05x04 - Tentacle Difficulties

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bunk'd". Aired July 2015 - current.*
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"Bunk'd" is a "Jessie" spin-off revolving around Emma, Ravi, and Zuri Ross at a rustic summer camp in Maine, where their parents met as teens. Along with their new friends, the trio tries their best to settle into their exciting new lives at Camp Kikiwaka.
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05x04 - Tentacle Difficulties

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, what you reading?

Wow, those words
taste weird in my mouth.

It's a letter from Gwen.

We've been writing each other
ever since summer started.

Why don't you guys just email?

And waste my calligraphy classes?

I finally perfected
the Old English down stroke.

Never make fun of me
for wearing tights again.

How come you guys are writing each other
so much anyway?

Well, we talked a lot
over the school year,

and now I guess you could say

we're kind of, uh, together.

Ooh!

Together?
Like together together?

Like, together
together together? Like...

Yes, he means together.

Mornin', campers!

Apologies for the lack
of veggies in our menu.

Yeah.
Great announcement, Lou.

Turns out another
produce guy quit this week.

Fascinating stuff.

Apparently, we can't
receive deliveries

because the road to camp
is "undrivable."

I mean, don't tell me.
Tell the local government.

Aren't you, like, mayor?

I'm sorry, Your Honor,
is this a trial?

What are you doing?

Ever since I got to campl haven't
had a single bar on my phone.

This place is where
cell service comes to die.

To be fair, this place
is where many things
come to die.

But we can't bury cell service
in the raccoon cemetery.

Lou, I'd love to help
with the produce problem.

As the camp's
resident environmentalist,

I can grow us a sustainable garden.

Destiny, that's a great idea.

And, Parker, you're gonna help.

I am?

Well, you said you wanted
to take this camp
to the "next level."

Yeah, but with something cool,

like a petting zoo
where the animals pet you.

[GASPS] How much do you think animals
would pay for that?

Okay.

Parker, have fun working
on that garden.

And, Destiny, heaven help ya.

You seem harmless.

Aw. That's 'cause
you're new here.

[WHISTLING]

ALL:
♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka


♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Hey, what are you doing?

Since Lou's been so busy,
I'm helping her out

by turning this old lawnmower
into a smart mower.

I added voice recognition

and a buzz saw
for large plant removal.

It can also play any song
from my "Matty's Jams"
playlist. [CHUCKLES]

That all sounds like a lot of work.

It's just something to do
to keep me from missing Gwen.

Miss her? But you have me.

I know, but it's different with Gwen.

We talk about stuff
that you and I don't.

[SCOFFS] Like what?

Stuff you talk about
when you're seeing someone.

Feelings, secrets,
your deepest, darkest fears.

Public bathrooms come up a lot.

Huh?

I guess it does sound kind of nice

to have someone like that.

Hey, Matteo.

Are you finished giving
the lawnmower a tune-up yet?

I have to prepare for my presentation

with the Department of
Fish and Game today,

and if all goes well,

it'll make our fishing trips, uh...

legal.

Yep! Check it out.

LAWNMOWER: Hello.
How can I help?


Whoa! Cool!

Yes.

I see how you could confuse

the phrase "tune up"

with "turn into

"an intelligent being."

Lou, you're going
to love this. Watch.

Mow the lawn.

Command received.

Wow. That's actually...

Mowing Yvonne.

No, no, no, no, no! I said
"mow the lawn," not "Yvonne!"

Yvonne, get to higher ground!

Hey, Noah. Guess what?

I signed us up to lead
the coolest field trip.

Ooh.

Please be the museum of tights.

We are going to take the PeeWees

to Moose Rump Aquarium's
brand-new touch t*nk!

I said you and I were
"in like dolphin!"

And then instantly regretted
putting it that way.

I will not be
"in like dolphin."

I will be out. Like trout.

What? I thought you were the
guy who's game for everything.

I am game for everything.

Who do you think fished
that "candy bar"

out of the PeeWees' kiddie pool?

I just don't want
to do this one thing.

Why?

You're gonna think it's dumb.

I promise I won't think it's dumb.

Fine. I'm afraid of fish.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, that's so dumb.

Sorry.

It's not just fish.

I'm creeped out by all sea creatures.

They're gross, disgusting beasts.

Plus, they swim around
in their own toilets,

and we're all just
acting like it's okay?

Wow.

I can't believe I never
knew this about you.

It's not really a big deal.

I just don't enjoy sea creatures.

I'm fine with it.

Well, you shouldn't be.

You're gonna miss out
on so much fun in your life.

Tell you what,

I'm gonna help you overcome
your fear of sea creatures

so that you can love them
as much as I do.

Then you can touch
all the horseshoe crabs

and the giant sponges
and the sea cucumbers,

which are really
just huge ocean worms...

Not off to a great start, Ava!

When looking for
the perfect gardening spot,

you need to consider
the three "S" es,

sun, soil and shade.

The only three "S" es
I care about are service,
signal, and...

I could find a third "S"
if I was on the Internet
right now.

Why is your service so bad?

We get to use
our phones once a week,
and they work fine.

After my parents cut me off,

all I could afford
was the Rock Bottom Plan.

Once I make some money,

I'll be able to upgrade
to the Depths of Despair Plan.

That one lets you use
all the numbers
on the keypad. [CHUCKLES]

BOTH: Whoa!

Look at that tree!

Look at those bars!
[CELL PHONE DINGING]

All my texts are coming in.

It's my sister.
She's at the hospital?

Oh, no. Is she hurt?

[PHONE DINGS]

No, she's getting it named after her.

What a show-off.

That said,
how do you think
Lou would feel

about "Camp Parker-waka?"

I'll workshop it.

Hey, Finn. You busy?

Nope.

I got nothing to do
and no one to do it with.

Great.

I have to go prepare
for my presentation.

You think you could keep
an eye on this thing?

Sure.
Thank you.

And whatever you do,
don't turn it on.

I think it got a taste
for camper meat.

Hello. How can I help?

I don't know.

I guess I'm feeling
a little down today.

I don't understand.

Yeah, me neither.

Maybe it's because Matteo
has someone special
to talk to about deep stuff.

And I want to know
what that feels like, too.

Activating standby mode.

Thanks.

I guess it would be nice
to have someone stand by me.

I've been alone for too long.

I don't understand.

I know, right?
I'm a whole snack!

Hello. How can I help?

You already are.

Thanks for listening.

Gas t*nk full.

Wow! We have
so much in common.

Shovel, check.

Watering can, check.

Gloves that don't clash
with either shovel
or watering can, check.

What are you doing?

I could ask you the same question.

I'm planting my garden.

That's a much better answer
than mine.

Okay. Turns out I found
a new home for my RV.

I can't get good signal
from where it is now,

so I just need
to drive it up the road,

park it in this little clearing

and all that great
cell service will be mine.

Wait. This is about
cell service?

I can't be without Internet.

There's a lot going on.

I got proposals out to three
different investors right now.

[PHONE DINGS]

I've got a proposal
to one investor right now.

[PHONE DINGS]

You know what?
Never mind.

I just need my phone, all right?

I'm sorry.

How do you plan
to fit that huge RV
into such a small space?

Oh, simple.

I just need to cut down that tree.

What? [GASPS]

If you want to cut down
this majestic creature,

you're gonna have
to go through
this majestic creature.

Oh.

Are we doing this?

Looks like the gloves are coming off.

I mean, not these.

They complete the outfit.

So, what am I doing here?

Well, you can't appreciate ocean life

unless you learn
about how amazing it is.

So, Matteo's gonna teach you
about sea creatures.

Sorry. [PANTING]
I was in the infirmary

visiting Yvonne, Ron,
John, and DeShawn.

Mower voice recognition?
It's fickle technology.

Welcome to our presentation of

"Getting Over Your Fears
Ocean Edition."

The aquatic landscape
is a magnificent world...

[SHRIEKS]
It has human teeth!

Next slide.

Did you know that the starfish

ejects its stomach
through its mouth beak?

What? Why?

Because it digests its food
outside its body.

Great question!

It was rhetorical.

Hey, Matteo, are you ready for me,
or what?

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Yo, scientist!

Does this presentation
happen to include anything,

I don't know,
not traumatizing to Noah?

Ooh, I know.

I'll show him
the fascinating
stargazer fish.

See?

Why didn't you just start
with something like that?

A stargazer fish sounds like...

Something out of my nightmares!

Holy abomination, what did it do
to anger Mother Nature?

Look, I appreciate this, but...

No.

In fact, I do not appreciate this.

Shall we respect
his wishes and back off?

Yeah. Dumb question.

Hey, can someone
reach my zipper for me?

It's right above my mouth beak.

I'll take that as a no.

Great weather today, isn't it?

Temperature, degrees.

You always know what to say.

Finn, you turned it on?

Uh, she has a name, Lou.

Clarice.

You named my lawnmower Clarice?

It feels like
a missed opportunity
for Mow-reen or Ra-mow-na.

But I wasn't asked to pitch.

She's just so easy to talk to.

Especially about feelings.
Watch this.

Hey, Clarice.
How are you feeling today?

System overloaded.

Tell me about it.

Well... [CHUCKLES]
This is pretty weird.

But I can't throw stones,
I'm dressed as a starfish.

Speaking of which,
do you think you could
help me out of this thing?

It's almost time for my Fish and Game
presentation.

Sorry, Lou,
but I promised Clarice
I'd go grab us a snack.

Can't keep talking about
our thoughts and dreams
on an empty stomach.

But I really...
Don't worry, Lou.

I'm sure you'll find someone.

I did.

While you're sitting there,
you think you could at least
cut me some hand holes?

Never mind. I'm good.

Well, that's an escalation.

You messed with
the wrong environmentalist.

Destiny, there's a bunch
of trees out here.

Can you please move out of the way

so I can cut down just this one?

Very, very gradually.

I'm not letting you
lay a finger on him.

This majestic sentinel
is probably hundreds
of years old.

He's the granddaddy of the forest.

I'm the granddaddy of text chains.

I got tons of people to respond to...

once they reach out.

I don't care what you say.

I am standing on my principles.

Fine.

Looks like I'm gonna have
to play hardball

because Stan's team
is short an outfielder.

But then after the game,

I'm gonna have to play hardball.

Oh, hey, Destiny.

I'm writing a self-help book

and I would love your feedback.

You want to give people life advice,

and I have to hear it?

[CLEARS THROAT]

"How to Be Awesome by Parker Preston.

"Chapter One.
Be Awesome Already."

Oh, you can leave any time you want.

Never.

Okay, more chapters to go.

"Chapter two.

"How to be a baller toddler."

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is the aroma of these
freshly baked snickerdoodles
wafting your way?

Is that nutmeg?

You monster!

What is that?

Meet Snuggles.

She's a foster puppy.

Step away from the tree,
and she's yours to boop.

Boop!

I must boop...

No, I mustn't.

Forgive me, Snuggles!

Snuggles! Stop it!

I'm trying to be
intimidating. [CHUCKLES]

Why is your nose so wet?

Stop! Have mercy!

Hey, guys.

Why do you both have that
"not letting this go" face?


'Cause we found a solution.

Immersion therapy.

We're done being gentle.

When were you gentle?

Under here is a t*nk
containing one of the ocean's

most exotic, intelligent beings,

the octopus.

Nope. I quit.

Noah, you're staying in here
until you bond with
this beautiful creature

and its bulbous ink sacs,

three b*ating hearts,
nine separate brains...

Thank you, Matteo.

Noah, you've got to face
your fear straight on

so that you won't be
afraid of them anymore.

Please don't make me do this.

It must be done.

Now, feast your eyes on...

Greta.

Wait, where is she?

Matteo, you said they
let you borrow an octopus

from the aquarium because
you're a Junior Docent.

Um, we're called Manatee-chers.

And octopi are great escape artists.

Wait. So you're telling me

this thing could be
anywhere around camp?

Noah, relax.

I'm sure we're gonna find it.

Good luck with that.

Octopi can also
camouflage themselves.

Seriously?

Matteo, there is
a wrong time for facts.

Finn.

Clarice.

I see this is still happening.

Hey, Lou, you caught us
in the middle of a soul-baring
picnic experience.

I brought some of Clarice's
favorite things.

Dandelions for a snack,

a blade sharpener
in case she feels
like being pampered,

and a bottle of motor oil.

Beautiful year.

Finn, I know this is an odd question,

but I feel compelled
to ask it. Um... [CHUCKLES]

What are you doing on a date
with my lawn mower?

Look, I know Clarice
is only a machine,

but truth is,

I'm just jealous
Matteo has Gwen to talk to
about his feelings.

Aw, Finn.

I thought this was gonna be
a sit-down moment,

but you come to me.

Finn, you don't need to be in a
relationship with a human or...

a gardening product
to talk about your feelings.

You can always talk
to anybody that you trust.

Like me, for example.

Really? You'd want to?

Of course. And you can
always talk to Noah, too.

That's part of what
the counselors are there for.

But what about Clarice?

We had some really
great times together.

Well, you know what they say.

When you love something, let it go.

And if it comes back to you...

It's a boomerang?

This has been a great first talk.

Thanks, Lou.

Can we do this again soon?

Maybe tomorrow after arts and crafts?

That'd be great.

Awesome.

Well, then, I guess
I go start living
that single life.

And I forgot
to ask him to help me
out of this costume.

[LAUGHING]

I'm gon' die in this thing.

[BOTH PANTING]

Any sign of the octopus?

No.

Maybe he crawled
all the way to the lake

and is heading down Rump River
to the ocean by now.

[DISTANT SHRIEKING]

Or not.

Is something on my head?

Noah, listen to me.

If you startle the octopus,

it may excrete from its ink glands.

Just try to relax.

You relax!

Noah, you can do this.

Just gently peel Greta off
and put her in the t*nk.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

I believe in you.

Okay.

[SQUELCHING]

[POPS]

[WATER SPLASHING]

You did it!

You conquered your fear!

Doesn't it all seem
a little silly now?

Yeah.

Really?
No!

I was wearing an octopus beret.

Look, I get that
you guys love this stuff,

but I don't, and I'm fine with that.

Can you please just
be fine with that, too?

I'm sorry.
It's just...

I really wanted my best friend

to enjoy the things that I do.

Ava, it's okay.

There's lots of stuff that
I enjoy that you don't.

Like talking about my feelings. Ew.

Or prolonged eye contact. Ugh!

Or playing experimental
trombone pieces.

Okay, got it.

Like fish with human teeth for me.

I promise, from now on,
I'll back off.

And we'll obviously
return the octopus.

Thanks.

But, uh, where is the octopus?

We should really get that t*nk a lid.

I'll be at a hotel.

Hey, Lou. You're still
in that costume?

Yep. I ended up having
to give my presentation in it.

So I guess it didn't go well.

Oh, no, it went great.

Turns out there's nothingFish and Game
people love more than a fish costume.

[CHUCKLING]

Only bad thing is, now I have to perform
at their holiday party.

Anyhoo, where's Clarice?

Oh, I took your advice.

You did? That's great.

Yep.

I finally let her go...

right into the woods.

What?

It was a tearful farewell.

Emotions ran high.

And then I put a brick
on the throttle.

Finn! I didn't mean
to actually let her go.

I meant it metaphorically!

That thing has a buzz saw on it.

Oh.

Oh...

Come on, Destiny.

You didn't hold it for ten hours

as princess of
the Yountville Pumpkin Parade
for nothing!

[WATER RUNNING]

Uh-oh. I have to go so bad
I'm hearing things.

You'll be fine for a minute.

Ha! I win.

Is that a serenity fountain?

Yeah.

I would've used
the nature sounds app
on my phone,

but it only came
with the Hard Times Plan.

That's way out of my price range.

I don't get it.

Why are you so obsessed
with cell service?

Because I've always had it, okay?

Just like I've always
had a big house,
and unlimited funds,

and a live-in bathroom attendant.

I miss you, Tim.

I assume that must be hard.

My Tim is just a towel, but
I'd be pretty bummed if I lost it.

I don't have anything
left from my old life.

You keep talking about
this old life of yours,

but I thought you came here
to start a new life.

One that would make
your family proud.

And you proud.

Okay, but it turns out
starting over
is really hard.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Look, I get it.

I left behind an old life, too.

Can you believe
I used to do pageants?

Tiara Tuesdays
was a bit of a tip-off.

Well, there was definitely some time

where I didn't know
who I was without them.

But I found my way.

And you will, too.

You just gotta leave behind all
that stuff that was holding you back.

The unsupportive people,

the failed business deals.

Even Tim?

Yes, even Tim.

It's time you give
this new life a real sh*t.

How can one so sparkly be so wise?

I use the sparkles
to distract my prey,

then I go in for the k*ll.

You know, you're growing on me, kid.

Kind of like this tree.

And Snuggles.

Did I tell you I adopted her?

It's called a failed foster,

but it sure feels like a win.

Looks like it's a day
for second chances.

You know, I can't believe
I was thinking of
cutting this thing down.

It really is majestic.

[WHIRRING]

Do you hear a buzz saw?

[SCREAMS]

[TREE TRUNK CREAKING]

Hello. How can I help...
[VOICE DISTORTS AND FADES]


[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

It wasn't a tree.

It was a cell tower.

That's why I was
getting such good cell service.

And why it's totally gone now. [SCOFFS]

Oh, well,

back to mailing people emojis.

And the good news is,

now we can turn
this clearing into
a beautiful garden...

Hockey rink!

Nope, garden.

Don't worry, I'll get it.
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