02x12 - S'No Relative

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Jetsons". Aired: September 23, 1962 – March 17, 1963.*
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Cartoon show features the Jetson family living in a utopian future where people live in housing in the sky, work a three-day workweek, drive aerocars that look like flying saucers and have incredible conveniences that leave them with plenty of leisure time.
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02x12 - S'No Relative

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme music]

[music continues]

Meet George Jetson

His boy Elroy

Daughter Judy

Jane his wife

[music continues]

[theme music]

[sawing]

[plop]
[thud]

(Dr. Input)
'Well, Lowbeam.'

How does it feel to stand
on the threshold

of a historic
scientific discovery

of intergalactic proportions?

So, what's the big deal
about a block of ice, Dr. Input?

(Dr. Input)
'No, no, no, not the ice
but the contents.'

'Look at it closely.'

It's an absolutely
astonishing discovery.

Why, this could put us
right up there

with Darvin, Einstein,
and other luminaries

in the parade
of scientific stardom.

So, what's in
the ice block, Doc?

(Dr. Input)
'But, that's just it,
we don't know.'

'This creature may have been
frozen like this for centuries.'

The mystery will be solved
by Professor Ozone.

The museum's
foremost know-it-all.

So, we must keep this discovery

from premature exposure
to the media.

'Now remember, Lowbeam.
No leaks!'

(Dr. Input)
'That thing is going to change
our lives forever, Lowbeam.'

Why, our names
will be household words.

No more boring trips to remote
excavation sites for us.

'Our careers will soon
blast off to new highs.'

whoosh

Hey! Give me a chance to hook up
my seat belt, will ya'?

splat

Ooh!

(Dr. Input)
'Oh, sorry, Lowbeam.'

I'm just in a hurry to return
our iceman to the museum.

Oh, it's all so over whelming.

'I hope you're prepared
for instant fame and wealth.'

[loud instrumental music]

There's only thing I hate more

than teenage
rock n' roll music.

boing

Teenagers who play
rock n' roll music.

boing

I don't even know
what kids get out of it.

Maybe it's some kind
of shock therapy.

Judy, may I have
a word with you?

[loud music]

Hi, dad, isn't this music
a k*ller?

My thoughts exactly.

Listen, spare me
the Lunar Rock, will you?

But that wasn't Lunar Rock.

Oh, my mistake.

This is Lunar Rock.

[loud music]

thud

Notice the difference, dad?

Not with two busted ear drums.

Oh, George, can you come here?

What's up?

Judy, I need you here too.

'I want everyone here.'

[loud music]

(Judy)
'Be right with you, mom.'

Did you recognize
that music, dad?

Oh, yes, Stravinsky,
I believe.

Opus in C minor.

Or was it the Strauss Lullaby?

Elroy, are you available
for a family meeting?

Sure, mom.
Uh, I'm just finishing

up with my transcendental
levitation.

(George)
Okay, Jane,
the g*ng's all here.

What's the big gathering
all about?

I have some
big exciting news.

There's no school tomorrow?

You're raising my allowance?

Your mother is moving to Mars?

Oh, really, George.

Mother-in-law jokes went out
in the 21st century.

Do you all remember
Uncle Lunar and Aunt Tenna

from Outer Moongolia?

You mean, the loonies
from the boonies?

Aren't they a little short
of a full deck?

Whacko is more like it.

Oh, don't tell me
they're comin' for a visit.

No, but you're close.
Their son Hunky is coming.

It's his first trip to Earth.

So, we must be tolerant
of his alien lifestyle.

He's just a teenager
and he's family.

So, he should be treated
with dignity and respect.

Well, he's not gettin' into
my computer's database.

Those Moonies are loonies.

He's probably heavy
into that wall-to-wall

roaring room rock music.

If he is, I'll be into
heavy psychotherapy.

(Dr. Input)
'Oh ho ho!'

'I can hardly wait till when
Professor Ozone'

'sees what we have brought'

'to the Spaceonian Museum
collection, ha ha.'

Oh, he'll be so excited
and pleased.

'I can hear him now.'

You blundering,
incompetent

inept, irresponsible idiots.

B-b-but Professor Ozone.

We thought we had
a rare scientific find.

Not me, I'm innocent.

I'm afraid, you have made
a serious mistake, Dr. Input.

What you have done
is, in effect, kidnap a citizen

from the southern frozen planet
of Polaris.

'You missed the planet
you were sent to explore'

'by ten light-years.'

You must return that alien
immediately, if not sooner.

If the Solarians discover this

the museum's impeccable
reputation will be ruined.

Uh, ye-ye-yes,
I understand, sir.

We'll have the alien back

before the Solarians
even know he's missing.

Ugh!
Ugh!

'Ugh!'

(Dr. Input)
'Come on, Lowbeam,
we're in a hurry.'

splat

splat

We could've been k*lled.

O-o-or even worse.

smash

I'm afraid the iceman is loose
out in society, professor.

(Professor Ozone)
'Lose that iceman, Input,
and you lose your job.'

Ugh! What an ignoble way
to end a career.

phoof

plop

Get on with it,
you incorrigible blunderers.

Small wonder
we scientists go mad.

Better alert the media,
Lowbeam.

We may need their help.

(Lowbeam)
'I'll keep them informed,
Doctor.'

'But what happens
if the ice melts'

and this ice guy
turns out to be

a not so nice guy
and starts a panic?

There's an old saying
in scientific circles.

"Nobody knows"!

He's gone!

We lost him in the crowd
of beepers over downtown.

(Lowbeam)
'When we last saw him, he was
slidin' towards the Moon Mall.'

(Dr. Input)
'Right, we'll pick up
his signal there.'

pew

Taxi!

To the Orbit City Health Club,
and hurry.

Okay, but fast is extra, Mister.

boing

screech

With the hyper thrust,
that's 50 bucks.

Hey, 50 bucks, pal. I'm not
runnin' a charity, you know.

It's guys like this that throw

the entire economy
into a recession.

beep beep

poing poing

boing

(Judy)
'When is cousin Hunky
coming, mom?'

(Jane)
'Any minute, Judy.'

If he doesn't get here soon,
he's gonna miss a terrific

Moongolian barbecue
steak dinner.

(Jane)
'Actually, I'm dying to meet
young Hunky.'

'And since it's his first visit
to Earth'

'we must help him adjust
and fit in.'

As long as he doesn't
show up with a set of drums

and a guitar and an entourage.

Well, I hope I'm not expected
to fix him up

with one of my girlfriends.

Those Moongolians are weird.

And I can't have him hangin'
out with my crowd either.

They're kinda straight.

Maybe he can hang out
with Astro and Orbity.

They're a little offline too.

bang

What's that?

Someone at the back door?

Perhaps it's your cousin Hunky.
Now, now remember your manners.

'We must set a good example
for cousin Hunky.'

Uh-Oh.

Hunky Moonrock, I presume?

[gibberish]

Hey, he's here everybody.

Hello, Hunky.
I'm, Uncle George.

[gibberish]

Likewise I'm sure.

crash

[gibberish]

Hi, Hunky.
I'm cousin Elroy.

And I'm cousin Judy, Hunky.

Wow!

[whistling]

[gibberish]

Welcome to Earth, Hunky.

I'm your Aunt Jane.

[gibberish]

We were just sitting
down to dinner.

I'll get you an appetizer.

Give me five, Hunky.

woosh woosh woosh

Hey! Wow!

What a super cool handshake.

[gibberish]

Fortunately, we live
above a psychiatrist

with a safety net
outside his window.

I just know I'm gonna have
trouble with this Hunky kid.

So, Hunky, what's happening
on the Moongolian teen scene?

woosh woosh woosh

Wow!

That's a totally outer spacious
high five, Hunky.

[gibberish]

[giggling]

It's Rosie's day off,
but she left us some

chocolate micro-chip cookies.

Wow!

[gibberish]

You're welcome.

I just love
his Moongolian accent.

[gibberish]

chomp

You must be
on a special iron diet.

Ah.

burp

Sorry.

Hey, Hunky.
Let's go into my room

and I'll run a few high-sci
computer programs by ya.

Oh, you're the max, Hunky.

You're totally spacial.

I'd like to turn you on to some
radically cosmic rock, too.

This is wonderful, George.

The kids just adore
cousin Hunky.

That's because he hasn't thrown
them off the balcony yet.

Oh, he's just
a bit misunderstood.

That's what they said
about Attila the Space Hun.

thud

(Elroy)
'Hey, uh, here's Astro.
Come here boy.'

Meet our cousin Hunky, Astro.
And this is our dog, Astro.

Pleased to meet you.

Yaaee!

Isn't he a total
cr*ck up, Astro?

Yeah.

Terrific.

Ooh, mom and dad.

Cousin Hunky is in a whole
separate reality orbit.

I must call my girlfriends.

She oughta be callin'
the psycho squad.

I have to upgrade
my views on Moongolians.

Meet Orbity, Hunky.
He's our resident alien.

Hello, Hunky.

But he's family.

[gibberish]

[gibberish]

slurp

Mmmm.

I'll let you two interrelate

while I go snare
a solar snack.

[Orbity screaming]

[gibberish]

Woo! I'm sorry.

Really, Rocketta, you won't
believe what a hunk he is.

He's adorably radical.

Ooh! Sounds like my kinda guy.

I'd love to interface
with him, Judy.

Where's his head at?

Like, on a personality level.

Well, he's kind of off-the-wall.

crash

[gibberish]

Make that totally off the wall.

Got ya, catch ya later, bye.

[giggles]

This kid has a very
aggressive lifestyle.

Does our insurance cover
destructive nephews

from another planet?

Yes dear, but only
every other leap year.

Now, calm down, George.

Relax and watch
the evening news.

[muttering]

Watch other peoples'
problems for a change.

Still no word yet
on that missing iceman

mistakenly removed
from the frozen planet Polaris

and then lost by a Spaceonian
Museum research team.

You see, George,
everyone has problems.

Somehow that doesn't
make me feel any better.

A frozen ice block containing
the man is loose in the city

and the public is being asked
to help with any information

about the lost iceman.

I got enough troubles
without having to look

for some ice guy
from another planet.

Hey mom, dad,
we're cruising up

to the Moon Mall to pick up
some new wave clothes for Hunky.

Stay as long as you like,
we could use a breather.

I'm outta here, bye.

[gibberish]

[giggles]

Isn't cousin Hunky a trip?

Yeah, a trip to the loony zoo.

Bye, Judy.

Later, folks.

Now, remember, George.

I know, he's family.


[gibberish]

You hungry again. Hunky?

Wow! He has the appetite
of a space horse.

Yeah!
And he eats only unnatural food.

Hey, there's something
you'll like cousin.

(Elroy)
"Polaris Snow Cones"

'They're terrific.'

[gibberish]

whoosh

Wow! He responded heavily
to those snow cones.

screech

(Elroy)
'He must get a lot at home.'

Oh! He's totally into that.

A heavy metal diet.

Hope you kids come
from a rich family

'cause that sign costs plenty.

Uh, we're not rich, but
we have our mom's credit card.

(salesman)
'Ha ha ha ha.
That's close enough.'

(man over PA)
'Scientists searching
for the missing iceman'

'have narrowed the search
down to the Moon Mall.'

'We'll keep you informed
of further developments.'

That's him, Lowbeam,
the iceman.

I would know his bleep anywhere.

We're back in the chase again.

swoosh

(Lowbeam)
'How will we know which person
is the iceman, doc?'

Elementary, my dear Lowbeam.

He'll be the only one
wearing a beeping beanie.

Hold that pose, Hunky.

[zapping]

Wow, Hunky, those clothes
give a whole new meaning

to the words, "Far out."

Oh! Titanium ties
and Jupiter jumpsuits

are the latest
in intergalactic teen wear.

Come on, Hunky,
let's hit it for home.

[gibberish]

There he is, Lowbeam,
our missing iceman.

'We found him at last.'

Quick, quick, quick,
bring the car around

while I escort our iceman
back into custody.

[gibberish]

Now, just relax please,
uh you're coming with us.

I-it's for your own good.

Eh, not to mention,
my own well being

eh, career
and mental health.

Let's get a publicity still,
Lowbeam.

Say, Moon cheese.

flash

Excellent.
Now, let's get moving.

[gibberish]

smash

Come on, Hunky,
we're heading home.

swoosh

Follow those kids, Lowbeam.

They are in grave danger.

[gibberish]

You said it, Hunky.

Yeah, you really
have a way with words.

swoosh

Oh, those kids don't realize
what they are playing with.

swoosh

If he threw you
through the windshield

there's no telling
what he'll do next.

It is our duty
to inform their parents

before this thing
gets out of hand.

Besides, harboring an alien
is a global offence.

Uh, good day, sir.

I'm Dr. Input
of the Spaceonian Museum.

[gibberish]

Uh-oh, wrong fellow.

swoosh

crash

I don't think the car can handle
much more of this abuse, Doc.

Oh, thank you
for your deep concern.

(man on TV)
'We have more on that
missing iceman story.'

Two members of the search team
have apparently traced

the creature to
the Sky Pad apartment complex.

Hey, that's getting
close to home.

I hope that thing
doesn't show up here.

[loud rock music]

I've had enough
of this musical depreciation.

[music continues]

Oh! He's the most
incredible dancer, dad.

He's beyond reality.

You'll get no argument
from me on that.

[door bell ringing]
Now what?

Hey, Hunky,
answer the door, will you?

Couldn't you just keep
the music down to a low roar

say, below a hundred decibels?

This is it, Lowbeam.

You hit him low
and I'll hit him high.

[gibberish]

[gibberish]

[laughing]

He certainly has
a grim sense of humor.

I'm afraid a new approach
is necessary, Lowbeam.

This time, it's no more
Mr. Nice Guy with Mr. Ice Guy.

Who's at the door, Hunky?

[gibberish]

Huh, kids today speak
their own kinda language.

[door bell ringing]

Maybe, I should install
a revolving door.

Now, the moment he steps
outside that door, he's ours.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

Negativism adds nothing
to the solution, Lowbeam.

Okay, what's going on,
who rang the..

[zapping]

Got him!

If this is a hold up,
I'm broke.

Uh-oh, ooh,
there's been a mistake.

Lucky for you, I'm tied up.
Or you'd be thrashed.

I'm a black belt karate expert.

Ooh, please,
please forgive me.

If you'll untie me I'll give
it serious consideration.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You see, we are from
the Spaceonian Museum.

woosh woosh woosh

And we mistook you
for the missing iceman.

Look, I may be a cool guy,
But I'm no iceman.

But I've traced the real iceman
to your very door.

- 'This is a recent photo.'
- That's no iceman either.

That's my weirdo nephew
from Moongolia.

You don't
have to take my word for it.

Just look,
it's all over the news.

Your so called nephew
is actually the missing iceman.

The imminent return
of the lost iceman

is expected at any moment.

This is hard to believe.

Cousin Hunky, the iceman?

The iceman will,
when found, be returned

'to his native planet
for a reunion with his parents.'

[gibberish]

He recognizes his parents.
Incredible.

And if they wake up
and find him gone

it's space wars of the century.

Come on, fella, you're going
home to mama und papa.

[gibberish]

swoosh

Ooh, I just love
happy endings.

Especially when
my career is involved.

I just can't believe it.

Hunky isn't really
our relative?

Relatively speaking, no.

No more Hunky?

Mmmm mmm.

Whew.

So long, folks.

(Judy)
'Bye, Hunky.'

(Elroy)
So long, boy.

Bye, Hunky.

Bye bye, Hunky.

[gibberish]

swoosh

I'm sure gonna miss those great
conversations with him.

Mom, where do you suppose
the real Hunky is?

(Both)
The real Hunky!

[drum b*at]

Okay, everybody!

Whoo! Here's Hunky!

I'm here to turn you on
to the spaciest music

'since the year 2000.'

I'm beginning to miss
the old Hunky already.

How long are you
planning to stay, cousin Hunky?

Just until I'm king
of the rocket roll music world.

Rappa-Dooba
heavy duty

Gonna rock ya to the moony

Rappa-Dooby
Yeah

I'll tune you onto some more
radical stuff

'soon as you put away
my luggage.'

'The rest of my entourage,
will be in later.'

E-e-entourage?

Now, just relax, George.

And now for my next
incredible number.

"Rock It to Me Lady Looney,
Part 1"

Ooh! That song is a real
chart buster.

I love it!

I was afraid she'd say that.

Being exposed to new music
can't hurt, George.

I've been hurtin' for years.

(Hunky)
'Hit it!'

She was a rad new cat
from some dimension

And I couldn't pass on that
lively cat

Rocket to me yeah
Rock it baby yeah

Rocket to me yeah

Rocket to me
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

(George)
'Janie, would you get
Aunt Tenna on the line?'

'Please?'

[theme music]
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