02x02 - The Greenhouse Jungle

[bunniefuu]

Hello.

Mrs. Goodland?

Yes?

Mrs. Tony Goodland?

Who is this?

Never mind.

But I just wouldn't go anyplace
if I was you.

Your old man, he just bought
himself some trouble.

He's what? Come on,
what are you talking about?

Just stay put, lady!
If he pays up, no hard feelings.

If he don't...
we'll be in touch with you.

Get in touch? What is this?

Tony!

Tony?

Hello!

Whom?

Mrs.Tony Goodland. And if
my husband is there, Miss West,

I'd like to speak with him,
please.

Well, why would you...
I mean, what makes you...

I know what you mean, dear,
and you know what I mean.

Now, is he there or isn't he?

Well, he certainly is not!
Now, I was at one time Tony's...

Mr.Goodland's receptionist
employee, Mrs.Goodland,

and that is absolutely all!

I know all about your skills
at the office.

Just tell me where Tony is.

Why, I don't know where he is!
Honest, Mrs.Goodland, I...

Jarvis? I'm looking for Tony.

Ah, sweet Catherine!
Looking for Tony, are you?

My! What a pleasant surprise
for him.

Tell me, my dear,
have you tried your own home?

I am home.

Well, a double surprise.

Jarvis, look. I'm not in the mood
for playing badminton right now.

I got a weird phone call
a couple of minutes ago, and I...

Did you? One of your friends?

Damn it, Jarvis! Will you listen?

Oh... Sounds quite lethal,
doesn't he?

Well, I tell you, Cathy,
why don't you wait an hour,

and if Tony doesn't come
weaving in by then,

why don't you call the authorities?

Yes, of course! The police!

Drunks and errant husbands are
their special province, I believe.

Not at all, my dear.

Oh, and Cathy,
assuming nothing is wrong with Tony,

it's been my pleasure to hear you
so upset, my dear.

Torpedoes running straight,
hot, and normal.

Why do you always have to talk
to her like she was some kind of...

Well, isn't she?

I've told you before,
knock off that stuff.

And the word for you
is still "gullible."

Why do you insist upon
being in love with a wife...

...who spends all your cash
on some skiing instructor!

Maybe, I've fooled around
a little bit myself!

In self defense, dear boy!

Of course, you are embarrassingly
weak and far too decent to...

...compete with your
Catherine the Great.

Uncle Jarvis, I'm warning you!

I don't wanna hear
any more talk about...

Look, this whole thing better work.
It just better work, that's all.

Oh, it'll work. I planned it.

And now, let's be off to conclude
Phase 1, shall we, nephew?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

What if... what if Cathy calls you
back again later?

She'll get a busy signal.

I thought I told you to listen
to the police calls.

I have been. I just turned it off.

Then, turn it on again.

... three-car collision
at the corner of Sepulveda and...

Now, what about tomorrow night?

I make the first phone call to Cathy
between midnight and 12:30.

From?

That roadside phone just below here.

And the second call?

20 minutes later
from the same phone.

To you, in the gas station
on Wilshire.

Good.

Boo! It's gonna feel like
Halloween wearing this thing.

Now, don't forget to wear these.

We don't want some clod trying
to match footprints.

Now, where's the letter?

Here, I... I copied
straight from your draft.

Word for word?

Yes.

What about fingerprints?

Only mine on the letter and the envelope.

... Anthony Goodland, age 31,

Hey, listen!

Driving yellow sports car,
chrome spoke wheels, license ZZ0324.

All cars, report if subject located...

Well, we are in business.
And now, dear nephew, to Phase 2.

Listen, Jarvis...

Couldn't we just hide the Jag?
That thing cost me a bundle.

Did it cost you 300,000 dollars?

Headlights off?

I know.

Dashboard clock set back to 12:18!

Windows up.

Emergency brake off?

Yes.

Flaps up, wheels down.

Would you mind?

Well, don't just stand there!
Push!

Come on!

The end of a perfect day.

Look. Hey, mister,
didn't you see me signaling?

I'm a cop, sir.

Right, you're a cop.

Now look, can you back this up
and move it down the hill...

Officer, you don't understand...

Lieutenant, don't worry about your car,
the officer will move it for you.

Officer, right now!

Lieutenant?

This way, sir.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Oh, sir, may I?

Oh, fine.

Sir, the vehicle's point of descent
is right over there.

You'll notice the skid marks,
of course.

These are the... these are
the second set of skid marks here?

No, sir, the second set is
right over here.

It's a bigger, heavier vehicle.

Of course, I don't have to
tell you that, sir.

Oh, please, you could tell me.

Well, the smaller vehicle is the vehicle
that descended into the canyon.

Here, I'll show you
the quickest way down.

Lieutenant?

It's a little... steep!

Yes, sir. Sir?

But I'll tell you,
it was the quickest way down.

Oh, yes, by far.

Here, sir.

Thank you.

This is the car right here, sir.

Subject vehicle a Jaguar,
registered to subject person...

...of last night's missing person
report, Anthony Goodland.

Male Caucasian,
residing 11 Hightower Road.

Discovered approximately
one hour ago...

...by two juveniles taking
a shortcut to school.

You want their names,
Lieutenant?

What? Who? I'm sorry?

The juveniles. I have their names
right here when you need them.

Yeah, very good... very good.

Yes, sir.

Soil moisture tests beneath
subject vehicle indicate...

...residual dew, indicating in turn...

...that subject vehicle has been here
since last night.

That is substantiated
by subject vehicle's electric clock,

which stopped running at 12:18.

b*llet hole in window
on driver's side,

but no blood, indicating preliminarily
that b*llet missed.

b*llet slug lodged in
back of passenger seat.

Lights, ignition,
emergency brake, all off.

Well, sir... I guess I don't have to
tell you what this all adds up to.

Adds up to?
Yes, you could tell me.

As I reconstruct it, sir,

Mr.Goodland was halted by
the sh*t you were looking at there,

forced out of the car, which
was then pushed over the side.

This to conceal the fact that he was
grabbed by a person or persons unknown.

That jibe with your thinking, sir?

Uh... I was wondering,
could you tell me your name?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Detective Sergeant
Frederic Wilson, sir.

Please forgive my rudeness.

No, that's perfectly all right.

One year's experience Homicide,

two years' Advanced Police
School, Berkeley.

Returned to city Homicide,
6th July.

Well, you're a very efficient officer.
I can see that.

Thank you, sir.

With permission from Captain Ritchie
to work right alongside you, sir.

You're gonna work along with me?

I do hope that's acceptable
to you, sir, I...

Captain Ritchie did say...

...you were fast becoming
a legend in the department.

Captain Ritchie said that?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Oh...

Uh... do you have a pocket Kn*fe?

Yes, sir.

Would you hold this for me?

Oh, certainly, sir.

I wonder why he said that.

I beg your pardon?

Captain Ritchie. He said that?

About you? Oh, repeatedly, sir.

I wonder why he said that.

Thank you.

I wonder if you could get this over
to the crime lab as soon as possible.

Oh, yes, sir.

Uh, this fella have a wife?
Does she know about this?

I suggested they wait...

until you made your
preliminary report, sir.

Oh, very good.

Sergeant, I wonder if
you could hang around here...

...and see if you can locate
any more physical evidence,

something that might do us
some good. Could you do that?

Certainly, sir.

Thank you. Fine.

Oh, Lieutenant.

I hope you don't mind Captain Ritchie
assigning me to you like this.

I mean, that is to say,

I realize it was done
without consulting you and...

No, Freddie,
that's perfectly all right.

Captain Ritchie is a very fine
administrator and I'm sure...

he just wanted to expose me to
some modern techniques.

No, I appreciate that.

Uh... I think
I'll go the long way around.

Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, Lieutenant! Your coat...

Oh, thank you very much.
I'll carry it.

Thanks.

Well, I must say, Catherine, our kidnapper,
whoever he is, is certainly no piker.

To demand a ransom of
300,000 dollars!

Why, I'll wager there are weeks
here and there...

...where even you don't
spend that sort of money.

Don't you ever stop, Jarvis?

However, leaving our
personal affection aside,

you must realize that
my situation is such...

...that even I couldn't pour
even the smallest drop...

...into such a huge bucket.

Even though I'm not a weakling
with a spendthrift wife.

Oh, shut up, Jarvis.

Uh... Mrs.Goodland?

Yes?

Uh... Police department, ma'am.
Lieutenant Columbo.

Yes?

Would you mind if I came in?

Well, I've already told your people
everything I know, Lieutenant.

In triplicate.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have company...

Ma'am, you see, this time
I've got something to tell you.

Oh.

Well, come in.

This is Lieutenant... uh...?

Columbo.

How do you do, sir.

This is Jarvis Goodland,
Tony's uncle.

Did I hear you say
you have something to tell us?

Uh, yes, sir.

Uh... I'm sorry, Mrs.Goodland,
we found your husband's car,

about an hour ago. It was in
a canyon off Middlecross Road.

Smashed up pretty badly,
I'm afraid.

Kind of a long drop off
that particular spot.

Even worse,

we found a b*llet hole in the window
on the driver's side.

You already heard this?

Uh... no.

Oh, well, it kind of seems
to me that if...

...somebody popped in
and told my wife that...

...they found my car at the bottom
of a canyon with a b*llet hole in it,

You know, I think that she would
wanna ask if I was in the car,

or if I was hurt? If I was alive?
If I was I dead...

You're quite right, Lieutenant.

We do know much of
what you're telling us.

Jarvis!

It's always better to tell the truth,
my dear, especially to the police.

Jarvis, will you let me handle...

Lieutenant, I received a letter
from Tony.

Well, he's perfectly all right,
really.

Uh, how big a ransom did
the letter ask for, ma'am?

You already knew.

Oh, no, no.

No, uh... is that an ashtray?

No, it's just that letters to wives
and relatives saying...

...don't talk to the police,
they often involve a kidnapping.

And I mean...

The way I could just barely
get into the house here,

just now right here at the door...

Well, I make these small observations,
I can't help it, ma'am, sometimes.

May I see the letter, please?

Well, you can't. Aside from the fact
it specifically says...

...not to give the police
any information...

Mrs.Goodland...

I will do nothing to endanger
the safety of your husband.

But this is a crime.
This is a police matter.

I've already sent it by messenger...

...to Mr.Jameson,
at the Golden West Bank.

He's gonna verify Tony's handwriting.
He'll do whatever is necessary.

Catherine, I think you'd better
cooperate more than that.

The letter asked for 300,000 dollars
in small, unmarked bills.

300,000 dollars?
That's a lot of money... I mean,

Well, do you mind if I ask you,
do you have access...?

Well, of course, I don't have it.
But Tony has a trust fund.

Now, in an emergency like this...

Ah, the trust fund!
That's why you wanted me here.

Well, Jarvis, I certainly knew
you wouldn't help me...

...raise the money any other way.

I'm sorry, I don't quite understand
about that trust fund.

Well, you see,
I'm co-administrator with the bank...

...of a trust fund
set up by Tony's father.

And you, Catherine,
should know of all people...

...that he put enough strings
in there to protect Tony...

...from his own bad habits,
and grasping wives.

I also know because Mr.Jameson
told me on the telephone...

That there is an emergency clause
for... well, for problems like this.

Yes, there is that.

Then you can get the money?

I mean, you can break the trust fund.
Boy, that's a lucky thing.

We can, if the bank verifies
the letter.

And if I choose to vote
in Tony's favor.

Now, it's no use glaring
at me like that.

Blood is thicker than martinis.

I'll go and see Jameson right away.

Oh, sir! You will be careful
with the fingerprints, won't you?

I mean, we could help
with the verification.

Why don't I send one of the lab boys
over there to meet you?

Why don't you do that?

Delightful, isn't he?

Oh, well...

You know, everybody gets uptight
in a situation like that.

I can understand that, uh...

And Mrs.Goodland, believe me,

I understand how concerned
you are about your husband.

And rest assured, we will do
nothing to interfere. Just help.

I heard the front door close.
I thought you were alone.

Who are you, another cop?

Uh... Yes, Lieutenant Columbo.

Ken Nichols.
Friend of the family's.

How do you do, sir?

Hey... you look a little tired.

You go on back upstairs
and get some rest.

You let me be the watchdog,
fix him a drink or whatever...

No, he was just leaving.

Uh... yes, I was just leaving.

Oh, now, Mrs.Goodland,
you just follow...

...any instructions they gave you
in that letter and...

We'll stay in the background
till your husband's released.

I mean... don't worry,
everything's gonna be all right.

Lieutenant...

Yes?

I'm scared about Tony.

And I'll do anything on earth
to see him safe.

We lead separate lives.

And I don't really care what
you might be thinking right now.

Good day.

Oh, excuse me.
I hope I didn't startle you, sir.

One of your men...
I believe it was the gardener,

he said it was all right
if I wait in here and...

I must say it's been a real pleasure
because...

...I've never seen so many
beautiful flowers in my life!

Orchids, Lieutenant.

One of the finest collections
in the country,

even if I say so myself.

My wife loves African violets.

But, boy, what a thrill
it would be to her...

I can imagine if I ever brought
something like this home to her...

That specimen happens to be
called a moth orchid.

Its value is
approximately 1,200 dollars.

1,200 dollars...

Can you imagine that for
one flower...? Hard to believe.

Boy, a fella could go broke
with a hobby like this.

You mean to tell me every one
of these is worth 1,200 dollars?

Lieutenant Columbo,
I enjoy talking about my orchids,

but I have a feeling you came here
with something else on your mind.

Yes, sir, I'm waiting to hear
how you made out at the bank.

Ah...

And to see this, I suppose.

Oh, yes, sir, that's very important.
I'd like to keep that for evidence...

if I could.

Let's see if I have a handkerchief
here... yeah.

Oh, go ahead, it won't bite you.
Your expert's already verified...

...the fingerprints are Tony's
and that the handwriting is his.

Oh, he checked it out, did he?

Oh, yes.

Well, then there's no need
to be so careful.

Let's see... "Cathy..."

"...making me write this..."

"...driving in a car on a country road
...sh*t at me..."

"...stop... forced off the road...
Don't worry I'm not hurt..."

That must have been a relief,
when you got to that part.

Oh, yes, indeed.

"Demand 300,000 dollars..."

"Whatever you do...
no police... sit tight..."

Your expert has told you, I'm sure,
everything, including the text.

Yeah, you know,
he did in his way...

And also that the money will
be available.

Yeah, that was a lucky thing,
wasn't it?

And also the fact that your being here
jeopardizes my nephew's life.

Now supposing we were watched!

Good point, sir. Absolutely right.

Better run along... uh, the uh,
one or two little things I have,

I guess they can wait until...
yeah.

Now, it just hit me, how much
you must love these flowers.

No, when you didn't go straight
to the bank.

I mean, with your nephew being
kidnapped and they told me...

...you took the time
to stop off at the nursery...

You mean, I'm being followed,
already?

That you're interfering,
when you promised you wouldn't!

I'm gonna call up your superiors.

No, there's no need to do that, sir.
No, they've told me.

And they've made it very clear.
I'm to stay in touch.

But until your nephew is released,
believe me,

we're way back... way back.
Nothing to worry about.

In that case,
I don't mind revealing...

...that my nephew isn't worth
a sack of peat moss.

He's a wife-ridden weakling
whom I've despised for years.

If it wasn't for the fact
that he's my only relative,

I'd call up his captors,

and tell them that
they are welcome to him.

Uh, Lieutenant, sir?

The boys on the new shift,
they keep asking me...

...why a Homicide Lieutenant
has requested...

...to stay on this kidnapping thing.

I... I don't know
what I'm supposed to say.

Are they angry?
I hope they're not angry.

Lieutenant? We got a ring.

Answer it.

Yes?

Tony! Tony, where are you?

Yes, Jarvis is here.

Yes, I've got the money.
Yes, Tony, I'm listening.

Tell Jarvis... he's to go
to Cal-Texas gas station,

5835 East Wilshire...
Wait for a call... Public phone booth.

You got that?

Yes, I've got that.
Tony, are you all right?

Have they hurt you?
You sound so...

They made him hang up.

5835 East Wilshire... yes,
I think I know the station.

Well, might as well get it over with.

If you'll just sign this,
Mr.Goodland...

Oh, yes, of course.

What about my going with you,
Mr.Goodland?

You?

Sure. I'll hide in the back of the car...

My dear boy, if there's one thing
I don't need, it's a hero!

Now, assuming I survive,
I shall telephone and let you know.

Keep him in sight, no tailgating.
Understand?

Yes, sir.

It's about time!

Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
Uh... take Sunset to Surf Road.

North on Surf 4.6 miles.

You got 15 minutes to get there.

I think he's stopping, Lieutenant.

Pull up and turn off your lights.

Yes, sir.

Did you ever see one of these
before, Lieutenant?

No, I'm not sure I have, but...
it looks kind of familiar, though.

It's a camera-mounted
starlight scope.

They use them quite a bit
at Berkeley for night work.

You mean, that takes pictures
in the dark?

Yeah, I bought this one myself.

You used your own money?

Well, I wanted you to have
the best equipment for the job, sir.

You must be a bachelor.

Lieutenant!

We've got some very clear footprints
here, going and coming.

Good, we'll have some
moulage casts made.

I think we'd better go.

Lieutenant, uh...

I believe I'd rather take some...

...three-dimension photographs,
if you don't mind.

We've pretty much stopped
using moulage casts, you know.

We have?

Oh, with footprints, yes indeed.

You see, we've found that
when the plaster swells,

it makes them appear
a half to a full size...

...larger than they really are.

No kidding!

Oh, absolutely.

Well, then, maybe
we better take pictures.

Oh, very good.

Yeah, just quickly as you can,
Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

Oh, it's you, Columbo.

Yes, sir.
I hope we didn't scare you.

Detective Sergeant Wilson.

You didn't scare me.
But the kidnapper did!

That mask and everything...
Frankly I'm a little unraveled.

That's quite natural,
Mr.Goodland, believe me.

Thank you, young man.

Sir, we're kind of interested in...

...exactly what happened
up there on that hill.

Well, the man said "Goodland?"
I said "Yes."

He says "Give me the money."
I gave him the money.

I hope he didn't surround
those trees you ran into.

Oh, no, sir. Just as we agreed,
we're gonna stay out of this thing...

...until your nephew's released.

You wouldn't recognize him,
again, would you?

If you saw him,
the guy up there on the hill?

I told you he had
a stocking mask on.

Yeah. I guess it was pretty dark
up there, too.

His voice?
Anything familiar about his voice?

Or the way he walked, maybe.

Lieutenant, I've had a fatiguing
and rather frightening evening.

Can't this wait until tomorrow?

Yeah, I'm sorry, sir.

I guess it must seem to you that
we're not being very considerate.

Have a pleasant night.

I presume that's gallows humor.
Good night, young man.

Sorry for so long,
but I had to be sure...

...that Neanderthal policeman
wasn't following us.

Well, it was hairy when he
stopped you, I'll tell you that.

Well, I'll take the bag.

No, I'll take it.

I've really got to hand it to you,
Uncle Jarve.

Unbreakable trust
broken to the tune of 300 thou.

Would you look at these
lovely green bricks! Beautiful!

Far too beautiful for you
to waste your half on that woman.

That woman happens to be my wife.
And I wanna keep her.

If money's what it takes,
money's what she'll have.

What a waste. No, Tony, no.

The time has now come for me
to explain to you Phase 3.

Columbo!

Oh, good morning, Mr.Goodland.
I was hoping I'd find you up.

Your gardener said
I might find you here.

You've something on Tony?

No, sir, no. I'm afraid we haven't
gotten any kind of a report at all, sir.

None at all.

That sounds ominous.

Oh, he could pop up any minute
now, sir. Of course,

there is that possibility that once
they get him to write the letter,

and make the phone call...
But you never know.

You mean, they may have waited...

...until the ransom money was
paid and then...

That's a grisly thought.

Well, you just never know.
But it's good to be positive.

I always like to think positive, sir.

Is that all you came here
to talk to me about?

No, sir. No, I didn't. Uh...

Sir...

I was hoping that you'd be
able to make a suggestion.

My wife has tried
everything she knows...

...to get this thing to grow,
this African violet here.

Uh, I was hoping, maybe,
you'd be able to make a suggestion.

That is the most miserable
specimen I've ever seen!

My only advice to you, Columbo,
is to throw it in the trash can.

Yeah... I was afraid
you were gonna say that.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Listen, as long as I'm here,
I might as well bring up...

...one or two little things
I didn't get to before.

Uh... Your nephew's wrecked car,
for instance...

You know, we found that thing
with the ignition and lights off...

...and the gear in neutral.

Neutral?

But the letter said
he was forced off the road.

Perhaps they grabbed Tony and
then pushed the car over the side,

to keep it out of sight,
don't you think?

Yeah, yeah... yeah,
that's what it looks like, all right.

Of course, only then,
one of them made...

...that first telephone call
to Mrs.Goodland.

Well, that was to make her believe
the letter when she got it.

She's a very hard woman to convince
of anything, Lieutenant.

Mmm... I wonder how they
knew that. Funny.

And those skid marks... I mean...

They were really funny...

Say, what is this thing, sir?

That is a multicolored
cattleya bulb from Brazil.

From Brazil, you don't say, really?

Skid marks, Lieutenant?

Huh?

Skid marks?

Oh, yeah, there were marks of
a heavier car on that road, too.

But his Jaguar, you know,
boy, they can really travel.

I don't know how the heavier car
caught up with him.

But they took a sh*t at him,
isn't that what he said?

Yeah, that's what the letter...

Well... You know something?

The line of flight of that b*llet
through the window...

Well, that slug would have
passed right through him.

I mean, if he was driving the car.

But it didn't. I mean, nothing.
You know, no blood, nothing.

Just a.32-caliber slug in the seat.

Well, you see, Tony's been ducking
things adroitly for years.

Right, right. Uh, very good, sir.
You want this?

Uh... Listen, sir...

You've got a g*n yourself,
haven't you, Mr.Goodland?

Also a.32, I think.

Mm-hm, yes, yes,

there's one around here somewhere.
I haven't seen it for almost a year.

Tony gave it to me.
It's around the house somewhere.

Lieutenant...

You been checking up on me?

Oh, no, sir, no,
I just happened to run across a...

...police report you filed,
oh, way back there some time.

Yeah, I had it here a minute ago,
I don't know what happened to it.

Uh... had to do with somebody
breaking into the, uh...

...into the greenhouse here.

Solarium!

Oh, solarium, right.
I stand corrected.

I got this telephone bill.
I got to take care of that.

Oh, here we are, here we are.

Yeah, I guess a guy broke in
and... what happened?

You took some potshots at him
or something?

Columbo, you're marvelous.
Transparent but marvelous.

You just happened to run across
this report?

Well...

I'd forgotten all about it.

It didn't just happen...

I did take a couple of sh*ts,

but all I hit was
a pile of dirt over there.

I scared me more
than I scared the prowler.

Well, you know,
with all the glass you got here,

and the prices the way they are,
it's a good thing you sh*t low...

Well, I confess. Now,
I have to change and get to work.

Confess to what, sir?

To having an unregistered
w*apon somewhere in the house.

That's what you're leading up to,
isn't it?

Oh, no, sir.
Oh, no, not at all.

Listen,

if I arrested everybody with an
unregistered w*apon in Los Angeles...

...believe me, I'd have
half the population in jail.

Then, why are you here, Columbo?

Oh... gee, this is magnificent!

I asked you a question!

I'm sorry, sir.
I happen to love this game.

I played it when I was a kid and...

This is such a beautiful table here...

I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't mean to hold you up.

Y'know, in my house I don't have
room for a table in my basement,

even if I could afford one.

I've got these pictures here, sir.

These were taken
with a starlight scope.

That's a new camera,
it's a very sophisticated instrument.

I'd like you to take a look at them.

You know, since you were right there,

right on the spot so to speak.

Where were these pictures
taken from?

Oh, way down the bottom of the hill.
They don't show very much,

which is kind of funny, too.
You don't mind, do you?

What was kind of funny, too?

I'm not as rusty
as I thought I was.

Ah...

What's funny is that uh,

the place where they asked you
to deliver the ransom,

you know, way up on the top
of the hill like that there.

I mean it's almost as though
they wanted to have a place...

...that was exposed
in order to be photographed.

What do you think?

I think it's very odd.

So do I.

I think this whole case is odd.
You know what I mean?

I mean you got those skid marks
and you got the b*llet hole.

I'll tell you, in most cases
you don't have any clues.

Gee, I can't miss a sh*t.

In this case, I got so many clues
I don't know where to start.

You know, it's almost like
they put them there just on purpose.

You're the detective.
Don't ask me for your answers.

Oh, I can't miss a sh*t.
Isn't that wonderful?

Oh, there is one thing
that I did wanna ask you, sir.

Y'know what this whole game is?
It's all in the wrist.

You just gotta keep that loose.

What I wanted to ask you was
why do you think...

...they asked you to deliver the money
instead of the wife?

Because they probably knew...

...that if Catherine had
that much money in the car,

she'd just keep on driving!

I wonder how they knew that.

Yes?

It's for you, Columbo!

Oh, I told them I was gonna be here,
I hope you don't mind, sir.

Hello? Yeah, Columbo.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

We've got some very bad news, sir.

What?

They found your nephew's body.
He's been m*rder*d.

According to the coroner's intern,

the b*llet apparently went
directly through the heart,

fired at extremely close range
as indicated by the gunpowder traces.

Total envelopment of the body
by rigor mortis,

which is, of course you know, sir,

fixes the time of death
at about 10 to 12 hours ago.

The caliber of the b*llet's still to be
determined, following the autopsy.

Remove the body, men!
Is that all right with you, sir?

Pronto, snap to it. Move it.

Call me as soon as you've got it
loaded. I'll come along.

I want that autopsy report
quick as I can get it, sir.

Lieutenant...

Lieutenant,
as you probably noticed,

there are 3 cups, 3 plates,
3 different brands of cigarettes.

That means there were 2 persons
here besides the victim.

That's obvious.

Yeah, awfully obvious.

I understand your were
his receptionist for a while.

Who told you?

Well, his wife sort of mentioned it...

Her! I can just imagine...
Strike that from the record.

Oh, sure. Don't worry about it.

That's a good picture of Tony
right there, isn't it?

Oh, I know what you're thinking.

The secret love life
of the m*rder*d man.

Well, we sort of like to
contact people who knew him,

regardless in what way.

And I understand that
you two have been acquainted...

Well, you get this straight,
Lieutenant!

There was no love affair.

I don't care who told you what,
there just wasn't any.

Well, did you see him?

Miss West,
I'm not here to hurt you.

And I believe everything you tell me.

I just think you can help me.

And I'd appreciate it
if you would cooperate.

Now, why did he come here
at night?

His wife played around.

So he'd come here
and he'd tell her so.

Half to try to
make her jealous and...

half to show her that he didn't really
care that she played around.

Care! He cared all right.

He'd sit here and, yeah,
right where you are now...talk.

Did he talk a lot about money?
I mean, lately?

Maybe. He was always going
broke from his allowance...

...from some trust thing, I guess.

Did he talk about that?
That trust fund?

Well, how should I know?

When Tony was drinking,
it... it's like the other night...

No... no...

What about the other night?

No, I said! Look, Tony's dead now.
Why should people...

Miss West, believe me,

it's a lot better for you
to tell me something now...

...than to have to tell it
in front of a jury later on.

In front of what?

I'm not trying to scare you.

And I believe everything you tell me.

I mean, about the love affair,
I believe everything.

I think you're a very honest person.

Thanks.

Now, what about the other night?

Well, there's this gentleman...

...that his wife was
getting serious about.

I don't know who.
Tony said...

...he made a living getting a suntan...
whatever that is, and...

And then, about three nights ago,

Tony came in here and he said
everything's gonna be okay.

Because...

Because why?

Because the gentleman had
agreed to go away,

and not to see Tony's wife
ever again if...

if Tony...

if Tony gave him 50,000 dollars.

Where was he gonna
get the 50,000 dollars?

Did he tell you that?

Well, how should I know?

I mean, I was just trying
to pour coffee in him.

Honest, sir, I just don't know
any more than that!

Gloria, in your opinion,

was Tony the kind of man that would
arrange for a fake kidnapping?

Arrange for what?

A fake kidnapping.

To raise the money
in order to break that trust.

Because if he did,
whoever helped him do it...

...might be the man who k*lled him.

Oh, look... I mean, I said
he wasn't a very strong person.

But then, who is?
I mean, look at me.

I eat carbohydrates all the time.

Please, sir, leave me alone now.
Stop asking me about Tony.

See... I just never met
another man in my whole life...

...who only wanted to talk.

I understand.
Thank you very much.

Hello, sir? Is this you, Mr.Goodland,
to whom I speak?

I still do not understand you,
Lieutenant.

Just what is it that
you're trying to imply?

Nothing, ma'am, it's just that...

...you've been kind of hard
to locate at various times.

You still don't approve of
my lifestyle, do you?

I told you before,
I really don't care what you think!

It's about time.
Where'd he come from?

Homicide, of course.

They handle morals now.
He's objecting to the places I go.

No, ma'am, that's not true.

Uh... Look, Lieutenant Columbo,
this is... this is her boat,

but it's me that brought her down here,
take her away from the house,

give her a change of thoughts.

Well, I think that's a terrific idea,
I mean,

it's such a great day for sailing,
I mean, if you like boats.

It's just the night of the m*rder.
That's all I wanna ask you about.

What about it, Lieutenant?

Well, sir...
What's your first name?

Ken.

Ken, we have a very efficient officer,

his name is Freddie Wilson.
And he happened to report that...

...Mrs.Goodland's car was
gone from the house...

...about the same time that
her husband was k*lled.

So, you came down here
to accuse me of m*rder!

No, ma'am. It's only that...

Well, you see, something new
has come up and uh...

I have to get rid of
all these little things first.

I was out. With Ken.
We took a nice long drive.

And you can make whatever you like
out of that.

My worry for Tony did not require
my staying around the house...

...until his return,
on pins or needles.

Yes, ma'am, yes.
I mean, I figured that.

You know something, Mrs.Goodland?

You're a very unusual person.
You're not a hypocrite.

And I'm not gonna bother you
any more with these things.

Okay, Charlie, let's cast off!

Oh, there's one little thing, uh...

You know, this is gonna sound
kind of silly, I guess.

Take it for what it's worth.

You see, somebody tried
to convince me...

...that you had a lover,
Mrs.Goodland and...

Not only that this person,
Gloria West,

young girl, that was her name,
Gloria West.

Anyway, she said that
this mysterious lover of yours,

some guy with a deep suntan,

that he'd go away and
get out of your life forever...

...if your husband gave him
50,000 dollars.

I'm sure it's just malicious gossip.

Probably shouldn't have mentioned it,

However... for what it's worth.

Mr.Goodland?

Mr.Goodland?

Ah, Miss West.

I'm sorry I couldn't meet you sooner.

You said you wanted
to speak to me alone?

Yes, sir, it's...

Oh, gee, it's kind of
spooky in here, isn't it?

You don't like orchids?

Oh, really,
they're my favorite corsage!

Indeed.

You said something on the phone
about seeing Tony the other night?

Yes, sir.
And since you're his relative,

and you've been so polite
the couple of times we met...

Anyway, this detective came
to call this afternoon.

Ah... rumpled raincoat,
rumpled face?

That's him! A Lieutenant.

Of course, I didn't tell him
everything about Tony and me,

I mean... and some of it,
I didn't even think of until later.

Some of what, Miss West?

Well, I think that he thinks that
maybe Tony's kidnapping...

...wasn't a real kidnapping at all!

I beg your pardon?

Like maybe Tony did it himself.

To try to get some money
out of his trust fund.

And as a matter of fact,
Tony did mention to me...

...that he might be able to
get me a new car pretty soon.

And you believed his usual,
drunken promises?

No, not really, I guess...

Tell me more about
Columbo's little theory.

I suppose my nephew also
m*rder*d himself!

No, that was whoever helped Tony,
I guess.

And now that person has got
all that ransom money, too.

That sounds quite absurd to me.

But tell me, why did you come to me
with all this nonsense?

Oh, but it's not, maybe.
Because I also remembered...

Well, a long time ago...
oh, gosh, over a year ago,

Tony told me...well...

See, on the radio I heard that...

...Tony was k*lled by a b*llet
from a.32-caliber g*n.

Yes?

Well, a long time ago, like I said,
Tony told me...

...he had a.32 that he'd given away.

And I remember now
who he told me he gave it to.

And who was that, Miss West?

His wife!

Well, don't you see how that fits?

Maybe she and Tony planned
the kidnapping together.

I bet she never even got...

...that threatening phone call
she told the police about.

So after the ransom was paid,

she brought in her boyfriend
and k*lled him.

Tony, I mean, not the boyfriend.

And so they split the ransom
and she gets the estate,

and nobody's the wiser.
Except me!

And now me.
But why me rather than the police?

Oh, I don't know, I always feel funny
around policemen.

And anyway, it's you who's
in charge of Tony's trust, isn't it?

In conjunction with the bank, yes.

Well, the radio says
there will be a reward...

...for whoever gets
that ransom money back!

30,000 dollars reward!
And I'm claiming it!

I'm gonna help put that woman
in prison,

and get paid
30,000 dollars for it, too!

I'm sure you will, my dear!

And you're quite right about the police,
especially that stupid Lieutenant.

Now, why don't you let me
handle things for a while, hmm?

Oh, well... but you won't
forget about me, will you...?

Miss West, I'll never forget you!

Well, you just run along
while I make some phone calls.

And when the time comes for you
to give your information...

...to the proper authorities.
I'll be in touch.

Thank you.

Mr.Goodland, sir.
I came over as quickly as I could.

As soon as I received your message.

Thank you, Sergeant, thank you.
I heard your sirens from quite a ways off.

Now I would appreciate it
if you'd hand this g*n...

...to your ballistics experts.

I rummaged around for
quite some time this evening,

and I finally found it in the wall safe
in my bedroom.

I don't understand.

Well, you see,
when I told your Lieutenant Columbo...

...that I'd owned a.32 but
I hadn't seen it for several months,

he immediately leapt to accusations...

...that that possibly could be
the g*n that k*lled my nephew.

Now, I resent that implication,
Sergeant.

Well, sir, different officers do
have their different methods.

I must say, the Lieutenant's
investigatory procedures...

...do differ somewhat from my own.

Well, that speaks very well
for you, Sergeant Wilson.

Well, thank you very much.

Now, I've heard things which cast...

...an entirely different light
on my nephew's death.

Things so incredible
I can hardly believe them.

Let's go into the house, shall we?

Now, I feel it my duty to...
tell these things as I see them.

How do you want your chili,
Lieutenant? With or without beans?

Last night I had it with beans?
Have it without beans.

Variety.

Lieutenant,
what are you doing here?

Just ordering some chili.

Would you excuse us, please?

Sir, didn't you get my report
on the Jarvis Goodland statement?

Yes, I found that very interesting.
Very interesting.

That g*n he gave you
checked out okay with ballistics, huh?

Sure, of course!

Sir, he's cracked the case for us.

I have a search warrant and
two units right here ready to go.

If we turn Catherine Goodland's
place upside down,

I guarantee you
we'll find that m*rder w*apon.

We'll find it!

You really think so?

Well, unless she's already
gotten rid of it.

Tell you what. You go ahead.

Go ahead on your own.
If you find anything, you let me know.

Well, sir, if you don't mind
my taking charge for a moment.

Not at all.

Thank you, sir.

Good luck to you.

Charlie, pull them out!

Who's that?

Wilson? Very nice fella.

Been a big help to me on this case.

You needn't have bothered
about a search warrant, Sergeant.

All you had to do was to ask.

The p*stol's right here
where I always keep it.

Would you take it out for us,
please?

Well, it isn't here.

I can see that.

Well, this can't be.

I saw it last night,

And I haven't opened
this drawer since then.

What's this all about, Sergeant?

The m*rder of your husband,
Mrs.Goodland.

Grover, bring in the troops.

Jarvis, what do you want?

I was concerned about you,
my dear.

Have you called your lawyer?

Mrs.Goodland?

Oh, I'm glad to see that you're here.
She may need someone.

Mrs.Goodland,
do you recognize this?

Well, yes, it was Tony's.

And this?

Tony's.

And how about this?

The ransom bag.

It certainly looks like it.
Good heavens, Cathy.

I don't get it.

Well, it was under a pile of
Christmas decorations...

...in the storage closet.

Mrs.Goodland,
I think it's my duty to inform you...

Now, just a moment,
in all fairness to the lady,

when I said that looked like
the ransom bag,

that didn't mean
I could positively identify it.

It's a very common type.

But sir, it answers to the description
in every particular...

Nevertheless, we must be sure.

We?

Sir, if there's anything else here at all,
I'll find it.

Grover, back upstairs!

Excuse me.

Sergeant, for my money,
that p*stol is long gone.

Grover, you and I know that
a pro drops the g*n immediately.

But we're dealing with amateurs.
I'm guessing that...

they're gonna hide the g*n
somewhere close by.

Nothing.

Nothing...

What about this area over here?
Did you go over this?

Yeah, we've been through it
twice already, Sergeant.

Well, go over it again.

Come on, let's go!

Oh, what's that?

Shoes with metal trees in them,
Sergeant, that's all.

That's what's making the buzzing.

Okay.

Look, there's a linen closet
out in the hall.

Go check over that.

Wait a minute.
Did you open all of these?

No, sir. There was no point in it.

Well, let's open them.

Grover.

Crime lab. Pronto.

Have ballistics check the p*stol
against the 2 b*ll*ts they've got.

Then call me, understand?

Don't you want me to check
with Lieutenant Columbo?

I'm in charge here, Grover.

If that's the m*rder w*apon,
I'll take Mrs.Goodland into custody.

Step on it!

What the devil are you doing here?

Oh, just sort of k*lling time,
looking around.

You know, sir, I could...

I could turn into a real orchid fancier
since I met you.

Will you tell me
what you're doing here?

It's very serious, sir.

There's been a new development
in the case.

Yes, I know.

They found the m*rder w*apon
in Cathy's house.

I just came from there.

Things certainly look bad for her.

They certainly do, sir.

That's why I'm waiting here
for the lab report.

I'm hoping to straighten
a few things out.

Look, it's 3 o'clock in the morning,
Lieutenant.

Will you tell me
what you're doing here?

I bumped over this empty pot,

and displaced
some of this soil here.

I'm sorry about the mess, sir.

I'll see to it that
it gets cleaned up.

Look, forget that.
Will you tell me why you're here?

To tell you the truth, sir,

I didn't expect you back so soon.

Oh...

Don't wanna forget this.

You have a real green thumb, sir.

I, what?

This African violet of my wife's.

You know, there's actually a flower
growing out of there.

Now, I don't know what you did.

But whatever it was,
that's a miracle.

Lieutenant...

It's been a trying evening
and I'm quite distressed.

Now, will you please...

...take your African violet
and get out of here?

Wait a minute!
I hear something.

That could be the man I'm waiting for.

Grover? Grover, is that you?

Lieutenant, I don't understand.

I was half way downtown
with Mrs.Goodland...

...when we were ordered back here!

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

I didn't mean to run you
around town like that.

Mrs.Goodland, how are you?

You must be exhausted,
would you like to sit down?

No, no, I'll stand, thank you.

Uh... let me get you a chair.
You'll be more comfortable.

I know you've been up all night.

Well, I think there'll be plenty of time
to rest in jail, don't you?

Sergeant, has this lady actually
been arrested?

Well, I... sir, I phoned my report
into Captain Ritchie.

He was quite complimentary.

She'll be charged as soon as we...

No, Sergeant, no!
Mrs.Goodland...

Damn it, Columbo!
What's this all about?

Well, you see, sir,

I'm waiting here for some things
from headquarters.

And if you all just bear with me
for a moment...

What sort of things?

Lieutenant?
Lieutenant Columbo?

Oh!

Oh, here you are, Lieutenant.

Thank you, Grover.
Thank you very much.

Excuse me for just a moment.

Yes, I have some b*ll*ts here.

This one is from the wrecked car.

A.32-caliber proven by ballistics...

...to have been fired
from the m*rder w*apon.

This one is from the body
of the victim.

Also.32-caliber,
and proven by ballistics...

...to have been fired from
the same w*apon as the first b*llet.

We know all about that.
Tell him, young man!

Both... both of those...

...came from the g*n that was found
in her house.

And Sergeant Grover said
they confirmed it...

...as the m*rder w*apon.

Right. That's quite right.

Sergeant, I don't want you
to feel badly.

Because without you,
I'd have never gotten this idea.

I mean, those technical things
you're so good at.

You see, I've never used
a metal detector before.

That's why it took me nearly an hour.

But you know, these things
really work... Amazing.

You see that?

What is it?

Third b*llet.

Also a.32-caliber
and also proven by ballistics...

...to have been fired
by the same w*apon...

...that fired the first two b*ll*ts.

Mr.Goodland, I just don't know
how you're gonna explain this.

But why should I have to...

That's right.

That's right, sir,

That's what I was doing over there
a little while ago.

I found this third b*llet
buried here in this pile of dirt.

I guess it was one of those b*ll*ts
that you fired at that guy...

...who broke in here about a year ago.
You said you only hit dirt.

I don't know how you're gonna
explain, sir,

how the same g*n that fired
this b*llet in the dirt...

...ended up tonight
in Mrs.Goodland's dressing room.

Sergeant, would you take
Mr.Goodland downtown, please?

Mr.Jarvis Goodland, it's my duty
to inform you that anything you...

you might uh... This way, sir.

Mrs.Goodland, would you
allow me to drive you home?

Thank you, Lieutenant.

Oh...! One moment.

If I forget this,
my wife will k*ll me.