02x22 - Stray Dogs

[bunniefuu]

Daddy had decided to blend families
with my high-school nemesis.

Our house closed,

and so did our conversations.

So, what's the plan here Tess?

You still have another year of school.

Live with my grandmother,
commute to Chatswin,

finish up, get the hell out.

You gonna tell me I can't?
'Cause I'm almost 18.

No, I am not saying you can't.
I'm saying I wish you wouldn't.

Well, there's lots of things
I wish you wouldn't do,

like continue to make decisions
with no regard for my feelings.

I know that's what it seems like I'm doing,

but I assure you I...

Why don't you just keep
telling yourself that, George?

'Cause I'm not gonna be around to hear it.

Tessa!

- Tessa.
- I hope the three of you are happy together.

Have a nice life.

Oh, and Dalia doesn't even like you.

She's just using you to
make her real dad jealous.

So good luck with that!

Tessa, can I just say

that I didn't know what was
going on with you and Dalia?

- Had I known, I... I never would've accept...
- (Door slams)

(Exhales deeply)

I've never seen her like this before.

- Are we making a mistake?
- Mm.

- Maybe this is all too much.
- No. No.

I... I read every one of those
books that Sheila gave me,

and they all said the same thing.

You can't let the kids call the sh*ts.

We as parents have to do
what's right for the family.

What if we're wrong about what's right?

Daddy Altman?

(Door closes)

Since we're gonna be
one big happy family now,

will you take me to the
father-daughter Purity Ball?

The what?

The father-daughter Purity Ball.

(Harp plays glissando)

This is our chance to restore decency,

to take our daughters gently by the weave

and say, "slow down, you little ratchet."

Hmm.

Do the girls have to be pure to attend?

Because I'm not showing any
virgins currently enrolled here.

Oh, I think we have at least one. (Laughs)

But I'm not here to boast
about Lisa's late-blooming.

The times, they have A-changed,

and it is up to us

to A-change them back.

(Alih Jey) * last night I
had a pleasant nightmare *

♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪

(Telephone rings)

Hi, grandma. It's me, Tessa.

Tessa! Are you well?

I'm okay. I've been better.

Um...

I need something. I mean...

I mean, I need...

you, if possible.

Tessa, you're making me
nervous. What's going on?

It's nothing. It's just...

my dad.

I don't want to live with him anymore,

which is why I was wondering if

it might be possible for

me to come live with you next year.

Well, you know I'm not really
set up for a second person.

You know, with just the one bathroom.

Right.

Oh, sweetie, I hate to disappoint you.

How about you come again
for part of the summer?

Is it okay if I call you back later?

- O... okay. Bye-bye.
- (Beep)

(Beep)

Mom?

Who was that?

Tessa.

(Daughter's "Landfill" playing)

Since grand-mama had
left me for the wolves,

I sought refuge

in the one place that
I had always felt safe.

♪ Push me out to sea ♪

♪ on a little boat
that you made out... ♪

You're leaving.

She's leaving.

What's gonna happen to me?

You'll be fine.

You'll be...

queen of the Purity Ball.

Mm, well...

technically, that's impossible.

Malik's been buttering my
bread since President's day.

Don't tell mom.

I can't believe I am in boxes again.

I feel like I just got out of boxes.

(Gasps) O.M.G., George! Look.

This one in Chatswin Hills

- has a custom leather living room.
- (Cell phone chimes)

Leather living room?

It's a work of art.

It's an overpriced wooden box.

Look at the square footage. It's tiny.

Check out the lot size.
We could always expand.

We could expand.

What kind of couch would you
put in a leather living room?

Me, I'd probably do a marble sectional.

(Chuckles) Sounds comfy.

While George and Dallas were

out looking for a new love nest,

I was adjusting to life in the toilet.

Oh. This looks lovely.

- Thank you.
- Welcome.

(Crunching)

Mm. (Gulps)

(Mouth full) So does your dad know

you're living in a restroom?

He thinks I'm at Helen's.

Why don't you stay at our place?

Because, Lisa.

Because.

Yeah. No. That's true.

I'm just tired over of it, you know?

I'm just tired of everybody expecting

I'm just gonna do whatever
the hell they want.

Amen.

And that I'm just gonna grin and bear it?

Well, I'm done grinning
and I'm done bearing it.

You should see this dress
that my mother wants me to wear

to this Purity Ball of hers.

It's a frickin' bridal gown.

Do they not realize that
we are almost adults?

They can't just tell us
how it's gonna be anymore.

And we're not just gonna choke down

a cup of undercooked neon noodles

just to avoid hurting some
homeless woman's feelings. (Thud)

(Lid creaking)

That was delicious, though. Thank you.

But, George... leather living room!

(Laughs) I know.

And did you see that lighting fixture?

It was rustic meets sparkly.

It was the perfect representation of us.

Well, maybe we can find a
lighting fixture like that

and put it in a house
that's still on the market,

because that one has an accepted offer.

Unless you wanna put in a backup offer.

Yeah, but you don't love it.

Well, no, but, uh, I could live with it.

I could learn to love it.

Ooh. I gotta get going. (Clears throat)

I gotta run by home

and get ready for my big date with Dalia.

Um, George?

- Yeah?
- Can I be honest with you?

I'm not real sure you should
be taking Dalia to this event.

Dalia wants to go. If I
don't take her, who will?

♪

(Gasps)

Hi, Dallas.

That's a nice dress. Is is Cavalli?

♪

He's not her father.

He can't be parading
around like he's her father.

Steven, you need to find
another way to express yourself.

You can't go around punching people.

I don't go around punching people.

I just punch him.

I... I don't know what it is.
I just find him very punchable.

- Mommy, is he okay?
- Yeah, he's... he's okay.

Hey, you leave my daughter alone!

I thought that was your job.

(Punch lands) Aah!

- Ooh!
- Daddies!

Stop fighting over me.

What are you doing here anyway?

I thought you were off living in Singapore.

I am in Singapore! Ooh! Hey!

That reminds me... My
beautiful wife Wan'er!

Come on!

Hello!

- (Imitates Wan'er) Hello!
- (Imitates Wan'er) Hello!

I want that tiny hat.

Sweetheart, give her the tiny hat.

- No.
- Yes.

Wan'er, I've heard so much.

(Both air kiss)

Hey, George, sorry about the punching,

but I need to impress upon
you that I am her father.

Just because I'm not around
doesn't give you the right...

Yes, it does! It gives me
every right, you big baby.

Being a father isn't a title you hold

like a some fighter's belt.

It's an active job. And if
you aren't there to do it,

- somebody else has to.
- (Punch lands) Uhh! (Groans)

Stop hitting daddy Altman!

You stop calling him that!

I'm so starving, you guys.

- Can we go get sushi?
- I could do sushi.

George? Rainbow roll?

I don't think George
feels like a rainbow roll.

(Sighs)

Whoa!

Sheila, we have a doorbell!

As your broker, I
wouldn't have let myself in

if it wasn't important, and it is.

- (Sighs)
- The place you saw today?

That place Dallas fell in love with?

The offer fell through.

They couldn't get their financing together.

I... I cannot think about
this right now, Sheila.

I have a face wound.

Okay. Okay, fine. Let's
weigh all the options.

You can rent something and
flush your money down the toilet.

You can move in with
Dallas and be her bitch.

(Closes door)

Or I can man up

and buy the place my lady is crazy about.

It is squeaky-clean, George.

Copper piping. Closets by Claudia.

Claudia?

And it is a massive lot.

Mature trees. Dogwoods up the wazoo.

- You know something, Sheila?
- What?

You're good at your job.

- (Sheila) How does she do it, folks?
- (Door opens and closes)

She kills it on the work front,

she crushes it at home,

and in her spare time...

Fred? Why aren't you two
dressed for the Purity Ball?

- You're gonna be late.
- Have a seat, dear.

No, I will not have a seat.
Our community is expecting me,

just as they are expecting the two of you.

Well, Sheila, I do
believe their expectations

are not going to be met.

W... not tonight.

Lisa?

Lisa!

You're finally gonna be
the queen of something.

You're a lock! (Chuckles)

Yeah, that's the thing, mother.

I'm not a lock.

Oh, you are too a lock.

She's not a lock, Mrs. Shay.

Oh, I see.

This is your way of telling me

the two of you have been
engaging in premarital sex.

- Is that it, Lisa?
- No.

No, I've never had sex.

Oh! (Laughs) Oh, thank God! I...

But I have made love.

(Gags) Ooh, Fred! The bucket!

I can't fathom why you
would need a bucket, mother.

I love Malik, and Malik loves me.

(Gagging) And we've made love
to each other many, many times,

and it's been fantastic.

Welp... congratulations, Lisa.

One of your most redeeming
qualities isn't yours after all.

(Whispers) Oh. Wow.

My first time was with a girl
I wasn't really in love with.

(Sighs)

And although I... grew to
care deeply for your mother,

there are times I wish I'd trained

with someone a bit more tender.

You know?

- (Inhales deeply) (Whispers)
- Uh-huh.

So bless you both... (Exhales)

for being brave enough
to follow your hearts.

With Lisa out of the picture,

Sheila had to cast her net a little wider.

Inside every girl is a beautiful gift.

Where's the gift from?

Is it from the juniors' section?

No, it's not from the juniors' section.

The point is, the gift
must never be given away...

- (Big Sean's "Dance (ass)" playing) Oh, snizz!
- * Dance, dance, dance, dance *

- That's my jam right there! *
- * Dance, dance, dance, dance *

* now stop *
* dance, dance, dance, dance *

Girls, stop that!

* And make that... hammer time *

No female role model has
the last name "Minaj."

* Go, stupid *

* go, stupid *

(Tessa) Thanks to the
Purity Ball, I had music.

I was getting three squares
out the school vending machine.

I'd never been better.

* Wobble wobble *

* I'm st-stacking my paper *

* my wallet look like a Bible, I got... *

What are you doing here?

I just wanted to tell you
that I'm glad that we broke up.

Cool. So am I.

It's gonna make it a lot easier
for me to leave for college

now that we're no longer in love.

Great. So leave.

I will.

The door's right here.

(Joe Purdy's "Mary May & Bobby" playing)

That's not how you leave.

You don't know how I leave.

♪ It was a fine day
in the fifth grade ♪

♪ when Mary may let Bobby
walk her home from school ♪

♪ and he loved the way her
hair fell across her dress ♪

(Tessa) Ironically,

the playlist for the Purity Ball

was incredibly romantic.

♪ Tenderness, yeah ♪

(The Chapin Sisters' "Toxic" playing)

♪ Baby, can't you see I'm calling? ♪

♪ a guy like you
should wear a warning ♪

Sometimes...

♪ I'm falling ♪

When you want something to be true...

All right, there's a little
step coming up right now.

You'll do anything to
convince yourself that it is.

♪ I need a hit ♪

- And sometimes...
- (Whispers) Stay right there.

Even a blindfold can't stop you from...

♪ I'm loving it ♪

seeing things clearly.

Those better be tears of joy.

(Keys jangle)

We got the place, Dallas. It's ours.

George, I can't.

You...

you're kidding right now.

(Voice breaks) I know you did this for me.

I know you do everything for me.

- But in your heart...
- You're not kidding.

- In your heart...
- Are you crazy?

- In your heart...
- Don't tell me what's in my heart!

Dallas, what?

I bought a house with...

a leather living room. (Chuckles)

My own daughter hates my guts!

I know!

And I know you've been trying
real hard to prove everything,

and that's exactly what
it feels like, George.

I am like this house.

(Voice breaks) You learned to love me.

But it's not the same thing
as being in love with me.

You aren't.

And I don't think you ever were.

You know something?

You're the one

that doesn't love you, Dallas.

You.

And that's why... (Inhales deeply)

you have sabotaged this at every turn.

I have jumped through every freaking hoop,

and you keep moving the hoop!

I'm never gonna convince you, am I?

(Sniffles)

I'm sorry.

Oh, I... I agree. This is very sorry.

You know, I... I should've
listened to Tessa.

She told me Dalia was trying

to play Steven and me against each other.

She had her dad fly in to punch me out?

- What, did that give her some kind of weird satisfaction?
- I had her father fly in!

I called Steven. I did.

Why?

Because I didn't want her
feeling attached to you anymore.

How did this happen?

(Car door closes)

(Engine starts)

Well, I'll tell you one thing!

There's no way that lighting fixture stays!

You hear me?!

I'm getting rid of
that ugly-ass chandelier

that represents us!

(Breathes deeply)

You're going down.

Uhh!

Aah!

(Grunts)

Uhh!

(Grunting) I got you now,

you tacky, gaudy, ugly-ass,

son of a... uhh! (Pants)

(Birds chirping)

(Breathing heavily)

(Dogs barking in distance)

(Panting) What the hell are you looking at?

(The Chapin Sisters' "Shady River" playing)

♪ Sunny morning ♪

♪ sunny afternoon ♪

♪ when it's always June ♪

♪ there's no time to cry ♪

♪ days keep passing ♪

♪ but they're all the same ♪

(panting)

You better not be a girl.

(Barks)

Good.

♪ When I'm tired ♪

- Let's go.
- * And start to think I'm through *

I didn't bother waking
Ryan up to say good-bye.

We'd already said good-bye.

(Blind Pilot's "One Red Thread" playing)

He was going his way, and
I was bound to go mine.

I just didn't know which way I was going...

Not yet.

♪ Oh, from the first
that the line got drawn ♪

Hey, third cousin Jeff.

It's me, Tessa.

♪ One red thread ♪

Altman.

♪ Through the middle of a song ♪

♪ my only one ♪

(train passing) I understand.

Yeah, anyway, it was good to catch up.

Yeah, and if your mom changes her mind...

Okay. Thanks, Rosie.

Hey, uh...

do you know if Chelsea has the same number?

♪ But not the story okay. ♪

- Thanks.
- * In my blood *

♪ when you were the savior ♪

♪ and I was the taker of ♪

- Hey!
- * Oh, where I was *

Hey!

Oh, sorry. Not you. I think that's...

- My mother.
- Oh.

- Hey!
- Hey!

♪ Oh, but, man, oh, man ♪

Um, excuse me. Sorry.

♪ What you want

Um... excuse me.

♪ Oh, man ♪

Alex.

- Hi!
- What are you doing here?

I thought you were back in Berlin.

I was supposed to be,

but Berlin just seemed so far...

from things, so I... I
thought maybe I would...

try something else for a while.

Chatswin?

Look, Tessa, no pressure
whatsoever, really.

I just... wanted to be around

in case you ever...

wanted me around.

For someone who was never around,

she showed up at just the right time.

♪ I have to say there was a mile... ♪

(Phone rings)

Hey, it's Tessa. Leave a message. (Beep)

Hey, Tessa, it's your dad.

I... I guess I just...

I just... I'm calling
'cause... (Inhales deeply)

I just wanna say...

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

You're sleeping over, right?

(Loud thud in distance)

I'm living here.

(Sighs) No.

But I want to.

(Sighs)

I know mommy doesn't
want me attached to you,

but...

it's kind of already too late.

You're a really good dad.

I don't feel like a... really good dad.

But you are one.

Can I sleep here one night?

(Howls)

He'd like you to.

Just, um...

let her know where you are.

Carmen usually sings to me.

Okay.

What's your probs?

(Tunes guitar)

♪ There's an ocean formed
outside my bedroom door ♪

♪ on the sleepless nights,
I listen to it roar ♪

♪ there's a road too long
to walk, too steep to climb ♪

♪ at the end of it is
what you left behind ♪

♪ and when that train rolls in ♪

♪ if the doors open, don't get in ♪

♪ last night I had a
pleasant nightmare ♪

(George) * da-da-da-da *

* da-da-da-da *

* da-da-da-da *

♪ da, da, da, da ♪

♪ I said, da-da-da-da ♪

♪ da-da-da-da ♪

♪ da-da-da-da ♪

♪ da, da, da, da ♪