05x13 - Dancin' Up a Storm

[bunniefuu]

[BUZZING]

[GASPS AND SCREAMS]

You'll never escape,
Timothee Chalamet!

What's going on?

Destiny, something just
crawled on me.

We live in a cabin.
It happens.

No, this was different.

This was either the
biggest bug I've ever seen.

Or the smallest horse.

- Ava, I'm sure you're just...
- [BUZZING]

Oh, sweet mercy!
There it is!

[SCREAMING]

[SHUDDERS] It just
went under the bed.

[BUZZING STOPS]

I can't find it.

It could be anywhere.

Why does Matteo have
to be on a road trip?

He's our go-to bug weirdo!

Well, no way
I'm sleeping tonight

with that creepy thing around.

I'm already having
enough trouble

with Dream Timothy Chalamet
stealing my cheesecake.

There's only one
thing to do then.

We're gonna have

- to k*ll it.
- Catch it.

What?

No. We should catch
and release it,

so it can go be
with its friends.

I think we should
k*ll and release it

to teach its friends
a lesson.

How are we friends?

OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING...

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

[♪ ♪]

Here we are.
My childhood home.

Generations of
Hockhausers have

come and gone
through this kitchen,

but the smell
of cornmeal mush...

[SNIFFS]

...still remains.

Shouldn't we have let your
relatives know we're coming?

Yeah, I'm
a little worried

about the sign
outside that says

"Beware of cow."

Don't worry.
My cousin Cricket

and her husband
just took over the farm

and they love surprises.

Plus, Pop-pop
just told me

that they named their
new arrival after me.

So, of course, I have to
meet the little cutie-pie.

[MAN AND WOMAN LAUGHING]

That's them! Let's hide.
They'll be so happy.

Myron, did you feed
the leftover chicken to the hogs?

Yep. And I fed
the leftover bacon

to the chickens.
Circle of life.

- Surprise!
- [YELPS]

Jeepers cripes,
alfrighty!

Myron,
get the att*ck cow!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Cricket, it's just me.

Cousin Lou.

Why didn't you tell me
you were coming?

Well, like I said...

Surprise!

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

You know,
if there's one thing

this road trip
has taught us,

it's that we should
stop surprising

our family members.

Hey, Parker.
What you up to?

Finn, my friend,
I am deep in thought.

On purpose?

Weird.

Lou's back from her
road trip tomorrow,

so tonight is my last
night as camp director.

Oh, no. But you've
been doing so well.

I want to do something
epic tonight to celebrate.

Are we celebrating
that you thought

you let Matteo slip
into another dimension?

Or that you lost control

of the camp and ate
a fistful of Wakapeppers.

I also brought you breakfast
that one time,

and I noticed
you didn't mention that.

The point is,
it has to be perfect.

Oh, I got it!

We'll have a dance party.

Dancing?

Uh, I don't know.

Hey, how about we just
sit down in a quiet room

while keeping our arms
and legs motionless?

Just spitballing.
Please do that.

Come on, everyone
loves dancing.

Whoo! That one
got me through

to the finals on Canada's
most popular talent show,

What's that Dancing
All About, eh?

Well, you guys have fun.

Dancing's not really
my thing.

Well, then, let's
make it your thing.

When I'm done
with you,

you'll be the best
dancer at camp.

Well, second best.

My Viennese waltz
in the finals got

four out of four maple leaves.

One-two-three. Watch
your step. [GRUNTS]

I can't believe
we missed

a whole night's
sleep looking

for that stupid bug.

You're not planning
to use the magazine

to k*ll it, are you?

No, I'm just going
to lull it to sleep

with this article about
J. Io's amazing new life.

[BUZZING]

Wait.

I think I hear it
in the bathroom.

Here, little buggy.

I'm just gonna scoop you up

so I can return you
to the ecosystem.

And you can be with...

[BUZZING]
[SCREAMING]

It flies!

To heck with
the ecosystem! k*ll it!

- AVA: Oh, my gosh!
- What?

J. Io's new life
really is amazing

So you and your
camp friends

broke into our house
to surprise us.

What a fun,
well-thought-out idea.

I am sorry, Cricket.

I thought you guys would
like the surprise.

I was just telling
Noah and Matteo

how our farm has always had
an open door policy.

Not since
the tractor got stolen.

Not Pop-pop's tractor.

That was his favorite way
to spread manure.

What was his
least favorite way?

Well, being here
really takes me back.

You know, my parents used
to mark my height on the wall,

over here each year, and...

Hey! Where's my height?

Oh, we did some repainting.

The pencil marks clashed
with our new refrigerator.

Okay. Well, I'm sorry

my childhood didn't
match your decor.

And right over here is the
Hockhauser cousins family portrait

with my face
scratched out of it.

Wouldn't you know?
The cat got to it. [ROARS]

Huh. Just my face?

Some cats do find
your smile off-putting.

So weird. I think
it's perfectly adequate.

Okay, Well, I did
come all the way here

to meet
my namesake.

So where is
the cute little Lou?

Uh, Myron, can you go
get our little girl?

Yep.

Hope she didn't wander
into traffic again.

They keep
the baby outside?

Must be a farm thing.

Hopefully she's safe

from that
super-tall cat

who hates
human faces.

You know, Cricket,
I am really honored

that you decided to name
your baby after me.

Here's our girl.

Lou, meet
Lou Junior.

What the Hockhauser?

They painted over
my height,

scratched my face
out of a family photo

and named
a donkey after me.

Maybe it's a sign
of affection.

Oh, please, Noah.

Everyone knows you name
pigs after people you respect,

donkeys are for people
you're angry with,

sheep are for cool people,

and turkeys are hilarious.

Right. My bad.

Lou, if you're upset,

why don't you just have an
honest talk with them about it?

Oh, sweet, sweet Matteo.

Around here on the farm,

that's not how we do things.

We bottle up our feelings,
preserve them for winter,

and then the rage
keeps you warm.

Lou, I'm just gonna

squeeze right
past you.

Oh, I meant
the donkey, not you.

It is so confusing
having two Lous.

Is it? Because one of us
is wearing pants

and the other one just pooped
on the linoleum.

So, how long
will you be staying?

I just need to know how
many plans I should cancel.

Only a little while.
Just long enough to figure out

how many other traces
of me have been erased.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Everything they're
saying sounds so polite,

but it's making
my tummy hurt.

It's true. Things have
changed a lot

around here
since you left.

I see you've changed, too.

Owning your own camp
must pay well.

That RV is mighty fancy.

I was gonna get
one of those,

but it turns out that
wishing well is a scam!

Oh, I just borrowed
the RV from a friend.

Ah. [CHUCKLES]
So you're rich

and you have rich friends.

[LAUGHING]

How rich.

Okay.

My psychology professor
would say

this passive-aggressiveness
is very unhealthy.

He might also have
some thoughts

about the
deep-fried butter.

Finn, you got
your dance gear on? Let's go.

It's been like minutes

since I did
the Futsal Shuffle.

And I got needs.

Okay. I don't know
how this thing

is gonna help me dance,

but I really like
how it hugs my hips.

What you are wearing is
the Dancemaster .

It's one of the inventions
I came up with

during my
entrepreneurial days.

Or as my parents call it,

the "Now we have to sell
the beach house" days.

You invented
this thing?

Well, I invented the idea,
which is the hard part.

The scientists I hired
did all the easy stuff,

like, making it work.

But we don't talk about him
after he stormed off yelling,

"I won't be a part of this
deadly project any longer!"

- Why?
- All right, let's do this.

So, the neural receptors
in this helmet

translate brainwaves
into motor activities.

Hmm. I get it,

is what I'd say
if I got it.

All you do is think
about dancing,

and the suit will
do the moves.

- Let's give it a try.
- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Follow me.

And, five, six, seven, eight.

Give it a pop.
Pop, pop, pop.

Just think.
That's it!

Let's go.

Try this. Five, six,
seven, eight.

Gonna spin around,
roll it down,

pull it back up,
pass to you.

Let's go. Yes!

Here we go.
What? That's it.

This is amazing.
I can't believe I was

such a baby
about this. Whoa!

Parker, what's happening?

Oh, no. I was
worried about this.

You said babies.

Sometimes the neural receptors
get glitchy

and they pick up
on non-dance thoughts.

Wait.
So are you saying

if I think about
something weird, like,

a monkey running around

rubbing his butt on trees,
I'll end up...

Whoa!

[KIDS LAUGHING]

Parker, that's the most
embarrassing thing in my life,

and I dated a lawnmower.

Finn, I'm sorry.

Not only will I not
be dancing tonight,

but I'm not going
to the party at all.

And I'm never
gonna dance again.

And someday,
I'm gonna become

a mayor
of a small town

and outlaw
dancing altogether!

Isn't that just the plot
of the movie Footloose?

Kevin Bacon's
performance is inspired!

- We are going into -that bathroom.
- Yeah!

- And we are going -to get that bug.
- Yeah!

And then I'm gonna
put on some deodorant

'cause I forgot to
this morning.

I wasn't gonna
say anything, but yeah.

[BUZZING][BOTH GASP AND SCREAM]

[BUZZING]

It seems bigger now!

Has it been working out?

[BUZZING STOPS]

[GASPS]

Where is it?

I don't see it.

Maybe it's calling
a truce?

[BUZZING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

There's no truce.
There's no truce!

Quick! Wave
your armpits at it.

I get it. I'll
put on deodorant.

Looks like
the dishes are done.

Anything else we can do?

No, thank you, Lou.
You've done plenty.

All right. Well...

Oh. I see.

Boys, Cricket has
just asked us to leave.

- She did?
- Yeah.

She said, "All right, well..."
and slapped her thigh.

And around here, that means

quit the sittin'
and get to gettin'.

Don't worry.
I hear your thigh slap,

and I raise you a hair
flip. Come on, boys.

[WIND BLOWING]

Whoa! It is really
windy out there!

I'm a city guy.

Is corn
supposed to fly?

And another thing, just
to set the record straight,

I am not rich. I run
a modest summer camp.

Our drinking water is run off
from the local splash park.

[GASPS] You keep
your gasp to yourself.

How do you think
you get free tickets?

You know
what I think?

I think since
you left the farm,

you've become...

citified.[GASPS]

- Me? Citified?
- Mm-hmm.

In Lou's defense,

she still has a pet pig
she takes to church.

I bet you she's too good
to slaughter it herself!

That's it.
Enough pleasantries.

Pleasantries?

You know what?
It wasn't the cat

who scratched your face
off that photo. It was me!

With my good cheese knives.

I knew it.
How could you blame

Kitty Musgraves
for your dirty deed?

And we named
the donkey after you,

because she's...

I got that one!
Not very subtle.

We did it all because we
know why you let the farm.

You think that
you're better than us.

That's why we don't want
anything around here

that reminds us of you.

Oh, and by the way,

these two are no better.

No, no, no, no!

Us. What did we do?

This one acts
like a know-it-all.

Um, I think
you're projecting.

And the actor.
Where are you from?

Hollywood?

No. Studio City.

Oh. "Studio City."
Might as well call it

"We think we're better
than everyone else" city.

No. You're thinking
of Beverly Hills.

Leave my boys alone.

We did not show
up here uninvited

to be treated like
uninvited guests.

For the last time,
we are leaving.

[SIREN WAILING]

Oh. That's
the tornado siren.

We are staying!

[RUMBLING]

You know, I always
thought I'd go out

in a moose stampede,
or trying to befriend

a rabid possum,
but not being stuck

in a storm cellar with a
family who doesn't like me.

Oh, look who's bragging

about getting to hang out
with a rabid possum.

Well, at least you know
where you stand with them.

Very far away!

Well, if you don't
like it here,

maybe you'd be
more comfortable

in the back bedroom

with your donkey
namesake, Good Lou.

Oh! Are you saying
I'm Bad Lou?

No. You're Worst Lou.

Bad Lou is what
we named the gofer

who lives under the toolshed.

Will everyone
just stop?

I'm fed up
with all of you

being so mean
to each other.

You're all just
covering the fact

that you're clearly hurt.

I mean, you don't
have to take

a post-graduate class
in psychology, which I have.

ALL: We get it!

[RUMBLING]

You guys need to confront
your true feelings!

What true feeling?

Isn't it obvious?

Cricket and Myron feel
abandoned by you.

What? Is that true?

Of course it's true!

You and I were gonna
run the farm together

when we grew up. That was
our dream. But then you left.

Yeah, because
my dreams changed.

But leaving the farm was

was never easy for me.
I've missed you.

Well, that's hard to believe
when you never visit.

We thought
you forgot about us.

I could never
forget about you.

Family means
everything to me.

And I should have made
a point to stay in touch,

and I didn't.
And I am so sorry.

- I'm sorry, too!
- Me, too!

And since we're
confessing our feelings,

I fed my dinner
to the donkey.

That pot roast was dry!

I still play with puppets!

Did the tornado pass us?

- Sounds like it.
- We're safe.

[EXCLAIMS]
I'm gonna live!

Did you say
my pot roast was dry?

[CRYING] I'm gonna die.

Finn, I know you were
embarrassed out there,

but it wasn't that bad.

Everyone in camp
laughed at me

and I have
splinters in my butt.

Okay. It was that bad.

Listen, I was wrong.

I shouldn't have tried
to make you a better dancer,

especially with
the Dancemaster .

It's called that for a reason.

The , that came before it

literally burst into flames.

I'm beginning to understand
how you came to us.

Look, I'm sorry.

Dancing isn't about being
perfect. It's about having fun.

Well, I used
to have fun dancing.

But not anymore.

What changed?

Me. I changed.

Ever since I got tall
so fast, I feel weird.

I'm embarrassed to do anything
physical in front of people.

Dude, I get it.

Growing up,
it's hard on everyone.

But what you're going
through is perfectly normal.

Not for me.

It's like for the past year,
I've been wearing

an Awkwardmaster .

Being your age
was tough for me, too.

Check out
this poor goof.[GASPS]

Whoa, look at you. [GASPS]

I mean...

[EXCITEDLY] Wow,
look at you.

The point is, the next
few years could be awkward.

But if you let that keep you
from doing things that are fun,

you're gonna
miss out on a lot.

Yeah, maybe.

Look, you don't gotta dance
at the party tonight,

but I would really love
for you to be there.

By the way, you should
delete that photo

and sh**t down whatever
cloud it's stored on.

No way. I never want to
forget that part of my life.

And when I look back, I
realize it was a pretty okay time.

You do you regret
the fedora, though, right?

Oh, absolutely. My parents
should have stepped in.

Huh. I thought
I was taller than that.

Guess that tornado must've
scared a couple inches off of me.

We'll be sad
to see you go,

but I know you have
to get back to work.

Yeah. I'm sorry
to leave so soon,

but this drive took longer
than I thought,

and I left my camp in the
hands of a real life dingus.

You must be doing
a great job there

because these two
are actually pretty sweet.

Thanks.

As my postgraduate
psychology professor once said...

- Does he ever -stop with that?
- No.

Well, we better hit the road.

But this time, I promise
I will be back very soon.

Good, because you will
always have a home here.

[CHUCKLES]

Before I go, there is
one more family member

I need to say
goodbye to. Lou.

We're sorry
we named her after you.

Yeah, we should've name her
after that tractor thief.

Three raccoons
in a trench coat.

Anyhoo...

Well, looks like you've got
to be the Lou around here now.

Take care
of Cricket and Myron.

Especially Myron.

That boy ain't right.

Um, guys...

Was the RV always
on its side like that.

No! My puppets!

We've looked everywhere
for that bug.

Maybe it's gone.

Destiny, it's right there,
on your trophy.

No, don't.

That's my trophy for Most
Humble Humanitarian under .

I wiped the floor
with those do-gooder losers.

I'm sorry, Destiny,
but it has to be done.

Wait. Where did it go?

[BUZZING]

It's on your guitar.[GASPS]

- Quick, fly back -to the trophy.
- Ava!

Fine.

Oh, but I can't look.

Goodbye, guitar.

I'll always remember
your wonky E string.

Ava, the bug... [GASPS]

[GASPS]

...left.

[GASPING] My guitar!

So, I destroyed it
for nothing.

Would it help if I gave you
my trophy to smash?

Little bit.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Wait. This is what
a dance party is?

'Cause sitting around
and sulking I can do.

It's like you're not the only kid
that feels awkward at this age.

Come on.
Let's get out there.

Seriously? You okay if you
end up feeling a little awkward?

Maybe, maybe not.

But like you said,
I won't know if I don't try.

And if I need something else
for everyone to laugh at,

I'll show them
your school picture.

[CHUCKLES]

Fair.

All right, let's see
what you got.

Hey, talk about old school.
What else you got?

Whoo! Look at these feet.

Yeah! Try this.
Wave it out. Pew.

Send it back. What?
Let's go. Hey!

Yeah![ALL CHEERING]

Hey, everybody.
We're back.

Already?

Parker, you threw me a welcome
back home surprise party?

That was so sweet.

No, actually... Oh, you're right, Lou.

It's a "welcome back early before we
even expect you to come home party".

Hey, Parker,
where do you want...

Hey... Lou.

"Great job,
Camp Director Parker."

Is that what
we're calling you now?

Oh. That must be a typo.
[CHUCKLES]

I'll talk to the sign guy.

Hey, I thought you weren't
driving back until tomorrow.

- Oh, there was -a change of plans.
- We had to fly home.

Fly? What happened
to my RV?

It's getting
a little work done.

What?

Hey, let's not even
focus on that right now.

This is a party, you know.
Conga line starts here.

Come on,
Camp Director Parker.

[MUSIC PLAYING]