02x15 - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Oh, yes. I must have you promoted.

Are you sure you don't want me to go along with you?

Thank you, johnny. I know exactly what I'm looking for.

Well, I'd feel a lot better if I was along.

Oh, no, johnny. I can take care of myself.

You just pick me up at bells,

Or whatever you sailors call cocktail hour.

Ok?

Yes, ma'am.

Ow!

Pardon me, I couldn't...

This is what I like on a deserted island.

Coconuts, palm trees... And instant men.

And that's how we got marooned on the island.

What a perfectly terrible story.

Oh, but it ends happily.

Because you see, the of us

Have managed to survive.

All men?

Well, no. There are women.

Oh, I thought you said it ended happily.

But now with you and your yacht here,

We're gonna be rescued!

I just can't get over it!

Hi, skipper.

Hi, gilligan.

Hi, lady.

Hi, lady?

Hi, lady!

Are you sure he survived?

Gilligan, will you stop that?

How did she get here?

Well, her yacht is anchored

Miles off shore.

Oh. Gilligan, will you stop

Shaking her hand.

His mother must have been frightened

By a cocktail shaker.

Did you come here to rescue us?

Actually, I'm here to look for a deserted island

To build a resort hotel.

Gilligan, this is the world-famous,

The world famous... Erika tiffany-smith!

Wow! Names!

Much more. My is lady erika tiffany,

The countess of capri, the baroness of blenford,

And the duchess of devonshire and smith.

Your parents must have wanted a big family.

Oh, please. Let's not waste time talking.

We've got to tell the others

About mrs. Tiffany-smith and her yacht.

Oh, they'll be so happy.

Yeah, let's go, skipper!

Oh, mr. Gilligan, you just run along.

The captain and I will follow closely.

Delighted!

Sure.

Yeah, you're for real.

Thank you, gilligan.

I can see you're for real, too!

Yeah!

My fair lady... Thank you.

And she's got diamonds and pearls,

And she's got her own yacht,

And she's coming here with the skipper,

And she's going to buy the island.

Doesn't seem to have a fever,

And his little nose is cold.

You haven't seen another low-flying seagull, have you?

Or a pink whale?

No, it's a real lady, mrs. Howell,

And her name is erika tiffany-smith.

Erika tiffany-smith... Did you hear that, lovey?

Erika tiffany-smith!

Thurston, we just can't be rescued by her.

I resented that smith woman ever since her name

Appeared before ours in the social register.

But she was engaged to the head of the committee.

Don't you remember?

Well, I think it's disgraceful

To use pull on the head of the committee.

I've a good mind to cut him out of our will.

I'll go tell the girls.

No, wait. Ginger's taking a sunbath in the palm grove.

You tell her, and I'll tell mary ann.

Right.

Thurston, I've decided to be friendly but firm,

Cordial but cool, passive but polite.

But remember, she's terribly rich.

Oh, yes. I know that, dear. But it's such new money.

Why, the ink is scarcely dry.

You know her fam... Darling!

Lovey, darling!

You're looking wonderful.

Life has certainly been kind to you...

Over the years.

Uh, thank you, erika dear.

I always say lovely things about you, too.

No matter what anybody else says.

How sweet.

Oh, if it isn't thurston howell iii, the wolf of wall st.

I thought I'd been forgotten.

Skipper, they're very good friends.

Yes, certainly.

May I get you a fan?

Thank you, captain.

Oh, to think of the thousands

Of friends that we have,

And that you're the one to come to our rescue.

I assure you, darling, it's purely accidental.

Here's your fan.

Thank you, admiral.

May I get you some cold well water?

Yes, thank you.

Gilligan says that you're thinking of

Buying our little island paradise.

Well, only if I love it.

Oh, thurston. I do believe I'm going to have

One of my fainting spells.

Darling, perhaps you'd better lie down.

If you'll excuse me... I always have.

Now, we're going to expend every effort

To make you remember your little stay on our island.

And your every wish is our desire...

Thurston, why don't you try the direct approach?

Uh, what exactly do you mean?

Well, I would like to know with whom do I deal

To buy this sand pile.

Well, it just so happens that I handle

All the financial transaction on this little island.

Good. Then like one pirate to the other,

I would like to build a resort hotel here

If the price is right.

Well, that's a minor detail. But you've picked the right island.

Easily accessible to the mainland,

Right in the middle of the shipping lanes,

And we have to put up camouflage nets

To keep the jets from landing.

Come on, darling. You know that this island is so remote

It never even appeared on twilight zone.

Oh, you noticed, didn't you?

See, I want to build a hotel

For the people who are so rich,

That they don't even have names,

Only numbers in the swiss bank.

My dear, a spa for the filthy rich!

Let's just call them rich.

Their personal habits don't interest me.

Well, what is that?

These are inmates on the island.

This is mary ann saunders... Summers.

Summers. And this is professor huntley.

Uh, hinkley.

What beautiful deep-set eyes.

Oh, it's so wonderful

To meet you, mrs. Tiffany-smith.

That firm chin...

I've read all about you.

Those broad shoulders...

Mrs. Tiffany-smith, you don't know what a pleasure this is.

I certainly intend to find out.

Mr. Howell, I don't even think she saw me.

Well, of course not. She has something in her eye...

A man.

Ginger!

Ginger!

Gin...

What's wrong, gilligan?

Oh! The professor said you were taking a sunbath.

So? You can open your eyes.

Oh, no!

Oh, come on. No, siree!

Open one. No!

Come on! No!

Hey, ginger! We're going to be rescued!

Do you have a fever?

No. I didn't see a pink whale or a seagull.

It's erika tiffany-smith.

Erika tiffany-smith?

Yeah. She owns a bunch of hotels, and she's got a yacht...

Ohh!

And she... And she...

Guess she knows her, too.

Skipper, haven't you heard the good news?

I heard.

We're being rescued by mrs. Erika tiffany-smith.

I know, ginger.

Well, gee whiz. I've read all about her.

You know, she owns a diamond mine,

And she owns a movie studio in rome,

A-and she owns a, uh, railroad,

And she owns a movie studio in london,

And she owns, oh, a dozen newspapers,

And a movie studio in hollywood.

Ginger, I know all that.

But all of that is unimportant to me.

Even the movie studios?

Ginger, I've got a problem.

I've got a real problem. You're a girl, right?

Well, if you're not sure about that,

You have got a problem.

No, what I mean is... Ginger, I need some advice.

How can I get a beautiful, fabulous woman

Like mrs. Tiffany-smith to...

To like an ordinary sailor like myself?

Oh, well, do all the right things.

But what can I do?

I mean, I've taken her for a walk.

I got her a chair. I got her a fan.

I got her some cold water. I got her a fan.

I mean, how am I doing so far?

Perfect. If you want a job as her butler.

Oh, exactly. You mean I'm striking out.

Well, you're not even up at bat.

What can I do, ginger?

Well... You have to be more romantic.

I mean, a woman like that

You have to treat gently...

You know, poetry and things.

Poetry?

Sure. Napoleon used it on josephine,

And romeo used it on juliet,

Stanley used it on marsha.

Stanley used it on marsha?

Well, who are stanley and marsha?

Oh, they're the cutest couple.

They live next door to me in hollywood.

You really should use it.

Ok, ginger. I will. And thanks.

Ok. I have to go now

And fix my hair and my dress and everything.

Why?

She owns a movie studio in rome, a movie studio in london,

A movie studio in hollywood.

Poetry, huh?

Oh, mrs. Tiffany-smith, you're such a beautiful woman,

You remind me of a poem.

"The boy stood on the burning deck,

His feet were filled with blisters."

I thought all professors wore glasses.

Oh, not at all. My eyes are emmetropic and completely refractable.

From here, they look blue.

Mrs. Tiffany-smith, I must confess

That in the short time I've known you, I find your personality...

Overwhelming.

Professor, you're wonderful with words,

But there is something to be said for action, too.

Well, I'm afraid I'm accustomed to the academic life.

It's not often that I meet such a sophisticated woman.

Come on, professor. A sophisticated woman

Is only a schoolgirl without her braces.

Oh, mrs. Tiffany-smith, that's terribly witty,

An epigram worthy of wilde.

You know, professor, I've never met anyone like you.

You fascinate me.

I?

Fascinate i?

Oh. Oh, no, no, no. Me. Me is perfectly correct.

No. I'm merely surprised that I fascinate you.

Surely, you've met all types of men.

But never anyone like you.

Tell me. What are your plans

When we go back to the united states?

Well, mrs. Tiffany-smith...

Darling, please call me erika.

Certainly, mrs.... I... I mean, erika.

You see, there is something I have in mind,

Something I should like to ask you, but...

I find it terribly difficult to be emotional.

Even with me?

What's the difference?

As long as we understand each other.

Exactly! Now, you see,

I am terribly interested in doing research work.

So am i.

Wonderful! Oh, it has always been my dream

To have someone by my side, someone who was interested

In what I was doing.

Professor, meet you dream.

You mean... Of course!

Oh, so much has happened to me today,

I don't know what to say or what to do.

You'll think of something.

And if you don't, I will.

Hi, professor.

Oh, I'm sorry, gilligan.

I'm afraid I've been indulging in a bit of reverie.

That's funny. I could've sworn

You were just sittin' there thinking.

Mrs. Tiffany-smith, for reasons which I can't explain,

Has taken a fancy to me.

She's consented to work with me,

Side by side, hand in hand, toe to toe.

Sounds more like you're going to have a sack race together.

Together, we shall burst through the wall of ignorance

And discover one of the most important things in life.

What's that?

The mating cycle of the angle worm. Terribly important.

Yeah, must be. Especially to the angle worm.

You know, I believe she'd assist me

In building a laboratory.

She's been hinting at it, but I'm not sure.

Why don't you ask her?

Gilligan, beneath that bumbling and stumbling exterior,

You have a mind which moves swiftly

And directly to the point. Thank you.

Well, that's ok, professor.

If you got any problems, I'll be happy to help.

A tour of our island paradise, I think,

Will convince you of it merits, my dear.

Thank you, but I already found what I want.

Well, then a few moments of chitchat, and we can agree upon the price.

I think whatever it will cost will be worth it.

Erika, there is something

I should like to ask you.

The answer is yes!

Knowing that I'm just a professor,

And that you're one of the most famous women...

Congratulate us, thurston. I accepted the professor.

Well, congratulations, my boy. You've won the noble prize.

Or is it the nobel prize that you chaps win?

I have?

She may give you yale as a wedding present.

However, hold out for dear old harvard.

If he wants to, he can have a matched set.

I'm afraid I'm a bit bewildered.

Don't worry, darling. I'll un-bewilder you.

Best wishes, erika.

Congratulations, old man. Be good to her.

Come, my darling. Come.

Hi, professor.

Oh, hi, ginger.

I'm mary ann.

Oh. Of course.

I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm saying.

For one thing, you put your right shoe on your left foot.

Oh, dear.

Oh, so much has happened to me so fast

That I find it incomprehensible.

Well, it's really very simple, professor.

You and erika tiffany-smith

Are going to get married

And live happily ever after.

I hope so.

You know, hers is a world of high society and gay resorts,

And mine is one of work, work, work.

The question is, which world will we live in?

Gee, it would be nice

If you both lived in the same one.

The captain seems upset.

Well, erika, in the game of love,

Some must win and some must lose.

Yes, but they still deserve something for entering the race.

Perhaps a silver loving cup inscribed, "good show, old man."

No, I have a much better idea.

Admiral, how would you like to be the captain of my yacht?

Captain of that beautiful yacht of yours?

Oh, say, that's very nice of you.

It will be a novelty to have a real sailor.

May I ask a big favor?

Of course, granting favors is one of my favorite indoor sports.

Heh heh.

Could I sign my little buddy here on as first mate?

Him?

Well, don't let looks deceive you.

I mean, really, he's got the heart of a lion,

And the fierceness of a tiger,

And the loyalty of a bulldog.

All right, put a leash around him and bring him aboard.

Skipper, you're a real pal.

Now I'm gonna have my love show me around the island.

Good-bye, you guys.

Bye.

Hey, skipper, imagine that?

Being captain of that big yacht?

That's really somethin'.

Oh, I'll be the best skipper she ever had.

I'd do anything for that woman.

I'm glad to hear you say that.

Why?

Because as captain, your first duty will be to marry them.

Did you have to bring that up...

Did you have to, huh?!

Marry them...

You know, some men may have grown despondent

Over being marooned on a desert island,

But I've found it rewarding.

I found it rewarding, too.

I'll never forget my first week here.

Do you know that I discovered different mutations of ragweed?

As long as we discovered each other.

Oh, you have such strong hands.

Well, that's because I do a good deal of writing.

Why, I spend hours a day just cataloging the flora and the fauna.

The moonlit nights must be beautiful here.

Oh, that's true.

Sometimes the stars are so clear,

You can count the trianguli australis

Nd the corona borealis.

A moonlit swim under the desert sky...

With a warm wind blowing through the palm trees.

Erika, how wonderful.

Do you know you're the first woman I ever met

Who showed an interest in palm trees?

Did i?

Look at that tree over there.

It's a pomaceous indignaceous cunicus,

Very rare species with a very interesting fruit.

I wonder if adam and eve started this way?

And look, have you ever seen a more perfect example

Of the tartarocus or common turtle?

Isn't that exciting?

Heh. I suppose it's very exciting...

To another turtle.

Yes.

Yes, I suppose it is.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Oh, it's you.

That, ginger, is exactly the type of reaction

I seem to be getting from women.

I thought that you and mrs. Tiffany-smith

Were engaged to be married.

Well, the more time I spend with her,

The farther away from me she seems to be drifting.

What have you been doing?

Showing her the island, pointing out the various jungle growths,

Discussing microbiology.

Why, do you know that I was fortunate enough

To come across a gigantius rosinius,

And she wasn't the least bit impressed?

Professor, um, when you were in your teens,

Didn't you ever go to a drive-in movie?

Once, but the curvature of the screen

And the fidelity of the sound

Made it impossible to enjoy the picture.

Let me start again.

In your hometown, didn't you ever meet a girl

Whose house had a porch swing?

As a matter of fact, I did.

Oh, but she was quite impossible.

I tried to start intelligent conversations,

But all she was interested in

Was hugging and kissing, kissing and hugging.

Professor, don't knock it till you've tried it.

Well, if that's the way to win erika,

Then I'm afraid I haven't got a chance.

I don't even know the first thing about it.

Professor, school is now open.

School?

You've come to the right teacher.

Want a lesson?

Well, perhaps that would be advisable.

Up. Put your arms around me.

Mmm...

What's it gonna be, out of falls?

I'm afraid I don't understand.

Well, put your both arms around me.

Oh, all right.

You can hold me a little tighter. I won't break.

Well, i... I don't want to crush your dress.

Try.

Now kiss me.

On the lips, professor.

On both of them? At once?

It's the only way to fly.

How was that?

That wouldn't even satisfy your mother.

Professor, I don't know if you're ready for this,

But it's for your own good.

That, professor, is what mrs. Tiffany-smith wants.

What do you think?

Uh... Interesting, ginger.

But how am I going to get her to get me into this position?

Uh, let's get down to business, shall we?

You're right, darling, fun and game time is over.

With a little diligent work and a few measly million dollars,

You could turn this island into a playground par excellence

With golf, tennis, polo, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

That's the trouble, darling.

There hasn't been any etceteras at all.

I'm afraid our professor isn't the great lover.

You can say that again.

Does that mean you're not going to buy the island?

On the contrary, but only under one condition.

Why is there always one condition?

Well, darling, he's such a nice man,

And I don't want to hurt him.

Can you explain to him that I'm not the right woman for him?

I shall bend every effort, and I come from a long line of effort benders.

You know, when I told him that I'm - - ,

He said, my, what a wonderful i.q.

That man must be blindfolded from the inside, really.

All right, darling, I'll be back for you people in hours.

Hours. Cheers, my dear.

Now to explain it to the professor.

Ah, professor, getting caught up with your road work?

Oh, mr. Howell, no, no, no.

I'm just trying to come to a decision.

Well, erika has returned to her yacht,

And the launch will pick the rest of us up

In about hours.

Well, perhaps I can tell her then.

Well, there's something that I must tell you first.

Now, no offense meant, you see...

Erika feels the two of you are mismatched,

That a union would be utter folly.

What a coincidence.

I was just about to tell her that, although I admired her,

The differences in our individual psychologies,

Our intellectual patterns,

Our divergent approach to life and its basic needs,

Made our future happiness an impossibility.

Well, I'm glad I told you first.

By the time you finished that speech,

You'd be celebrating your fifth wedding anniversary.

[Thundering]

[Wind blowing]

[Crashing thunder]

Wow! Whoo!

Oh, never mind the storm, gilligan.

We've got to get packed. I tell you what you do:

You go down to the lagoon and see if mrs. Tiffany-smith

Has returned, all right? Go ahead.

Ohh!

Uhh!

Batten down the hatches!

Tear up the mainsail!

Lower the gear!

Gilligan, I told you to go to the lagoon,

Now will you go to the lagoo...

You go to the lagoon, I'm not going down to no lagoon.

I'm positive erika shall return for us.

She gave us her word, and her word is as good as mine,

Perhaps even better.

It's been days since the storm ended.

She's had enough time to return.

Gilligan, do you see anything yet?

All I see is flying fish and a seagull.

Look, I'm bleary-eyed. I've been up here hours.

Can I come down now?

All right, you can come down now.

What are you doing, skipper?

I'm not taking any chances.

Every time gilligan comes out of a tree,

He always comes down on top of me.

Well, this time I'm gonna be safe.

Ohh!

Uhh!

[Humming]

Oh, gilligan, please, no souvenirs in the sea chest.

Sorry, herman.

A turtle. Of all the silly things to put in a sea chest.

[Humming]

Gilligan, I told you no more souvenirs in the sea chest.

Now get out with those. Out!

Out!

Bring anything else in, I'll personally throw it out!

Guess what I got now?

Throw it out, gilligan.

Gilligan, what are you...

Oh, gilligan, will you please stop that?

You told me.

Skipper, you'd better unpack.

Unpack?

Listen.

Radio newsman: erika, all america is waiting breathlessly

To hear about your adventure.

Erika: it was marvelous, darling,

Simply marvelous.

I found the most wonderful group of people

On the cutest little island.

But the navy reports that they can't decode your logbook.

Hmm, I don't know why.

It's written in plain english,

Translated from hungarian, of course.

Well, that explains it.

I'll read it to you.

We took a left turn by a big, beautiful, pink tropical flower,

And then pulled over and parked.

I'm afraid that's hardly navy talk.

Well, a child could understand it.

After the storm, we backed up and made a u-turn.

But the navy must know

The exact latitude and longitude

In order to find those people.

Darling, there's nothing to worry about.

Every day they will send me a sailor to talk to.

Some day we will find them.

Well, skipper, what do you think?

Professor, I think we're gonna be here for a long, long time.

Oh, well, in that case...

Gilligan, what are you doing?

This is hilda.

She was gonna keep herman company.

Will you get that... Out of here!

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone, no light ♪

♪ No motor cars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪