05x02 - Rise of the Machine

[bunniefuu]

Good morning,
campers.

Before we get started,I have a very
important announcement.

Big Stinky is back!

[ALL GASP]

You're darn
right he is.

And he's going to make this
the best summer ever.

Finn, you're not
Big Stinky.

Have you smelled
his pile of
dirty clothes?

He's not
Small Stinky.

I mean, Big Stinky,as in that nasty
old skunk

who used to terrorize
this camp.

He was recently
seen in the area
by a few counselors

who are sadly
no longer with us.

He k*lled them?

No! They resigned
after he turned his
heinie hose on full blast

and drenched them
in a funky butt bath.

You really
paint a picture
with your words?

Everyone just
stay vigilant.

Moving on,
I am very excited
to announce

that I've decided
to start a day camp
for the little kids

of Moose Rump called
Camp Pee-Wee Waka.

Let's try
that again.

Camp Pee-Wee Waka.

This is only gonna end
if we clap, guys.

Thank you.

And I actually need
a couple of counselors
to volunteer to lead the kids.

What poor sap...

I'm your man!

Noah, I haven't
even given you
all the details yet.

Doesn't matter.

I'm a joiner with
an unhealthy fear
of being excluded.

Wow. Lots to unpack there,but I actually need
two counselors.

Ava volunteers too.

We're two halves
of a counseling
super duo.

Uh, unsubscribe.

Too bad.
No backsies.

You're subscribed first issue's
already in the mail,

and I've lost this metaphor,
but you're doing it.

So, when do those cute little ragamuffins
get here?

[VIBRATING]

I think now.

How many
are there?

[APPROACHING SCREAMS
AND FOOTSTEPS]

Okay.
Nobody panic.

They can sense
your fear.

[THUDDING][ALL SCREAM]

[OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Uh, Lou, you
wanted to see us?

How can I be in trouble already?

There's no way
you found it yet.

Ignoring that.

I called you here today because the camper shave been saying

they want a camp news show.

And you want
me to host it?

Actually, I want you
and Finn to host it.

Destiny, you have your finger
on the pulse of this camp,

and Finn, you have...Your finger in your ear.

What's that?
Speak up!

My finger's
in my ear.

Point is, the camp is much safer when he is busy.

This is so cool.

We can do a hard hitting
news show with a focus
on environmentalism.

It'll be so much more
effective than my
"Shame on you" bulletin board.

Let's see them try
and throw a news
show in the lake.

What do you want
me to do, Lou?

You are
technical director.

You're in charge of sound,
and Finn, and the sounds
that come out of Finn.

I guess it's true.

In showbiz,
you've got to start
at the bottom.

Well, I'm off to dig a hole for the new septic t*nk.

You know what they say?
With a massive influx
of campers,

comes a massive
out-flux.

Again with the word pictures.

All right,
Pee-Wees.

Let's begin our
al fresco adventure
with some introductions.

Who wants to go...They call me

Nadine "The Machine"!
Cha-cha!

I'm a superhero
in training.

And once I find
an archnemesis
to battle,

the "in training" label
gets blown
to smithereens.

Okay, so,
that's a lot.

Why "The Machine"?

Because I'm mostly
made of metal.

It all started in pre-K
when I was trying to leap

seven lunch boxes
in a single bound.

That's how I got
the first pin in my leg.

You're gonna
be fun.

My mom says
I'm the reason

our doctor drives
such a fancy car.

How about we get
to know each other
better through an activity?

Let me take a look
at my sched.

Noah, I don't think
these kids need such
a heavily structured schedule.

Say sched.

It saves time.

Unstructured free time
is how kids learn self
reliance and independence.

There should only
be one rule.

Nobody says "Sched."

Ava, kids need constant guidance
and supervision.

I believe in the three Hs.
Hands-on, Hover
and Hamburgers.

What? I nurture
the mind and the tummy.

I'm nervous.

What if I don't know
what to say?

Also, I didn't know
I was supposed
to dress up.

I would have
worn a shirt
with classier stains.

I got a polo covered
Dijon mustard in here
somewhere.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Pop, pop, pop, pop!
[EXHALES]

Are you okay?

I'm doing
vocal exercises.

You have to warm up
your vocal chords
like a muscle.

Really?

I usually just let my
vocal cords hang out
and eat potato chips.

Okay, we're almost ready.

Can you guys
test your mics?

Wait. I was told
there would be
no test.

And who is this
Mike guy?

Should I have been
more specific?

That's on me.

All right, we're on air
in three, two...

Hello, and welcome
to Talking About Waka.

I'm...

[PLAYING JAUNTY TUNE]

What are you doing?

Playing our
theme song, duh!

The floor is yours.

Anyway, I'm your host,
Destiny Baker.

And I'm Finn, camper.

Here are today's
top headlines.

Big Stinky's reign
of terror continues

as two kids
found themselves

on the wrong end
of his caustic
keister cannon.

And in other news,
campers were shocked
to discover

a rather disturbing
sight in our lake.

A bag of chicken butts.

It was not a bag
of chicken butts.

It was a bag
of trash.

How do you know
it wasn't chicken butts?

Because chickens
don't have butts!

This just in!

Listeners to beon the lookout for
a flock of buttless chickens.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Sorry.

Later, we'll do a deep dive
on the new non-biodegradable
corn dog wrappers.

But first, a list of campers
who don't turn off the water

while they brush
their teeth.

But even first-ier,
I'm going to show everyone

I can fit my whole
fist in my mouth.

Psst, it's radio.

They can't see you.

Right.

Maybe everyone
could listen to me

fit my whole fist
in my mouth.

Let's take
a quick break.

Cool, I'll play us out.

Matteo!

Sorry, it's catchy!

All right!
We've arrived
at Moot Point,

right on sched.

Great. I can look
for my arch nemesis
up here.

Unless they're invisible.

Hyah!

Nope, not there.

[GRUNTS]
Nothing, dang-it!

Anyways,

let's check our
work sheets

to see who identified
the most plants
on the way up.

Or, since this is supposed to be a fun hike
and not a science lesson,

I have a better idea
of these worksheets.

Whee!

Got any other ideas
I can throw off a cliff?

Can you stop
undermining me
with Pee-Wees?

I know what
I'm doing.

Someone even said
I was the best counselor
here last summer.

Your mom
doesn't count.

She does to me!

Well, I was a great counselor
last summer, too.

Eventually.

Well, then, maybe each of us
should take half of the kids

and see whose
method works better.

Structure and supervision?
Or Pee-Wee free for all?

Noah, you want to turn
our sacred duty

of caring for
these children
into a competition?

I'm in.

Deal! Whoa!

Something smells nasty.

If that came
from you,

you just made
a very powerful enemy.

Smells like a skunk.

Oh, no!
Big Stinky!

Continue this contentious yet respectful rivalry back
at camp?

Race you there!
Come on, kids!

Whoosh!

Congratulations on being
in the best group.

Now with Big Stinky
on the loose,

we're going
to be inside,
doing a play.

If you knew me,
you'd know, it was always
going to end this way.

This script is based
on the timeless tale

of arachnophobia
and mid-morning munchies.

Little Miss Muffet.

Two questions.

Who is this
Little Miss Muffet,

and what are
her superpowers?

So, no superpowers
per se.

Just an ordinary girl
who was eating her
curds and whey

when a spider
scared her off.

Sounds kind of weak.

Nadine "The Machine"
would never run away
from a spider.

Well, Little Miss Muffet would, and does.
It's cannon.

[GASPS] So the spider
has a cannon?

Now we're talking.

No, no one has a cannon,
and no more rewrites.

I already changed
the tuffet to a couch.

Lou, will you please tell Little Miss Difficult
over here

that people have
certain expectations
of the classics?

Noah, we are living
in the time of Hamilton.
Loosen up.

What happened
to your hands?

Well, when I was
digging an area
for the new septic t*nk,

I unearthed a family
of gophers.

Oh! That sounds adorable.

Yeah.

Not when they're stripping
the flesh off your fingers

like chicken wings
at a football game!

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm really in the mood
for some chicken wings.

Ironic. I know!

[DESTINY MUMBLING]

Ooh, what's going
on here?

These kids wanted
a tour of the studio
because they love our show.

Really? Was it my
environmental expose?

"Plastic six pack rings.

"A convenient way
to carry your sodas

"or handcuffs
for a dolphin?"

Better. They want me
to teach them how to do
the perfect armpit fart.

So during our afternoon show,
I'll be doing a segment

called Finn's Toot-orials.

Get it?

[LAUGHING]

They do.

But what about
all the breaking news
around camp?

The only thing that's gonna be breaking news...Don't say it!

Wind.

Are you okay?

I just don't get it!

I'm the one talking
about the important stuff,

and they're all listening to the guy
who thinks

we have a third
host named Mike.

Ah, is someone
saying smart stuff

but Finn's getting
all the attention?
[CHUCKLES]

I have no idea
what that feels like!

Hey, if anyone wants
a shout out on the air,

just tell me
who's named
a burp.

Not you,
Alessandra Marie.

I'm only human.

[GRUNTS]

Nadine!

I bet you're glad you leftNoah's group and came
to mine,

where you're free
to explore whatever
you're into.

Madison is
building a fort.

Marcy is playing
with trucks

and Aidan is officiating
a lizard wedding.

Kid of nice not being
the weirdest kid
in the group.

So, what you drawing?

I'm making
a comic book.

This is me
protecting the camp.

That's Noah telling me
to keep to the sketch.

And these are the Pee-Wees
dying of boredom

in a play
with no cannons.

Amazing.

Nadine, if this camp
had a fridge, that
would so be on it.

This camp doesn't
have a fridge?

We're not allowed
to talk about it.

The food here
is legally fine.

Okay, g*ng!
Time for lunch.

Hope everybody's
in the mood
for warm baloney.

Oh, and if anybody
sees Big Stinky,
find Noah,

and hide behind him.

The Machine doesn't hide
from danger!

Big Stinky, prepare
to meet your match.

You saw nothing.

Whoosh!

There you are.
I need to talk
to you.

Whoa. What happened here?

Funny you should ask.

After losing a land battle
and my fingertips

to a family of gophers,
I then had to move
my digging spot.

Then, I hit a pipe
where all the food goes

after we run it through
the garbage disposal.

But please,
what are your problems?

It's about Finn.

He's being completely
unprofessional and ruining
the show.

He isn't even
reading the news.

Uh-oh. How do all
the campers feel
about it?

They love it!

Are you serious?

That's great!

And since it was my idea,
they must love me
by extension.

You know, this is really
going to make up for us
not having a fridge.

Lou, come on!
You have to kick him
off the broadcast.

Destiny, I am covered
in months' old food.

I have a kitchen
full of sweaty cheese.

I... Need a win.

Sorry you're having
a tough time, but,

you're a performer.

If anybody can find
their way back in
the spotlight, it's you.

Now, I would love
to continue this
conversation,

but, um, I have to go
cleaned the broccoli out
of my ears with my nubbins.

Well, my group has completed
ten items on the sched,

including multiple emotional
checks to ensure we're
being our best selves.

My group isn't about
accomplishing anything.

It's about learning
at your own pace.

Mm. And Aidan
has apparently

learned how to gather up
everyone shoes,

put them in a pile
and fall asleep
on them.

Well, lizard weddings
really take it out of you.

The point is,
they're all having fun.

And that's why
Nadine ditched you
to come to me.

Right, Nadine?

Nadine?

She was just sitting here,
making this comic book
where she's the superhero.

And let me guess,
I'm her arch nemesis,
the fun crusher.

Whatever.
I love nicknames.

I'll take it.

Oh, no, you're
not the villain.

Big Stinky is.

This isn't just
a comic book.

These are plans,

and it looks like she went to Moot Point
to find Big Stinky.

We've got
to stop her.

Hey, do you
work here?

Doesn't matter. We need
you to watch these kids,

especially the one
on the shoes.

Big Stinky,

your days of terrorizing
the camp are over!

For I am The Machine!
Cha-cha!

And I will not rest until
you are caught,

or get distracted
by something else.

I'm only eight.

Whoosh!

I'm stuck!

Uh-oh!

Hey! Listen,
Big Stinky!

Those threats from earlier,
that was just business.

Help!

Nadine!

Big Stinky.

We need a plan.

You go free Nadine
while I distract
the skunk.

Good idea.

Try not to get sprayed.

The thought had
occurred to me.

Hey! Big Stinky!
Come get me, you...

You... How do you
insult a skunk?

I don't know!

Tell him he
smells good.

Yes!

Hey, Big Stinky!

Your behind smells
like a bouquet
of fine red roses.

Like tulips in the spring,
like... Something else
that smells good.

[WHISPERING]
It's working.

Of course it is.
I'm a charmer.

But, maybe it's working
a little too well.

Oh, no! Tell my mommy
I love her!

[SCREAMING] No!

[GRUNTS, GROANS]

Ava!

You saved me.

Are you okay?

I'm so cold.

Well, that's understandable.

You're wearing shorts
and it's a brisk day.

I'm so sorry, Ava.

Don't be.

If I had just been
supervising you
like Noah had said,

none of this
would have happened,

and I wouldn't smell like
an egg burp and
a dirty diaper.

It's not all on you.

I'm the one who drove Nadine away
in the first place.

He did.

We should have just
been working together
this whole time,

like we did to save Nadine
instead of being nemesises.

Nemesi? You get my point.

Here.

I won't be needing
this anymore.

I'm not a real
superhero.

A real superhero wouldn't
have been taken down
by a lousy bush.

I guess I'm just
an ordinary kid.

Ordinary?

You've got one
of the best imaginations
of any kid I've ever met,

and I don't know
much about superheroes,

but I know they don't quit
when things get tough, right?

Yeah.

You're only eight.

You have a ton of time
to become a superhero

and find your
arch neme-sauce.

Arch-who?

Your main bad guy.

You're going
to need this
when you do.

If you're looking
for a good villain,

may I suggest Miss Harris,my ninth grade
drama teacher.

What? Noah Lambertis no one's Waiter
number three.

Thanks, guys.

Group hug?

No way.

You smell like a bag
of chicken butts.

Chicken butts?

What, you don't
listen to the news?

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Pop-pop-pop!

Okay, let's start the show.

Aren't we going
to wait for Finn?

He said start
without him.
He's burping

Take Me Out to the Ball game at a softball championship.

That tracks.

Two, one!

Welcome to another installment
of Talking About Waka.
Today's top headlines,

who is stealing
all our shoes?

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

FINN: Hey,
why is this
door locked?

Let me in.

Sit down!

I know where your
favorite bow tie lives.

Yes, ma'am!

Open up!
My fans need me.

Also, mysterious
paper airplanes have
appeared in the lake.

The work of litterers?
Or have squirrels
mastered air travel?

That's it. If you won't open
the door, I'm busting it down.

Destiny, this isn't right.

I'm going to let him in
before he does
something ridiculous.

Finn torpedo!
[GRUNTS]

Too late.

How dare you?

How dare you!

I can't believe you guys
are doing this show
without me.

Matteo had nothing
to do with it.

I locked you out
because you're
a buffoon.

Don't try to win me
over with flattery.

It's my show now,
name burper!

Quit distracting me
with compliments!

I'm gonna take
the mic.

No, you're not.

Oh, I just did!

FINN: [THROUGH SPEAKERS]
I've spent all day
turning my armpits.

DESTINY: And I spent all day researching stories like a serious journalist.

Not some goofball fartist.

FINN: May I tell people to start calling me that?

DESTINY: You're ruining my show!

FINN: It's our show!DESTINY: Give it to me.

No! Let go!I've got the mic!

I don't care!What the heck
is going on in here?

Compelling radio,
that's what.

Care to continue
this conversation
off air?

Matteo, you are
broadcasting our fight?

Uh, we'll be right back
after a short break.

You two better
explain yourselves.

I was just following
your advice.

You said to find a way
to get back into
the spotlight.

Yeah, but not by
pushing Finn out of it.

I thought this would
be something fun

that you two could do together,
but clearly, I was wrong.

Look, I had
to lock him out.

I wanted to do
a serious camp
news show,

and you kept
stealing focus.

What was I
supposed to do?

I was afraid, okay?

Afraid of what?

I don't know,
maybe that
you're so smart

and I was afraid
I was gonna look
super dumb next to you.

Really?Yeah.

So I decided
to be funny.

I'm sorry.

What you were trying to do
for the camp is important,

and I should have
helped you with it.

Well, that may be,but I think I was
also a little jealous

that people liked your
part of the show better.

The truth is,
you are really funny.

And I guess thereis room for more
lighthearted moments.

Fine.

Light farted.

This might be the beginning
of a beautiful fartnership.

Yeah, I'm starting to regret buying this equipment
instead of a refrigerator.

Lou, by the way,
I am loving the new look.

You hit one of the gas lines
digging the new septic t*nk,
didn't you?

No.

I hit two of them.

And, go!

Welcome to another installment
of Talking About Waka.

Today's stop story,
air pollution in camp
is down percent.

In related news,
I finally washed my
pile of dirty clothes.

Finn, aren't you
forgetting something?

Uh-oh! Am I not
wearing pants?

No, our theme song!

[PLAYING JAUNTY TUNE]

[TUNE CONTINUES
ON SPEAKERS]

Those two are
super weird.

Yet, oddly compelling.

Two totally different styles.

But they make it work...BOTH: ...just like us.

BOTH: Jinx!

We're so in sync!

Sched?Never.

Okey-doke.