05x06 - Look Who’s Squawking

[bunniefuu]

Look at him go.

We might actually be able
to eat off these things now.

I know.

If I had more like him, I wouldn't
have to pay off the health inspector.

Matteo, you don't have to do that.

Cleaning is the counselors' job.

It's okay, I actually
enjoy wiping tables.

It's part of my work out.

Can't you tell how swole I'm getting?

I mean... Whoa. Big difference.

Well, that does it for arms.

Time to go crank out
some mad shoulder reps

with my feather duster.

Anyhoo.

Let me finish handing out
this week's counselor duties.

Noah, you are in charge of
cleaning out the boat shed.

Avast! Me name's Captain Lambert,

and that boat shed
shall be spic and span

from bow to stern! Argh!

Okay, I know you're
pandering with the pirate voice

and, um, I'm digging it.

Rat Tail, you are in charge
of the campers' haircuts.

Let's try not to pigeonhole
ourselves, okay?

And, Ava...

It's gonna be something
good, I can tell.

You are officially relieved
of your PeeWeeWaka duties.

Wait, you're taking
away my assignment?

Well, considering one of the kids

you were watching wrestled a skunk,

and the others were traumatized

by your weirdly dark puppet show,

I'm gonna go with yeah-huh.

Okay, I'll admit there's
been a bit of a learning curve.

But I can handle the
responsibility, Lou.

I'm different this summer.

Let me prove it to you!

Fine.

But maybe you can prove
it to me with a new job.

One that hopefully won't end

with you stinking so bad you
have to sleep in the boat shed.

Argh, which will be spic
and span from bow...

Okay, pick your moments.

If you really want to help,

I was thinking of reviving

the "Camper of the Week" program.

We used to do it back in the day,

but after I won eight weeks in a row,

there was a small uprising.

I can handle that!

How do I handle that?

First, you choose a deserving camper.

Then, you help them lead
an activity of their choice.

Finally, you arrange a banquet

where the COW chooses
a family recipe to serve

that represents them as a person.

It's a big job, but
if you do it right

you can lead the PeeWees again.

On it!

Man, I can't wait to nail
this and prove you wrong!

And help the camp, right?

Sure, yeah. That too.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

See, guys? Croquet is fun!

Isn't it nice to have a
normal afternoon for once?

Hello!

So close.

Hi, Miss Tilly!

What brings you and your
bird prisoner to Camp Kikiwaka?

Actually, he's my pet parrot,

and I was hoping

you kids might watch him tonight.

I have some guests coming
over for a dinner party.

And this little guy
could be a problem.

Sometimes he talks too much.

Yeah, I've got one of those, too.

Every once in a while,
we just throw a blanket

over him so he thinks it's nighttime.

Wait, what?

Anyways, we'd love to bird-sit!

Oh, splendid. Thank you so much.

I'm out.

I haven't had the greatest
experience with parrots.

Had one on my shoulder
for a pirate-themed tap routine

and, long story short,

that's how I got my left ear pierced.

Still won that pageant, though.

Yes, parrots can be very difficult.

Honestly, they don't make great pets.

And they live for years.

But a promise you make

to your late aerobics
instructor is a promise.

What's your parrot's name?

Dwayne "The Squawk" Johnson.

It was either that or Stone
Cold Steve Squawkin'.

Sure.

Hello, everyone, and thank you

for gathering for this very
special announcement,

and, no, it is not that we
found Estelle's pet spider,

who is still on the loose

and a very real thr*at
to our smaller campers.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have got to go
finish writing a speech

for the PeeWees on mortality.

Okay.

In less terrifying news,

it is my pleasure to announce

that Camp Kikiwaka is bringing back

the Camper of the Week program!

A competition? Why wasn't I informed?

I've just been wasting this
summer having fun, like a fool!

So, who's Camper of the Week, Ava?

For the inaugural COW,

I picked someone who
is an exceptional camper.

He follows the rules...

Aw.

Never makes trouble...

Make it attainable.

Matteo Silva, congratulations!

You are the Camper of the Week!

[ALL APPLAUD]

Congratulations, Matteo.

If it can't be me,
I'm glad it was you.

Thanks, Destiny.

That must have been
difficult for you to say.

It's easier when you don't mean it.

So... [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

What does Camper of the Week get?

All sorts of stuff.

No chores for the weekend,

you get to choose and lead
an activity that we all have to do.

Logic puzzles! Not logic puzzles.

And, best of all,

you get to serve the whole camp

a family recipe that tells
everyone who you are.

Oh, really?

I'm so glad I picked you.

You're gonna make me look so good!

And the camp. Dang it!

I keep doing that.

[SCREAMING]

Okay.

I found Estelle's spider.

And it might also be a thr*at

to our larger campers.

How come you cut up Squawk
Johnson's food and not mine?

I do cut up your food.

Oh, right. Thanks, friend!

SQUAWK JOHNSON: Polly want a cr*cker?

No.

I don't want a cr*cker.

And my name is Finn.

My name is Finn!

Uh-oh.

We lost Squawk Johnson!
This bird's name is Finn!

No, Finn.

Parrots just repeat words
and phrases they hear.

m*rder!

Wait, did he just say...

m*rder! I'll make them pay.

[SQUAWKS]

Noah, if parrots only
repeat what they hear...

who did he hear say that?

Well, the only person
he lives with is Miss Tilly.

But it couldn't have been her!

Hello?

Get ready to die!

Oh, yeah.

It was totally her.

We're telling you,

something's going on.

Just hear Squawk Johnson out.

Never trust a parrot, Noah.

Plus, even if he did
say "Get ready to die,"

he probably just heard it on TV.

Miss Tilly's Dinner of Death!

Wow, Destiny.

What a very specific
and m*rder-y TV show.

Guys, remember what Miss Tilly said?

She's having a bunch of
people over for dinner tonight.

Maybe she's planning to...

Finish them off! Exactly, thank you!

[SQUAWKS]

Miss Tilly is just a normal old lady

who likes to make scones,
and push a bird in a stroller,

and hire children to perform jazz,

and, okay, "normal" is a stretch,

but she's still not a k*ller.

She said Squawk can be a
problem because he "talks too much."

She knew this parrot
would sing like a canary!

We should go check out Miss Tilly's.

We can't stand by and do
nothing if people are in danger.

Plus, if she goes down for this,

we'll be stuck with this
high-maintenance bird!

More fruit!

You ate all the fruit!

I'm only one man!

Okay,

this is my fault.

You said there's a parrot
talking about a m*rder,

and I came anyway.

I'm out.

Maybe we should tell Lou.

She won't believe us either.

We need to find more
proof at Miss Tilly's.

Who wants yummy scones?

Ooh, and maybe some yummy scones.

Let's go!

Ava,

why is your Camper of
the Week doing chores?

Uh, I don't know.

Maybe it's leg day?

And have you gotten that recipe yet?

Yes. Can I see it?

No.

I didn't expect a follow-up question.

But I swear I asked him.

I don't know why
he hasn't done it yet.

Well, find out! You promised

you would take this seriously.

And I have a lot of
important stuff to do.

Like, right now, I have
to go help Chef Jeff

out of a six-foot spiderweb.

And if he survives,

he is gonna need that recipe.

Matteo,

what are you doing?

I thought I told you the COW
doesn't have to do chores.

I guess you didn't know
I was such a bad boy.

There's a lot of darkness

hidden beneath
these delightful curls.

Look, if I catch you
doing any more chores,

I'm going to have to punish you.

Like take Camper of
the Week away from me?

Oh, please.

You'd have to do something
really wrong for me to that.

And don't forget to
get me that recipe!

Oh...

You'll get a recipe all right.

A recipe for disaster!

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY] Ow.

I'm still sore from all that dusting.

There you are.

I'll need you later.

Did you see that?

Yeah.

She sure needs a lot of steak knives

for a woman who mostly
serves baked goods.

Let's spread out and
start looking for proof

of what Miss Tilly's up to.

I found something!

What is it?

A piece of paper, Noah!

Try to keep up.

It looks like a list of
people Miss Tilly's mad at.

"Mr. Crumbwell left
me standing at the altar.

"Mrs. Hobart didn't offer mea seat
when I was standing at the altar.

"Ms. Devon stole my man
and became Mrs. Crumbwell!"

How could someone leave Miss Tilly?

If I find a girl who loves
baking and wrestling,

I'm gonna put a ring on it.

These must be the
names of her dinner guests.

And why she's planning
to take them out!

Just like Bird-Finn said!

We need to show this to Lou!

MISS TILLY: Right
this way, into the parlor!

Quick! The closet!

Come in. Come in.

Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome.

Oh, I am pleased
you all could join me.

I have been so looking forward to it.

I, too, Mr. Crumbwell.

Almost as much as the
wedding day you deprived me of.

Now, everyone. Settle in.

I have a k*ller
evening planned for us.

[OBJECTS CLATTERING]

Must be mice.

[SNEEZES]

NOAH: Mice with colds?

Noah?

Finn?

Don't distract us with our names.

The parrot told us everything!

There is nothing to see here.

There are drinks in
the adjoining room.

Go. Mingle.

You're all in danger!

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

In danger of having a great night!

Go. Mingle!

We know what you're planning!

I see.

Well, I'll just have to find a
way to keep you quiet, then.

Okay. For my Camper
of the Week activity,

I'll be giving the
camp a demonstration

of one of the most powerful
natural forces on Earth!

Behold!

Magnetus Maximus!

Um, Matteo,

this looks a little...

Dangerous? Yes, it is.

But no one does
science because it's safe.

You do.

That's what you said
you like best about it...

Silence!

And prepare to feel
the raw magnetism of...

Well, a magnet!

[MAGNET WHIRRING]

What's it... [YELPS]

[CREAKING]

[DRAGGING]

[THUDS][MATTEO LAUGHING]

[METAL CLANKING]

What... [YELPS]

What the heck, Matteo?

If I didn't know you better,

I'd think you knew this would happen.

It does seem that way, doesn't it?

Oh, well.

I guess I'm just not Camper
of the Week material.

I'll see myself to a time out.

What is going on?

This used to be an afghan

I've been making since I was

and joined a knitting circle
with my nana so I'd have friends,

and I'm not the one on trial
here. Ava, what happened?

It's not my fault!

Matteo went overboard
with his COW activity.

I think the power went to his head.

This is why you don't
encourage children.

No, this is why you're
supposed to be supervising him.

I knew this responsibility
was too much for you.

No, no, no, Lou!

I got it. It's under control.

[METAL THUDS]

It's the flagpole, isn't it? Yeah,

it's the flagpole!

Please, Lou.

Give me another sh*t. I
promise I can get the COW

program back on track
by the tonight's banquet.

Have you even given the
banquet recipe to Chef Jeff yet?

Have you even gotten
him out of the big web, yet?

Touche.

But, seriously, one more
mistake and I'm giving

the PeeWees to another counselor.

[RUMBLING]

Is that hang glider
coming straight for us?

Matteo, turn off the magnet!

Turn off the magnet!

DESTINY: Noah... Finn...

Ugh. They must've
really gone to Miss Tilly's.

I can't believe it.

This is your fault.

Most parrots just want crackers,

but you want to start a fire

so you can watch the world burn.

Poison in the scones!

What did you say? What did you say?

No! Before that! No! Before that!

Are you saying Miss Tilly is
putting poison in the scones?

Poison in the scones!

Yes, that!

Wait, did you just say
it because I said it?

Yes, that.

Okay, you know what, I'm just
going to assume you squawked

what I think you squawked
you big bird brain!

[SQUAWKS] She's fun.

There you are.

It's recipe time.

What? I'm still Camper of the Week?

After what I did?

Man, I'm bad at being bad.

We're running out of time
before your banquet tonight,

so I went ahead and
emailed both your parents.

And they each sent me a
recipe that you love, so pick one!

Why did you do that?

Because you wouldn't!
And I want to celebrate you

and my newly restored sense
of professionalism, ya doof!

I can't believe you!

This is exactly what I
didn't want to happen!

[GRUNTS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey, Matteo.

Obviously something's bothering you,

and I'm sorry that I haven't
asked about it sooner.

In my defense, I'm
very self-absorbed.

But I'm asking about it now.

So, come on.

Talk to me.

[EXHALES] Well...

It all started when you told me

I had to pick a family recipe.

Is that what you're worried about?

It doesn't matter which one you pick.

You've seen what
we eat in this place.

But it does matter.

My mom is from Brazil,

and she makes one of
my favorite Brazilian meals.

And my dad is from Panama,

and I also havea
favorite recipe of his.

You said I had to pick one
meal that represents me,

but I feel like if I
pick one or the other,

it's like I'm saying
I'm one or the other.

And it just doesn't feel right.

I know it probably
doesn't make sense.

Matteo,

it makes perfect sense.

Look, in school,

I was always asked to check
a box that described who I was.

My mom is Black, my dad is white,

so, who was I?

But it seemed like neither
box really told my whole story.

So what did you do?

Well, after a while

I realized I didn't
have to pick a box.

I could make my own.

One that included all
the awesome things

that make me who I am.

And I think you should
make your own box, too.

But how do I do it with this dinner?

You're the smartest
kid I know, Matteo.

If anyone can think
outside of the box,

it's you.

Thanks, Ava.

I think I have an idea.

Does it involve magnets?

No.Good,

because I'm still on the
hook for a new flagpole.

Excuse me.

Have you seen my friends?

There's a tall, theatrical one.

And a weird, smellier one.

My name is Mr. Crumbwell.

I was once engaged to our hostess,

but left her stranded at the altar.

She was devastated for a time,

but I do hope she
harbors me no ill-will.

Okay, a simple "no" would've worked.

Miss Tilly!

Ah!

Lovely, another party guest.

Where are my friends?

Squawk Johnson told
me that you put poi...

Tut, tut!

Let's get you settled.

Wait.

Those are scones.

Nay, they are works of art.

I should have never
left her at the altar.

No! Mr. Crumbwell, stop...

[SCREAMS]

[GASPS]

Luckily, you are too late.

Now, let me take care of you

the way I did Noah and Finn.

No!

There's poison in the scones!

There is? All I can taste is love!

I figured it out!

Moira Mulberry is the k*ller!

[ALL APPLAUDING]

What the what? I
thought you were dead!

He is!

And dead people can't
guess the k*ller, Jed!

Oh, yeah.

My bad.

Can I get another scone now?

Scones are for people who
stay in character, Jed!

[GRUNTS]

What is going on here?

Who's Moira Mulberry?

Oh, that's my character.

Miss Tilly's not a m*rder*r.

She's just hosting a
m*rder-mystery party.

Her character got left at the
altar and is getting her revenge.

It's pretty juicy.

Welcome to Miss
Tilly's Dinner of Death!

That's what Squawk Johnson said.

Yes, he heard me
planning the whole thing

and kept repeating all the surprises.

That's why I needed you to bird-sit

so he wouldn't spoil
the fun for my guests.

When Miss Tilly found us
here, she explained it all.

Even added us to the party.

Gave us characters and everything.

Yeah, I'm Boytonbraum Bigglesworth.

That's not even close to his name.

Briarbatch Baltonship?

Your character's name is Matt!

So that means...

I ruined your party.

Oh, fiddle-faddle.

You didn't ruin anything.

Jed did.

Look, I wanted to go bowling tonight.

You, dear,

just brought a little extra
drama to the evening.

Maybe more than a little.

I sort of fired off a text
without all of the information.

All right, Tilly,

give me my boys or I'll give
you the nose pickin' of your life!

For the record, I never trusted you.

Also, your scones are dry!

Excuse us.

Lou, sidebar.

Update on Estelle's spider.

It is still at large and now armed

with the good kitchen scissors.

So, if you see something...

It's probably already too late.

Over to you, Ava.

Welcome, everyone, to our
Camper of the Week banquet.

I was going to tell
you a bit about Matteo,

but I think he should
tell his own story.

Matteo?

Hey, everyone, it's your
Camper of the Week.

Sorry again about the flagpole.

What happened to the flagpole?

Maybe we didn't have the
weirdest caper this week.

When I found out I had to choose
one recipe that represents me,

I didn't know what to do

because I'm not just one thing.

I'm Panamanian,

I'm Brazilian,

I was born in Canada,

and I'm a scientist.

But, with Ava's help,

I realized

I don't have to put myself in a box.

Thanks, Ava.

So tonight, I had Chef Jeff

make you a meal that
represents all facets of me.

A Panamanian stew
with Brazilian meats,

a side of Canadian poutine,

and a tiny hint of
molecular gastronomy.

As a great counselor once told me,

you may now remove your boxes!

[BOTH EXCLAIMING]

I'm really proud of you, Ava.

What can I say? You proved me wrong.

Congratulations, you're back
in charge of the PeeWeeWakas!

Yes! Thank you, Lou!

Wow, you really love those kids, huh?

No, it's just so much less
work than Camper of the Week.

Oh, you're still in charge
of Camper of the Week.

Say, what now?

Now that you've proven yourself
to be such a capable leader,

there are going to be so many
more opportunities for work...

I mean, growth.

Is this what happens to achievers?

All right, cowards,

Estelle's spider won't be
causing us any more problems.

I did what needed to be done.

Am I the next Camper
of the Week, or what?

I'm starting to remember
why we retired this program.