03x18 - The Hunter

[bunniefuu]

[Island music playing on radio]

[Helicopter whirring]

Sure is a lot of static today.

[Helicopter whirring]

Must be a big storm someplace.

Might as well turn it off.

Hey! Hey! Hey, we're rescued!

Hey! Hey!

Hey, mister! Hey, mister!

Hey, mister!

Mister, am I glad to see you!

My name's kincaid, jonathan kincaid.

Oh, yeah. I'm gilligan.

You don't know what we've been through.

We got no television, no hot dogs, no licorice whips--

We? You mean there's other people on this island besides you?

Yeah, there's of us.

They're on the other side of the island.

We were shipwrecked.

I got to go tell them we're rescued.

Would you please radio hawaii and tell them to come pick us up?

W--wait a minute. Do you have any game on this island?

Game? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

The skipper's got some checkers and I got a deck of cards.

No, no. I mean do you have any wild goat or wild boar?

No, no. We don't have any game like that at all on the island.

I got to go tell the others.

People on this island,

And nobody knows they're here.

That's very interesting.

Ramoo, we're going hunting.

What, you not hear?

No game on island.

Perhaps not the -legged kind,

But I've always wondered what it'd be like

To track down and k*ll

The most challenging of all game--

Man.

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

So I explained to the authorities

That because of the size of my helicopter,

They'd have to send a boat.

I gave them our exact position,

And the boat will be here tomorrow morning at : .

[All cheering]

Oh, man, when I get back,

I'm going to go right to an italian restaurant,

And I'm going to have or pizzas

And dozen meatballs and platters of spaghetti,

And then I'm gonna have dinner!

Ohh! Let's go pack.

I don't know what to wear.

Well, ramoo, which one will be our victim?

The skipper, the professor, mary ann?

Ramoo think not difference.

Oh, come on, man. Where's your sense of the hunt?

I want a quarry that will present me with a challenge.

Somebody that's nimble, agile.

Who that one?

I don't know.

I have to question each and every one of them to find out

Who'll give me the best run for my money.

I don't know how we're going to explain to our friends

That we spent several years with people

Who aren't even in the social register.

Well, our friends will just have to realize, my dear,

That when one is marooned, one must take potluck.

There you are. Ohh, that's heavy!

I hope you have your jewelry in there.

Ahh, ahh, good. Hello there, mr. Kincaid.

Need any help?

No, no, no, no. We howells make a point of keeping fit.

As an example to the little people.

Yes. The last cotillion we attended,

Mrs. Howell danced every dance and was hardly out of breath.

You know, mr. Howell's office is on the second floor,

And sometimes he doesn't even take the elevator.

Sound mind and a sound body.

My, that is a beautiful-- that's hand-tooled.

You didn't get that at a discount house.

Almost caught her on the rise.

Are you a, uh, hunter, mr. Howell?

Well, no, but I went on a tiger hunt once.

I sh*t of the ugly beasts in minutes.

In minutes?

Well, that's utterly fantastic!

You must've been pleased.

I was, but the directors of the zoo were infuriated!

I went fishing in the aquarium.

They weren't pleased. I'll tell you that.

I can hardly wait to get back to kansas.

Why, the first thing I'm going to do is bake an apple pie,

And then I'm going to milk the cows,

And then I'm going to feed the chickens.

You farm people have to stay in good condition.

Oh, we certainly do.

You know, I once ran yards in seconds.

Seconds?

Oh, yes. I was being chased by a bull.

Oh, that's nothing.

I once ran yards in seconds.

Seconds?

Mm-hmm. I was being chased by a hollywood producer.

Ph.d. At ?

Well, it sounds like you didn't have much time for sports.

Well, I don't want to sound immodest,

But I was the number one man on my team.

Really? Baseball?

Basketball?

Football?

Hockey?

Chess.

How about you, skipper?

Well, mr. Kincaid, football was my game in high school.

I played the line.

Oh? What position?

No position. I was the line. Ha ha ha!

I'll never forget.

You got a pretty good backfield, too.

Thanks a lot, gilligan.

It's easy for you to talk.

Look at the way you're built.

I mean, he's young and wiry.

He can run as fast as a rabbit,

Climb a tree like a monkey.

Why, try to keep up with him, it's impossible!

Mr. Howell: there you are. There, there.

Oh, that's-- put that over there, girls.

Oh, here comes our guest of honor now.

Remember, skipper. Everybody, now.

All: ♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪ that's you!

Speech! Speech, speech!

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I hope you feel the same way

After my little announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have chosen one of you

To go on a little hunting trip.

[All cheer]

Mr. Kincaid, there isn't any game on this island.

Oh, yes, there is.

You see, I'm planning on hunting one of you.

Hey, that's kind of funny.

Gilligan, he's not smiling.

Oh, that's ridiculous. People don't hunt people.

Mr. Kincaid, this joke is in extremely poor taste.

Madame, I assure you, I'm not joking.

Do you intend to hunt one of us

And then g*n your victim down in cold blood?

Very well put, professor.

As added incentive to your participation in this adventure,

If the one I'm hunting

Can elude me for hours,

I'll see that you're all returned to civilization.

But--but I'm a girl.

That's quite obvious.

Me?

My dear, sh**ting you would be like sh**ting an easter bunny.

As for you, madame--

You wouldn't dare.

Don't tempt me,

But I plan to start this hunt before noon,

And I'm sure at that early hour

Your blue blood wouldn't be circulating.

Why, I've never heard such nerve.

Why, for something important,

I can get up as early as anyone else.

Lovey, if the man says

Your blood doesn't circulate,

Don't argue.

As for you, I'd love to let some hot air

Out of your stuffed shirt.

Now, over here, we have a chess player,

But by the time he's figuring out his next move,

I'd have him in my bag.

Now, look, kincaid,

This is a lot of nonsense.

Skipper, you're too big a target.

Gilligan: well, I'm glad it's not you or ginger

Or mary ann or mr. And mrs. Howell

Or the professor.

You mean, it's...

Ramoo, take him away.

Now, you be careful with him.

That's my little buddy. Means a lot to me.

Oh!

Skipper, when I get a chance,

I'll make a break for the helicopter and radio for help.

That's a great idea, professor.

We'll show that big g*n

He can't push us around.

Have any ideas about using the radio, forget it.

I have the tubes.

Mr. Kincaid, you sure had me fooled.

I mean, about sh**ting me tomorrow.

Isn't that a laugh?

Yes, it does have its humorous side.

[Laughs]

I want a word with you, kincaid.

How are you, my boy?

Oh, I'm great, mr. Howell.

You had mr. Kincaid all wrong.

They're treating me like a prince.

I have steak and a leg massage. I'm living it up.

Well, can't you figure out why, my boy?

Sure. They like me.

Like you? They're fattening you up

Like a thanksgiving day turkey,

And tomorrow is thanksgiving day.

You hear that, mr. Kincaid?

They still believe it.

Go on. Tell him you're not gonna do anything.

Mr. Kincaid? Tell him you're not--

Mr. Kincaid, say something.

I mean, say anything, mr. Kincaid.

Look, uh, mr. Kincaid,

This young fellow means a lot to me.

Say, uh, $ , ?

No.

Heh. No. Uh, , ?

No.

Well, let's not quibble with small change.

What about a half a million,

And a tip for your friend with the bad headache?

You don't seem to understand.

I'm not interested in money.

You are sick. Oh.

Conserve some of that energy for tomorrow.

Don't burn yourself out,

And stop looking so glum.

After all, you've got a - chance.

- ?

Yes. Whether you get it through the heart

Or between the eyes.

Oh.

I know I'm going to hate myself,

But I can't help it.

Help what?

I'm drawn to you like a magnet.

I can't resist you.

Resist, resist. He's the enemy.

I'm sorry, gilligan.

There are some things about life

That you just don't understand.

You think you get to know someone,

Then it turns out to be a beatrice arnold.

Beatrice arnold?

Well, you don't look like a benedict.

First...

First, we must have a toast.

Why?

Because--because it's so romantic.

Mmm.

[Gasps] oops.

Pineapple juice.

Pineapple juice?

That's not very romantic.

Oh, yes, it is.

I'm just crazy about pineapple juice.

Happy dreams.

Who needs dreams?

Let's live a little, huh?

Darling...

After that, you must be thirsty.

[Hiccups]

[Hiccups]

[Snoring]

All right, gilligan.

You know the rules.

If you can survive for hours,

You not only save your life,

But the lives of your friends.

It's set to go off

At exactly this time tomorrow,

And just to be sporty,

I'm gonna give you a -minute head start.

Go!

Did you say or minutes?

You just lost seconds.

Oops.

Bang!

Gotta keep running.

I'm exhausted.

He'll blast me into confetti.

How long have I been running?

Minutes? Oh.

He hasn't even started after me yet.

Well, I must leave now.

Somewhere out there in the jungle,

Your little friend is waiting...

And I wouldn't want to disappoint him.

Guard them well, ramoo.

Yes, sir, boss.

Oh. It will serve kincaid right

If I die of sunstroke before he kills me.

That is, if I don't die of thirst

Before I die of sunstroke

Before I die of g*nsh*t.

Oh, so thirsty. I've gotta get some water.

Whoa!

Poor gilligan. Hours,

And he's still running.

I'd be happy if he were

Still alive and walking.

Or crawling.

Now, let's not give up hope.

We've got to believe gilligan is still alive

And he's gonna stay that way.

You're not mary ann, you're mary poppins.

Nevertheless, she's right.

What we need is positive thinking.

Yeah, well, a b*llet hasn't been made yet

With gilligan's name on it.

That guy will never catch him.

My little buddy is too fast.

Yeah. And cunning.

Yeah. And shifty.

Yeah. And smart.

Yeah. Out of . That's not bad.

Yes.

[Gasps]

[Tarzan yell]

Ramoo.

Aah!

There's one good thing

About ramoo still guarding us,

And that's the fact that gilligan got through the night.

We've got to escape and help him.

More hours.

I've got an idea.

Why don't we just tunnel

Our way out of here?

What? Through feet of rock?

Why, even with dynamite and a steam shovel,

It would take a month.

Oh, details, details.

I just hate to be bothered with details.

I'm afraid we're stuck right here.

Oh, pooh. There must be some way

We can help poor gilligan.

Oh, I can't just sit still.

I've never felt so useless in my whole life.

Well, think of me. I'm times as big as you are,

And I feel times as useless.

Stop! Where you go?

Put that silly thing away.

I'm sure your mother would never approve of such conduct.

No have mother.

Aw, that's sad.

But you must remember,

You're an uninvited guest on this island,

And you do have certain social obligations.

No have ugligation.

Didn't anyone ever tell you

That it's rude to point?

Mr. Howell: lovey!

Lovey! That man is a barbarian!

Oh, fiddlesticks. Anyone can learn good manners.

Do not touch. Ramoo s*ab you.

Lovey, don't, please.

If you ever want to get into high society,

You will have to read a book on etiquette.

Quick! Professor, a rope!

I think we've been liberated!

[Owl hoots]

[Hoo]

The question isn't who.

I know who's gonna get it.

The question is when, where, and how.

Oh, skipper. Anybody.

[g*nsh*t]

Kincaid! No!

[g*nsh*t]

Ha ha! Oh, no!

Now to get my trophy.

Aah!

Gilligan! Little buddy!

Gilligan!

Keep goin'!

Run! Run, gilligan!

Keep going! Run!

I'm sorry, but ramoo not spear woman.

You natives are too tender-hearted.

Yeah, it's too bad.

Come on. We'll pick up his trail again.

I'll brush the footprints away

From gilligan's roots.

Good idea.

Gotta try to keep kincaid away from this area.

How are you doing in there, gilligan?

I'm so nervous, my knotholes are shaking.

Little buddy, we're gonna take off now.

Shh. I think I hear somebody coming.

Quiet, gilligan.

Huh?

Mr. Kincaid? [Laughs]

Well, gentlemen,

Your friend's trail ends right here,

And I have a feeling he's somewhere nearby.

Where? Ramoo.

Did you thoroughly clean my r*fle?

Ramoo think so.

You think so, huh?

Well, maybe we'd better test it.

Draw me a target.

You're--you're not gonna sh**t that tree, are you?

Why not?

Well, because, uh, trees are out of season.

Besides, what kind of a target is a tree?

Yes, i--i mean, especially that one.

Why, that's, uh, that's an akaporasaka.

And according to the local natives, it's a sacred tree.

Why, if you even scratch it,

It will bring you years of bad luck.

That's exactly right. Honestly,

It's worse luck than breaking mirrors.

That's nonsense. Now get out of my way.

Can't you do anything right?

I told you to draw me a target.

Ramoo draw target. I do again.

No, no. That's all right.

I'll just put a b*llet

Right in the center of that tree.

Mr. Kincaid,

Why waste your time sh**ting a tree?

Why don't you sh**t gilligan?

sh**t gilligan instead of a tree?

Yes. That's-- that's one of our favorite trees.

Ramoo? I think the tension's

Getting to be too much for them.

Yes.

My malaria must be coming back.

It's gilligan!

If you sh**t that g*n, it'll be m*rder!

[Alarm buzzes]

The alarm. It's hours.

Gilligan is saved!

Well, nobody can say that jonathan kincaid doesn't keep his word.

Come on, ramoo. Let's go home.

Oh, now wait a minute, mr. Kincaid.

What about us?

You said you were gonna radio for help.

Ha ha ha. Are you kidding?

If the authorities found out

I was hunting a human being,

They'd put me in jail.

But we won't tell anyone.

Sorry, chaps. Can't take that chance.

Ow!

Well, the main thing is

That gilligan is still alive.

Yes, my little buddy.

Gilligan, little buddy.

You can calm down now.

The--the alarm went off.

The hours is over. Oh.

Really? Really, little buddy.

You don't know how close you came to getting k*lled.

Really? That close.

That close?

That's right.

Timber! Ah! Ow! Ooh!

Radio announcer: and the dodgers

Shut out the mets, to nothing.

Ha. That--that makes , bananas that you owe me.

Well, you can subtract them

From the mangoes you owe me from playing gin.

Announcer: and now for the news

Of the national trapshooting championship.

It was won by the well-known sportsman

Jonathan kincaid.

Hey, that's the guy that was chasing me last month.

Yeah.

Mr. Kincaid won the title

With a perfect score.

Clay pigeons out of .

That's remarkable sh**ting. Oh.

After the match, kincaid suddenly broke down

And became so violent

That local authorities had to be called.

Unable to calm him,

He was finally placed in a straitjacket

And taken to the mental ward at general hospital.

All the while,

He kept muttering the mysterious words,

"Gilligan. Gilligan. Gilligan."

[Laughs]

That's you. Hey.

You did it again, little buddy.

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone, no light ♪

♪ No motor cars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪