03x07 - Man with a Net

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Oh, dear. I do believe I missed him.

Hey, what's going on?

Can't have gone very far.

Hey, mister. Hey, mister.

Hey, skipper!

What is it, gilligan?

There's a man on the island with a net trying to catch a butterfly.

If there is a man with a net on this island,

He'd be after you.

No, skipper, really, I was minding my own business, fishing--

Wait for me!

Wait for me, little butterfly.

Gilligan, you're right.

I told you. I told you. Ooh.

Excuse me, sir.

You're no butterfly.

Are you looking for something?

Shh. Of course I'm looking for something.

I'm looking for the satyrinae lexpus.

Cindy--what-- what-amus?

Satyrinae lexpus-- otherwise known

As the pussycat swallowtail.

Well, did you lose it?

Of course I didn't lose it.

My dear man, the pussycat swallowtail

Is the rarest butterfly in the entire world.

The only butterfly that escaped lord beasley.

I'm lord beasley,

And that's not a pussycat swallowtail.

Well, but, lord beasley,

How did you get here on the island?

By boat.

Some of the natives said that that butterfly

Had been seen on this island.

How are you going to get off the island?

Shh. By boat.

By jove, that might be one over there.

Lord beasley, when we--

Come on, gilligan.

That's it. That's it.

Lord beasley-- shh.

When you leave-- shh.

When you leave the island, can we go with you?

Yes, yes. Now do be quiet.

Did you hear that, gilligan?

We can leave the island.

Whoopee!

As soon as he catches one of those silly butterflies,

He's gonna sh**t off his flare g*n.

And a boat's gonna take us off the island.

Gentlemen, we have a problem.

What kind of a problem?

You mean there's not gonna be enough space on the boat?

How much room can one butterfly take up?

Well, the problem is catching the butterfly.

Now, I know that lord beasley is a world-famous authority,

But according to this book, it's not at all unusual

For a butterfly collector to take weeks, months,

Even years to collect the proper specimen,

Even if they know its habitat.

I didn't know a butterfly had a habitat.

I thought they had wings

And those little skinny things

That came out of their heads.

Gilligan, quiet.

What do you suggest?

Well, no one knows this island as well as we do,

So I suggest we make some extra nets

And all of us take turns helping lord beasley

Collect those butterflies just as soon as possible.

And a great friend of ours

Is the first earl of chelsea.

I understand he's terribly wealthy.

So wealthy he has monogrammed contact lenses.

I do believe something's fluttering up ahead.

You know, lord beasley, I think we met you

At princess grace's at a dinner party several years ago.

Uh, there was someone at the punch bowl

With a pith helmet.

No, my dear. No, my dear.

With the pith helmet-- that was sir charles,

The famous elephant hunter.

Oh, yes, of course it was.

Well, anyway, whoever it was,

He was terribly potted.

Well, no wonder.

Scooping the punch out of the bowl with the pith helmet.

Looks like it could be a pussycat swallowtail.

No, it's no use, my dear.

Lord beasley has a one-butterfly mind.

That's right, little pussycat.

Just sit there quietly until i--

Oh. Oh! Missed him.

Oh! Heavens!

Oh! It's quicksand.

Don't panic, lord beasley!

We'll save you!

Never mind me. After that butterfly!

Lord beasley, you're sinking.

He's heading north by northeast--

Or is it north by northwest?

No, it's north by northeast, all right.

After him! After him!

Oh, get him. Lord!

[Yelling]

Shh!

Remember your training, beasley, old man.

Move as stealthily as a snake,

As gracefully as a fawn,

As quietly as a rolls royce.

Ginger, we're supposed

To be helping to catch a butterfly.

Mary ann, the only thing I know how to catch is a man.

Is it or isn't it?

It could be.

Yes, I do believe it is.

A pussycat swallowtail.

Lord beasley, look out for that...

Cliff.

Oh, I can't look.

Me neither.

Hurry! Hurry! He went that way!

How are your feet, gilligan?

I don't know, skipper.

My feet and I aren't on speaking terms.

Well, we've been over almost every inch of this island,

And we're not even sure that lord beasley

Has even seen a pussycat swallowtail yet.

Well, where else can he find to look?

Good heavens.

Looking for a butterfly under the water?

That's what I call a determined man.

That's what I call a determined nut.

Must be some way to make that man

Forget his silly butterfly

And get us off this island now.

Well, the question is how?

Until he catches that butterfly,

He positively refuses to sh**t off that flare g*n

So the boat can pick him up.

Well, maybe he'll give up when he realizes

There's no place on this island he hasn't looked.

Except for the top of that mountain over there.

Gilligan, what mountain?

You and your big mouth.

Ooh. Aah.

Ooh, ooh.

Shh. Something with wings is flying around up ahead.

We're so high up, it's probably an angel.

Lovey, I tell you I am so frustrated that--

Well, I could almost scream.

Aw, I know how you feel, dear.

Our rescue seems so near, and yet so far.

There must be some way of influencing lord beasley

To fire that flare g*n now.

Well, you know, darling.

There's only one honest way to influence anybody.

You're right! Bribery.

Let me see. Yesterday we looked here and here.

Good evening, lord beasley.

May I come in?

And the day before, we looked here.

Oh, thank you very much.

May I say that you look like a million dollars?

Would you like to try for million?

Now, we've also looked here.

Uh, lord beasley, I'm a very wealthy man,

And to get me off this island,

I'd happily pay you $ , .

Now, we've looked by the cove.

Uh, happily , .

Yes, yes, by the bat cave.

Happily $ , .

Did I look there? Yes, I did.

Lord beasley, would you at least give me

The courtesy of listening

When I'm trying to bribe you?

Now the question is: where shall I look again?

Ah!

Please listen to me.

The center of the island.

Unh! Good heavens!

I've had an appendectomy.

Well, that sortie was a disappointment.

Lord beasley,

May I come in?

What now, the mountaintop again?

Lord beasley.

Lord beasley,

You know, I've always been crazy about lords and ladies...

Especially lords.

On second thought,

I think I'll save the mountaintop for tomorrow.

I hope you don't think I'm being too forward.

[Buzzing]

Bee.

Shoo!

Shoo! Shoo!

Of course I could always try the east end of the island again.

Oh, don't you worry about a thing.

I'll take care of it for you.

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! Ow!

Oh!

Wha--did someone say something?

The satyrinae butterfly--

Identified by the bright yellow spots on its blue wings.

The nymphalidae--

Builds itself a shelter out of rolled leaves.

Also known as the milkweed butterfly.

No, no, no. That's the papilionidae.

Professor, lord beasley has you talking to yourself.

Oh, please, mary ann.

I am trying to memorize these facts about butterflies

So I can converse with lord beasley

In an intellectual fashion.

I must convince him to fire that flare g*n

So we can get rescued.

Now, a nymphalis antiopius,

Also known as the red tail--

No, that's the bacilarchia.

Oh, professor, when I was in school,

Some of the kids, well, not me, of course,

Used to put crib notes in the palms of their hands,

Just to help them remember things.

Mary ann, remember to whom you are speaking.

I mean, after all, the idea--

A professor with degrees using crib notes.

I'm sorry. It was just an idea.

And an excellent idea at that.

Oh, my word.

Obviously, this caterpillar

Will never turn into a satyrinae lexpus.

Oh, obviously not.

Why, that's a...

That's a larchae artemis if I ever saw one.

Ah, butterfly eggs.

Yes, and from the looks of them,

I'd say they were from the family of, uh,

Nymphalia artemis.

Possibly. Possibly.

Lord beasley, I haven't told you this before,

But I'm a great admirer of yours.

Why, I practically memorized your book the butterfly and i.

Indeed. I'm writing a sequel.

Things with wings.

Ah, splendid title, splendid title.

Now that I met you in person,

I can't wait until we get off this island so that we can--

Aha!

What have we here?

A bright red butterfly with spots of brown.

What would you say he is, professor?

Uh, bright red with spots of brown.

That's from the family of, uh, lycaenidae,

Also known as "the meadow brown."

Uh-huh, just as I suspected.

If there's one thing I detest, professor,

It's an impostorous butterfly collector.

Impostorous.

Impostorous?

It's no use. All our efforts to get lord beasley

To fire off that flare g*n have failed absolutely miserably.

He wouldn't even listen to a bribe.

The man is obviously a mental case.

There must be something we can do to get him to fire that flare.

Well, why don't we just, you know--

Gilligan, quiet, please.

The question is, what can we do?

Oh, you can't even get his attention

Unless you look like a butterfly.

Well, why don't we--

Gilligan, quiet, please.

Maybe we could hypnotize him

And make him think that we're all pussycat swallowtails.

Why don't we--

Gilligan, please!

Why don't we just fire the flare g*n?

Gilligan, I'm gonna tell you for the last time,

Will you be quiet-- flare g*n? Flare g*n?

What flare g*n?

This flare g*n.

Gilligan, where did you get that?

It was on the table, and he just left, and I picked it up.

Well, just don't stand there, man.

Fire it, fire it!

[g*n clicks]

It must have a sil*ncer. I didn't hear a thing.

Well, you knucklehead, why didn't it go off?

Yes, I wonder why it didn't.

Because I have the flares.

So, you thought you could flatter and cajole and trick me into breaking my vow

Not to leave this island without the pussycat swallowtail.

Shame on you... And after our countries

Had built up a friendship based on mutual trust...

In spite of what happened in .

Now, hear this--we shall stay on this island

Until we catch that butterfly,

If it takes forever!

Good night!

Troops, attention!

Present nets.

Mr. Howell, your net is very untidy.

Remove the loose grass.

Now, look here, i--

Mr. Howell, he's our only hope of getting off the island.

Oh.

Do you have something you wanted to say?

Uh, no, mon capitan.

Now, before we go into the field today,

May I remind you that unless we catch that butterfly,

Nobody leaves the island!

He's a regular captain bligh.

No talking in the ranks!

Yes, sir!

And may I remind you that captain bligh

Was also a britisher.

Yes, sir.

Troops, attention!

Left face!

Shoulder...nets.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Forward...march!

To the rear...march.

Hut, , , ! Hut, , --

Troop, halt!

It's now precisely : hours.

We shall rest for half an hour,

And then resume our search at precisely : hours.

Troops, fall out.

My poor feet.

Oh, your poor feet? My calluses have calluses.

Oh, that's nothing. Would you believe my socks are melting?

Oh, I'm a half an inch shorter.

I've worn out my feet.

I'm a half an inch taller.

I'm standing on my blisters.

Thurston, how much longer will we have to be in this horrible army?

When we get home, the british embassy

Will hear about it, believe me.

Cheer up, men.

With continued fortitude and resolution,

It is only a question of time--

Before we collapse from heat prostration.

That's it. That's the pussycat swallowtail.

After him!

[All yelling at once]

What'd I do?

Skipper, a little purple would be pretty.

Gilligan, we're trying to make this butterfly

Look exactly like the pussycat swallowtail in the professor's book,

And there is no purple in it.

Well, a little purple would be pretty, skipper.

Would you please just hold the palette steady

Or I'll make you purple...

And black and blue, too.

Have either of you fellas seen my book on the--

What are you doing?

Well, you're painting a butterfly.

I think the little devil likes it.

It's gonna help us get off the island.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

There you are now, gilligan.

Call lord beasley.

It won't work.

An authority like lord beasley

Will never in a million years

Be taken in by a painted butterfly.

Gilligan, call lord beasley.

Lord beasley, lord beasley!

We caught him, we caught him,

We caught him! We caught him!

Where? Where? Where?

Ah, it's a satyrinae lexpus if I ever saw one.

It is?

Oh, good. Now we can sh**t off the flare g*n

And we'll all be rescued.

In a moment, in a moment.

I'd like to examine this beauty more closely.

[Thunder]

Well, now I've seen everything.

We sure are good painters, huh, skipper?

Ah, what'd I tell you? Who is this picasso and rembrandt? Ho ho!

Gentlemen, aloha. Hawaii, here we...come.

The rain seems to have turned your butterfly

Into a large white moth!

Well?

Well, if there's anything I can't stand,

It's a butterfly that won't hold its colors.

Maybe it turned white because it was sick.

Gentlemen, consider yourselves fortunate.

Unh!

In england, I would have had you jailed

For butterfly forgery!

Oh, but, lord beasley!

Well, gentlemen, what do you think?

Well, I must say, professor,

It's a very heady-smelling concoction.

Oh, yes, indeed, after these berries

Have fermented in the sun,

They have a lovely flavor and quite a kick.

Well, I don't know. Getting lord beasley tipsy

So that we can get him to fire his flare g*n,

It's a pretty wild scheme to me.

Listen, skipper, for a fella who recently tried to paint a butterfly--

Well, I don't see how it can miss.

I once made some fantastic business deals

Over a few drinks.

I never will forget,

I once sold grand central station

Over martinis.

What's so fantastic about that?

I didn't own it. Ha ha ha!

Well, gentlemen, I think we're about ready.

I think we have enough.

I predict that after a few sips of that concoction,

Lord beasley's flare g*n will go off by itself.

[Bang]

Here's some more tea.

Don't spill any of that tea, mary ann.

It's liable to eat right through the table.

Now, remember, act very casual

So lord beasley won't get suspicious.

And remember also that the proper way to drink tea

Is with your little pinky extended, thusly.

Thanks a lot, mrs. Howell.

Beasley: hup, , ...

Here comes gilligan and lord beasley now.

, , .

Halt, , .

Halt means stop, gilligan.

I think my stopper's broke.

Oh, lord beasley, before you--please, sit down, won't you?

We have a little surprise for you.

A special tea in your honor, lord beasley.

Well, how nice. We'll just have time

Before we explore the volcano.

Oh, how jolly.

Here you are, lord beasley.

Oh, how very nice,

But I'm not going to drink alone, am i?

No, absolutely not.

I propose a toast to lord beasley.

Long may his butterfly net wave.

All: to lord beasley.

Long may his butterfly net wave.

Beasley: how sporting of you.

I always admire a good loser.

Skipper, this tea tastes just like--

It is.

Oh, that's why it tastes like--

A toast to lord beasley. Long may his butterflies fly.

All: to lord beasley.

Long may his butterflies fly.

Drink up, drink up. When beasley drinks, everybody drinks.

Thurston: there you are.

Delicious. Now, you must excuse me.

I'll get into my asbestos suit

So that we can explore the volcano.

Another toast...

To the united kingdom.

All: to the united kingdom!

No, no.

Ah, just a minute there, lord beasley.

A toast to the british navy.

All: to the british navy.

To the, uh, to the british army.

The british army.

The british army.

There you go.

Well, there you are.

To the-- wait, one more.

To the british boy scouts.

The little fellows.

The little fellows.

And a toast to this most delightful-tasting tea.

It can't be.

But it is!

At long last the pussycat swallowtail is mine.

Here you are, me beauty.

Hurry! Hurry, everybody!

The boat'll be here in minutes.

Gilligan, gilligan.

Skipper.

Well, my little pussycat,

I'm afraid we shall have to leave without them.

That's the trouble with you americans.

You simply don't know how to hold your tea.

Ooh, what hit me?

Well, I don't know, but I obviously

Dropped out of a coconut tree

And landed right on the top of my--my head.

Gilligan, little buddy. Wake up.

Huh? Where am i?

Oh. You're next to me, gilligan,

Wherever I am.

Oh, dear.

This is the last tea from fermented berries

I'll ever serve at one of my parties.

Now I remember.

We were drinking toasts to...

All: lord beasley!

Lord beasley. I don't see him anywhere.

Has anyone thought of looking under the table?

Hey, all of his things are gone.

Well, according to my watch,

We've been asleep only minutes.

Only minutes?

Well, according to my calendar watch,

We've been asleep for days and minutes.

Days?

I wonder if there's anything on the radio.

Radio: and now directly from london,

We bring you an interview with lord beasley waterford

Who made butterfly history today by returning from the south pacific

With a pussycat swallowtail,

The rarest butterfly in the entire world.

He caught one.

Well, how could he miss?

He and that butterfly were the only ones awake

On this whole silly island.

Radio: congratulations, lord beasley,

On your amazing feat.

Beasley: thank you.

I would also like to thank the bbc.

Announcer: oh, the british broadcasting company?

The bug and butterfly convention

For renaming the butterfly I caught

"The lord beasley butterfly" in my honor.

Oh, good show,

But tell us, lord beasley,

Why are you dressed in that fur-lined parka

And carrying that fur-lined butterfly net?

Butterfly net? Fur-lined parka?

Beasley: because I'm off to the antarctic

In a moment or two.

There's an even rarer butterfly there

Than the pussycat swallowtail. Cheerio!

But I say, lord beasley,

You haven't yet told us your adventures in the pacific.

It will have to wait.

That poor butterfly might be freezing to death

At this very moment. Toodle-oo.

Good-bye and jolly good luck, lord beasley.

Well, obviously,

Lord beasley hasn't told anyone about us yet.

Yeah, that's just great.

By the time he gets back from the antarctic,

He'll forget we ever existed.

What are we gonna do?

Well, I don't know about the rest of you,

But as far as I'm concerned, it's tea time.

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone, no light ♪

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪