33x17 - The Sound of Bleeding Gums

Episode transcripts for the 1989 TV show "The Simpsons". Aired: December 1989 to present.*

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"The Simpsons" - set in the fictional town of Springfield - parodies American culture, society, television, and many aspects of the human condition, and is a satirical depiction of a middle class American lifestyle.
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33x17 - The Sound of Bleeding Gums

Post by bunniefuu »

Salt peanuts, salt peanuts

Salt peanuts, salt peanuts.

D'oh.

♪ ♪

(PLAYING HARMONIZING NOTES)

You know, you play pretty well

for someone with no real problems.

That's 'cause I had the best teacher.
(GIGGLES)

- (SAXOPHONE PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)
- ANNOUNCER: If you love sports


and house flipping shows,
telenovelas
mexicanas

and Holocaust documentaries,

get Everything+.

We'll stream anything,

even shows that Peacock rejected.

We've got vintage cartoons

with the racism and v*olence edited out,

so they're four seconds long.

(WHISTLING TUNE)

Gurr, why, look, it's Mr. Crow Jangles.

- ♪ ♪

Scratch that itch, scratch that itch

The lotto's gonna make you rich

- (JAZZ MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
- Hey, that's a Bleeding Gums Murphy song.

But they changed the lyrics.

He never would've sung this garbage.

Only a dollar

Scratch and you'll holler.

This is sacrilegious.
Listen to the original.

(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)

So filled with sorrow

Can't face tomorrow.

Get in it to win it

It just takes a minute

Neither the state lottery
nor any of their employees


Or agents make any warranty
express or implied


Including warranties of
merchantability and fitness


For a particular purpose
or assumed liability


For the accuracy,
completeness or usefulness


Of information from this song.

I can't believe they're
using a jazz legend

to sell lottery tickets.

Why do you hate the lottery?
It's my retirement plan.

Ugh. The lottery is a tax on people

who can't calculate the
insanely low odds of winning

because they went to
schools that are underfunded

because of... guess what...
scams like the lottery.

(BREATHES DEEPLY) And
they trick poor dopes

into buying tickets they can't afford.

Only a dollar

Scratch and you'll holler

I've got a one-in-
million chance to win.


Bleeding Gums would've been furious.

He hated gambling.

Really? How do you know?

Because I'm Bleeding
Gums's biggest expert.

I edit his web page.

All right, all right,
working on that title.

And I made a bust of his embouchure.

So that's what an embouchure is.

I learned something today.

And now to forget it.

Gone.

- ♪ Scratch that itch
- ♪ Scratch that itch

I can buy a diamond
collar for my bitch


Sólo un dólar

Scratch y usted llegará holler

That's the end of our pitch.

- (LISA GROANS)
- Oh, lighten up, Lisa.

As Jesus said,
"You've got to play to win."

He didn't say that.

After he turned water into wine,
he said a lot of stuff

that he didn't remember in the morning.

Hey, Sticks, Soaky, Count Four Count,

Hi Hat Pat, The Three Bottoms,

- Salty Joe and the Irregular Heartbeats...
- (PLAYS CHORD)

...No Nickname Henderson,
Daly Night, Nighty Day,

and the Backup Boys.

Ooh, woo, ooh

We're expendable.

I am sure you're all as upset as me.

Hell yeah!

- About what?
- About Bleeding Gums's music

being misappropriated by the lottery.

It happens all the time.

America's only original art form
is stealing Black music.

Well, there's only one way to stop them:

boycott the lottery.

Shh. They're announcing
the lotto numbers.

(EXCITED CHATTER)

BROCKMAN: Six, ,

, ...

- (DISAPPOINTED CHATTER)
- Oh, man. Come on.

Let me tell you something, people.
One more number,


and I'm a winner.

If it happens,
that's the last you'll see of me.

I despise this town,

especially the death-stalking ghouls

who watch local news.

And the last number is...

- (CHIME SOUNDS)
- . I lost.

(GROANS)

In other news, Kent Brockman's
"Hooray for Springfield!"

airs tomorrow at : .

(CHUCKLES): Oh, I love this town.

Just once,
I want to be one of those guys

who wins the lottery and
blows it on a single binge

that haunts him to his grave.

(LISA SIGHS)

Aw, what's wrong?

A jazz god's work has
been misappropriated.

But I'm gonna fix it.

Come here, kid. This is important.

Lisa, if you ever listen to
one thing I say, it's this:

don't try to save anyone or anything.

Please, please, do not waste your time

chasing lost causes.

The environment? It's over.

Democracy? Hanging by a thread.

Broadcast television?
Only losers still watch that.

- (DRILL WHIRS)
- (MAN SCREAMING)


So promise me you won't waste time

on this jazz dealy.

You have my word.

I won't waste any more
time on lost causes.

(QUIETLY): Because time spent
on lost causes is never wasted.

What did you just mutter?

Something that undercut what I said.

That's my girl.

The Springfield Lottery has been accused

of misappropriating a
revered musician's work.

Tonight, because... (CHUCKLES)

...this crap station
is still stuck with me,

I'm hosting a debate between the
state lottery and Lisa Simpson,

who has anointed herself

the world's foremost
Bleeding Gums Murphy expert.

I'm still working on that name.

But I can tell you

he would not want his incredible music

used for this carnival of greed
known as the lottery.

- Little girl, you claim to know everything about Mr. Murphy.
- I do.

- Do you even know his first name?
- Oscar.

- Do you know his favorite key?
- B-flat.

Mm, that's right.
Favorite brand of reed?

Légère.

Favorite type of jazz?

- Straight-ahead.
- Huh.

Do you know the name
of his first recording?

Well, his first album was
Broken Elevator Blues.

- Yes...
- But his first recording

was at Minton's Playhouse

playing alongside Thelonious Monk

when Bleeding Gums was .

Hmm, right again.

She'll know this. She'll know this.

Aha. How old is his son?

He has a son?

- (BUZZER BUZZES)
- (GASPS)

I did not know that.

No further questions, Your Honor.

But this isn't a courtroom.

Overruled.

- We'll be right back.
- (MUSICAL STING PLAYS)

(CRYING) I feel like a fool.

How could I love someone so much

and not know something
so important about him?

Don't worry, Lisa.

- To me, you're perfect.
- I am?

Yes. But I'm just an image
created by your mind,

so I say what you want.

Oh, that's pleasant.

Come on, Lis. Let's play Target Lisa.

Sorry, I'm too sad.

I can barely play the
soulless sounds of Kenny G.

No one likes Kenny G.

That's why they k*lled
Kenny A through F.

I didn't even know my hero had a son.
(SNIFFLES)

Watching you cry makes
me feel the need to act.

Ah, much better.

I'm gonna find your son.

And I'm gonna find out what he thinks

about the way your songs are being used.

Well, here's a clue. I named him
after my favorite piano player.

Monk. M-Monk Murphy.

That's right.
Now that you've got the name,

just check the phone book.

What's a phone book?

I have been dead a long time.

Hi. I'm Lisa Simpson.

And you're Monk Murphy.

Oh, my God.
You look just like your father.

Let me guess.

You're one of the
musicians my dad mentored.

Do you want to come in
and see pictures of him?

Well, I don't want
to impose on your time.

- Okay.
- Oh, yes! Please, please, please.

Let me just tell you, I loved your dad.

For a blues musician,
he could really cheer people up.

Just thinking about him makes me smile.
(CHUCKLES)

And I found out he recorded
a song just for you.

"Monk's New Tune."

(SINGING ALONG): ♪ Before I
was saved by my better half


I once disappeared

In a black-and-white photograph.

Please, I'm sorry.

That's not something I can enjoy.

I understand. You miss your dad.

I do. But I can't enjoy music

because I can't hear it. Never could.

I was born profoundly deaf.

Oh. But this whole time we were talking,

- you seemed to hear everything.
- I read lips.

Then read this:

I'm your dad's biggest fan.

(CHUCKLES) Did you love
him as much as I do?

Yes. He was a great dad.

He even refereed my soccer games.

(WHISTLE BLOWS, JAZZ TUNE PLAYS)

- (LISA EXHALES)
- You know,

his whole world was music and me.

So he took it kind of hard

when he found out that I couldn't hear.

(CLANGING LOUDLY)

_

This boy's hearing loss is so profound,

you could fire a g*n
right next to his head,

and he wouldn't hear it.

That's not how you tested him, is it?

Of course not.

There have been great advancements,
though.

With a cochlear implant

combined with auditory
and language therapy,

he could potentially hear quite well.

But I have to warn you,
like any important medical miracle,

it's only for rich people

and doctors who get a huge discount.

(LAUGHS)

Son, I'm gonna work night and day

to get you that cochlear implant.

Uh, do you have any other
skills besides playing jazz?

I also teach jazz.

Uh, how are you paying
for this appointment?

With this.

Looks like about $ .

Yeah. I had a good month.

Wow. That must be when your father wrote

"Sixteen Bucks Just Ain't Enough."

Do you still want to get
the cochlear implant?

I do. Very much.

But I take after my dad.

He played jazz for a living.
I run a nonprofit.

I make a lot more than
he did but not enough.

Wait. Did you know they're
using your dad's song

for the Springfield Lottery?

Oh, my God. What? But he hated gambling.

I know. Did he tell you that?

Uh, no. I learned it on the website,

Bleeding Gummy Bears.

(CHUCKLES): Yes!
Finally nailed the title.

But the lottery must
be giving you money.

Enough for the implant. Right?

Nope. I'm afraid
I haven't gotten any money.

I'm sorry, what?
I was destined to find you.

My new mission in life
is to make you happy.

You're my new cause.

Hold up. I'm not anybody's cause.

I enjoy who I am. I love my community.

And, you know, sometimes I like
turning off annoying sounds

by just closing my eyes.

Oh, yes. I hate annoying noises.

Now just listen.
Here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna bring those
publishers to their knees.

You and I are g...

...gonna lawyer up, and I...

Then, eventually,
the Supreme Court will hear...

...going to restore your dad's legacy.

Now? I have to eat.
I have a blood sugar thing.

It's so much easier if you
don't work against me here.

It's cool. They know me here.

(COUGHS)

(RASPY VOICE):
Mind if I open this window?

This place has windows?

(COUGHS) I'm home.

Ooh, they put up a memorial wall.

That's McCoy Tyner.
He played with Coltrane.

Gerald Wilson,
the west coast Duke Ellington.

And look, Sarah Vaughan. (GASPS)

Oh, no. Etta Pryor passed?

No, baby, I didn't.

I am not gonna lean
against this wall anymore.

Now scat. (CHUCKLES) No, no, no.
Baby, please.

Not that kind of scatting.

(SCATTING)

We just wanted some
information about my dad.

Monk Murphy? (CHUCKLES)

Your dad used to bring you here
when you was just a baby.

You know,
I wrote so many songs about you.

Like, uh, um, um,
"Please Change the Baby's Diaper."

"That Baby Spit Up on My Good Dress."

And "Who Brings a Baby to a Jazz Club?"

Now, that was a smash hit.

Oh, it's so good to see you again.

No one knew your dad better than me.

I knew him better than his mama,

his preacher and his supplier

at the Sunglass Hut.

Great. Who owns the rights to his music?

I don't know. But I do know this.

Let me tell you about Bleeding Gums.

He was a scoobedy, scoobedy,
scoobedy, scoobedy man


With no business sense

Oh, look, don't you listen to him,


'cause nobody knew
Bleeding Gums like me.

I went on tour with him,
tour with him, tour with him


Tour with him,
tour with him through the ' s


- ♪ Bad businessman
- ♪ Yeah, through the ' s

- ♪ Went on tour with him, tour with him, tour with him
- ♪ Bad business, bad business

- ♪ Tour with him, tour with him through the ' s
- ♪ Bad businessman

- ♪ Havana, New Orleans, Manhattan
- ♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad

- ♪ And Tokyo, Paris and Amsterdam
- ♪ Bad businessman

- ♪ In the ' s
- ♪ Not helping, not helping

- ♪ He was a bad, bad
- ♪ Not helping, not helping

- ♪ In the ' s
- ♪ Not helping, not helping.

(COUNT AND ETTA SCATTING)

Oh, what's that?

"Treasured Artist Records."
His publisher.

That's where we go.

- ♪ Bad businessman
- ♪ Through the ' s.

Now we'll find out who's
selling your dad's music.

- "Check Is in the Mail Publishing."
- (SHOW TUNE PLAYS)

"Fair Shake Records, a Subsidiary

- of Exploitainment Partners."
- (LATIN MUSIC PLAYS)

- "Rhythm and Soul Records, Harvey Whitebread, Owner."
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)

Ugh. Oh! Here we are.

Look, before I can even talk to you,
sign this. Please.

Why'd you do that?

All I got was "please."

That mustache makes
his lips hard to read.

Ah, thanks. I work hard
on not having readable lips.

Or handwriting. Or fingerprints.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

How could you sell Bleeding Gums's song

to the lottery?
It belongs to him and his family.

No, you're right.
Uh, Bleeding Gums wrote it.

Then he came to us to distribute it.

He should've read the
contract boilerplate,


which we never showed him
nor told him actually existed.


And, boy, is there a lot of boilerplate.

But, uh, he got his share.

"Worldwide royalties, cents"?

This is half of what they promised.

This is the st century, bub,

where artists own their work.

Although they often have
to release it for free

on the Internet.
But we are gonna sue you.

We don't own the rights anymore.

We sold them to a powerful consortium

including Nike, Lay's potato chips,

Turkish oligarchs and Evil Corp.

His hologram's been on tour in Europe.

(SAXOPHONE PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)

Oh, I been so lonely

Since the day I was born

All I got is this rusty

This rusty old horn.

Well, you tell your consortium

that there's pounds of trouble

standing right here.

It could take years
and years to b*at them,

but you're into that, right?

- (SIGHS) Not really.
- What?

I'm happy. Let me rephrase that.

I was happy

until a little girl came
and told me I wasn't.

Please, stop helping me.

No, no, no, no, no.
Give me one more chance.

Read my lips.

Nope.

I guess you were right, Dad.

I'm ready to quit.

I'm proud of you, sweetie.

I've never even tried.

I'm very proud of you, boy.

I'm going to my room.

Nothing beats a lonely, dark room

after a giant mistake.

Love you. (SLURPS)

Mm. I think something's wrong with Lisa.

Something was wrong with Lisa.

Good news, Marge. I got it all handled.

Oh, boy.

Maybe I should talk to her.

She just told me she agreed
with everything I said.

If you interfere,
it'll ruin all my hard work

and send this home into a tailspin

that it may never recover from.

(SIGHS) Are you sure she's okay?

(SAXOPHONE PLAYS MELANCHOLY JAZZ)

She's in her happy place, sad music.

All right, then.

Good night, sweetie.

Uh, sweetie? Could you close your eyes?

They're really bright.

(MARGE GROANS)

Can't face tomorrow.

This is so sad.

What's on the B side?

- _
- Oh.

Hmm.

I'm taking a walk.

I just wish you were here.

You always knew what to say.

Little Lisa,

I'm always magically here for you,

like Will Smith in
The Legend of Bagger Vance

or, better yet, Morgan Freeman
in Driving Miss Daisy.

(PLAYING THEME FROM DRIVING MISS DAISY)

May I drive you
to the Kwik-E-Mart, Miss Lisa?

(SOUTHERN ACCENT): Yes, Hoke.

And teach me about
equality and civil rights

in a way that doesn't
make me feel too guilty.

In return, in years,

I will ask you your last name.

(CHUCKLES): Hey, whoa.
What are you doing?

I was forming an unlikely friendship.

Hey, me, too. Against how many odds?

All.

(NORMAL VOICE):
But I see you as so much more than that.

It's your legacy I'm fighting for.

And evil corporations can't
win against someone like me

who has a big heart, gumption and...

Oh, crap.

I'm just a kid, this is real life,

and there's only so much I can do.

All right. I surrender to reality.

Little Lisa,

you're finally starting to understand

what the blues is all about.

(LISA GROANS)

Is this where Monk Murphy works?

Yes. He's directing a
production of Richard III.

I believe it's the first time
an eight-year-old deaf girl

- has played that role.
- Wow. I am so there.

Now is the winter of our discontent

made glorious summer
by this son of York.

Son of York!

Son of York!

A mentor. Just like your dad.

Uh, I came to apologize.

Hey, you really don't need
to apologize to me.

Oh, really? But I worked so hard on it.

Four drafts. Single-spaced.

It's really good.

How about you just give me the gist?

Sure. You'll love the gist.
It's such a great gist.

Okay, here we go.

"Your dad saved me once
when I was really sad.

"So when I found out you existed,

"even before I met you,

"I thought saving you somehow
was what I was meant to do.

"Now I know the right thing to do

"would have been to just listen to you

when you said you didn't
need or want saving."

Awesome. And guess what?
I'm getting the implant.

(GASPS) That's wonderful.

How did you get the money?

I finished ninth in the lottery.

"Get in it to win it,
it just takes a minute."

Ugh. Forget I asked.

- _
- Okay, I'm about to activate the device.

This is gonna be so great.

I've picked something very special

for the first sounds you'll ever hear.

- _
- (GROANS)

Screw you, Bart!

"Screw you, Bart"? I heard that.

Wow. Beautiful.

Woo-hoo! A forgotten prank
made me the center of attention.

Oh, no, no, that's not it.

This is what I wanted you to hear.

("MONK'S NEW TUNE" PLAYING)

Well, I hear the man say

Heads up, fellas

I hear the band play

Monk's new tune

My ears hear

The music my hands

Were blessed to play.

Oh, my God.

I can hear his voice for the first time.

Thank you, Lisa.

This is totally going on the website.

Oh, you made an old jazz man happy,
little Lisa.

Also, uh... what's a website?

("HAPPY TALK" PLAYING)

Happy talk,
keep talkin' happy talk


Talk about things
you'd like to do


You've got to have a dream

If you don't have a dream

How you gonna have
a dream come true?


Couldn't you dream us
getting better seats?

Much better.

Ooh, you've got to have a dream

If you don't have a dream

How you gonna have
a dream come true?


Shh.
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