03x17 - Court-Martial

[bunniefuu]

Radio announcer: now stay tuned for the news.

Hey, skipper, do you want to hear the news?

Radio: the ill-fated minnow

made the headlines again today.

The minnow? The minnow?

The minnow? Huh?

He said the minnow!

What? What is it?

He said the minnow! The minnow?

Radio: yes, the minnow,

a small charter vessel

that carried passengers and a crew of .

Today a maritime board of inquiry sought to fix the blame

for the loss of the vessel and passengers--

worst storm in history, that's what it was.

At the conclusion of the hearing,

the maritime board decided that the captain of the ship

was solely responsible for the disaster.

The captain of--me?

Gilligan, they're blaming me!

Radio: it was a clear case of dereliction of duty.

Fortunately, there are few captains of charter vessels

who are as completely incompetent as--

[turns radio off]

[groans]

they weren't talking about you, skipper.

Gilligan, yes, they were talking about me.

No, they weren't.

Oh! Where are you going?

I can't face anyone.

I mean, I'd be better off dead!

No, skipper! It's all my fault!

♪ Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ a -hour tour ♪

[thunder]

♪ the weather started getting rough ♪

♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ if not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan ♪

♪ the skipper, too ♪

♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and mary ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪

and they actually blamed the skipper

for the shipwreck and loss of the minnow?

Yeah, it really shook him up.

He ran off, and I can't find him.

I'm afraid of what he might do.

Like what, gilligan?

He might jump off a bridge,

lay on a railroad track, or get hit by a truck.

Gilligan, you're not thinking.

We don't have a bridge, we don't have a train,

we don't have a truck.

Oh, yeah. Well, there's nothing to worry about.

Except jumping off a cliff.

There's something to worry about.

I'll go find him. You tell the others.

You don't really think the skipper would hurt himself, do you?

Ginger, when a skipper loses his ship,

they take away his captains' papers.

He wouldn't k*ll himself.

But you don't understand.

He'll never have his own ship again.

He couldn't even stand in the helm of his own ship.

But that doesn't mean that he's going to k*ll himself, does it?

Ginger, if you were in the skipper's shoes, what would you do?

k*ll myself.

And ginger said she'd k*ll herself.

Well, so would i.

That's terrible, gilligan!

Of course we'll help look for the skipper.

Of course!

Captain! Captain!

Oh, cap--what's the matter, my dear?

I think I have a pebble in my shoe.

Oh, yes, yes, well, just sit down on this stump here.

Ah, there we are!

Well, I do hope we find the captain in time.

Oh, yes, he's such a dear.

Thurston, when we get off the island,

don't you think you could buy him

a little token of our esteem?

I know just the gift for a seafaring man--

the queen mary.

What a marvelous suggestion!

It'll go so well with his blue eyes.

Gilligan: skipper!

This may be the coward's way out,

but when a captain loses his ship--

skipper! Gilligan, please be careful!

You might trip over this and break your neck.

I thought I'd be too late.

You're just in time.

Now sit down and weave those

on to the other end of this vine.

Sure.

It's gotta be long enough, gilligan,

to get over the limb of that tree.

Oh, it'll be long enough, skipper.

I sure am glad you're alive.

If you were dead, I wouldn't know what to say to you.

How's your end coming?

It's almost done.

Everybody else is out looking for you, too.

I think this will do it.

Nobody wants to see you die.

Oh, will you hurry it up, please, gilligan?

Yeah, there, it's finished.

It's all finished. [Muttering]

here, skipper, let me do it for you, ok?

There you are, skipper, a perfect...

All we have to do is tie off this other end.

Oh, no, skipper! I won't let you do it!

I'm not gonna let you do it, skipper.

Not gonna let you do it.

Well, there are other ways.

Oh, I bet the rocks are hard as a rock.

Ginger: skipper!

Ginger, don't!

Don't ever scare a guy like that.

I could have k*lled myself!

I'm sorry, skipper.

Well, it's all right, 'cause really

that's what I had in mind anyway.

Oh, but you mustn't!

We need you!

Ginger, nobody needs me.

Well, I do.

Oh, come on, you've got gilligan, you've got mr. Howell,

you've got the professor!

Gilligan is just a boy.

Mr. Howell is a married man.

And the professor is just interested in my mind.

Ginger, I want to be alone.

We are alone.

I don't mean that!

I mean I want to be alone alone.

Skipper, I have a wonderful idea.

Why don't we two take a lovely little walk

along the beach?

You know that pretty little cove?

Ginger, I know exactly what you're trying to do.

You're trying to stop me from k*lling myself,

and it won't work!

Skipper, if you're going, I'm going with you!

Mary ann, please! I want to be alone!

I won't let you jump!

Ok. You girls win.

Oh, mary ann, you did it!

Skipper's getting worse.

What's he doing now, gilligan?

He's just sitting in a chair, staring straight ahead.

Oh, the poor skipper.

You know, I've thought about it, and I've thought about it.

I've gone over the entire voyage,

and I can't think of a solitary thing the skipper did wrong.

Neither can i. Neither can i.

That makes of us.

.

He took every precaution.

He used every conceivable thing for our safety.

Now, how can we convince him that he wasn't at fault?

I don't know if this will help,

but in every movie that I ever made,

they always solved the mystery

by re-creating the crime.

Ginger, that's a splendid idea!

We could re-enact the sinking of the minnow.

You mean, do it exactly the way it happened?

Why, sure! The wind, the rain, the entire storm.

Well, that's a wonderful idea.

I don't think it's a very marvelous idea.

Professor: why not?

Because the first time, we were almost k*lled.

Skipper, we're sure it wasn't your fault.

Professor, all my life, I've lived by the rules of the sea.

If the maritime board found me guilty, I must be guilty.

Of what?

I don't know, but I must have done something wrong.

Otherwise, they wouldn't have found me guilty.

All right, then, let's try to find out

what it was that you did that was wrong.

How? It happened so long ago.

We figured out a way. Come on.

What's all that?

Skipper, we thought we'd recreate the voyage

from just before the storm hit

until we were beached.

I'm rain and thunder.

I'm lightning and waves.

Now, try to remember every order you gave during that storm.

Come on, professor.

Now, you know this is just a lot of nonsense--

well, let's give it a try!

All right, well, you did so much,

I guess that I can go along with it.

Maybe we can learn something.

Now try to remember to give the orders

exactly the way you gave on the minnow.

And gilligan, the only thing you can do to help

is to listen and obey.

Skipper: gilligan, now let me see,

as I recall, just before the storm,

we had a heading of .

Aye, aye, sir. .

It was right then that the storm hit.

Gilligan, we can't outrun this storm!

Go below and batten down the hatches.

Aye, aye, sir.

There's no below.

Well, pretend there is!

Just about now the wind started to whip up.

Oh, wind coming up!

The waves started breaking over the ship a few minutes later.

The waves are ready, professor.

Gilligan, the storm is getting worse!

We'll have to turn about!

Aye, aye, sir.

No, gilligan, not you! The boat!

It was right now where the waves came over the bow.

Ginger, I said the bow!

Huh?

Bow!

Skipper, the storm's getting worse now.

[Fake thunder claps]

gilligan, we're starting to take on water!

Man the pumps! I'll take the wheel!

Aye, aye, sir.

[Groans]

skipper, we're headed straight for the reef!

Right for the reef!

I know! I know!

We're gonna be dashed to pieces!

Gilligan, we've got to maintain a position

in order to avoid the reef!

Heave ho with the anchor!

Aye, aye, sir!

Something's wrong, gilligan!

We're still moving!

Yeah, and we're headed for the rocks!

Right for the rocks, skipper!

Oh, skipper!

[Both shouting]

[shouting]

are you all right?

Skipper, did you find out what went wrong?

I think so.

Gilligan, when you threw the anchor overboard,

was the anchor line attached to it?

Anchor line attached?

Anchor line? What anchor line?

Oh. Well...

Nobody's perfect.

Gilligan!

I'll never bother anybody ever again!

Gilligan, little buddy, we've been looking all over for you.

Yeah? Well, now that you're here,

why don't you sit down and give me a hand?

You know, you've got to face up to these problems.

Y-you're just a little upset right now.

It's gotta be long enough

to go over that limb over there.

Well, you know, you're just taking this too hard.

You've got to face up to everything, you know?

Gotta make sure it's very strong.

Boy, people are sure gonna be glad to see

that you're ok when we get back.

It's long enough.

Hardly wait to see 'em when you come walking back into camp!

Here, let me do that for you, gilligan.

You know what we'll do tomorrow?

We'll spend the whole day fishing.

I'll get together with you,

and we'll spend the whole day on the beach.

After fishing, we'll--

gilligan!

Thanks, skipper. I'll handle it now.

No, I won't let you do it.

But I lost the minnow.

We both lost the minnow.

When a captain gives orders, it's his duty

to see that they're carried out.

It was my fault.

Gilligan, we both failed.

In fact, there's only one way out for both of us.

You want to go first?

Sure--no, I don't mean this, gilligan.

Well, if you don't want to do that, how 'bout the cliff?

I'll push you over, then you push me over.

What I mean is...

There's only one thing left for us to do.

What's that?

I think I got everything.

Same here.

Moving to the other side of the island

is the only honorable thing to do, I guess.

Now comes the sad part.

Sad part?

Saying good-bye.

Oh, yeah. Good-bye, skipper.

Bye, gilligan.

Gilligan, you're coming with me.

I tell you, the whole idea is just simply ridiculous.

Mr. Howell, it is not ridiculous.

Gilligan and I have got to do this.

If you change your mind, we'll give you all my jewels.

Won't we, thurston?

Absolutely.

Thanks, but i--

and we'll give you all my furs.

Won't we, thurston?

Absolutely.

And we'll give you all our money.

Won't we, thurston?

Thurston? Thurston!

Will you please reconsider?

No, mr. Howell, we've got to go!

Now, come on, gilligan.

Oh, I think I'm gonna cry!

Me, too.

Good-bye, gilligan.

Good-bye, skipper, old boy.

Good-bye, mr. Howell and mrs. Howell.

Good-bye, mrs. Howell.

Good-bye, mr. Howell.

Good-bye, skipper.

Good-bye, gilligan-- oh, gilligan, come on!

I keep forgetting.

We're leaving now.

Well, I wish there was something I could say

to make you stay.

Oh, please don't go.

It's our duty.

Oh, I won't let you go!

I'm sorry, ginger, but we are going.

Now, good-bye, professor.

Good-bye, mary ann.

Good-bye. And try to remember us as we were,

not as we am.

Oh, gilligan, I don't know

what you're trying to say, but we love you.

Good-bye, gilligan, skipper.

Good-bye, professor, good-bye, ginger.

Good-bye, mary ann. Good-bye, skipper.

Good-bye, gilligan.

Gilligan, please, let's go!

Bye.

All: bye.

[Weeping and sobbing]

bye.

Well, gilligan, this is where

we're going to spend the rest of our lives.

Well, maybe we won't live that long.

Hey, skipper?

Yes, gilligan?

If we went back now,

what would the maritime board do to us?

It's hard to say.

Maritime law has always been pretty stiff.

It's been that way ever since man has been sailing the seas.

I bet it was worse in pirate days, huh?

Much. Hey, skipper?

If you were back in the minnow again,

and a pirate ship fired a cannonball right across your bow,

what would you do?

[Yawns] go to sleep.

You would? You'd go to sleep

with a pirate ship f*ring a cannonball--

gilligan, will you go to sleep?

I wonder what it was like to live back in those days?

Out in the ocean in a big sailing ship...

Far from land...

Surrounded by pirates...

Pirate ships and pirates.

Queen mother, who is the handsome young admiral

in charge of the ship?

Ah, dear daughter,

that is lord gilligan,

the youngest admiral in the royal fleet.

My, how awfully brave he looks!

Mr. Admiral?

What, my pretty?

Is it true there are pirates on these waters?

Pray tell.

Pirates? What pirate would dare sail

the same ocean as lord admiral gilligan?

[Women scream]

silly girls! They think you're--

pirates!

Aha! En garde!

Pirates got you, admiral!

Aye! Look here, me buckos!

We've captured lord gilligan!

That's lord admiral gilligan!

Oh, ain't he the fancy one?

Some day, you'll feel the cold steel of my sword!

And someday you'll feel the cold steel of my hand!

Avast, you lubbers! Take the wenches below!

Hah!

[All gasping]

oh, they've locked us in!

We've been captured by the most notorious pirates of all--

captain kidd, captain hook, and long john silver.

What are we to do, queen mother?

Be brave, my daughters.

That clever lord admiral gilligan will save us.

Help! Help! Let me out of here!

Help! Help! Let me out of here!

Help! Help--

wait! Why do I need help?

Am I not lord admiral gilligan,

the bravest, most daring swordsman in her majesty's fleet?

Ah, yes! I alone can save her majesty

and her charming daughters from those ruffians.

Ah, the keys.

Oh, those keys! I must get those keys!

My belt!

To the rescue!

Someone is coming.

The pirates!

Ah!

At your service, your majesty.

Lord admiral gilligan.

Your lordship, what can we ever do to repay you?

I'll think of something.

But first, I must deal with the scoundrels

who darest board my ship!

Lord gilligan, what are you going to do?

Us heroes like to do things the hard way!

Aah!

All: heave ho!

Look there, mates. He's escaped!

Arg! He's probably cowering below deck,

'fraid to show his face.

One of me men once had a fist fight with him.

Remember, mates,

he's a sucker for a right hook.

I'm at a disadvantage.

I can only give him my left hook.

I fought lord gilligan before, and I'll long remember it.

Arg! Did he give you that scar?

Did that myself.

You did that yourself?

I had an itch, and I forgot.

Why are we wasting our time

talking about that dandy?

Let's look at the treasure!

Stand aside, mateys!

Ah, there you are!

Ah! Aye, did you ever see so much money?

Oh, I'd like to take off my boots and wade barefoot.

Ha ha ha!

Avast, you knaves!

Oh...

Well, never let it be said that lord admiral gilligan

fights unfair! Ho!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Uh...

Come on, mates!

En garde!

Get him, matey!

Uh-oh.

Fellas, a guy could get k*lled this way.

Lord admiral gilligan!

Oh, spare him! Spare him!

Aye, we'll spare him, missy!

We'll save him for the plank!

Aye, the plank!

Aye, walk the plank!

Walk the plank! Come on, matey!

Up ye go!

Oh, lord admiral gilligan, I'm certain you will be knighted for this!

If you let me go, I'll invite you to the ceremony.

It's into the briny deep for you, matey!

Out you go!

Arg!

Don't push! Don't push!

Don't push me! Don't push!

Don't push me!

Gilligan! Gilligan!

Don't push me!

Gilligan, wake up!

It's me, the skipper!

Where's long john silver and captain hook?

Whew! What a dream!

Radio announcer: with this additional information,

the maritime board reconvened.

Listen, an important announcement about the minnow!

Radio: the new testimony indicated that on the day

the minnow set out from honolulu harbor,

the radio operator issued the weather information

from the previous day.

No mention was made of the approaching storm,

and the captain had no warning of any kind.

How 'bout that?

Radio: as a result, the maritime board of inquiry

finds the captain and crew of the minnow

completely blameless.

[Laughs] that's great news, professor!

Thanks for--

wonderful!

Come on, gilligan! Let's go!

If we'd known we were gonna spend one night here,

we wouldn't have made the hut so solid!

You'd better run, and you'd better run fast!

All hands on deck, and that means you, gilligan!

Aye, aye, sir.

Cast off! Look alert, look alert!

Ahoy there! Left rudder!

Right rudder! Steady as she goes!

Full speed ahead!

[Mimics horn]

oh, looks like a storm up there.

Regular cloudburst.

Look at the sea! It's starting to pitch!

The waves are coming over the bow!

Man the pumps! Man the pumps!

Down with mainsail! Drop the jib!

Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

Abandon ship!

Gilligan, little buddy, I got to admit it,

when I say abandon ship, you really abandon ship!

♪ now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ they're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others comfortable ♪

♪ in their tropic island nest ♪

♪ no phone, no light ♪

♪ no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ it's primitive as can be ♪

♪ so join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from stranded castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪