02x17 - You've Been Disconnected

[bunniefuu]

♪ just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ a -hour tour ♪

[thunder]

♪ the weather started getting rough ♪

♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ if not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan ♪

♪ the skipper, too ♪

♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and mary ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪

Wow! Look at this mess.

Mother nature was really angry last night.

Not only that, there was a terrible storm.

Gilligan, why don't you

go hunt up some turtle eggs?

They ought to be easy to find now.

Skipper, that's one thing

I can't get used to, turtle eggs. Chicken eggs, yeah...

Oh, gilligan. An egg is an egg.

I know, skipper,

but every time I look down at the plate,

all I can see is sunnyside turtles.

Gilligan?

Yes, sir, turtle eggs.

That's right, and I will make some coffee.

Snake!

Snake, black big snake! Snake, snake!

Skipper, professor, skipper!

Skipper: what?!

I found something!

Bring it here!

I can't!

What is it?

I don't know!

You and the professor better take a look.

What is it now, gilligan?

What's the matter, gilligan?

Look, look! See?

Well, I can't believe it.

It's too good to be true.

What is it?

It's a communication cable.

Huh?

Don't you understand?

It's a telephone line.

We can telephone for help!

Telephone?

You're joking, professor.

This can't be telephone lines.

But it is. I'm positive of it.

Where'd it come from?

Well, it must've been the storm.

The tides last night were higher and stronger

than ever before, and the currents

must have pulled this loop of the cable up into the lagoon.

It's the greatest piece of luck in the world!

Yeah. I know what would've even be luckier.

What?

If it came with a telephone booth.

Well, phone booth or no phone booth,

I guarantee you we'll be able to telephone for help.

Gilligan, why don't you run and tell the others

all about the good news?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

The good news. The good news. The good news.

What good news?

The good news about this telephone!

Oh, that good news.

Yes!

Radio announcer: so much for the fashion news.

Now news from the hollywood scene.

Triangle studios today confirmed the persistent rumors

they are going to make the ginger grant story.

[gasp]

the movie will be a tribute to miss grant,

whose promising career was so tragically cut short.

My life story! I can't believe it!

Aah!

Casting will begin immediately,

and all of hollywood wonders just who will be selected

to play the part of the beautiful ginger grant.

Ooh!

Ginger, what's the matter?

Oh! Shh! Listen!

I heard you scream.

Shh! Listen. Listen. They're talking about me.

The columbia broadcasting system

announces that the star of their new tv series

will be a hippopotamus.

Oh! If I were you, I'd sue! No, no, not that.

They just said they're gonna make a movie about my life!

Really? Yeah!

They're going to call it the ginger grant story.

oh, what a marvelously original title.

Oh, if I was just there, I could play the lead.

Oh, don't be silly. You know if you were in hollywood,

they'd say you weren't right for the part. Oh, you're right,

and by the time I get rescued from this island,

I'll be old enough to play my own grandmother.

Gilligan: we're saved! We're saved!

What?

We've been saved!

At the lagoon, a telephone.

A telephone!

At the lagoon!

How did you know?

I ran all the way.

Women put things away.

You can't find them with all her fineries.

Ah!

Boomerangs! You can't throw 'em away!

I've been through lovey's furs...

Gilligan: mr. Howell! Where are you, mr. Howell?

I'm in pebble beach playing golf, you dunderhead!

Where do you think I am?

Can't find you, mr. Howell.

I'm down here, looking for something, gilligan!

Oh, there you are, mr. Howell.

Say, listen, mr. Howell...

That's right. You know where I am. Where do you think I am,

bending the elbow with the maharajah of sarawana?

What is sawa... Well, never mind that!

I can't find my silver lamé polo shirt, that's what.

I have some real important news.

Important? It's catastrophic!

It's the only one of its kind

with the crescent, you understand?

Yeah, but not that important, mr. Howell.

If I don't find it, I'm gonna notify the fbi, scotland yard,

and the new york stock exchange!

New york stock exchange?

Yes! I notify them about everything.

Oh. Well, mr. Howell... Mary ann! That's it!

Mary ann?

Mary ann does the laundry.

Maybe she knows where it is.

Hope she hasn't been using a harsh detergent.

Oh, well, mr. Howell...

Don't stand there, boy! I don't care!

Until I find my treasured possession... Speed!

Speed, son!

Gilligan: mary ann! Hey, mary ann!

Oh, gilligan. Oh!

Oh.

Oh, gilligan, I just washed those clothes.

Well, they're all dirty.

Except for mr. Howell's polo shirt.

Oh, that's what I came for.

Oh, I almost forgot. There's a telephone.

What telephone?

At the lagoon.

At the lagoon?

Yeah. I gotta tell mr. Howell. Bye.

A telephone at the lagoon.

What will gilligan think of next?

A telephone at the lagoon?!

Ah, my boy, you shall be rewarded handsomely.

I don't want a reward. I just wanna tell you something real important.

Yes, well, all right, then, what is it?

Do you know there's a telephone down at the lagoon?

No, but could you hum it?

♪ Hmm... ♪ No, mr. Howell!

A telephone at the lagoon!

Oh. Oh! Oh! I know!

Yes, yes. A telephone at the lagoon.

Why does everybody say, "oh, a telephone at the lagoon"?

Mary ann, ginger, mrs...

Well, why didn't you tell me, boy?

I tried, but everybody... But if it's so important,

from now on, speak up! I tried!

I have important calls! Learn, son!

From now on, speak up!

I tried, you know. I tried!

But you always interrupt.

Professor, I say that we make a break in the line,

then the phone company'll have to send out a repair crew

and they'll have to find the break, and we're saved!

But communications aren't that simple, skipper.

The company anticipates breaks in the cable,

and they automatically re-circuit calls to bypass the breaks.

It might be or months before they send out a repair crew.

But what else can we do?!

Well, I think that by using parts from the radio,

I can tap into the lines,

and we'll literally be able to call for help.

I have to call my agent! Where's the phone?

We don't have a telephone.

I have to call my broker!!

You don't understand...

[Overlapping yelling]

quiet!

[Whistles]

quiet, quiet, everybody!

Only one knucklehead could have gotten this thing so messed up!

Skipper, skipper! I told them the good news!

Well, this is the last blade.

Let's hope it cuts through the metal casing.

Aw... Oh, no. Another blade?

It hardly scratched the surface.

I don't think there's anything on this island

hard enough to cut through it.

There must be something.

Oh, use your head, gilligan.

I don't think it's hard enough.

Diamonds are the hardest known substance.

Perhaps the howells have a diamond

I could use to cut through the cable.

Great idea, professor!

You're so smart, you make me feel like

I got my brains in my feet.

Well, gilligan, why don't you use your brains

and run over to the howells and get a diamond?

If you need a diamond to cut the cable,

mrs. Howell and i, I must say, have quite an assortment.

Oh, yes. Carats and up.

Oh, I'd rather have a diamond. I don't think a carrot's hard enough.

Gilligan, I didn't mean carrot. I meant carat.

Never mind, lovey.

Let's just find a diamond for the professor.

Oh, thurston, do you remember when you gave me this?

Let me see. Quite flawless, I believe.

Oh, yes, yes!

That was, uh, december th.

Oh, was it your birthday? No.

Anniversary?

Oh, no, no, no.

December th only comes once a year,

so we always celebrate it.

Paper hats, noisemakers... September th.

Mmm!

Oh, that has a nice edge.

Maybe you could use that to cut the cable, hmm?

Yeah...

Oh, thurston, I have a marvelous idea.

My diamond necklace. That'll make a wonderful saw!

[Chuckles] there you are, gilligan, my boy.

Now you have more carats than bugs bunny.

Thanks, mr. Howell.

Hi, gilligan. What have you got?

Oh. A diamond necklace.

A diamond necklace?

Yeah. I gotta make a phone call.

Ginger, did you hear that?

No. I'm busy making notes.

I'm writing down everything that's happened to us

on the island since we got here for the movie.

You know, the ginger grant story.

oh, I'm just crazy about that title.

He said he had a diamond necklace.

Why would he need a diamond necklace to make a phone call?

I don't know.

I guess from here everything is a long-distance call.

Do you remember when the raft floated out

with all our provisions?

Wasn't it gilligan who forgot to tie the mooring line?

[Chuckles] yes.

And when the ship sailed past,

was that april or may?

April. You mean when we tried to attract the ship's attention

and couldn't find our one and only signal flare?

Yeah. Then we found out that gilligan

put the flare on skipper's birthday cake.

I bet it's the only cake up in orbit. Nobody's perfect.

Gilligan, we're ready. We'll see if these diamonds will cut through the casing.

All right. Start peddling.

Faster!

Faster!

Faster, gilligan!

Oh, no. You might as well stop.

I can't, I can't!

Ohh. Sorry. Must have forgot how to stop!!

sorry.

I guess it's just not working.

I'm afraid without a motor,

we just can't generate enough speed.

I don't understand.

Well, speed builds up friction. Friction causes heat,

and heat... Heat!

Fire! Maybe we can burn the casing off the cable.

The insulation inside will protect the phone wires!

Boy, professor, I don't know what we'd do

without your gray matter.

Who cares about his laundry as long as he's smart?

How do you want your cable, rare, medium, or well-done?

Ha ha ha.

What do you think, professor?

Well, the fire isn't hot enough.

We must increase the intensity of the heat.

If only gilligan hadn't thrown that blowtorch over

before the minnow got beached.

Oh, I forgot about that!

The blowtorch. Skipper, we can make one.

We can?

Certainly. The natural gas springs on the other side of the island.

We can contain the gas in a water bottle.

It might work at that, professor! Come on, gilligan!

Hi, skipper.

Hi, ginger. There's gotta be some natural gas

around here somewhere!

Tell me something, skipper.

Who do you want to play you in the movie...

Rock hudson or cary grant?

Well, ginger, maybe you'd better get 'em both!

Do you have any other incidents for me?

Well, the only thing I can recall

is that gilligan's always goofing up something.

Oh, hi, gilligan!

You're gonna be the star of the ginger grant movie.

That's one movie I'm not gonna see.

Just make sure you don't do anything else silly around here.

Don't worry. I learned my lesson.

[Hissing]

gilligan, give me the bottle!

That should do it!

How do you know there's gas in there?

Oh, there's gas in there.

You can't see it.

But, gilligan, gas is invisible. You don't see gas.

Oh. I'd better check to be sure.

Oh, g-gilligan! Don't do that!

Skipper!

Look out, ginger! Oh!

Gilligan! What happened?

Oh, ginger, i... He didn't think there was any gas in there,

and I told him there was, and he took the cork out and... [Inhales]

took a big... Sniff...

Oh, I hope it works!

[Excited chatter]

just a little bit more, and that'll do it.

Just a little bit more!

I don't know what we'd do without him.

I know, he's a genius.

Excuse me, ginger.

Now I've got to scrape the wire so we can make contact.

But be careful. Watch your fingers.

Don't short it out now.

[Excited chatter]

watch out, professor.

Mr. Howell: he's marvelous. Simply marvelous.

I hope these wires are intact.

I don't know what we'd do without him.

I'm going to hire him for howell industry.

Be careful, professor!

This is so exciting, I'm getting warmer.

Mary ann: watch your fingers!

Professor: the wires are perfect!

Oh, perfect! That's wonderful!

Did you hear that, lovey?

I'm so excited, I'm sweating!

[Excited chatter]

it's going to work!

We can telephone for help!

[Excited responses]

mr. Howell: use my credit card! Anything! Yes!

I smell something burning.

So do i.

I do, too.

Gilligan!

Oh, gilligan!

Aah!

Each one of these telephone lines

is capable of transmitting calls simultaneously.

Right now, there are over , calls being carried through them.

Just think of all the girls

being called for dates now.

Gilligan: think of all the wrong numbers.

Mr. Howell: think of all that income.

Let's see if we can tap in on one of those calls.

Nothing.

Nothing.

[Man speaking portuguese]

oh! Oh! Ah!

Professor, you did it!

[Speaking portuguese]

I can't understand a word he said.

Well, he was speaking portuguese.

Oh, good. I haven't talked on the phone for so long,

I thought I forgot how to listen.

It hadn't occurred to me that it might be difficult

to find a call with a language we could understand.

I speak a little spanish.

Oh, I speak fluent french and italian.

I'm pretty good with a few of the island dialects!

Of course, I speak latin.

That'll help if we happen to get a pharmacist!

I'm afraid I can only speak english.

I know some slang.

I know the universal language... Money!

I suggest you all take turns

monitoring these calls

until you find one with a language you can understand.

In the meantime, I'll rig up a microphone so they can hear us.

Oh, a microphone! A microphone!

I sure hope this gets us rescued.

I do, too, gilligan.

I can hardly wait to get to my favorite restaurant

and have my favorite steak sandwich...

Your favorite steak sandwich?

Yes. A filet between top sirloins!

And order my favorite, too... A chocolate-covered hamburger.

Eech.

Strawberry?

Man: aloha.

He said hello in hawaiian.

[Speaking hawaiian]

just cased the honolulu bank. Round up the g*ng.

Ok, skipper. Professor, mary ann, mr. And mrs. Howell,

ginger... Gilligan, what are you doing?

Rounding up the g*ng. When did you case the honolulu bank?

Not me, him! Now quiet... They're gonna rob a bank.

[Speaking hawaiian]

one of the guy's name is charlie,

and the job's gonna be pulled off the th of next month!

What's today?

Today's the second. Tomorrow would be the third.

Never mind, gilligan! Will you shut up now?

They're trying to rob a bank.

[Speaking hawaiian]

they're gonna use submachine g*ns. We gotta stop 'em!

I'll stop 'em, skipper. I know how.

Now they can't talk to each other anymore.

Oh, gilligan, what's to prevent him from talking on that wire?

This. We'll cut that wire. We'll cut...

Will you stop that, gilligan?

You break another wire, and I'll break your neck!

We've gotta use this to get off the island!

We do?

No luck so far, professor.

What are you doing?

I've just finished boiling down sap from a rubber tree.

This is rubber?

Yes. I'm trying to build a recoil mechanism for a dialing system.

Then perhaps we can make contact with the united states.

Looks more like tapioca pudding to me.

Skipper: gilligan, get your hand out of there.

I feel like ben casey.

You keep fooling around,

you're gonna need ben casey!

Here, skipper, hold on to this.

I'm gonna use it to make a dial.

All right, professor.

Gilligan, what are you doing?

Making a glove for my other hand.

I told you before, keep your hand out of there!

Now turn it around, skipper.

I gotta get this wire through here.

That's it.

That oughta do it.

Now, gilligan,

I want you to hold on to this bowl.

You'd better use both hands.

I can do it with one.

Wait a minute, professor.

Gilligan, he asked you to use both hands.

I can handle it with one. See?

Gilligan, please. The professor's trying to rescue us,

and you keep fooling around. Now use both hands!

Gilligan, I am trying to get us off this island.

Will you please help?

Well, we're about to start our second hour of incomplete calls.

Man: hello?

[Gasp] [gasp]

woman: where have you been?

I've been calling all evening.

Man: I've been out at a business meeting.

Oh, I think we found one!

We'll cut in on the conversation! Hello? Hello?

Woman: a business meeting?

Who's that with you?

Man: don't be ridiculous, sybil.

There's no one with me!

Hello? Can you hear me?

Sybil: who was that, your parakeet?

Oh, please, please help us!

Man: I don't know who that is, sybil,

but I assure you I'm quite alone!

Sybil: you must take me for a fool, larry. [Hangs up]

sybil!

Hello? This is ginger!

I don't know who you are, young lady,

but get off this line!

Oh, don't you understand?

We've been ship... [Hangs up]

oh, wrecked!

Please, somebody answer.

We've been dialing for over hours.

Wait'll we get our phone bill.

I hope somebody's home this time.

[Ring]

there's nobody home. Try another number.

Oh, wait. They might come in any minute.

[Ring]

oh! I think somebody answered it!

Hello? Hello, this is gilligan.

Hello?

Hello! Why don't they answer?

Hello!

Are you sure they answered?

Well, the phone stopped ringing.

I think I hear somebody breathing.

Sounds like he's gasping for breath!

Poor man!

I sure wish I was there to help him.

Oh...

Let's cross the yellow vine over the green vine.

Right. The yellow over the green.

Now we know we picked up hawaii on the green wire

and australia on the yellow.

And certainly peru came in very clearly over the brown wire.

That's right. And that should mean

that the western hemisphere should come in

over the brown, the yellow, or the green wire.

And certainly the united states should come in very clearly

on the red, white, and the blue!

Skipper, telephone wires just don't work that way.

The key to the pattern seems to be the red wire.

But the red wire must be a direct line to moscow!

Skipper, I said that telephone wires

simply don't work that way.

Well, all right, professor, but I sure hope you know what you're doing.

We spent a lot of man hours putting these colored vines up.

Well, it's the only way to solve any problem... Logic.

Now, using the deductive form of reasoning,

the wires used most frequently should relate to the united states

which has more telephones per capita than any country in the world.

The combination of that color with other colors

should indicate a progressive ratio scale with the other countries

proportionate to the percentage of telephones

located in those countries.

It's really very easy, isn't it?

[Foreign accent] oh, easy for you. Difficult for me!

The important thing is to keep these vines from getting tangled

while I figure out which color

will guarantee us a telephone call to the united states.

Professor! Professor! Hey, professor!

Gilligan! No, gilligan

for goodness sake, we spent all this time lining up these vines...

You tore the vines,

and we're trying to make a call to the states!

You'll never make it on a vine.

Why don't you just use one of the telephone lines down at the lagoon?

Oh, gilligan!

[Dialing]

woman: good afternoon. St. Louis bijou theater.

Today we're showing carol summers and gregory bryan

in dracula goes surfing.

as a companion feature, we have frankenstein goes surfing.

that's a good double feature!

The last complete show starts at : .

Thank you for calling the bijou. [Hangs up]

you're welcome.

Wait! Hello? Hello?

Let's see... What was that number?

[Ring]

this is the operator.

Will you kindly deposit cents

for minutes, sir?

Operator! I got an operator!

Will you kindly deposit cents, sir?

Operator, where are you?

This is the san diego operator.

Will you kindly deposit a dime, sir?

Don't go away, operator! I got an operator in san diego!

I'm sorry, sir. You'll have to deposit another dime.

Have you got a dime?

No, no, no. I don't think so.

I have a $ bill. I could tuck it in.

I got a quarter. I've got a quarter.

I'm sorry, sir. We cannot make change.

If you give me your name and address,

I'll send you cents.

I don't know where we are.

If you wish me to continue to keep this line open,

you'll have to deposit the quarter.

That's an operator! Don't lose her!

An operator?!

Did you deposit the quarter?

There's no place to put it.

I'm sorry. I cannot keep this line open.

Operator, wait, wait! Listen to me! Listen to me!

We're shipwrecked, and we found this telephone line,

and we tapped into it. We're on a deserted island.

There's no telephone booth or even a phone!

Why do I get all the nuts?

[Commotion]

skipper: operator!

Listen, we reached her,

we'll reach somebody else.

I don't think we're gonna have

many more chances today.

Look at that sky!

There's a bad storm coming in.

We gotta get indoors for the night!

We'll telephone again in the morning.

Come on!

The cable... It's gone!

Skipper, professor!

The cable!

Ohh... The... The cable! It's gone!

What could have happened to the cable?

Well, the same way the first storm drove it into the lagoon,

last night's storm must have pulled it out again.

Oh, what are we gonna do now?

Well, there isn't much we can do.

But I tell you this much:

with the bare telephone lines exposed to the salt water,

it won't be long before they corrode and break.

Then we will be rescued!

The phone company'll have to send out a repair crew,

and we'll be rescued in a few months!

Oh, no. What's the matter?

Last night when the storm started,

I didn't want the wires to get wet.

You didn't want the wires to get what. What did you do?

I wrapped them up real nice and dry

with the rubber the professor made.

Wait, wait, skipper! Look at it this way:

I didn't lose a rescue. I gained a new chapter in the ginger grant story.

now, skipper.

Well?

The cable just isn't down there.

It's gotta be!

I tell ya, it isn't!

That's the nd time I've been down there.

And what number comes after ?

Oh, no. Nothing's gonna make me swim

around the bottom of the lagoon again! Nothing!

Comin' up.

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ they're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate ♪

♪ and his skipper, too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others comfortable ♪

♪ in their tropic island nest ♪

no phone... No lights...

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ it's primitive as can be ♪

♪ so join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from stranded castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪