Herman, would you like
to go to a movie tonight?
Oh, thank you, dear, but
I'm working on my hobby.
Uh, Herman? Hmm?
You're supposed to build
the ship inside the bottle.
How are you gonna get it in when
it's finished? No trouble at all, dear.
It's easy when you cheat.
Grandpa, how 'bout you? Would
you like to take me to the movies?
Movies? What's playing?
To k*ll a Werewolf and
Vampires of Blood Alley.
Lily, I go to the
movies for escapism.
I don't wanna see everyday
people doing everyday things.
Besides, I have to help
Eddie with his homework.
Oh. Again?
How about Marilyn?
Maybe she'll go with me.
She went over to one
of her girlfriend's home.
Well, that's it. Hmph.
Herman has his hobbies,
Grandpa and
Eddie study together,
Marilyn has her
school friends, and...
what do I have?
Absolutely nothing.
Well, I'm not just gonna sit
around here and deteriorate.
Why not? I've been
doing it for years.
Well, even if I'm not
needed around here,
I can still make a useful
contribution to society.
I'm going to get a job!
- A job?
- A Job?
A job!
Oh, Marilyn, here's
one: "Secretary wanted.
Must type words a minute."
She can't even write a note to
the milkman without a dictionary.
There's one, Aunt Lily.
"Comptometer operator wanted."
"Comptometer operator."
She'd probably get the thing
out in traffic and hit somebody.
Well, Marilyn, I have six
or seven ads circled here.
I want to get started early.
Would you come upstairs
with me and help me
choose something nice
to wear to the interviews?
I want to look my very best.
Yes, Aunt Lily. It's very important
you make a good impression.
You know something, Grandpa? I think
she's very serious about getting a job,
and I am totally against it!
What am I gonna do?
Herman, listen to me.
Lily is not going to get a
job. She has no experience.
Take my advice and just
ignore the whole thing.
You don't think I
should stand up to her?
Order her to
give up this idea...
and put my foot down as
lord and head of the household.
No, I don't.
Well, good,
'cause every time I do
that, she laughs at me.
Well, Mr. Franklin?
I... I'm sorry, Mrs. Munster,
but I just remembered.
We filled this
position this morning.
[Engine Starts]
Ready now, Irving.
This is Colette.
[Sighs]
That will do, Colette.
But he didn't say anything.
His eyes plainly said no. Well!
Next, this is Millicent.
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no. no, no, no.
I think not, Millicent.
I hope he gets a concussion.
Irving, my new
line of clothes...
is not designed for the
Northwest Mounted Police.
I need a model. A
model who is different.
Someone with a, a
warm, exotic flamboyance.
Someone, in short,
my dear Irving,
who has great... flair!
There's more
waiting, Mr. Brastoff.
Would you come in, please?
This is Lily.
That's what I call flair!
Oh! Thank you.
[Laughs] Irving,
she's enchanting.
Tell those other girls
they can go home now.
Yes, Mr. Brastoff.
Lily. Lily, my dear, I don't
know when I've seen a model...
who so perfectly
reflects the exotic and
mysterious appeal of
my new line of dresses.
Oh! Oh, thank you.
You see, what I am trying to do
here is to recreate the kind of allure...
that was reflected by
women like, oh, Theda Bara.
They called her "The Vamp."
That's short for "vampire."
But, of course, you wouldn't
know anything about that.
Oh, yes, I would! That's a very
common nickname in my family.
Anyway, what I'm attempting
here also in certain of my dresses...
is to bring back
an era that is gone.
I'm trying to revive the
dead, if you like. If I like?
I've always thought
that was a fun thing.
Lily, I can just picture my
customers' faces at my next showing...
when you come out in a
Lazlo Brastoff original creation...
and float around the room.
Oh! Like this?
Lily, you're magnificent!
Oh! I rush to embrace you!
Ah-ah-ah! Tut-tut, Mr. Brastoff.
Lily, you're hired!
Grandpa, it's bad enough
having my wife working,
but I just cannot stand for
Lily being a fashion model.
Now, Herman, let's not be
too hasty. It may not be all bad.
After all, modeling is a
very respectable profession.
Well, maybe.
And she'll make good
money, and the work is easy.
Why, all she has to do is just
put on the latest creations and...
walk up and down in
front of the customers.
Well, I guess
you could be right.
- Now, when these men...
- Men?
Well, you know. Most of the
out-of-town buyers are men.
You know what they look like. You've
seen their pictures in the magazines.
Those handsome,
well-dressed fellows...
with two or three
chicks on each arm.
I'll bet those rascals
have a ball every day...
just sitting there and
watching those models
come out in negligees
and swimsuits...
[Chuckling] And take
'em out to dinner at night.
You ain't kiddin', Herman.
Boy, I tell you. There must be a lot of
hanky-panky goes on in that business.
[Laughing]
I just remembered. The hanky
they'll be playing panky with is my wife.
You know, you're right. It's not
only your wife, it's my daughter.
Lily! Lily!
You come right
down here this minute!
I am not gonna let her
take that job, and that's that!
Uncle Herman, you were calling
Aunt Lily? You're darn right I was.
I want you to get
that man-chasing
home-wrecker right
down here, tout de suite!
You can't mean Aunt
Lily. I can and I do.
Now get her down here! Well,
I'm afraid I can't, Uncle Herman.
You see, she left about an
hour ago for her modeling job.
But...
She left an hour ago for
her modeling job. [Grunts]
Well, Herman, what
do you think of that?
I'm so mad, I could go
right through the ceiling!
[Crash]
Herman! Herman, will you come down
here and talk this thing over sensibly?
This is no time to
be hiding in the attic!
Eddie, have you seen
your father and Grandpa?
Oh, they're down in the
dungeon working on something.
It must be real neat because
when I knocked on the dungeon door,
they told me to get lost.
You suppose they're figuring out
some way to keep Mom from working?
Eddie, where did
you hear about that?
Some people have
awfully big ears.
Neat, isn't it?
Grandpa, what are you
doing with all these little jars?
Well, Herman, if Lily's going
to have a job as a model,
we are gonna
fight fire with fire.
You mean we're gonna burn
down the place where she's working?
No, Herman. If she is
gonna make you jealous,
you are gonna
make her jealous...
by becoming a playboy.
Oh!
You know, I've always
fancied myself as a playboy.
Georgie Jessel has
always been my idol.
Yeah, well, my instant disguises
are a little more up to date than that.
Mel Torme.
Dean Martin.
"Pat Boone"? How
did that get in here?
"Mr. Clean"?
Herman, don't laugh.
He's a real big swinger when
he's not making commercials.
Don't let that earring fool ya.
Oh! Here it is! [Laughs]
Frank Sinatra. Oh,
good, good, fine.
Give me one of those. [Laughing]
You know, I've always felt
rather simpatico with Frankie.
Okay, Herman, down the hatch.
[Gulps]
Ring-a-ding-ding.
What's the matter, Grandpa?
Don't I grab you?
No, Herman. You're not
as young as you used to be.
I don't think you're
up to being Sinatra.
In fact, these days, I don't know
if Sinatra is up to being Sinatra.
Let me see now. "Mickey Rooney."
"Cesar Romero."
No, no.
Richard Burton.
Oh, good.
But I'm surprised they
let these in the country.
Don't you see they're
marked "for adults only"?
Ain't exactly taking
kiddies' aspirin there.
There you go, Herman.
Cheerio.
[Gulps]
To be or not to be.
That is the question.
No. No, I don't
think so, Grandpa.
I just want to make Lily jealous,
not drive her out of her mind.
Listen, Herman, if you're
going to be a playboy,
I've got just the thing.
[Laughs] A Texas playboy!
Why are the Texas pills so big?
Well, only one-eighth is
chemical. The rest is baloney.
Go ahead. Force it down.
[Gulps]
Y'all come by and see us
at the ranch anytime, hear?
[Laughing]
Oh, Herman, you're irresistible!
Any woman who saw you
now would just flip her lid.
Uncle Herman, will
you be home for lunch?
[Laughing]
Oh, Uncle Herman, you're the funniest
thing I've ever seen in my whole life!
What are you trying to do, gonna
play cowboys and Indians with Eddie?
No, I'm not. And furthermore,
I won't be home for lunch.
Oh, all right.
[Continues Laughing]
If I'm so irresistible, how
come Marilyn laughed at me?
Herman, I think I better put a
little insurance in this package.
Now, when you walk into that
shop where Lily is modeling,
you are going to have a
beautiful girl on your arm.
But I don't want to go
there with a strange girl.
Herman, please. I'll
mix one up for you.
And now, I'm gonna
add a touch of - - .
I'll have a beautiful girl
for you in ten seconds.
Grandpa, are you
sure this will work?
Well, I... Herman,
of course it'll work!
It'll work percent!
[Grandpa's Voice] Well,
what do you think, big boy?
I guess I'll have to
settle for percent.
Come on, Herman.
Let's get going.
Uh, you know something, Grandpa?
Every husband should have
a father-in-law just like you.
[Woman Announcing]
Here we see Carlotta again,
this time in a sparkling
two-piece ensemble.
So correct and charming for
both those special parties...
and delightful
home entertaining.
And now for his most
exclusive collection,
Lazlo Brastoff presents a beautiful
pure silk suit in tones of blue.
Oh, beautiful! Beautiful!
Well, thank you, Mr. Brastoff.
No, not you. The suit!
Lily! Mmm! You are magnificent!
Oh, Lily, you are
out of this world.
Oh, thank you, but I
haven't been there for years.
Mr. Brastoff, I have such news for
you that I think I shall just go to pieces.
Irving, you're
stealing my thunder.
Girls, in the audience... And
I saw it with my own eyes...
There's a wealthy
Texan with his girlfriend!
He would have his
girlfriend. That's exactly
what I'm in the market
for... a wealthy Texan.
I guess you wouldn't be
interested, though, would you, Lily?
Oh, my! Certainly not.
I have the most wonderful.
Handsome, sweetest,
kindest man waiting at
home for me. Oh, lucky you!
I could travel to the
four corners of the
earth, and I'd never
find anybody like that.
Ah, true, true.
Mmm! Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
Now another Brastoff triumph.
Sheer magic, as worn by one
of our top models, Lily Munster.
[Woman] Lily is featuring one of
the true Lazlo Brastoff originals...
Black velvet pants
with a lovely leopard top.
The hat is Russian fox and
is ostentatiously detailed...
by the specially
designed lengthy fox stole.
Now isn't that exquisite?
It's working
beautifully, Herman.
Did you see that look on
her face when she spotted us?
Wasn't that
something? [Chuckling]
Just keep ignoring her.
Yeah.
Grandpa, you've had a lot of
ideas in your time, but this is...
Grandpa. Grandpa.
The cigar, the cigar.
Oh, yeah, I forgot myself.
Wha... Here.
[Chuckles] Wait'll
Lily comes out again.
This time we'll
really lay it on thick.
She'll quit her job
right on the spot.
Here we see Carlotta again,
this time in a sparkling
two-piece ensemble.
So correct and charming for
both those special parties...
and delightful
home entertaining.
The top is pure silk with a
tapered full-length sheet of ivory silk.
What a wolf! Did you see
that look that Texan gave me?
This is working out
great. [Chuckling]
Watch it. Here she comes.
- Now this time, Lily truly sparkles.
- How am I doin', Herman?
Great. I'll tell you
one thing, Grandpa.
It's a whole lot better than when
you turned yourself into a frog.
Diamond-studded shoes add
an extra touch of brilliance...
to one of Lazlo Brastoff's most
beautiful and eye-catching originals.
Lily, you're sure to
be the belle of any ball.
Lovely. Thank you.
What happened? Grab the chair!
Oh, this is terrible!
Here, help me pull it off!
[Woman] Somebody do
something! Oh, my, my!
Madam, I'm so terribly
sorry! Oh, this is terrible.
Watch it, buster! Huh?
What's the matter? Haven't
you ever seen a girl before?
Say, listen, you. Take your
hands off my grandfather.
Grandfather?
Lazlo Brastoff, you have had it.
But, Lily, dear, you've
got to believe me.
It was just a misunderstanding.
Huh! The next thing you'll be telling me
is that blonde on your arm was Grandpa.
But I tell you, it was Grandpa!
You got that job modeling, and I
was just trying to make you jealous.
Oh, that is the most ridiculous
story I have ever heard!
But, Lily, it's true!
Grandpa's downstairs
now, getting the potion.
And when he comes walking
through that door as a beautiful girl,
you're gonna throw yourself in
my arms and beg forgiveness...
just like Constance Bennett
does on the late, late show.
[Knocking] There's
Grandpa now. [Chuckling]
Come in, dear.
But, Grandpa, you're not a
girl at all! What happened?
What happened? It's empty.
Somebody drank the rest of the potion.
Oh, now I've heard everything!
But, Lily! Lily,
dear... [Knocking]
Can I come in, Mom? Yes, Eddie.
Eddie, what happened to you?
I don't know. I drank something in
Grandpa's lab I thought was a soft drink...
and now look what happened.
It's true!
Oh, Herman!
Oh, Herman, please forgive
me for ever doubting you.
Thank you, Constance Bennett.
Grandpa, how long
will I stay this way?
I don't know. Two,
maybe three hours.
Give you a chance to
learn how the other half lives.
But I've gotta pitch on the school
baseball team this afternoon.
What will I do?
Pray for rain or learn
to pitch underhanded.