05x12 - Gi Whiz

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bunk'd". Aired July 2015 - current.*
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"Bunk'd" is a "Jessie" spin-off revolving around Emma, Ravi, and Zuri Ross at a rustic summer camp in Maine, where their parents met as teens. Along with their new friends, the trio tries their best to settle into their exciting new lives at Camp Kikiwaka.
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05x12 - Gi Whiz

Post by bunniefuu »

Good call pulling over here, Noah.

The Shop 'n Squat is like
the Taj Mahal of rest stops.

Hey, you guys think Parker is
going to miss the xenon flash lamp?

It's not one of the four
paintings of his face,

I think you're good.

I'm borrowing it for my MIT
Invent-a-thon submission.

It's a short-range,
focused-photon beam

housed inside an everyday stylus.

No earthly idea what
you're talking about,

but it sounds... [FAKE SNORES]

It's a laser pen that can cut
through any matter on earth.

Pretty cool. I snore corrected.

So shall we hit the road?

What's the rush?

You should check out this rest stop.

There's a guy that gives out towels

after you wash your hands.

They're paper, but
it still feels classy.

Sammy's been around forever.

He's smelled some things.

How did you know his name is Sammy?

Uh, just a lucky guess.

Wait a minute. This is your hometown.

I totally forgot.

We should stop and meet your parents.

I love to put a face to
a camp tuition check.

I'd like to meet them, too.

I can finally dig into
your backstory, Matteo.

Your social media presence

leaves a lot to the imagination.

I don't know.

They're probably too busy
with work to hang out anyways.

And, Lou, I know how excited
you are to get to the farm.

The farm isn't going anywhere.

Least not until the
next mudslide season.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Thanks for saying yes to serving
breakfast on the lawn, Parker.

The ants made me
realize why we shouldn't,

but we're all learning together.

It's the least I could do.

I know my time as camp
director got off to a rocky start.

I made him think Matteo got
stuck in another dimension.

So much goo.

Wait, the guy in charge of keeping
us alive was tricked by Finn?

We're all gonna die.

Don't worry.

Parker may be in charge of the camp,

but after Matteo-gate,

Lou put me in charge of him.

Which is totally unnecessary.

Okay? By the time Lou comes back,

I am going to be the
most popular, beloved,

and popular camp director ever.

Did I mention popular?

Well, if you'll excuse
me, Mr. Popular,

the pepper on my eggs is
walking away with my bacon.

Yo, Parker!

Breakfast was sick!

Because it was awesome or
because you ate some ants?

[CHUCKLES] Both.

Hey, can I use the old
high-dive down by the lake?

Wasn't it condemned?

Well, I don't know what
condemned means.

But I'm talking about the
one with the pretty yellow tape

that says caution on it.

Oh, uh, well, I'm not sure...

How we went all
summer without using it.

Get after it, bro.

Yes! Thanks, Parker.

This dive is going to be sick.

The lake's not gonna
know what hit it,

but it's gonna be this face!

Wait. This is where
your parents work?

Where are all the science-y things?

Hi-yah!

Matty-pants?

Hey, Mamae.

Oh! [CHUCKLES]

Wait, that's your mom?

I always figured your
parents had megahertz power,

not "ow, it hurts" power.

Matty, what a wonderful surprise.

And you brought guests.

Oh, welcome to our
family's jujitsu gym.

Um, Mamae, this is Lou and Noah.

And, guys, this is my
mom, Sensei Silva.

Call me Carina. Matteo's
told me so much about you.

Noah, I hear you're an actor.
Been in anything I've seen?

Nope, I'm wildly
unsuccessful, thanks for asking!

And, Lou, it's such a
pleasure to finally meet

Matteo's camp director.

It's so nice to finally meet the
butt-kicking woman from my vision board!

I can't wait to visit with you,

but I have to teach one last class

before tonight's belt
promotion ceremony.

Ah, what a shame we'll miss all that,

but we have to be on
our way. Right, guys?

Leave so soon? But you just got here.

Are you sure you can't stick around

and take a lesson with my students?

I'd love to.

Jujitsu will really round
out my stage combat skills.

All I'm currently certified
in is slap-fighting.

And I want to become a one-woman
wrecking ball, like your mom.

Those possums have stolen their
last honey-baked ham from me.

Uh, I'll sit this one out.

I'm, uh, not feeling great.

I ate an all Shop 'n Squat lunch.

Oh, sweetie, I'm
sorry, but good call.

We don't want anyone throwing
up while they're throwing down.

Now, if you two could
sign some waivers,

I'll go grab your gis.

Hope everyone here okay
with the sight of their own blood?

Hey, Zachary. How was the high dive?

Nuts, man.

My life flashed before my eyes,

and if I wasn't me, I'd wanna be.

What'd you do?

Swan dive, back flip, jack Kn*fe?

Oh, get this.

I broke off an epic
quarter turn full-body

parallel entry.

You know, a belly flop.

That's what that sound was?

We thought a truck
backfired on the highway.

I thought I was gonna
do a cannonball,

but this was way more legendary.

I made my mark on this camp

just like the lake made
its mark on my belly.

Permanently. [LAUGHS]

Did you see what I just saw?

Uh, no.

They're your eyes.

Zachary just became a
Camp Kikiwaka legend.

Like Christina Ross, or Lou, or Darryl
S. Moore, who invented the s'more.

BOTH: Mallowed be his name.

Summer's almost over.

We need to start thinking
about our legacy around here

and with Permissive Parker in charge,

now is the perfect time.

We just have to come up
with something legendary to do.

I got it. Porcupine jousting!

Okay. Are we riding the porcupines...

Wait, why am I asking?
We're not doing that!

Oh, Ava. What do you think
my sash? It's gonna say,

"a beloved leader." Too much?

Not enough?

Did you know Zachary did a belly flop

off the high-dive so hard

that he can't talk right anymore?

I think that's just
the way he sounds.

Why didn't you just tell him no?

I can't tell the campers "no."

They love me for saying yes.

On a related note, tonight's
dinner, spaghetti and malt balls.

Look, you need to say
no to them sometimes.

It's how you keep them safe.

It's your job.

Okay, we're gonna practice.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[IMITATES ZACHARY] What
up, I'm Zachary from Coyote Cabin.

Is it okay if I skate down a
ramp and through a ring of fire?

Absolutely!

-No! -I'll
get the
lighter fluid.

Just say no.

Or better idea.

You be the one to shut
down the kids' bad ideas,

and I'll be the one they
remember fondly into adulthood,

and they'll ask me to
walk them down the aisle

when they have a
falling out with their dad.

Well, normally, I'd say no
to being the one to say no,

but I do love saying no, so yes.

Great. See, now
everyone's a happy camper.

Whoa! I totally get that phrase now.

Okay, you two, let's see
those heel hooks in action.

Cut!

What is it now?

You are embarrassing me
in front of Matteo's cool mom.

Sorry, Lou, but I'm not
feeling my motivation to fight.

My character is a
soft-hearted ambulance driver,

and yours is a
misunderstood anti-hero.

We shouldn't be fighting.

We should be feeling.

Noah, fights don't have characters.

And the only thing that
you should be feeling

is your opponent's
head in your armpit.

Pro tip. If you don't wear
deodorant, they pass out faster.

No, I cannot continue
this life of constant warfare.

It's time for this ole cowpoke
to hang up his chaps.

What genre is this?

Well, Lou, you still
need an opponent.

Matty, why don't you
come help us out?

Uh, that's all right.

Uh, I'm really enjoying this bench.

Is it reclaimed pine?

Wow! [CHUCKLES]

And that's okay.

We all love Matteo for
the delicate flower he is.

[CHUCKLES] There are
no delicate flowers in a dojo.

Come on, Matty.

Don't worry, Matty.

I promise, I'll go easy on...

You.

Who is this boy?

And what has he done
with my delicate flower?

Nice sash, Parker.

Game recognize game.

Thanks. What're you guys up to?

Nothing much. Just setting
up this fuse that goes down

to a canoe we filled with all
the fireworks Lou's confiscated.

That's cool with you, right?

Uh...

Ava! Come see this very dangerous
thing that Finn and Destiny are doing.

Quickly, please. Quickly, quickly.

Um, no.

How can you say no already?

You don't even know what we're doing.

Is that a fuse?

-Yes.
-Then I know enough.

I would have said yes,

but Lou put Ava in charge of me,
so we have to do what she says.

Disappointed!

Besides, aren't you guys supposed
to be cleaning the mess hall right now?

But cleaning isn't legendary.

Neither is playing
the fart and run game,

but that has never stopped you.

It's called squeak and streak, Ava.

And it's not a game,

it's a lifestyle.

All right.

Well, I am going to
streak before you squeak.

I still don't get why we didn't
just set off the fireworks earlier.

I can't keep explaining
nighttime to you, Finn.

How did you flip me like that?

I'm a five-time hog
wrestling champion

and you treated me,

well, like I treated those hogs.

I may have to write
some apology letters.

Yeah, and you've always been
so bad at, you know, the sports.

I am bad at other sports.

But Brazilian jujitsu teaches you

how to defeat a stronger,
more athletic opponent

by using leverage and weight
distribution against them.

Matteo's been martial arts-trained

since before he was potty trained.

You did not want to end up in one of
his leg locks when his diaper was full.

We used to call it the
number two necktie.

What a fun family.

Jujitsu runs in our blood,

but Matteo's on another level.

He would have earned
his green belt by now,

but he's always at camp during
the belt promotion ceremony.

[CHUCKLES]

Such an unfortunate coincidence.

Let's not think too hard about it.

But now that you're here,
you can finally participate.

And best of all, once
you earn that green belt,

you'll be certified to
teach classes here.

Do you think he could
teach at camp too?

It'd be great to have a self-defense
class that isn't just "run."

It's finally happening, fofo.

Once you put on that green belt,

your life-long jujitsu
journey begins.

And then one day, you'll
be running this place.

I'm so excited.

Me too.

Me too. You were right, Matteo.

This bench is a delight!

You know who's legendary?

Whoever invented dusting with a...

[SNEEZES]

Duck butt.

Finn, look at this.

It says, "Timothy Elefont,
summer of ' ." Huh.

"Bethany Albert, ' ."

Why is she smiling and crying?

I bet she's being tickled while
watching the end of Titanic.

I wonder if there's
something behind this, too.

[GASPS]

"The Wall of Flame.
Dedicated to the brave campers

"who lost their taste buds
in the quest to conquer

"the area's hottest pepper..."

BOTH: "The Wakapepper."

It's a secret
pepper-eating challenge.

And these must be the winners.

That's it.

That's how we can become legends.

We win the Wakapepper Challenge,

but we do it in front
of the whole camp.

Yes, eat your heart, Duck Butt Guy.

Is it just me, or is
Matteo not into this?

What do you mean?

[SIGHS]

I see what you mean.

A perfect arm lock.

To conclude this year's ceremony,

my son is just one task away
from earning his green belt.

After breaking this board,

he will be rewarded
with fiercer opponents,

immense responsibility

and this coupon for
% off at the Gi Galleria.

You okay, Matteo?

You're not the best at
hiding your true emotions.

Don't worry. It's the focus
of our next acting workshop.

Yeah, you're scary good at this,

but you don't seem like
you're having that much fun.

That's because I'm not having fun.

I've never enjoyed jujitsu.

I mean, it's taught me a lot

and given me
confidence and discipline,

but my parents want
it to be my whole life.

And there are other
things I want to do.

I should be calibrating the
polarity of my laser right now.

You know, enjoying my childhood.

I do not. But go on.

I was so happy when I
came to Camp Kikiwaka

because I didn't have to be
who my parents wanted me to be.

I could be who I
wanted to be. A scientist.

I finally got to write my own story.

Is that why you never told us

your body is a deadly w*apon?

Yeah.

And it's why I've
avoided this ceremony.

As soon as I get my green belt,

I'll have students to teach,

more competitions to win.

And next thing you know,

I'm running this gym
all day, every day

instead of being a famous inventor,

like that Duck Butt Guy
Finn's always talking about!

Look, Matteo, I
know it's tough, but...

I think you should be
honest with your mom.

She believes you like this stuff,

but I am sure she'd
want to know the truth.

And "kee-yah" her right in the heart?

I'm sorry, Lou.

I'm a deadly w*apon, not a monster.

Hey, guys, what's going on?


History, Parker.

Soon, Destiny and I will join

the leather-tongued legends
that conquered the infamous...

BOTH: Wakapepper.

You guys name
everything after this camp.

It's the hottest
pepper in the region.

And if we each eat three,

we'll earn our place
on the Wall of Flame.

But there's one thing
standing in our way.

Thank goodness.

Only an adult can buy Wakapeppers.

So we need you to get them for us.

Oh!

Oh, don't, don't get me wrong.

I would love to help you guys,

but unfortunately,

Ava's probably gonna shut this down.

That's why we can't tell her.

Oh! Of course we can't tell Ava.

The last thing we would want

is to have... Ava come see this!

Shh! Ava's gonna hear you.

Oh, sorry.

Totally can't...

Have Ava see what's happening here!

What's going on? What's wrong?

Oh, darn!

Well, now that you're here,

I guess you should know

that Finn and Destiny wanna eat

a bunch of super
duper hot Wakapeppers.

And they were so
close to pulling it off!

Destiny, Finn,

you do not need to
burn your insides for fun.

Our normal food already does that.

Ava, please?

I am this close to
tasting immortality,

even if it's the last
thing I ever taste.

Yeah, come on. Don't be such an Ava.

[SCOFFS]

Easy, Parker.

Don't worry, kids. I'm with you.

Boo, Ava! Boo, Ava!

Like I care if you boo me.

ALL: Boo, Ava! Boo, Ava!

Okay! Okay!

Now, I care!

You know what, Parker?

I'm leaving this up to you.

-Pardon?
-You heard me.

This time, I'm not saying no.

But... Yes!

Let's go get those peppers.

And make sure you bring
at least two forms of ID.

They are not messing
around with these things.

At our dojo,

breaking a board
symbolizes the beginning

of an all-consuming,
life-long journey

to develop a personal
style of jujitsu.

Plus, it looks really cool.

[CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT] So, Matteo?

Halt! Pause! Time out!

I don't know the right jujitsu word.

You could just say,
"hold on a minute."

Cool, cool.

Matteo, a quick chat.

Look, I don't think you
should have to wait till camp

to write your own story.

You should write it here, too.

Lou, I can't.

Yes, you can.

I know you wanna make your mom happy,

but she wants the same thing for you.

So show her who you really are.

Write your own story.

And use this pen.

Lou, this isn't a pen, it's...

Oh! Got you.

Okay, I'm ready.

Are you almost finished, Lou?

We need to hurry.

I lend the dojo to Overachievers
Anonymous meetings after class

and they are very punctual.

Hey, everyone. Um, it's me.

The kid from the brochures.

You know, the green belt
represents a fighter's chance

to develop his own
personal style of jujitsu.

But the thing is,

jujitsu isn't really my style.

This is.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[CROWD GASPS]

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

Matty, what are you doing?

I'm sorry, sensei.

You knew this doesn't
count for your belt, right?

I know.

And I'm so thankful for everything

you've taught me, Mamae.

But the truth is,

this isn't who I am.

Or what makes me happy.

I don't wanna take over the gym.

I'm a scientist, not a fighter.

Really?

I thought all that science
stuff was just a phase.

Like that year, you asked
us to all call you "Falcon."

I wish I told you before, but...

I didn't want you to
be disappointed in me.

So... Are you?

I could never be
disappointed in you, Matteo.

I'm only disappointed
that I didn't know

that you felt this way.

Really?

Really.

You're my brilliant
son and I love you.

And from now on,

the only unbreakable
hold I care about,

is the one you have on my heart.

Aw! So,

are we going to let
that "Falcon" thing go?

Oh, no way.

But let's let Mom and
Falcon have their moment.

Yo!

Sick briefcase, guys! What's in it?

BOTH: Wakapeppers!

Apparently they're too hot
for paper bags. [CHUCKLES]

That bodes well.

[LAUGHS]

[GAS HISSING] Oh!

Yeowch! You're gonna eat these?

Oh! Legendary!

Your inside tummy is gonna
look like my outside tummy.

And my outside tummy

definitely needs medical attention.

Ava, this is dangerous.

Somebody needs to stop them.

Someone who wouldn't risk
losing their really cool sash.

Then you better make sure the
infirmary has extra tongue scrubbers

and maybe some extra campers.

Welcome, everyone, to
the Wakapepper Challenge.

If Finn and I can eat three of these

blazing hot peppers,

we will be remembered forever

on the new prominently featured

Wall of Flame!

Yup, I should've stayed in Canada.

Now, time to get flame-ous!

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

PARKER: No!

[PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

Hey! Our peppers!

You ate them all!

[CAMPERS BOOING]

No more Wakapepper Challenge.

No more dangerous stunts.

No more malt balls in spaghetti!

I say no!

No, no, no!

Well, that was more
dramatic than I expected.

Or was necessary.

Why did you do that?

Because it's not my
job to keep you happy.

It's my job to keep you safe.

Honestly, I don't even
see what the big deal is.

These peppers aren't that bad.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh! Oh, it's bad!

Whoo! Oh!

No, wrong move!
Glitter makes it worse!

[PANTING] Oh!

Wow. That looks rough.

Thanks for stopping us.

It's my pleasure.

Oh, jeez. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Second wave. Oh!

Dance away the pain!
Dance away the pain!

Well, well.

Look at the new member
of the Wall of Flame.

When there's a cool breeze,

I can almost feel my tongue.

I'm proud of you, Parker.

You may have picked the
dumbest way to stop the challenge,

but you still stopped it.

I'm sorry I let things
get out of hand.

I tend to be a little worried

about what people think of me.

I get it.

But in the end, you
did what was right

instead of what was easy.

Well, you set a great example.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Not so great.

I did say yes to one of the things

I was supposed to stop.

[FIREWORKS IN THE DISTANCE]

Our fireworks.

They fire-worked.

Yes! We're gonna be legends.

Yeah, you are.

This is bigger than that kid that
did a belly flop off the high-dive.

That was you.

Oh, it was?

Aw, man, I do not remember that!

By the way,

can you tell Lou what happened

to her fireworks for me?

No.

They grow up so fast.
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