02x13 - Gilligan Gets Bugged

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Oh, gilligan!

Over here, skipper.

A million things to do around the hut.

Gilligan, what are you doing?

I'm building a bathtub.

You're building a bathtub?

It's not finished yet.

Oh. Well, thanks a lot for telling me.

After I'm finished,

I got to get some sticky stuff

To spread around so it won't leak.

You'll pardon my saying so, gilligan,

But isn't this a little big for a bathtub?

Not for me. I like a lot of boats in my tub.

Boats?

Yeah, you see, I play w*r games with the boats.

I put the red navy on this side

And the yellow navy on that side,

Then I send out a destroyer,

Then I send out a battle ship...

No, no. Wait a minute, gilligan.

Never, never send ships out without air cover.

First you send out an aircraft carrier, then you get all...

How do I get myself caught up in these things?

You know, I never play with a submarine in the bathtub.

You gotta watch out where you sit.

[Buzzing] I know one time

I had a submarine in the bathtub and...

Gilligan!

Don't move! Don't move a muscle!

Freeze!

[Thwack]

Oh, are you all right, little buddy?

I was until you belted me! What's the big idea?

Just because I sent those ships out without air cover?

No, gilligan, there was a bug on your neck!

A bug?

Yes, a green bug with big yellow wings.

They sure bite hard.

Oh, gilligan. Do you think he bit you?

Well, I'm not sure. I can't tell whether it hurts

Because I got bit or I got hit.

Here, let me see! Ow! Ow!

Gilligan, think! Did he bite ya?

I don't know, skipper.

And you're certain that the bug

Was the deadly mantiscani?

Oh, I'm positive, professor.

It was a green bug with big yellow wings.

But you're not certain whether it bit gilligan.

Well, no. You see, I tried to k*ll it, and I hit gilligan.

So I don't know whether he was hit or bit

Or hit and bit at the same time.

According to this book, the bite of the mantiscani

Is generally fatal within hours.

Oh, no, you mean...

My little buddy only has hours to...

One more day... Tomorrow night he'll be...

If he was bitten by the mantiscani.

Oh, professor, we've got to do something.

There's just gotta be something we can do!

About all we can do is to watch him for symptoms.

Symptoms?

Yes. The classic symptoms are aches and pains in the joints,

Aches and pains...

Complete loss of appetite...

Complete loss of appetite...

And a severe case of itching.

And a severe case of itching.

Well, at least I know what to look for now.

Pains in his appetite, loss of the joints,

And... And an ache in his itching!

Oh, professor, I'm so upset,

I don't know what I'm saying!

Skipper, you've got to get control of yourself.

Try to remember:

Aches and pains in the joints,

Loss of appetite, and itching.

I've got it now, professor.

I'm going down and see how he feels right now!

Wish I had some kneepads.

Ooh!

Ahh!

[Whack] ow!

Gilligan: ow!

My little buddy!

Ow!

Gilligan, little buddy, are you all right?

Oh, it's my hand. The pain's awful.

But why are you stooped over like that?

My knees ache!

Professor, voice-over: the classic symptoms

Are aches and pains in the joints.

Here, little buddy. Let me help you.

Huh? Does that feel better?

Yeah, a little.

Gilligan, how long have you had

These aches and pains in your joints?

Just a little while.

Gosh, maybe you'd better lie down. Why?

You look kind of tired.

I'm not tired. I just wanna finish the bathtub.

Oh, forget the bathtub.

You can finish that tomorrow or the next day.

No, skipper, I'm gonna finish it today

If it's the last thing I do.

Oh, don't say that, little buddy.

I want it ready for saturday night.

Well, all right. You keep working.

I've got something to tell the professor.

About the bathtub?

Yes, about the bathtub.

Well, tell him it'll have hot and cold running water...

Except for hot.

I'll run along now.

Skipper, what's the hurry?

If there's one thing we have here on the island

More than anything else, it's time.

That's the spirit, little buddy. Keep fighting!

Keep fighting?

Professor, he's in terrible shape, just terrible!

His hand is out like this,

And he... He walks all bent over like this!

Oh, dear. I'm afraid that definitely establishes

Symptom number one... Aches and pains in the joints.

Oh, gilligan's got it, hasn't he?

My little buddy's a goner! He's a goner!

Oh, let's not lose hope, skipper.

After all, we haven't established his loss of appetite yet.

That's right. I'll go find out about that right now!

I wouldn't advise that. Why not?

Because if you keep running down there all the time,

It would look suspicious.

Oh, you're so right, professor.

Besides, I'd probably go to pieces anyway.

Perhaps this is a job the girls can handle.

That's a good idea. I'll tell them exactly what happened!

All right, now be diplomatic, skipper.

Break it to them with tact.

You can count on me, professor.

[Both crying]

Mary ann, ginger?

Ginger, mary ann?

Oh, come on, girls. It's not hopeless.

We don't know that he's got all the symptoms yet.

Oh, skipper,

The last time I saw him, he was so pale

And so thin and so ill!

[Sobbing]

But gilligan always looks like that.

What kind of pie is this, mary ann?

Coconut cream.

Boy, that's gilligan's favorite.

I mean, we'll sure find out

If he's lost his appetite with that.

Well, here. You let us know. Yeah!

Well, no, now, the professor and I talked it over,

And we thought it would be better

If... If one of you took it to him.

Oh, not me! Why not?

I'll start crying!

Oh, mary ann, don't cry.

I mean, think of something happy.

Like what?

Like the day we'll get rescued!

[Sniffling]

All right.

Gee... That would make me happy...

Being rescued.

Imagine... Everybody being rescued!

[Crying] oh! Except for gilligan!

Oh, yes! [Both sobbing]

Well, ginger, you're an actress.

You take the pie to him.

I couldn't.

Well, I've got an idea.

Why don't you both take it to him?

It would look so natural.

I mean... Two girls taking a stroll.

Carrying a pie.

Oh, who would believe that?

Gilligan.

Anybody else, no.

Gilligan... Yes.

Ok.

We'll let you know how much he eats.

Oh, fine, girls...

And make it light, and laugh,

And make sure that you're having a good time, right?

Oh, those girls are wonderful.

Now we'll find out whether he's lost his appetite or not.

[Thump]

Mmm. The skipper says this bathtub is too big.

Looks kinda skimpy to me.

Fill it up to about here and have lots of water.

Yeah! I wonder if I could float in it?

Oh, yeah, it's really gonna be comfortable. Mmm.

[Gasps]

[Screaming sobs]

Gilligan: what's wrong?! What's wrong?!

Oh, you scared us.

I scared you?

Boy, you sneak up behind a guy and you scream,

That's what I call scaring a person!

Oh, what's that?

What does it look like?

We know what it looks like.

Well, that's what it is. A bathtub.

Bathtub?

Yeah. I gotta find some sticky stuff to line it so it won't leak.

We brought you something.

Oh, sticky stuff?

No. A pie.

A pie? Boy, girls don't know anything.

You can't line a bathtub with a pie.

On your first bath, you'd be covered with crumbs!

Gilligan, it's for you to eat.

Well, thank you. I'm not hungry.

Oh, you've got to be!

I couldn't eat a bite, really.

It's coconut cream!

Oh, that's my favorite!

Eat some. Here.

I'm not hungry.

Oh, you just think you're not hungry. Now, here!

I'll tell you what, I'll eat it later.

How much later?

I don't know. What difference does that make?

The most!

Look, girls, I gotta finish this bathtub.

Gilligan, don't do that!

I'm just gonna measure it for size, that's all.

Oh, not in front of us! Oh!

But mary ann, you mean he wouldn't eat any of it?

No. Not a bite.

Ginger, what was wrong?

No appetite.

No appetite.

Well, there's only one symptom left.

If he's got that... It's gonna be curtains.

Look, we'll just stroll by very casually, you see,

And ask him if he itches.

Oh, darling. That's such bad manners.

One can't go up to a perfect stranger

And ask him if he itches.

Well, he's not a stranger,

And we know that he's far from perfect, my dear.

Yes, well, anyway, I think the whole thing's ridiculous.

Darling, I had hoped to protect you, but I must tell you the truth.

Our little friend gilligan has only hours left.

Left for what?

Then he goes to that great deserted island in the sky.

Only hours.

Oh...

But doesn't he pick up an hour west of the rockies?

Darling, you don't understand.

He was bitten by a bug!

But, darling, that's silly.

We've all been bitten.

This crazy island's filled with bugs.

This is the dreaded mondoconi.

Or is it the conomondi?

A deadly bug with a green body and yellow wings!

Oh, what a terrible color scheme.

No wonder it's deadly.

Yes, of course, love. Come along.

We'll ask him if he itches.

He's scratching!

Oh, dear. If one scratches, one itches.

[Whispering] shh. Mustn't let on, you know.

[Loudly] uh, gilligan, my boy!

Gilligan!

Hi, mr. Howell, mrs. Howell.

Ah, gilligan, my boy, how's the, uh... Bathtub coming?

It'll be done by tonight.

Oh, gilligan, I think it's such

A thoughtful thing for you to do on your last day.

On my what?

[Laughs] she means on your, uh, fast day,

What with no appetite and not eating and aching all over.

We'll think of you every time we use it.

Thank you, mrs. Howell.

And we'll think of you every time we itch.

Mrs. Howell, you feel all right?

Oh, she feels fine.

The main thing is, how do you feel, my boy?

To tell you the truth, I'm a little tired.

Tired? Thurston, that's ridiculous.

That isn't even one of the symptoms.

Uh, come along, lovey!

Yes, but, darling, you said that...

Never mind what I said!

My little buddy's got all symptoms.

He's had it. That's all. He's just had it!

The only thing we can do is... Wait.

But there must be something we can do for the poor boy.

But what can we do?

We can take him some chicken soup.

Oh, mrs. Howell, he was bitten by a deadly bug.

Chicken soup won't help.

Well, it won't hurt.

No, the only thing we can do

Is never let him know how badly off he really is.

Maybe we should give him a party.

That'd keep him gay and happy!

A party!

A splendid idea!

Yeah! We could give him

Some presents and things!

Oh, I've got so much to do, so many plans to make!

I just love a going-away party!

Oh, dear.

That isn't what I meant at all.

We understand.

Well, I know it's not my birthday,

Because that's next month,

And it couldn't be my anniversary, because I'm not married.

Gilligan, we're giving you this party

Because we like you.

Isn't that reason enough?

I guess so if you say so.

We say so.

I baked you your favorite cake.

We each put a candle on it.

There's only , and there's of us.

Gilligan, you're the seventh.

Oh. I still don't understand

Why you're giving me a party.

I mean, look at all the dumb things that I do.

Accidents, little buddy. Just accidents.

Well, you sure are very nice people to give me a party

Just to show you don't mind if I goof.

I really am a lucky guy.

You sure are lucky.

Gilligan, why don't you light the candles?

Yeah. And then I'll open the presents.

Let's all stand and sing

For he's a jolly good fellow.

[Spiritlessly] ♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good ♪

♪ Fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny... ♪

Oh, please, mr. Howell.

You're the executive type.

You tell gilligan. I don't think I can tell him.

Well, I know, but he's your little buddy, as you call him.

I can't communicate with him.

Well, I know, but you tell people...

Gentlemen, I have some news.

Good news?

Well, there's some good news

And some bad news.

What's the good news? We could sure use some!

There does seem to be an antidote

For the bite of the mantiscani.

Hey, that's great, professor!

The bad news?

We don't have any of the ingredients here on the island.

However, I have some more news,

Some good and some bad.

What's the good news?

It's possible to use substitutes.

And the bad news?

I'm not sure we can find all the substitutes.

These are the things we'll need:

Calcium carbonate, cellulose sulfide, and ferric nitrate.

What, do you buy those syllables wholesale?

Well, I know it sounds complicated, mr. Howell,

But all of these substitutes can be found

In relatively common sources...

Clam shells, papaya root, mustard plants.

Oh, well, fine, professor! We'll get on it right away!

Wait just a minute. There's more news.

Good news and bad news.

What's the good news?

In hours, I can make enough antidote

To save gilligan.

My turn. Uh... The bad news?

It won't do the rest of us any good.

Well, what difference does that make, professor?

We weren't bitten!

The mantiscani bug travels in swarms of millions.

Chances are, by sundown, we'll all be bitten.

Oh, they wouldn't dare bite a howell!

Would they?

Lovey, just don't sit there.

Stuff some paper under the door!

Darling, we haven't got any paper.

Well, use money, and after the danger has passed,

We can unfold it.

Shouldn't we be trying to get whatever it is gilligan needs to be cured?

Well, the first law of human nature is self-preservation,

And I intend to be very, very law-abiding.

Oh, darling, you can't be serious.

We must do something to help the poor boy.

You're absolutely right. I forgot for a moment that I'm a howell.

And a howell is never chicken...

Pheasant, perhaps, but never, never chicken.

Well, then let's go help the professor get the ingredients.

Hi, professor. Can I help?

Oh, thanks, gilligan, but I think I can manage.

Well, how come everybody else is helping?

Well, they showed a certain interest

In the outcome of this experiment.

Wouldn't I be interested in it?

Yes, as a matter of fact. It should interest you greatly.

Well, what are you trying to make?

A serum.

Syrup? Oh, I love syrup!

I love it on toast and pancakes and ice cream...

Gilligan, I said serum, not syrup.

Is that good on pancakes?

Gilligan, this is a very important experiment,

And I am very, very busy.

Well, then you need help.

Here, I'll wash this bowl for you. Ow!

Gilligan... Gilligan, please don't help me!

Don't worry. Gilligan...

Gilligan, all right, all right.

I guess I'd better tell you the truth

Before you destroy my whole laboratory.

Now, I am making this syrup... I-i mean serum...

For someone on the island

Who is very ill and doesn't even realize it.

That sounds terrible. Is it somebody I know?

Yes, it is. But we must keep it a secret.

Give me a hint. You can trust me.

Gilligan, I can't trust anyone, because if this person ever found out,

He or she would be very upset!

He or she? Don't you know who it is either?

Of course I know who it is,

And I want to cure this person.

And I want to help.

I like every he and every she here on the island.

Gilligan, please, you go help the skipper with the clam shells.

Ok, professor. I'll go help the skipper with the clam shells.

Hey, professor.

I'll work hard,

Just like I was making the serum for myself.

[Clank clank]

Hi, skipper.

You getting ready for halloween?

Very funny.

Well, how come you got the thing on your face

And your arms are covered

And you got those fur mittens on?

Never mind, gilligan.

Now, we've got to get busy and grind all these clam shells.

I sure do wish it was halloween. Why?

'Cause we could have all kinds of fun, skipper.

We could go trick or treating

And scare the girls and bob for apples.

You know my friend skinny mulligan?

He was the best apple bobbler ever!

He held the record for keeping his head under water...

Hours and minutes!

Gilligan, that's ridiculous!

How could skinny keep his head under water

For hours and minutes?

He cheated.

He cheated?

Never mind. Just start sifting that powder.

The professor wants his calcium carbonate right away.

Calciate carbo who?

He's performing a very important experiment.

What kind of an experiment?

Something very scientific, gilligan.

Something that you wouldn't understand!

Oh.

In fact, it's one of the most important experiments

He's ever done on the island!

[Buzzing]

Ooh!

Those green bugs sure do bite hard.

Oh, don't say that! Green bugs?

Ok, I won't say it, but they do bite hard.

That green bug...

Did it have big yellow wings?

Uh-huh. How did you know?

Considering where it bit you.

Little buddy, your big buddy has had it!

Me, too.

If the professor wants this junk,

Let him make it himself.

But gilligan, you don't understand.

I've been bitten by the mantiscani!

I'm a goner! I only have hours to live!

Oh, skipper, that's the worst news I ever heard!

Oh, but little buddy, you were bitten first yesterday.

You only have hours to live!

Then that's the worst news I ever heard!

There's nothing we can do about it!

Oh, yes, there is. What?

Help!

Help!

Do you know what we're looking for?

Well, of course! We're supposed to find a basket full of, uh...

Ferric nitrate.

Ferric nitrate.

Sounds like a good name for a cowboy star.

According to the professor, it's supposed to be found in a papaya root.

There's some over there!

[Buzzing]

Ouch!

Oh!

Mary ann, was it... Uh-huh.

Did it have a green... And big yellow...

Oh, a lot of good these clothes did.

Tch, oh, pooh!

It had a stinger this big!

[Buzzing]

[Whispering] ginger... Where is it?

It's right on your... Aah!

Oh! Oh!

Both: professor!

Professor!

I hope those dreadful bugs

Don't recognize us under these disguises.

Still no sign of the elusive mustard plant.

Let's rest here for a little while.

Yes, darling, but only for a moment.

We must press onward to save poor gilligan.

[Buzzing]

I hear something buzzing.

Well, stay close to me, dear! I'll protect you.

Not one drop of precious howell blood shall he draw

As long as i... Ouch!!

I've been lanced! The devil saw through my disguise!

Darling, does it hurt?

Ooh, it hurts! It hurts!

Does it?

Well, it smarts a little.

Oh, it hurts! It's excruciating!

I must have been bitten

By one of the younger set.

Mine hardly hurts at all.

You mean one of the little devils got through to you, too?

Pierced me right under my left shoulder blade.

Ah, there must be joy in bugville.

Howells in one day!

Hey, pro... Fessor?

You gotta help the skipper!

Yes. I'm beginning to see spots before my eyes!

Well, no wonder, skipper.

You're looking through mrs. Howell's veil.

No, seriously, professor.

I mean, you've got to make this medicine.

You've got to finish it. We've both been bitten!

I'm sorry, skipper, but there is nothing I can do

Without all the ingredients.

Out of my way! We have reservations!

We have been bitten!

Where?

Well, east of the sun, west of the moon!

What difference does it make?

We've gotta have some serum!

He doesn't have any serum for us either.

My boy, money talks!

Mr. Howell, we're off the gold standard!

You mean...

Mr. Howell, I'm sorry. I would like to help.

But there isn't any serum.

I simply don't have all the ingredients.

Professor, mary ann and i, we've both been bitten!

Well, I'm sorry, girls, but there isn't any serum.

I'm kinda small. I don't need much.

Mary ann, there isn't any.

Oh, isn't this amazing?

I mean, here, we've survived a shipwreck, hurricanes, headhunters,

And now we're being done in by a little tiny bug!

Professor, I must confess... I don't know what to say!

I know exactly what to say.

You do?

Dearly beloved... We are gathered here...

[Continues funeral speech]

Hey, skipper, what time is it?

It's after : .

Thanks.

It's, uh, after : .

Oh, good!

Well, that's extra minutes.

Well, how are you all feeling?

Fine. Don't you hear us laughing and singing?

Well, you have good cause for it.

Professor... On your arm!

[Gasp] oh!

Careful, gilligan! You'll scare him away.

What, are you trying to get him to bite you?

Yes.

Well, I've heard of joiners,

But this is ridiculous!

Mr. Howell, I'm merely taking

The scientific approach to the problem.

Now watch. Skipper,

Is this the same bug that bit you?

Why, it certainly is.

It's the same bug that bit me and gilligan!

And how about the rest of...

Aah! Ya ya ya ya!

Rest of you? Yes.

All right, then. Watch.

All right, bug. Go to it.

[Blows]

He bit you!

Yes, gilligan.

I've been bitten a number of times.

I put sugar on my arm to attract them.

Oh! An egg-headed nut to the very end!

As I said before, mr. Howell, I'm merely taking

The scientific approach to the problem.

Let me explain.

Now, the mantis family has some different species.

Each species has its own genus and subgenus.

They all look alike, but the lethal variance is enormous!

Oh, that's a marvelous explanation!

Whatever it means.

What is it you're trying to tell us?

What I am trying to tell you, skipper,

Is that this particular branch of the mantis family

Is not poisonous... Not in the least!

You mean I'm not gonna die?

You mean, nobody's gonna die?

Exactly. And I want to tell you

That chapter in the book on the mantis family

Is absolutely fascinating!

I've got to read some more.

We're not gonna die!

Did you hear what he said... We're all right!

[Cheering and laughing]

[expl*si*n noises]

Hey, this bathtub really holds water, doesn't it?

It sure does, skipper.

What a battle I've got. I've got battleships and destroyers

And cruisers and... Oops.

Forgot the submarine.

Hey, that's gonna be real handy around here on saturday nights.

[Buzzing]

[Buzzing stops]

Shh! Gilligan... He's right on your neck!

[Whispering] is it the same one that bit me yesterday?

Yes!

[Buzzing]

[Plop]

[Splash]

Is it...

Yes, gilligan.

Exactly hours after he bit you.

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone ♪ ♪ no light ♪

♪ No motor cars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪