05x05 - Luck of the Chuck

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Lou, why is Woody
staring at me?

It makes me feel like
he's friends with whoever
went into my sausage.

Yeah. Woody should be
staring at me.

I'm having the best
hair day of my life.

I told you washing it
would be a game changer.

Anywho, a judge from
the Southern Northeast
Camp Conference

is coming next week to give us
our annual evaluation.

And I need Woody
to help us make sure

we get our first
positive review ever.

And barbecued rodent
helps you how?

Woody is my own
personal good luck charm

and a big part
of camp history.

He was the first animal
that Jedediah ever hunted
after founding the camp.

Not so lucky for Woody.

Um, Lou, if I may.

No offense to Chef Jeff,
who is so, so, so nice,

but it does seem like
the judge would be
more impressed by food

that looks like
it hadn't already
been eaten.

Parker, that is
a great idea.

You should go out
and catch us some lobsters.

I guess that's what I get
for offering feedback.

You sure
you don't want to hire,

like, a professional
lobster assassin?

Whoa. Did I just invent
the next great video game?

I think this sounds
like a job

for upper management.

[GASPS] You called me
management.

Which way's
the east coast?

East.

You're not really going
to serve lobster, are you?

Of course not.

I just don't
want him around
when the judge is here.

We can't afford
another negative review.

It's the second
most common way
we've lost campers

right behind
stroganoff Sundays.

I am just so happy
that I have
my lucky woodchuck.

Lou, luck is for the weak,
fortune favors the prepared.

I didn't winLittle Miss Hot Dog Hut
because of luck,

I won because I practiced
juggling frankfurters

till my fingers ran red.

With ketchup?

Sure, kid.
Whatever helps you
sleep at night.

Well, the biggest
bird watching opportunity
of the century

is happening
over camp today,
so I have to take off.

Been saving that one
a while?

Yes.

Anyway, the blue eagle
has never been photographed
while migrating.

So getting
a picture of one

would put me
on the Mount Rushmore
of bird paparazzi.

People can be so strange.

Well, come on, Woody.

Let's go rub your head
on all the cabin door.

[WHISTLES]

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Oh, hey, Finn.

I hope you're ready for
a mentally stimulating journey

into the wonders
of ornithology.

Matteo, this is getting dangerously close to learning,

and you knowhow I feel about that.

I'm going to get a picture
of that blue eagle today.

I can feel it.

Well, just in case,I brought Woody for you.

Lou said he was lucky,

so now you're guaranteed
to get a great picture
of the eagles or of me.

Seriously,
my hair is on point.

Thank you. But as a scientist,
I don't believe in luck.

Like Destiny, I believe
in being prepared.

That's why I brought
lake trout as bait.

It's one of the blue eagle's
favorite foods.

Oh, that's what smells.

I thought it was me.

It's a little me.

[BIRD CHIRPING]

The blue eagles.

Bird-watching history
prepare to get made.

Huh.

They're going aroundin circles,

like my dad does
when he's lost.

Just use the GPS.

It's not a sign
of weakness.

No, that's classic
blue eagle
predatory behavior.

They circle their prey
right before they dive in
for the att*ck.

Here they come!
Take cover!

[BIRDS SCREECHING]

[OBJECTS CLATTERING ON TABLE]

This was supposed
to be boring.

It usually is.

[CLATTERING STOPS]

Uh, where's Woody?

I forgot there's one thing
that blue eagles like to eat

more than lake trout,
woodchucks.

Uh-oh. What do you think
Lou's gonna do to us

when she finds out
we lost her precious
good luck charm?

Take us with you!

We'll learn
your language!

Hey, Nadine.

What's our resident
superhero working on?

And will I need
the fire extinguisher?

My invisibility helmet.

Can you see me now?

Yes.

Well, this is embarrassing.

Someone definitely saw me
pick my nose earlier.

Okay.

And what are you
making, mister?

This is Leonard Leopard
and Danielle Gazelle.

They are two best friends that
work at an accident factory.

What's
an accident factory?

It's a comedy gold mine.
That's what it is.

I was thinking we could
put on a puppet show
for the peewees tomorrow.

Will you help?

I don't know.
This all sounds
pretty ridiculous.

But we're so adorable.

You wouldn't want
to make us sad, right?

You're not gonna
leave me alone

until I agree to this,
are you?

Your life will be
a waking nightmare.

Fine.Yay!

Nose honk.
Bonk.

Nope, won't do that again.

Quick question, guys.
Can you see me now?

Yes!

And can I get you
a tissue?

Great. Because of you,
we lost Woody.

You should be thanking me.

If not for Woody,
that eagle
would be feeding

one of us
to its babies.

Probably me.
I'm great with kids.

Hey. Have you guys
seen Woody?
He's missing.

No, you're missing.

You go.

Uh, he means
we haven't seen Woody,

but you'll be
the first to know
if we do.

I need that woodchuck.

It turns out
that the judge is already
over at Camp Champion,

and she's
coming here tomorrow.

The bad luck
is already starting.

Hey, have any of you

seen a smelly,
stuffed woodchuck
that's nailed to a board

that answers to...
Well, nothing

because he's stuffed
and he's nailed to a board?

The eagle
probably dropped Woody

once he realized
he's just stuffed.

We got to go
search the woods.

Great idea. And even if
we don't find Woody,

I'm sure I can find
a really cool stick.

Sure.

Everything okay, Lou?

No. Woody is missing,
the judge is coming
tomorrow,

and I don't love
what this humidity
is doing to my hair.

And yes,
I realize the last one
isn't important,

but it bugs.

You don't need
a good luck woodchuck,

you just need hard work.

There's so much
to do, though.

And Hank,
the grounds keeper,
hasn't shown up yet.

Now, the Great Lawn
is just gonna be
a regular lawn.

[GASPS] It's Hank.

Apparently
he's quitting his job

because he just won
the lottery.

See? Bad luck.

Not for Hank.

Hey, maybe he has Woody.

We can joke later.

I will help you
clean up the camp.

And soon you'll see
there's no such thing
as bad luck.

Now, let's find a rake.

To get the lawn
looking pretty?

No, to tame that hair.
You were not lying
about the humidity.

The boss told me
to carry these eggs

across the factory
floor ASAP.

Oh, no.

The boss just had me scatter
banana peels everywhere.

I hope this doesn't
cause an accident.

Cut. Ava,
Danielle is British.

Where is the accent?

I left it in the cabin
along with my will to live.

Well, then go eat
some fish and chips

and get in the
right headspace.

The show is tomorrow.

It's all just so goofy.

The puppets,
the silly stunts,
the accident factory.

I mean, if we must
do puppets...

Oh, we must.

Then why don't we do
something more serious?

Something that matters.
You're an artist.

You did
Shakespeare-in-the-Park.

[COUGHS] Water park.

Hey, I have a great idea
of what kind of puppet show
we should do instead.

Does it involve
little felt banana peels?

Because I worked
really hard on these.

No, but it does involve
keeping your
artistic integrity.

I lost that
at the water park

along with
my favorite pair
of flip flops.

Are you sure
kids are going
to like this?

Kids will like anything
as long as it's said
by a puppet.

Trust me.

[CHUCKLES]
Okay, that is fun.

Hey, Lou,
I'm almost done.

Told you we could finish
before tomorrow.

Lou? Lou?

[SHRIEKS]

No such thing
as bad luck, huh?

Well, at least it covers up
your crummy paint job.

Again, we can joke later.

Ava, are you sure this is the right direction
for a play?

Of course.
It's gritty,

it's unflinching,
it's got gravitas.

Really? All the actors
have googly eyes.

Life is googly, Noah,
and it's about time
these kids learned that.

Let's get started.

Forget not
in your speed bark,
Antony,

to touch Calpurnia.

I shall remember.

When Moolius Caesar says,
"Do this," it is performed.

Oh.

A sock dressed up as a cow,
and it's not funny.

How do you mess that up?

No, Caesar,
doth not wrong.

Nor without cause
will he be satisfied.

Does that spider
have knives?

[GASPS]

Et tu,Arachnoid.

[SCREAMING]

Looks like I'm back
to night lights.

What are we
going to do?

There's no sign
of Woody anywhere.

I got it.
All we have to do

is put on
giant trout costumes

and start flopping around
until we look so delicious

that the eagle would drop Woody,
and, yeah, I don't got it.

[PHONE CHIMES]

My woodchuck
text alert.

It's set for any
woodchuck related news.

Uh, let's see.
Uh, "Ten low fat
woodchuck recipes

"for your
new air fryer."

Uh, "Historic Moose Rump
woodchuck for sale."
This is great.

I know.
My mom just got
a new air fryer.

No, look,
someone found Woody.

He's at some shop called

Moose Rump Antiques,
Collectibles
and Assorted Jerky

That place sounds awesome.

I bet they have
some old sticks there.

Okay, come on.

You said the judge is going
to want to see a cabin,

so I worked my butt off cleaning ours to make sure
it's perfect.

Prepare to be wowed.

[ANIMAL GROWLS]Wow.

What's going on?Nothing, nothing.

[OBJECTS CLATTERING]

Nothing?

Either there's
a deer in your cabin

or you guys have
a very aggressive hat rack.

I know what you're thinking,
but this isn't bad luck.

Really?Of course it's bad luck!

Our door was opened
by an animal without thumbs.

We're doomed.

[OBJECTS CLATTERING]

[GASPS]
Finn, check it out.

I know. This jerky
selection is legit.

I want to try
some teriyaki polecat.

No, look, it is Woody.

Step away
from the woodchuck.

Uh, hello, sir.
I'm Matteo
and this is Finn.

And that woodchuck
actually belongs
to our camp.

He means a lot to us.

I'm Emmitt,
and I don't give
a muskrat's patootie.

Woodrow Woodchuck was the first mayor
of Moose Rump.

I thought it was
the first animal
Jedediah hunted

when he founded
the camp.

He was.

He d*ed in office.

This little guy's
a piece of history.

Him falling from the sky
and crashing through
some lady's windshield

was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Not to her, though.

Fine. Then we'll buy
Woody back from you.

[CHUCKLES]
Name your price.

One thousand bucks.Name a different price.

Okay, $ , .

I'm not a great guy.

Man, those kids
did not like the show.

You think? We showed them
a spider murdering a cow.

Little puppy guts
everywhere.

I guess we should've gone
with your original idea.

Oh, well."Oh, well"?

You said
we had to change it.

Yeah, but who cares
what I think?

I do, Ava.

Really? Why?

Because you're my best friend,
and I look up to you.

What you think
means a lot to me.

And when you say my ideas
are silly and don't matter,

it really hurts
my feelings.

It felt like
my little puppy guts
were everywhere.

But, Noah,
I didn't know...Look,

I don't want
to talk to you right now.

Okay, the good news is
the deer is out
of our cabin.

The bad news is
the deer is out
of our cabin.

Whoa!
What happened here?

Ever since
Woody disappeared,

we've had
more bad luck

than my Aunt Meadow
when she fell in that well

on the anniversary
of her falling off
that cliff.

[SIGHS] You know what,
I guess I just won't get

the first good review
in Camp history.

Lou, this is
all our fault.

We're the ones
who lost Woody.

Sorry, Lou.

Well, I appreciate
you guys coming clean.

You did this?

You're the reason
my cabin's
a deer potty?

Yes, okay.
But we found him.

He's with this rude antiques dealer
in town named Emmitt

who wants to sell him
for $ , .

Then start
a lemonade stand,
sell your organs,

rip out
all your teeth

and leave them
for the tooth fairy.

Just get that
woodchuck back
back here now!

She kind of turned
a dark corner
while you were gone.

Lou, I swear I had
a whole bag of lobsters,

but I dropped it
running away
from an angry deer.

Can I give up now?

Well, would you rather deal with an angry deer
or an angry Destiny?

[GRUNTING]

I'll head back
out there.

Nadine, what's
the emergency?

Please tell me
you didn't try to use
a ceiling fan

to create
some sort of jet pack.

No. Ava just needs you.

But I love
where you head's at.

Ava, what is going on?

I'm not doing
another puppet show.

And I told you
I didn't want
to talk to you.

I know you don't want
to talk to Ava,

but what about
Danielle Gazelle?

[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
I sure would like
to get back to work

at the accident factory
with my best bloke,

Leonard.

No, I don't want
to do this.

But I do want the name
of your dialect coach.

That accent is amazing.

Look, I know
you're mad at me,
but I rewrote the script,

and I think
you'll really like it.

Plus, what is it
all you great actors say?

The show must go on.

We do say that. Fine.

But I haven't warmed up
my puppet hand yet,

so you're getting
what you're getting.

NOAH: [AS PUPPET]Yes, another wacky day
at the accident factory.

I better start
waxing these floors

before I carry
the bowling balls in.

AVA: [AS PUPPET]
Yes. But before that,

Leonard, I'm sorry

about what I said
to you yesterday.

I'm the youngest
of six gazelles,

and none of my brothers

ever paid attention
to what I said,

so I thought
no one did.

But now I know
that my words mean
something to you,

and I won't forget it.

Thanks, Ava.
I appreciate that.

And I don't even care
that you didn't stay
in character.

Is this an accident
factory

or an apology
factory?

Let's get to the funny.

[CLEARS THROAT]

The cheeky
tyke's right.

The boss said
to carry these eggs
across the floor ASAP.

As Silly As Possible.

And the boss told me

to dump all these
banana peels on the floor.

I hope we don't have
an accident.

[SHRIEKS]

[LAUGHING]

Whoa!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Now that's how
you make a sock funny.

Step on a mouse trap!

Lou, that's the man
who has Woody.

Well, if it isn't
the deputy mayor
of Moose Rump.

Always nice
to meet a fan.

I voted for the goat.

Cool, cool.

Is that
the actual rump?

She's so cute.
And so much history.

If butts
could talk, right?

You clearly
haven't seen
my one-man show.

Where's Woody?

He's in the back
so I can
snuggle him later.

I mean, clean him.
We're closed.

Emmitt, we need Woody back.
He belongs to our Camp.

He belongs
to the people
of this great town

or anyone
with $ , .

Listen, pal, our Camp
is falling apart
without Woody.

So, either
you give him back

or you'll be wearing
that rump as a hat.

Okay?

I'd never just give
Woody back to you guys.

He was our first mayor.

Till your camp founder
sh*t him.

Oh, yes.
Over a heated game
of go fish.

Woody did, in fact,
have a king in his pond.

Jedediah called him on it.

Sounds like you really know
your Moose Rump history.

Way more than you.

[SCOFFS] Please.

Nobody knows this town
better than me.

Lived here
my whole life.

Except for the two weeks
I thought I wanted to be
a tugboat captain,

like my perfect
brother Daryl.

Then prove it.

How about a little
Moose Rump trivia contest?

Winner gets the chuck.

Oh, Lou, have him throw in
some sweet and sour gopher.

You're the worst
vegetarian ever.

Uh, they're the perfect
stocking stuffers.

Lou, we've had
nothing but bad luck

ever since
we lost Woody.

If we can't
win him back,

the camp will be
cursed forever.

Then nothing
will be able to save us

from this bottomless pit
of misfortune

as we spiral deeper
into the depths of despair.

Boy, when you turn
a dark corner,
you really turn.

Destiny,
you're the one who said,

"Fortune favors
the prepared."

And I have been
preparing for this

since I started
coming to camp.

So...

Are we doing this?

You're on.Also, I skipped lunch,

so I will take
some of your otter jerky.

Regular or spicy?

Spicy.We're out of spicy.

Then I will take a regular.

Okay, guys,
I'm going to go
back and forth

asking you each
questions about
Moose Rump.

First wrong
answer loses.

Ready.Readier.

Dang it. She's good.

On your mark,
get set, Rump!

The first dentist
in Moose Rump was?

A string tied to a door.

The first doctor?A jar full of leeches.

The official
musical instrument.

The baritone jug.[BELL RINGS]

The first class ever taught
in Moose Rump Elementary?

A complete history
of our flat Earth

and how not
to fall off the edge.

Still taught
to this very day.[BELL DINGS]

Who was Moose Rump's
first sheriff?

Tabby McClaws,
a kitty who got stuck
in a g*n holster.

Correct.[BELL RINGS]

How do they know
all this stuff?

How is this a real place?

Ooh. This is
a good one.

Why is the town
named Moose Rump?

Seriously? It's named
after a moose's butt. Duh.

But why is it named
after a moose's butt?

There is no reason.

The first mayor
was a woodchuck.

This is a weird town.

Lou, do you know?

I got this.

A long time ago,
a moose wandered into
a dynamite shack.

He thought
the dynamite sticks
were carrots.

And long story gross,

his butt fell
right in the middle

of what is now known
as town square.

Boom. Literally.

She's right.
Lou wins!

[BELL RINGS]

So that's why
all the surrounding areas

are named after
moose parts.

Yup. Poor fellow
became the world's
most disgusting pinata.

You owe me a woodchuck.

Fine. I'll get him.

You really do care
a lot about this town.

Still glad
I voted for the goat.

Hey, bad mouth me
all you want,

but unlike the goat,

I never ate
the Moose Rump
constitution.

I did accidentally
eat the bill of rights,

but that is their fault
for putting it
in a fortune cookie.

Well, I think
we all learned

a very valuable
lesson today.

If your stuffed
lucky woodchuck
gets stolen

by a giant bird,

make sure isn't found
by some weirdo?

Okay. Two valuable lessons.

The other one isyou don't need luck
if you're prepared.

And, unfortunately,
this camp is not
prepared at all.

There's no way we'll be able
to clean it up

by the time
the judge gets here.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

[GASPS] Good news.

The judge isn't coming
until next week,

so now we have time
to fix up the camp.

Really? What happened?

Her car's in the shop.

Apparently her windshield
is the one Woody fell through.

Not lucky, huh?

Lou.

I've failed you.
I only caught one lobster,
and it's a mean one.

Well, good news.

The judge isn't coming
until next week,

so you have time
to keep trying.

But...No buts

unless there's a lobster
attached to yours.

All right.

Come on, meanie.
Let's go get
your friends.

Should we tell him that blue eagles
like lobster, too?

[BIRD SCREECHING][PARKER SCREAMING]

I think he knows.