at you down.

But Amity and Luz
are busy.

And I don't know where
to find enough decent players this fast.

[Hunter] Calm down, flea-magnet.

[shrieks]
[grunts]

Hey!

[shrieks]

[laughs]

- [shrieks]
- Hey, you!

[gasps, screams, grunts]

Wanna join
my Flyer Derby team?

This is Gus Porter
and I'm Willow Park,

future captain of Hexside's first Flyer Derby team.
[groans]

Nice to, uh, meet you.

Your flying was amazing.

You're a new student,
right?

Yeah, weird we've never
seen you around.

What's your name?

Uh...
[chirps]

Caleb? Uh... Caleb!
Uh, Jasper Bloodwilliams.

I just transferred
from... uh...

The Toes?

But I'm not here to play Fly Dooby,
or whatever that is.

I have my own mission.

Okay. At least
take a pamphlet.

Wait. Do you really think your club will attract
the best and the brightest?

Absolutely! Flyer Derby's
not for the faint witch.

Then maybe I will
give it a try.

Really?
But, okay...

How do we evaluate
others?

A Witch's Duel?
A maze full of traps?

Oh! Leave everyone
at the top of the mountain

and see who makes it back
to the bottom alive.

[chuckles] Classic.

Um, we might not
have time for all that,

but you can help by attracting people
with your sick sky skills.

Hmm.
I don't feel sick.

Hey, I don't know
what kinda mission you're on,

but it's been a tough year
for Willow.

And she's really
looking forward to making this team a thing.

Don't mess this up
for her.

[Luz] I can't believe we never uncovered
this mystery before.

I always thought Mildred Featherwhyle sounded too
delightful to be a real name.

Do you think she has
her own portal?

[gasps] Do you think she's related
to that human guy? Philip?

What if the author is Eda?
She's been keeping it a secret this whole time

because she's embarrassed by
all the spelling errors.

Okay, these theories
are a little unrealistic.

It's obviously
your mother as a teenager,

sent forward in time
to train you in the ways of witchcraft.

Whatever it is,
we're gonna find out soon.

[gasps]

[sobs]

Students of Hexside,

got a Palisman, got a need for thrills,
chills, and theatrics?

Well,
this could be you.

[all gasp]

- Man, this Caleb guy is great.
- [all cheer]

With him, I think we can really
get our Derby team approved.

This girl will be a perfect candidate
for the Emperor's Coven.

If there are more witches
like her, we're set.

[Willow]
Hey, come on down!

Allow me to introduce you
to the best

and the brightest of Hexside.

Look, Puddles,
it's the friend you made before.

[squawks]
No, no. Do not claw Mommy's face!

Hmm. [grunts]

Let's try this
one more time.

[screaming]

[grunts]

Just a few months ago,

I'd be considered
the weak link on any team,

but now I'm leading one.

Ooh! Okay, girl, don't let the power
get to your head just yet.

Hmm?

Caleb?

[purrs]

Where are you going?
The field is this-a-way.

You said you'd find
the best witches for this team.

But them?
They're pathetic.

You just met them.

Give them a chance.

Well, where I come from,
even chances have to be earned.

Especially if you're considered
half-a-witch like me.

Sorry, Captain.
Good luck with your match.

[grunts] Huh?

[grunting]

[screams, grunts] Huh?

Sorry, I was distracted earlier.

I've been playing
Grudgby for so long

I needed to catch up on the latest
Flyer Derby strats.

[Hunter]
Those look... complicated.

They are.

Whew! Okay, finally.
Got Puddles down for her nap.

Now I'm only scarred emotionally.

I thought you couldn't fly?

So I can't fly like everyone else,
but my way's more fun.

[chirps]

Oh. That's, uh, cool.
I guess.

Oh, what was that?
I said it was cool!

Gus is a natural speed demon,
Skara's a strategic wizard,

and Viney's the best healer
in school.

And at one point or another,
we've all been misjudged.

So, still think we're pathetic?

Good. Let's get
our game faces on.

[sighs]
What do we do now, Amity?

I don't know.

I've never found
another store that sold those books.

We were so close.

[clattering]

[grunts]

I think that's her.
That's the author!

Mildred... Ow...
Featherwhyle?

Hmm. [grunting]

[grunts] Follow her!

Call Darius.

[caws]

[shrieks]
[gasps]

Darius, it's me.

What the?
How did you get this number?

Doesn't matter. I've found some
incredible recruits at Hexside.

I'm earning my place,
just like you told me.

[groans]
Of course you are.

I just wanted you
to leave me alone.

- What was that?
- [Willow] Caleb?

Waiting on you, buddy.

I got to go,
but you'll meet them soon.

Thanks for asking me
to join, guys!

I think we're gonna have a...

- [gasps]
- Jerbo? Traitor.

...fun afternoon.

All you got to do
is fly high and snag some flags.

Let's see
what you can do, Captain.

Gus, that was amazing!

[chuckles]

[screams]

[groans, grunts]

She's right there!
Can't you see?

Boo.

[gasps]

Whoa!

Oops.
My hand slipped.

[groans]

Go, go, go!
[grunts]

[grunts]

[all cheering]

May I please have
your team name?

sh**t.
We never thought of a name.

The Emerald Entrails.

You know,
because we're green,

and there's more to us
than you think.

[all] Entrails! Entrails!

Entrails team photo.
We're number one!

[shutter clicks]

I can't believe
I almost bailed on you guys.

Today was amazing.
Thanks for giving me another sh*t.

Always nice making a new friend.
I had an opening for one.

[gasps]

We wouldn't have gotten
here without you.

Yeah, I shouldn't have
been so suspicious.

[scoffs] We can forget all about that
when we play next time

as a part of
the Emperor's Coven.

The what?

My name isn't Caleb.
It's Hunter.

And I'm the Emperor's right-hand man.
The Golden Guard.

[chuckles]
You can't be serious?

You're not the one
Luz told us about, right?

Yes, I am.

[chirping]

Yeah, this would usually
look cooler with the cloak,

but I don't have it at the moment.
Long story.

[all gasp]

Whoa there, scouts.
I didn't give you orders to come here.

Darius sent us to collect
your recruits.

Ah, okay. Very good.

Then there won't be
any delay in branding you with coven sigils

and taking you away from your
friends and family forever. Hooray!

[sobs]

Okay, listen. I'm sorry about
this whole cell thing,

but did you really have
to punch Steve, Skara?

I get it.
Emotions are running high.

Ice pack for Steve.

Well, I don't get it.
You're joining the best coven there is.

You can keep all your magic,
you get free room and board,

you can even play Flyer Derby
on your day off.

Well, this year's day
has already passed,

but next year's
is only weeks away.

We don't care.
None of us want this.

You will eventually.
Trust me. I'm your friend now.

Friends don't s*ab
each other in the back.

Sure they do. The Coven Heads do it
all the time back at the castle.

Captain,
you're on my side, right?

I thought I could be good at this.

But we're here
because I made a bad call.

I'm just half-a-witch Willow.

[all scream]

[all scream, grunt]

Darius, I did it!
I found recruits.

Yep, and you're
making me work on my day off.

Take this and quit bugging me.

[Hunter]
I can wear this proudly now.

Right?

Can you?

See you at the castle,
Golden Guard.

I do not envy
those kids, man.

They just have to go through basic training
before becoming scouts.

It's not too bad.
Dude, do you even remember what we had to do?

The duels,
the mazes with the traps,

that time we were left alone
on a mountain?

[chuckles] Classic.

And of course Belos likes
to collect everyone's Palismen.

[sniffs, sighs]

[grunts] Steve is beginning
to regret his choices.

I think Hunter is too.

[groans]

[groans]

Maybe it's Kikimora.

And her only way
to express herself is through fiction.

Maybe it's another
shape-shifting basilisk

trying to write their story
through metaphor.

[pants, grunting]

Aw, wats.

Tinella Nosa?

She's had a name
this whole time?

Sorry, boss.

The jig is up.
[gasps]

Tibbles?

Edited a few more
of those author photos, boss.

Some of my finest work.

[gasps] Luz?
[groans]

Mattholomule!

Oh, calm down.

Human garbage
is constantly leaking into our water.

And about a year ago I found this
box of books washed up on the shore.

I've been trying
to make a snail off it ever since.

But no one's buying.

Wait.
I'm still getting paid for this, right?

Not now, kid.

According to the owner
of the Book Nook,

he's only ever had
one customer purchase from this series.

I didn't know.
I swear.

This is the worst scam
I've ever run.

So the author
is human after all.

[chuckling] Oh.

Were you expecting
some dramatic discovery?

[laughs, screams]

[sighs]

[groans] Mute.

- [Darius] Nope.
- [gasps]

- [Darius] Nuh-uh.
- [screams]

You're gonna need to be
a little more clever than that.

Darius.

Now!

[groans]

[gasps]

An illusion?

Land the ship.

[Darius] Wait!

Did you really think you could get away with
endangering a Coven Head?

Do you have any idea
what I'm capable of?

Wait!

Out of my way,
little prince.

No!
I was mistaken.

These four
are insolent agitators

who aren't fit
for the Emperor's Coven.

And I'm unfit to wear the sigil
of the Golden Guard.

You can go.

Please, Captain.

Let's move, team.
We need to find a replacement.

After all, it'll be weeks
before Caleb's next day off.

You befriended them?

And then you disobeyed me
to protect them?

[chirps]

[Darius] I'm impressed.

I had you all wrong.

Huh?
You're what? Sixteen?

It's about time you made connections
outside the castle.

[gasps]

I was just gonna drop them off
at Hexside.

We have more
than enough recruits, in my opinion.

Are you gonna tell
Belos about this?

Are you gonna tell him
about your secret Palisman?

[gasps]
[chirps]

Magic or not, I think you'll make
your predecessors proud.

But you could still use
a sewing lesson.

So, are you upset?

Nah. Azura's author
may be a human, but I'm human too.

Sometimes it's nice to be reminded
that you don't need to be

a powerful ancient witch
to make something special.

Well, I had fun
coming up with those theories.

They were like
our own stories.

[gasps] What if the Azura Book Club
was also a writing club?

What would be
our first writing prompt?

Hmm. How about the mystery of...
[gasps]

What they were up to
all night?

Did he just make
an account?

Wow. He is
a slow typer.

[chuckles]
He's worse than my dad.

Oh.
Hey, guys.

I am really digging those outfits.
[chuckles]

So, how was the rest of school?
Did we miss anything?

Just had our first team win
as the Emerald Entrails.

Ooh!
Let me see! Let me see!

- [both gasp] What?
- [crows caw]