02x12 - Don't Bug the Mosquitoes

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Gilligan's Island". Aired: September 26, 1964 – April 17, 1967.*
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Series follows the comic adventures of seven castaways as they try to survive on an island where they are shipwrecked.
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02x12 - Don't Bug the Mosquitoes

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

[Rock 'n' roll playing on radio]

[Tune ends]

D.j.: Today, cats and kittens,

On the sam riddle show on bozz radio,

We're featuring the music of america's number one rock 'n' roll group,

The mosquitoes.

[New tune playing]

Gilligan, will you stop that?

What a grouch.

Aah!

Oh, gilligan, you've had it. Now will you get out of here?

I can't take that music.

Ohh...

[Music playing]

Thurston, do you think we're having a nightmare?

Together, with our eyes open?

Even sigmund freud never dreamt of rock 'n' roll.

I wonder what it could be.

Oh, some tone deaf fool playing the radio loud at...

: In the morning!

Uhh!

First, I'll break the radio.

And then I'll k*ll gilligan.

No! I'll k*ll gilligan, and then I'll break the radio!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan! Gilligan!

Mr. Howell: I sorely miss the sweet sounds of civilization.

But there's one sound that I don't miss,

And that's the ya-ya-ya of the mosquitoes.

Now turn off that infernal machine at once.

It's a matter of taste, mr. Howell.

Erhh! Matter of taste?

If you want to taste that radio...

Turn it off, gilligan!

Here. It's off.

Well, I said turn it off!

It's off! It's off!

It is off.

[Music continues playing]

Where's that music coming from?

The lagoon!

The lagoon. Lagoon.

Maybe.

[Helicopter]

Don't panic, man, but I think we're surrounded by savages.

Savages? Man, the savages record for safari records.

Boy, are we glad to see you!

I can't believe it!

We've been rescued!

I can't believe it, either.

It's the mosquitoes, my favorite musical group.

I thought you said we were gonna get away from our fans.

Yeah. You said this island was deserted and we'd be all alone.

How did I know it was inhabited?

That helicopter pilot told me this place was out of sight.

We must be way out. Get a load of these characters.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm thurston howell iii, millionaire,

Personal advisor to the bolshoi ballet, and lawrence welk.

You, sir, look like attila the hun or a yale man.

Allow me to introduce my group.

You don't have to do that. Everyone knows the mosquitoes.

That's bingo, bango, bongo, and irving.

Irving? Well, never mind.

Look, I'm the skipper of the s.s. Minnow.

And we've been shipwrecked here for a long, long time.

We've been waiting for somebody like yourselves to come along and rescue us!

Well, I'll tell you what we'll do, commodore.

If your group will cooperate with the mosquitoes,

We'll get you off the island.

Good heavens. If we had to be rescued by musicians,

Why couldn't it have been the new york philharmonic?

Really, your trousers.

So that's what's happened to our civilization since we've been gone.

Yeah. They're the mosquitoes.

I got a collection of all their albums.

Ah, worthwhile hobby, nature boy.

Interesting. Very, very interesting.

Whatever they are.

I'll see you later, gilligan.

Yeah, professor.

Mary ann: ginger, come on!

Aah! The mosquitoes! Ohh!

Please! No physical contact.

Oh, ginger, hurry up!

Hey, who is this ginger, mrs. Money bags?

No. That's mrs. Howell. Ginger is, well...

She's kinda like, well... She's kinda like a girl.

You know, she's kinda... What's going on?

Like you said. Ginger's a girl.

I'll get mrs. Howell.

Oh, welcome to the island.

They are cute.

And will you look at that hair?

Bingo?

How would you like to run your fingers through that?

Fingers? I can go in up to my elbows.

Please!

Back, back. Bingo.

Just don't handle the merchandise, huh?

One of them's tall, and one of them's short.

One of them's blond, and one of them's dark.

Yeah, smorgasbord.

Down, girls, down.

Peace and quiet. That's all we want is peace and quiet.

We came here to get away from girls.

Oh, there you are. Thurston said you needed haircuts.

Split, man. It's the barber of seville!

Skipper. Skipper, have I got some good news for you.

It certainly is a good day for it, gilligan.

The mosquitoes is gonna give us just what we've been waiting for.

You bet, a nice trip home.

No. Guess again.

Guess again?

They're gonna give us a concert.

A concert?

But who wants a concert now?

We wanna go home.

Shall I go tell 'em?

Uh, no. Wait a minute, gilligan.

Maybe you better not tell 'em.

We don't want to get them upset.

We'll listen to their concert, and then we'll go home.

I bet we're the luckiest people alive.

We certainly are. We're finally being rescued!

No. I mean about the mosquitoes giving us a concert.

Oh, well, certainly, yes.

Let me help you. Aah!

Oh, I just adore concerts.

[Music playing]

I do wish the mosquitoes would stop tuning up and start the music.

They have stopped tuning up. That is the music.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, thurston.

Then we'd better hurry.

They probably won't seat us in the middle of the first act.

Come on, darling.

I wish we could be that lucky,

That we wouldn't be seated at all.

♪ Don't bug me ♪

♪ Please just let me be ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Don't bug me ♪

♪ Let my heart be free ♪

♪ Don't bug me ♪

♪ Please just let me be ♪

♪ Girl ♪

Aah! Yay!

, , .

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ Pay no mind to what he says ♪

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ He's got rocks in both his ears ♪

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ He can't win, place, or show ♪

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ And you know how much I hate to say I told you so ♪

♪ But I told you so ♪

Aah!

♪ But I told you so ♪

♪ Trouble follows in his tracks ♪

♪ That man, he's bad news ♪

♪ Let him go, don't call him back ♪

♪ He has a bad case of the blues ♪

♪ Blues ♪

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ Call him anything you choose ♪

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ If he breaks himself, he'll lose ♪

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ Always stops when he says go ♪

♪ He's a loser ♪

♪ And you know how much I hate to say I told you so ♪

♪ But I told you so ♪

♪ But I told you so ♪

♪ But I told you so ♪

Aah!

Well, that's it for tonight.

Want to tell ya, you've been a good group.

And, uh, we're sure our next month here on the island

Is gonna be just too much.

Thanks. Good night.

Did he say another month?

Don't they realize we'll miss the opera season?

I'm all packed.

What are you smiling at, mr. Howell?

What's wrong, thurston darling?

He's been looking that way

Throughout the concert, mrs. Howell.

Maybe there's more to this tuneless discord

Than I can comprehend.

Maybe he developed an ear for rock 'n' roll?

Oh, he's got his earplugs in.

Thurston, take them out.

Take them out!

The concert's over, dear.

Oh! Oh, the concert's... Wonderful! Marvelous!

Just absolutely thrilling. Thrilling. Encore.

Here's something you'll get a thrill out of, mr. Howell.

We're gonna be here for another month!

Yeah.

And they'll probably give concert

After concert after concert.

Oh, good heavens, my earplugs.

[Music playing]

♪ Trouble follows in his... ♪

Skipper, are you sleeping?

No, gilligan.

I'm still listening to the music.

Yeah, so am i. Isn't it wild?

Wild?

I think it's really great

They're gonna be here a whole month.

Do you realize how much that would cost to see them that often?

Gilligan, I hope I never get that rich.

We'll have to be very, very quiet

If we want them to stay here on the island.

Certainly, little buddy. I'll walk around on tippy toes.

That's why they came to the island, to find peace and quiet.

And if they don't get it, they may as well go back to the states.

Never mind, gilligan.

That's it.

That's it!

Gilligan, you've done it again, little buddy!

Oh, that's great.

I did it again!

What did I do?

The mosquitoes!

The mosquitoes?

Aah! Aah!

What was that?

I don't know. What's happening?

Ohh! Ohh!

Ohh!

It's so groovy!

I have to have a souvenir!

I want it!

Hey! My guitar!

Ohh! Ohh!

What have you done to my guitar?

Oh, I want a picture!

I want that.

Help!

Aah! Aah!

That's enough for now, girls.

You've had your fun. Doc, give us a hand.

Oh, later. Oh, mr. Bongo,

I'd like to conduct an experiment.

Now these electrodes will test your brainwaves when you play.

Oh, no! You're not gonna make any frankenstein out of me!

It won't hurt. It will just take a moment.

Here's the one I like.

The strong, silent type.

Yikes!

Come on, irving, you're my guy!

Oh, come on.

Oh, boy, a party.

Will you hold these coconuts for me, please?

Do what?

Aah!

[Overlapping chatter]

Aah!

This is ridiculous!

[Overlapping chatter]

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

As your new manager, I have something to say.

Oh, no, not you, too?

I have plans for you really, really, really, really big.

Concerts, one-night stands, movies, television...

That does it!

I mean it. That really does it.

We're leaving tomorrow!

Come on, fellas, let's get out of here.

Did you hear what they said?

We're leaving tomorrow!

Aah! We're leaving tomorrow!

♪ We're leaving tomorrow, we're leaving tomorrow ♪

♪ We're leaving tomorrow, we're leaving tomorrow ♪

♪ We're leaving tomorrow, we're leaving tomorrow ♪

♪ We're leaving tomorrow, we're leaving tomorrow ♪

Hurry up, gilligan.

Hey, bingo and bango! We're ready to leave!

Hey, bongo?

Irving?

Irving doesn't...

Well, at least he could pluck.

Is anybody home?

Oh, no!

Gilligan, they've gone. They've gone without us!

But they couldn't. They just couldn't.

Mr. Howell, they have.

Couldn't what, darling?

The mosquitoes couldn't leave the island without us.

Well, of course they couldn't.

They already have.

They did? Ohh! Well, in that case,

There's only one thing left to do.

Get ready, thurston.

Yes, dear.

Hey! Hey! Have you seen the autograph that bango gave me?

See the "x," see?

Yes, we've seen it, gilligan.

I must admit that I underestimated the reaction that would set in.

Oh, professor, we should have kept an eye on them.

You just don't understand them, skipper.

They're a high-strung nervous type.

They being sensitive musicians...

Never mind that, gilligan.

[Pleasant music plays]

Gilligan, will you turn that radio off?

What radio?

It's not around here, skipper.

Well, how come I hear music?

They didn't go.

W-we've still got a chance of being rescued!

I'll go check! No, gilligan!

Hey! Oh! Oh!

Boy, are we glad to see you, fellas!

We thought you left the island without us.

Give the word, bingo. The word!

Now, look, fellas.

We're the friendly type, you know.

And we'd like to remain the friendly type.

But we need rest!

We can't help it if we're your fans.


Fans?!

The word, bingo, the word.

The word.

All right, men, now hear this.

We're not splitting from this island for months.

Months?!

That's right. .

Maybe longer.

That crazy scene last night

Wound us up tighter than presley's pants.

But, uh, fellas, you are gonna take us with you, aren't ya?

Yeah. When we give the word,

Then we'll all move out.

That sounds fair.

Aaaah!

Don't go away!

Don't go away from me!

Waaa!

Irving!

I always cut thurston's hair with these nail scissors.

And please take delilah with you!

[The mosquitoes rehearsing]

You got any queens?

[Mumbling]

Fish!

I can't stand it any longer, gilligan.

That music is driving me crazy!

Yes. It's too much, isn't it?

It's called I want to go back

To pago pago pago, yeah, yeah, yeah, with you.

Months.

In months, gilligan, I'm going from a deserted island

To an isolation ward!

Padded cell. They're gonna have to...

Did we wake you up, mr. Howell?

No. I was only half asleep.

I lost one of my earplugs.

Did any of you happen to find it?

No! We haven't seen it, mr. Howell.

Maybe one of the mosquitoes found it.

I'm afraid to ask them. They're so touchy.

That's it.

What's the matter, skipper?

Oh, gilligan, supposing we do stay

On our side of the island

And mind our own business for months,

How do we know they're not gonna change their minds?

They disappeared once before.

They'd probably go off without us again.

Good grief, you're right.

The mosquitoes might buzz off without us.

They wouldn't do that.

Oh, gilligan, for goodness sakes,

We're not dealing with regular people.

We're dealing with musicians.

They have a world of their own.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Show people just like show people.

By george, gilligan!

You have done it again!

Oh, boy, I did it again!

I sure wish I knew what I keep doing.

Do you think it'll work?

I'm sure it will.

All headliners want an opening act

That'll make 'em look good.

Skipper: that's right, ginger.

I mean we'll get up an act,

We'll rehearse with them and everything,

And then we'll make them look so good

That they're bound to take us with them.

What act? Who? How?

Well, you three. You're going to sing together.

Wait, wait. What about the professor?

Well, him, too!

You mean we'll have our own singing group?

Uh-huh.

This is almost too much.

I'm in show biz!

I'll be forever excluded from the harvard club.

Oh, the pants look great, gilligan. How do they feel?

Like alligator skin, on an alligator.

Oh. Well, they have to be tight.

All the musicians wear them like that

So they can do the watusi while they're playing.

The watusi? I can hardly walk around in them.

Oh, great. Come on.

It's really great. Come on.

All right, I'll try it, but i...

No. I'd better not.

Oh, gilligan, I got your wig all ready.

What do you know? Instant hair.

Put it on, darling.

How do I look?

Oh, it looks just perfect!

Except for one thing.

You need a haircut.

Oh! No, mrs. Howell, no.

But he does need a haircut. His bangs are too long.

Be careful. Excuse me, mrs. Howell.

Here are the drums.

Now I have to work on the guitars.

Here are the sticks.

Whoo!

Oh, boy!

Now, see if you can play the drum

And watusi at the same time.

Come on.

Great!

Whoops!

[Rip] [gasps]

, , , , , .

[Singing off-key, lyrics unintelligible]

Yay!

Skipper, all we need is a little more practice.

Oh, gilligan, the mosquitoes thought we were awful!

Oh, boy. A little bit of criticism and you fall apart.

You can't start from the top you know.

Gilligan, I'll start from the top of your head

And put you in the ground like a thumbtack!

Remember, the show must go on.

Gilligan, will you please be quiet?

I'm trying to think of another plan.

Won't you try it just once more?

You just don't seem to understand, do ya?

No! No! No!

You got it, skipper, but it goes, ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪ Yeah...

Hey, ginger. Huh?

You're in show biz.

Tell me honestly, how were we?

Gilligan, that act couldn't get booked on devil's island.

Oh. Well, maybe if we picked a new song.

I don't know how to put this, gilligan,

But, um... You were terrible.

Boy, for somebody who doesn't know how to put it...

I'm sorry, but... I mean, you...

My grandmother always used to say,

"Never criticize anybody else unless you can do better yourself."

That's it! That's it! You've done it again! Oh!

I don't know what I'm doing,

But I sure as heck keep doing it.

Now, a trio with a really, really big future,

The girls with a new sound,

And here they are... The honeybees.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

♪ You need us ♪

♪ You need us ♪

♪ Like a clam needs a shell ♪

♪ Like a prisoner needs a cell ♪

♪ Like a ding-dong ♪

♪ Needs a bell ♪

♪ You need us ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ Like a picture needs a star ♪

♪ Like a golfer needs a par ♪

♪ Like teenagers, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Need a car ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ Like a baby needs a toy ♪

♪ Like hawaiians need their poi ♪

♪ Like a girl needs ♪

♪ Needs a boy ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ Like a diamond needs a ring ♪

♪ Like a harp needs a string ♪

♪ Like a queen ♪

♪ Needs a king ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ You need us ♪

♪ You need us ♪

♪ Like a bee needs its buzz ♪

♪ Like a peach needs its fuzz ♪

♪ So that's why ♪

♪ You need ♪

♪ You need us ♪

♪ Bzzzz ♪

Yay! Bravo! Yay!

[Humming]

Wow. Thanks for the autograph, girls.

I tried to get mrs. Howell's,

But mr. Howell was charging a dollar apiece for 'em.

Gilligan, will you finish packing?

I can hardly wait till we get back to our car.

We're double-parked, you know.

Oh, yes, and we left the engine running.

Come on, let's go find the mosquitoes.

Ok.

Hold it. Hold it. You can all just start to unpack.

Unpack? What do you mean unpack?

Yes. The mosquitoes left us a message.

A message? They can write?

Apparently. "Hi, g*ng.

"Me and the boys... Me and the boys

"Decided to take off this morning

"When the helicopter came by with provisions.

As for the honeybees..."

As for the honeybees?

"As for the honeybees, you're good, gals,

"But just a little too good, and we've got enough competition.

"But so there wouldn't be any hard feelings,

We left a gift for you."

A gift? Oh, I love presents.

Never mind that, gilligan. We...

Well, what is it? Open it up!

I'm trying to, skipper.

An album?!

Yeah. The mosquitoes at carnegie hall.

Is that all?

Well, now what do you think of your mosquitoes?

You're absolutely right.

It was a terrible thing to do...

Leaving us with an album.

They didn't even autograph it.

Gilligan!

Ohh!

[Singing incoherently]

If the world is lucky, we'll never get rescued.

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone ♪ ♪ no lights ♪

♪ No motor cars ♪

♪ Not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle! ♪
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