01x05 - Fiasco

[bunniefuu]

- [CLANKING]
- [MIN GRUNTING]

f*ck. Hang on. [GRUNTING]

Oh, f*ck it's...

sh*t. Give me your hand.

- It's higher than it looks. Be careful.
- It's not that high.

Just be careful.

All right, Min. It's
fine. It's not that hard.

[MIN] It's just higher
than it looks. Ready?

Hands off, Min.

[MIN] sh*t.

Ah, for f*ck's sake.

What are you moaning about now?

- f*cking ripped my coat.
- Huh?

I've ripped my coat completely.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine. Why? You see anyone?

- [MIN] No, can you?
- [LOUISA] No.

[JACKSON SIGHS]

Taverner's voice mail.

In the car you said
you'd tell me. So, what...

what did she mean about Charles's death?

Read the room, will you?
Is now really the time?

Ah, it's Lamb.

[JACKSON] Ah.

Ah, "Minuisa."

You've got a key?

[STAMMERS] Where the...
where the f*ck is Struan?

I told you to get Struan.

The Dogs got to him just before us.

- Did they see you?
- [RODDY] Yo.

[STAMMERS] Cartwright?

Went to try and wake Sleeping Beauty.

Sid. She's in a coma and is a beauty.

- [JACKSON SIGHS]
- Or was, till she got sh*t in the head.

Oh, Jesus, Ho.

Dog rolled up, so I split.

[CHUCKLES] Ah... Uh, we gotta go.

Taverner will pick us off one by one.

Find someone to turn.

She and Black had a plan.

Now that's gone to sh*t,
she'll try and play it

as Slough House gone rogue.

And what about the boy?
What happens to Hassan?

[STAMMERS] If he's not dead
already, he soon will be.

[PANTING]

You're a f*cking dickhead, Roddy.

[PANTING]

I remember where I saw
Alan Black. [SNIFFS]

He was meeting with Taverner.

[PANTING]

[JACKSON] All right, go...
go back. What were they doing?

Talking at her gym café.

It came back to me when I saw Sid

because she took the piss out
of me for following Taverner.

[PANTS] They were meeting secretly.

But it's your word against hers.

Yes, but I was following her
for surveillance training.

So I took a photograph.

Well, do you have it?

No, not yet.

But I think I know where
there might be a copy.

[MIN] A copy?

- Oh, this is hopeless.
- [JACKSON] Ah.

Well, it would certainly seem that way.

[SIGHS] Look. [EXHALES SHARPLY]

I-I-I don't normally do
these kind of speeches,

but this feels like a big moment,

and if it all turns to sh*t, I
might not see any of you again.

You're f*cking useless. The lot of you.

Working with you has been the lowest
point in a disappointing career.

[SNIFFS] Right.

Cartwright, you're with me.

- Wh... But wait, w... w... what do we do?
- [JACKSON SIGHS]

Well, try not to get caught
for as long as you can.

My money's on about minutes.

Well, we can try and save Hassan.

Oh, that'd be a sure
way to get him k*lled.

Go lock yourselves
in a toilet somewhere.

What a w*nk*r.

- [RIVER] Where are we going?
- To go and get that photo, you dickhead.

Back there, that's you goading
them into action, right?

f*ck no. I meant every word.

Right. Just checking.

[GRUNTING]

Oh, f*cking Christ.

["STRANGE GAME" PLAYING]

[REPORTER ON RADIO] Police
are still frantically searching

for the whereabouts of
the hostage Hassan Ahmed,

whose kidnappers have
threatened to behead him

at sunrise this morning around : ...

[CURLY] You hear that?

So they're still expecting us to
do that thing that we're not...

we're not f*cking doing.

Nothing about the dead spook.

Maybe they haven't found the body yet.

They'll have found the
body. With you two screaming

like a pair of little girls,
someone will have called it in.

You know why it's not
on the news, right?

They wanna bury it. And us.

An MI agent involved in a kidnap plot.

They don't want people
talking about that.

Nah. We are gonna die
resisting arrest, boys.

So the way I see it is we may
as well have some fun first.

Eh? Chop-chop.

- [STIFLED CRYING]
- [LARRY] f*cking hell.

[ZEPPO SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- [CURLY] So what?
- [ZEPPO] Just said that.

- [CURLY] So what?
- [ZEPPO] Oh. [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[JACKSON] See any lights?

- [RIVER] Second floor, maybe.
- [JACKSON] Did you leave them on?

Uh, I don't remember.

- Well, think.
- I don't know.

You were there too.
Why didn't you check?

Because I've earned the right not to.

[JACKSON] Well, it... it looks clear.

Doesn't mean to say the place
isn't swarming with Dogs.

Or a clean-up team
for the body or a trap?

Well, you better go in and find out.

[SNIFFS]

Oh.

I'm going in alone, am I?

Every man for me, Cartwright.

Don't worry.

I'll... I'll be here,
guarding the breach and all.

Thanks.

[REPORTER ON TV] What is the
latest we know about Hassan Ahmed?

Well, time really is of the essence now.

But we've had no further updates
from either the Metropolitan Police

- or the security services...
- [CATHERINE] Oh, that poor boy.

- ... with regards to the release...
- How can you eat?

... of Hassan Ahmed.
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

Relax. Dogs are nowhere near.

You hacked the Dogs' comms?

Snuck into their kennel,
muzzled them b*tches,

- stole their bones. [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, that's so wrong.

Whatever. They're outside
our homes and waiting for us.

Waiting for us to use our phones
and credit cards or passports.

So, we just hole up in here for
the rest of our lives, do we?

Right. We're f*cked then.

Can't track me.

I'm a digital ghost, so I'm fine.

Thanks for the team spirit, Ho.

You're forgetting Lamb.

Lamb doesn't care about us.

As soon as whatever he's got planned
goes south, he's gonna forget us.

[CATHERINE] That's not true.

T-the thing Charles
always said about Lamb...

[MOUTHING] Charles?

You hurt his joes, he'll
never stop coming for you.

And the thing, for Lamb,

there's nothing worse than
not being able to get even.

And he's not gonna
wanna lose to Taverner.

- Exactly.
- I think he's got even more contempt

for her than he does for us.

Wow, that's a skip-load of contempt.

And meanwhile, we what?

[REPORTER] Can we talk about
the ethics of this for a moment?

Because if they are going to
behead Hassan at : a.m.,

as they say they are, are
people really going to watch?

And if they do, are they not complicit?

Roddy, where are the Park on Hassan?

[RODDY] They've just narrowed it down

to ten vehicles that have left the area.

The one thing that we can bring
to this is that we knew Alan Black,

so... [INHALES DEEPLY]

... what do we remember about him?

[CHUCKLES] He was sent to Slough House

for sleeping with the Venezuelan
ambassador's wife while undercover.

Ap... Apart from that.

He moaned a lot. Never bought biscuits.

- Oh, my God.
- Sorry, what? We're free-forming.

- There's no bad ideas here.
- He was really lazy.

Oh, and that... that's better
than what I said, is it?

Listen, he was undercover
with the Sons of Albion,

so there would have
been a birth certificate,

passport, credit cards, the full legend.

Mmm. Yeah. Deep cover's expensive.

He was tight, so he definitely
wouldn't want to have to front that.

More than that. Taverner won't want
any of it to show up on the books.

So he could have used an old ID.

Roddy?

If you'll give me a few minutes, ladies.

And gentleman.

[TYPING]

- Ladies.
- [SCOFFS]

And that's another "Ho-me" run.

[CHUCKLES] Meet Dermot Radcliffe.

AKA Alan Black.

[MIN] Legend for a football hooligan.

[LOUISA] Ex-forces too.

That's catnip for British nationalists.

Let's see what Dermot's
been up to recently.

Sorry, Jed. [PANTS] Lamb's idea.

- Lamb and Standish...
- Have not been apprehended.

- Yes, I can see that.
- Lamb pulled a g*n.

You didn't frisk him?

It was in Standish's bag.

This is them?

Fingerprints match those
at the Roupell Street house.

They all have priors.
ABH, GBH, burglary.

- How we doing on the vehicles?
- Still have eight to locate,

but they might be
avoiding roads with CCTV.

They may have swapped vehicles.

We're following up on all
reported vehicle thefts.

- Ma'am.
- Not now.

[ALERT DINGS]

[CURLY] Showtime.

We're running out of petrol.

No.

Oh, f*ck off!

So what? Stop at the garage.

- [LARRY] We're covered in f*cking blood.
- [CURLY] Bit of a giveaway.

[LARRY] We'll end up on the CCTV.

[CURLY] Shouldn't have
left the balaclavas behind.

- Ah. F...
- Well, we can't make the boat

- without petrol, can we?
- Just calm down. I've got a plan.

- Yeah?
- We drive until we run out,

- and then we're gonna chop his head off.
- [LARRY] Oh, f...

[ZEPPO CHUCKLES] What the
f*ck is wrong with you?

- Yeah, let's just think about this.
- We don't have options.

Yeah, we do. We have the
option not to f*cking do that.

And have all this for nothing?

While they set us up and make us
look like twats and we don't even do

the thing that we said we were gonna do.

No, I can't have that.

We'll be a f*cking joke.

People need to fear and respect us.

They need to know that we mean
what we say when we say it.

[STIFLED CRYING]

Enough is enough, man. This is
our country, and we want it...

[ZEPPO] f*cking shut up!

- [TIRES SQUEALING]
- [LARRY] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- I've had enough. Okay?
- [HORN HONKS]

- Where'd you get that?
- On the guy whose head he cut off, eh?

He said he was a spy, but you
didn't check his pockets, did ya?

And I'm the dumb one, aren't I?

You'd rather spill my British blood
than his, then you're a traitor.

- [LARRY] Yeah.
- [THUMPING]

Get in the back. Check he's okay.

F... You're a f*cking
embarrassment, man.

I think he's being sick.

Yep. He's choking on his sick.

- Result.
- Hey.

Pull over. Chop-chop.

Get out.

Go on.

I said get out, now.

Come on. Move it.

Just move it. Open the door.

Right. Lift him up.

And get that f*cking tape off his face.

- [VOMITS]
- [ZEPPO] Ah, f*ck.

[LARRY] Whoa. Okay.

- [HASSAN GROANS, COUGHS]
- Put something in his mouth.

In case he screams.

Why aren't you threatening
him, you f*cking p*ssy?

Oh, you told him you're not
gonna k*ll him, didn't ya?

Don't f*cking push me. Okay?

- [HASSAN GROANS]
- Don't!

No fuel. Nowhere to go.

What's the plan now, eh, Captain?

- Eh?
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

We get some petrol, right?

We get to the boat... [PANTING]

- ... and we let the kid go.
- Who's gonna get the petrol?

[PANTING HEAVILY]

What?

Have you looked in the mirror?

Who's gonna get out of the van?

[PANTING HEAVILY]

Ah, f*ck it. f*ck it.

[STIFLED GRUNTING, CRYING]

He is.

[CHUCKLES]

Got him. Like a rat in a trap

that I will k*ll with
a hammer. [CHUCKLES]

"Triple-D Car Hire." Leeds address.

Registration number?

[NEWSCAST PLAYS INDISTINCTLY]

That will take a while.

[SIGHS]

[RODDY] Get me a coffee.

I need fuel for this one.

An SQL injection att*ck will take hours,

which leaves a malware b*mb
as the most effective method,

but that needs someone
to open an email, so...

Cheers, Standish. Double espresso.

[MUMBLES]

[LOUISA] I thought you
could hack anything.

I can.

I'm not saying I can't do it.
Just that it will take some time.

How much time do you need, Ho?

Because the kid's gonna
get beheaded in about,

oh, two and a half hours.

I'll tell you what I can do real quick.

Check your search history and tell
everyone what p*rn you look at.

Fine, 'cause I've got nothing to hide.

- [SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
- [TYPING]

- Don't you f*cking dare.
- [CHUCKLES] Hey.

- Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
- What's wrong with you?

- You're eight years old.
- [MUMBLES]

- [LOUISA] Pardon?
- Where's my coffee?

I didn't get you a coffee. I
got you the registration number.

DE CGK.

- [RODDY] What? How?
- Well, I rang them up.

And said what? "Do you mind breaking
multiple data protection laws?"

No, I said th-that I'd had an
accident with one of their vehicles

and I had the driver's name,
but because I was so shaken,

I couldn't read the registration
number I'd written down.

I think the words
you're looking for, Ho,

and these would be a first for you,

are, "Well done" and "Thank you."

It's on the list of vehicles
the Park are looking for.

Then we need to get them
to focus on that vehicle.

How do we let the Park know
that without them tracking us?

Oh, my God. Min, a
kid's life is at stake.

I know, but Lamb... Lamb
told us not to get caught.

Can't we track it ourselves?

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

["I'M GONNA BE (
MILES)" PLAYING ON STEREO]

- [DOG ] Oi! Stop!
- [DOG ] Stop!

- [DOG ] Stop!
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
- [DOG ] Stop!

[DOG ] Stay in the vehicle.

[MOUTHING LYRICS] ♪ Yes,
I know I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man ♪
♪ Who's working hard for you ♪

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

♪ And when the money ♪

[DOG ] Stay there.

♪ Comes in for the work I do ♪
♪ I'll pass almost every penny on to you ♪

[LOUD BEEPING]

- [DOG ] Move! Move!
- [DOG ] Come on, let's go!

- [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
- [DOG ] Move!

- [DOG ] Go. Go. Go. Move.
- [BEEPING CONTINUES, STOPS]

[MOUTHING LYRICS]
♪ Well, I know I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man ♪
♪ Who's growing old with you ♪

♪ But I would walk miles ♪

- ♪ And I would walk more ♪
- [TAPPING]

[SONG CONTINUES ON STEREO]

Can you get out of the
vehicle, please, Mr. Lamb?

No, no, no. I'm quite
comfortable where I am.

These seats are lovely.
And they're heated too.

- Step out of the vehicle now.
- Nah, I'm... I'm... I'm okay where I am.

You go fetch your boss and tell
him I've brought the car back,

but we need to go
over the damage waiver.

You help us get petrol,
you help us get to the boat,

and we will let you go. I swear.

Yeah? Okay.

- Listen, be cool. Okay?
- [COUGHING]

[CURLY] He's seen all our
faces, man. He has got to go.

No! Listen. Why aren't
you taking me seriously?

'Cause I'm the one with
the f*cking g*n, remember?

He's got a point. Look, I don't
like it either, but he's right.

Please, please. I'll say
I never saw your faces

or I never heard your voices
or I blanked it out from stress.

Oh, right now he'll say anything.

My uncle's got money.

Proving my point.

No, straight up. My uncle's rich.

Look, your exit plan,
it... it might not work,

but my uncle, he can sort that.

He can help you. He
can make something...

You little f*cking lying rat!

Hey! Hey! f*cking stop it!

- [PANTS]
- Your uncle.

Where is he?

Islamabad.

Where?

Pakistan.

- [CHUCKLES]
- What the f*ck use is that to us?

- You get your money and you disappear.
- This is such f*cking bullshit.

- He's messing with ya.
- f*cking stop it. I'm thinking, okay?

- That should take a while.
- [LAUGHS] Hey.

[PANTS] f*cking don't. Okay? Don't.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

It's gotta be worth a sh*t, yeah.

- Yeah?
- [SCOFFS]

But you're coming on the boat too,

and you stay with us
till we get the money.

- [SONG CONTINUES ON STEREO]
- [LOUD BEEPING]

♪ La la la, la la la ♪
♪ La la la, la la la ♪

♪ La la la, la la la ♪

- Get out of the car.
- [CONTINUES SINGING]

What?

Get out of the car.

[SONG CONTINUES ON STEREO]

Is this a joke?

No, it's the Proclaimers.

- Get out of the...
- [STEREO STOPS]

Nick, relax. I brought the car back.

You pulled a g*n on me.

Uh, no, I delegated that.
An... And any court of law

will tell you there's a difference.

And she didn't pull a g*n on you.
She pulled a g*n on... on your boy.

Get out of the car.

Are you gonna sh**t me?

- Not right now.
- Yeah, well, what about one of your lads?

Hair triggers make natural
scratching posts for itchy indexes.

They're not gonna do
anything unless you do.

You got my word on that. Now
get out of the f*cking car.

All right. Good.

'Cause I was wanting a
little word with Lady Di.

[WEAPONS COCKING]

All right, ah. [GRUNTS]

Just reaching for a peashooter.

Here you go.

Park it downstairs.

I could... I could m*rder a coffee.

What's the canteen like in this gaff?

- [LEAD DOG] Dogs en route. Stand by.
- [SIREN WAILING]

What's your plan then, big man?

Hey, you get out. You fill up the van.

Nod, nod, nod.

You fill up the van, and we
all get the f*ck out of here.

Yes? [BREATHES HEAVILY]

Oi.

Give him some money.

- How do you know he won't do a runner?
- [ZEPPO BREATHES HEAVILY]

Hey, listen, kid. You've
got... You've gotta come back.

[CURLY] See that lady
in the front filling up?

The one with the two kids in the car?

Hey!

Do you see that woman?

If you do anything wrong,

I'll walk round to the back of
the van, and I'll get my axe out.

And I'll cut her kids'
heads off in front of her.

Then I'll cut her head off, then yours.

And you know I'll do that, right?

[BREATHES SHAKILY] Yeah.

Hey, kid. Don't f*ck this up.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[CAP CLATTERING]

[THUD]

Diesel, yeah?

Knobhead. Keep your eye on him.

[CAP CLATTERING]

[PUMP WHIRRING]

[CUSTOMER] Excuse me. Hello.

- [CURLY] Oh, for f*ck's sake.
- [ZEPPO] No, no, no.

- Oh, f*ck off.
- I... I'm sorry, I... I... I need your help. Uh...

Can't get me, um...
me petrol cap back on.

Maybe the attendant can help.

Oh, no. 'Cause he's stuck
behind glass and, you know...

- What's she saying?
- ... the only way I can get...

f*ck this.

... I gotta get moving
again soon. [CHUCKLES]

But I'll, um...

But I'll, um... No, I'll...
I'm... I'll work it out.

Hey, Mervin. Help the poor woman.

Hey, look, I'm sorry about him.

Think he'd be a lot happier. He's
getting married in seven days.

It's a stag weekend.

Oh. [CHUCKLING]

Oh, God. Sorry.

It's... It's just 'cause you, um...

You know, you look like that, uh...

You know, the... That... [STAMMERS]

- You know, the, um... The... The fell...
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. The...

- The Pakistani boy that was kidnapped.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I get it.

- Had it all bloody day.
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]

But I suppose we all just look
the same to you people, right?

No. No, I wasn't...
I wasn't... I... It's

just 'cause... [STAMMERS]
I was thinking...

Oh, hey, uh... I was just joking.

- Oh. [CHUCKLES, GROANS]
- Yeah.

Sorry.

How about I look at
that cap for you, yeah?

Yeah, that'd be, um... Yeah, thank you.

[SNIFFS]

- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- Hey. Knock that off now.

I'm sorry they're up.

- It's all right. It's not your fault.
- [GIGGLES] Nah, nah!

Oh, that's really stuck in
there, isn't it? [GRUNTS]

There you go. [SIGHS]

- Hey, thank you. Have a good wedding.
- Huh?

Oh. Yeah, thanks.

Just gotta get through a weekend
with these miserable morons first.

[CHUCKLES]

[PUMP WHIRRING STOPS]

[LARRY] Go and pay the man.

[SIGHS]

[CUSTOMER] Hey, thank you again, love.

Hi... [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

She's leaving.

There's nothing to
stop him from running.

sh*t. Look at the TV.

[BREATHES SHAKILY] Um...

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

Excuse me.

Um... [BREATHES SHAKILY] Um...

For f*ck's sake.

Pump number?

Uh...

Pump number?

Pump number one.

[TYPING]

[ATTENDANT] It's . .

Keep the change.

Really?

Thanks, buddy. [CHUCKLES]

Go on. Go on, get in.

[LARRY SIGHS] Shut the door.

- [SIGHING]
- [CHUCKLES] Good job, kid.

- Good job.
- [LARRY] Did you get any change?

I gave him a tip.

Thank you, Nick. You can leave us now.

- Three sugars. There's a love.
- [DOOR BEEPS]

[SNIFFS]

Alan Black's body's been found.

Alan Black? [GRUNTS]

Ah, it rings a bell.

[DIANA] Ex-Slow Horse. Your man.

Clearly involved in the
kidnapping of Hassan Ahmed.

But you see, I remember
a conversation we had

on a bench earlier this evening,

where you told me you
had a guy on the inside

who had set the whole
thing up. So not my man.

I have a statement from
someone who saw you and Black

meeting after he'd left Slough House.

Struan Loy? Bless.

You think his word
stacks up against mine?

There'll be others.

Standish will show.

And she'll turn when she knows
why you're at Slough House.

- [JACKSON SIGHS]
- And Moody, dead

after committing m*rder himself.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you knew.

Sid Baker's gone.

I'm gonna make you an offer, Jackson.

[STAMMERS] I'm sure. [INHALES SHARPLY]

I mean, obviously you have
to have this all wrapped up

before Tearney lands, and I
can blow the whistle on you.

You don't have a whistle.

All you have is a CV
littered with dead joes.

Well, I'm not sure your career will
survive the death of Hassan Ahmed.

But anyway, make your pitch.

I'm sure you've got some sweetener

to help me neck this absolute bullshit.

Sign a statement that tallies with
Loy's, and that'll be the end of it.

Oh, you mean the end of me.

[DIANA] You'd be fired, but no charges.

And enough of a pension to
keep you in single malts.

A heavily redacted file will state
that you were thinking out loud

and Black went rogue.

[STUTTERS] When's Tearney get back?

I mean, I would... I'd
love to run all this by her.

Or we can sit here and
watch the Slow Horses

walk in one by one and accept
a job back here at the Park,

while you fester in the basement

until this is all cleared up, which
I can make last a very long time.

And if you get lonely, I can
always send Standish down.

The treason charge against
her will be resurrected,

and this time I can make it stick.

[SIGHS]

Oh.

Oh, I think I might have
been bitten at the canal.

[SNIFFS, INHALES DEEPLY]

Oh.

Well, it sounds like a wonderful deal.

And hats off to you.

You really got me boxed in. [SIGHS]

So print off a statement.
Give me a pen. [STAMMERS]

f*ck, I've just remembered.

Yeah, uh, there... there was
something I meant to tell you

as soon as I walked in.

[CLICKS TONGUE] The car
that... that I returned.

The one that's now
parked in the basement.

It's got a b*mb in the boot.

- [SIGHS]
- [DOOR BEEPS OPEN]

- ♪ But I would walk miles ♪
- [DIANA] Duffy.

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

[WHIRRING]

[TRILLING]

[WHIRRING CONTINUES]

- f*ck's sake.
- [DOOR BUZZES]

[SIGHS] f*cking Lamb.

What's he playing at?

[SIGHS] sh*t. Secure the building!

Search it floor by floor!
We've got an intruder!

Door!

[DOOR BEEPS]

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTING]

- [SHUSHES]
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

Now, tell me where the file is, please.

Wh... What file? What
are you even saying?

Stop pissing around. You
know exactly what I mean.

Whatever it is you think
I have, I... I don't.

Can you just put that thing
down, then we can... [GRUNTS]

- Which one's the photograph in?
- What... What photograph?

Taverner wanted me out because
she knew I took a photograph

- of her and Alan Black.
- I don't know what you're talking about,

but she had plenty of reasons
to want rid of you, mate.

Oh, you mean Stansted?

Exactly. That's why you're out. [GRUNTS]

I know what she did. She got
you to f*ck me over at Stansted

because she'd have an
excuse to get rid of me.

- It was your fiasco.
- [GRUNTS]

Now, I'm pretty sure
that she'll have asked you

to destroy that photograph.

And I'm even more sure that you'll
have kept a copy for insurance.

So tell me where they are,

and then I won't sh**t
you straight in the face.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]
Sorry, mate. You lost me.

[BOTH GRUNT]

- Tell me where it is.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

- Hey! [GRUNTS]
- [GRUNTS]

[CHATTERING]

Come on, come on, come on.

Black.

Black, Black, Black, Black,
Black, Black, Black, Black.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

No.

[SHOUTING]

[ON PA SYSTEM] All teams. All
teams. Evacuate workstations.

Please start approaching a
secure area with passes and ID.

This is a ...

- [DOG ] Move! Move!
- [DOG ] Come on! Let's go!

[DOG ] All right,
everybody out this way!

[SIGHS]

Stansted.

- Move! Get out!
- Move! Move! Move! This way!

- [GROANS]
- Move!

Stansted. Stansted,
Stansted, Stansted, Stansted.

Motherf... Fiasco.

Yeah.

- Clear.
- Move.

[DOG ] We're evacuating this area.

Move!

- [DOG ] Move, move, move.
- [DOG ] Out, out, out!

- [DOG ] Coming through!
- [DOG ] Clear out!

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

- [DOGS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
- Out of the way!

[DOG ] All clear! Out! Out!

- [DOG ] Move!
- [DOG ] Move!

Webb, we have a code !

[DOOR CLICKS]

- [DOG ] Down!
- [LEAD DOG] Down! On the floor.

[WEBB GROANS]

[NEWS REPORTER]... extremely worrying,

and added to the investigation...

[DOOR BEEPS OPEN]

This is yours, I believe.

Oh, yeah. Must have forgot
to attach the b*mb part.

Duffy and his men are sweeping
the building as we speak.

I assume it was
Cartwright you smuggled in.

Nah, I thought it was
helpful to test your security.

I've got bad news. Your
guys are not very good.

[PHONE RINGS]

Put him in the basement, next to Loy.

[CLICKS TONGUE] You
got the gist of that.

Yeah. Well, if my guys
were as good as your guys...

[SCOFFS] ... they'd be your guys.

Now that little interlude is over,
perhaps you'd like to sign this.

Before I do that, I
just got one question.

Who the f*ck have you
just sent to the basement?

[BREATHES DEEPLY] Ma'am.

- [JACKSON] Good?
- [RIVER] Yeah.

Oh, no. I wouldn't do that, ma'am.

Fiasco.

[RIVER SIGHS, SNIFFS]

In three seconds, I could have a
dozen g*ns pointed at your heads.

Yeah, but you won't do that.

Because you don't want
anyone to see these.

Here, look.

There's you, and there's Alan Black.

Huh? Remember setting up the
thing you're accusing me of?

Kidnapping Hassan Ahmed
in a false flag operation

so you could rescue him, look
good and score some points.

You did tell me all that
earlier, but this is evidence.

Yeah, I've put your name in. If
you'd just initial the changes.

Sign at the bottom.

I met with an ex-agent.
That means nothing.

Oh, you won't mind if we,
uh, send this to Tearney then?

- And everyone else at the Park.
- And Hobden, while we're at it.

No, no. Hobden's a kook.
Send it to all the news desks.

- News desks. [MUTTERS]
- What do you want?

I want that kid found alive.

And you think I don't?

I think your attention's been split
between finding him and burning me.

[GASPS]

There are three possible vehicles.
We have lost track of all of them.

We are doing everything we can.

There's something more you could do.

Cartwright got Hobden's phone.

It turns out there's a certain someone
he called when it all went to sh*t.

Maybe you should pay
that someone a visit.

Hey, this deal with your uncle,
how much money we talking?

[STAMMERS] Well, name your price.

What is he? A billionaire?

No, he... he's got businesses
and... and lots of investments. Lots.

Oh, yeah? Well, how come he
never helped you out before?

You was living in a right
shitheap back in Leeds.

He... He said he wanted me to make
my own way, like... like he did.

[BREATHES SHAKILY] But he
wouldn't want me hurt. [STAMMERS]

He wouldn't want me hurt.

Hey, listen. Listen, why would he lie?

Like you said, he better
not be bullshitting.

Because if there is no
uncle and there is no money,

- we're gonna find out, you know?
- The money will be there, I swear.

Okay? I promise it's there. My uncle...

Yeah, all right, all right. All right!

Jesus.

Look, he did well at the petrol station.

You did.

[CURLY] So I'll give him
the benefit of the doubt.

He can come with us.

But only if he makes me laugh.

If he f*cking what?

He's a comedian, isn't he?

Well, I say "comedian." He's
never had the balls to go on stage.

[CURLY] Come on, now!

This is your big chance. You
wanna come with us, don't ya?

- Roast us like on Comedy Central.
- Make us laugh.

- [CURLY] Go on!
- Um...

- [LARRY] Waiting.
- Okay, okay. Uh...

Um...

So you're the Sons of Albion, huh?

Just a hunch,

but is Albion married
to his first cousin?

That's just f*cking rude.

That's the point. It's insults.

[LARRY] Go on.

"The Sons of Albion."

Because "Unfuckable White
Men with Daddy Issues"

doesn't quite fit on
a neck tattoo, does it?

Dear me.

Oh.

I guess you got what you wanted.

A Muslim bombing.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHS]

[IMITATES expl*si*n SOUND]

[ZEPPO LAUGHS] Now, that's good.

That is good. More.

The Sons of Albion:

Saving Great Britain from the
infidels Monday to Thursday,

but can't resist a good
curry on a Friday night.

- [LARRY LAUGHS]
- [ZEPPO LAUGHS]

- He's talking about us! [LAUGHS]
- [LAUGHING]

You know... Uh, you know there's
. billion Muslims in the world?

- [LARRY] Yeah?
- He's on a roll. [LAUGHS]

- You're gonna need a bigger van, mate.
- [LAUGHING]

Hey, do him. Do him.

- Go on. Go on.
- Look at him.

If he was any more
inbred, he'd be a sandwich.

[LAUGHS]

Another one! Another one!
This guy! Another one!

And this one, he's so dumb, he's
got a note in his underpants:

"Wipe arse. Use paper."

- [LARRY LAUGHS]
- [LAUGHING] Hey!

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

You're f*cking funny!

He's laughing now! He's laughing...

- God! [LAUGHS]
- [LAUGHING]

He's laughing now?
[LAUGHS] He's laughing!

[LAUGHS LOUDLY]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[ZEPPO] Ah, f*ck!

- [GASPS]
- [GASPS]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[CURLY CHUCKLES, EXHALES SHARPLY]

Whew!

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Now that's f*cking
funny. [INHALES SHARPLY]

["STRANGE GAME" PLAYING]