01x12 - Ava vs. Superintendent

[bunniefuu]

- ♪♪
- ["AMAZING GRACE" PLAYS]

♪♪

Ms. Teagues, are you chewing gum?

Yeah.

Where does gum go
when you enter this classroom?

CHILDREN: Wanda the Waste Basket!

Okay. All right, come on,

my future little Odd Futures.

Time to go back to our classroom.

♪♪

Uh, come on, guys.

You'll see Ms. Davis next week.

[SIGHS] Hey, guys.

I know music class is fun,

but that's why we have to let
someone else have a turn.

♪♪

All right, guys, you know what?

Don't make me collect the recorders,

'cause if I collect them,

who knows when
you're gonna see them again.

[MUSIC STOPS]

♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪

♪ I once was lost ♪

[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]

[SIGHS] So sorry I'm late.

Oh, glad you guys started without me.

We weren't waiting.

This isn't a restaurant.

Uh, why are you late?
Is everything okay?

Yeah, everything's fine.

The kids just love Ms. Davis' class,

so it takes a while to get them back,

and then everything runs a little late.

You know, normally,
I'd be bothered by my kids

being obsessed with
another teacher, but I get it.

- My class? Also Davis devotees.
- Mm.

Only way she could be cooler is
if she were related to Angela.

Not that I think
all black people are related.

Well, maybe you do.

Maybe that was
your subconscious speaking.

What would Angela Davis think?

Well, my suggestion to all of you

is to enjoy your free periods
while you can.

Because music class
will be going bye-bye-bye

like Blackstreet Boyz II Men.

Mm, mnh, no. Wrong in like three ways.

Whoa. What's happening to music class?

Well, the school pays
for the music class

out of discretionary funds.

And since Ava lost her dirt
on Superintendent Collins

when he married the goomah,

there's no way
he's gonna fork over the cash

like he has for the last three years.

No more of the glitz and glam
you lot have become used to.

It's gonna go right back
to the lean years.

- [HANDLE CRACKS]
- Mm-hmm.

Then what are these?

There has to be a way to
convince Superintendent Collins

that we still need
that discretionary money.

Well, all the principals have to
present their cases for funding

to the school board
at the end of the week.

How do you always know this stuff?

I told you all this many times...

I trained to be a principal.

- Mm, it's not ringing a bell.
- Mm.

I interned at the Baltimore
School Board for two summers.

I got my Master's
in Educational Leadership,

and I went through a program
specifically meant

to encourage young black men
to become principals.

So do I think that Ava can learn

everything that
she needs to know by Friday?

No.

Out of curiosity, what was her
presentation like last year?

She played a chopped and screwed
version of Tom Cruise saying,

"Show me the money," on repeat.

And no one asked any questions
when that worked?

I'm sure she is preparing,

given the circumstances have changed.

"They keep telling me
I've aged out of 'The Bachelor, '

so that's why I need to borrow
your birth certificate, Ava,

exclamation mark. [CELLPHONE BEEPS]

Even in a world
where Ava could put together

- a competent presentation...
- Mm-hmm.

...it still does not change the fact

that the Superintendent can't stand her

and, by extension, us.

The nerve on that guy.

Yeah, well, maybe this will be the year

where the school board finally awards me

that Advancement Grant
that I have been applying to

for years.

They will if we make them.

Just like a little...
gentle arm-twisting.

A little arm twist never hurt.

[GASPS] This is so exciting. Oh, my God.

I'm gonna go to the mall
right after school

and get a new shakedown sweater.

Do I even wanna know?

I don't know. Do you?

You know you have a presentation

to the school board coming up, right?

Yeah, I do it annually.

Right, but you're ready for
the one this year?

This girl doesn't know
what "annually" means.

No, I know what it means.

It's just that this time
is a little different.

Yeah, my job is on the line.

More importantly, discretionary
funds for the entire school.

Yeah, but those two things
kinda go hand in hand

- if you really think about it.
- Great.

- So you're taking it seriously, then.
- As a heart att*ck.

I haven't watched "Love
After Lockup" in like a month.

Free Puppy.

Can I see the presentation?

You don't have a lawyer, do you?

No. Oh, not unless you count that guy

that represented me in that hit and run.

I was clipped by a delirious jogger.

Then I'll show you
the presentation tomorrow.

There's a lot of proprietary
technology involved.

Sign this NDA

and bring it back in the morning.

Don't look at them.
They've already signed.

Oh. Okay.

I found a connection
at the school board.

Ooh, you got a guy there?

No, you do.

Delisha Sloss. She goes to your church.

My guy says she's on the finance
committee or something.

I know her.

One of our shadier members. Mm-hmm.

But God's light finds even the shadows.

Yeah, she's up to something.

Being able to spot opps
runs in the family.

That's how we Schemmentis got
so successful in... business.

I don't think so.

Oh, come on! It's an easy squeeze.

She's been skimming cash
off the top for years.

It's not that I can't handle it.

It's just that...

I'm not used to playing in the mud.

I leave that to people like you.

People like me, huh?

Your signed NDA.

- That's a cute shirt.
- Oh, thank you.

I got it from Old Navy.

It would look much better on me.

- You know what? Give it to me.
- No. What?

Look, can we just start already?

I wanna finish this before
the kids get here at : ...

... : .

This presentation
is about to blow your mind.

Let's get started. Ava , Ava .

[MOTORS WHIRRING]

Oh! What?!

[MOTORS WHIRRING]

What the hell?

- Success.
- Greatness.

Passion.

And what do all those words
have in common?

Ava Coleman.

So, in conclusion, a school
with such an amazing leader

is an obvious choice
for discretionary funds.

And what school is that?

A.

- B.
- B.

- Okay.
- O.

- That's enough.
- T.

L. Janine, you're
throwing off my timing.

- E.
- Enough.

M... M... M... M... M... M...

- What?
- You couldn't let me finish?

- No...
- [THUD]

Ow!

So, what do you think?

I think...

I don't think this is what
the school board is looking for.

[SIGHS] Dammit!

I knew it.

[SIGHS] I thought I could just hit 'em

with the ol' razzle dazzle.

These are the parts about being
a principal that I'm not good at.

Interesting. What parts
would you say you are good at?

This isn't the time for jokes, Janine.

This is the first time in
my life that I won't be able to

charisma my way out of the situation.

This is the first job
that I've liked in my life.

I don't wanna lose it.

Okay. Well, what if we find
a way to combine your charisma

with what the school board
is actually looking for?

That's the point... I don't know.

I'm not some nerd,

got somebody showing me
the ropes and giving me advice

and putting up
with my near-constant hijinks.

Okay. You're right.

We need to find someone who knows

what presentations like this
should look like.

I know how you feel about Ava

and the whole principal situation,

but this is for the kids.

It feels like it's for Ava.

Yeah. But it'd be for all of us, too.

I mean, say they fire Ava. Then what?

They bring in
some micromanaging control freak

who won't let us do our jobs?

Yeah, we wouldn't want that.

Look, I know she may not be
our best option,

but she certainly isn't the worst.

Fine. But if she refers to me
as a food item, I'm out.

Great. Meet me in the library at lunch.

[P.A. BEEPS] AVA: Did he say yes?

'Cause otherwise, I found a livestream

of some other school board's
presentation that might help.

Never mind. It's an "SNL" skit.

Since I've been here,
Ava's biggest improvements

to the school include renaming
the Wi-Fi network

"Bad b*tches Only"

and using field-trip money
to put -inch rims

on one of the buses.

Is it how I'd do the job? No.

But the school does deserve
to have this money.

Very good.

Oh, I like that.

MELISSA: Repo's here.

Hey, Melissa.

You need something?

Yeah, I'm just here to repo this rug

since you got it from a mud person.

Wait.

Is this because
I won't extort a church member?

You are overreacting.

No, I'm just trying to protect you.

I wouldn't want you involved in
any of my immoral activities.

You need some help?

Nah, I got it.

Okay. So, she should start
by showing them

our student retention rates.

They've been steady since the appeal

for a student recount was filed.

Yes, Ava counted twins as one student

because she said they share
the same soul.

That's true. And this is so boring!

And I don't like this shift

in the power dynamic
where you're in charge.

You've never been less attractive.

Look, we have to build a case

to get the discretionary funding
with data and facts.

Well, then this is pointless.

I've spent my whole life
avoiding those two things.

Look, what if we just write down
exactly what she needs to say,

and then she can just read it?

I wish I could just read something,

but this superintendent
is out to get me.

He's gonna be throwing curves
like that lady gym.

Okay. Then we have to keep trying.

This is our only option.

Unless you want to catch
Superintendent Collins

cheating again.

Yes! Let's focus on that.

That's got to be easier.

Maybe the best thing for
the school in the long run

is for her to fail
and they get a new principal.

Not necessarily me. Just a new one.

Who... is like me.

And that is one of the many ways
that "My Octopus Teacher"

made me, well, believe in love again.

Is everything okay?

The only time I saw you two sit apart

is when Melissa said you should
put sugar on grits.

There's nothing to talk about.

Yeah, 'cause it's very straightforward.

We're under att*ck, and she's
got her head buried in the sand.

Better the sand than the mud.

Okay. You refusing to cooperate

doesn't stop bad things from happening.

We should be using
people doing bad stuff

to do good stuff for our kids.

Mm. "The only thing necessary
for the triumph of evil

is for good men to do nothing."

You know, usually when
you quote stuff, it's annoying

and I want you to shut up,
but in this case, very relevant.

Oh, thank you. I have another.

- No, you don't.
- No, I don't.

What are y'all doing here?

You didn't think we would give
up that easy, did you?

That's exactly what I thought.

I'm genuinely surprised to see you.

Okay. So, you know how your presentation

used those robotablets?

My assistants, yes.

Well, what if we were your assistants?

That way, we can handle
all the data and graphs,

and you can handle the showmanship.

I love it!

This is like a group project at school

where I bring the energy,
and you guys bring

whatever doesn't require a personality.

This is a good idea.

Okay. I know you said that you're okay,

but I can tell that you're not by
the way that you're gardening.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Ooh!

Oh, J-J-Jacob, I'm sorry.

I'm... I'm... I'm fine, really.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, I'm good.

Oh.

I know we need the money.

And I have applied for
that Advancement Grant

for years now.

I just don't want to compromise
my morals to get it.

Look, while I admire that you've
applied years in a row,

have you heard that saying

about the definition of insanity?

Have you ever heard the saying

that I will pop you upside your head

if you imply that I am insane?

- I'm just saying...
- [GRUMBLES]

...you did something
you wouldn't normally do

by starting this garden with me.

That didn't turn out so bad, huh?

- Hey.
- Thought I was early.

You are. I'm just earlier.

Ava here yet?

She's probably somewhere
doing power poses.

Actually, it's been a minute.

Let me check and make sure
she hasn't bolted.

Mm-hmm.

Gregory Eddie, right?

Yeah.

It's good to see you again.

You know, I'm sorry I couldn't
hire you as principal, but...

my hands were tied.

- To the bed?
- Pardon?

Nothing.

Look, if you're still interested
in being principal,

I think maybe some positions
might be opening up,

even at Abbott.

So...

if you're interested...

e-mail me.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Look, there's Delisha Sloss...
If anybody cares.

Excuse me.

Okay. So, after Gregory talks
math competency,

I'll handle the attendance graph,

and then I'll kick it to you
for testing numbers.

So I'm the grand finale.
But what if they want an encore?

That's okay. We'll handle all surprises,

and all you have to do
is take care of the lobs.

Oh, perfect! I'll go into a power pose.

And remember, you don't wanna
show too much improvement

because then they think
we won't need the money,

but then, also, you don't want to show

that we haven't gotten any better

because then they think we're
not capable of improvement.

Wow. And this is the job
you really want?

- Sounds gross.
- Yeah.

Ah, Principal Coleman.

Superintendent Collins.

I'm really looking forward to
showing you our presentation.

W-What do you mean "our"?

I've enlisted two
of Abbott's best teachers

to help me with the presentation...

Our shortest and our finest.

[CHUCKLES] No, you're not slick.

You'll be giving today's
presentation alone.

[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]

Uh, oh, my God.
What did he just say to you?

That if you don't do well,
you're gonna get fired?

Worse.

He mumbled and I didn't hear it.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[DOOR UNLOCKS]

Oh. Mrs. Sloss.

I'm a teacher at Abbott Elementary.

I believe we go to the same church.

Oh, how lovely.

I think I've seen you around.

Of course you've seen
Deacon Wiley's new hairstyle.

Oh, he's got it dyed, fried,
and laid to the side.

[CHUCKLES] Yes, it's funny
when people look bad.

Um, uh...

Sister Sloss, God is good, is he not?

- He is.
- And he knows in our hearts

whether we are good people or not.

I imagine he does.
You have a good day now.

Well, while I have your attention,

you are on the Church Finance
Committee, aren't you?

AVA: Our test scores have been good.

But not too good.

And definitely not bad.

Uh, the same goes for
our attendance rates.

They have been exactly where
they should be

to inspire confidence while also
leaving room for improvement.

Any questions?

Never mind.
There's no time for questions.

I still have, uh, more slides.

I can't really hear anything.

Okay, get away from the door.
Let me try.

Yeah, I can't hear anything, either.

Who's got the biggest ears?

I... I'ma just...

I'll get a glass.

When I'm overwhelmed,
I get on my phone, too.

I like to read the news.

You know, seeing something way worse

than what's happening to me
really puts things in perspective.

Yeah, I was just sending
an e-mail, but...

I can do that later.

By the way, thank you so much
for helping.

I know it isn't easy to coach someone

who has the job you should've gotten.

Yeah, well, it's a lot easier to
say yes to things

when you're the one asking.

Oh. Well, in that case,

can I get a burger
and a Nintendo Switch?

[BOTH LAUGH]

[SIGHS]

How do you think it's going in there?

Oh, I think it's probably going well.

I think it's going w...

I think it's probably going well.

And that brings me to my last chart...

What are we looking at here?

Well, there's no words on it,
but... it's going up!

That can't be too bad.

Or too good!

Based on what you've shown us so far,

what metrics are
your funding targets keyed to?

Thank God you brought that up.

I was like, "I hope he asks
about Target and whatnot,"

- 'cause I have another slide...
- You know what?

I thi... I think we've seen all
we need to see here today.

Thanks for coming in.

But I... I... Look, that's your time,

not even including
the five minutes you took

when you got a paper cut.

Look, I know you all want me to talk

about pie charts and cake graphs,

but that's not the entire story.

Yeah, discretionary funds
can be used to nurture students

artistically so they can grow up
and do that graffiti

that bougie people don't get mad at.

You mean a mural?

That's it.

But what you don't see
is how I make sure

that forgetful students get supplies.

Or how I help students
with broke parents

get uniforms that fit so they
don't get roasted all day.

Or how I have barrels of lotion
stashed all around the school

so these kids don't start a
commotion with they crusty ankles.

My unique approach to these
funds betters the school.

Yes, we all understand the
importance of moisturization,

but your time is up.

- [GASPS]
- AVA: No.

Y'all not about to rush me out of here

like I'm Lil Mama at the VMAs.

Psst! Hey. It's open.

Because you know what?

No matter what happens to me,
Abbott will be fine.

Because the teachers that work there

are some of the most dedicated,
hardworking,

and creative teachers
in this entire city.

You tell 'em, Ava!

[DOOR SLAMS]

And it's not like y'all been
making it rain up in here.

We've been taking appetizer money

and giving these kids
a charcuterie experience.

Don't give us the money
because we need it.

Give it to us because everyone
at Abbott deserves it.

Well, thank you, Principal Coleman.

Uh, that was a very... passionate plea.

[DOOR OPENS]

Well?

Okay, sis!

I did that! And that's on what?

- Periodt!
- [LAUGHTER]

Okay. What's happening?

I mean, [CLEARS THROAT] good job, Ava.

Thank you, subordinate.

So, our girl really did a good job, huh?

Surprisingly, yes.

Ooh! So we get the funding we need?

No, of course not.

As long as Ava's at Abbott
and I'm the superintendent,

you never will.

She blackmailed me.

It's kind of hard to get over
being blackmailed.

You know, he's not wrong.

I haven't spoken to
my blackmailer in two years.

Do I miss my sister? Yeah, every day.

Look, if it wasn't your school
suffering, it'd just be another.

Don't be mad at me,
be mad at the system.

I am mad. I'm really mad.

I'm glad I caught you before you left.

I talked to my office,
and I have good news.

- Oh, really?
- Mm.

Regarding?

Regarding the fact
that Abbott will be a recipient

of the Advancement Grant this year.

[GASPS] What a surprise.

After years
of impeccable applications,

we suddenly find ourselves worthy.

How wonderful.

Yes, it is... wonderful.

Ah. See you in church on Sunday.

And every Sunday after that.

Hmm.

Barbara, this is great!

JACOB: What are we gonna use
the grant for?

I mean, which programs go?
Which ones stay?

This could get very stressful.

Okay, you need to stop
thinking about this

because you're gonna break out in hives.

Because this is a decision
for our principal.

Stop looking at me like that.

If anybody hugs me,
I'm turning down the grant.

Did you...

Did you shake someone down for me?

I shook someone down for us,
ya big gabootz.

Guboonza? Garbanzo.

Yeah, that's a bean,
but thank you for trying.

[LAUGHS]

BARBARA: Sometimes you try something new

for the people you care about.

The Lord helps those
who help themselves.

And he punishes those
who have been helping themselves

to the church's petty cash.

Mnh-mnh-mnh.

I saw your little e-mail.

I know. That's why I'm sitting here.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

This job requires you to be cool
and level-headed,

and you ain't exactly known
for keeping your composure.

I'm sure.

This job means more responsibility.

Commitment. Emotional availability.

I understand.

Well, welcome to teaching
full-time at Abbott, Mr. Eddie.

Thank you.

What I'm looking forward to the most

is having access to the H.R. department.

What's H.R.?